could be killed its a old piece but i want to rewrite ...ideas???


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hold her naked body firmly in my hand…………
And I….close my eyes tightly…and ahhh..
Slowly bring her hole closer to my lips
…….and I …I and…and I …and I and I
Could be killed for what am thinking
Its beyond …….human experience
Could be killed for what am thinking
Drinking poison in my dreams
It seems that am moving past my past
Elementary school days past k to the 12th grade
Where every body knew that boogie down productions
Would always get paid
In full like Rakim
At least until black radio forgot him
The great rock bottom fell 12 levels below Sodom
Sold out
Now all the white national radio conglomerates
Got them
strung out
Like my old high school friend
Who uses to wear 3 different leather suits a day
And push the dime pieces in the jet black Benz
At least until he saw half his life end
Getting shot down on the roof of the projects
Now he just shoots up
on the roof of the projects

an yet even he has a longer life expectancy than me
Cause
I could be killed for what am thinking

I let her hole sit firmly on my tongue
And am just dieing for her to cum
I want her whole nine to just ejaculate straight thru my mind
I want her to cum so hard that she blows off my headpiece
So that I might finally have peace in my head, but
Instead I hear a million ancestors yell that
I have no right ta
Have no
Life
they tell me I am
Exzackly what comes after the ones that survived the middle passage
They tell me im directly descendent from the ones who thought it was
Punk shyit to
jump ship
The ones who mastered their masters
Those angels those gods that worked hellishly hard
From can’t see to can’t sea on the plantations
Slaving for the very same Satan that they created
They graphed their own masters

And every nite
Every nite a trillion bodies
Blacker than cooked soot on the bottom of a crack pipe
In a dark corner of the basement of a crack house
When the moon signals midnight
Sing to me

They sing that im the ungrateful realization of there dreams
They sing that im their social technologically spoil offspring
They sing since it took four hundred years of misery to bring me here
My suicide is not a acceptable offering

tHey sing I was
expressly put on this planet to speak dynamite to granite
That I was intended to spit tears into microphones
So that billions of disenfranchised black children might find their way back home
And I
Cry an I cry
Cause I
Im ashamed that
I could be killed for what im thinking
And I want her to cum so bad but I mange
I want her to
Cum
So bad but I mange
but I mange to pull the gun off of my tongue
turn my thoughts inadvisability in the direction
of black youth
and behold!!
Ejaculating out of my throat

Is the truth

Brother HookUp I thought this was a great poem about suicide. However, I Think it looses it's power as a written work. This poem seems like a performance poem, and I think it has entirely too much energy, power, and just too much class to be razed to a pile of words. Brother Hookup you got to give this one to us in Audio baby. It is too gravy too be in words.

Lovely Piece, I had to recite it in my mind as if you were performing just so I Could feel it, because in it's written form, it really looses it's sprit.

Manasia.

Don't kill it... HOOK it UP. Your desire to rewrite shows that your creative instincts are alive and well. Go with it, you've nothing to lose,your talent is unquestionable. Begin with the title; does it convey what it is you want to say in order to grab the reader at first glance? Does it represent entirely where THA HOOKUPMAN, is coming from? Do you want it as a performance piece, verse, or both? It's your baby... you have created it, and only you can raise it. I love your work and look forward to more from THA HOOKUPMAN. Peace.


:hammer:

dude...you ripped this spoken joint...the metaphors that you used with poetry being a gun was some nice ish bruh...i really don't wanna touch this joint, but since you asked...i will try to be helpful...

ok this line stuck me in the sense that i should be more dramatic since the statement from which it was derived is so profound and needed in today's society...

but I mange to pull the gun off of my tongue
turn my thoughts inadvisability in the direction
of black youth

i was thinking that inadvisability was not the best choice for this profound statement...our black youth need some serious help nowdays and your poetic gun can shoot some sense in their empty heads...so i think most would advise you to point click and shoot at da youngins...lol...maybe a word like promply or expertly would work better in this instance....

i hope i didn't get the meaning wrong when interpreting this piece...holla back at me...

one love
khasm

as you already know...I loved this piece when I first read it
because the metaphor was so unexpected and the ending
was so powerful, however...now that I read it again
I would make one suggestion, in the beginning stanza
right here:
Drinking poison in my dreams
It seems that am moving past my past
Elementary school days past k to the 12th grade

I would make "what" the poison is, more defined
Also, after the 12th grade line...it gave me the feeling of
"life passing before the persons eyes"..."the thoughts before death or suicide"

but then you jumped to

Where every body knew that boogie down productions
Would always get paid
In full like Rakim
At least until black radio forgot him
The great rock bottom fell 12 levels below Sodom
Sold out

and so on...

But...I would have pulled the reader in a little deeper to the
personal experience of the person.../ In essence extended
the "life passing before the eyes" / I think you could get
very vivid and have lots of imagery in this part...but other
than that...

