Okay, there seems to be an abundance of topics that discuss what is wrong with the black family; for example, divorce, self-hate, AIDS, single parent families just to name a few. In light of these tragic events, I would like to ask a question to all the single black females out there…

How many of you ladies would allow yourself to be courted by a married man who had intentions of marrying them?

By that, I mean marry and provide, care, protect and love them for the rest of his life and before I forget his current wife supports this decision (AKA no bullet to the head :D ).

This topic I believe is relevant since I see a variety of responses to the very popular Polygamy thread.

Don't forget to mention why you would or why you would not.

Thanks,

Hello Stepup and Welcome :wave:

I've read a few of your posts and am glad you've joined us. I see there's no need to say "make yourself at home," 'cause you've done that already! Very Good!

To answer your question, at this point in my life, i don't think i'd let a married man court me. While i'm not against polygamy, as i do believe it is a viable option for many, i don't know enough about it, or me in it, to let a man "court me" with the intentions of marrying me, to be one of his wives. I've simply not embraced it to that degree. I think what's more likely to be acceptable for me, is a friendship with a Family ... and after i've seen and learned more up close and personal the dynamics of such a relationship ... and i liked it ... i might be able to be courted. Even then, it seems the focus would not be, he and i courting, but all of us, to some degree. I don't know what the word for that would be, but it seems the relationship between the wive(s) and myself would be more important to establish, than he and i. I have no idea. I don't personally know anyone involved in such a living arrangement. Do you?

Great question!

:heart:

Destee

The whole idea just seems so primitive; I could never participate in such an arrangement. It’s enough work to get a man that is committed to only you to fulfill your every need and desire, sharing him with another woman (or women) would be a recipe for disaster.

For me to be open to this kind of lifestyle I would have to be emotionally, psychologically, morally and ethically removed from consciousness on multiple levels; completely turned off, mechanical. I’m not an authority on the subject but I know enough to know it wouldn’t be right for someone like me.

Interesting topic but that boat would never float; it’s riddled with holes.

Are you aware of any African Americans that currently practice this lifestyle? If so I would love to read more about it, if there were children involved and the development of the child, particularly.

I would have to be emotionally, psychologically, morally and ethically removed from consciousness on multiple levels

i think they call this "dead" Sister Angelic :lol:

:heart:

Destee

Step-up check out Amun-Ra's thread on polygamy on his forum...it has some pretty interested views. There is also another thread on this issue on the Sister forum.

It is very sad that we have been so brainwashed that even when something sounds logical on ALL accounts we still push it away. This society has done a perfect job on most of us. I applaud all those involved. :(

The above is not based on this thread just based upon my experiences as a whole.

As stated in Amun-Ra's thread, polygamy is not for a weak man. The man HAS to be able to take care of more than one household. Men (I mean REAL men) in the room know just how hard it is to take care of a family today. A man's job is to provide, protect, love and lead the family. In these times with so many elements trying to take you out it is VERY hard to accomplish these objectives with success. Now imagine that same man performing the same duties for another family too.

The question I have is why do some get so emotional regarding a man that is taking care of both families correctly. Yet, these very same ones don't get emotional when we discuss the man playing women like checkers. Why? Because it is the norm or at least that is what is portrayed by t.v. and music. The man that sleeps around on his wife is a norm. The man who has 8 children and doesn't take care of one is a norm. The man who just lies around complaining to his mom I can't get a job is a norm. The man who just smokes blunts and jokes and dreams about being a rapper is a norm.

I will be the first to say polygamy would be very hard in this country. The amount of ridicule would be great, yet that would not deter those who feel it to be a necessary option to save our great black family. Most will sit on their hands while we continue to bury our young mentally. Sooner or later some will stand up and finally say I WILL BE THE ONE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!


Panafrica, thanks for the thread suggestion, I just finished reading it and it was a very good read.

Angelicsage, why is it filled with so many holes? The children would benefit from polygamy more than we could ever imagine. Imagine 3 or more parents all raising a child. Do you realize the power that child would realize once mature?! Polygamy would be the village that would raise that child to be a MAN (KING) or WOMAN (QUEEN). The chances of that child being taken out by the system (you know the system – the one that taught us Columbus discovered America) would be slim to none.

Destee
No, I do not know of anyone currently practicing polygamy. And this feels like home :D

You said: It is very sad that we have been so brainwashed that even when something sounds logical on ALL accounts we still push it away.

