What is the age that a person should move out of their parents house? I know people that are 30 and live with their parents....men and women. When do you think it's time to cut the cord and venture out on your own? Why is it easier for women to live at home than it is for men? It seems like women can do it until they get good and ready, but men are basically forced to leave once they hit 20 or so....why is that? Is a woman less of a bum if she stays at home until her 30s? Why are there so many women that stay in their parent's house....and at the same time refuse to date a man without his own place? :garbage:

Hey Buthah,

That's a good question that at some point we all have to or had to deal with.

I don't think there is a one size fits all age that everybody has to go by or be labeled a bum. From my standpoint it depends on the mind set of the parents and the child and also on the financial situation. I have seen a woman live successfully with her parents until she got married in her thirties. This woman had a well paying job. But someone man or woman who is thirty something and lives with their parents and has never made half an effort to even try to find a job or rob a bank or anything to help out financially, unless their disability is covered by the ADA, that's a bum for sure.

I think it is easier for women probably because men want to and are expected to be the head of their homes. When you live with your parents they are the head so you've got a home with two or three heads. In spite of women's lib there is still an underlying idea that a woman who lives alone is just in a kind of purgatory until she gets married. Living with her parents provides her the protection and headship that she "needs."

I think that everyone should leave that house at some point in their 20s. There are time when people are going to college and still living with mom and dad, but then there are times when a person is working and can get a place of their own, but they don't want to shell out the cash in exchange for their independants. It's the same thing to me whether a man or woman does it. We all have the opportunity to make enough money to support ourselves. I know a couple of women that have the attitiude like "I'm not leaving until I get married". It's like they always want someone to handle the hard part of life. These are probably the same women that will be married and work, but still expect the man to pay all the bills. Then there are guys that have the attitude like "We'', I give my mom rent" instead of living. I think everyone should move out and live on their own or with a roommate...when the time comes when they can afford it. I would not have a relationship with a woman that doesn't even have experience paying her own bills. That's a red flag to me. I don't want to pick up where your father left of financially.

I think the ideal age for is a bout 23 years old. Anything after that...there better be a reason besides....."the economy is bad right now".

There is something to living on your own. In my family it was just expected that I would get an education and get out there. I mean, for my gigh school graduation present my parents bought me a set of luggage. You are right, a woman still living with her parents after thirty is probably (though not in all cases) daddy's little girl. Her idea of sharing might be like what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine.

men seem to have it much harder going out on his own to women , I took my first step out
when i was 18 and found it to be hard so i ran back home for shelter until i was 20 and ready
really ready to face the world head on i know so many bruthas who had to return home for
many different reasons .

A woman mind is more set and level to move forward , my sista left home at 20 too
but she never look back

I think when you venture out to college and learn to live without mom and dad
you are ready but 20 or 21 is a good age to leave the nest a lot of men who is
still home with parents are one who don't want to work and take on responsability
women can camp longer at home but basicly they do leave faster then men do
mostly by 24 or 25 she ready for a husband getting married
Many time when you see this because the man she dating be home too men linger
at home as long as they can i knew a guy who stayed at home until he was 35 but
always spend a night at his woman house off and on ....

Men have to make way be the head a provider once he leave the nest so many become
afraid of this task and shy away from it until they are forced but it's a challege for a man
heavy responsabilities they must face as a man , a woman face these same things but
it weights in on a man because he should be the provider , head of household....

My mom is from the old school of mother eagles. She makes the nest very uncomfortable to stay in after high school. "As long as you're in my house you gonna do what I say." During the summer btween high school and college I got thrown out of the house about five times. Today's mothers are from the new school. They want to be their child's friend so the nest stays as comfortable to the grown child as it was when they were little.

I don't know about a particular age to leave home. I had a plan when I graduated from high school, so I left home at 18. Everyone has their reasons for staying, but me personally, I couldn't imagine going back home to live with one of my parents. I've been on my own for too long now.

I left my parent's house in my mid-20s; however, with the cost of living today it is difficult to set an age limit for leaving home. I don't encourage anyone to leave home before they are financially ready, that is a recipe for disaster. It is necessary to finish college or trade school first, then to get a job which pays well enough to support one self. Where I live apartments range from $1000-4000 a month. If you factor in groceries, insurance (renters & car), car payments (or public transportation), utilities, entertainment, etc...obviously no 18 year old is going to be making this type of money unless they are doing something immoral or illegal! Another thing to consider is that most people don't really move out on there own, they move in with a roommate, sometimes several roommates. This is to absorb the cost of living alone, in otherwords if you need a roommate you are still not in a position to financially support yourself. The bottom line is that people should move out when they are financially able.

