My cousin has 3 girls.
Her two oldest girls were sexually abused by their natural father when they were 11 & 6. She has since re-married and has a new husband. My cousin made a decision to avoid getting psychological help for her girls, choosing instead to pray about it.

Today her oldest daughter is 22 and has been involved in really strange relationships with men. She had a son at age 18 by a white man who was 15 years older than her that she met off the internet. Now she is about to marry another older man who seems to be very controlling almost bordering abuse.

The other daughter is now 17 and dresses like she should be standing on the street corner.

I am not judging my cousin or her kids, I just wonder if she should have gone about handling their abuse differently. It seemed like after she found out they had been sexually abused, she just swept it under the rug and prayed...but never really acknowledge what happened to the girls. It's pretty evident they are both suffering. Just wondered if anyone has had similar incidences in their family...and how they handled it.

I haven't had any situations like that in my family (at least that I know of). I can see how you may question her method of handling this. I was never a fan of the "pray about it" view on life. I mean, prayer is a part of life and very powerful, but sometimes you have to deal with things and not just pray about it. I think with something this serious you have to talk about it and make sure that these girls are not holding these demons inside of them. They might feel like they did something to contribute to what happened and may be having self-confidence issues. You have to deal with these problems because they won't just work themselves out.

The bad part about it is, she didn't discuss it with the girls, & she wouldn't let anyone in the family talk to the girls either.

So it's like they had an awful thing happen to them and cant talk about it at all.

To have a life shattering thing happen to your children and do absolutely NOTHING about it and not even let anyone speak on it is ABUSE. She was what in the law enforcement world is call "an accomplise after the fact". The father abused them, she protected him by not reporting and neglected them by not talking to them and getting them therapy.

I put her in the same catagory as people who let their sick kids die because they dont believe in hospitals or modern medicine. Shame on her.

JMO

The father abused them, she protected him by not reporting and neglected them by not talking to them and getting them therapy.

Oh, it was reported to authorities...because he also molested another cousin of mine who was 14 at the time. He had charges filed, served time and then he moved here to the state of Washington. (We were all in Oklahoma when this occured). Funny thing is, this man had been apart of our family for 11 years before he started abusing his girls.

At any rate, my cousin turned down all available treatment the state offered her. Our pastor prayed for the girls, and that was the last I heard about it.

Oh....good for her for reporting it....but I have less respect for her now that I know she did because as you said, all kinds of help was offered.

Now she really is like those people of certian religions who refue care for very sick kids simply becuase they think they can pray their way out. I hope those poor girls realize what a huge role mom played in destroying their lives and I hope she recognizes the stupidness she did. That man destroyed their life, but mom let the aftermath of the act be as bad as possible by being lazy and cheap. Why do I get the feeling she is afraid the girls would have let out info that she knew of the molestation as it happened and did nothing at first? Maybe she is carrying serious guilt for that....but she needs to feel more guilt for doing nothing. Her kids lives are over.

Blak

Well, I thought the whole family needed couseling afterwards....my cousin included.

Oddly enough, neither of the girls will step foot in a church.

Well, I thought the whole family needed couseling afterwards....my cousin included.

Oddly enough, neither of the girls will step foot in a church.

Good call on the whole fam needing counciling. That kind of thing hurts those close to the victim too. I get upset speaking on this and I dont know your fam. If it happened to my little sister or a cousin of mine, I would want to kill the perpatrator and would carry much anger around in me.

Those girls are right to not set foot in a church, that whole scene let them down. It would just remind them of what mom turned to, to make herself feel better while the they suffered in silence.

When I first read this post I was digusted and was ready to jump all over the mother. Then it dawn on me. Something was missing.

The mother's side of the story. Why did she refused any help for her children? Was she ever molested as a child? Did she feel that having her children relive this tragic incident in therapy would hurt them more? What was going through her mind?

These are some of the questions that came to my mind. There was a time when I would judge people for there actions but life experiences have taught me that I don't know the minds and hearts of others. I don't know the things that they habor deep inside them. So how can I fully understand the nature of someone else choices?

