I have been surfing through this site & it appears that the people here are
really enlightened. I have a serious concern that has been tearing at me
for a long time now. I live in an isolated area right now and I don't have access to a lot of enlightened people so I hope someone can help. I am married to a Muslim man who enjoys viewing pornography online. He believes that this action is not wrong. I think viewing pornography is adultery. I feel like this situation is breaking up my marriage. Any views on this will be helpful. I am ashamed to speak with the imams or ministers about this problem. I don't want my husband to be mad at me.
:( :(

:wave: :wave: :wave:

Welcome ~ Welcome ~ Welcome

Hello Janiah,

Such a pretty name. Thank you for feeling comfortable enough on this web site to post a concern that is obviously troubling you so.

I looked up the word adultery and this is what the dictionary says:

voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband

Based on the definition above, viewing pornography is not adultery. Despite the fact that it isn't, your feelings regarding him viewing it may still be the same. For some reason you've deemed this type of behavior as inappropriate. Different folk think different things, based on their own life experiences, etc. You are entitled to think and feel what you want, but so is he.

Usually/Hopefully in marriages, when one partner sees their behavior is hurting the other, they will stop doing that thing (even if it is not against God or Man's law).

And at the same time ...

When one partner sees that something means so much to the other, even if they don't like it, they will allow it (especially if it brings no real hurt, harm or danger to the family).

Why does it bother you so? Is it a violation of your faith? Are you concerned that he may take it further, beyond just looking/enjoying ... but wanting to touch these women? Are you feeling inadequate, because he looks at pornography? I think the answer to these questions may help you resolve this.

What happens between a husband and wife in the privacy of their home and/or bedroom is nobody's business. So why not get naked and watch the pornography with him?? I'd try that before I let this issue ruin an otherwise healthy and loving relationship.

Hope this helps.

Destee

first i welcome u and now what kemet speaks off is true
many times before i have learned this to be true ....kem is right!!
keep it light

Biblically Speaking...

The Bible states that if a man looks upon a woman to lust after her that he has already committed adultery in his heart.

I gotta go with that... I would say yes you can say it's adultery for the simple fact that he's not watching it and thinkin about bug's bunny... he's thinkin about that woman and probably picturing himself with her so that would qualify being that the bible also states that whatsoeva a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.

Have you expressed your concern directly to him? is he aware that it's effecting your marriage? if you have not, and you decide to... be mild, down to earth, but most of all be you.

Hope I helped some

Too bad Janiah is probably far distanced from this forum at present. In my opinion, viewing Pornography on a regular basis is voyeurism, which is a mental and spiritual sickness. I feel that Janiah's reaction is the natural reaction to such behavior coming from her husband. He has a wife RIGHT THERE IN PERSON, with the same body parts. Why is he acting as though he has never seen a nude woman before? Perhaps the ones on the computer are more "doctored up" or more closely fit the eurocentric standard of beauty or something. Whatever the case, it is inexcusable for anyone male or female, to carve out time from their schedule to regularly get thrills off someone else's nudity. I tell you, it is a sickness.

I cannot even imagine myself being drawn to pornography (nude men), but especially not while my husband sits right there and frets about it. Come on y'all, what is wrong with that picture?????

Where does it say that?

Janiah,

according the the bible and the quaran, his action is dead wrong, so your feelings that this is adultery agree with both.

Reason gave the exact reference.
it is considered adultery if he looks and lusts.
if he had no desire to want, he wouldn't for as long as he has been even view it.

the fact that he views it is sik enough, but in front of his own wife :jawdrop:

now is the time you communicate your feelings to him about this matter, humbly.

kem, i've seen you twisted in a lot of areas, but now you're discombobulated.
it said what it said. leave it at that!!

I have to agree with J'hiah and Reason...this guy definitely has some issues.

:uhoh: Kemetry, I sho would like the scripture reference on dat one bro. I could be wrong, but I jes' ain seen dat. I dun looked and I dun looked. You sho???

