I recently stumbled across a conversation with soem brothers who addressed the circumstances of Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston. They were talking about the difference between them and how they hooked up. there is a trend occurring in the black community where woman AND men who are "considered" white collar professional or "bougie" even "Carlton and Hilary from Fresh Prince" are coupled with thug mentality individauls or "Ryde or Die Chicks" and "Roughnecks." Videos such as Da' Brat's and Mc Lyte's have initially stated that they are lloking for a more "urbanesque" type brotha who can "drag the timb's with the pants sagging" The brothas is pairing up with women such as the LOCS sound "Ryde of Die Chick" and even DMX's "What you want from me?"

The question for today is: "What is it that you look for in your mate?" Now i'm not asking about their spiritual level. (if i was i would have posted it in my forum.) What I'm looking for is some truth here. Why is there such an attraction for an "Aropund the way gurl" or a "roughneck." Is the days of smooth brothers like Shemar Morre being replaced by the likes of Jahiem, Tank, Joe, Tyrese, etc.?

Speak your mind...

Some people think of Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston as an odd couple when they are very much the same. Whitney is thought to be different from Bobby because of her looks and soe of the songs she has written for her, but that is confusing glitter with the gold. They are much the same.

But on to your question. Personally, I care for women who don't need me to do anything except be their companion and love. I don't care for "needy" women. Independence and intellectualism appeal to me. However, I definitely like a woman who is afraid to be a "a lady in the street" and "freaky in the bedroom" to steal a phrase from Betty Wright.

There is a "thug" mentality that "some" have bought into, but I think it is more hype than reality in mainstream African America. I believe a woman wants a man who is a provider as well as protector, who knows what to do with a woman and is not afraid to ask if he does not. Some say gangsters need love too and that is fine, but when you lay down with a snake, you sholdn't be surprised if you get bit.

Some people change and I hate to put people into categories. However, ones track record cannot be ignored. Beaters, thieves, cheaters and drug abusers tend to stay the same and when we become involved with them we take the chance of becoing like them or suffering because of our association with them. When the police come they take everyone.

I know I've said far too much and have left out the clear exceptions, have over generalized, but in a short reply this is the best I can do. However, for me I still must admit one thing, I am still attracted to a "cheap, whorish looking woman" because my hormones say here is someone I can (((exscuse me))) "**** and forget" even thought that may not be the case because looks are decieving as we all know.

Ra
:eek:

very few can say so much in so few words...thanks for your response...

I am glad you brought up the fact the Whitney and Bobby are so much alike. The concpet that i left out intentionally was that many who have considered themselves as ones who are "moving on up to da east side" have unfortunately forgotten where they came from. Now i'm not saying all for that would be generalizing but when you have movies that protray ou successful blackmen who have made it either falling in love with a "around the way girl" or needing to be deprogrammed as one movie put it. Unfortunately i cannot remember the names of the movies but one was a spike Lee joint with Ving Rhames and the other had Tommy Davidson and Halley Berry. Another movie somes to mind is "Woo" and many more where the persona is a successful brother or sister in the white collar world of Wall street falls in love with a "rough around the edges" or "ghetto" girl of guy and in the midst of loving them must face the realtiy of where they have been for so long.

As for me i prefer a woman of class, not stature, with some "round the way" or "Ruff Ryder" in them. Even recently i've had people wonder how my lady, who is very articulate and cultrued can e with a "thug mentality" such as I. I feel comfortable in Timbs and jeans but i also feel just as comfortable in a suit. he "roughneck" mentaltity will draw the "roughneck" mindset. Although its good to be around one for you know they will protect you, an you really know just how far the "roughneck " will go? Just because one wants sex like in "Belly" is one really willing to sacrifice personal security? There are limits but i curious to where you draw the line...

Confidence in one's manhood is more important than portraying the thug life. Ask Tupac...if you can find him...

I hope this trend will end too, but I seriously doubt it. I feel especially sorry for their children. I guess I am just old fashioned, but I still believe a neatly dressed man is still nicer to behold. He doesn't have to have on designer clothes...just be neat and "care" about his appearance. The thug look may appeal to some, but when a neatly dressed brother appears, he still turns heads on a dime.

To me, there is nothing appealing about a sloppy (draws showing, pants 4x too big, shoes untied, hair uncombed, nasty mouth) man. I definitely couldn't see one of these as a husband.
If he doesn't care about his appearance, he certainly won't care about a lot of other (with very rare exceptions) things of importance either.

But if a man combs his hair, ties his shoe strings, wears clothes that fit properly and is not prone to follow silly trends just because they are fashionable, then that man will get my attention every time. Because if he cares about his appearance, most likely, he will care about other things of importance too.

how true joyce. I used to be a thug and there are times when the style of dress comes out. TO me it's just comfortable. I not one to be abusive to my mate not speak to her in a negative tone but i do know that there are some who very much desire a well dressed man but underneath was a little thug in their life too. One young lady told me that a thug "keeps it real" and she feels secure around them.

You know what's funny to me? I find that here, the well dressed men attract the "thuggish" type females (around the way girls) while the thugs attract the well dressed woman. It has happened in my life so many times over. It's a trend that i still haven't figured out.

thanks for your input on this subject for i was just curious. For the record? I'm a "thug for Christ" in other words i deal specifially in "Urban ministry." There are times when my style of dress affects who i can minister too... I walk amongst them but i am set apart...

:smooch: Me, I can't lie.........it is something about a thug brotha that does something to me. Don't get me wrong, I want him to be sensative, loving and caring with me, but I want him to be a hard ***** brotha with everyonelse.

However, sexually I want to be told......"come here girl and let me f$@* the $#!^ out of you" verses "I want to make love to you."

There is something super sexy about a thug.


lexuslady :dance1:

We men are attracted to a variety of women regardless of their background, infact...most of us tend to like variety.

But unfortunately women are usually attracted to CERTAIN TYPES of men and can only focus on a few at a time.
So if you don't fit that type, not matter how smart you are or good you look they still focus you out and it's much harder to get their attention.

Women seem to be attracted to men who remind them most of thier fathers, older brothers, and other men they've grown up around.

So if most of the men they grew up with were criminals, alcoholics, and addicts...then those are the type of men they're usually feel most comfortable with.

It's kind of sketchy I dont think women like actual thugs, just i guess guys that act kind of tough but probably would smoke a person or sell crack and heroin at 4 a.m.. Those true, killer type grimey on the block crack dealers etc. usually get avoided by women unless she is a thug or used to that environment too.

I was taking the GreyHound from the MidWest to Los Angeles and I met this fine sista in St.Louis and started kicking a little knowledge about religion and politics and she was falling hard for me all the way until we got to LasVegas.

That's when some ugly brutha with devil-horn braids, khakies, and a white t-shirt smelling like home-grown weed got on the bus and sat directly behind us.

I could tell by the way he walked pass and looked at both of us with that smirk that he was up to no good.

It didn't take him 5 minutes before he got on his celly talking about Crip this and Crip that and how many nigggaz he done killed and how many he's gonna kill when he get's back to Watts.

((shakes head))

"Yeah yeah yeah and tell Snoop and Nate I gots to holla at them fools when I get back..."

Talking about all the money he got and all the dope he sold in LasVegas and all the women he had in his hotel.


This naive girl I met could hardly keep herself concentated on the conversation we were having and then abruptly excused herself from it...turned around...and asked that clown:

"Are you are real life gang-banger????"

I knew she was gone...

The next stop I got up and switched seats, and found me a nice woman from Barbados to sit next to.
She was 47 and I was 22.....but she had my complete attention.

I was taking the GreyHound from the MidWest to Los Angeles and I met this fine sista in St.Louis and started kicking a little knowledge about religion and politics and she was falling hard for me all the way until we got to LasVegas.

That's when some ugly brutha with devil-horn braids, khakies, and a white t-shirt smelling like home-grown weed got on the bus and sat directly behind us.

I could tell by the way he walked pass and looked at both of us with that smirk that he was up to no good.

It didn't take him 5 minutes before he got on his celly talking about Crip this and Crip that and how many nigggaz he done killed and how many he's gonna kill when he get's back to Watts.

((shakes head))

"Yeah yeah yeah and tell Snoop and Nate I gots to holla at them fools when I get back..."

Talking about all the money he got and all the dope he sold in LasVegas and all the women he had in his hotel.


This naive girl I met could hardly keep herself concentated on the conversation we were having and then abruptly excused herself from it...turned around...and asked that clown:

"Are you are real life gang-banger????"

I knew she was gone...

The next stop I got up and switched seats, and found me a nice woman from Barbados to sit next to.
She was 47 and I was 22.....but she had my complete attention.

That sistah is truly lost. I would bet that she either had no father in the home growing up, of if there was a father there, he was very dysfunctional.

Sek

Actually, this sista...from the few hours I had getting to know her...said she came from a pretty good home. She was in college and spoke like one of those bouncy "valley girls".

I don't know man, some of our people are just curious and excited by that gangsta type life-style.