There have been regrets and choices I made in my life and others seem to make it their duty to judge me for them without even considering my state of mind or what I may have been going through.

I'm not saying that you are judging your cousin, but I'm sure alot of people did.

Who can say that they always made the right choices in there life? Who can say that they lived a perfect life with no mistakes and no bad choices ever?
Who can say that their ish don't stink?

Has anyone gone out of their way to reach these girls despite mom? To let them know that they know what happened and it is not their fault or to late to get some help?

It's so hurtful to hear when these things happen to people. It breaks my heart! I'm not sure what actions I would take if something like this ever happened to any of my children. I would like to think that I would concider my childrens thoughts, feelings, and mental state of mind. Not every child is made up to under go such therapy. Not every child will have the courage to discuss such issues with a stranger. It could be more harmful than helpful.

I'm not no therapist, but I would talk with my children first about it. I would tell them that it wasn't their fault and how much I love them. I would apologize for not being there or knowing how sick that predator was. I would tell them that I will go to couseling with them because I need help dealing with this issue. And believe me you, I would definately need some help because I would want to end the persons life who has wronged my babies in such a way.

I would find my little cousins and talk with them as I would my own. I would listen more than I would talk. I would do my best not to make them feel weak or humiliated. I would tell them that I love them, I'm proud of them and how brave and strong they are for dealing with these things the best way they knew how. I would let them know that I am here for them if ever they need me to be, But most of all, That I Still and always will, LOVE THEM!

It's so hard for me to say, If things would have turned out different for them if they had gotton the help they needed. It is a possibility. People make their own choices when they come of age to do so. Ones lifes path can never be determined for sure.

She should have definitely gotten help this is so sad and I can relate......
I was molested at 6 years old by my older cousin,but I didn't turn out like them...I never told anyone in my family and they still don't know because I felt like it was my fault that I let him touch me,but I did pray about it and it helped me to over come it.We both still talk to eachother and everything,but never mention it for fear of even more chaos in my family.My three baby cousin had herpes in their mouths because of their mother,but it's all gone now.....She really should have gotten help :nono:

She should have definitely gotten help this is so sad and I can relate......
I was molested at 6 years old by my older cousin,but I didn't turn out like them...I never told anyone in my family and they still don't know because I felt like it was my fault that I let him touch me,but I did pray about it and it helped me to over come it.We both still talk to eachother and everything,but never mention it for fear of even more chaos in my family.My three baby cousin had herpes in their mouths because of their mother,but it's all gone now.....She really should have gotten help :nono:
All that in one family???

That is out of control. I am sorry for what you went through. All the perpatrators deserve prison time. :mad:

Purplemoons,
You asked:
The mother's side of the story. Why did she refused any help for her children? Was she ever molested as a child? Did she feel that having her children relive this tragic incident in therapy would hurt them more? What was going through her mind?

My cousin "C" (the mother) WAS in fact molested as a teenager by her mother's husband. I only found this out when one of my other cousins was having issues in her marriage...all because her husband didn't want her going to a family reunion because my uncle was there. So my "uncle R" molested 3 of my cousins and NO ONE SAID or DID anything about it. They accused all three girls of being fast and lying. My aunt is still married to this man. So my cousin "C" feels that because she is saved, her mother is saved that somehow that must save "R".

My grandmother was a pastor. Pretty much everything that happened in the family had to be run past her, and if she didn't recommend it, it didn't happen. I think the only reason I was spared this molestation is because my father knew this man was no good and had threatened him with death if he ever laid one hand on me. I guess my father was the reason I never really listened to my grandmother. But most of my female cousin's didn't have relationships with their natural fathers.

In all honesty, I do feel that my cousin "C" THOUGHT she did what she should have. She told my grandmother (the pastor), all my aunts and uncles rallied and prayed. They asked for forgiveness...and it was not mentioned again. No one judged my cousin because no one outside the family knew what happened. The girls father did his time in Oklahoma, and when he came back to Seattle he didn't tell his family why he left. They didn't find out about the charges until he was forced to say why he wasn't allowed visitation.

