be serious or get commited to a woman with a bad reputation? a woman who has been around the block in the past?

it really depend on her mind set and where she been sometime you can't
change one who been around the block too many times but over all yes


I'll be back to express why i said yes .....................

My answer to this question may not be popular, but it is honest. As brother Rich said YES to becoming committed to a woman who has "been around the block"; I would have to give a resounding NO as my answer. There is a saying that men have: "Never try to turn a whore into a housewife". There are some men who pay this saying no mind. However I have personally witnessed too many brothers have their hearts broken by trying to ignore this advice. In addition to this, men talk about women who have lived this type of lifestyle. In the case of a man who has either...forgiven...forgotten...ignored his woman's bad reputation (which is necessary to be in a committed relationship with a woman like this), this attitude is hard to maintain once men start coming up to you talking about your woman: How she was a freak in bed...where her birthmark is...that sexy mole on her ***! To be fair any man who is involved with a woman that had previous boyfriends can be subjected to this. Although there is a considerable difference between 1 or 2 men talking to you like this, than 30 or 40 men doing the same. After a certain point, I think most brothers will start to become turned off. This does not even include the comments overheard when walking around in public. Even more seriously it doesn't include the efforts of neighborhood men who will continue to try and sleep with your woman, because they still think they can. My ultimate reason for not wanting to be with a woman that has "been around the block" is I couldn't respect her (for all the reasons previously listed)! Indeed I couldn't be with any woman that I didn't respect.

Nope I won't, I agree with everything panafrica said. It's not worth it. If you couldn't respect yourself then I definately won't respect you. Now, I don't want a virgin, but I don't want a whore either. I want someone that doesn't sleep with everyone on the block. Some people try and give reasons why women do these things. I really don't care what reason there is for this behavior, I will not take a chance on a tramp.

not to be a hypocrite...i'll just say...it largely depends on how she acts in the current day and age...i'd rather have someone that told me about her dirt up front rather then have someone with ill secrets for however long...this i do know...

one love
khasm

2 Yes & 2 No: It will be interesting to read how the other brothers comment on this issue.

My answer to this question may not be popular, but it is honest. As brother Rich said YES to becoming committed to a woman who has "been around the block"; I would have to give a resounding NO as my answer. There is a saying that men have: "Never try to turn a whore into a housewife". There are some men who pay this saying no mind. However I have personally witnessed too many brothers have their hearts broken by trying to ignore this advice. In addition to this, men talk about women who have lived this type of lifestyle. In the case of a man who has either...forgiven...forgotten...ignored his woman's bad reputation (which is necessary to be in a committed relationship with a woman like this), this attitude is hard to maintain once men start coming up to you talking about your woman: How she was a freak in bed...where her birthmark is...that sexy mole on her ***! To be fair any man who is involved with a woman that had previous boyfriends can be subjected to this. Although there is a considerable difference between 1 or 2 men talking to you like this, than 30 or 40 men doing the same. After a certain point, I think most brothers will start to become turned off. This does not even include the comments overheard when walking around in public. Even more seriously it doesn't include the efforts of neighborhood men who will continue to try and sleep with your woman, because they still think they can. My ultimate reason for not wanting to be with a woman that has "been around the block" is I couldn't respect her (for all the reasons previously listed)! Indeed I couldn't be with any woman that I didn't respect.

Well i think it is still the double standard with full force . A man could have been a player in his youth and now he is saying that he has changed and he has grown up and that now he is different. But a woman if she has made mistakes before, she is still judged as if she has never changed?

Well i think it is still the double standard with full force . A man could have been a player in his youth and now he is saying that he has changed and he has grown up and that now he is different. But a woman if she has made mistakes before, she is still judged as if she has never changed?

Well to be fair, if I was a woman, I wouldn't marry a player either! The behaviors aren't really that different. How many woman get their hearts broken by trying to "reform" the ladies man. I think we all know that the answer is...too many to count. However there is some double standard between men who behave in this manner from women that do the same. The only thing I can say is that women aren't men, and shouldn't try to be. Those that do usually end up hurting themselves!

Well to be fair, if I was a woman, I wouldn't marry a player either!

I agree and I'm a woman. I personally detest 'playas', and if I was single would not date someone who had those tendencies.

However, in general society does not stigmatize men who have indiscriminate sex as it does women.

I agree and I'm a woman. However, society does not stigmatize men who have indiscriminate sex as it does women.

I wrote that message in a hurry sister Karmashines...I just added a more detailed response. The ultimate message is the same though.

Well to be fair, if I was a woman, I wouldn't marry a player either! The behaviors aren't really that different. How many woman get their hearts broken by trying to "reform" the ladies man. I think we all know that the answer is...too many to count. However there is some double standard between men who behave in this manner from women that do the same. The only thing I can say is that women aren't men, and shouldn't try to be. Those that do usually end up hurting themselves!

