Brother elder James, with all due respect to you as my elder and brother, I must tell you that I am highly disappointed in you, this morining.

I've come in, turned on my pc, clicked on to Destees Black Forums, scrolled down to the Spirituality/Religions forum, and found that Ralf'il has been banned... But that is not the worst part, because he has been warned about his behaviour, and his temporary banning of a few weeks ago should have been a wake-up call... The worst part, brother Elder is that it appears to me that you are goading him into being on his worst behaviour - just as you did to me some weeks ago during the whole Black Conservative thread... And just as you did yesterday in telling sister Riada to "speak up or shut up..."

...and just as you did to sister Krazelyricks in making the word "thug" a cause celebre, and virtually chasing her away from further discussions with her family members, you and I. I am citing these incidents not to put you on blast, but to put you and other moderators and Destee on notice that, though you may have the greatest intentions, you have to be circumspect in your own behavior, and keep an ever watchful on yourselves...

Brother elder, as I said to you weeks ago, no one likes to be threatened. It is like looking into the eye of the Doberman, and challenging one to a fight. It is a verbal assault on one's psychic and spiritual pride... Brother Elder, I hope that you read that with your reading glasses on, no disrespect intended, as I have on my own(smile!)

If we say at Destees that we are about this: We Are About Loving, Encouraging, Embracing, Teaching and Building With Our People. No Hate Allowed, then why are we doing THAT, which is verbally assaulting folks from our moderators position??? Is that LOVING, EMBRACING, ENCOURAGING people to be on their best behaviour???(smile!)

I have had my moments on this board, too. I have attacked folks vigorously, and at times gone over the top... I was a MAN about that, and I apologized for it. I have apologize when it is called for, because it is only right. I have not held long-standing grudges with people, and recently, when things got very hot on some of these threads, I walked away from them. I would that you would do the same. I would that everyone would be treated fairly, and in accordance with the sense of justice I have for others.

Brother Ralfa'il's banning comes about because he challenged what some of our other members had previously said. You said he should not worry about others belief systems, but why not allow those brothers whom he challenged to respond to him???. He did not ask you to respond... Why act preemptively, as if the other brothers were children, incapable of giving a clear, ludid, and intelligent response without verbal fisticuffs flying??? I think it was an over-reaction on your part, and you should reconsider the whole event.

I apologize if that sounds arrogant on my part. I am a littel disgusted this morning about this and some other things that have gone on around the forum. Please do not take what I am saying as being mean spirited. I like you as a man, brother edler, but liking you as a man does not mean that you are without your flaws and faults. As a thoughtful and intelligent man, I would that you would sometimes step back and away from some posts, and deliberate more carefully on your responses to them. LOVE AND RESPECT, DEAR BROTHER ELDER...


Peace!
Isaiah

in the case of Ralka'il i tried as hard as i could to PREVENT the cat from being banned.
it is ironic that everyone thinks i greased the skids under him.
i guess no good deed goes unpunished.

you will note that there has been NO disruption since he has been gone?

i have also worked to see that you did not get banned during your more rabid moments having faith that you would be better after a good nights sleep.

in the case of Krazelyricks, why do i take all the responsibility and she none?
i criticized her and she left. she could have stayed and learned.
i feel i am being treated unfairly here.
i believe my actions were correct and hers were wrong.
several people have insinuated that she was wronged, when i ask for specifics they drop the subject.

moderating here appears to be a pretty thankless task.

i evaluate myself based on the fact that there have been fewer and fewer incidents of fights since i have started moderating.
a peaceful environment for all is my goal.

i have plenty of room to grow and get better at it.
i've only just begone at the post, remember?

in the case of Ralka'il i tried as hard as i could to PREVENT the cat from being banned.
it is ironic that everyone thinks i greased the skids under him.
i guess no good deed goes unpunished.

you will note that there has been NO disruption since he has been gone?

i have also worked to see that you did not get banned during your more rabid moments having faith that you would be batter after a good nights sleep.

in the case of Krazelyricks, why do i take all the responsibility and she none?
i criticized her and she left.
i feel i am being treated unfairly here.
i believe my actions were correct and hers were wrong.
several people have insinuated that she was wronged, when i ask for specifics they drop the subject.

moderating here appears to be a pretty thankless task.

i evaluate myself based on the fact that there have been fewer and fewer incidents of fights since i have started moderating.
a peaceful environment for all is my goal.

i have plenty of room to grow and get better at it.
i've only just begone at the post, remember?


jAMES, you say I had "RABID" moments??? You do know what "RABID" means, and how that can be construed???(SMILE!)