My cousin Drea did talk to the oldest girl recently...because she is going through some rough times with the older guy she is about to marry. She tried to talk her into going to counseling, but she won't even consider it without her grandmother's nod...the same aunt of mine who is married to the child molester.

I stand corrected.

The grandmother and the way she operated is similar to that of the Catholic church. Everyone knows there is a molestation problem, but none of the people will break the wall of silence without the say so of higher up's who keep all this bad behaviour on the hush.

I never knew that suppression of sexual abuse in the black community was so organized. I always thought it was just maintianing the opinion that it was taboo to speak on it and airing 'dirty laundry' was bad.

This is SICK. I dont know what else to say. Thank your father CarrieMonet......he is a good man....your grandmother is a disgrace....your cousin needs help as do her daughters.

MrBlak

This is just Awful! I truly feel for all your cousins! How could she possible know what the right thing to do was. She got The most respected member of the family along with others telling her not to seek therapy.

Her decisions to not get therapy for her children as an adult may not have been judge, but as a child she was judge already. She thinks what happened to her was her own fault. That she was a fast child who asked for it.

So her punishment for herself and her children is to live with this secret. I feel so bad for her most of all. I know she relives the pain of what happened to her through her children. Perhaps this is also why she was unable to stand-up for them and go against everyone elses wishes.

I can only imagine the constant conflicts that goes on inside her mind. When you get a chance CarrieMonet, Hug your cousin for me and tell her she is not alone. That there are many who have these hidden secrets and that you know it was not her fault! Tell her Sis! Just in case no one ever has!!!!!

Knowing a family, that have been through all of this, where 3 of the daughters where molested, by their father, and the mother knew for years but didn’t know, in denial out of this came her grandkids, 5 of her grandkids out of 15 our so, which one was giving away for adoption. And raising the boys in the family as her sons not grandkids.

the one they hid and placed up for adoption, later in her adult life wanted to know her family and the grandmother kept it such a hidden secret…that when she found them they was surprised but not surprised, she looks like him…so its also the shame that stands in the way of getting help, they may want it but the shame blocks everything.

Anyway, she went on to want to know who her father was, but every time she would ask they would get in a hush about it, he real mom would change the subject and her brothers would sort of give smart remarks. So she would just let it be for then she could feel the tension.

Then out of the blue her cousin sat her down and told her this horrible story all was afraid to bring back to light. After all it had been 30 plus years. And from all this man their father her grandfather, did to this family…1 aunt is on drugs, 1 moved far away, which is her mother who have nothing to do with her mother, and the other would not let her kids out to play with others, she kept a tight lock on them, and just got married since the kids are grown, she had no relationship with a man for she was scared of harm coming to her kids. Her brother, don’t let his kids out the yard or outside unless he is outside with them. He finally let them stay over (her) his sisters house, and have placed his self out the family for keeping a sister he always wanted a secret as they did…. but it was all of pride and shame that they kept this inside the family not letting it out until she found them..

And as time went on she believes it was the shame of it all…her and her grandmother are close but not as close as they should be. For she was a secret kept that was never to be let out.

****************

SensualReality...baby girl it was not your fault...dont think it dont even believe it....alot of women go around thinking it be there fault and you was a baby it was his fault ..never blame yourself for it was his crime!!!

The grandmother and the way she operated is similar to that of the Catholic church. Everyone knows there is a molestation problem, but none of the people will break the wall of silence without the say so of higher up's who keep all this bad behaviour on the hush.

My grandmother had 8 kids. She ran their lives until the day she died. My grandmother NEVER cared for me...she didn't like my father and his mother's influence in my life.

I always thought she was a hypocrit....preaching all the good and doing so many bad things to everyone around her.

When you get a chance CarrieMonet, Hug your cousin for me and tell her she is not alone. That there are many who have these hidden secrets and that you know it was not her fault! Tell her Sis! Just in case no one ever has!!!!!

I saw her when I visited my mother back in May. I did hug her and have tried to talk to her about "R" and her oldest daughter...but she won't do it. She and her mother are really close and I think she avoids the subject because her mother is still married to the man that molested her. My cousin is now 41...but it seems mentally she is stuck somewhere else. I guess her version of being saved keeps the demons at bay.