I must say...this is a piece, that a reader so "Longs" to hear...
because it is so powerful...in originality, style and message
and the ending...OMG...it still gives me chills.

Love you,
Sage

that was one of the best poems i have read on here. how long have you been writing? ive been writing a short time, and i want to better my skills at it, but i am not sure how to do it... can you tell me what you did to help you get better when you were starting out?

to me this one is a spoken word flow
it hold much depth in it and written word
don't do it justice what i see is that you
may have express the (and i --i and )
a few times to many but over all it's
a awesome scribe but spoken word
will give it life .

could be killed its a old piece but i want to rewrite ...ideas???


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hold her naked body firmly in my hand…………
And I….close my eyes tightly…and ahhh..
Slowly bring her hole closer to my lips
…….and I …I and…and I …and I and I
Could be killed for what am thinking
Its beyond …….human experience
Could be killed for what am thinking
Drinking poison in my dreams
It seems that am moving past my past
Elementary school days past k to the 12th grade
Where every body knew that boogie down productions
Would always get paid
In full like Rakim
At least until black radio forgot him
The great rock bottom fell 12 levels below Sodom
Sold out
Now all the white national radio conglomerates
Got them
strung out
Like my old high school friend
Who uses to wear 3 different leather suits a day
And push the dime pieces in the jet black Benz
At least until he saw half his life end
Getting shot down on the roof of the projects
Now he just shoots up
on the roof of the projects

an yet even he has a longer life expectancy than me
Cause
I could be killed for what am thinking

I let her hole sit firmly on my tongue
And am just dieing for her to cum
I want her whole nine to just ejaculate straight thru my mind
I want her to cum so hard that she blows off my headpiece
So that I might finally have peace in my head, but
Instead I hear a million ancestors yell that
I have no right ta
Have no
Life
they tell me I am
Exzackly what comes after the ones that survived the middle passage
They tell me im directly descendent from the ones who thought it was
Punk shyit to
jump ship
The ones who mastered their masters
Those angels those gods that worked hellishly hard
From can’t see to can’t sea on the plantations
Slaving for the very same Satan that they created
They graphed their own masters

And every nite
Every nite a trillion bodies
Blacker than cooked soot on the bottom of a crack pipe
In a dark corner of the basement of a crack house
When the moon signals midnight
Sing to me

They sing that im the ungrateful realization of there dreams
They sing that im their social technologically spoil offspring
They sing since it took four hundred years of misery to bring me here
My suicide is not a acceptable offering

tHey sing I was
expressly put on this planet to speak dynamite to granite
That I was intended to spit tears into microphones
So that billions of disenfranchised black children might find their way back home
And I
Cry an I cry
Cause I
Im ashamed that
I could be killed for what im thinking
And I want her to cum so bad but I mange
I want her to
Cum
So bad but I mange
but I mange to pull the gun off of my tongue
turn my thoughts inadvisability in the direction
of black youth
and behold!!
Ejaculating out of my throat

Is the truth


This poem is almost verbatim a poem by Taalam Acey. Matter of fact its on one of his CD's. That's so weird! Or is it?

This poem is almost verbatim a poem by Taalam Acey. Matter of fact its on one of his CD's. That's so weird! Or is it?

Miannco Welcome to Destee

You are correct. Here is the site and sounds of this flow in mp3.

http://taalamacey.com/cd3.htm

THAHOOKUP.. unless you are Taalam Acey... you have rewritten anothers flow. :nono:

FAMILY / POET'S WE MAY HAVE A PROBLEM here........

Miannco welcome to destee.com we are happy to have you join us in this
community so welcome within the family .

We also thank you for sharing this infomation which we wasn't aware of .

brutha Hodee thank you for adding the link to such work and creation
in the future you can address any violations/ issues or concerns at
http://www.destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=7937

surely we will respond and or address them in a timely manner.

Brutha THAHOOKUPMAN can you please respond to this accusation
brought forth, is this your work or someone else added to the page ??
we kindly wish to clear this up and hear from you brutha .......

Thank you in advance
Forum Moderator
$$RICH$$

Taalam Acey is one my many stage names ....if u dont know me after all this time ...thats why i dont write here anymore ..where are the real poets .the site is sad ...tha hookupman ..aka.Taalam Acey

Taalam Acey is one my many stage names ....if u dont know me after all this time ...thats why i dont write here anymore ..where are the real poets .the site is sad ...tha hookupman ..aka.Taalam Acey

Brother THA HOOKUPMAN ... thanks for responding!

I (and obviously others) had no idea that you were "Taalam Acey" ... how were we suppose to know this? You never told me. And now you come back saying ugly things about us, because we are in essence looking out for (your) another poet's work?!

Most poets would appreciate this, yet you respond by disparaging us. Interesting.

I think the fact that other poets here, honor the work of others properly, is a testament to the integrity of this community. If you can't see that, or have chosen to not post here anymore ... that's fine. We wish you well.

I want to thank Miannco for joining us and sharing their concern, as well as encourage all others to do the same. Stealing Poetry (http://destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1345) is not allowed here, and if it appears that that is happening, we appreciate those who take the time to let us know.

Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee

I agree with Destee we had no way of knowing your stage name/s
but i fully understand because i've also written under a few names
that may come up some day that $$RICH$$ adding something that
belongs to another when it surely would be my own work from another name
i too have written under so thank you brutha for responding and clearing it up !

we just value the rights of others work and try hard to protect our poet's here
as well again thank you and this may be closed.

Hello Family,

I want to thank Brother HODEE for providing a link to Brother Taalam Acey's web site (http://taalamacey.com/enter_acey.htm). On it i found much information about this Brother, who has reached the heights and depths that most every poet hopes for. He is an encouragement, motivating all of us to continue striving for our heart's desire.

Below is a brief bio, which is also found on his web site (http://taalamacey.com/enter_acey.htm):


Essence Magazine selected Acey to feature at the 2001 and 2002 Essence Music Festivals in New Orleans. He has also lectured on performance poetry at the University of California at Berkeley. His first video, “When the Smoke Clearz” was shown in film festivals in Los Angeles, New York, Amsterdam, and Rotterdam and was one of only 22 films nominated for a 2002 Sundance Film Festival On-line Award. “Crack the CIA,” a film narrated by Acey, won the Audience Award at Sundance that year. His poetry has been featured in several publications including Essence Magazine.

Taalam was the 2000 and 2002 Grand Slam Champion of London's Paddington Int'l Poetry Festival and the 2002 Slam Champion of the Austin International Poetry Festival. He was also the 2000-2001 NJ Slam master and the Washington DC Black Words Grand Slam Champion. He's won multiple slams in both the Nuyorican and the Green Mill Café in Chicago (both considered to be the int'l Meccas of slam poetry). Acey was also a member of the 1999 New York City slam team representing the world famous Nuyorican Café. BBC Radio One-London featured Taalam in their documentary on slam poetry.

Bleeding edge spoken word has brought this Newark, NJ native everywhere from Los Angeles to Amsterdam. He has toured extensively throughout the continental United States, Canada, Germany, Holland and the U.K.

Prior to becoming a full time performance poet, he earned a BS in Accounting and an MBA in Finance. He was also a full time lecturer in senior level accounting at Rutgers University, and a principal partner in a small business consulting firm.

In addition to the above, i also found his email address.

After being introduced to his work, in the manner that we had (this thread), i felt an obligation to check a little further, to see if this was really who we had in our midst ... a great and accomplished poet ... not to suggest that we could not have this, but gosh ... it's the kind of thing we'd like to know! :)

So i wrote to Brother Taalam Acey, pointed him to this thread, and asked if he had in fact posted his work here.

The following is Brother Taalam Acey's response, which he gave me permission to share:


"I Could Be Killed (For What I'm Thinking)," is actually my poem. And honestly, I'm more flattered than anything. Not just because someone liked it enough to claim to have written it, but more so because of the kind words that the members of the group had for it. I truly wish that "Hookup" had done a better job of transcribing it. But then it was the mistakes that he made that garnered your criticisms, so that lets me know that many of us are on the same page. Thank you Destee for respecting our art form enough to bring this to my attention and thank you to everyone for the privilege of even being discussed here, vicariously or not.

Such a warm and generous Spirit! When there could have been anger, there was none, only appreciation! Wow.

Thank you Brother Taalam Acey, for obliging me, via these emails.

I'm sure i can speak for all of us, when i say, we wish you much continued success!

For those interested in supporting our Brother, purchasing his work, please click here (http://taalamacey.com/purchase.htm).

Brother THA HOOKUPMAN ... if you'd like to respond to this, you are welcome to do so.

Much Love and Peace Family.

:heart:

Destee

Thank you Destee because i too took a deeper look
to fine one and the same to not be as one ............

I truely wish brutha hookupman do respond to clear it up!

Great Artist.
I just bought myself Eyes Free.. to read.
and his two set CD. New Fan...

Destee please ask him to come read to us if
he has some free time in his schedule. Thanks Taalam Acey

Brother HODEE ... this is sooooo wonderful !!!! WOW !!!

You bought our Brother's book !!!!! I should not be surprised, that is the man you are !!!

We are so blessed to have you !!!!

I worried Brother Taalam so much, during the course of our emails, that i think i'll give him a break from me for a minute ... but i will certainly ask him Brother HODEE ... just wanna give him a breather first! :)

Love You !!!

:heart:

Destee