Nubian One
09-20-2004, 06:27 PM
Ok yall, I'm new here and I'm a senior in HS. i had to write a short personal essay.. I need feed back.. Let me know if it captures your attention and if not what can i do to intrigue my audience. I truely believe that I am the worst writer in the world. *cries*... I need help, Criticism, anything you have to offer... okay here goes..I also need to know if my title is ok.
She was a scrawny, vibrant girl. She was diminutive in size, probably no more than 4’3”. Her energy and intelligence was one of a person twice of size. Her smile could lighten up any dark room and the enchanted sparkle in her hazel brown eyes was spellbinding. Her long dark brown hair draped vivaciously, spiraling down her back. She was seven years old and was in the second grade. She was playful and she had a magnificent youthful spirit. We met on the monkey bars. Her name was Maya and – she was deaf.
The school yard was filled with cheerful little children. My eyes brighten as my Aunt Pauline and I approached the school’s grounds. I noticed the glistening metal sliding boards, the dazzling yellow monkey bars, swings, and the giant red balls. I anxiously let go of my aunt’s hand and ran as fast my little legs would allow me to. The sun was shining ever so bright, one this humid 90 degree day in the dead of summer, but for an energetic girl like myself heat was certainly not a factor. I giggled, jumped, hopped, bounced, ran, screamed, and skipped as I played. I was having a blast. I felt like I was in heaven. I couldn’t have asked for anything more than to be with other children, running around and playing without a care in the world. I played and played before realizing that they all were deaf.
Every summer Aunt Pauline would drag me along to the PA School of the Deaf (PSD). She would go to volunteer and visit the staff and deaf children. I remember my first time there as if it was yesterday; it was my first encounter with a deaf person and a real eye opener. I remember how Aunt Pauline would help around the school and in the classrooms. I would just stare at her as her hands began to speak. The gestures were intriguing. I wanted to do what she was doing. Although, I had no idea what they meant, I imitated the signs she did. It wasn’t long before I could hold a conversation in sign language. It was truly amazing to me how deaf people communicated.
Maya wasn’t just a girl. She wasn’t just someone I met on the monkey bars. We were more than just playground buddies. Maya happens to be one of my closet friends. There was something inside of her I wanted to know and learn more about. She intrigued me. Over the years Maya hasn’t only been a companion but she has helped me grow as a person. I was once, a child who was basically oblivious to the deaf community, through Aunt Pauline’s involvement with PSD, I was able gain insight about the Deaf culture.
Now 10 years later I still have a passion for the deaf community, for sign language and for psychology. Maya has been one of the most significant people in my life. When I realized she was deaf, so many things began to run through my head. I was confused, yet excited. Confused because she was just like me – but deaf, excited to learn more about her and learn how to communicate. Particularly I wanted to know whether or not the minds and behavior of deaf people different from that of hearing people? I wanted to get inside her head; I wanted to experience what it was like to be in her shoes. Although, I never had the opportunity to actually see what it was like to be in her shoes I was able to grow up with her..
One life can have an enormous impact on the lives of others. Its hard to imagine what things would have been like if I never had the opportunity to meet Maya. Sometimes we need a key to unlock the possibilities and the potential that lies with in us. For me Maya was my key. She unlocked a whole other world; a world I didn’t know existed. She helped me to unlock what was in my heart; a passion I grew to love.
She was a scrawny, vibrant girl. She was diminutive in size, probably no more than 4’3”. Her energy and intelligence was one of a person twice of size. Her smile could lighten up any dark room and the enchanted sparkle in her hazel brown eyes was spellbinding. Her long dark brown hair draped vivaciously, spiraling down her back. She was seven years old and was in the second grade. She was playful and she had a magnificent youthful spirit. We met on the monkey bars. Her name was Maya and – she was deaf.
The school yard was filled with cheerful little children. My eyes brighten as my Aunt Pauline and I approached the school’s grounds. I noticed the glistening metal sliding boards, the dazzling yellow monkey bars, swings, and the giant red balls. I anxiously let go of my aunt’s hand and ran as fast my little legs would allow me to. The sun was shining ever so bright, one this humid 90 degree day in the dead of summer, but for an energetic girl like myself heat was certainly not a factor. I giggled, jumped, hopped, bounced, ran, screamed, and skipped as I played. I was having a blast. I felt like I was in heaven. I couldn’t have asked for anything more than to be with other children, running around and playing without a care in the world. I played and played before realizing that they all were deaf.
Every summer Aunt Pauline would drag me along to the PA School of the Deaf (PSD). She would go to volunteer and visit the staff and deaf children. I remember my first time there as if it was yesterday; it was my first encounter with a deaf person and a real eye opener. I remember how Aunt Pauline would help around the school and in the classrooms. I would just stare at her as her hands began to speak. The gestures were intriguing. I wanted to do what she was doing. Although, I had no idea what they meant, I imitated the signs she did. It wasn’t long before I could hold a conversation in sign language. It was truly amazing to me how deaf people communicated.
Maya wasn’t just a girl. She wasn’t just someone I met on the monkey bars. We were more than just playground buddies. Maya happens to be one of my closet friends. There was something inside of her I wanted to know and learn more about. She intrigued me. Over the years Maya hasn’t only been a companion but she has helped me grow as a person. I was once, a child who was basically oblivious to the deaf community, through Aunt Pauline’s involvement with PSD, I was able gain insight about the Deaf culture.
Now 10 years later I still have a passion for the deaf community, for sign language and for psychology. Maya has been one of the most significant people in my life. When I realized she was deaf, so many things began to run through my head. I was confused, yet excited. Confused because she was just like me – but deaf, excited to learn more about her and learn how to communicate. Particularly I wanted to know whether or not the minds and behavior of deaf people different from that of hearing people? I wanted to get inside her head; I wanted to experience what it was like to be in her shoes. Although, I never had the opportunity to actually see what it was like to be in her shoes I was able to grow up with her..
One life can have an enormous impact on the lives of others. Its hard to imagine what things would have been like if I never had the opportunity to meet Maya. Sometimes we need a key to unlock the possibilities and the potential that lies with in us. For me Maya was my key. She unlocked a whole other world; a world I didn’t know existed. She helped me to unlock what was in my heart; a passion I grew to love.