No Doubt Sis! Of course she loves her mother very dearly! Most of us do.

Thank you for sharing such a personal issue.

IF others who have gone through this reads your post, hopefully they will know it is not their fault and get the help that they may need!

Thank you Sis!

Just this past weekend when my cousin "C" was in town I found out that she was a product of rape. My aunt was raped and that is how "C" came to be. Her father's family asked my aunt not to press charges because he'd got a scholarship to college...so she didn't press charges.

This cycle just keeps getting worse.

BUT...I am a little angry that she sent her 17 year old daughter to visit her father while they were here in Seattle. The daughter didn't want to see him. She left her alone with him for 6 hours...that just seems absurd.

I guess I just won't ever understand her logic. How will her kids handle things differently if they don't get help?

these are the type of issues that you should be discussing with a professional therapist.

you need a trained person who has experience dealing with these issues.

you can not change other people.
it may be too late for them.
you can save your self.

the irony is that often the people who need the most help are the last ones to get it.

Jamesfromphilly wrote:
you can save your self.

I don't need to save myself. I have never been sexually abused.

I don't need to save myself. I have never been sexually abused.
i didn't say that you had.
you are however describing some pretty horrific situations on the internet.
this is a clear indication that you need someone to talk to.

do you have a problem with that?
folks need to get help for their selves.

I am simply trying to understand why someone would not seek help if they've been abused and since this is a large forum, I thought someone would have insight. I don't have to talk about this incident because it really doesn't affect me. BUT I do care about ANY child I see abused....period.

You being a smart ***** doesn't really address the topic...

You being a smart ***** doesn't really address the topic...
i am trying to offer help.
can you tell me how and why you think i am being a smart ***?
what do i say that gives you that reaction?

you needed help, i thought, and i tried to offer.
why are you angry toward me?

the situation you describe is horrible and needs to be addressed professionally.
i have been in therapy in the past and found it helpful.
i think you might to.

what makes you upset?
how can i change my wording so you don't take offense?

I don't think I need help to deal with the abuse of my cousins. What I wanted help with is understanding why someone would feel that not dealing with a problem would make it go away.

I am not one who believes in keeping secrets. I don't hide my problems from the world...I'm more like an open book. I accept and understand that letting people in is the best way to let things go and deal with situations.

With that said. You comment seemed sarcastic. Sorry if I took it the wrong way...but I'm far from angry. Just cranky cause I just got to work...and don't feel like being here.

Oh, it was reported to authorities...because he also molested another cousin of mine who was 14 at the time. He had charges filed, served time and then he moved here to the state of Washington. (We were all in Oklahoma when this occured). Funny thing is, this man had been apart of our family for 11 years before he started abusing his girls.

At any rate, my cousin turned down all available treatment the state offered her. Our pastor prayed for the girls, and that was the last I heard about it.

" Our pastor prayed for the girls, and that was the last I heard about it. "

Many feel a pastor praying on an issue or problem will give them strength, but they fail to pray themselves is where the power comes from. You must profess from your own mouth, mind, actions and thoughts prayers the help you seek, and forgiveness you desire. Then listen. It was there all the time.

Folks aren't open to angels speaking to them in dreams and in life. Words and solutions come from many places, sometimes from starngers and other times family. Answeres have come to me many times in dreams. I like those.. I know when I'm being guided and spoken to. But I rarely miss it either in others. Because I listen. For words. For glimpses of his word. You know when it's in the message.

" He had charges filed, served time and then he moved here to the state of Washington. "

It's sad that this happens.

If he fled the state, a call may get him investigated and open this up for support from everyone. Dropping a dime, on a violator.. shouldn't be given a moments hestitation.

" I wanted help with is understanding why someone would feel that not dealing with a problem would make it go away. "

Carrie sometimes the silent witness, supporter role comes in between a husband and wife. Some wives will deny they suspect or know that the abuse is happening. How much of this is her quilt? That caused her to handle things like she did. Some folks believe if a problem is not spoken or addressed it will go away, and resolve in time.