I think there are deeper issues going on when women are being extremely loose. For example, it is common knowledge that girls who are sexually abused often act out in a way that society considers slutty when they get older. Very low self-esteem can also be a culprit for this type of behavior in women who haven't been abused. They keep doing what they do because the only way they can get attention from a man is if they spread their legs.

Men have indiscriminate sex because of their sex drive and the notion that boys will be boys. Psychological problems and self-esteem does not seem to factor in to their sexual decisions, unless their behavior is deviant, such as the rapist or the pedophile (spelling).

NO, I would not even waste my time with a female with these bad traits. I know too many sistas who have been doing the right thing since day one! I always heard you can not change a person. Some people mess with Mr.Bad or Ms.Bad and when things go wrong he or she acts like they had no clue.

I think there are deeper issues going on when women are being extremely loose. For example, it is common knowledge that girls who are sexually abused often act out in a way that society considers slutty when they get older. Very low self-esteem can also be a culprit for this type of behavior in women who haven't been abused. They keep doing what they do because the only way they can get attention from a man is if they spread their legs.

Perhaps...perhaps not, either way the behavior & negative consequences remain the same. If a woman behaves in this manner as a result of sexual abuse, I hope she would seek profession. However I still doubt that most men would want to deal with the drama associated with this type of woman (not knowingly anyway).

I think there are deeper issues going on when women are being extremely loose. For example, it is common knowledge that girls who are sexually abused often act out in a way that society considers slutty when they get older. Very low self-esteem can also be a culprit for this type of behavior in women who haven't been abused. They keep doing what they do because the only way they can get attention from a man is if they spread their legs.

Men have indiscriminate sex because of their sex drive and the notion that boys will be boys. Psychological problems and self-esteem does not seem to factor in to their sexual decisions, unless their behavior is deviant, such as the rapist or the pedophile (spelling

I can agree with this to some point! Some women don't have these issues at all. They simple know what they want and go after it! Breaking through the barriers of society's decriminating views. You won't here this women complaining about the unfaithful men. Their desire is to be sexually satisfied.

I do believe that cheating is psychological, but in the sense that sexual pleasure will be different with each person. The mental creates the illusion that signals the hormones, the next partners attractive qualities will be as they invisioned in their minds. All the while not realizing that sex is just sex. It is what we think about sex, or how we feel about the partner that determines how pleasing it will be.

I believe that at some point, some people began to realize these traits and seek more substance in a partner. Their past may have been loose but they have outgrown the desire for just the climax. They want more now. How we view a womens sexuality has always been conditioned in us for a long time. Women sexually needs arent much different from a mans. It just that she has been conditioned to believe that it is. I don't think that they are competing with men. But exercising their sexually desires. It is society who veiws women different from men. Like apples and oranges. Yes, women are physically different, however, I just don't buy into the notion that there emotional/mental thinking are that far off from each other. Where a women speaks openly most of the times about issues, a man was conditioned to believe that he is weak, if he expressed his inner emotions.

So with all this in mind, People can change! What someone has done in the past should always be weighed against the integrity of your own. If their past actions conflict with your expectations, then no, don't persue them. Because that will always bring suspicion and create drama. However, if you are convinced that this person has completely changed his/hers lifestyle, I see nothing wrong with a person persuing a future with them.

A woman who has had many sexual relations with men in the community can get a chance if she truly has dealt with the issue that has caused her to be this way. Love has a way of changing people. If she and I were in love with each other AND we took care of each other physically, mentally, and spiritually, I do believe it can work out. If she focuses on our relationship and puts that first, I truly believe that it can work out.

I think people (women and men) who are that sexually active are sex addicts but brush it off as having a high sex drive or they just like having a variety in their lovers. Obviously, these are people who are not ready to settle down. You can tell this in anyone...just watch their behavior when you're out in public. It's very obvious.

On another note, there are a lot of women who do not tell how many men they have slept with. Men hold water too. So, I guess it comes down to whether you know what she did or not. Some women may not have slept with a lot of men in the community but they have slept with many men. A brotha on her vacation, a brotha in school, a brotha at church , or a brotha she met on a greyhound bus when she went to visit her aunt and she had a 2 hour layover in his city. None of these men may live in her neighborhood but she may have slept with them...and just not have told you about it. So, that woman you think is not sleeping around may have slept around and you just don't know it.

Hence, you never know. So, if the both of you are deeply in love, focus on your relationship, and are very committed to being together, I believe it can work no matter what was done in the past...known or unknown.

peace

A woman who has had many sexual relations with men in the community can get a chance if she truly has dealt with the issue that has caused her to be this way. Love has a way of changing people. If she and I were in love with each other AND we took care of each other physically, mentally, and spiritually, I do believe it can work out. If she focuses on our relationship and puts that first, I truly believe that it can work out.