I had my first job at thirteen. Moved out when I was seventeen. Left the state I was born in at twenty four.

The strings should be cut a little everyday. Let them pick up after themselves. Teach them to wash dishes, wash clothes, and how to use a wash house. Take a few blankets and a load or two to the wash house, lie and say the blankets won't fit into your machine at home. Show them the inside of their facility. Teach them all how to cook, because you don't want them running home for your food. Create a bank account for hem now. Both of mine have accounts and I encourage them to save. I don't want them returning. I am on vacation. No one is home.

My mother said the best way is when they all move out, move to a adult only home complex.

She raised nine of us. We helped, buy the home we had, and we all worked and kept things running, so it wasn't on her to run behind a bunch of grown lazy adults.

" Why is it easier for women to live at home than it is for men? It seems like women can do it until they get good and ready, but men are basically forced to leave once they hit 20 or so....why is that? "

Girls get the extra time to stay at home, why be hard on such a sweet young lady.

I'm not going to rush my daughter out, but my son has to the age of eighteen to let me know his plans.

If he is doing well in college then I will grant him a few months of working after he graduates.

" Why are there so many women that stay in their parent's house....and at the same time refuse to date a man without his own place? "

Well taking her to a motel is not the fanciest plan. ( load a boom box, so you can play some Luther, in motel six ) ha.. ha.. ha..

Plus it shows you have your act together and can handle and provide for yourself and possibly another. Marriage is on her mind. It may not be forefront. But it's there. You are measured everytime.

Haven't you ever seen the tape? It's seven feet long, many don't measure up, so sooner or later she will settle for five feet four.

When they were both small I placed them at the threshold and pushed them out. Slammed the door and told them we were practicing for the day they turned eighteen.

I moved out at 19, but it was hard financially. I probably should have waited a few more years.

My kids will we welcome to live at home until they finish collage. I think a good age to move out on your own is 23-24. I don't want my kids thinking they can sponge off of me forever though.

I agree that people should move out when they can financially. The problem is there are a lot of people that can move out and don't because they don't want the responsibility of doing their own thing. There is a comfort to living under someone else's roof. You don't have to worry about paying bills and cleaning the whole house and maintaning the appearance of the place. There's so much that needs to be experienced before you can appreciate it. Paying your own bills, shopping for your own food, cleaning and decorating your own way. Doing all of this with your own money and hard work. That's the important part to me. That feeling of having your own. Some people don't want to experience that, and to me that's sad if you're not even trying to move in that direction. I know people that aren't even close to moving out and they are older than me. I know that there are reasons why SOME people have to stay a little longer and may have to move back for a couple of months, but a lot of it is just laziness. I think for the most part...men and women need to have their mind set on moving out at about 23 or 24 at the latest. At least try. Even with a roommate you still have to pay your own way and do you share of cleaning and bill paying. There is a sense of independance that goes along wth it. I've done both...lived on my own and lived with a roommate. Both build character and are nothing like living with your parents.

I had my first job at thirteen. Moved out when I was seventeen. Left the state I was born in at twenty four.

The strings should be cut a little everyday. Let them pick up after themselves. Teach them to wash dishes, wash clothes, and how to use a wash house. Take a few blankets and a load or two to the wash house, lie and say the blankets won't fit into your machine at home. Show them the inside of their facility. Teach them all how to cook, because you don't want them running home for your food. Create a bank account for hem now. Both of mine have accounts and I encourage them to save. I don't want them returning. I am on vacation. No one is home.

My mother said the best way is when they all move out, move to a adult only home complex.

She raised nine of us. We helped, buy the home we had, and we all worked and kept things running, so it wasn't on her to run behind a bunch of grown lazy adults.

" Why is it easier for women to live at home than it is for men? It seems like women can do it until they get good and ready, but men are basically forced to leave once they hit 20 or so....why is that? "

Girls get the extra time to stay at home, why be hard on such a sweet young lady.

I'm not going to rush my daughter out, but my son has to the age of eighteen to let me know his plans.

If he is doing well in college then I will grant him a few months of working after he graduates.

" Why are there so many women that stay in their parent's house....and at the same time refuse to date a man without his own place? "

Well taking her to a motel is not the fanciest plan. ( load a boom box, so you can play some Luther, in motel six ) ha.. ha.. ha..

Plus it shows you have your act together and can handle and provide for yourself and possibly another. Marriage is on her mind. It may not be forefront. But it's there. You are measured everytime.

