THERE IS A LIST OF FAMOUS BLACK MEN WHO ARE MARRIED TO WHITES. I CANT HELP BUT NOTICE(ESPECIALLY WHEN OBSERVING CITIES IVE LIVED IN AND CELEBRITIES) THAT OVER THE LAST DECADE OR SO, BLACK WOMEN WITH WHITE MEN SEEMS TO BE A RAPIDLY GROWING TREND. SO SHOULD THERE B A WOMENS CELEBRITY INTERACIAL DATING LIST?
HERE R SUM NAMES I CAME UP WITH OF POSSIBLE SUSPECTS,FEEL FREE TO ADD THE NAMES OF THE WOMEN IVE MISSED

SERENA & VENUS WILLIAMS,
ALFREDA WHITTER,
IMAN
NAOMI CAMPBELL,
GARCELLE BEUVE'<POSSIBLY SPELLED WRONG
TINA TURNER,<<WELL OK SHE CAN SLIDE
TATIANA ALI
TRACY BINGHAM
STACEY DASH
KIM COLES




DO BLACK WOMEN WITH WHITES OUT NUMBER BLACK MEN WITH WHITE WOMEN? .....AHHH WHO CARES ANYWAY.....

I RECENTLY POSTED A THREAD SIMILAR TO THIS ONE, BUT BECAUSE I USED THE WORD "WHITEY" I TOOK SOME HEAT FROM THE FORUM. I DO RESPECT THE FORUM RULES, BUT IS THERE REALLY A NEED TO CENSOR THE WORD "WHITEY"?

Brother Therious ... i'm so glad you reposted this. I thought it was a great question and in your original thread, which you deleted (and you didn't have to do that), you listed some of the Sisters that you thought might be with White men. You should consider adding that list back.

I don't really have anything to add to the topic and i hate to be muddying up your thread with off-topic stuff ... but since you asked ... i did not ask you to edit / remove the word "whitey" from your post. I only asked that you recognize that i'd not let anyone come in here calling us "blacky" and in an effort to be respectful at all times, i think it's only reasonable that we not call other folk names we'd not appreciate being called.

If that's censorship, well, i did it. It's just my hope that this community will always rise to a higher level of interaction, respect, and consideration than might be found somewhere else. So, when i saw that, and i know i'd not allow anyone to come in here calling us "blackey" ... well ... i'm repeating myself now.

I just believe there's a right and proper way to do all things, and we strive for that here.

If this doesn't explain it, let me know, and i'll try again.

Glad you reposted Brother Therious!

Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee

I FEEL U DESTEE, I GUESS NAME CALLING CAN B UNPRODUCTIVE. THANX FOR THA RESPONSE.SOMETIMES I POST XACTLY HOW I WOULD CONVERSATE IN PERSON, BUT THE LAST THING WE NEED IS SOME SAYING BLACKY THEN BEING LIKE WELL U SAID WHITEY...TRUE DAT

PEACE ON THE PLANET.

Brother Therious ... :love:

:heart:

Destee

Brother Therious does ask a legitimate question. I have noticed also that the black male with the white female is criticized...while the black female with the white male is justified. There are an equal number of black male & female celebs who date and marry white. Yet only the black male is the subject of negative articles, forum subjects, and emails....why is that? :confused:

Brother Therious does ask a legitimate question. I have noticed also that the black male with the white female is criticized...while the black female with the white male is justified. There are an equal number of black male & female celebs who date and marry white. Yet only the black male is the subject of negative articles, forum subjects, and emails....why is that? :confused:

What?!? Who tries to justify Black women with white men and under what circumstances? I'm shocked because I never heard such a thing. Is this true??

Look, I'm not into interracial relationships...plain and simple--of either kind. I don't apologize for feeling that way, because it's my personal preference, and I don't use it as an excuse nor to give reason to criticize those that don't mind it. It's just me. For those who feel love is love and has no racial or color boundaries, I don't hate, and I do wish you well. It must be nice to go any where in the world and invite/accept the attention of anyone you meet.

Once in one of these threads, (can't remember which one) I asked a question that no one bothered to answer. So I'm still wondering how does a Black person achieve a level of consciousness such that they can look at a person...anyone...and feel this "love" thing for them regardless of what they might represent in the history of your people...especially if it's negative and continues to this day? I'm really trying to understand this.

Anyway, I'm starting to ramble so I'll end here.

Queenie :spinstar:

What?!? Who tries to justify Black women with white men and under what circumstances? I'm shocked because I never heard such a thing. Is this true??

Basically whenever the topic is brought up NN. Refer to the countless Essence articles on the subject, or limitless message board topics about this. Destee.com has the most objective views on this subject, that I have ever witnessed. However in most cases criticism against inter-racial dating is directed at black men only.

Basically whenever the topic is brought up NN. Refer to the countless Essence articles on the subject, or limitless message board topics about this. Destee.com has the most objective views on this subject, that I have ever witnessed. However in most cases criticism against inter-racial dating is directed at black men only.


I agree with brother pan because in articles that I have read, black women do try to justify what they seem to have a problem with on the other end. It seems when a black man does it it's because of weakness and inability to "handle" a black woman. When a black woman ventures out it's because there are no-good black men anymore, and white men respect and treat a black woman like the queen she is? It's said that black men are lazy and unable and not willing to provide properly.