I think people (women and men) who are that sexually active are sex addicts but brush it off as having a high sex drive or they just like having a variety in their lovers. Obviously, these are people who are not ready to settle down. You can tell this in anyone...just watch their behavior when you're out in public. It's very obvious.

On another note, there are a lot of women who do not tell how many men they have slept with. Men hold water too. So, I guess it comes down to whether you know what she did or not. Some women may not have slept with a lot of men in the community but they have slept with many men. A brotha on her vacation, a brotha in school, a brotha at church , or a brotha she met on a greyhound bus when she went to visit her aunt and she had a 2 hour layover in his city. None of these men may live in her neighborhood but she may have slept with them...and just not have told you about it. So, that woman you think is not sleeping around may have slept around and you just don't know it.

Hence, you never know. So, if the both of you are deeply in love, focus on your relationship, and are very committed to being together, I believe it can work no matter what was done in the past...known or unknown.

peace

Very good points.

How would you know, though, that the man or woman is ready to settle down and take things seriously? What if they make another sexual mistake during the course of your relationship with them? While I agree on some level people should be given second chances, when someone's sexual exploits are well-known it could be difficult to trust the person.

On another note, there are a lot of women who do not tell how many men they have slept with. Men hold water too. So, I guess it comes down to whether you know what she did or not. Some women may not have slept with a lot of men in the community but they have slept with many men. A brotha on her vacation, a brotha in school, a brotha at church , or a brotha she met on a greyhound bus when she went to visit her aunt and she had a 2 hour layover in his city. None of these men may live in her neighborhood but she may have slept with them...and just not have told you about it. So, that woman you think is not sleeping around may have slept around and you just don't know it.

Brother Monetary:

You left out the best man at your wedding...the doctor who delivered your 1st born...the mailman while you were at work...

Well to be fair, if I was a woman, I wouldn't marry a player either! The behaviors aren't really that different. How many woman get their hearts broken by trying to "reform" the ladies man. I think we all know that the answer is...too many to count. However there is some double standard between men who behave in this manner from women that do the same. The only thing I can say is that women aren't men, and shouldn't try to be. Those that do usually end up hurting themselves!


well i think as you said that if you were a woman you wouldn't marry a player, but you didn't talk about a FORMER player. And it is not because one unknown person agree with you that it means that what you say is right. Opinion are not fact, they are just that: opinions.
And about your last sentence, it is once again a question of opinion , and it a woman has changed there is no reason why she should be blamed for her past. Some women will go to great length to date a gigolo, a man with children just because she can buy the children with gifts and the guy is broke. And they think they can give advice to anybody. there is saying: when you point your finger at someone, do not forget that there is 3 fingers that you point to you.

I think there are deeper issues going on when women are being extremely loose. For example, it is common knowledge that girls who are sexually abused often act out in a way that society considers slutty when they get older. Very low self-esteem can also be a culprit for this type of behavior in women who haven't been abused. They keep doing what they do because the only way they can get attention from a man is if they spread their legs.

Men have indiscriminate sex because of their sex drive and the notion that boys will be boys. Psychological problems and self-esteem does not seem to factor in to their sexual decisions, unless their behavior is deviant, such as the rapist or the pedophile (spelling).


why does it have to be a self-esteem issue with a woman and not with a man? Or is it also the fact can have a high self-esteem if she decided to be just like a man? Trying to categorize someone is just a reflection of your own insecurities. And I do not forget that women are also jealous of other women and see other women as a threat and she will try to belittle other women by a fake psychanalitycal and hypocrital analysis.

NO, I would not even waste my time with a female with these bad traits. I know too many sistas who have been doing the right thing since day one! I always heard you can not change a person. Some people mess with Mr.Bad or Ms.Bad and when things go wrong he or she acts like they had no clue.
nobody talked about changing a person , but what if the person decided to change? not because of you but for herself?

Very good points.

How would you know, though, that the man or woman is ready to settle down and take things seriously? What if they make another sexual mistake during the course of your relationship with them? While I agree on some level people should be given second chances, when someone's sexual exploits are well-known it could be difficult to trust the person.


well if some people are so negative are to always predict the worse and into meddling in the relationship of others rather than worry about what her boyfriend is doing with other women, she shouldn't have to worry about what is none of her business.

well i think as you said that if you were a woman you wouldn't marry a player, but you didn't talk about a FORMER player. And it is not because one unknown person agree with you that it means that what you say is right. Opinion are not fact, they are just that: opinions.
And about your last sentence, it is once again a question of opinion , and it a woman has changed there is no reason why she should be blamed for her past. Some women will go to great length to date a gigolo, a man with children just because she can buy the children with gifts and the guy is broke. And they think they can give advice to anybody. there is saying: when you point your finger at someone, do not forget that there is 3 fingers that you point to you.