Haven't you ever seen the tape? It's seven feet long, many don't measure up, so sooner or later she will settle for five feet four.

When they were both small I placed them at the threshold and pushed them out. Slammed the door and told them we were practicing for the day they turned eighteen.
Props to you and your mom, Hodee.

Parents have to introduce their kids to independence and make home a place thay don't want to be when they should be on their own. Too many parents wring their hands wondering when their thirty year old is going to decide to strike out on their own. That's a decision the parents should have made a long long time ago.

so what i see it's good to leave home after 20 but before 26
don't rush but be financially set to meet the world and the cost of living

so what i see it's good to leave home after 20 but before 26
don't rush but be financially set to meet the world and the cost of living
Right. And you don't just wake up one morning financially ready to move out (unless you play the lotto and get lucky). Hafta plan early.

Right. And you don't just wake up one morning financially ready to move out (unless you play the lotto and get lucky). Hafta plan early.

This is true! It also isn't the same leaving home 30 years ago as it is today. In today's time people normally don't make enough to support themselves until they are in their 20s (sometimes late 20s).

This is true! It also isn't the same leaving home 30 years ago as it is today. In today's time people normally don't make enough to support themselves until they are in their 20s (sometimes late 20s).
Really to have any kind of future they should be in their second year of college at twenty. But then there are a lot of companies that will pay for college if you show promise.

these are the reason i try to get my children set for life beyond home bound and plan
to move on and be set some what financially surely i'm not going to toss them out
before they really ready but i will uphold them to a major responsability

Kente


I left home when I was 19 and bounced around a bit...had to come back a few times, then leave again.


In this present time in America with the economy the way it is, it's hard to judge young people who for one reason or another must stay at home with their parent(s).

These times aren't like the 60's or 70's where you could run right out and get a job that will pay you enough to take care of yourself. It's hard to find a decent paying job out there now and plus many of our young people are mentally ill and can't properly take care of themselves.

Most young people who claim to be "out on thier own" are either shacking up with a lover or rooming with mates...they're not really on their own as far as independant living.

Its all about Location-location-location. As a native of NYC it is nuts out here, the projects bases your rent on salary-so if an eighteen year old that takes the Cable gig (that in 18 months will slash its entry level workforce by 80%) makes say 28K NYCHA will hit him for about $450 a month, add an 18yr olds lifestyle in NYC, dude will be back home a bout a year after getting laid off. Apartments-where EVERYTHING works in NYC-close to a grand and thats not in Manhattan thats Brooklyn-and no not the White parts or regentrified areas and of course its shoebox with brick wall view. On a postal carrier income you are NEVER moving anywhere-as single person in NYC but if you get married maybe. But my pops and men like him provided well (but my moms always had a job) and beyond with just that job-in NYC in 05 even after say five years of savings you are either still home-not home but in another hood or just a few blocks from one.

To move out and STAY out one has to PAY for and LEARN a new skill, State schools are about 3 grand per semester (thats 12k a year x 4 which is $36, 000) and not everyone is getting scholarships (acedemic or sports). So by the time a dude gets in his sopomore year he has friends (cable dude) driving cars, copping jewlery, clubbin and in some rare cases moving out or in NYC the parents skip out of the jex and leave the apt in their name and the kids pay rent. So in either case 18yr old with a job he'll lose in 18 months or College dude there has to be a trade off &-you 're not paying for school by giving up a couple of minor things. You may have to trade in the car-or eggatz!!noo-noo it cant be -be happe-ning....MOVE BACK HOME.

Like I did-I went to school didnt like the firts one transferred out lost a lot of credits had to PAY to take them over againg and proceed, as for thse tuition re imbursemnet gigs a lot of the jobs that will pay for your tuition are corporate businesses looking for businees majors-I am not a buisness major, two as a resident of NYC the real estate market is nuts you have to make at least $40,000 to be on your OWN (no roomie or GF or BF) and you are still renting. Back in the day rent I suppose took maybe 20-25% of your income now its up to 35 and 40% and all of this is different for men and women.

I know women who left got pregnant got on welfare-period theres' no independence in that, some dudes took that "Good Job" and learned everything stopped clubbing learnd that in NYC to a Car is pointless if you dont have an aparment NOT in the PJ's to do that means maybe you should go say a couple of years with out new Timbs (so all you native NYC women need to stop makeing new TImbs for men or 25 a pre requsite)

But on the flip side some ladies I know went to school (got out of HS and College in three years for each) while some Dudes just drifted at his job until he got laid off. And ladies might not want to admit it but the broke dude saving to move out WILL never get the date TILL he does so-its the way things are. But it doesnt matter them "factory jobs" are soooooo long ago-you have to have some sort of PC/MAC technological capability and to get it cost money-moving out will have to wait.

Most young cats move away from home only to shack up with a lover or stay with friends and share the bills like I did when I first moved out.

But this isn't true independance and leaves you no bragging rights.

My idea of living on your own is living on YOUR OWN without the aid of others.



*Why is it that half the sistaz I know have the same story of being on thier own since 15?

Well I wanna moveout. I'm 23 and have been home from college for almost a year (will be in June). I have some money saved up. Enough to cover two months rent and furniture. And I have been working FT since January. I guess I'm just apprehensive about falling on my face. I don't want to be caught without any money. And with the cost of apts. in DC/MD I will have no choice but to spend a little over half of my total monthly pay.

I'm 23, but I'm still at home. I'm in school. Help my mom out with kids,cooking their dinner,with their homework..keep the house clean,because my dad passed 4 years ago. Do I want to be here? the simple answer is NO...I have epilepsy..so no driving for me..and I'm always sick as a dog..plus i've had a couple of fruitless interviews. I have wanted to move alongggggggggggg time ago.
SMH...thats all :)

Well I wanna moveout. I'm 23 and have been home from college for almost a year (will be in June). I have some money saved up. Enough to cover two months rent and furniture. And I have been working FT since January. I guess I'm just apprehensive about falling on my face. I don't want to be caught without any money. And with the cost of apts. in DC/MD I will have no choice but to spend a little over half of my total monthly pay.

It is recommended that one spends no more than 15% of their monthly salary on rent. If you are spending over half of your pay on rent, you can't afford to move out. If you have a good relationship with your folks, I would still home for a little while longer.

It is recommended that one spends no more than 15% of their monthly salary on rent. If you are spending over half of your pay on rent, you can't afford to move out.


Man, there is no way that can apply to Los Angeles. The average cost of a 1 bdrm apartment is about $850. That's not anything special either. Those are basic apartments, some with no dish washer. Most people don't make much money out here. The cost of living is so high, if everyone went by that rule, we'd all be at home. Not that it's a bad rule, because I also try to spend as little as possible for monthly bills, but I think it mostly depends on where you live and what the pay is like. People in L.A. are underpaid, overworked and cost of living is sky high. I have a cousin who is working a second job along with his wife because they just bought a house. Safe to say, I need to move, because I'm not willing to work night and day just to have a house.

Man, there is no way that can apply to Los Angeles. The average cost of a 1 bdrm apartment is about $850. That's not anything special either. Those are basic apartments, some with no dish washer. Most people don't make much money out here. The cost of living is so high, if everyone went by that rule, we'd all be at home. Not that it's a bad rule, because I also try to spend as little as possible for monthly bills, but I think it mostly depends on where you live and what the pay is like. People in L.A. are underpaid, overworked and cost of living is sky high. I have a cousin who is working a second job along with his wife because they just bought a house. Safe to say, I need to move, because I'm not willing to work night and day just to have a house.


NY is expensive too, my sister was in brooklyn...850 for a studio apartment and it had roaches. SMH..now she shoulda stayed home, she ended up moving back to Michigan..she has a one bedroom her rent is 435 a month...

NY is expensive too, my sister was in brooklyn...850 for a studio apartment and it had roaches. SMH..now she shoulda stayed home, she ended up moving back to Michigan..she has a one bedroom her rent is 435 a month...

Yeah, I heard about NY. My sister moved to Tennessee to do ministry work and she got an apartment with a friend for $400. A 2 bdrm apartment. I'm like man, we're getting screwed out here. It sucks because if there's jobs and things to do, people want to overcharge you, but if there's nothing, they'll make it affordable for people to move there and help populate the area. I think it is hard for people to move out, but a lot of time people don't want to move out. Even though it's expensivee sometimes on your own, I think it's important for people to gain that experience. Even when you have a roommate, you are relying on yourself for your half of everything (rent, gas, electricity, water etc.), instead of relying on mon and dad for 80-100% of everything. It's a big difference, and I think that when people get a certain age, they should at least think about it and make an attempt to do things on their own.

Man, there is no way that can apply to Los Angeles. The average cost of a 1 bdrm apartment is about $850. That's not anything special either. Those are basic apartments, some with no dish washer. Most people don't make much money out here. The cost of living is so high, if everyone went by that rule, we'd all be at home. Not that it's a bad rule, because I also try to spend as little as possible for monthly bills, but I think it mostly depends on where you live and what the pay is like. People in L.A. are underpaid, overworked and cost of living is sky high. I have a cousin who is working a second job along with his wife because they just bought a house. Safe to say, I need to move, because I'm not willing to work night and day just to have a house.