That is a childs resolution to danger... close your eyes and the dangerous monster will go away or disappear. The pain for many are resolved this way. It's done on many levels in dealing with uncomfortable situations and problems. For children waking up from a bad dream will cause the demons to disappear.

The girls are looking for a father figure in dealing with older men, and have this unconscious comfort they find in those relationships. The other one dresses the way she does to attract some abuse, and attention to her sexuality. It is an invite she really doesn't want, but can’t control or believe it exists. To her she is just skirting the edges of dress, but to the on looker she has an open invitation for ( attracting , what others men especially enjoy seeing in a young woman... someone vulnerable, and easy for further victimization ) character judgements and wrong understanding. The victum rarely is aware of the impression they present.

All you can do is tell them what you know and believe and let them work it out. Counseling is never to late. We all could use some one way or another.

Carrie you care that is the beginning of healing, for them. I'm hoping the best for them and the situation they are trapped in. :grouphug:

Thank you Hodee for understanding.

carriemonet i know this topic is old but i wanted to put my input on this. sometimes as parents we tend to say just pray on the matter. prayer alone is not going to work. that why i made the comment for soblessed poem. i'm glad she's speaking on the subject because it needs to be talked about. if that sort of thing happens to my girl. i will get the help they need instead of pretending it never happen. being molested at a young age messes you up. you cant discern sex from love. its a need that has to be met. i seen on the show starting over that most women cant experience orgasm or sexual satisfaction. i believe it to be true because your focusing on getting that feeling to be left with nothing but disappointments. so i suggest you take matters into your hands and get the help needed. mama aint gonna ever comes to grip over this and now it now lies in your hands to do so. pan one time started a thread about so many unwed mothers i became a little irate because noone choose to be unwed. sometimes were just been dealt a wrong hand in life and must face it alone.

My cousin has 3 girls.
Her two oldest girls were sexually abused by their natural father when they were 11 & 6. She has since re-married and has a new husband. My cousin made a decision to avoid getting psychological help for her girls, choosing instead to pray about it.

Today her oldest daughter is 22 and has been involved in really strange relationships with men. She had a son at age 18 by a white man who was 15 years older than her that she met off the internet. Now she is about to marry another older man who seems to be very controlling almost bordering abuse.

The other daughter is now 17 and dresses like she should be standing on the street corner.

I am not judging my cousin or her kids, I just wonder if she should have gone about handling their abuse differently. It seemed like after she found out they had been sexually abused, she just swept it under the rug and prayed...but never really acknowledge what happened to the girls. It's pretty evident they are both suffering. Just wondered if anyone has had similar incidences in their family...and how they handled it.

This post is going to be very personal and very hard for me to write so please excuse all the grammatical errors and mispellings.... Although it will be hard I want to share my story with my desetee family. Life is all about learning and no one person can experience everything it takes to sustain themselves in life. So... here it goes....