Your right Africane everything I said is my opinion, however, you asked for fellas opinions (which I am). Therefore I have the right to give it. You may not want to believe what I said; however, I'm telling you most men will not "knowingly" date a woman that has been around the block. It is possible for such a person to change, it is possible for any person to change. However, most people would suspect that the tendacies are still there. Knowing her former past, it would be human nature to suspect this person of cheating during an unexplained absence. In addition I usually advise people to ignore outside influences within a relationship. But if a woman has slept with half the men in town, then that task is difficult to do. As I said, I'm not talking theory here. I've actually seen men try to seriously date the town whore & every time they ended up regretting it. They ending up regretting it because despite their efforts to love these women...despite an initial period of faithfulness...in the end, the women still slept with every other man they met! It is a matter of trust...it is a matter of pride...most men would be against it. I think they have reason to be. All that being said, I hope you find a guy that doesn't mind forming a relationship with a woman that has "been around the block before".

why does it have to be a self-esteem issue with a woman and not with a man? Or is it also the fact can have a high self-esteem if she decided to be just like a man? Trying to categorize someone is just a reflection of your own insecurities. And I do not forget that women are also jealous of other women and see other women as a threat and she will try to belittle other women by a fake psychanalitycal and hypocrital analysis.

If it was truly possible for a woman to be "like a man", if her indiscriminate sexual escapades were a reflection of high self-esteem...then the question:

fellas will you be serious or get commited to a woman with a bad reputation? a woman who has been around the block in the past?

wouldn't have to be asked. Sister the ladies weren't trying to put you down, they were trying to be helpful. Don't be so sensitive, that you refuse advice (because it isn't what you want to hear). Indeed if you don't want to hear the answer, then don't ask the question!

I am so with you on this Sister Africane! However, Brother Pan has made some good points. Many men are against it. Women have been viewed this way for a very long time. I say its time this stinky thinking be put to bed. Its time that Black people stop dividing the responsibilities of what a women worth is as compared to a man. Just because the majority is caught up in a time warp, it doesn't make the double standard legit. We must learn to recognized what is our own thoughts as opposed to the thoughts that are implemented in our psyche.

If the Black communities are to get stronger, we must start to understand the nature of people rather than determining it according to their sex. We are living in a time where women are no longer submissively standing in the shadows of men. Women are recognising their own capabilities whether or not it is going against the grain of society, they are expressing their individualities.

Women are lawyers, doctors, CEOS, reverends, engineers, and unfortunately, criminal minded too. If we are going to condemn one, then we must comdemn the other too. Our community is unblanced, which also adds to the breakingdown of our community. I believe that it is the root to why, we as a people are failing our children. Its the constant battle of who should be doing what, why, when, and in the mean time or children are being pushed aside, Confussed and making their own judgmental evaluations based on the conditions of the community families.

As I said before, a women's sexuality, emotional and psychological needs isn't that much different from a man's. And if our men/women don't recognize these common traits in our individual selves soon, we will continue to be the problem and not the solution. If a mans past is not held against him, then a womens past should not be held against her.

I know it is difficult to break old conditions, but who ever said that everything worth changing would be easy. If men want women who are virtuous, then we must demand men to honor the same. Balance isn't obtained on its own, both parties have to be willing to give and take a little.

Issues from the past have a way of affecting the future. I learned this the hard way having to deal with baby daddys and a stable of ex boy friends that make it their business to let the town know that they have been with your girlfriend/wife is alot to deal with. You just have to understand how deep the fog is before you step into it and get consumed lol. :hot:

Women are lawyers, doctors, CEOS, reverends, engineers, and unfortunately, criminal minded too. If we are going to condemn one, then we must comdemn the other too. Our community is unblanced, which also adds to the breakingdown of our community. I believe that it is the root to why, we as a people are failing our children. Its the constant battle of who should be doing what, why, when, and in the mean time or children are being pushed aside, Confussed and making their own judgmental evaluations based on the conditions of the community families.

As I said before, a women's sexuality, emotional and psychological needs isn't that much different from a man's. And if our men/women don't recognize these common traits in our individual selves soon, we will continue to be the problem and not the solution. If a mans past is not held against him, then a womens past should not be held against her.

I don't see what women being lawyers, doctors, CEOs, and engineers, has to do with this topic. There is nothing "revolutionary" about being a tramp. In addition in what world is a man's past (especially a black man's past) not held against them. Behaving like a **** is not beneficial for either women or men. There are many veneral diseases & cancers associated with having a multitude of sexual partners. This is especially true for women. People have a right to live how they please, but they shouldn't cry "foul" when they choose to live in ways which are socially acceptable!