It's all just a mess trying to figure out why people do what they do when they do it. Whatever happened to the possibly of just plain ole love which happens to exist in a different skin color?

Why do sistahs say I did it because the brothas are doing it? Why do brothas say I did it because sistahs are too strongheaded and rebellious? Is anybody doing it for...love? :huh:

Why do some brothas say I did it because a white woman understands me better than a sistah? How in the world can a white woman understand you better...because she is white? :uhoh:

Why do some sistahs say I did it because a white man treats me better and a black man ain got nothing? How can a man treat you better because he is white? With all the extremely successful brothas (and the numbers are increasing by leaps and bounds) how can a sistah say that black men ain got nothing and ain trying to have nothing, when I have seen white men who ain got nothing and ain't trying to have nothing?

Why offer an excuse when the reason of love is all that's needed? :heart:

Is there any reason for us to diss each other when we find love in a skin color different than our own?

Queen Asked: So I'm still wondering how does a Black person achieve a level of consciousness such that they can look at a person...anyone...and feel this "love" thing for them regardless of what they might represent in the history of your people...especially if it's negative and continues to this day? I'm really trying to understand this.

This is another very good question (you put forth a lot of those very well I might add) to dwell on. The way some black people achieve this level of consciousness is through forgiveness. ALL whites do not represent nor approve of what some whites did to blacks and do to blacks even to this day. It's that simple. I for one, am so overwhelmed by the beauty of my brothas that a white man is "pale" in comparison. However, that is MY personal preference, but not that of all sistahs. Therefore, if a sistah finds love in a white man or a brotha finds love in a white woman, that is their preference and their business. Just as long as they ain't dissing us, their brothas and sistahs in the face of their white lovers as an uncle tom would, I have no problem with it.

Moreover some black never achieve this level of consciousness at all, some are just gaming to get revenge or just "get over".

In your opinions.....do you guys think for the most part, people are opposed to interracial relationships because they feel that other races think badly of us and will never be able to fully understand what black people go through? Or do they think other races are inferior to black people for one reason or another? Or do they just see different races as "too different" or what?

For people who are accepting of interracial relationships, do you think it's mainly because people think negatively of their own race or maybe they think other races are as a whole easier to accept as relationship material? I know that everyone has their own reasons for doing things, but the whole issue confuses me sometimes.

Hey Therious....can't wait for "Catwoman" to come out man..Halle looks delicious in that suit.

kente- yes halie always looks righteous, i would say black peopls r opposed to interracial dating because of the history of this nation(torture,murder,rape,enslavement of afrikans), and world for that matter. i think some people take it personaly when they see even a stranger with a white person. they see a trader.

can it be said that at least part of the reason for interracial relations, is because the chemistry between black and white or other races works the way a natural male/female relationship should work. but sometimes well a lot of times doesn't work between black male and female because of centuries upon centuries of conditioning?

the same brainwashing formula that makes a black professional seek employment with white companies rather than pooling resources(w/ other blk pro's) and forming their own companies in thier own neighboorhoods.

joyce-is it love, or is it someone just happy to be with someone that doesn't cause stress, or lets them do whatever they want? u know ?just like fights with ur family r more vicious then fights w/ ur friends, but when it comes down to it, who really has ya back?

Therious & Kente,

Please know that if it weren't for a interracial relationship, that delicious "righteous looking" Halle Berry would not be who she is today. :spin:

It ain all bad after all is it? :wink:

Therious & Kente,

Please know that if it weren't for a interracial relationship, that delicious "righteous looking" Halle Berry would not be who she is today. :spin:

It ain all bad after all is it? :wink:

Hey Joyce, actually I have no problem with interracial relationships at all. Anything that produces Halle Berry can't be bad. :luvv: What I wanted to gain by the question is an understanding of what reasons some have for their views of this subject. I respect that some people do not want to step out an date out of their race. I don't think one should condemn their own race if they do decide to date interracially....like so many people do.

Therious & Kente,

Please know that if it weren't for a interracial relationship, that delicious "righteous looking" Halle Berry would not be who she is today. :spin:

It ain all bad after all is it? :wink:

there are plenty of beutiful non mixed sistahs also, halie just happens to be hallie. personaly i dont agree with interracial marriage, but dating is different. however its the individuals business.

there are plenty of beutiful non mixed sistahs also, halie just happens to be hallie. personaly i dont agree with interracial marriage, but dating is different. however its the individuals business.

True Therious...there are so many beautiful black women in this world...it makes me want to quit my job and travel for the rest of my life just to see them all. :idea:

Most def as I have said before there is nothing more beautiful than a BLACK SISTER!!!!

True Therious...there are so many beautiful black women in this world...it makes me want to quit my job and travel for the rest of my life just to see them all. :idea:


I just love these responses...lol, and to think this exchange is taking place in the sisters forum, I can't think of a better place.

ok...back to the real topic :coffee:

carry on...

Thank you Sister Joyce for the compliment and for responding to my question. Finally, someone has addressed it! :)

Your comments make basic sense to me and I can at least wrap my brain around the words but I still can't seem to FEEL the feeling, know what I mean? It's like there's this mental block that prevents me from even imagining myself with someone other than a Black man and the mere thought of him touching me intimately...well, I can't find the words to describe what I feel.

Do you think it has everything to do with the way I was socialized when I was younger? I was born into and raised in an ALL BLACK community...Black everything...and didn't integrate with whites or people of different races until my late teens. But even then I can't say that holds up as a viable argument because so was my brother and he doesn't seem to have any problems with interracial relationships. What happened that makes us so different? Am I in some type of denial? Was I traumatized by racism when I was a child? :confused:

I'll think more on what you wrote as I read others comment on this topic.

Peace,
Queenie :spinstar:

Do you think it has everything to do with the way I was socialized when I was younger? I was born into and raised in an ALL BLACK community...Black everything...and didn't integrate with whites or people of different races until my late teens. But even then I can't say that holds up as a viable argument because so was my brother and he doesn't seem to have any problems with interracial relationships. What happened that makes us so different? Am I in some type of denial? Was I traumatized by racism when I was a child? :confused:

I'll think more on what you wrote as I read others comment on this topic.

Peace,
Queenie :spinstar:

Hey Queen, I know you directed this at Joyce, but I guess I'll give my 2-cents also. I think that upbringing has alot to do with it. Not that one way is better than the other. I was raised around pretty much all black people except for church. My whole family on my mother's side is Jehovah's Witnesses and at the meeting (church) there are people who are married to every race under the sun. There's white married to black, asian married to white, asian married to black......etc. I mean, there is more non-interracial marriages but seeing an interracial one is not out of the ordinary. I guess maybe that's why I never had any negative thoughts regarding race mixing...because I've always seen it. Even when I was in Jr. High I had an asian girlfriend, so I've been like this for a while. I always will enjoy black women, but tasting other flavors has made me appreciate women more. It could also be how you were treated by someone of another race in your life. Maybe your brother didn't endure some of the things that you did even though you grew up in the same environment.

I also don't think you should feel the need to find other races suitable for a relationship. If that's not your thing then there is nothing wrong with it. Some people choose to date exclusively in their own race....how can that be wrong? Some people choose to date their race and others...that's not wrong either. Then some choose to date exclusively outside their race for hateful reasons....now I can't get with that. There's a problem there IMO.

Thank you Sister Joyce for the compliment and for responding to my question. Finally, someone has addressed it! :)

Your comments make basic sense to me and I can at least wrap my brain around the words but I still can't seem to FEEL the feeling, know what I mean? It's like there's this mental block that prevents me from even imagining myself with someone other than a Black man and the mere thought of him touching me intimately...well, I can't find the words to describe what I feel.

Do you think it has everything to do with the way I was socialized when I was younger? I was born into and raised in an ALL BLACK community...Black everything...and didn't integrate with whites or people of different races until my late teens. But even then I can't say that holds up as a viable argument because so was my brother and he doesn't seem to have any problems with interracial relationships. What happened that makes us so different? Am I in some type of denial? Was I traumatized by racism when I was a child? :confused:

I'll think more on what you wrote as I read others comment on this topic.

Peace,
Queenie :spinstar:


I know exactly how you feel. I came straight out of the sixties era and I remember too much to allow myself to become intimate with a white man. I don't think it my upbringing, but rather my experiences. I did date a white man for a while, but we were never intimate because of my past experiences.

Black men (those who cross over) tend to be more forgiving of what white women did in the past. Personally, I believe it is a mix of many factors embedded in a mindset of curiosity that makes it so easy for them to look past...the past.

The long hair, the white skin, the ease of manipulation, the media's impartation of the beauty of the white woman upon their minds, all of these things and more, play a part in the "herd" that's crossing over.

I know many and you probably do also, that do not even work because they have a white woman taking care of them. This is a game. I know some that DO work but still their white woman give them money. This is a game. However, I know of 2 couples where the black man sincerely loves his woman and when they get to the cash register, he's going in his pocket and paying for the groceries instead of her. So basically, it's all in what a man is willing to look past and forgive.


Sistahs are not as prone to do that if they are aged 40 or so, but the younger sistahs are more likely to cross over than us, because they have not experienced the pain as we have. They do not "feel" nor relate to the pain and hell which whites have put blacks through without even a word of apology. They simply say life goes on...so let's get past that. But what they don't understand is that we as a people can't ever get past this, if it is never dealt with. To think so, will only give the probs more breeding ground for growth. Unfortunately, times are changing without being changed and thus, we go forth blindly unchanged yet thinking times are getting better...Yes times are changing, no doubt about that, but change doesn't always mean better. Oh well.

Might I add...

I could have easily taught my sons to find nothing but disdain for white women, but I chose not to do that. Instead, I taught them of the beauty of black women and the pain that the white race put the black race through here in America...I also taught them to...forgive. In a world where white girls are chasing black boys so hard, not all black boys are prone to ignore them. Thus, one of my sons has a white girlfriend. Her parents are well off financially. While I don't permit her to give him money (he has plenty of his own) she still "waits" on him, serves him and while he likes it...I can't stand it. But he's an adult (age 18 :look: )now and if she chooses to be subservient to him in this manner, I guess that's their business.

Would you say black women have a problem with black men dating interracially as a whole or just when black men date white women? :confused:And vice-versa....do you think black men have a bigger problem with black women dating white men than anyother race?

Black men (those who cross over) tend to be more forgiving of what white women did in the past. Personally, I believe it is a mix of many factors embedded in a mindset of curiosity that makes it so easy for them to look past...the past.

The long hair, the white skin, the ease of manipulation, the media's impartation of the beauty of the white woman upon their minds, all of these things and more, play a part in the "herd" that's crossing over.

So basically, it's all in what a man is willing to look past and forgive.


Sistahs are not as prone to do that if they are aged 40 or so, but the younger sistahs are more likely to cross over than us, because they have not experienced the pain as we have. They do not "feel" nor relate to the pain and hell which whites have put blacks through without even a word of apology. They simply say life goes on...so let's get past that. But what they don't understand is that we as a people can't ever get past this, if it is never dealt with. To think so, will only give the probs more breeding ground for growth. Unfortunately, times are changing without being changed and thus, we go forth blindly unchanged yet thinking times are getting better...Yes times are changing, no doubt about that, but change doesn't always mean better.

Sister Joyce, thank you so much for these enlightening words. I found so much in them that I agree with and specifically highlight those that made an indelible impression upon me.

Would you say that in our collective mindsets, that the white man is the best representation of a modern day racist than a white woman? To both the Black man and Black woman, the white man is THE epitome of evil and has caused them the most agony and grief than any other person on the planet.

In that vein, then I can see how the Black man could allow himself to select a mate from among white women. She's someone to be conquered or she's viewed as a conquest as you stated. Maybe in the Black man's mind, for a Black woman to be with a white man is the ultimate insult to them both. White men wield power over Black men by keeping him down underneath his boots. Black women have had to be subjected to rape and other forms of degradation. For both, they were made to suffer by being made to witness this type of humiliation. Maybe in each other's eyes, that's when we lost respect for each other.

This would be an excellent topic if we would delve more into the psychology of interracial relationships and not only address it from a social point of view.

Peace,
Queenie :spinstar:

This would be an excellent topic if we would delve more into the psychology of interracial relationships and not only address it from a social point of view.

I agree completely NN; however, in order for this to happen, we need the objective opinions of those involved in inter-racial relationships. Not too many have shown a willingness to do this.

This is true, Brother Pan. I wonder why that is because I'm sure there are some here who are in interracial relationships. I hope they aren't intimidated by the strong opinions of those that don't support these types of unions such that they choose to be silent. So what if this is a community that is designed for and promotes ideas and support for Africans/African Americans. If you're here as a member and don't have a problem with interracial mixing and have chosen it as a lifestyle, then be man or woman enough to speak up and represent that population.

Brother Kente, I'm not ignoring your question, I'm just testing it against how I feel when it comes to interracial mixing.

My initial thoughts are that, if the woman isn't Black (notice I didn't say African American only), I feel the same as if she was white and I say that because I think that the attraction can often be similar to that of white women in the physical sense--hair, skin tone, mystique, etc.

And then too, as I have recently learned from a thread that Sister Happy69 started (can't remember the exact name right now) how we are perceived by Native Americans and Mexican Americans and it's not as favorable as I once thought that it was.

As much as some of us might hate to admit it, racism is a "b" and that fact can't be denied. Just because there are a number of individuals who are placed in the broad category called "people of color" doesn't make us supportive of each other nor automatic allies. I understand the old saying, "love the one you with" but to me, it takes more to consider and factor into the equation other than whether the person just wears a pair of pants or a skirt. To me, given the racial tension in the US, you can't tell me that everyone...whether they are afrocentric or anybodycentric doesn't consider race when it comes to relationships.

That's all I have to say at the moment...I'm looking forward to the opinions of others.

Queenie :spinstar:

Now to Brother Therious question. Now any Black man paired with a white woman is news and it was previous touched upon to a degree. In the mainstream press, the 'man' does so in a way that is not too obvious as a double entendre as see-we don't care and wish you the best Mr Black man on your choice and wish you happiness. But....on the underneath of that is a CODE of...watch this uppity Negro, he has got one of our women and she is a ....fill in the blank for your individual euphemism of a 'LOOSE' woman. Now a white man that dates a Black woman IS still accorded the slavemaster perogative from the press, we will not write about your romance or marriage to a 'Black' woman--unless YOU tell us(wink)(wink)(nod)(nod).The press will give a white man privacy or space with any woman not white unless he say so. This society in this respect has that old slavery-'massa is seeing the slave wench, but we pretend we don't know it.' therious, that is my theory that you WILL not see a white man/Black woman pairing as widespread in the press-unless you or someone interested, reseach it themselves.

Would you say that in our collective mindsets, that the white man is the best representation of a modern day racist than a white woman?

Without a doubt. He not only oppressed other races such as Africans, Asians, Indians, but he even oppressed his own to some degree including his own women. Trust me when I say that the undenable urge to control everything around him is what caused him to feel the need to enslave...even his very own women in many instances.

The thing that ran predominantly with white women (and still pretty much do today) is their mindset that blacks are "beneath" them. In their minds, they are the most beautiful women and that's why so many black men want them. Gurl, I had a 350 pound lesbian white woman ask me, why black men love her so much. She only bragged all the more about how they love her. I know of the brothas who has been with her. If he only knew, where she had been, but I certainly won't be the one to tell him. I told her right to her face, that those brothas were most likely suffering from a bad low self esteem. In fact, many white women believe that they are doing a black man a favor in "giving him the time of day" and sadly many of them (brothas) are nothing more than "pets" that are taken care of and sexed. But then on the other side of the coin are some of the most beautiful relationships that one would ever want to see. I know of one, but all the others I know of have ended or are on the rocks. Over 70% of all interracials marriages wind up in divorce court, it is rare to see a happy interracial couple. Still, I don't diss anyone for going that way if that's what it takes to make them happy. I am satisfied with my deep dark chocolate. Yet, I applaud those who manage to weather all the probs that are experienced in interracial marriages. It is definitely one hoop I would not want to play with...interracially that is.

I mean no disrespect Fam, but who really cares what celeberity or person marries who?

Threads like this usually do not produce anything fruitful but folks getting upset with other folks about marrying outside of their race or dating outside of their race.

I guess I do not care anymore, I have other things to worry about like Death, Aids, and Felonies.

But once again, To Each her or his own.

The reason there are more articles/ media exposure to lack men dating white women is because they date outside the black race more often than black women. I see this everyday everywhere in the city I live in. I see this so much that it seemes like it is a trend. I believe that black men date white/non black women because the media portrays them as beautiful. Whenever non-mixed black women become classified as beautiful and recieve more media attention then you will notice less interracial dating among black men. They want to be like Puffy, Taye Diggs, or Kobe. Joyce said it best "The long hair, the white skin, the ease of manipulation, the media's impartation of the beauty of the white woman upon their minds, all of these things and more, play a part in the "herd" that's crossing over."

I have also noticed that most dark skinned men date outside of thier race. I believe that has to do with low self esteem and lack of pride in the black race. Most of these men are color struck and don't want thier children to be as dark as they are.

YES!! White men do treat black women better than black men for the same reason black men tend to treat white women better, because they are curious and they find them beautiful. I myself agree with another comment from Joyce and that is that I find so much beauty in my brothas that I am not attracted at all by white men.

Aisha

Aisha, what you say is pretty much factual in some repects but the men you name,Taye,Kobe,Puffy were involved with women of Hispanic (European heritage) not white American. Taye-Idina Mendez(don't know of her nationality) , Puffy-J-Lo(Puerto Rican) is the only one that I am aware of and Kobe's wife Vanessa do have Spanish blood-Cuban, Mexican or Colombian-not sure. Now with J-Lo and Kobe's wifew, some pictures they look white some they look brown. Have not seen too many pictures of Taye's wife-but she doen not look quite like a white woman either. Now if you said Cuba Gooding, that would be fair except for one thing. She dated him in high school BEFORE he got famous(the when he got famous to get with a white woman argument won't quite work with him).
Know of Ron Perelman? You've seen him in many roles and similar to Gandolfini in the Sopranos, he is a private person but he is married to a Black woman.You'd never know but years ago he was a star in a past CBS drama 'Beauty and the Beast' with Linda Hamilton as his love interest. She was with him at a Emmy show.
Now another similar thing was until you show them at a show-you'd never know it. One being at the Oscars years ago, either it was William Holden or Peter Finch that was dating a Jamaican woman and was there when 'Network' was nominated for several Oscars.

Kente asked: Would you say black women have a problem with black men dating interracially as a whole or just when black men date white women? And vice-versa....do you think black men have a bigger problem with black women dating white men than anyother race?

Kente to answer your first question I have to echo what The Queen :) said earlier " I feel the same as if she was white and I say that because I think that the attraction can often be similar to that of white women in the physical sense--hair, skin tone, mystique, etc."

My brother is one of those that date only hispanic women ( It used to be white or mixed women). However, if hears or sees of any black woman with a white man, he has a big problem with it. I have also seen this behavior in other black men that date outside the black race. I'ts ok for us to be rejected but not them, I guess. :rolleyes:

To brother MANASIAC,
Words from The Queen:

So what if this is a community that is designed for and promotes ideas and support for Africans/African Americans. If you're here as a member and don't have a problem with interracial mixing and have chosen it as a

So brotha I am waiting for you to truly speak your mind.
:peace:


Aisha

One more thing you said and the opposite is true. Black men have treated white women ill as white men has treated Black women ill. As always in ANY type relationship-you have to choose carefully.

One more thing you said and the opposite is true. Black men have treated white women ill as white men has treated Black women ill. As always in ANY type relationship-you have to choose carefully.


This is also true.


Aisha

I have already spoken madamoiselle.

Do you think it has everything to do with the way I was socialized when I was younger? I was born into and raised in an ALL BLACK community...Black everything...and didn't integrate with whites or people of different races until my late teens. But even then I can't say that holds up as a viable argument because so was my brother and he doesn't seem to have any problems with interracial relationships. What happened that makes us so different? Am I in some type of denial? Was I traumatized by racism when I was a child? :confused:

Peace,
Queenie :spinstar:

If I may reply to this.....

I dont think environment is everything. I have seen so many times when black americans talk about people in other countries dating IR and thinking that it is not as serious in america simply because blacks grew up around blacks. That means nothing really. In fact, many blacks in black areas are travelling out to find white people and other rces to be with. One can grow up around all whites and if black is what they like, black is what they will date and marry.....or date what they can and marry black.

Racism could have something to do with it though. I dont know entirely for myself why I am dead set against dating white. I love black women of course, but part of it may be the racism I dealt with growing up around whites. (marrying white was never an option for me and still isnt) I have a brother who has dated many whites....not that there was much choice where we were. I guess it is on an individual basis that this stuff is determined.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Someone mentioned black women justifying dating IR.....I have seen much of that. Usually it is the numbers game, or the "all the good ones are taken" myth that are used as excuses....but a black man trying to make the similar argument is lashed out at......I think it is all wrong. People should do what they are gonna do and leave the excuses, and bashing, out.

MrBlak

The reason there are more articles/ media exposure to lack men dating white women is because they date outside the black race more often than black women. I see this everyday everywhere in the city I live in. I see this so much that it seemes like it is a trend. I believe that black men date white/non black women because the media portrays them as beautiful. Whenever non-mixed black women become classified as beautiful and recieve more media attention then you will notice less interracial dating among black men. They want to be like Puffy, Taye Diggs, or Kobe. Joyce said it best "The long hair, the white skin, the ease of manipulation, the media's impartation of the beauty of the white woman upon their minds, all of these things and more, play a part in the "herd" that's crossing over."

I have also noticed that most dark skinned men date outside of thier race. I believe that has to do with low self esteem and lack of pride in the black race. Most of these men are color struck and don't want thier children to be as dark as they are.

YES!! White men do treat black women better than black men for the same reason black men tend to treat white women better, because they are curious and they find them beautiful. I myself agree with another comment from Joyce and that is that I find so much beauty in my brothas that I am not attracted at all by white men.

Aisha
You mention that most darkskin men date out of race...that is an exageration and you are looking at it the wrong way. A white person who wants to date black......wants to date BLACK. White women go for dark bros with dreads or braids, not light or half white bros with relaxed curls. White men go for dark sistahs with true black woman bodies (nice curves)....not lighter sistahs, and not ones with blonde hair dye or weaves. White people who date black dont need an immitation white person, they can get the real thing so they date a natural black person (FEMALE or male) ..... I see that all the time.

If someone is being approached often, then eventually they may give in. Also, about the last comment, dont forget about black women who fix themself up for a white guy while not caring as much when searching for a black guy......people who lower standards to cross colour lines come in both genders and of all races...to say otherwize is childish and self serving (for points one may want to make).

peace

MrBlak

As Queen said I think that people in here are intimidated to say if they are ok with interracial relationships. In these type of threads we tend to get an overwhelming response by people who are against it. Which makes the thread interesting because there is nothing wrong with exclusively dating your own race. It would be nice to get a little more balance though as you stated NNQueen.

That being said....I do accept interracial relationships for myself and others as I said before. I'm not in a relationship period...but I am casually seeing an asian woman now. I don't date white women because I'm not attracted to them. I don't kow why but I just have never been attracted to white women for one reason or another. As far as Asian, Hispanic, Indian etc I would definately date other races without a problem at all. It's not that I'm looking for white qualities either. I think women of different races obviously have different things about them that are appealing. It has nothing to do with finding someone that is submissive or easy to walk all over because whether you are black, white or asian...there are push-overs. Not all black women are strong and not all non-black women are weak minded. I'm dark-skinned and I think dark black women are attractive..as well as asian women. Most of my dating has been with nothing but black women. While I am still highly attracted to black women I will not limit my choices to just black women. Long black hair on an Asian woman is HOT. Twist or locs on a black woman is HOT. Accents are HOT. Dark skinned tall black women are HOT. Short asian or hispanic women are HOT too. It's all good. I don't have a preference when it comes to race. I'm sure that most people consider race as a very important part of deciding who to be with. I don't, but everyone has thier own way of doing things. I don't think that people should make it seem like everyone that dates outside their race has some type of hang-up or self-hatred...because that's simply rediculous. Some people just do what they feel. Though I do think that SOME people do it for the wrong reasons. For acceptance or because they have negative views of heir own race....SOME....not all.

"Love may be where you find it but culture determines where you look."
from: 'EXCUSES, EXCUSES:The Politics of Interracial Coupling in European Culture' Mwalimu K. Bomani Baruti
Also see: 'The Sex Imperative' Mwalimu K. Bomani Baruti Akoben House
Also:'Yurugu: An African-centered Critique of European Cultural Thought and Behavior' Dr Marimba Ani

MrBlak,

When I said that most dark skinned men date outside of their race, that is just my observation. Again I see interracial couples more than I see black couples where I live. You are right most dark skinned blacks are approached by whites, however I still see the sistah's turning down these white men, usually dating lighter toned brothas and the brothas still going for the white/non-black women. I think that it is hard for brothas to see what we (sistah) are so angry about because they are not black women and black women can't see why most brothas justify this because we are not black men. Again this is all my opinion.

Brotha Kente,

If all black men dated like you then I don't think most of us would have such a big problem with interracial dating. You date pretty much all women and find beauty in all of their nationalities. Sadly Kente not all brothas are like you. I have met only one brotha out of the many I am friends with that is like you and I do except his dating preference (not that he needs my approval).



:bowdown: To both of you brothas I really appreciate your thoughts and opinions. I respect you both because you spoke out about what you believe in despite everyone else’s views. These forums are not interesting when everybody agrees with each other all the time.

Aisha

Aisha:

Where abouts are you? That is crazy that there are more IR couples than black couples. Also, I was wondering why these black women only are going for the light skin brothas? They are as much in the wrong if they ignore other brothas as the brothas that ignore them for lighter sistahs.

I do understand where black womens anger comes from becuase where I live, it is equal in terms of who dates out of race. Also, the women I am most attracted to, are the type white boys seem to date often. I have to hear black women complain and then say their are "no good ones left" and "black men dont want us" and both those statements are trash. Watching a group of people act like you dont exist and claim to want people like you is frustrating. It is like a cycle of stereotyping becuase it sounds like the darker sistahs believe only whites and really light skinned black men want them. They are wrong for that and lose the right to get angry in taking that stance. They then cut people like myself off and the whole situation gets even more bitter.

To answer the initial question of this thread "do we need a womens IR list" I say NO.

I seriously doubt the black women who compile lists of black celebs dating/marrying white gain anything from it. Black men who make such a list wont gain anything from it either.

I used to get pissed off eveytime I saw a beautiful black girl with a white guy becuase he had easily got what I wanted. I no longer waste time getting mad or counting the IR couples I see and you know what?? My life is no worse off......I am still single and dateless as ever so all that energy I spent getting mad was for nothing.

To answer the initial question of this thread "do we need a womens IR list" I say NO.

I seriously doubt the black women who compile lists of black celebs dating/marrying white gain anything from it. Black men who make such a list wont gain anything from it either.

I used to get pissed off eveytime I saw a beautiful black girl with a white guy becuase he had easily got what I wanted. I no longer waste time getting mad or counting the IR couples I see and you know what?? My life is no worse off......I am still single and dateless as ever so all that energy I spent getting mad was for nothing.

TRUE BLAK. I DONT BELIEVE ANYTHING POSITIVE WOULD COME FROM A WOMENS IR LIST. I ALWAYS SAY THOSE GIRLS IN IR'S AR NOT THE GIRLS YOU WANT ANYWAY IT GOES DEEPER THAN LOOKS.I GUESS THIS THREAD WAS MORE ON THE TIP OF, I ALWAYS HEAR BLACK MEN TAKING MUCH RIDICULE, JUST WANTED TO GET A CONcENSUS ON OTHER PEOPLES OPINIONS ON THE LARGE # OF WOMEN WHO R DOING THE SAME.

Therious:

It is good that you had this thread becuase it got people talking and maybe got people on all sides of the argument to understand each other better. That is why I posted the fact that whites may be attracted to and perusing certain blacks and the blacks are accepting. I figured that out when I used to be so angry at evey IRR I saw. I took a step back to see what was really going on and realized it was way more complex than simply black people "selling out". There are people who date IR for bad reasons and those who dont. I dont let the whole thing bother me anymore....it aint worth it.

Definitely a good thread man!!

Is skin color the issue or is racism the issue that forces the question why do we care when it comes to interracial relationships? I can understand the simple answer, personal preferences but when you REALLY give it some deep thought, how many of us understand what our decisions are motivated by as we view the world and our place in it?

MrBlak you make some sound points! When we look at each other what is the very first impression that comes to mind? What does skin color...especially the lighter shade of pale...mean to us?

Queenie :spinstar:

Brother Blak...your point was one of the best ones so far on this subject....it is so apparent that neither of the lists can be positive in any way shape or form...what possible good can come out of compiling a list of who is dating who or what skin color they are? What possible benefit can be gained other than the fact that it is something else to gossip about? Regardless of whether or not a persons date is white or black is meaningless against the larger question of are they a decent human being, no? In any event, all of the posts and replies on this subject are good for discussion!

To answer the initial question of this thread "do we need a womens IR list" I say NO.

I seriously doubt the black women who compile lists of black celebs dating/marrying white gain anything from it. Black men who make such a list wont gain anything from it either.

I used to get pissed off eveytime I saw a beautiful black girl with a white guy becuase he had easily got what I wanted. I no longer waste time getting mad or counting the IR couples I see and you know what?? My life is no worse off......I am still single and dateless as ever so all that energy I spent getting mad was for nothing.

Thanks Greggy!! This has been a very good discussion. One of the best regarding this topic I have ever been in online.

Brother Blak...your point was one of the best ones so far on this subject....it is so apparent that neither of the lists can be positive in any way shape or form...what possible good can come out of compiling a list of who is dating who or what skin color they are? What possible benefit can be gained other than the fact that it is something else to gossip about? Regardless of whether or not a persons date is white or black is meaningless against the larger question of are they a decent human being, no? In any event, all of the posts and replies on this subject are good for discussion!

the point of this post is not celebrity gossip, it is a scientific like look at the psches of blks in this country. if u read the original post i also mentioned the large amount of blks in cities ive lived in (from california 2 jersey ive been evrywhere man) who r in ir's. yes to each his or her own, & quite frankly if a chic thats not blk wants to holler its all peace excluding marriage or offspring. what this post is meant to do is

A.. point out thE heat brothers take WHILE sitas r doing the same-MABY EVEN IN LARGER #'S NOW & ASK WHY THE HYPOCRISY?
AND
B...... look at a blk self hatred , BRAINWASHING, distrust, and the efects of divide and conquor tactics used in slave days and its effect IN THE PRESENT ERROR.

IS IT NOT PHENOMENAL THAT WHEN BLKS GET RICH THEY CHOOSE WHT MATES (NOT ALL MABY NOT EVEN THE MAJORITY ) ALMOST IN UNCONSCIOUS ROBOTIC FORMAT , AFTER THE HISTORY OF THIS COUNTRY AND WORLD???

IS IT NOT SUSPICIOUS THE # OF BLK WOMEN CHOOSING WHT HUSBANDS, & THE # OF WOMEN WHO BUY INTO THE "SHORTAGE OF BROTHERS " MYTH PERPETUATED BY BOTH BLK AND WHT MEDIA.-& VICE VERSA?

DIS UNITY HAS BEEN OUR DOWN FALL SINCE THE DAYS OF THE ANCIENTS.............

Sistahs are not as prone to do that if they are aged 40 or so, but the younger sistahs are more likely to cross over than us, because they have not experienced the pain as we have. They do not "feel" nor relate to the pain and hell which whites have put blacks through without even a word of apology. They simply say life goes on...so let's get past that. But what they don't understand is that we as a people can't ever get past this, if it is never dealt with. To think so, will only give the probs more breeding ground for growth. Unfortunately, times are changing without being changed and thus, we go forth blindly unchanged yet thinking times are getting better...Yes times are changing, no doubt about that, but change doesn't always mean better. Oh well.

Very profound statement.

:toast:

I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the comments in this thread on this subject. The progression of this discussion from a woman's IR list to the indepth analysis of the psyche and why, from a psychological perspective, Black women and Black men choose or do not choose to date/marry outside of their race, especially getting married to white people, is amazing to say the least. Most discussions of this sort end in bashing, personal attacks, or it just ends. Anyway, I'm taking the time to say I enjoyed the discussion immensely. :D

For me, racism/white supremacy is so engrained within this culture and around the world that it can not help but to have some effect on every people activity. From the family to how we worship to the legal system, its effect is everpresent. IR is no different.

History...world history...makes it very clear the relation between ALL people. Choosing to ignore that can bring about a lot of pain. As someone quoted earlier, about 70% (?) of IRs result in divorce. That's a high percentage. The family member didn't state the reasons for the divorce...but I would guess--if truth be known--that the most common reason had something to do with race...or the lack of understanding in race matters. Specifically, the pain of our people being in slavery.

Knowing what I face as a Black man, there is no way just ANY woman can face my daily battles with me and not truly feel what I feel...and not truly understand what I go through...and I feel what she goes through. No woman...and I mean...NO WOMAN will EVER understand the Black man like the Black woman.

Now, outside of that, there's this "thing" about a Black woman that's not present in any other woman except for the Puerto Rican woman. A spiritual thing...a softness unlike any other. I'm not putting any other woman down. I'm just stating what I've seen in the Black woman that I have not seen in any other woman. This is one reason among many why I haven't dated any others.

I truly love my Sistas. :grouphug:

As Cornel West would say: RACE MATTERS.

It truly is refreshing to see the afrocentric spirits of our people rise to reaffirm the strength of blak love...

in reference to the original question... there is no need for a "list"

That is only anotha way to distract our people and distraction is the last thing we need...

lest we hinder ourselves on our progression to completion in this tainted society

Momma consistently told me growing up... Only a blak King can assist his nubian Queen in ruling the kingdom...

so why waste my time amongst anything else but the blak royalty I was born and blessed to know as...my brothas

and plus yall brothas are jus so Mmmm mmmm good hehehe :D

Hey Queen, I know you directed this at Joyce, but I guess I'll give my 2-cents also. I think that upbringing has alot to do with it. Not that one way is better than the other. I was raised around pretty much all black people except for church. My whole family on my mother's side is Jehovah's Witnesses and at the meeting (church) there are people who are married to every race under the sun. There's white married to black, asian married to white, asian married to black......etc. I mean, there is more non-interracial marriages but seeing an interracial one is not out of the ordinary. I guess maybe that's why I never had any negative thoughts regarding race mixing...because I've always seen it. Even when I was in Jr. High I had an asian girlfriend, so I've been like this for a while. I always will enjoy black women, but tasting other flavors has made me appreciate women more. It could also be how you were treated by someone of another race in your life. Maybe your brother didn't endure some of the things that you did even though you grew up in the same environment.

I also don't think you should feel the need to find other races suitable for a relationship. If that's not your thing then there is nothing wrong with it. Some people choose to date exclusively in their own race....how can that be wrong? Some people choose to date their race and others...that's not wrong either. Then some choose to date exclusively outside their race for hateful reasons....now I can't get with that. There's a problem there IMO.




profound and very on point statement....

interracial

And I ask again? Tantrum.

Brother Therious does ask a legitimate question. I have noticed also that the black male with the white female is criticized...while the black female with the white male is justified. There are an equal number of black male & female celebs who date and marry white. Yet only the black male is the subject of negative articles, forum subjects, and emails....why is that? :confused:

I think this concern from the Sistas stems from the complaint that BM have of being the most oppressed group on this planet. So when they finally make it to the big time, they would rather wake-up next to their "former" worst nightmare. Yes BW are oppressed too, but there are more BW to go around period, and BW do in fact date/marry IR far less than BM. No offense to your analysis.

Hello Everyone, if I may wade in on this. I am a "Black" male from Chicago. This topic seems to be spring up more often. We are now looking at even more "Black" women either dating or marrying out. Tyra Banks, Halle Berry, Alfre Woodard.

What can one say? It was bound to happen. And "Black" men do it 2.5 times as much. Maybe that's the issue. "Black" men date out more than "Black" women. If the IR disparity was more even, perhaps there would be less complaints about "Black" men with "White" women.

Another thing. Most "Black" men with non-"Black" females are usually quite vocal about their choice. It's almost like they are daring you to say something about them. I have known brothers who have left this country to find their bride. Some fools who even used mail order catalogs.

That's some crazy stuff right there.

But there is my two-cents.

enough is enough