I was raped at 15 by my 18-year-old boyfriend. It was four of us, two couples, getting ready for a party. We were at the other guy's house. Let's call him C. Well, C and his girlfriend, my cousin, went to the store and left us alone. I went into the sewing room in the house looking for a table cloth. My then boyfriend followed me into the room, forced me down, held sewing shears to my neck and assaulted me. I begged him. I cried. I fought him; but he was too strong for me. After awhile I just lay there in my own blood and tears; i was a virgin. It took C and my cousin forever to get back... by that time my then boyfriend had left me there to 'clean myself up'.. his words...
And if I told anyone he would kill me. I didn't tell a soul until I was 19 years old and he was accused of raping a 12-year-old girl.
I was so ashamed i didn't speak on it. I withdrew from the world. I didn't eat, rarely spoke to people. And for the rest of the school year he taunted me. He even went to school and told people we had slept together. LIKE I HAD SOME SAY IN HIM RAPING ME!
Rape can do a lot to women; but for me it completely took my confidance in life, in men, and more importantly in myself. It had a big hand in my marriage to a man who beat me on a daily basis. It's why I have a difficult time maintaining a relationship with men. It's why after the incident for years I would cry after sex or be violently ill. It's why I couldn't have an orgasm until I was around 25-- ten years after it happened. Then there are things that I will never understand... am trying to grasp but I cannot... like why as a rape victim I can only be truly sexually satisfied if I am being dominated.
Like I said.. on a grand scale the ramifications cannot even be idealized. I blamed myself for the rape of that little girl for years. I still feel blame in her situation. Now she is wheel chair bound, brain damaged and she will never be able to have children. In my mind all of that happened because I was too ashamed, too weak to speak up...
We all have our cross to bare. I chose then to be quiet. Now, I am choosing to speak up so that you friend's children and women like them can be helped. If you have never been sexually assaulted you can never understand the ramifications of that incident. NEVER. In their actions those girls are crying out for help. Their cry may be differnent than mine; nonetheless it hurts like hell.
My situation was not the same as theirs. I cannot even remotely wrap my mind around what the incest factor plays in their lives. I am not underminding prayer. I prayed everyday for the Lord to lift that burden from my chest and it never happened. The Lord can and will help you; but first you have to help yourself.
Maybe your friend can deal with the situaiton through prayer; but it obviously didn't work for the girls. And for sure prayer and ignoring the issue did not work for me. I called a rape hotline. That helped a quite a bit; but my true breathrough in the assualt happened when i went to see a psychiatrist. Sometimes... in order to truly put prospective on a situation you have to sit back and allow someone else to tell you what they see. my psychiatrist opened my eyes to some blantant issues i had going on in my life.
undoubtedly, the girls will live with that pain and in some degree the shame of the abuse for the rest of their lives; however not addressing the issue, not talking about the issue is like saying that it never happened. And it may sound strange but acting like it didn't happened caused me to relive that day... everyday... over and over... while awake and while dreaming.... for YEARS.
Past your loyality and love for this woman as a friend.... Insist that these girls get help. The assault can and will shape them for the rest of their lives. They need help before the ramifications of it all is almost irreversible and/or they self destruct.

just my thoughts sister... whatever the end result.... good luck... and i'll pray for you and them....

you know i feel your pain sometimes all i could do is relive the moments in my dreams. he have messed me up its time i stop talking third person and admit. im the girl who wrote he took a piece of me. i wish i could find my attacker and put him behind bars because i know he hasnt stopped. my mom also was in denial and told me to pray. prayer wasnt enough i still havent sought counseling. your rite others don't know what we have to get through. it messes with you mentally, physically and sexually. it took me getting with the right man to experience true orgasm, and now i cant stop. i love the man whom i with he knows my past and i told him everything. he accepts me for me and i love him for that.

Nevar... my sister.. i wish i could reach across the miles and hug you, hold you because our souls know each other. I feel your pain...
I just don't tell people about it; but i am not ashamed of it anymore either. it's strange to say now but I use to think that talking about it would hurt me more than anything; but in fact it was the silence that almost killed me... by using my voice... by using your voice... by using our voice...we set ourselves FREE...

here's to freedom my sister....
((((((((((((((((((((hugs and kisses))))))))))))))))))))

i just recieved the love from you and it feels good at this point. i truly love you my newly found kindred sista. i think through fate we was suppose to meet this way so we could get ova our pain. i embrace with open arms my sista.!!!!!!!!!!!!:kiss1: :kiss1: :kiss1: i wish i could give you my number so we could talk one on one. if you like to talk to me personally let me know ok.

IfUComeSoftly :grouphug: Nevar :grouphug:

God Bless you both for sharing your stories...

Much Peace & Love,

Akilah :heart:

This post is going to be very personal and very hard for me to write so please excuse all the grammatical errors and mispellings.... Although it will be hard I want to share my story with my desetee family. Life is all about learning and no one person can experience everything it takes to sustain themselves in life. So... here it goes....