Help me understand o' wise one. You asked our opinion about polygamy...

How many of you ladies would allow yourself to be courted by a married man who had intentions of marrying them?

Your question was respectfully answered and then you come back and tell us we're brainwashed? Oh come on now. You are not currently practicing polygamy yourself, so what does that make you?

A man's job is to provide, protect, love and lead the family. In these times with so many elements trying to take you out it is VERY hard to accomplish these objectives with success.

True, so why give a man 8 wives? Will this make these objectives any easier to accomplish?

I guess I'll add my 2 cents to this convo. :D

I don't choose polygamy for me. And, by the way, it's not because I ain't man enough either. :lol: I don't feel it is the solution to our problems as a people. Individual problems...maybe. For the problems our people face, I think not. Polygamy will not put a dent in racism or white supremacy.

What problems our people have currently will be solved by partaking in polygamy? What are the benefits of being in a polygamous situation?

I know someone who has lived has a polygamist. We have this discussion frequently. She can't convince me to save her life. :D

I don't think I could do the polygomy thing. I like having just one woman when I'm in a relationship. Maybe it would be cool for a little while, but then I look at it like this: Why would I want to have a group of women yelling, complaining and giving the silent treatment when one is bad enough. :nono:
Then I have to deal with PMS x (or whatever the number of wives are). No way. :lol: On the real though, I don't see how things would be better. One good woman is enough for me. Then we can concentrate on really making eachother happy without worrying about the other 4 wives that feel neglected.....cause I would have my favorite one if I happened to do it. Plus, there will probably be issues that arise that wouldn't be there with only one mate. Everything comes with it's headaches.

It is very sad that we have been so brainwashed that even when something sounds logical on ALL accounts we still push it away. This society has done a perfect job on most of us. I applaud all those involved. :(

The above is not based on this thread just based upon my experiences as a whole.

What is your experience with polygamy, if you don't mind sharing?

:heart:

Destee

How can anyone respond to this question intelligently the way that it is phrased? In my humble opinion, first of all the question has nothing to do with polygamy as I've grown to understand it; AND, you have not set the proper framework in which to consider the concept of polygamy as a viable option for "ladies" to consider.

How many of you ladies would allow yourself to be courted by a married man who had intentions of marrying them? Now I'm about to get a bit picky as I consider this question.

First, I don't favor the word "lady" because it reeks of europeanism and I reject the definition of a "lady." I'm not a prissy person.

Second, within what social construct are you asking whether I, a woman, would allow myself to be courted by a married man? Your question doesn't give enough detail for me to really get deep into what you're asking. For example, within what social construct would I be living in order to entertain such an idea? Monogamy....polygamy....polyandry? Without much detail at this time, I'm going to assume you mean in our current society. My answer to your question then would be, no, I would NOT allow myself to be "courted" by a married man whether he had intentions of marrying me or not. That would be disrespectful to me and his wife and my opinion of him would be that he was a slug.

Please don't assume that this gives you any idea about my thoughts on polygamy because it doesn't. If you want to rephrase your question and give more detail in your scenario, I'd be more than happy to share that with you. :)

Queenie :spinstar:

P.S. By the way, I find it interesting that you addressed your question specifically to the women yet men are in the pool of responses. :lol:

WOW! What a room! Okay I will take this one step at a time and address you all individually….

Joyce


Help me understand o' wise one. You asked our opinion about polygamy...

I won't address this comment as I think we'd only get involved in a flame war which is not what you or I want or are here for.

Your question was respectfully answered and then you come back and tell us we're brainwashed? Oh come on now. You are not currently practicing polygamy yourself, so what does that make you?

Did I say you all were brainwashed? I said and I quote:
The above is not based on this thread just based upon my experiences as a whole. If you felt it was a direct attack then maybe uh…..you have a guilty conscious. As for me practicing polygamy currently I am not, but I am presently trying to court a young lady whom I feel may be a good fit for my family. I don't know what it makes me, maybe you'd like to tell me?

True, so why give a man 8 wives? Will this make these objectives any easier to accomplish?

Okay, this is not to be mean or anything but did you REALLY read what I typed? If so, you'd know I never said anything about 8 wives. Myself I think two is a good start and finish. Again, reading would have yielded you to know that I am very much aware how hard and difficult it will truly be. I believe there are some things worth fighting for no matter how hard or difficult and the great black family is one such thing.


Monetary

I guess I'll add my 2 cents to this convo.