I was taking the GreyHound from the MidWest to Los Angeles and I met this fine sista in St.Louis and started kicking a little knowledge about religion and politics and she was falling hard for me all the way until we got to LasVegas.

That's when some ugly brutha with devil-horn braids, khakies, and a white t-shirt smelling like home-grown weed got on the bus and sat directly behind us.

I could tell by the way he walked pass and looked at both of us with that smirk that he was up to no good.

It didn't take him 5 minutes before he got on his celly talking about Crip this and Crip that and how many nigggaz he done killed and how many he's gonna kill when he get's back to Watts.

((shakes head))

"Yeah yeah yeah and tell Snoop and Nate I gots to holla at them fools when I get back..."

Talking about all the money he got and all the dope he sold in LasVegas and all the women he had in his hotel.


This naive girl I met could hardly keep herself concentated on the conversation we were having and then abruptly excused herself from it...turned around...and asked that clown:

"Are you are real life gang-banger????"

I knew she was gone...

The next stop I got up and switched seats, and found me a nice woman from Barbados to sit next to.
She was 47 and I was 22.....but she had my complete attention.

Now that's a D@mn shame....SMH! No doubt this woman will become a baby momma (if she wasn't already), and talking about she never met a decent black man before!

Peace,


Ralfa'il when I read your post, I saw myself.

Believe me brother, you are not the only one that has happen to.

This is one of the reasons I'm attracted to older women. Many of them are not impressed with that thug/gangster *****.

Peace...

Peace, Ralfa'il when I read your post, I saw myself.
Believe me brother, you are not the only one that has happen to. This is one of the reasons I'm attracted to older women. Many of them are not impressed with that thug/gangster *****.

No brother Ralfa'il isn't alone in that experience, but there are young women that do appreciate brothers who aren't thugs.

PJ

Ralfa'il when I read your post, I saw myself.

Believe me brother, you are not the only one that has happen to.

This is one of the reasons I'm attracted to older women. Many of them are not impressed with that thug/gangster *****.



Older women and women from Africa.

I've noticed that most black women who were raised in societies that didn't see dark skin or black as "negative" and "evil" had significantly more self-esteem than many of our sistaz here in America.

When a woman feels that she is worthless, she won't feel comfortable in a positive environment around positive people because she doesn't feel "worthy" of the honor.

other than senegal/gambia i do not see that,

PJ

Ralfa'il when I read your post, I saw myself.

Believe me brother, you are not the only one that has happen to.

This is one of the reasons I'm attracted to older women. Many of them are not impressed with that thug/gangster *****.



Older women and women from Africa.

I've noticed that most black women who were raised in societies that didn't see dark skin or black as "negative" and "evil" had significantly more self-esteem than many of our sistaz here in America.

When a woman feels that she is worthless, she won't feel comfortable in a positive environment around positive people because she doesn't feel "worthy" of the honor.

What about Kenyans putting skin lighteners on their skin in hopes of looking 'more attractive'?

Sorry Ralfa'il man, but that story sounds funny. It does seem like a lot of bougie girls or even girls here in South Central want the thug. Personally, I stay away from gangbanging and ****. Just wouldn't look good to a college scout. And I can't stand getting shot at. I'd flip out. So many ppl wanna be thugs, but don't want the whole package. I just focus on my game and wait till my time to shine on the court. Most girls don't like athletes unless there tomboys. And about the girl, she's gonna end up pretty **** sad.

Karma


What about Kenyans putting skin lighteners on their skin in hopes of looking 'more attractive'?

To be honest sis, the only African women I ever personally met who used skin lighteners were Nigerian women. And Nigerians are among the most Westernized of Africans.

Most of the very very dark skinned women I've seen from Africa seemed to be very happy with themselves and had high self esteem. Infact, it was that happy vibrant attitude that made a strong enough impression on me to meet them because it's unusual for very very dark skinned black people to be so up-beat in this society.

Most of the very dark people I see born in America have low self esteem and that translates to being on the low end socially and economically.






Froggy


You have the media pushing this "thug appeal" at them 24 hours a day 7 days a week with 50Cent, resurrectin Tupac, violent rappers.

Ever hear a woman say,
"It's just something about a thug I love but I just can't explain"

She can't explain it because she's being brainwashed.

They constantly show videos with all these clowns surrounded by whiskey, women, and plenty money to make them appealing.


The value of something is based on it's demand and desire.
If thugs are constantly promoted and priced as high...then they are gonna be looked at as the most precious.

Nope skin bleaching cream is a big problem all over africa, to the point to where it is outlawed in places like senegal and gambia. kenya has a large problem with it as well as many caribbean islands. people get cancer from using it so much. It's indeed a problem