I was raped at 15 by my 18-year-old boyfriend. It was four of us, two couples, getting ready for a party. We were at the other guy's house. Let's call him C. Well, C and his girlfriend, my cousin, went to the store and left us alone. I went into the sewing room in the house looking for a table cloth. My then boyfriend followed me into the room, forced me down, held sewing shears to my neck and assaulted me. I begged him. I cried. I fought him; but he was too strong for me. After awhile I just lay there in my own blood and tears; i was a virgin. It took C and my cousin forever to get back... by that time my then boyfriend had left me there to 'clean myself up'.. his words...
And if I told anyone he would kill me. I didn't tell a soul until I was 19 years old and he was accused of raping a 12-year-old girl.
I was so ashamed i didn't speak on it. I withdrew from the world. I didn't eat, rarely spoke to people. And for the rest of the school year he taunted me. He even went to school and told people we had slept together. LIKE I HAD SOME SAY IN HIM RAPING ME!
Rape can do a lot to women; but for me it completely took my confidance in life, in men, and more importantly in myself. It had a big hand in my marriage to a man who beat me on a daily basis. It's why I have a difficult time maintaining a relationship with men. It's why after the incident for years I would cry after sex or be violently ill. It's why I couldn't have an orgasm until I was around 25-- ten years after it happened. Then there are things that I will never understand... am trying to grasp but I cannot... like why as a rape victim I can only be truly sexually satisfied if I am being dominated.
Like I said.. on a grand scale the ramifications cannot even be idealized. I blamed myself for the rape of that little girl for years. I still feel blame in her situation. Now she is wheel chair bound, brain damaged and she will never be able to have children. In my mind all of that happened because I was too ashamed, too weak to speak up...
We all have our cross to bare. I chose then to be quiet. Now, I am choosing to speak up so that you friend's children and women like them can be helped. If you have never been sexually assaulted you can never understand the ramifications of that incident. NEVER. In their actions those girls are crying out for help. Their cry may be differnent than mine; nonetheless it hurts like hell.
My situation was not the same as theirs. I cannot even remotely wrap my mind around what the incest factor plays in their lives. I am not underminding prayer. I prayed everyday for the Lord to lift that burden from my chest and it never happened. The Lord can and will help you; but first you have to help yourself.
Maybe your friend can deal with the situaiton through prayer; but it obviously didn't work for the girls. And for sure prayer and ignoring the issue did not work for me. I called a rape hotline. That helped a quite a bit; but my true breathrough in the assualt happened when i went to see a psychiatrist. Sometimes... in order to truly put prospective on a situation you have to sit back and allow someone else to tell you what they see. my psychiatrist opened my eyes to some blantant issues i had going on in my life.
undoubtedly, the girls will live with that pain and in some degree the shame of the abuse for the rest of their lives; however not addressing the issue, not talking about the issue is like saying that it never happened. And it may sound strange but acting like it didn't happened caused me to relive that day... everyday... over and over... while awake and while dreaming.... for YEARS.
Past your loyality and love for this woman as a friend.... Insist that these girls get help. The assault can and will shape them for the rest of their lives. They need help before the ramifications of it all is almost irreversible and/or they self destruct.

just my thoughts sister... whatever the end result.... good luck... and i'll pray for you and them....
I also have a story...
If you read Her Innocence was Stolen and Fourteen
That is my story
IFUCOMESOFTLY, I truly understand I felt the need to tell you that the other females that were assulted IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
I will say it again. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
You were still a child, not knowing what to do. Not understanding what and how this could ,you were confused, consumed with shame.
You were not WEAK because you chose not to speak up.
You were a child!
You were a child!
As I was.
You story has truly touched my heart
I can feel the pain you are still in from this horrible violation.
Know that you are not alone
Your story WILL HELP OTHERS!!!!!
It will help others to see.
See there is hope
To see they can get through it.
The burden they don't have to carry alone..
I love you sista....

you know i feel your pain sometimes all i could do is relive the moments in my dreams. he have messed me up its time i stop talking third person and admit. im the girl who wrote he took a piece of me. i wish i could find my attacker and put him behind bars because i know he hasnt stopped. my mom also was in denial and told me to pray. prayer wasnt enough i still havent sought counseling. your rite others don't know what we have to get through. it messes with you mentally, physically and sexually. it took me getting with the right man to experience true orgasm, and now i cant stop. i love the man whom i with he knows my past and i told him everything. he accepts me for me and i love him for that.