Any thing added is always beneficial. Thanks!

I don't choose polygamy for me. And, by the way, it's not because I ain't man enough either. I don't feel it is the solution to our problems as a people. Individual problems...maybe. For the problems our people face, I think not. Polygamy will not put a dent in racism or white supremacy.

I have to disagree a little with your comment. I don't think it will solve ALL of our problems but I think it is a step in the right direction. As for it ending racism or white supremacy, I am not worried about those things. I only worry about our condition and what it does and continues to do to our new emerging minds.

What problems our people have currently will be solved by partaking in polygamy? What are the benefits of being in a polygamous situation?

Again, I think most importantly polygamy would assist in creating a better home environment for the children. It goes back to the village concept.

I know someone who has lived has a polygamist. We have this discussion frequently. She can't convince me to save her life.

Interesting, so you have a first hand view of such an arrangement. Does it seem to work for them?


Kente417mojo

I don't think I could do the polygomy thing. I like having just one woman when I'm in a relationship. Maybe it would be cool for a little while, but then I look at it like this: Why would I want to have a group of women yelling, complaining and giving the silent treatment when one is bad enough. Then I have to deal with PMS x (or whatever the number of wives are). No way. On the real though, I don't see how things would be better. One good woman is enough for me. Then we can concentrate on really making each other happy without worrying about the other 4 wives that feel neglected.....cause I would have my favorite one if I happened to do it. Plus, there will probably be issues that arise that wouldn't be there with only one mate. Everything comes with it's headaches.

Polygamy is not for everyone. Though I hope you were joking about the PMS thing. Sisters are not that bad. At least the ones I dated were not.


Destee

What is your experience with polygamy, if you don't mind sharing?

Hello Destee. None, though I am presently seeking out such a relationship. Well, I guess it would be bigamy though….


NNQueen

How can anyone respond to this question intelligently the way that it is phrased? In my humble opinion, first of all the question has nothing to do with polygamy as I've grown to understand it; AND, you have not set the proper framework in which to consider the concept of polygamy as a viable option for "ladies" to consider.

Well, there have been several who have responded to the question intelligently. So why don't you ask them if it is too difficult for you. Framework? What? I referenced the other Polygamy thread. The post began as a; what would you do post, nothing more, nothing less.

Now I'm about to get a bit picky as I consider this question.

First, I don't favor the word "lady" because it reeks of europeanism and I reject the definition of a "lady." I'm not a prissy person.


Well, I give you this you were not lying about being picky. But fine, I see your point let me re-phrase the question:

How many of you QUEENS would allow yourself to be courted by a married man who had intentions of marrying them?

Second, within what social construct are you asking whether I, a woman, would allow myself to be courted by a married man? Your question doesn't give enough detail for me to really get deep into what you're asking. For example, within what social construct would I be living in order to entertain such an idea? Monogamy....polygamy....polyandry? Without much detail at this time, I'm going to assume you mean in our current society. My answer to your question then would be, no, I would NOT allow myself to be "courted" by a married man whether he had intentions of marrying me or not. That would be disrespectful to me and his wife and my opinion of him would be that he was a slug.

WHAT? I am sorry but this is TOO funny, I just had to laugh at what you typed. My dear Queen, the question is supposed to be general and non-specific. The only thing I assumed to be known was the current society. What other society would I be talking about? In AfriKa, maybe Asia oh I know maybe in the 1300s in Scotland. Yeah, this current society. The question was meant for you to say I would if this happened or maybe if that happened or just no I just would not do it. Simple as that! :D

Please don't assume that this gives you any idea about my thoughts on polygamy because it doesn't. If you want to rephrase your question and give more detail in your scenario, I'd be more than happy to share that with you.

I never assume I know all about a person from one interaction so no worries there my dear Queen.

P.S. By the way, I find it interesting that you addressed your question specifically to the women yet men are in the pool of responses.

Yeah, I think that is pretty funny too. :D


Okay I think I responded to everyone. If not let me know....

The question was meant for you to say I would if this happened or maybe if that happened or just no I just would not do it. Simple as that! :D

:lol: Is anything ever quite that simple? I've learned never to say what you would or won't do because life is bound to make you a liar. After much consideration and revolutionary thinking...and under the proper social construct, I could give polygamy considerable thought.

Queenie :D

Stepup ... i think you did a BEAUTIFUL job responding to all the comments! :toast:

Especially considering, we aint easy! :wink:

:heart:

Destee

Polygamy is Too Expensive; thus, you can count me out.

Yeah, Polygamy can be very expensive. However, having more than one or two incomes helps ALOT!

I figured I had to come somewhat correct in this forum. I am glad you liked the way I responded. :D

Come on now, if we wait for the perfect time we'd do nothing. Such circumstances do not exist. Give me your honest thought. A man who is married approaches you in a very good manner and lets you know his intentions. He is educated and well mannered. He is intelligent and looks great (to you :D). What do you do?

Polygamy is Too Expensive; thus, you can count me out.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I don't choose polygamy for me. And, by the way, it's not because I ain't man enough either. I don't feel it is the solution to our problems as a people. Individual problems...maybe. For the problems our people face, I think not. Polygamy will not put a dent in racism or white supremacy.

I have to disagree a little with your comment. I don't think it will solve ALL of our problems but I think it is a step in the right direction. As for it ending racism or white supremacy, I am not worried about those things. I only worry about our condition and what it does and continues to do to our new emerging minds.

You still haven't stated how polygamy is a step in the right direction. smh

You're not worried about racism/white supremacy? But you're worried about our condition. Our condition exists because of many factors. The biggest one being racism/white supremacy. smh

What problems our people have currently will be solved by partaking in polygamy? What are the benefits of being in a polygamous situation?[/QUOTE=Monetary]

[QUOTE=stepup]Again, I think most importantly polygamy would assist in creating a better home environment for the children. It goes back to the village concept.[/QUOTE=stepup]

If it goes back to the village concept, then why don't we just implement the village concept instead of it's variant?

[QUOTE=Monetary]I know someone who has lived has a polygamist. We have this discussion frequently. She can't convince me to save her life.

Interesting, so you have a first hand view of such an arrangement. Does it seem to work for them?

No. Let's just say the brotha didn't quite buy into it from the perspective of saving our kids via the village concept.

P.S. By the way, I find it interesting that you addressed your question specifically to the women yet men are in the pool of responses. :lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

We didn't have anything else to do? :lol: :D

And....we have an opinion on our Sistas.

Hell, woman, I don't know. Go back to my first comment. :lol:

Come on now, if we wait for the perfect time we'd do nothing. Such circumstances do not exist. Give me your honest thought.

True, circumstances do not exist, but don't you agree that in this type of situation, the BEST circumstances should exist BEFORE you take on a lifestyle that is not universally accepted or viewed? Case in point, is polygamy considered LEGAL in this society? Yes or No?

A man who is married approaches you in a very good manner and lets you know his intentions. He is educated and well mannered. He is intelligent and looks great (to you :D). What do you do?

Let me be clear--I am not opposed to polygamy. What I would be opposed to is if the man in your scenario was to step up to me and invite me to become a part of a polygamous relationship when the society at large does not and won't support it.

In modern times, if I'm married, I want the full legal benefit of that marriage, as I'm sure everyone in the relationship will want also. If the man should die before the wives, then legally, how is the property and benefits disbursed? How are the wives and the children protected from the state?

Anyway, I figured you just wanted to know whether anyone was for or against polygamy which is why I stated my opinion first. But then, all else must be considered if someone was to entertain this type of relationship seriously.

Question: What makes a polygamous relationship "too" expensive? Couldn't it all balance itself out in the end? For example, what if all members were gainfully employed? There's no edict that states that women can't work outside the home in a multiple relationship is there?

Queenie :spinstar:

You still haven't stated how polygamy is a step in the right direction. smh

You're not worried about racism/white supremacy? But you're worried about our condition. Our condition exists because of many factors. The biggest one being racism/white supremacy. smh


I thought I mentioned that fostering a child's development is a step in the right direction.

No, not really, I am more concerned about our condition and us. Worrying about them requires that my brain be focused on them rather than helping our condition. My time is way to valuable to be worried about them.

No. Let's just say the brotha didn't quite buy into it from the perspective of saving our kids via the village concept.

I guess he was/is still approaching it from the physical nature?


True, circumstances do not exist, but don't you agree that in this type of situation, the BEST circumstances should exist BEFORE you take on a lifestyle that is not universally accepted or viewed? Case in point, is polygamy considered LEGAL in this society? Yes or No?