I realize that 15% of your income for rent is not realistic for everyone; however, I still think that over 50% is too much. Just to add to what Nisa said, $850 for a 1 bedroom is cheap. I lived in NYC for two years and was paying $1800 for a 1 bedroom!

Man, there is no way that can apply to Los Angeles. The average cost of a 1 bdrm apartment is about $850. That's not anything special either. Those are basic apartments, some with no dish washer. Most people don't make much money out here. The cost of living is so high, if everyone went by that rule, we'd all be at home. Not that it's a bad rule, because I also try to spend as little as possible for monthly bills, but I think it mostly depends on where you live and what the pay is like. People in L.A. are underpaid, overworked and cost of living is sky high. I have a cousin who is working a second job along with his wife because they just bought a house. Safe to say, I need to move, because I'm not willing to work night and day just to have a house.

I have to agree with you Kente. My step sister is 23, single and pays $1050. a month in rent for a 1 bedroom apartment. She probably could find a cheaper apartment if she wants to commute for two hours a day...but the savings of approx $150 a month in rent she would use up in gas and parking. She only makes about $35,000...and claims she is always broke.

It's just not that cheap to live out here anymore. I know a lot of folks who rent out rooms in their houses (like my father does) and they charge a minimum of $400.

I lived in NYC for two years and was paying $1800 for a 1 bedroom!

Man, that's robbery. I heard the rent and cost of living is more in NY, but I heard the pay is higher too. I don't know if that's true, and even if it is, it can't be to the point where $1800 for a one bedroom is affordable. Hey, at least a lot of NY'ers don't have to worry about cars..right? Out in California, you have to have a car because public transportation is a joke. So, on top of rent, we're spending a lot on gas too. My cousin commutes and he spends $400 a month on gas, on top of his other bills from mortgage, utilities etc. There's no way to save money living in California man.

Carrie, yeah, $850 is starting for one bedrooms. Most of them are more than that. I think average is about what you step sister is paying. It's sad because most people don't even make $35,000 a year. That's why so many people have to shack up or get a roommate. Like you said, even some people that have houses, rent out their rooms because it's just too expensive and they could use the extra money.

I have to agree with you Kente. My step sister is 23, single and pays $1050. a month in rent for a 1 bedroom apartment. She probably could find a cheaper apartment if she wants to commute for two hours a day...but the savings of approx $150 a month in rent she would use up in gas and parking. She only makes about $35,000...and claims she is always broke.

It's just not that cheap to live out here anymore. I know a lot of folks who rent out rooms in their houses (like my father does) and they charge a minimum of $400.


1,050..thats a house note payment here in michigan

Well I wanna moveout. I'm 23 and have been home from college for almost a year (will be in June). I have some money saved up. Enough to cover two months rent and furniture. And I have been working FT since January. I guess I'm just apprehensive about falling on my face. I don't want to be caught without any money. And with the cost of apts. in DC/MD I will have no choice but to spend a little over half of my total monthly pay.

It is really hard out here. Plus, I live out in the DC/MD area so I know what you're talking about, though it's not as bad as other areas.

Anyway, what you are going through is typical of being young adult... it's something that most non-rich people have to go through before becoming more established economically. And your situation sounds better than most, especially if you haven't racked up a whole bunch of credit card debt.

But don't worry about it.... you'll do fine.

1,050..thats a house note payment here in michigan

That's a house payment in most areas!

At 18 years old I was out of my parents house and into Uncle Sam's Army. At 19 years old I was in Korea, at 20 I married and a homeowner. At 23 I got diverced and lost my home. At 24 I brought my parent to me for a new start not the other way around. At 25 I became a father. Life on fast forward. To each his own. In my opinion males should leave sooner than females and as long as the person is in school continuously until graduation they should stay at home. One thing I do is know these situations work themselves. Grown people don't take care of grown people unless they're sick or handicapped.


Peace....

That's a house payment in most areas!


Think I will stay where I'm at, at lots cheaper here, about 700 mo for the house and land. Whew.

Think I will stay where I'm at, at lots cheaper here, about 700 mo for the house and land. Whew.

$700 for house and land? Wow, I'd stay there too!

1,050..thats a house note payment here in michigan


She'd be able to get a house if she had some established credit, it's a double edged sword.

She'd be able to get a house if she had some established credit, it's a double edged sword.

In addition to that, you also have to have the down payment.