Listen brother, we all have our moments... Let us have them, and move on... Treat us all as adults who sometiimes say things when we are EMOTIONAL which we would not say when not EMOTIONAL.... Give people the same benefit of the doubt as you'd like for yourself... Is THAT too much to ask???

Every little argument on this board is not cause to over-react, and ban people, or muzzle them so that what they express comes across as diluted and dispirited, and a phony facsimilie of what they might normally say... Oh - and I think YOU should be the example of all you want others to be in your speech and tone... The use of the word "RABID" in describing my behaviour, brother, was straight up just another backhanded slap in the face... But I am gonna move on from it... I hope you can learn something from my moving on...

Peace!
ISAIAH

i agree with your point here.

it is one thing to be emotional.
it is another to show a PATTERN of disruption and appear to be looking to set up bad situations.
i know the difference.

do you realize that i am actually on your side?
i don't agree with everything you say but i know you add value to the place.
that's what i look for, value.

i agree with your point here.

it is one thing to be emotional.
it is another to show a PATTERN of disruption and appear to be looking to set up bad situations.
i know the difference.

do you realize that i am actually on your side?
i don't agree with everything you say but i know you add value to the place.
that's what i look for, value.
"that's what i look for, value"

James, what do you value?

"that's what i look for, value"

James, what do you value?

Brother James is referring to someone who adds to the intellectual and spiritual growth of the website (which brother Isaiah does), as opposed to some who comes to our forum/family to disrupt. Those who come here and add to our intellectual & spiritual growth are valued not only by brother James, but by every moderator.

Brother James is referring to someone who adds to the intellectual and spiritual growth of the website (which brother Isaiah does), as opposed to some who comes to our forum/family to disrupt. Those who come here and add to our intellectual & spiritual growth are valued not only by brother James, but by every moderator.

Martin Luther King Jr. caused disruption, so it's not necessarily a bad thing. Disruption often brings to the surface the unpleasant realities about our selves that we often don't have the courage to deal with. When we deal with them, we grow spiritually and intellectually, do we not?

Martin Luther King Jr. caused disruption, so it's not necessarily a bad thing. Disruption often brings to the surface the unpleasant realities about our selves that we often don't have the courage to deal with. When we deal with them, we grow spiritually and intellectually, do we not?
yes, yes.

however, a gang fight does no one any good, you see?
there are some who seem to wish to fight for the sake of fighting and do NOT add value.

MLK was disrupting for some good reasons not as an end in itself.
sadly, there are those who believe in fighting and are not happy unless they are fighting.
that's not what we are about here.

Brother elder James, with all due respect to you as my elder and brother, I must tell you that I am highly disappointed in you, this morining.

I've come in, turned on my pc, clicked on to Destees Black Forums, scrolled down to the Spirituality/Religions forum, and found that Ralf'il has been banned... But that is not the worst part, because he has been warned about his behaviour, and his temporary banning of a few weeks ago should have been a wake-up call... The worst part, brother Elder is that it appears to me that you are goading him into being on his worst behaviour - just as you did to me some weeks ago during the whole Black Conservative thread... And just as you did yesterday in telling sister Riada to "speak up or shut up..."

...and just as you did to sister Krazelyricks in making the word "thug" a cause celebre, and virtually chasing her away from further discussions with her family members, you and I. I am citing these incidents not to put you on blast, but to put you and other moderators and Destee on notice that, though you may have the greatest intentions, you have to be circumspect in your own behavior, and keep an ever watchful on yourselves...

Brother elder, as I said to you weeks ago, no one likes to be threatened. It is like looking into the eye of the Doberman, and challenging one to a fight. It is a verbal assault on one's psychic and spiritual pride... Brother Elder, I hope that you read that with your reading glasses on, no disrespect intended, as I have on my own(smile!)

If we say at Destees that we are about this: We Are About Loving, Encouraging, Embracing, Teaching and Building With Our People. No Hate Allowed, then why are we doing THAT, which is verbally assaulting folks from our moderators position??? Is that LOVING, EMBRACING, ENCOURAGING people to be on their best behaviour???(smile!)

I have had my moments on this board, too. I have attacked folks vigorously, and at times gone over the top... I was a MAN about that, and I apologized for it. I have apologize when it is called for, because it is only right. I have not held long-standing grudges with people, and recently, when things got very hot on some of these threads, I walked away from them. I would that you would do the same. I would that everyone would be treated fairly, and in accordance with the sense of justice I have for others.

Brother Ralfa'il's banning comes about because he challenged what some of our other members had previously said. You said he should not worry about others belief systems, but why not allow those brothers whom he challenged to respond to him???. He did not ask you to respond... Why act preemptively, as if the other brothers were children, incapable of giving a clear, ludid, and intelligent response without verbal fisticuffs flying??? I think it was an over-reaction on your part, and you should reconsider the whole event.

I apologize if that sounds arrogant on my part. I am a littel disgusted this morning about this and some other things that have gone on around the forum. Please do not take what I am saying as being mean spirited. I like you as a man, brother edler, but liking you as a man does not mean that you are without your flaws and faults. As a thoughtful and intelligent man, I would that you would sometimes step back and away from some posts, and deliberate more carefully on your responses to them. LOVE AND RESPECT, DEAR BROTHER ELDER...


Peace!
Isaiah

Brother Isaiah ... the Moderators and myself make many decisions as it relates to the management of this community. While we try to consider each and every Member, we must also consider the whole as well. It is challenging at best, and we'll never be able to please everyone.

I will not allow you to disrupt our community with this foolishness.

The Moderators, nor myself, will be reduced to having to explain every move we make. It's just not going to happen. We don't have time. It's disruptive. You can take it or leave it alone. You have a choice.

I appreciate Brother James greatly, as i do all of those who accepted the invitation to be a part of this Management Team. Brother Isaiah, you were invited to be a part of the Team, and declined. You were not willing to stand where Brother James is standing, yet you hurl complaints at him ... while being a disruption many times yourself, in the past.

It simply amazes me, that you can require the Moderators and myself, to spend excessive amounts of time following you around, begging you not to break our rules, accepting your apologies over and over again, for stuff you know is against the rules ... as though the intentional and repeated disruptive behavior makes no difference ... yet you want to complain about others.

You have a lot of nerve.

:heart:

Destee

there are some who seem to wish to fight for the sake of fighting and do NOT add value. MLK was disrupting for some good reasons not as an end in itself.sadly, there are those who believe in fighting and are not happy unless they are fighting. that's not what we are about here.

I couldn't have said that any better myself!

I was insulted when James told me to shut up. I expected him to be reprimanded. I also found it astounding that James, who told me to "shut up," was asking (along with some other brothas) why other women didn't get involved in the discussion. I did not respond to the insult because I was raised to respect older people, so I just swallowed it and did not complain or respond.

I am convinced now that some of the sistas don't get involved because they don't feel it is SAFE. It seems to me that it is only safe or wise to get involved in some of the threads if you are in agreement or will avoid disagreeing with what's being said. If not, you become wide open territory for insults, put downs, etc. on the part of certain other participants.

Martin Luther King Jr. caused disruption, so it's not necessarily a bad thing. Disruption often brings to the surface the unpleasant realities about our selves that we often don't have the courage to deal with. When we deal with them, we grow spiritually and intellectually, do we not?

GKB ... you are right, disruption can be a good thing, and even here, we can't completely avoid it. Our job, the Moderators and myself, is to insure that these levels of disruption don't continue or grow out of control. There are many communities that don't monitor their levels of disruption, but we are not one of them.

If more disruption is what you're looking for or need, you may want to find another place to hang out, because we try to keep it to a bare minimum.

:heart:

Destee

I was insulted when James told me to shut up. I expected him to be reprimanded. I also found it astounding that James, who told me to "shut up," was asking (along with some other brothas) why other women didn't get involved in the discussion. I did not respond to the insult because I was raised to respect older people, so I just swallowed it and did not complain or respond.

I am convinced now that some of the sistas don't get involved because they don't feel it is SAFE. It seems to me that it is only safe or wise to get involved in some of the threads if you are in agreement or will avoid disagreeing with what's being said. If not, you become wide open territory for insults, put downs, etc. on the part of certain other participants.

Sister Riada ... i don't read every thread, and must admit, that our Dear Darling Brother James can be ... blunt ... to say the least. I believe with my whole heart that he never really means to be mean.

If he has offended you Sister, i'm sure he will make it right.

There is a process we have in place, for every Member to use, if they have a complaint about another Member, Moderator, or myself. Please check out this thread (http://destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=33293) Sister, so in the future you can know how to bring such things to our attention.

Sister Riada ... you are relatively new here, and we have had more drama in the past few weeks, than we've ever had in our discussion areas (i believe). Its taken a toll on all of us, especially the Moderators, as it is already a time intensive duty, and when issues like we've seen arise, it requires even more of us.

Please accept my apology, to you, for having to endure Brother James' ugly remark. It is not how we live, or the impression we wanted you to have of our entire community. We are all individuals, all bring our own challenges to the table, and all must work together ... it aint easy, to say the least.

Again ... sorry it didn't start out so well for you Sister. Don't give up on us, we have a very loving community.

Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee

please, either speak up or shut up.

i was trying to ask you to stop with the insinuations and lay your cards out on the table.
if this is offensive to you i offer my sincere apologies.

Sister Riada ... i don't read every thread, and must admit, that our Dear Darling Brother James can be ... blunt ... to say the least. I believe with my whole heart that he never really means to be mean.

If he has offended you Sister, i'm sure he will make it right.

There is a process we have in place, for every Member to use, if they have a complaint about another Member, Moderator, or myself. Please check out this thread (http://destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=33293) Sister, so in the future you can know how to bring such things to our attention.

Sister Riada ... you are relatively new here, and we have had more drama in the past few weeks, than we've ever had in our discussion areas (i believe). Its taken a toll on all of us, especially the Moderators, as it is already a time intensive duty, and when issues like we've seen arise, it requires even more of us.

Please accept my apology, to you, for having to endure Brother James' ugly remark. It is not how we live, or the impression we wanted you to have of our entire community. We are all individuals, all bring our own challenges to the table, and all must work together ... it aint easy, to say the least.

Again ... sorry it didn't start out so well for you Sister. Don't give up on us, we have a very loving community.

Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee

*******************************

Actually Sis. Destee, I will accept your apology on James' behalf. He does not need to apologize or 'make it right' to me. I like Bro. James. He is often very humorous and in general, I think he has lots of wisdom to impart, but sometimes he is too gruff. Most importantly, I believe he is deeply caring about what happens in our community. He must realize though that others may have different opinions and experiences, and not try to make them feel small or "wrong" when they express how they think or feel.

IMO, we Black folks have the wherewithal to solve most of our problems, but we need to find a way to "keep" our people close to us, rather than chase them out or prevent them from talking. After all, some of the solutions to major problems may lie within those who have been silenced or chased away.

Actually Sis. Destee, I will accept your apology on James' behalf. He does not need to apologize or 'make it right' to me. I like Bro. James. He is often very humorous and in general, I think he has lots of wisdom to impart, but sometimes he is too gruff. Most importantly, I believe he is deeply caring about what happens in our community. He must realize though that others may have different opinions and experiences, and not try to make them feel small or "wrong" when they express how they think or feel.

IMO, we Black folks have the wherewithal to solve most of our problems, but we need to find a way to "keep" our people close to us, rather than chase them out or prevent them from talking. After all, some of the solutions to major problems may lie within those who have been silenced or chased away.

Sister Riada ... thank you for accepting my apology.

:heart:

Destee

i was trying to ask you to stop with the insinuations and lay your cards out on the table.
if this is offensive to you i offer my sincere apologies.

****************************

Apology accepted.

Listen,
Ive had my share of headbutts on this board.. I do believe that James and I had one of the most tense.. and challenging debates on the board so far, in which I was involved in. But if you have an issue put it out there, I dont thing that brother Isaiah meant this forum to cause disruption sister Destee. He had a valid point. Brother James while being very blunt tends to endulge in "educating" the younger ones..(younger then him) so much in a belitteling way. But its not the worse thing that can happen, people will break you down everyday to see if you are going to stand by your principals.. for what u believe in.. or see if youd rather blend in with the crowd. For that he is a great asset to our community.. however you cant educate others if you are quick to "break them down".. its not about how much more you know than me. Its about how much you are willing to share.. so that we can see the playing feild as equally as possible. Me, i was thinking about never setting foot outside of the poetry section, because of the monster below in the open forum. I have a feeling that sister Krazylyrics had the same idea..
But.. the bottom line is.. that James is not the monster in forums..
but I would advise for the education of our youth.. that he be so not quick to attack.. but listen, educate.. if the person is totally coming out of left feild.. at least you did what you were supposed to do.. 1st.. then if you must.. go for it tiger. Tell em a thing or two!

ohh yea.. for everyone else out there..
"Hes really a big cuddly teddybear... with some sharp teeth however"

yes, yes.

however, a gang fight does no one any good, you see?
there are some who seem to wish to fight for the sake of fighting and do NOT add value.

MLK was disrupting for some good reasons not as an end in itself.
sadly, there are those who believe in fighting and are not happy unless they are fighting.
that's not what we are about here.

Looking at people through the worst possible light only allows you to justify your own reactions.
Does Panafrica speak for you when he says you value spirituality and intelligence? If so, what does spirituality and intelligence mean to you?

GKB ... you are right, disruption can be a good thing, and even here, we can't completely avoid it. Our job, the Moderators and myself, is to insure that these levels of disruption don't continue or grow out of control. There are many communities that don't monitor their levels of disruption, but we are not one of them.

If more disruption is what you're looking for or need, you may want to find another place to hang out, because we try to keep it to a bare minimum.

:heart:

Destee
My comment:
“Disruption often brings to the surface the unpleasant realities about our selves that we often don't have the courage to deal with. When we deal with them, we grow spiritually and intellectually, do we not?”

Destee,
Does my comment sound like I want to cause unnecessary disruption? Am I unwelcome here if I cause a disruption?
Egocentricities ought to be challenged if we are to grow more loving as human beings. Isn’t this basically a Destee value?

“We Are About Loving, Encouraging, Embracing, Teaching and Building With Our People.”

Since I’ve been here, I’ve been in some of the most interesting, legendary and ferocious debates…adjectives flying this way, verbs going that way…but I never personalized these debates…this is what we suppose to do.

Use your minds and your powers of persuasion Black folks!!…This is what Malcolm and Baldwin did…this is what Baraka does!

If we can’t control our intellectual power and stay on point, then how can we intellectually battle and defend against our oppressors, who are the masters of spin and deception. Man, with everybody talkin’ about the toughness of Thugs and the street corner mentality being metaphorically analogous to a strong Black man (in a previous thread), then to get overly emotional and all bent out of shape from a harmless Internet debate is interesting…com'on Black folks...let’s sip down our apologies and keep rollin’…

We keep talking about Sister krazelyricks as if she’s a little girl…. this young lady compared her mind with a forty year old woman and said she was STRICTLY STRAIGHT-UP GANGSTA’ in another thread…so an wise old elder like Brother James over the internet shouldn’t ruffle her feathers…I think she’s being used as a cop-out and Brother James is being used as a scapegoat…If you’re “down for your intellectual crown” than come on with it!….this world cuts no slacks my beloved…this is a training ground for our battles and victories ahead…

The world is a war of ideas, when I was younger I had to get off the street corners to totally see this, even though it was evident even there “that the weak perished, the strong survived and the wise ruled ...and it was obvious, the wise were a hidden hand that wasn’t standing on corners, leaning against walls and holding up buildings”...lol

I thank heaven for the powerful opinions from and debates with, my brothers and sisters here

…If our ideas shot as straight as our Glocks and our wit was as sharp as our knives, the Black world would stop killing itself and be ready to for redemption.

Peace and Love Supreme...:cool:

Listen,
Ive had my share of headbutts on this board.. I do believe that James and I had one of the most tense.. and challenging debates on the board so far, in which I was involved in. But if you have an issue put it out there, I dont thing that brother Isaiah meant this forum to cause disruption sister Destee. He had a valid point. Brother James while being very blunt tends to indulge in "educating" the younger ones..(younger then him) so much in a belittling way. But its not the worse thing that can happen, people will break you down everyday to see if you are going to stand by your principals.. for what u believe in.. or see if you'd rather blend in with the crowd. For that he is a great asset to our community.. however you cant educate others if you are quick to "break them down".. its not about how much more you know than me. Its about how much you are willing to share.. so that we can see the playing field as equally as possible. Me, i was thinking about never setting foot outside of the poetry section, because of the monster below in the open forum. I have a feeling that sister Krazylyrics had the same idea..
But.. the bottom line is.. that James is not the monster in forums..
but I would advise for the education of our youth.. that he be so not quick to attack.. but listen, educate.. if the person is totally coming out of left field.. at least you did what you were supposed to do.. 1st.. then if you must.. go for it tiger. Tell em a thing or two!

ohh yea.. for everyone else out there..
"Hes really a big cuddly teddybear... with some sharp teeth however"
FYI:
i am an older person with health problems and i do not have that much time left on the planet.
life is a struggle for me on levels that i do not share.
most days i have some pain.

i say that to say that i do not have the option of the long view.
i simply do not have time left to stroke some one's sensitivities. i do not have time.
if you cannot relate to that yet one day you will know what i mean.
ask your local olde person!

we as black people do not have all day either.
as a group we have slid into slackness. we need to wake up, very badly.
if you are sleeping so warm in your bed and someone tries to shake you awake it is natural to be annoyed.
if the house is burning down, however, you would want them to continue and try to wake you and warn you, or would you rather be left to sleep, perhaps forever?

i was born in 1942. think about it.
any Negro who thinks that i am gruff has had a very privileged life, IMO.
that tells me that you have not had the joy of having a white man kick you in the @ss.
if you can't handle me you will not make it out in the world, sorry.

i am your friend.

is it that the black female has grown so in love with the mack man that she now cannot deal with anything unless it is sugar coated with a cheery on top?
each word coated with KY or it will not get in?
do you demand to be macked?

i don't mack. not can't, don't. it is beneath me.

Sister Riada ... i don't read every thread, and must admit, that our Dear Darling Brother James can be ... blunt ... to say the least. I believe with my whole heart that he never really means to be mean.
:heart:
Destee

Destee, this is funny! Really! :lol: " ...our Dear Darling Brother James can be ... blunt ... to say the least. ...he never really means to be mean."


blunt (RUDE) adjective:
saying what you think without trying to be polite or caring about other people's feelings


James,
If Destee believes you have a good heart and thinks you mean well, you might want to review what the word blunt means. I've learned that you have to respect people feelings; otherwise they may take offense and not hear what you're trying to say. I also want to add, you are setting yourself up for future karma, i.e., you will, if you aren't already, become very sensitive to others who are blunt and will experience the emotional pain you now trigger in others to your own bluntness. I know from experience.

Looking at people through the worst possible light only allows you to justify your own reactions.
Does Panafrica speak for you when he says you value spirituality and intelligence? If so, what does spirituality and intelligence mean to you?
My comment:
“Disruption often brings to the surface the unpleasant realities about our selves that we often don't have the courage to deal with. When we deal with them, we grow spiritually and intellectually, do we not?”

Destee,
Does my comment sound like I want to cause unnecessary disruption? Am I unwelcome here if I cause a disruption?
Egocentricities ought to be challenged if we are to grow more loving as human beings. Isn’t this basically a Destee value?

“We Are About Loving, Encouraging, Embracing, Teaching and Building With Our People.”
i am not sure what your point is here.
make it simple.
Destee, this is funny! Really! :lol: " ...our Dear Darling Brother James can be ... blunt ... to say the least. ...he never really means to be mean."


blunt (RUDE) adjective:
saying what you think without trying to be polite or caring about other people's feelings


James,
If Destee believes you have a good heart and thinks you mean well, you might want to review what the word blunt means. I've learned that you have to respect people feelings; otherwise they may take offense and not hear what you're trying to say. I also want to add, you are setting yourself up for future karma, i.e., you will, if you aren't already, become very sensitive to others who are blunt and will experience the emotional pain you now trigger in others to your own bluntness. I know from experience.
you must be my opposite because i cannot get your meaning.
please be blunt.

this world cuts no slacks my beloved…this is a training ground for our battles and victories ahead…



This sounds like we are in training to be killer-pitbulls who get rewarded when we go for the jugular whenever we encounter each other here. You say this is to get us ready to do battle with the enemy out there?

So the problem might lie in how we are all looking at this board--differently. I thought we were "FAMILY" here. My demeanor is very different when I'm out in the world. I can quickly move into warlike mode when I'm out there, but when I'm with "Family" I'm soft and I go overboard to avoid hurting the feelings of "family" members.
This is why I was surprised at the whole slew of put-downs, name-calling, and other insults here between "family" members.

James,
"If Destee believes you have a good heart and thinks you mean well, you might want to review what the word blunt means. I've learned that you have to respect people feelings; otherwise they may take offense and not hear what you're trying to say. I also want to add, you are setting yourself up for future karma, i.e., you will, if you aren't already, become very sensitive to others who are blunt and will experience the emotional pain you now trigger in others to your own bluntness. I know from experience."
i am not sure what your point is here.
make it simple.
you must be my opposite because i cannot get your meaning.

please be blunt.

Be respectful of people feelings; otherwise they may take offense and not hear what you're trying to say. How are you going to educate someone if you're being tuned out?

You're bluntness has an effect; be aware of that.

Be respectful of people feelings; otherwise they may take offense and not hear what you're trying to say. How are you going to educate someone if you're being tuned out?

You're bluntness has an effect; be aware of that.Sometimes people say things that seem "blunt" to get a person to stop and think about what/why/how something was said. <shrug> And sometimes not.

It's sort of like "the dozens": "how much can you take before you snap?".

But the bottom line idea should be to cause one to stop and think about a comment (that may or may not, "sting" "you", or that "you" feel might "sting" someone else).

It's been said in various "netiquette" postings around the net to step back from something that makes one want to dive right in and "avenge the wrong done to me".

Pause occasionally and consider who said what. Consider the "historical" way that a person has of speaking. Consider, also, that, maybe, where that person has been may have something to do with how that person interacts.

Things are different today for a person that did their teen years since the 80s. For folks that did their teen years through the 50s and 60s, life was very much different!

There's the old saw about "old dogs" and "new tricks": the smarter "old dogs" recognize that sometimes a "new trick" is useful, and sometimes they'll just go on with the "old tricks", sometimes they'll work at adapting the "new tricks". But for all of us "older dogs", sometimes them "old tricks" slip through anyway!

Also, when one is young (under 30ish), life looks like it'll just stretch on out there for days. When one gets to the point where that long stretch don't look so long anymore, well, it ain't really about being "blunt" more than it is about "doing the rest of it MY WAY! and they can take it or leave it; understand it or not; accept it or move on."

Sometimes, I've almost wanted to say something to Brother James about the way some of his statements come across, but then I stop and consider who he is, and realize that he has been places that I haven't. Also, a lot of stuff that just looks so "new" to some, he's seen so many, many times before that it's just kinda hard to let it slide when it might be possible that something that he could add might get someone to stop and think about it again. Tis a shame that most folks tend, instead, to "flare" at such things.

Brother james,
I love you, you are definately a multi faceted person. I too share daily pain and had a life span of 23 as of 3months ago.. though you have lived longer.. i will more than likely depart sooner than you have from this place we call earth.. but I am glad that I have had you to enlighten me when im lacking the information i need to make an informed decision it is through you and everyone else on this board that I gain years of knowledge withouth having to live them.. learn from your mistakes without having to make them! I love you brotha.

Peace & a afro pik


FYI:
i am an older person with health problems and i do not have that much time left on the planet.
life is a struggle for me on levels that i do not share.
most days i have some pain.

i say that to say that i do not have the option of the long view.
i simply do not have time left to stroke some one's sensitivities. i do not have time.
if you cannot relate to that yet one day you will know what i mean.
ask your local olde person!

we as black people do not have all day either.
as a group we have slid into slackness. we need to wake up, very badly.
if you are sleeping so warm in your bed and someone tries to shake you awake it is natural to be annoyed.
if the house is burning down, however, you would want them to continue and try to wake you and warn you, or would you rather be left to sleep, perhaps forever?

i was born in 1942. think about it.
any Negro who thinks that i am gruff has had a very privileged life, IMO.
that tells me that you have not had the joy of having a white man kick you in the @ss.
if you can't handle me you will not make it out in the world, sorry.

i am your friend.

is it that the black female has grown so in love with the mack man that she now cannot deal with anything unless it is sugar coated with a cheery on top?
each word coated with KY or it will not get in?
do you demand to be macked?

i don't mack. not can't, don't. it is beneath me.

Listen,
Ive had my share of headbutts on this board.. I do believe that James and I had one of the most tense.. and challenging debates on the board so far, in which I was involved in. But if you have an issue put it out there, I dont thing that brother Isaiah meant this forum to cause disruption sister Destee. He had a valid point. Brother James while being very blunt tends to endulge in "educating" the younger ones..(younger then him) so much in a belitteling way. But its not the worse thing that can happen, people will break you down everyday to see if you are going to stand by your principals.. for what u believe in.. or see if youd rather blend in with the crowd. For that he is a great asset to our community.. however you cant educate others if you are quick to "break them down".. its not about how much more you know than me. Its about how much you are willing to share.. so that we can see the playing feild as equally as possible. Me, i was thinking about never setting foot outside of the poetry section, because of the monster below in the open forum. I have a feeling that sister Krazylyrics had the same idea..
But.. the bottom line is.. that James is not the monster in forums..
but I would advise for the education of our youth.. that he be so not quick to attack.. but listen, educate.. if the person is totally coming out of left feild.. at least you did what you were supposed to do.. 1st.. then if you must.. go for it tiger. Tell em a thing or two!

ohh yea.. for everyone else out there..
"Hes really a big cuddly teddybear... with some sharp teeth however"

Sister PoeticManifesta ... i'm sure Brother James is learning from the opinions being shared, and will adjust himself accordingly, as he sees fit.

As far as Brother Isaiah having a legitimate complaint, i disagree.

All who are reading, please take note.

Moderators do not get paid for moderating here. None of us get paid for anything. This costs us money, time, energy, etc. All of the Moderators contribute in this way, and more. The time spent managing, building, and maintaining this community is all done on a volunteer basis, and it takes a lot.

If you are requiring us to give more of ourselves, to "babysit", "moderate" or expend extra resources on you, that we really do not have, because you repeatedly break the rules ... your complaints will not be received in the same manner as a Member who has caused no problems.

That's just the truth, and yall may as well know it.

This is the case for Brother Isaiah, and until he can consistently abide by our rules himself, i'm really not interested in hearing his complaints about others doing what he perceives as breaking the rules. I basically told him this same thing, with his recent complaint(s) (http://destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=35219) against other Members, and i'm telling him again now.

For those of you who have "legitimate complaints," please read this thread (http://destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=33293) for more information.

None of us have ever managed a Black Online Community, with 9000+ Members, 300,000+ posts, online classes, voice chat, etc., etc., etc. Perhaps some of you have, and can give us some expert advice. We are aware that there is always room for improvement, and we welcome the suggestions and opinions of every Member ... especially those who consistently respect the rules that are already in place.

We are growing into ourself, as we have from day one, always trying to improve upon our process, and we shall continue, as long as God says the same.

Much Love and Peace Sister.

:heart:

Destee

Am I unwelcome here if I cause a disruption?

That is true, you are unwelcome if you cause disruption(s).

:heart:

Destee

Destee, this is funny! Really! :lol: " ...our Dear Darling Brother James can be ... blunt ... to say the least. ...he never really means to be mean."


blunt (RUDE) adjective:
saying what you think without trying to be polite or caring about other people's feelings


James,
If Destee believes you have a good heart and thinks you mean well, you might want to review what the word blunt means. I've learned that you have to respect people feelings; otherwise they may take offense and not hear what you're trying to say. I also want to add, you are setting yourself up for future karma, i.e., you will, if you aren't already, become very sensitive to others who are blunt and will experience the emotional pain you now trigger in others to your own bluntness. I know from experience.

GKB ... considering you just joined, and are trying to be all up in a discussion that you weren't here for when it "all" got started ... you might want to sit back and watch ... see how we live before getting all in this ... because i'm beginning to consider you disruptive.

:heart:

Destee

This sounds like we are in training to be killer-pitbulls who get rewarded when we go for the jugular whenever we encounter each other here. You say this is to get us ready to do battle with the enemy out there?

So the problem might lie in how we are all looking at this board--differently. I thought we were "FAMILY" here. My demeanor is very different when I'm out in the world. I can quickly move into warlike mode when I'm out there, but when I'm with "Family" I'm soft and I go overboard to avoid hurting the feelings of "family" members.
This is why I was surprised at the whole slew of put-downs, name-calling, and other insults here between "family" members.

Sister Riada ... Brother James and i have apologized, which you accepted.

Unfortunately, we won't be able to please everyone, no matter what we do.

If you find we're not the type of community you're looking for, i understand.

:heart:

Destee

Hello Family,

I posted the following in a previous post, in this thread:



All who are reading, please take note.

Moderators do not get paid for moderating here. None of us get paid for anything. This costs us money, time, energy, etc. All of the Moderators contribute in this way, and more. The time spent managing, building, and maintaining this community is all done on a volunteer basis, and it takes a lot.

If you are requiring us to give more of ourselves, to "babysit", "moderate" or expend extra resources on you, that we really do not have, because you repeatedly break the rules ... your complaints will not be received in the same manner as a Member who has caused no problems.

That's just the truth, and yall may as well know it.

This is the case for Brother Isaiah, and until he can consistently abide by our rules himself, i'm really not interested in hearing his complaints about others doing what he perceives as breaking the rules. I basically told him this same thing, with his recent complaint(s) (http://destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=35219) against other Members, and i'm telling him again now.

For those of you who have "legitimate complaints," please read this thread (http://destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=33293) for more information.

None of us have ever managed a Black Online Community, with 9000+ Members, 300,000+ posts, online classes, voice chat, etc., etc., etc. Perhaps some of you have, and can give us some expert advice. We are aware that there is always room for improvement, and we welcome the suggestions and opinions of every Member ... especially those who consistently respect the rules that are already in place.

We are growing into ourself, as we have from day one, always trying to improve upon our process, and we shall continue, as long as God says the same.

This thread is closed.

:heart:

Destee