I guess I would not really agree. I am coming from this standpoint: Just b/c it is not universally accepted or viewed does not mean it should not occur. I don't subscribe to the wait until all are on the boat philosophy. I mean think about it for a minute - what about those slaves that read when the rest of society frowned upon it. What about the blacks that fought for separate but equal facilities when society as a whole frowned upon it? Just b/c something is frowned upon by society does not necessarily make it a bad thing. Especially in this type of society where women are degraded on every channel and more emphasis is put on war and money than people's welfare.


Let me be clear--I am not opposed to polygamy. What I would be opposed to is if the man in your scenario was to step up to me and invite me to become a part of a polygamous relationship when the society at large does not and won't support it.

Let me get this straight, though you are not opposed to polygamy you would not be part of such a relationship b/c society won't support it? Why do you give society so much strength in your decision making process, especially a society that has treated you, the Queen of earth, so poorly?


In modern times, if I'm married, I want the full legal benefit of that marriage, as I'm sure everyone in the relationship will want also. If the man should die before the wives, then legally, how is the property and benefits disbursed? How are the wives and the children protected from the state?

First and foremost all parties MUST be working toward a common goal. There are families that do not fight when parents die and there are families that do fight when parents die. All parties in the relationship need to be open and thoroughly discuss such a topic as it is reality. Again, I don't practice this way of life. I am actively seeking such though and when I cross that road I will let you know :D


Anyway, I figured you just wanted to know whether anyone was for or against polygamy, which is why I stated my opinion first. But then, all else must be considered if someone was to entertain this type of relationship seriously.

No, I want to know would YOU consider polygamy if a man you were attracted to wanted to court you?

Question: What makes a polygamous relationship "too" expensive? Couldn't it all balance itself out in the end? For example, what if all members were gainfully employed? There's no edict that states that women can't work outside the home in a multiple relationship is there?

In my opinion, the expensive nature could come from possibly two or more homes (two or more households). It would be more ideal if one house was used, but I don't think that is realistic, in might be though. Debt of the other parties is inherited so that also comes into play. And yes, I think if all members were gainfully employed it would make it much more bearable, expense-wise.

An Answer to Queen's Question:

In a majority of polgymay situations, usually the husband takes care of all the brides, a working woman aint fend to go for sharing no husband and no bills, especially a working Black Woman.

True, circumstances do not exist, but don't you agree that in this type of situation, the BEST circumstances should exist BEFORE you take on a lifestyle that is not universally accepted or viewed? Case in point, is polygamy considered LEGAL in this society? Yes or No?

I guess I would not really agree. I am coming from this standpoint: Just b/c it is not universally accepted or viewed does not mean it should not occur. I don't subscribe to the wait until all are on the boat philosophy. I mean think about it for a minute - what about those slaves that read when the rest of society frowned upon it. What about the blacks that fought for separate but equal facilities when society as a whole frowned upon it? Just b/c something is frowned upon by society does not necessarily make it a bad thing. Especially in this type of society where women are degraded on every channel and more emphasis is put on war and money than people's welfare.

This is why I asked you earlier whether this is a "make believe" society or our current social construct. You assume too much from my responses Step Up, therefore your arguments are not relevant to the points that I made.


Let me be clear--I am not opposed to polygamy. What I would be opposed to is if the man in your scenario was to step up to me and invite me to become a part of a polygamous relationship when the society at large does not and won't support it.

Let me get this straight, though you are not opposed to polygamy you would not be part of such a relationship b/c society won't support it? Why do you give society so much strength in your decision making process, especially a society that has treated you, the Queen of earth, so poorly?

Again, you miss the point that I made. I'm living in reality not a fantasy. Who said that I give society so much strength in my decision making process? We have choices my friend--to either live within or outside the law. As far as being involved in a polygamous relationship at this point in time, I would much rather spend my time fighting oppression in this country a different way...living outside the law and subjecting myself and family to the whims of a prejudiced social system as far as my relationship goes, is not something that I will choose to do regardless of how supportive and understanding I am about the values of polygamy. Please don't assume that you know what my motivations and thinking are just because I provide a simple answer to a simple question. Maybe...just maybe...a better argument would be that those that see the value of polygamy become more politically active in terms of influencing the status quo to get it legalized. What do you think?

Anyway, I figured you just wanted to know whether anyone was for or against polygamy, which is why I stated my opinion first. But then, all else must be considered if someone was to entertain this type of relationship seriously.

No, I want to know would YOU consider polygamy if a man you were attracted to wanted to court you?

Then you received my answer.

Question: What makes a polygamous relationship "too" expensive? Couldn't it all balance itself out in the end? For example, what if all members were gainfully employed? There's no edict that states that women can't work outside the home in a multiple relationship is there?

In my opinion, the expensive nature could come from possibly two or more homes (two or more households). It would be more ideal if one house was used, but I don't think that is realistic, in might be though. Debt of the other parties is inherited so that also comes into play. And yes, I think if all members were gainfully employed it would make it much more bearable, expense-wise.

Interesting. Thank you for the reply.

Queenie :spinstar:

This is why I asked you earlier whether this is a "make believe" society or our current social construct. You assume too much from my responses Step Up, therefore your arguments are not relevant to the points that I made.

Again, I stated that it is the current society and not Mr. Roger's neighborhood. I assumed nothing, you stated your thoughts and I simply responded with mine.

Again, you miss the point that I made. I'm living in reality not a fantasy. Who said that I give society so much strength in my decision making process? We have choices my friend--to either live within or outside the law. As far as being involved in a polygamous relationship at this point in time, I would much rather spend my time fighting oppression in this country a different way...living outside the law and subjecting myself and family to the whims of a prejudiced social system as far as my relationship goes, is not something that I will choose to do regardless of how supportive and understanding I am about the values of polygamy. Please don't assume that you know what my motivations and thinking are just because I provide a simple answer to a simple question. Maybe...just maybe...a better argument would be that those that see the value of polygamy become more politically active in terms of influencing the status quo to get it legalized. What do you think?

What point? We both live in reality, I hope. Law? It was a law that we could not read! I guess if we lived back then we both should not read b/c it was the law? Come on now get real! I make choices to try to do what is right regardless if it is the law or not. If this society's laws, that REAL society that continues to oppress certain people, binds you then this is where we differ.

You seem to be bent on the fact I will judge you b/c of an answer, this I will never do. So don't worry. :D

The last point in your paragraph may work but to me that is asking for permission to do the right thing. I don't have the patience to follow the yellow brick road and jump through hoops for this REAL society. Time is running out and I plan to do what I can in the time I have on this earth.

Then you received my answer.

Okay, thanks!

Interesting. Thank you for the reply.

Likewise!:D

[I]What point? We both live in reality, I hope. Law? It was a law that we could not read! I guess if we lived back then we both should not read b/c it was the law? Come on now get real! I make choices to try to do what is right regardless if it is the law or not. If this society's laws, that REAL society that continues to oppress certain people, binds you then this is where we differ.

I don't subscribe to your view that choosing to live in a polygamous relationship is the same as having the right to equal treatment under the law as far as learning to read is concerned. The civil right to receive equal treatment under the law and have access to an education as a Black person was in direct correlation to the fact that white people could receive an education and Black people couldn't. In comparison, can white people practice polygamy in the US legally and Black people can't? If so, then I say let's bust through the barrier, break down the walls and fight for our civil right to practice polygamy in this country. :smash:

It appears that you know what you want to do in life Stepup and have every intention of forging ahead no matter what the law says. The difference between us is simply the choices we make, and I am being real. Pursuing a polygamous relationship is simply not high on my list of priorities right now. I think there are other things we as a people can focus our attention on first and who knows, maybe polygamy will become a natural ingredient when we become more unified as a nation of people.

I'm sure you know that what might work for you may not for everyone but I do agree that we need to expand our options and have the freedom to pursue whatever lifestyle that will bring about a more cohesive and healthy community.

You seem to be bent on the fact I will judge you b/c of an answer, this I will never do. So don't worry. :D I can understand if I gave you this impression, but no, I'm not BENT about your opinion of me nor am I worried. My writing may seem shallow to you in that regard but I believe that my constitution runs a little deeper than that. :D

The last point in your paragraph may work but to me that is asking for permission to do the right thing. I don't have the patience to follow the yellow brick road and jump through hoops for this REAL society. Time is running out and I plan to do what I can in the time I have on this earth.

Why do you feel impatient and that time is running out? Is there something that you feel you must do and something is stopping you? You seem so confident so why not just do what you want to do? We each have to pursue our paths in life as we see fit. I applaud you for risking whatever to get what you want and wish you the best of luck.

Queenie :spinstar:

I don't subscribe to your view that choosing to live in a polygamous relationship is the same as having the right to equal treatment under the law as far as learning to read is concerned. The civil right to receive equal treatment under the law and have access to an education as a Black person was in direct correlation to the fact that white people could receive an education and Black people couldn't. In comparison, can white people practice polygamy in the US legally and Black people can't? If so, then I say let's bust through the barrier, break down the walls and fight for our civil right to practice polygamy in this country.

Good point and I would have to agree. I was just using that as an example to illustrate my point of some laws that come from this society are corrupt themselves, that's all.

It appears that you know what you want to do in life Stepup and have every intention of forging ahead no matter what the law says. The difference between us is simply the choices we make, and I am being real. Pursuing a polygamous relationship is simply not high on my list of priorities right now. I think there are other things we as a people can focus our attention on first and who knows, maybe polygamy will become a natural ingredient when we become more unified as a nation of people.

I agree with everything you typed. I also think there are a variety of things not including polygamy that can be done to improve the present situation of the "family".

I'm sure you know that what might work for you may not for everyone but I do agree that we need to expand our options and have the freedom to pursue whatever lifestyle that will bring about a more cohesive and healthy community.

Agreed!

I can understand if I gave you this impression, but no, I'm not BENT about your opinion of me nor am I worried. My writing may seem shallow to you in that regard but I believe that my constitution runs a little deeper than that.

I believe you!

Why do you feel impatient and that time is running out? Is there something that you feel you must do and something is stopping you? You seem so confident so why not just do what you want to do? We each have to pursue our paths in life as we see fit. I applaud you for risking whatever to get what you want and wish you the best of luck.

I am just so tired of seeing the same old things day in and day out. I want to make a change and I feel this is ONE way I can make a difference. It's funny the lady I was talking to was not ready for such an "arrangement" either. I will continue to look on and walk that path.

It seems this has turned into a you and me topic.:D Where is everyone?

I don't know where everyone else is. I'm sure that plenty of people are reading what we write though. It could be that some people don't have enough information about polygamy to speak on it; others are more individualists and don't want any part of it. Either way, I've enjoyed the dialogue with you. Your question forced me to once again inspect my own personal thoughts on the subject and I'm still growing in my understanding of it. My views used to be so narrow when it came to other forms of marital relationships that weren't one-to-one. It took me a moment of reading what those more enlightened had to say about polygamy before I could begin to grasp it's history and potential benefits to a family AND a community. It's refreshing when one's mind expands beyond the confinement of what is dictated to them. Truly knowledge is powerful and access to information is essential to us all.

Peace,
Queenie :spinstar:

I've made an entire litany of replies on the topic. I think I've pretty much exhausted all of my opinions on the subject :peace:

Same here Sekhemu...especially considering that there are 3 different threads about this topic. I've said all I have to say.

I here you all!!

I was not trying to repeat the other threads.

:argue:

My intention was to see if there was a certain way "Queens" would like to be approached with such an idea. :shades:

In my opinion (again :) ) the best way to approach the subject is straightforward. At least that's how I like things which I think is fairly typical of my astrological sign--Libra. Don't beat around the bush, just get to the point. If the sister understands what you're asking, and if she's honest, she'll tell you whether she's amenable to the idea or not.

I keep wondering about this form of partnering though--is it organic or is it social in nature? In other words, are humans biologically designed to partner one-on-one or is that influenced by societal norms?

Queenie

Thanks for the advice, that is what I have been doing. I'll keep it up :spin:

Well, I "believe" it is social. What about you?

I agree with you...it's social conditioning.

Queenie :spinstar:

Peace,

I find it interesting that upon returning to Destee.com that I’m dealing with the same subject that brought me to this wonderful forum roughly one year ago. I find most controversial subjects are usually the most important and maybe the last roadblock to a “free thinking African”.

This idea historically that polygamy is just some sort of inorganic, unnatural social phenomenon IS NOT ROOTED IN FACT. If you study most zoological references to coupling and mating of a majority of mammalians of all types and especially primates you will find an innate proclivity toward polygyny. When you study the majority of peoples and cultures of the ancient (pre-Western/Aryan influenced) world, polygyny is part of their pantheons, theologies, mythologies and overall social make-ups. In cultures where polygamy or polygyny, is or was forbidden, outlawed or im-morally disenfranchised, usually fornication, prostitution, adultery and divorce is or was hypocritically sanctioned and legal, and soon becomes the societal options to all sexual, communal and marital inconsistencies among the sexes.

This subject was posted, about a year ago, referencing the book, “We Want for Our Sisters What We Want for Ourselves”, written by an extraordinary African American female scholar, Prof. Patricia Dixon Ph.D., I hope those who find interest in this subject, would support this warrior-sister’s efforts, by obtaining a copy of this book. Her research is extensive and very thought provoking.


Peace,

Brother Sun Ship :)

I'M SORRY GUYS, BUT THIS IS THE DUMBEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD OF. THIS IS NOT EVEN A REAL OPTION. COME ON, HOW MANY WOMEN IN THIS COUNTRY ARE GOING TO BE COMFORTABLE SHARING A HUSBAND. NOT MANY.
BLACK PEOPLE JUST NEED TO SEARCH THEIR OWN SOULS AND MAKE THEMSELVES THE BEST PERSON THEY CAN BE, AND CHOOSE POTENTIAL MATES REALISTICALLY ( IF YOU'RE A WOMAN WITH A 10TH GRADE EDUCATION AND 3 KIDS, DON'T EXPECT A BROTHER FROM HARVARD WITH NO KIDS TO WANT TO HOOK UP WITH YOU). IF YOU'RE ALL FREAKED OUT BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE THERE'S A SHORTAGE, THERE ARE MANY NON- BLACK PEOPLE OF COLOR FOR YOU TO HAVE RELATIONSHIPS WITH ( LATINA, ASIAN, MIDDLE EASTERN ETC). NO LADIES YOU DON'T HAVE TO HOOK UP WITH THE "WHITE BOY" IF YOU CAN'T FIND THE KIND OF BROTHER YOU WANT. DAMMIT I WENT INTERRACIAL.


THAT'S MY "BIG" OPINION

Sun Ship!!! Welcome back man! Where have you been? You have been sorely missed so I hope you don't vanish again!

the male needs variety.
the female does not.

there you have it. :grouphug:

the male needs variety.
the female does not.

there you have it. :grouphug:
OK BROTHER, TELL YOUR GIRLFRIEND THAT, AND SEE IF SHE IS UNDERSTANDING.

OK BROTHER, TELL YOUR GIRLFRIEND THAT, AND SEE IF SHE IS UNDERSTANDING.
BTDT - been there, done that :sleep:

the male needs variety.
the female does not.

there you have it. :grouphug:

James,

What do you mean when you say... the male "needs" variety???

James,

What do you mean when you say... the male "needs" variety???
males are looking to scatter their seed as widely as possible and there fore increase their reproductive potential.
females do not have a similar drive.

males are looking to scatter their seed as widely as possible and there fore increase their reproductive potential.
females do not have a similar drive.

Oh...I never knew that men were looking to impregnate as many women as possible. Hmmm...ya learning sumthin' new everyday don't cha? I might have to disagree with ya on that one about the females though, because some of us have children from a variety of men. So the drive might be similiar after all. :uhoh:

I think deep down females want variety too. They just catch more hell if they voice or act on those feelings. I know some women who spread themselves around as much as guys do...if not worse.

Now ain't dat the true. For sho, polygamy ain for most of the sistahs here in America... :puke: for sho!

Variety, I must say that should not come into the equation. That is a selfish desire and does nothing to help our situation. If one wants variety one needs to be got to a toy store.

Peace,

I find it interesting that upon returning to Destee.com that I’m dealing with the same subject that brought me to this wonderful forum roughly one year ago. I find most controversial subjects are usually the most important and maybe the last roadblock to a “free thinking African”.

This idea historically that polygamy is just some sort of inorganic, unnatural social phenomenon IS NOT ROOTED IN FACT. If you study most zoological references to coupling and mating of a majority of mammalians of all types and especially primates you will find an innate proclivity toward polygyny. When you study the majority of peoples and cultures of the ancient (pre-Western/Aryan influenced) world, polygyny is part of their pantheons, theologies, mythologies and overall social make-ups. In cultures where polygamy or polygyny, is or was forbidden, outlawed or im-morally disenfranchised, usually fornication, prostitution, adultery and divorce is or was hypocritically sanctioned and legal, and soon becomes the societal options to all sexual, communal and marital inconsistencies among the sexes.

This subject was posted, about a year ago, referencing the book, “We Want for Our Sisters What We Want for Ourselves”, written by an extraordinary African American female scholar, Prof. Patricia Dixon Ph.D., I hope those who find interest in this subject, would support this warrior-sister’s efforts, by obtaining a copy of this book. Her research is extensive and very thought provoking.


Peace,

Brother Sun Ship :)

Brother Sun Ship we've missed you and hope you stick around!

Peace,
Queenie :spinstar: