this is where i think this should be..since i am definitely thinking lots about it...always open to hear real critique...thanks

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so many colors
so many roots...connected to so many trunks
stretching deep, deep back
back
beyond before the middle passage
inside
some darkened hole
where GRACE
took over
and inner strength regenerated
then
out of the dark..
eyes blinded by
the blue skied light
and
into some hole
packed down ...
deep inthe dark again
touching other roots
feeling all the sap and juices
in that hole
where
fecal smells engulf the nose
permeates
til GRACE takes over
some inner strength regnerates
as they watch
those who missed grace
jump over/off or
just give up
back beyond and thru
middle passages
to this place where
30 pieces of silver -
Sold!
bought a father?
and once again..
some danken place
some whipping pole
some musty hole..
aah GRACEtook over
regenerating soul

this amazing grace made famous by some "master boatman?"
was OUR sweet song
OUR GRACE that saved our inner being ..
saved us thru the wretchedness
regenerating , rerooting..
where are you now?






this is the beginning of what i hope becomes a longer work...
i think the last 6 lines maybe the end of the final piece. but i am notsure.
this is only part l


(c)ncn/deepy-feb.2005
__________________

thank you for posting this over here deepy...ima read this tonite again and let it marinate for a second...i'll be back with my critique...

one love
khasm

thank you for posting this over here deepy...ima read this tonite again and let it marinate for a second...i'll be back with my critique...

one love
khasm

I have to agree with Khasm...I will do the same. This is one of those works
you have to ponder a little.

whas up deepy? sorry that i'm just now getting back to this piece...i have been overworked and under the weather....now, this is what i think

inside
some darkened hole
where GRACE
took over
and inner strength regenerated
then
out of the dark..
eyes blinded by
the blue skied light
and
into some hole
packed down ...
deep inthe dark again
touching other roots
feeling all the sap and juices
in that hole
where
fecal smells engulf the nose
permeates

this is good wording....but considering that the middle passage boats were to hold 400 people is some sections and actually had 600 to 700 afrikans stuff in there at one time...i believe this stanza should be a lil darker...more reflective of the living hell that our ancestors had to suffer through so that we may now live today...i know you can pull some more darkness into that piece...and by darkness i mean hurt, pain, physical confinment and loss of oneself...
have you started on the follow up piece yet?
holla back poet....
one love
khasm

thanks khasm for your words...what you have actually done is made me understand somethings are really not clear...in fact the darken hole i speak of is not on the boats..(the boats are fecal smells, sap and juices, touching and cramed) the darken hole is where they were held first and then they stepped out into the light and on to the boats. In Senegal you can see the holes which were also small where they first sat crowded...
so first i have to make this step clear...maybe i might have to go all the way back to the freedom and then the capture and then the holes and then the light and then the middle passage..
anyway you look at it i have to make somthings clearer for the larger community.
you have been helpful...and it is appreciated..
as for the 2nd part i have definitely started working on it...just been really busy and the spirit seems to need to rest before moving into this form of creative energy..

Deepy, I like the way you've handled your business.

you too lpoetsought...
you too....

le me say this was a deep poetic vision of the hell our people struggled
through i like the way you pose this poem from the pain of thy people
just at the start the double words can be singled to give it , it's full depth
this was awesome and heart felt thank u for the eye opener

this piece got me thinking hmmm mad scientist back at work.

glad it got you thinking godsoulja....now i need to know thinking bout what...i can always use a mad scientists brilliance ...i await...
or mad scientist getting ready to create his own? i still await..