Sista nevar
I also have not sought counseling. I do know what you go. It truly does mess you up mentally,emotionally and physically. I also feel your pain I have been raped over 6 by 3 different people. I am a survivor. Through my poetry I can release the pain. It is a healing for me.
To know I am not alone here Is a wonderful feeling....
I love sista nevar

I also have a story...
If you read Her Innocence was Stolen and Fourteen
That is my story
IFUCOMESOFTLY, I truly understand I felt the need to tell you that the other females that were assulted IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
I will say it again. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
You were still a child, not knowing what to do. Not understanding what and how this could ,you were confused, consumed with shame.
You were not WEAK because you chose not to speak up.
You were a child!
You were a child!
As I was.
You story has truly touched my heart
I can feel the pain you are still in from this horrible violation.
Know that you are not alone
Your story WILL HELP OTHERS!!!!!
It will help others to see.
See there is hope
To see they can get through it.
The burden they don't have to carry alone..
I love you sista....

thank you sister... that's why tell it... b/c rape's power is in silence... i will not be silenced any longer....

(((((((((((((((((((((hugs & kisses)))))))))))))))))))))

:luvu: You are most welcome sista:grouphug:

mama always said to find some way to get over it. just about three weeks ago i dreamed of him. he tortured me in my sleep till i was afraid to close my eyes. my baby tried to comfort me as much as he could. i was assualted not once but twice by a family member whom i havent disclose to my mother. because she will be sadden by me saying that. she always saying whats wrong with you cant you do better. i know i could but something that was meant to be as a whole was taken away. its call my innocence as a young girl. i learned the cycle continue i found out i wasnt the only victim in my family. it seems to me i believe i'm so sexual because in a twisted sense i gots to have it. to fulfill an empty need. i learn as i got older to control these urges. but they come out with him my man. sometimes i shy away from him. he dont understand me he thinks i'm funny with it. i just go through these empty feelings. ifucomesoftly thats why i felt i can relate to you when you said all you think about is sex. the same for me i told him he brought it out of me. thats why majority of my writes are sensual. i can relate more to it. as a family we should get to know a person before we condemn them. i understand some of the things i say are nasty but ask yourself what may have caused her nasty mind. just like when i collab with rich its gives me some satisfaction. not that im using him but do ya'll get what i'm saying. i think us sista were meant to meet this way to get over the pain, and humilation we all suffered. and now its time for us to put the pain away and start the healing. its not gonna happen for me today or tomorrow. im gonna do it one day at a time are you with me my new sista. i'm with ya till death come take me away!!!!!!
lets hug to
NEW BEGINNING!!!!!!!!! TO MY NEW BLOOD SISTA'S SOBLESSED, IFUCOMESOFTLY I LOVE YA'LL.

I myself was molested by my father and stepfather and uncle and best friends cousin. Not the entire sexual act but an invasion of my privacy.
I talked to my mother about it when it happened with my stepfather. her answer was you know we don't have anywhere else to go, are you sure it happened? My answer was no, I was 11yrs old happy and free until this happened.
I don't know what world we are living in today but if I ever find out this happened to mine, mother****** don't have to worry about justice because I'm going to kill that mother****** dead and when he's dead I'll kill him again. I'll even do the time!
There is no excuse and no explanation for a child molestor. How dare he/she take the innocense of a child and the spirit that molds her.
It's an abomonation!

to cursed heart let the law and god handle it. don't do time for him. cause in the end he'll win. just make sure your girls don't be around the ones who violated you. pay attention to the signs. even tho the crime had been done along time ago if you suspect hes messing with your kids. you can add your crime he committed to you and they will put his sorry tail for good. i want to embrace my arms out to you and let you know you got a friend in me. let the law handle him and in due time god will too.

Thank you Nevar:kiss1:
You're right and I watch my baby like the FBI.
She's my angel!

im glad you had a changed of heart my sista.:kiss1: