I had a small get together with some friends this weekend and I brought my 8-year old little sister, from Big Brothers/Big Sisters, and her twin to the dinner. It was 4 adult females, myself included, my lil sis and her twin, and my friend's daughter. After we ate, we put on some music to have a dance contest, adults against the kids. The kids danced first and to my surprise, these little girls were dropping it like it's hot, getting low, shakin' it fast, and jiggling better than these girls on videos. Mind you, the twins are only 8 and the other girl was 6. All of the adults were so shocked and embarrassed that we immediately turned off the music, got their coats, and took them home. I want their mother to talk to them, but I don't even know how to approach the subject with her. The influence could be from home, school, television, etc. After seeing them dance, I immediately thought, what if some little boys or adult men were there and they started dancing like that? I'm not their mother but I felt like snatching them up. I don't have any children of my own so this is completely foreign to me. Can someone give me some advice on how to approach the twins' mother on this? Plus, I'd like to start a discussion on this subject. If you were in the same situation, what would you have done?

This is exactly why children need to be monitored and limited in the images they are exposed to! Dancing is natural! From the time children learn how to walk, they want to dance (and some even before that). Dancing can often be an expression of joy. Sexually seductive dancing is another matter, this is usually a learned behavior. One these children either learned from their mothers, sisters, or BET/MTV. It is good that the parents showed embarrassment over what happened (many I know would have thought that was cute), that shows they felt it was inappropriate behavior at that age. Since the women left immediately, I don't think there was much you could have done Islander. However I think the direct approached (tactfully said) would have worked fine.

This is exactly why children need to be monitored and limited in the images they are exposed to! Dancing is natural! From the time children learn how to walk, they want to dance (and some even before that). Dancing can often be an expression of joy. Sexually seductive dancing is another matter, this is usually a learned behavior. One these children either learned from their mothers, sisters, or BET/MTV. It is good that the parents showed embarrassment over what happened (many I know would have thought that was cute), that shows they felt it was inappropriate behavior at that age. Since the women left immediately, I don't think there was much you could have done Islander. However I think the direct approached (tactfully said) would have worked fine.

I haven't talked to the twins' mother yet, sorry for the miscommunication. When I took them home, I wanted to say something then, but it was late and I told her I'd give her a call because I needed to talk to her. She still doesn't know what it's about. I've just never been in a position where I've had to talk to a child's parents about something like this.

Just tell her your concern Islander, that her daughters were dancing in a way that you didn't feel was appropriate for their age. Many times children behaving in sexually advanced ways is a sign of abuse (although not always), so this is a reason for concern. It is definately a sign that the girls are being exposed to more than they should. Be aware though that no matter what you say, the girl's mother may not appreciate the message. Caution should always be practiced when speaking with someone else about their kids. I talk to parents about their kids on a weekly basis. Many things that alarm one person is no big deal to someone else.

Just tell her your concern Islander, that her daughters were dancing in a way that you didn't feel was appropriate for their age. Many times children behaving in sexually advanced ways is a sign of abuse (although not always), so this is a reason for concern. It is definately a sign that the girls are being exposed to more than they should. Be aware though that no matter what you say, the girl's mother may not appreciate the message. Caution should always be practiced when speaking with someone else about their kids. I talk to parents about their kids on a weekly basis. Many things that alarm one person is no big deal to someone else.


Thank you Brother Panafrica. Hopefully, their mother listens and is willing to hear what I have to say.

Good Luck for both you and the girls!

I'm not sure how I would approach the mother if I was in your place Sister Islander, but I would broach the subject with a question as to whether they have seen their daughters dance recently and does it meet with her approval. If it's okay with her, then case closed. Don't assume that just because she's their mother that she will necessarily feel the same way you do about the way they dance. And also, let's keep in mind that these children may not be learning how to dance this way only from watching music videos and friends. Without knowing any of the specifics about the people involved, bear in mind that children very often pick up a lot of information right in the home and directly from the parents and adult friends of their parents.

Just some friendly advice....
Queenie :spinstar:

This is an interesting, but important subject. Sexuality in dance here and in Africa has always been present from slow to fast dancing. As sex is becoming more and more debased and distorted, that which would have been natural and controlled in certain social environments or tribal communities is now, breeding a profane consciousness in our youth.

It is easy to say that there is some sort of indecent, deviant or abusive behavior going on in these girls life (like at home), but this culture (western culture) is pervasive with unbalanced and unchecked sexuality. Almost every movie has a, more than, erotic love scene, every rap video has overt sexual acts and themes, many rap lyrics deal with diverse and graphic sexual acts that are directly related to money, success, gratification and pleasure. This type of imagery is being impregnated in the minds of our youth as the tentacles of happiness and a good life. The lusting for materialism and quick gratification is also in advertisement and all types of media.

Man, I’ve seen these young sisters on the street when the music is turned-up by a passing car… it is mind-boggling. These young Black children are looking in the eyes of adults and they are seeing what motivates and excites their mothers and fathers in this modern culture. Remember, most of the rappers they admire are adults to them.

I’m not trying to get too deep with this, but I just commented on Halle Berry role in the movie “Monster’s Ball” in another post. I thought the sex scene with Billie Bob Thornton was the most graphic and pornographic sex scene I have ever seen in a main stream movie...It blew me away (I viewed the DVD version) and remember she historically won an Oscar, as a Black leading actress, for that garbage! Look at the green light we have given, R. Kelly (unchecked sexuality again).

Islander, you may be able to calm this situation with some “respectful dialogue” with these children’s mother, but the overt sexual culture that we all are dwelling in, will always be present and around the corner, be it at school, television or on the playground.

Peace

Brother Sun Ship

I'm not sure how I would approach the mother if I was in your place Sister Islander, but I would broach the subject with a question as to whether they have seen their daughters dance recently and does it meet with her approval. If it's okay with her, then case closed. Don't assume that just because she's their mother that she will necessarily feel the same way you do about the way they dance. And also, let's keep in mind that these children may not be learning how to dance this way only from watching music videos and friends. Without knowing any of the specifics about the people involved, bear in mind that children very often pick up a lot of information right in the home and directly from the parents and adult friends of their parents.

Just some friendly advice....
Queenie :spinstar:

I spoke with their mother on Sunday afternoon and I actually approached it with the same question in mind. i asked her if she'd seen them dance recently and basically relayed what I saw and what I felt when I saw them. She saw things the same way I did and thanked me for looking out for the best interests of her children. She also gave me permission to put them in their place if the need arises. We ended up having a pretty decent conversation about things and I truly understood what type of a mother she is. There are a lot of older children in the home, mainly nieces and femaile cousins, who they have most likely learned these behaviors from. Their mother doesn't allow them to watch music videos or certain types of movies, although she does acknowledge that they may sneak around and do it. Based on our conversation, she is definitely going to talk to them and monitor their behavior more closely. Of course, this conversation has to be had with her nieces as well because they are in their teens and are directly influencing the behavior of her daughters. The problem may not be solved but at least it will be addressed.

This is an interesting, but important subject. Sexuality in dance here and in Africa has always been present from slow to fast dancing. As sex is becoming more and more debased and distorted, that which would have been natural and controlled in certain social environments or tribal communities is now, breeding a profane consciousness in our youth.

It is easy to say that there is some sort of indecent, deviant or abusive behavior going on in these girls life (like at home), but this culture (western culture) is pervasive with unbalanced and unchecked sexuality. Almost every movie has a, more than, erotic love scene, every rap video has overt sexual acts and themes, many rap lyrics deal with diverse and graphic sexual acts that are directly related to money, success, gratification and pleasure. This type of imagery is being impregnated in the minds of our youth as the tentacles of happiness and a good life. The lusting for materialism and quick gratification is also in advertisement and all types of media.

Man, I’ve seen these young sisters on the street when the music is turned-up by a passing car… it is mind-boggling. These young Black children are looking in the eyes of adults and they are seeing what motivates and excites their mothers and fathers in this modern culture. Remember, most of the rappers they admire are adults to them.

I’m not trying to get too deep with this, but I just commented on Halle Berry role in the movie “Monster’s Ball” in another post. I thought the sex scene with Billie Bob Thornton was the most graphic and pornographic sex scene I have ever seen in a main stream movie...It blew me away (I viewed the DVD version) and remember she historically won an Oscar, as a Black leading actress, for that garbage! Look at the green light we have given, R. Kelly (unchecked sexuality again).

Islander, you may be able to calm this situation with some “respectful dialogue” with these children’s mother, but the overt sexual culture that we all are dwelling in, will always be present and around the corner, be it at school, television or on the playground.

Peace

Brother Sun Ship

I fully agree with you Brother Sun Ship. It's hard to keep children away from the influences of pop culture without completely cutting them off from the rest of the world. Whenever I take my lil sis out, we usually do something that will help to cultivate her mind in some way or advance her knowledge about our culture. I like to open up her mind to different things that I know she may not see, hear or experience at home. When I pick her up, there is no rap music allowed in the car. We only listen to jazz or classical. At first she complained, but after a while she started liking it. I take her to art shows and museums, libraries, parks, for play and to learn more about our natural resources, etc. She also gets a new book every time we go out. I may not be with her all of the time, but I want her to be able to open up her mind to new things whether we're out together or whether she's at home with her family. I guarantee that now we'll be having a lot of conversations about respecting herself, her body, and carrying herself well.

The Halle Berry thing was a complete embarrassment. When I went to see the movie and that sex scene came up, I was actually embarrassed as if it were me up on the screen and all of my friends and family were in the audience. I couldn't believe that she agreed to that garbage and then got rewarded for perpetuating the white man's fantasy.

I'm glad their mother was so understanding of this situation and didn't take it as a personal attack on her merits as a parent. Hopefully something great comes out of it.

The Halle Berry thing was a complete embarrassment. When I went to see the movie and that sex scene came up, I was actually embarrassed as if it were me up on the screen and all of my friends and family were in the audience. I couldn't believe that she agreed to that garbage and then got rewarded for perpetuating the white man's fantasy.


Yes it was, and that is the only way a black woman is going to win an Oscar. Denzel's role in Training Day was perpetuating the white man's fantasy (or expectation) as well!

Yes it was, and that is the only way a black woman is going to win an Oscar. Denzel's role in Training Day was perpetuating the white man's fantasy (or expectation) as well!

So true. After Malcolm X and The Hurricane, he gets an oscar for being a thug? The white man rewards conformity, not individuality.

I spoke with their mother on Sunday afternoon and I actually approached it with the same question in mind. i asked her if she'd seen them dance recently and basically relayed what I saw and what I felt when I saw them. She saw things the same way I did and thanked me for looking out for the best interests of her children. She also gave me permission to put them in their place if the need arises. We ended up having a pretty decent conversation about things and I truly understood what type of a mother she is. There are a lot of older children in the home, mainly nieces and femaile cousins, who they have most likely learned these behaviors from. Their mother doesn't allow them to watch music videos or certain types of movies, although she does acknowledge that they may sneak around and do it. Based on our conversation, she is definitely going to talk to them and monitor their behavior more closely. Of course, this conversation has to be had with her nieces as well because they are in their teens and are directly influencing the behavior of her daughters. The problem may not be solved but at least it will be addressed.



I tip My Hat To You as I feel that you handled the situation very well. You seem like a very involved Big Sister- that is also very commendable. Those Twins and their Mother should be very honored to have a decent Woman like you in their Lives and I am almost certain that when your Lil' Sis gets to be of age, she will look back on the time that she spent with you and smile, knowing that you shared a whole new world with her, and made her aware of her culture and other endless possibilities.

Islander is a sister!

So true. After Malcolm X and The Hurricane, he gets an oscar for being a thug? The white man rewards conformity, not individuality.

He deserved the Oscar for his performance in John Q!

Islander is a sister!



OH MY- I made a Mistake!!!! Sorry Sis' Islander!!!!!! I didn't know, honestly. For some reason, I thouht that you were a Man.....You know, there should be a little symbol for males or Females to let us know who's Who...



But still, the compliments are the same Sis'- you handled it very Well!. And they are Very Fortunate!.

kids today learn to dance fast at an early age and from watching folks at home
drop it hot and nassy they pick it up ! twisting there butt and going low only will
meet my belt if my daughter did it that's for sure but first i have to root out where
she got this type of dancing from and have a talk with them ......many parents are
aware of such and teach such like it's cute until they go and do it in the street ....

I would just ask gentle in a questional way about how they dance and where they learn
it from this will answer your question fast and you will be able to see the mother's
expression that say i dis approve or it has my stamp of approval

I tip My Hat To You as I feel that you handled the situation very well. You seem like a very involved Big Sister- that is also very commendable. Those Twins and their Mother should be very honored to have a decent Woman like you in their Lives and I am almost certain that when your Lil' Sis gets to be of age, she will look back on the time that she spent with you and smile, knowing that you shared a whole new world with her, and made her aware of her culture and other endless possibilities.

AWWWWWW!!!! Thank you!!! That was so sweet. I only hope that what I try to teach her she remembers and appreciates.

kids today learn to dance fast at an early age and from watching folks at home
drop it hot and nassy they pick it up ! twisting there butt and going low only will
meet my belt if my daughter did it that's for sure

LOL!! That was my reaction!! I treat them like my own children whenever they're with me. So I sure was ready to break out a switch!!

Sister Islander, kudos to you sister for handling this in a productive way. We certainly need more people like you in our midst before we lose our children to a society that is determined to reward the BS and not the good that we do as a people.

Without question the movie and music industry are perpetuating some dysfunctional myths about Black people in general. But Black people who work in these industries have choices just like everyone else. Unfortunately, the smell of dollar bills has a stronger attraction than one's own integrity for many people. What Halle did was not what Angela Bassett was willing to do when she was first offered the role in "Monter's Ball." What was the whole purpose of the movie, "Training Day"? I mean, would we have missed anything significant if that movie had never been made?

Our children are EX-POSED to things early that are harmful to their minds, bodies and spirits. So much information is going into their young minds and far less productive behavior is a result. We all know that dancing like some of us do these days often leads to more. Once a child has had a sexual experience, then what?

If responsible adults want children's behavior to be more productive then we have to spend more time massaging their minds and exposing them to things other than what they see on tv, in the theatres, what they hear in some of today's music. We need to de-mystify popular notions about ho's, recreational sex, thug-life, alcohol, and use of other "party" drugs. We need to get the guns and drugs out of our homes and communities. Too many disputes today are settled with violence that leaves people dead and not just with black eyes or a split lip and crushed ego. Lock certain cable channels if you have to have cable. Take a day off work sometimes to make unannounced visits to our children's schools to check on them. Listen to our children more carefully when they talk or sing along with music. Watch their behavior for signs that parental intervention is necessary. Talk to our children more in ways that let them know we care but we also mean what we say. When talking doesn't seem to be working, well, I believe in physical discipline works just as well if not better to get the message across. I think it's okay to let some of our children think that we're a little bit krazee because then they may not try some of the things we encourage them not to do that are harmful to them. :nono:

Okay, I've written enough and probably strayed from the topic... so I'll step down off my soapbox and end here... :lol:

Queenie :)

Without question the movie and music industry are perpetuating some dysfunctional myths about Black people in general. But Black people who work in these industries have choices just like everyone else. Unfortunately, the smell of dollar bills has a stronger attraction than one's own integrity for many people. What Halle did was not what Angela Bassett was willing to do when she was first offered the role in "Monter's Ball." What was the whole purpose of the movie, "Training Day"? I mean, would we have missed anything significant if that movie had never been made?

This is an example of the mental state of today's African American community, we lack the social responsibility of the generation that led the Civil Rights Movement. It is the primary reason our people have advanced so little since the early 1970s. Between 1964 & 1974 the majority of African Americans stopped caring about "we" and only focused on "me"!

Though I agree with the thoughts of brother panafrica, I believe this is not just the difference between the hip-hop generation and the civil rights generation; for every generation of Black people have had to live through horrible imagery and stereotyping. The response was sometimes strong and sometimes weak or silent. This is about American morality and our participation in it.

It sometimes seem as if every movie that I have seen has had a lurid sex scene or sexual reference in it. I like to make it clear that I feel adults have the right to view any type of cinema they choose and sexuality in movies is not something necessarily evil. I personally enjoyed the movie Kama Sutra. But Halle Berry’s hardcore sex scene was unprecedented, for especially an actress of her stature and recognition, (regardless if they were white or black) and had nothing…I mean entirely nothing to with the movie. Also, I didn’t see Oscar-winning acting on her part. I’m sorry, I just don’t see her as a dynamic actress, as compared to other Black (or white) actresses.

Sex scenes in movies, no matter how lurid and sensual, should be a valid part of the story, otherwise the movie should be rated-XXX….and hey, I’m fine with that.

It is obvious that it was the "long-awaited year of the Negro" and how we are to be viewed through the eyes of Hollywood. Remember, that has always been Hollywood’s business…the business of creating images…so we shouldn’t be amazed or surprised.


Peace,

Brother Sun

This is an example of the mental state of today's African American community, we lack the social responsibility of the generation that led the Civil Rights Movement. It is the primary reason our people have advanced so little since the early 1970s. Between 1964 & 1974 the majority of African Americans stopped caring about "we" and only focused on "me"!


No doubt!

Sometime I get the feelilng that this very same majority will ever make the crucial "adjustments" to make the desired change(s) for the check and balance of YT.

I'm of the strong overstanding that a minute critical mass will suffice to overthrow the enemy. How? by Khepera(transformation) the willingness and awareness, to use the tactics that hidden from us that were use by our ancestors in years gone by.

However, what is the end result of this endeavor. is it to gain land for the sake of freedom as we know it? If this were the sole objective of the enemy then would he be so concerned with the human "Genome" project? Is the new form of exploration in the genetic blue/blackprint?

I believe that without a comprehensive overstanding of all the various degrees of obsticles in front of us, how can we develop the neccessary tactics if we can not overstand what exactly is being used against us

This is an interesting, but important subject. Sexuality in dance here and in Africa has always been present from slow to fast dancing. As sex is becoming more and more debased and distorted, that which would have been natural and controlled in certain social environments or tribal communities is now, breeding a profane consciousness in our youth.

It is easy to say that there is some sort of indecent, deviant or abusive behavior going on in these girls life (like at home), but this culture (western culture) is pervasive with unbalanced and unchecked sexuality. Almost every movie has a, more than, erotic love scene, every rap video has overt sexual acts and themes, many rap lyrics deal with diverse and graphic sexual acts that are directly related to money, success, gratification and pleasure. This type of imagery is being impregnated in the minds of our youth as the tentacles of happiness and a good life. The lusting for materialism and quick gratification is also in advertisement and all types of media.

Man, I’ve seen these young sisters on the street when the music is turned-up by a passing car… it is mind-boggling. These young Black children are looking in the eyes of adults and they are seeing what motivates and excites their mothers and fathers in this modern culture. Remember, most of the rappers they admire are adults to them.

I’m not trying to get too deep with this, but I just commented on Halle Berry role in the movie “Monster’s Ball” in another post. I thought the sex scene with Billie Bob Thornton was the most graphic and pornographic sex scene I have ever seen in a main stream movie...It blew me away (I viewed the DVD version) and remember she historically won an Oscar, as a Black leading actress, for that garbage! Look at the green light we have given, R. Kelly (unchecked sexuality again).

Islander, you may be able to calm this situation with some “respectful dialogue” with these children’s mother, but the overt sexual culture that we all are dwelling in, will always be present and around the corner, be it at school, television or on the playground.

Peace

Brother Sun Ship


Amen Brother Sun Ship. AAAAAMMMMMEEEEENNNNN!!!!

I have read your threads on this subject and one thing baffles me. In all your threads you never mentioned a father for the twins. Is there a father in the house with the mother? If not is he actively involved in the upbringing of his children?


Peace

Radical Faith

I have read your threads on this subject and one thing baffles me. In all your threads you never mentioned a father for the twins. Is there a father in the house with the mother? If not is he actively involved in the upbringing of his children?


Peace

Radical Faith

Their father is not living in the house with them. They visit him every other weekend so he is involved to some degree.

Their father is not living in the house with them. They visit him every other weekend so he is involved to some degree.


Not taking anything away from your sister but with a man in the house a lot of foolishness stops. I was not a part of my sons life for a while, then I became a weekend dad as well. As my son got older I witness him slowly fall by the side of the road. Not taking anything away from his mother but her lifestyle did not allow the dedication required for the upbringing of my son. After years of sacrifice and schedule changes and arguements I gained custody of my son. Looking at my situation I realized the importance of a man's presences in the family was very significant. It doesn't matter if the children are sons or daughters a weekend dad just doesn't cut it. If I didn't get my son from his mother I would have settled with her marrying a man just so my son can be raised around a man but she remained single. Just something to think about it


Peace

Radical Faith

WE REALLY HAVE TO WATCH OUR KIDS. ESPECIALLY GIRLS TO ME. THEY SAY THAT IT STARTS AT HOME YES IT DOES . BUT WE ALSO HAVE FOLK OUT THERE THAT DO NOT CARE WHAT THEY DO IN FRONT OF KIDS. IT IS NOT ALWAYS GOTTEN FROM HOPE . OUR YOUNG FOLK ARE OUT THERE TODAY SEEING SOME OF EVERYTHING AND IT IS A SHAME. MUCH PRAYER IS NEEDED.

OUR YOUNG ACTING THE WAY THAT THEY DO IN PUBLIC. WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK?

WE REALLY HAVE TO WATCH OUR KIDS. ESPECIALLY GIRLS TO ME. THEY SAY THAT IT STARTS AT HOME YES IT DOES . BUT WE ALSO HAVE FOLK OUT THERE THAT DO NOT CARE WHAT THEY DO IN FRONT OF KIDS. IT IS NOT ALWAYS GOTTEN FROM HOPE . OUR YOUNG FOLK ARE OUT THERE TODAY SEEING SOME OF EVERYTHING AND IT IS A SHAME. MUCH PRAYER IS NEEDED.

Much prayer and even more guidance...I agree! Welcome to Destee.com Yogirl101!