Khasm....QQn hmmm here ya go .. :)

My love advanced to new heights
Like the midnight star dancing
In waves…body Prancing in tune
Like a soft melody playing in the wind
Riding streamers of grace as we
……………Interlace in
Something special
If loving you is wrong
…………… I do not want to be right
Not this time as we take this road
The blind can lead the blind…and
Still see the sun…and feel the moon
The awakening of a love affair
Undeniable touches and being untouched
But yet touched under the river flow of love
The science of our destiny
The coming of anew
As we bond….
Baby, if loving you is wrong
I don’t want to be right
Not to night or any other night
Kiss my soul take my love
And moaning as we roam
…………This dream
Within the wind my soul cries of passion
……………… To release
My spirit sings the lullaby of us
Turning all my wrongs to rights
Reaching in the depths
………………Of my being
Caressing in the waves of a perfect waterfall
Perfection of stimulation with mental nurturing
Of a sensual conversation taking us to pleasure
Like a love that came from
A dream within
A fairytale’s
Lost story…..
Loving you for me is right

(c) 2005
New vision
chp 2

welcome to the deep waters side mba...where us poets will learn to hold our breath a bit longer ;)...thanks for droping one of your pieces over here...ok, let's go

firstly let me express to you how this poem made me feel after reading it. i took this poem as a heart opening up to a new love. not only is this love physical in nature, it is also mental and spiritual. the poem had nice images of the night and water...these two concepts are very sensual and help portray the feelings you manifest inside. envoleped in water is how everyone on this earth comes into creation and most of the actual conceptions of these creations happen at night...that was the best parts of this piece to me....now, some pointers on things that i would change in this piece...

If loving you is wrong
…………… I do not want to be right

this seems to be your central concept in this poem...later on you say..

Baby, if loving you is wrong
I don’t want to be right

i think that it would flow alot better if you kept these two statements the same...either use do not on both parts or don't on both parts.

this is a free verse piece...much like my own stuff, it does not have a select form...the pattern is crafted inside the poets head. for most of the poem you do not rhyme...and thas ok...all poems do not have to rhyme...it is not a requirement...in my eyes, the best poems that do not rhyme are highly descriptive pieces...maybe you can play a little more on the night and water theme you have going on. it might add a little more zest to this piece.

last thing...could you explain this line to me...i got a lil confused at the end.

Like a love that came from
A dream within
A fairytale’s
Lost story…..
Loving you for me is right

a fairytale's lost story?...you had me going until i read this...hit me back and let a brotha know what you meant by this...otherwise, thas all i got on this piece...your one of the better writters on the board so there wasn't really too much bad in my eyes with this piece...keep writting and let's get our growth on...

one love
khasm

Thank you for the warm welcome and taking the time out to read and

reply...got a sister blushing.....Happy you enjoyed and felt the vibe I was

trying to deliver. This was great wow. I am gonna look forward to posting

more you gave a great reply and besides your one of my favorite Poets on

the site so this was way kewl!!!! That you was my first got me feeling like a

virgin :lol: Ok here we go.....

You was reading my mind. I like the Baby, if loving you is wrong I

don’t want to be right I was not feeling do not part either

but as a habit I rarely change my first thoughts just build around them. I

agree on that part.


Like a love that came from A dream within A fairytale’s Lost story…..

Loving you for me is right

I will try to explain the best I can,most of the time if it fits my feeling or

mood at that time I twist and invent a meaning....to me the lines stands for

something that is not impossible to make like the molding of a fairytale is not

lost but perhaps a beginning of something. And that love finally feels right.


I hope you understand.....

:time: keep writing and get our growth on...

Thank you for your input
Peace
Angel

:climb:

To me, this peace was about expressing your love for your man...and how being in love made you feel. You described how it feels to be in love mentally, physically, and spiritually; and what you would do to keep it.

I really enjoyed this peace. :D

Thank you money I am happy you likes and yes it speaks of just that......Angel

This piece is all Heart and Soul, expressing love, and the excitement of being in love. It succeeds in doing just that. This extremely talented poetess also has charisma, and with time should master the discipline of structure. Her heart is certainly in the right place. ~ :luvv:

Thank you 1Poet happy you likes and thanks for the nice words they humble me....Angel

this poem stayed on point and was deeply felt
i love how u took it right into a heart and it was
well written sista ...no changes needed

This peace pulled me in, because I can relate. You have a way with words
there is beauty in poetry ma keep doing your thing