I just read the bottom part of this...but I get the jist...and Joyce...that what Kem said ain't nowhere in the Bible. Lord don't like nobody changing His Scriptures. (and the Bible does say that) Revelations clearly states what's gonna happen to false teachers. We either believe that or we don't. (there will be a whole lotta preachers wondering why they didn't make it...and then there are those who will know exactly why)

Recognize...

oh, and on the topic of porn.... um... it comes under the heading of lust.... and J'hiah and Reason are correct; if you're basing it on Biblical teachings.

alyce

Originally posted by kemetstry
Aw cmon Janiah!

Take a chill pill! Adultery??!!??
I can understand your problem with his developing fetish, as well as, the fact that he doesnt have the decency to at least sneak around and look. :D
But what you are having is a girly insecurity attack.
I would advise that you consult his Iman. I believe that according to his religion, this is a form of maturbation. It is not allowed! Especially if he is doing it to the level that I perceive here. Next, you need to look at what the problems may be in your bedroom. Perhaps he is bored and needs more stimulus of exploration. As his wife there is nothing wrong with you being more aggressive in this area. Try some frank and honest discussions on this level. Keep it light, and not PERSONAL!
Men operate by logic. As in mathematical. Use that approach with him.
Good luck

:toast:


"Men operate by logic?" :eek:

Do tell.... :confused:

*snicker*

:angel:

Pornography IS a doorway TO adultery, period. What is planted in the mind will make an attempt to manifest itself in a number of ways.

Your concern for your husband is admirable. Yes, HE is the one that is going to have to 'unplug' from the fantasy lifestyle and come back to YOU...his reality.

Here are some suggestions:

*Pray for him! I mean fast and pray that he be broken of this sin, because that is what it is!

*Talk with him! One of my columns, "Charted But Unpassable Waters" hits on the past of a man, and how it rules his present. There may be some 'mines' planted in his past that he needs to address and be free of, before he can deal with what has manifested himself in the present.

Remember: Ted Bundy, a serial killer and rapist, went to the death chamber. One of his last interviews stated fully that had he not been hooked on porn as a child, he wouldn't have been motivated as a man to 'act out' his fantasies.

Pornography, no matter if it is 'soft core', 'medium core', or 'hard core' is designed to prompt the mind to ask for more, more, more!

He's got to cut it off at the root!

Mike Ramey

indeed it will open da door wide up for adultery i agree wit Mike

What you have is a sneak peak into his imagination, the man is at odds with his belief, Therefore if one is at odds
with ones belief then what else could he be at odds with?. in short if he is willing to compromise his faith then
what else will he compromise? pornography is as addictive as drugs there is treatment but there is no cure.
Now ask your self this one question are you willing to sacrifice your time and your principals for some one
that compromises you, his faith and him self.

Confront him not his minister he is the man you sleep with. tell him that you did not marry a pervert but a man
trust me sneaking around is definitely next, and only if it has not already happened.

The question is, "Is viewing pornography adultery"?...

If you subscribe to Biblical teachings AND you're married
AND you submit yourself to lust...those that support this
scenario, say yes. If the husband claims to be a
Christian, then he may have a lot to answer for if he
believes that watching pornography is prohibited according
to Christian doctrine but does it anyway. (Is it okay then
for a married couple to videotape themselves having sex and
be adulterous?)

Right or wrong...good or bad...moral or immoral...a
person's point of view will frame their response.

My question to Janiah is, did your husband suddenly start
watching pornography or is this something he's been doing
all along and you just discovered it recently?

Correction...Janiah, I re-read your post and saw where you said your husband is Muslim. So, take my previous response and transpose Islamic doctrine where I wrote "Christian"...same principle applies in either case.

First let me say that I hope things get better Janiah.

Next let me say that if your husband loved you and respected you then he would be willing to compromise and respect your feelings. Maybe you all could watch them together and he could explain the reason for watching, or incorporate some of the things into your own bedroom, so he would not have a need for watching so much. Just a thought.

I'm sorry family. I gotta little bored, and I just had to bring this back up.

What do you really make of this? Even though it should be a spirituality thread?

Cedric Denson

I think it is just plain ol' wrong in general! And in a relationship it is detrimental!. Soo many relationships are now ruined because of Pornography. Some men or even women get soo obsessed with it that they lose touch of reality. My husband has about 6 DVD's in our home, he hasn't watched them lately tho', but still, just knowing that they are there bothers me. I told him this and he just replied, Ladies, you know what I'm about to say "It's a man thang", that's their reply for everything they know they are not supposed to be doing!. But, heres the thing, just to get my man ta' thinkin', I said that I was going to buy me one ov' those vibrators - Boy, you should'ov seen the look in his eyes, then, he had the nerve to tell me that if I did, he was Ghost!. Now ain't that about some s**t. He can look @ some chick turnin' tricks but he can't handle a new "Friend"....Hmmm....

I think it is just plain ol' wrong in general! And in a relationship it is detrimental!. Soo many relationships are now ruined because of Pornography. Some men or even women get soo obsessed with it that they lose touch of reality. My husband has about 6 DVD's in our home, he hasn't watched them lately tho', but still, just knowing that they are there bothers me. I told him this and he just replied, Ladies, you know what I'm about to say "It's a man thang", that's their reply for everything they know they are not supposed to be doing!. But, heres the thing, just to get my man ta' thinkin', I said that I was going to buy me one ov' those vibrators - Boy, you should seen the look in his eyes, then, he had the nerve to tell me that if I did, he was Ghost!. Now ain't that about some s**t. He can look @ some chick turnin' tricks but he can't handle a new "Friend"....Hmmm....
now i remember why i'm not married :hammer:

Now you are cruisin' for a bruisin'! What made you say that? :garbage:

Now you are cruisin' for a bruisin'! What made you say that? :garbage:
in my place i look at whatever i want to look at.
hey, i'll even look at you if you post a picture.

i don't react well to people telling me what i can look at and what i can not. :hearthis:

in my place i look at whatever i want to look at.
hey, i'll even look at you if you post a picture.

i don't react well to people telling me what to do. :hearthis:
Now, I ain't never said anything 'bout telling you what to do!

Now, I ain't never said anything 'bout telling you what to do!
i mean, if i was married i couldn't look at porno (as well as a number of other things) so i'm better off not being married.
so i'm not.

BTW - if i ever run into a woman who will do some of the things those women on the pornos do, i'll watch her instead :slobber:

BTW - if i ever run into a woman who will do some of the things those women on the pornos do, i'll watch her instead

You've had threesomes and the whole 9 brotherJames....I didn't think that was a problem for you! By the way, how do you know what the women in pornos do, if you don't watch them. :driveby:

You've had threesomes and the whole 9 brotherJames....I didn't think that was a problem for you! By the way, how do you know what the women in pornos do, if you don't watch them. :driveby:
did i say i didn't watch?
i have a nice collection.
i have always been amazed at what people will do for a dollar.
i did see one of my favorites in a club once and i didn't like her personally.

James, man, you're an Old'School Freak for reals. Real Freaky-Deaky!. Naw. I never told him that he can't watch the s**t, I just said that it made me uncomfortable. James, you mean to tell me that if your GF didn't like you watching Porn, you'd show her the door?...cause that's what I'm reading over here. Why do you men get-off on Stuff like that?.


As far as that chick havin'a stank attitude- See, you shouldn't be watching that any-which-away! :skillet:

Yeah , you're definately right about that one. Women are different. You couldn't have put it better!. But, what is it in particular that we need to learn from you men? :thinking:

........... Why do you men get-off on Stuff like that?..............
why do women read romance novels?
different strokes for different folks.

i'm visual, i like to look at stuff.
i'm not a family man, i need my space to do my thing.
the woman who can deal with me being me is the one who is still in my life, the others are gone.

women need to learn a little bit about men. (and vice versa)
we are not wired the same as you.