Hi Brother Pan, the reason I listed the capabilities of women is because, there too was a period in time when women were not honored to hold such positions. They were frowned upon when accomplishing such feats. I used it as an example of how society has balanced the differences and recognized that the deeds of women are equal to that of men. If this is so, in a positive prospective, then why isn't it displayed in the negative.

If mans sexual past is accepted, which is negative, then a womens sexual past should hold no difference. Yes, is true that mans past have been held against them, but I am not speaking from a european view nor am I speaking from a mans. I am speaking from one Black womens view. The majority of the time Black women have forgiven men for their negative behaviors of their past. I agree that diseases, amongst many of things are associated with multiple sexual partners, but where a women is scorned for such deeds, men are more tolerated and accepted when it comes to the same deeds This is where the balance is totally off. If it is a womens choice to decide whom, and how many partners she sleeps with, the choice is also a mans. Women and men both assist in the spread of disease's. If a man is so disaproved on the sexually acts of a women, then he should not have sex with multiple partners as well and expect for it to be forgiven. If he feels that he can change, then why think the worst of a women whom feels the same. I am not talking about men or women who don't contribute to these acts, and stand firm on what they believe is morally correct. I'm talking about men who display the same thing but are the first to comdemn a women for the same act. I am a firm believer of the saying, "you get back what you put out."

Very good points.

How would you know, though, that the man or woman is ready to settle down and take things seriously? What if they make another sexual mistake during the course of your relationship with them? While I agree on some level people should be given second chances, when someone's sexual exploits are well-known it could be difficult to trust the person.

I think that people who have been hurt in a relationship know when they are tired of the games and decide to act right. They also know when others decide to act right too. It's called taking things seriously. You know...because you don't ignore the sigans anymore...AND you make decisions based on common sense as well as your :heart:.

For example, most people know when they are socializing with someone who is a player. It's not that difficult to see...right along with everyone telling you that that person is a player. We need to stop ignoring the signs of people who just aren't ready for a serious relationship which may lead to marriage.

Don't get me wrong. People do change...and that...you can not control. But, to me, that's GOD's way of saying it's time for the next step...whatever that may be...IMHO.

peace

Brother Monetary:

You left out the best man at your wedding...the doctor who delivered your 1st born...the mailman while you were at work...

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Now that's a busy woman. :lol:

But, most women who may sleep around aren't that bad.

For example, over a 10-year period, a woman can have slept with 20 guys. That's assuming just 2 men a year...in a COMMITTED relationship with no cheating between the two of them. And yet, if she honestly answers the question how many men has she slept with, most people would condemn the poor woman. For some, 20 lovers for any woman no matter how long she has lived on the face of this earth is too many men. That's because we don't consider TIME SPAN. Hell, she can say 10 and some would trip...knowing **** well they have probably slept with over twice that many. Most men should just stop being hypocritical.

If we want women to value their bodies, then so should we. :D

Your right Africane everything I said is my opinion, however, you asked for fellas opinions (which I am). Therefore I have the right to give it. You may not want to believe what I said; however, I'm telling you most men will not "knowingly" date a woman that has been around the block. It is possible for such a person to change, it is possible for any person to change. However, most people would suspect that the tendacies are still there. Knowing her former past, it would be human nature to suspect this person of cheating during an unexplained absence. In addition I usually advise people to ignore outside influences within a relationship. But if a woman has slept with half the men in town, then that task is difficult to do. As I said, I'm not talking theory here. I've actually seen men try to seriously date the town whore & every time they ended up regretting it. They ending up regretting it because despite their efforts to love these women...despite an initial period of faithfulness...in the end, the women still slept with every other man they met! It is a matter of trust...it is a matter of pride...most men would be against it. I think they have reason to be. All that being said, I hope you find a guy that doesn't mind forming a relationship with a woman that has "been around the block before".

He really couldn't tell that she was like that? I don't think she was ready to settle down....or stop her ways. He should have seen that if he paid attention to the signs. They're there. We just have to open our eyes.

Also, you are still implying that she's still sleeping around. Hell, I wouldn't mess with her either in that case. :lol:

However, most people would suspect that the tendacies are still there. Knowing her former past, it would be human nature to suspect this person of cheating during an unexplained absence.

Good point. But, that too is a sign that she's not ready. When you love someone, you will do what it takes to make them SECURE in a relationship...unless their insecurity is overbearing. "...unexplained absence[s]" shouldn't happen...past player or not.

Issues from the past have a way of affecting the future. I learned this the hard way having to deal with baby daddys and a stable of ex boy friends that make it their business to let the town know that they have been with your girlfriend/wife is alot to deal with. You just have to understand how deep the fog is before you step into it and get consumed lol. :hot:

This is very true!

most women who may sleep around aren't that bad.
For example, over a 10-year period, a woman can have slept with 20 guys. That's assuming just 2 men a year...in a COMMITTED relationship with no cheating between the two of them. And yet, if she honestly answers the question how many men has she slept with, most people would condemn the poor woman. For some, 20 lovers for any woman no matter how long she has lived on the face of this earth is too many men. That's because we don't consider TIME SPAN. Hell, she can say 10 and some would trip...knowing **** well they have probably slept with over twice that many. Most men should just stop being hypocritical. If we want women to value their bodies, then so should we.

I understand what you are saying brother Monetary. However there is a remarkable difference between a woman who has been in several relationships, and a woman who has "been around the block". That term has a completely different connotation to it. It suggest a different pattern of behavior, hence the "bad reputation". I don't believe that a woman who has had several different relationships would have such a reputation.

it ain't where you're from it's where you're at

be serious or get commited to a woman with a bad reputation? a woman who has been around the block in the past?



I would give someone I really love a chance to change. It is a one time ticket. No re-rides, second chances, upgrades or one mistake passes accepted.

I believe in commitment. I ask questions because things like this matter to me and enter my mind, and I would want know I am at least with someone who is disease free, free to do as we desired. And I could trust my life too.
They have done the same. Knowingly or not.

I have to have trust. I give it and I make it first in establishing a relationship. You used to be able to go get a shot and all cured. It isn't that way any more. A lover takes your life into their hands if you deliver yourself into theirs without knowing the truth. At least discuss the past, it is hard to do but one should know all the conditions they are entering into.

If a woman had been promiscuous before we met, her desire to commit to me is valid unless she does diffrent.

Often the question is never posed like it should be to either partner.


There is a double standard. A woman that sleeps with multiple men is doing so because she wants (desires and needs ) variety. A man sleeps with multiple women because he wants ( desires and needs ) variety. No difference in what they both do.

But the standard is applied different to women and is tougher on woman because they have more to do with the sexual act taking place or not taking place. Men are willing participants ( only ) if she desires to be promiscuous.

Then those same men who welcome having their cake scorn those same women who fulfill those desires and caste them into the arena of undesirables.

Control from a society that is battling with their own ( desires, and needs ) demons must find and create other demons to point fingers at. So the woman is a victim in this respect.

Society decided that her actions are wicked. That same group of moral deficient ( decision makers ) rulers also decided her actions were immoral. Control on their part isn’t present in thier own lives. Theirs is better hidden and more discreet.

Moral principles are applied unequal to control her. That same moral attitude isn’t applied equally to men because men were on the court of desion makers that made the rule. Why? Because he knows he can only have his desires and needs fulfilled if he has a ( woman ) willing participant. There are some serious psychological imbalances in the head of these people.

Unless one change the history of the world. One can’t change the actions of an individual.

Long standing customs exist that we do not have the entire knowledge of. Practices from our ancestors we unknowingly practice, many cultures practice. But are told those practices are immoral and undesirable in a civilized society. People have for centuries trying to been intervening into others culture, desires, and affairs. Thru force, law, moral principle and did not fall short when it came to sexual behavior.

Her wants and needs are no different from men. She is just viewed by moral society as loose and untrustworthy.

I would trust a woman ( I truly cared to spend time with, love, and get to know ) until she showed me that she could longer be trusted.

Once your trust is given to another, you actually give up and loose your control over just what they can inflict on you and do to you. To the degree that it has become the barrier to solid relationships and unity. I shed those fear long ago, recognizing that it was the core of unsubstantiated anxiety.

I’m not saying the thought doesn’t enter my mind that while she is away on a trip. Some good looking guy won’t try to tempt her, into a quick and shallow rendezvous.

I am trusting that her and I have talked about the trust and desire issue enough to understand that if she or I really wanted.. I mean really wanted to be with another, we could openly discuss that before it actually happened. It is a building of respect for each others safety, feelings, desires, wishes, dreams, and spontaneous nature.

I can only control my self. My promise to the agreement. If she feels she needs to do these extra things on the down low, it is understood that on my part no hesitation would be considered when it comes to me moving on.

When you have someone coming back after messing up, they have come to an epiphany of understanding they should have gotten before the incident broke up what you and they were building together.

Everyday we all are bombarded with opportunity to cheat. At work, on the bus, train and from our neighbors. All you can do is get in the ring everyday and fight for your love. By being the best you can be. By being the best you can as a lover. Delivering on what your responsibilities are. Setting goals together and asking your mate what are some short term wishes and goals and some long term goals you oth can work on, or they wish to accomplish. Travel desires, the list goes on.

Where this tends to falter is when one or the other moves left and you are moving right not knowing or sure they are still by your side. When one or the other is not or never was the communicator you thought they were ( sharing desires, wishes, dreams ) And goes off doing their own thing.

Be it sleeping around, buying things with out discussing them, going places without discussing them. Just being selfish and self absorbed. It is an intense wake up call to find you have grown apart and didn’t see it coming.

That around the block thing has spilled over into judging a woman based on how many children she has. She can be with the same man. Have two or three maybe four children and are shunned.

If I loved that woman, I would do my best to take care of them all.

To much credit is given to how and what others will think and say.

BE A MAN! Dam the whispering of others. The smiles will turn to frowns after love has entered the equation.

A woman unlike a man will still be with or claim her children. A man doesn’t have little ones clinging to their coat tails obvious in public or view. So he appears to be upstanding, until you dig one or two levels into his past, and find he is baby dropper, child support payment hopper. Wanting the trip, but doesn’t want to pay the ticket master for the ride player.

We can get better in relationships, we have to. Be honest. Try that first. Be open ( minded ) try that. We won’t call it morals, we need a new name for the drug. Call it RIGHT THING to DO. ( RTTD ) get an ounce of that cronic.

Folks will listen to a horror story, a bad incident, some others trying times, some others misfortune. Taking all out interest and desire to spread, share what they know saw and experienced. But will not listen to the story of a woman who has made some bad decisions.

it ain't where you're from it's where you're at

Tell them James... Preach brother. :lol: Our wisdom didn't come with age. It has aways been present, we just get small opportunitys to share it.

I just look at it like this, a woman has a bad reputation for a reason. A woman that has been with more than one man will not get a bad reputation automatically. A woman that has been with one guy this week and another the next and two more the week after that will get the reputation that they deserve. Is that the type of woman you want on your arm? How dumb will you feel if you have a woman on your arm, wining and dining her, when the next brotha only dropped a few bad lines and was in her panties before the night was over? It's not worth it. You make yourself look so desperate that you'd take an ex-whore instead of finding a respectable woman to share your valuable time with. Her reputation hurts you just as much as it hurts her. I say no, she was to live with her bad reputation...not me. :coffee:

I just look at it like this, a woman has a bad reputation for a reason. A woman that has been with more than one man will not get a bad reputation automatically. A woman that has been with one guy this week and another the next and two more the week after that will get the reputation that they deserve. Is that the type of woman you want on your arm? How dumb will you feel if you have a woman on your arm, wining and dining her, when the next brotha only dropped a few bad lines and was in her panties before the night was over? It's not worth it. You make yourself look so desperate that you'd take an ex-whore instead of finding a respectable woman to share your valuable time with. Her reputation hurts you just as much as it hurts her. I say no, she was to live with her bad reputation...not me. :coffee:

You talking to me? You talking to me? lol

Kente.. my point isn't to make you change yours. I have a different take on life. On human nature. Some call it being real.

" A woman that has been with more than one man will not get a bad reputation automatically. " Did you mean ( to drop the not )?

So what if you didn't know? I don't take a poll on every one I have in my life.
Asking those who know her to give me the dirt. Caring about what they may contribute good or bad, I let the woman be a woman. If new information is presented, then I ask her about it. But see I ask up front about her past, no surprises, honesty established the information I want from her day one.

" A woman that has been with one guy this week and another the next and two more the week after that will get the reputation that they deserve. Is that the type of woman you want on your arm? "

I would give someone I really love a chance to change. It is a one time ticket. No re-rides, second chances, upgrades or one mistake passes accepted. So if she wants to keep up her escapades. Then my ticket to ride is voided.

" How dumb will you feel if you have a woman on your arm, wining and dining her, when the next brotha only dropped a few bad lines and was in her panties before the night was over? It's not worth it."

When I go out, I entertain myself in the fashion I enjoy. So if a lady is fortunate to be with me she has that same treatment. I'm gonna buy me some expensive drinks, as many as I like. As many as she likes. Eat all the best , Prime Rib for me, what ever she wants off the menu.

You mean if I am just getting to know her and I do not get to sleep with her that night, or at all. It really doesn't matter. Its about me being with whom I please and when I please to be with. I have spent money on woman and never wanted to sleep with them, we both had good conversation, and danced and went our separate ways. I go out to please me. If I'm having a good time you better believe she will also. Let her have those knuckle heads, if that what s turns her on and is all she knows.

Chances are her and I will never meet anyway. I don't run in seedy circles.

You make yourself look so desperate that you'd take an ex-whore instead of finding a respectable woman to share your valuable time with. Her reputation hurts you just as much as it hurts her.

I do not have one deparate bone in my body. Never did . Never will. I never had a shortage of woman I could give my time and attention to. Being married now I choose to give it now to one.

A woman with children, is not a whore. You need a redirect. a woman that has slept around isn't automatically a whore. She was just getting busy like you. Hopefully she used protection.

I believe in commitment. I ask questions because things like this matter to me and enter my mind, and I would want know I am at least with someone who is disease free, free to do as we desired. And I could trust my life too.

They have done the same. Knowingly or not.

If your decision is to never be with a woman who has several kids, then that has to be respected. Who am I to judge? Only GOD can judge me and when I face him, I will be worthy.

Hey Hodee, my post wasn't directed at anyone in particular, but my opinion. I have no problem with women or men doing as they please with whomever they choose to do it with, but I don't think they should expect to be treated and looked on as if they deserve to be put on a pedastal. If some choose to ignore warning signs concerning a persons behavior, that's their own business. People will sleep around whether they have been with 5 partners or 100, but if you see a pattern why put your time and effort into it? If you are looking to just get laid, then ok, but if we're talking about a relationship, one should be picky and observant of the prospective partners past, because whether you acknowledge it or not, it affects your future and the way you view this woman/man. If a person sees these warning signs and ignores them, who will take the blame when they turn from signs to actions?

Hey Hodee, my post wasn't directed at anyone in particular, but my opinion. I have no problem with women or men doing as they please with whomever they choose to do it with, but I don't think they should expect to be treated and looked on as if they deserve to be put on a pedastal. If some choose to ignore warning signs concerning a persons behavior, that's their own business. People will sleep around whether they have been with 5 partners or 100, but if you see a pattern why put your time and effort into it? If you are looking to just get laid, then ok, but if we're talking about a relationship, one should be picky and observant of the prospective partners past, because whether you acknowledge it or not, it affects your future and the way you view this woman/man. If a person sees these warning signs and ignores them, who will take the blame when they turn from signs to actions?

Hey you see I put the lol in there.. no serious offense taken Brother Kente. I respect your opinion. I agree with you.

Let me lighten it up, I just thought the lighting bolt part was so cool. If I could only have three to send down from heaven.. I would have used them up by now.

Everyone and anyone can cheat. A cheater like a theif, or drug dealer knows they are doing wrong. That is why they try hiding the dirt. Run when the relationship is called to the carpet and run when the police come.

Hey you see I put the lol in there.. no serious offense taken Brother Kente. I respect your opinion. I agree with you.

Let me lighten it up, I just thought the lighting bolt part was so cool. If I could only have three to send down from heaven.. I would have used them up by now.

Everyone and anyone can cheat. A cheater like a theif, or drug dealer knows they are doing wrong. That is why they try hiding the dirt. Run when the relationship is called to the carpet and run when the police come.

Yeah, I saw the lol, I see what you're saying because I'm sure there are women that were going throough a lot and were a little more adventurous and in need of what they thought was love, but it's too hard to weed them out. It would be nice, but my life is too short and I can't waste time trying to understand why they did wat they did..when they did it. I wish I ha eternity, then I'd be more than willing to. I hear you though Hodee. Maybe I'm to impatient. :lol:

Yeah, I saw the lol, I see what you're saying because I'm sure there are women that were going throough a lot and were a little more adventurous and in need of what they thought was love, but it's too hard to weed them out. It would be nice, but my life is too short and I can't waste time trying to understand why they did wat they did..when they did it. I wish I ha eternity, then I'd be more than willing to. I hear you though Hodee. Maybe I'm to impatient. :lol:

Lets go fishing. lol.. that builds patience.

You know Kente. You can spend years with someone good. There are no gaurantees in this life. You can do all the right things. They still may do you wrong. What one needs to know is get all of the enjoyment out of relationships and life and don't worry about the time. It passes with someone, and without someone. Time is never lost, ( you know how some folks say they spent years with someone and it was wasted and they gave them their best ). That was all that relationship ( marriage ) had. No more.

Never sink your vessel, you will need it to sail off into the next relation SHIP.
Know what vessel your on and the course the captain or navigator is taking.
Don't hesitatate to make them walk the plank, with hands tied. Your sword in their back. Listen to the pleding and decide to push them off your ship into the shark infested waters or release them to be by your side as you continue searching unknown and charted waters together.

No one knew. Even when it goes bad there were good things throughout the relationship, build on those and move on. :car:

I understand what you are saying brother Monetary. However there is a remarkable difference between a woman who has been in several relationships, and a woman who has "been around the block". That term has a completely different connotation to it. It suggest a different pattern of behavior, hence the "bad reputation". I don't believe that a woman who has had several different relationships would have such a reputation.

And that's true. I try to do what the Rev. Jesse Jackson said..."...keep hope alive." :D

I am assuming that she has changed those ways which has earned her the "bad rep."

all my women got bad reputations....it ain't where you're from it's where you're at

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Your style of presenting your thoughts crack me the hell up sometimes. :D

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Your style of presenting your thoughts crack me the hell up sometimes. :D
she say it was hanging out with me that gave her the bad reputation in the first place.

be serious or get commited to a woman with a bad reputation? a woman who has been around the block in the past?

There's someone for everyone. You even see crackheads paired up. It depends on how much you take reputation as a standard bearer for your relationships