Hey family. I have a question. If you married someone and they gained alot of weight after the marriage or during the course of the marriage, how would you feel? What if they did nothing to lose the weight, instead they kept getting bigger and more out of shape? Do you think it's your duty as a spouse to stick around for better or for worse? What could be done to make the situation better if the person is not motivated enough to lose the weight? Most of all, why does this happen? It's men and women that have a tendancy to "cease to impress" after the ring is on the finger.

My Thoughts on this matter:

Weight Gain after marriage is one of the reasons why I primarliy talk to short skinny and slender women.

Usually if a woman is a size 12 and she has 2 kids, then her size will be multipled by the number of the chirrenz, thus making her a size 24. Usually this happens alot with short women. Short women always blow up like ballons when they get chirrenz.

If the chick is like 6'0 and a size 12 and has a kid alot of times she do not blow up. But If I am gone marry something, I prefer it to be a size 0 to 6, and about a nice height of 5'9 and up. Because if you multiply dem sizes by chirrenz MY WIFE IS GOING TO BE THICK AND LOVELY AFTER DEM CHIRRENZ.

But seriously, I would probably divorce my wife if she blew up like the white house after we got married.

I do not play fat games. If you aint tall and thick please do not apply. Short Bowling Pins make me look ugly in public mayne.

o k, i gv n on the cooking, rememba? :laugh:

this is a totally different issue. firstly, i'm going 2 hv an understanding during the dating how important maintaining a good appearance, figure wise, is 2 this woman. no, i ain't lookin 4 no barbie look-a-like, but i ain't lookin 4 last yr's winner of the 'wide load' contest either. f u seriously xpect 2 keep tht wonderlust look out of my eyes & u wish 2 keep getting it on the regular, u nd 2 keep the trim, well, trimmed :laugh: . the brothers kno what i'm talkin bout.

while there r no guarentee's, 2 my way of thinkin, f u spend sufficient time around ur prospective soul mate, both of u shld get a good idea of exactly where u stand (or sit) on this issue. it's important enuf 4 me 2 insert a weight & dress size limit n2 the vows, & nstead of, 'till death do u part', i'd like mine 2 b, 'until exercise do u stop, or xcessive weight do u gain'. :laugh:

seriously, f u like 2 eat 4 two, all by yaself, what do u nd me 4?

f they continue spreading & refuse 2 get off their but & exercise, they can park that baby someplace else. :laugh: :laugh:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Man, you guys got me dying over here. Those we two of the best responses I ever read. Anyways, man, I am a patient person, but for a woman to gain a ton of weight after she thought she had me locked is disrespectful. First of all, I don't sit around and snack all day, so she can't either. If you're not the exercising type, you better be the healthy eating type. I have a relative that got married a long time ago. Once he slipped that ring on her finger she instantly gained A LOT of weight. I mean instantly. Like when they engaged she was short and regular size. When they got around to getting married, people though she was pregnant. Over the years they've had 4 children and after each one she packed on more and more Ho Hos. I look at how miserable he looks and I feel for him. She doesn't really have any skills, so for him to leave now would be financial suicide. So he's pretty much stuck with a person who he can't possibly be attracted to physically. I mean she's short and round. I don't think that's fair for him to have to work all day and come home to her. Might as well work around the clock.

Thanks for your replies brothas. :peace:
Would you guys straight out divorce your mate or would you try and give them a timetable to loose the weight...or what? Go to the gym together? What would make the situation bearable........if anything?

She will have 6 months to loose the weight. If not I am riding out. But to be real tho. If she was someone who I really loved, I would work with her until she is comfortable with herself again.

She will have 6 months to loose the weight. If not I am riding out. But to be real tho. If she was someone who I really loved, I would work with her until she is comfortable with herself again.

I think that I would work with her to see if the commitment is there. She'd have to also go alone sometimes because I'm not a gym rat. I hear you on that dating slim women because then if they do gain they won't be fat, they'll be thicker. I love short women, but if they are short and already thick with no kids, then that's true, they'll blow-up. I like women that are short and about a size 4-6. With a nice butt, but not a big one. That way if she has a baby then she won't be all out of whack later on....hopefully. I just like short slim women period. But if I loved her I would try to work with her also. I think alot of it is the spouses fault because if you see your man or women getting big...you need to say something. It doesn't have to be harsh, but speak on it. If I saw that she was not commited enough to try and do something about the weight I might have to leave, because I'm not trying to spend my life staying in shape just so I can walk around with someone that doesn't feel the need to impress me anymore.
:nuts:

If I felt my life was in danger, if she rolled on me in my sleep....then she'd have to lose weight. However if she gained a little weight 30-50lbs....hey that is part of life (especially after children). If you truly love someone, things like that don't bother you.

Amen to that Pan and Kente. That is why I keep it slim and trill. My Mama been a size 4 since she was 18 and she is now 42 :-), so that is my inspiriation.

hopefully, it won't go anywhere near tht far. hey, this is a person i thot enuf of 2 ask her 2 b w me 4eva, right? thas what i mean about the other qualities & makin sure they're n place well b4 we're even talkin marriage or cohabitation. there r more options availible 2day that there prob eva hv been, but attitude is crucial. this cld easily b a source of near constant :fight: :fight: between us & the aftermath cld spill out 2 other areas. don't get me wrong, i like a woman w junk n her trunk, jus not the whole junkyard n each cheek. :laugh: there is such a thing as 2 much of a good thang.

regular exercise is paramount even 4 those not overweight, so, jus as it is an important part of my life, so wld i encorage her 2 make it a part of hers. but, like i said b4, this is something tht would b discussed relatively early on n the relationship, so, our attitudes toward exercise, diet, preventive medicine, & body maintenance wld b well known on both sides of the aisle. i hold myself 2 the same standard, & feel tht both parties hv a right 2 expect a reasonable facsimile of the person they married 10 - 20 yrs, & beyond, ago.

i'm flexible, & wld prob not impose a time limit, since tht cld easily prove counter productive & elicit feelings of defensiveness. i prefer 2 gv her however long it takes, provided regular, measurable progress toward an agreed upon goal is made, and sufficient effort is evident 2 prevent reoccurance. however, f she gets all defiant about it: 'there's jus more of me 2 luv'; 'i am n shape, round is a shape'; 'u may as well get used 2 it cause these pounds ain't goin nowhere'; - well, mayb those pounds aren't, but u sure r :wave: :wave:

:laugh:

Why do you guys think this happens? Do you think it's a lack of motivation after marriage? Do people just cease to care about appearance because they already have someone? Is it that they just plain take the other person for granted and use the "for better or for worse" to the fullest extent? :laugh:
I know that alot of people will say "well, I had a baby", and I don't know how hard it is to lose that weight, but is that an excuse to be over-weight for years and actually keep gaining. Don't you think you should nip-it once you see the fat creeping up? For men too because osmetimes men tend to eat chips and drink beer all day. Then the beer belly starts forming. Is it fair for a woman to have to caress that huge gut just because they took vows? Come on ladies, you know you'd be pissed too.

Geez, yall are tripping for real.

I'm glad I don't have that problem, but I feel for anyone out there who really DOES work out, try to eat right, and STILL can't seem to lose weight.

Even for myself, it's hard to lose 10-20 pounds if I want to.

Sounds like you all need to stay single.

I don't think anyone here is talking about not gaining any weight at all, but when some people get married they double in size.....you know. That's what I don't think is right. I mean, I guess if your mate doesn't have a problem with it then no one else can knock it. I am speaking of the people who would have a problem with a mate that has just blown up and is just out of control. I think I could deal with a few pounds. That's not a big deal. I'm not that bad. I mean, we all go up and down in weight a little, but you don't have to double your size. :ohmy: Even when someone has a baby, I mean that's natural. That's life. But some people use that excuse as to why the keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger even though they had the baby like 3-4 years ago.

MOST OF US WILL GAIN SOME WEIGHT AS WE GET OLDER, THAT'S A FACT. YEAH, I DO THINK THAT IT'S DISRESPECTFUL FOR HER TO BLOW UP TO DOUBLE HER SIZE WHEN YOU MARRY HER. I ALSO THINK IT'S DISRESPECTFUL FOR A FAT GUY TO RAG ON HIS WIFE ABOUT HER WEIGHT. THE BEST THING TO DO IS NOT TO GET ON HER, JUST KEEP YOURSELF LOOKING GOOD, MOST WOMEN WILL GET IN THE GYM WITH YOU. IF YOU LOOK GOOD SHE WILL WANT TO LOOK GOOD ALSO.

MOST OF US WILL GAIN SOME WEIGHT AS WE GET OLDER, THAT'S A FACT. YEAH, I DO THINK THAT IT'S DISRESPECTFUL FOR HER TO BLOW UP TO DOUBLE HER SIZE WHEN YOU MARRY HER. I ALSO THINK IT'S DISRESPECTFUL FOR A FAT GUY TO RAG ON HIS WIFE ABOUT HER WEIGHT. THE BEST THING TO DO IS NOT TO GET ON HER, JUST KEEP YOURSELF LOOKING GOOD, MOST WOMEN WILL GET IN THE GYM WITH YOU. IF YOU LOOK GOOD SHE WILL WANT TO LOOK GOOD ALSO.

Yeah, making fat jokes won't help. It will probably make him/her eat more. There are ways to get someone into the gym without baggin' on them and making them cry. :cry:

Some women have the excuse, and it's a good one, that having children is what caused them to put on weight. Men, you can't put yourself in our shoes here. If you truly love a person, you will work with them, not against them.

Why we got to be tripping. I look too good to be with a fat chick plain and simple. Why I want someone with a waist bigger than mine?

My Mother aint fat, thus the woman I marry if that ever happen, aint gone be fat either. Aint no Fat Folks in my mama family, so I cannot break the trend. However we do have rollie pollies on my daddy side, and they are the ones who just sat around and got big after chirrenz.

Nope it is not going to happen to me sorry.

I don't expect a woman to lose the baby-fat after 6mo. or anything like that. I'm not sure how long it takes, but to have a woman look like she's pregnant for years and years after the baby is here is unacceptable to me. Having a baby is a valid reason to gain weight, but what are you gonna do after the babies out and it's time to lose it? Not just for me but for yourself because I don't want to be with someone who's gonna be all depressed because she's out of shape, but she doesn't want to do anything (physically) about it. I mean, if I had back surgery or something that kept me from being as active as I am, and I got big, I would feel bad. If my wife looks all HOT and here I am looking all round, that would make me feel bad for her to have to lug me around cramping her style. I agree with supporting someone and loving someone even when they gain weight. Gaining weight is gonna happen. If you want to lose it then there are ways. I hate when people say "I'm trying to lose but it just doesn't come off". That's true, it doesn't just come off. You have to work it off and eat better. If you exercise then go to Micky D's afterwards..what's the point? I know some people do try but some people just don't have will-power.

Hey family. I have a question. If you married someone and they gained alot of weight after the marriage or during the course of the marriage, how would you feel? What if they did nothing to lose the weight, instead they kept getting bigger and more out of shape? Do you think it's your duty as a spouse to stick around for better or for worse? What could be done to make the situation better if the person is not motivated enough to lose the weight? Most of all, why does this happen? It's men and women that have a tendancy to "cease to impress" after the ring is on the finger.

I'm glad you said MEN and WOMEN...I've noticed this. As my pastor said, many men tend to want 36-24-36 throughout the marriage. I was engaged to a man who wanted "perfection" and I was thin when we met. I gained some weight and he was angry, yet he was BIG and muscular.

I went to a class reunion and many of us had put on many pounds. But the key thing was that a few couples did look good.

I have a friend who was slender when she married, but let herself go. She had very long hair which she never styled, always dry looking and wouldn't even wear makeup, but that's what she had on when she met the guy. I used to get on her because she looked very drab. Like some of the ghetto sisters going around with a rag on their heads and big bunny slippers in public! (I've even seen grown women at the supermarket in pajamas - the ugly flannel ones that I wouldn't DARE wear around any man).

But she would get upset if hubby looked at a well groomed woman. As for me, I'm bigger than my high school days, but the hair is always groomed and I never leave the house without lipstick or gloss. I wear jeans, tee-shirt and white CLEAN sneakers on the weekend and always smelling good.

You will not catch me with a rag on my head. I HATE seeing people with do-rags on.

As for men, many of them complain about their wives' weight and they have a belly akin to a 9-month pregnancy girth without them giving birth. I HATE those big BELLIES on men - ewwww!

Now I got some "junk in the trunk" but it's ALL good. I wear what's appropriate and keep myself looking good at all time.

My sister is so angry with her husband, he of the flat behind and HUGE belly and butt crack showing ALL the time, and to add further insult to injury...only TWO (2) teeth in his mouth and smelling like stale cigarettes. Well, he wasn't much to look at when she married him, but he got worst.

I'm glad you said MEN and WOMEN...I've noticed this. As my pastor said, many men tend to want 36-24-36 throughout the marriage. I was engaged to a man who wanted "perfection" and I was thin when we met. I gained some weight and he was angry, yet he was BIG and muscular.

I went to a class reunion and many of us had put on many pounds. But the key thing was that a few couples did look good.

I have a friend who was slender when she married, but let herself go. She had very long hair which she never styled, always dry looking and wouldn't even wear makeup, but that's what she had on when she met the guy. I used to get on her because she looked very drab. Like some of the ghetto sisters going around with a rag on their heads and big bunny slippers in public! (I've even seen grown women at the supermarket in pajamas - the ugly flannel ones that I wouldn't DARE wear around any man).

But she would get upset if hubby looked at a well groomed woman. As for me, I'm bigger than my high school days, but the hair is always groomed and I never leave the house without lipstick or gloss. I wear jeans, tee-shirt and white CLEAN sneakers on the weekend and always smelling good.

You will not catch me with a rag on my head. I HATE seeing people with do-rags on.

As for men, many of them complain about their wives' weight and they have a belly akin to a 9-month pregnancy girth without them giving birth. I HATE those big BELLIES on men - ewwww!

Now I got some "junk in the trunk" but it's ALL good. I wear what's appropriate and keep myself looking good at all time.

My sister is so angry with her husband, he of the flat behind and HUGE belly and butt crack showing ALL the time, and to add further insult to injury...only TWO (2) teeth in his mouth and smelling like stale cigarettes. Well, he wasn't much to look at when she married him, but he got worst.


See, that's what I'm talking about. Man, why does that happen? People just stop caring and get mad when your eyes wanders a little. I'm talking about the ones that just stop caring, because I am sympathetic to certain situations. I mean like I said, weight gain is life, but you can't give up the fight. :bazooka: :uzi: :flamet: :fight:

See, that's what I'm talking about. Man, why does that happen? People just stop caring and get mad when your eyes wanders a little. I'm talking about the ones that just stop caring, because I am sympathetic to certain situations. I mean like I said, weight gain is life, but you can't give up the fight. :bazooka: :uzi: :flamet: :fight:

My greatest revenge is that I'm FINE as WINE and my former fiance is a double wide.

Yes, I'm bigger, but better. It's ALL good.

I do understand men being upset when they married a size 6 and she becomes a size 28, but likewise, they need to keep up their image. Why do some of this mammoth sized men want skinny women? If I was a size 6, I sure wouldn't want a man who weighed 400 lbs like my former fiance.

And to see a man with a HUGE belly and he's very unkempt sickens me. My friend has gained some weight and I got on him about his belly. He's exercising and I've noticed it has come down.

Just like men get upset over a big weight gain in women, we women do not want The Pillsbury Doughboy or Shamu the Whale either.

True VJ and Kente.

manasiac, I must say man that was BLUNT!!! BUT TRUE TRUE... But I see how you feel, I try to stay away from the skinny women right now, but I'm just not attracted to the voluptuous and above. But seriously I feel if yall can start a good workout habit before ya'll marry, and make it a mutual understanding that you gotta your head up and your weight down, i think you just might be alright. but yea I'm liking them sizes 4-8.

I think there is only one reason to let yourself go after you get married.....
You are sick and your sickness either makes it impossible or **** near impossible for you to lose weight.

All other reasons are invalid. However, there is one reason that also puts blame on the other party (husband or wife). If that other party stops giving compliments, stops bringing flowers, stop doing what he or she was doing before they got married. Regardless, you should strive to take care of yourself throughout your life, anything less would be uncivilized (SMILE).

Oh, an addition would be this:
When I say take care of yourself, I am not talking about clothes and hair. Rather about staying healthy. There is no way you are going to convince me being 120 pounds overweight is healthy.

That is a good reason for letting yourself go....being sick or confined to a bed. I think there is not excuse other than that and pregnancy...to a point...on either end. Have some respect for the person that vowed to spend their life with you!!!! I'd be pissed if I chained myself to a woman that could care less if she was the size of a house. That's rediculous. You don't have to be a super-model...but come on people....you can see fat coming a mile away. It doesn't just sneak up on you. The problem is people fool themselves and say...."well, I'll just go to the gym all week next week", when they now they won't. Next thing you know they've doubled in size.

MOST OF US WILL GAIN SOME WEIGHT AS WE GET OLDER, THAT'S A FACT. YEAH, I DO THINK THAT IT'S DISRESPECTFUL FOR HER TO BLOW UP TO DOUBLE HER SIZE WHEN YOU MARRY HER. I ALSO THINK IT'S DISRESPECTFUL FOR A FAT GUY TO RAG ON HIS WIFE ABOUT HER WEIGHT. THE BEST THING TO DO IS NOT TO GET ON HER, JUST KEEP YOURSELF LOOKING GOOD, MOST WOMEN WILL GET IN THE GYM WITH YOU. IF YOU LOOK GOOD SHE WILL WANT TO LOOK GOOD ALSO.Lets get real here. Should a woman gain weight after marriage, shes not being disrespectful. How lame is that????Has the thought come to you that theres many factors that cause unwanted weight gain? Hormones, stress, ect.
No one wants to be fat, but it can happen. For better or worse, Id love my lady no matter.I think some of you here sound shallow.

GP wrote: No one wants to be fat, but it can happen. For better or worse, Id love my lady no matter.I think some of you here sound shallow.

I just love positive comments!! :D

Lets get real here. Should a woman gain weight after marriage, shes not being disrespectful. How lame is that????Has the thought come to you that theres many factors that cause unwanted weight gain? Hormones, stress, ect.
No one wants to be fat, but it can happen. For better or worse, Id love my lady no matter.I think some of you here sound shallow.

I think most people would agree that there are certain instances when people have no control over the weight gain. And no, most people don't want to be fat even though they may be. But all fat people aren't helpless. I know people that are over-weight that complain to no end, but they never change their eating habits. They never drag themselves to the gym. They never run or even walk anywhere. Also, fat doesn't hit you in one day. When you see it coming....start doing something about it. Ok, not everyone has time to workout 2-3 hours a day, but anyone has time to eat better. I think it is unacceptable for people to gain alot of weight after marriage because that's saying "Hey, I got you. No need to impress or look good for you anymore. You're not going anywhere". Now, that's not disrespect? If you can't have respect for yourself and your body..at least have respect for you husband or wife. Now, if you have a reason why you can't do things to get yourself into better shape...then that's different.

All i know is that if a woman doesn't work out consistently (not a few months) before you met her, don't expect her to have mad that lifestyle permanent. Especially after marrage. Alot of women are social fitness buffs.


Black is Still beautiful!!!
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My Thoughts on this matter:Weight Gain after marriage is one of the reasons why I primarliy talk to short skinny and slender women.

Usually if a woman is a size 12 and she has 2 kids, then her size will be multipled by the number of the chirrenz, thus making her a size 24. Usually this happens alot with short women. Short women always blow up like ballons when they get chirrenz.

If the chick is like 6'0 and a size 12 and has a kid alot of times she do not blow up. But If I am gone marry something, I prefer it to be a size 0 to 6, and about a nice height of 5'9 and up. Because if you multiply dem sizes by chirrenz MY WIFE IS GOING TO BE THICK AND LOVELY AFTER DEM CHIRRENZ.

But seriously, I would probably divorce my wife if she blew up like the white house after we got married.

I do not play fat games. If you aint tall and thick please do not apply. Short Bowling Pins make me look ugly in public mayne.Man, that is shallow Fo'sho and I'm not even fat Bro!! C'mon now!!!!!

I think that I would work with her to see if the commitment is there. She'd have to also go alone sometimes because I'm not a gym rat. I hear you on that dating slim women because then if they do gain they won't be fat, they'll be thicker. I love short women, but if they are short and already thick with no kids, then that's true, they'll blow-up. I like women that are short and about a size 4-6. With a nice butt, but not a big one. That way if she has a baby then she won't be all out of whack later on....hopefully. I just like short slim women period. But if I loved her I would try to work with her also. I think alot of it is the spouses fault because if you see your man or women getting big...you need to say something. It doesn't have to be harsh, but speak on it. If I saw that she was not commited enough to try and do something about the weight I might have to leave, because I'm not trying to spend my life staying in shape just so I can walk around with someone that doesn't feel the need to impress me anymore.
:nuts:Kente, let me share sumtin' with you, not all women who have babies get fat-i didn't, in fact after i had my baby i lost more weight..now, the women that you may be turning down just because they may be a little thick may be your Queen in disguise ....so what if she's thick, i was thick too but my man stuck around to receive an better- improved version of me! You should Love someone regardless......

wow...reading all of these have been so funny to me...i've always been 5'3 and thick with a pretty face and hair and i recently lost 35 lbs...and it amazes me how superficial and shallow you men are...to focus on outward appearance and set a certain size requirement...i went from a 18 to a 9/10 and i'm still thick, i have the hips butt and the thighs but does that mean some guy that would be perfect with me would pass me by cuz i'm too thick and he thinks i'm gonna get fat....true i want to loose about 15 more pounds but i'm doing it for myself not any man....men if you REALLY love you woman and she gets big....y not help her loose weight instead of bringing her down...i mean d@mn ...she just went through hell to have ur baby...the least you could do is be sympathetic and help her loose weight...she'll already be unhappy with her size...it doesnt need to get worse...
i get more men approaching and talking to me than i thought i ever would and it kinda makes me wonder if they would have noticed me when I was bigger...are you guys really that superficial...???

...are you guys really that superficial...???

I don't see it as superficial. I think it's preference. I mean, there are certain body types that people like. I don't like BIG body types. Like I said, if I was in love with a woman that put on some weight, then I'd help her lose it. If I don't know you and there is no love, then it's not my responsibility. I like women that are slim and short. I don't want someone that is likely to blow up later on down the line. Some women think Fat is the same as thick. These are the women that are in denial and keep squeezing themselves into those hip hugging jeans and belly shirts. I think some women let themselves go and expect men to "suck it up" and stay around even though they didn't have enough self control and respect for their mate to stay in decent shape. Like we already pointed out, there are times when weight gain is unavoidable, but then there are times when people just don't give a d@mn. They don't care what they look like or what their mate thinks about it. Then when they get tired of looking at themselves in the mirror....you're supposed to cheer them on. It goes both ways...for men and women. Men slack too and it's just as bad and disrespectful.

1hotvirgowoman...I commend you, but I have yet to see that situation happen. More people should take pride in their appearance. I have seen women that get back to their original size, but those are women that were in pretty good shape to begin with.

......and it amazes me how superficial and shallow you men are...to focus on outward appearance ...are you guys really that superficial.......
so, how many fat dudes have you dated? :grin:

actually, it's biology.

the male is a visual animal.
we are looking for a good mate to bear our children and the first test is the visual.
same as any predator sizing up the herd, they look to see which individuals are healthy and which are not.
fat and tone are a very quick indicator of health and fitness.
if a woman can not feed herself properly how is she going to know how to feed her children?
men are stimulated by visuals, that doesn't make us shallow, it makes us men.

:slobber:

:happens: You took the vow,for better or worse until death do us part. What happened to that. You should be able to work together as a team..support each other, go to the gym together,find low fat alternatives to whatever the two of you are eating. Cuz the other person besides the one that got out of shape probably needs to shape up too physically or mentally.
Do it an uplifting way,dont demean the other person, and you guys will both will have a healthy marriage, healthy body, healty spirit. :couple:

:happens: You took the vow,for better or worse until death do us part.

See, they need to take these words out of the vows. They make people stick around who want to leave deep down in their hearts. :great:

See, they need to take these words out of the vows. They make people stick around who want to leave deep down in their hearts. :great:


Umm well they know that those words are in the vows lmao. Looks and money changes. If you can't deal with that..better off jackin off...lmao..your hand will never get fat on you :nuts:

If you can't deal with that..better off jackin off...lmao..your hand will never get fat on you :nuts:

You got that right. I'd rather do that than shovel through loads of unnecessary fat anyday. :laugh:

You got that right. I'd rather do that than shovel through loads of unnecessary fat anyday. :laugh:


Tssk. If your tail got overweight you would still want someone to love you. It's so many things that can make people fat...other than overeating. And people should look at both sides of the game. It's sad.

Tssk. If your tail got overweight you would still want someone to love you. It's so many things that can make people fat...other than overeating. And people should look at both sides of the game. It's sad.


I know and have acknowledge that there are acceptable reasons for gaining weight. I myself would not get fat unless it was something that I absolutely could not help. The problem with alot of people is they can help it, they just choose not to. Then they want people to grin and bare it. Is that fair. To marry a size 4 and then end up with a size 16? How is that fair. Is it fair for a woman to marry a nice slim man and then later on he has a hairy, sweaty beer gut? I would not get fat from over-eating because when I see the fat coming I'd change my diet or exercise more. Out of respect for myself and my woman.

I know and have acknowledge that there are acceptable reasons for gaining weight. I myself would not get fat unless it was something that I absolutely could not help. The problem with alot of people is they can help it, they just choose not to. Then they want people to grin and bare it. Is that fair. To marry a size 4 and then end up with a size 16? How is that fair. Is it fair for a woman to marry a nice slim man and then later on he has a hairy, sweaty beer gut? I would not get fat from over-eating because when I see the fat coming I'd change my diet or exercise more. Out of respect for myself and my woman.


Lets fight...what if this person stayed a size 4 and didn't take care of you..how would you feel. But I guess I have no choice but to respect your opinions :skillet: :hearts2:

wow...reading all of these have been so funny to me...i've always been 5'3 and thick with a pretty face and hair and i recently lost 35 lbs...and it amazes me how superficial and shallow you men are...to focus on outward appearance and set a certain size requirement...i went from a 18 to a 9/10 and i'm still thick, i have the hips butt and the thighs but does that mean some guy that would be perfect with me would pass me by cuz i'm too thick and he thinks i'm gonna get fat....i get more men approaching and talking to me than i thought i ever would and it kinda makes me wonder if they would have noticed me when I was bigger...are you guys really that superficial...?

LovelyGoldenOne:

No men aren't that superficial; however, you have to realize that men are different: The physical characteristics which some men find attractive are going to be different from one man to the next. There are some men who prefer thin women (brother Kente417Mojo & brotherJamesfromPhilly) are examples of these types of men. There are also brothers who like women to be "thick" (yours truly falls under this category). :D In addition there are men that like big women (or BBWs). None of these guys should be criticized for their physical preferences, that is their choice...their right.

Indeed for the male sex is of a physical nature (probably more physical than mental), unlike women, men can't perform unless he is physically/visually aroused by the female. Therefore it is quite possible that when you 1st start seeing a man, the way you are is the way he likes you. As a result, any radical physical changes (including gaining weight, or losing weight) will be a turn off. The best way to avoid a disapointment from one's mate is to talk to him...find out what he like or doesn't like (if you know in advance that a guy doesn't like "big" women, don't be suprised if he gets upset when you gain 50lbs). In the meantime don't worry about the men who aren't paying attention to you, instead focus on the ones who are (I'm sure you were getting interested looks even when you were at your heaviest).

..............The best way to avoid a disappointment from one's mate is to talk to him...........find out what he like or doesn't like..............
ladies, there's your plan.
get to know the man you are with!

even better, get to know the man that you are planing to be with BEFORE you get with him!
the mo U know, tha better it go :gossip:

ladies, there's your plan.
get to know the man you are with!

Simple advice, and basic reasoning...yet so few people do this. I think as a people, as a society, we make relationship more complicated than they need to be.

Lets fight...what if this person stayed a size 4 and didn't take care of you..how would you feel. But I guess I have no choice but to respect your opinions :skillet: :hearts2:

Oh definately, if a woman doesn't take care of me.....there is no "we". There are other important qualities, but I am a little picky. Everyone should be. Then maybe the divorce rate wouldn't be so high. Nisa, I can't fight with you. You look pretty handy with that pan so I'll wave my white flag cutie.:tongue:

1hot and lovely, I feel your comments. but usually I do not even approach women that are sizes and heights I do not like. The reason why is that I save them alot of wasted time.

I prefer to be alone than to roll with someone I am not feeling, I respect women enough not to waste their time.

What Boggles me, is that women can discrimihate on what men they date, but a brother cannot have no preference whatsoever.

I mean alot of women do not like short men, or Tall Atheltic Men (I got dissed for a short fude), you do not see me out here having a cow about it. I just go and seek the women who like Men who look me.

I see it like this: men like attractive women with good attitudes and women like guys with money and a little "thug" in them. I know these are generalizations, but the point is that everyone has preferences. I have a question I want to ask, but I think it may warrant it's own thread. I'll go and do it now.

Manasiac, I agree with you totally!. Atleast you are not stringing someone a long like some of these fellas' are doing nowadays. I'm quite sure the Ladies' appreciate that.

Solo, not all or even most women look for guy's that posess great wealth. I, for one could care less if the man that I was dating had a lot of money, just as long as he ain't lazy and a moocher!. And I Definatley don't want no thug or anything thug-like in my love life!. :nono:

What Boggles me, is that women can discrimihate on what men they date, but a brother cannot have no preference whatsoever.



That's the truth. Women act like if a man has preferences...he's being shallow. Women have preferences too. Maybe more than men do. Women judge wallet size, car, job, status, looks and all that. It's the same thing. Not all women of course, but I bet it's more than not. We (men) just want a woman in decent shape. What's wrong with that? I don't think anyone should have to deal with bad qualities unless they want to. Not because they feel the need to.

If people temd to shall we say "loose it" while in a relationship it is usually due to becoming 2 comfortable and not rembering the value of keeping ones self up. My opinion is keep one another in shape do things together and stay healthy!

Yup CaramelP., since they are not lookin' for the opposite sex anymore, most couples tend to let themselves go which I don't think it's fair to the partner. Sometimes it could be a silent bout of Depression, Loneliness despite having a partner or other contributing factors. I definately agree with you on that one, a couple should stay in shape and be healthy together-but, what if one of the partners(mainly the out of shape one) don't want to cooperate, then what?.

Kanye' style" Maybe We Can Work It Out" :cardio:

,,,,,,,,,,,,what if one of the partners(mainly the out of shape one) don't want to cooperate, then what?............
that's why the good lord invented divorce court, sweetie :bye:

Is this thread "Gaining weight after marriage" or "Why do women gain weight after marriage"?

There is almost nothing being said about men who get fat when they get a ring on a womans finger.

Pregnancy, while it doesn't cause perminant weight, gain does tend to shift things around a bit. Most women who do loose all the preg. weight still don't look exactly like they did before.

What's the mans excuse?

james,

The sad smiliey you posted made we want to cry.

What's the mans excuse?
who do you think feeds us? :massage:

who do you think feeds us? :massage:


That must be why my man isn't fat. I'm not that great a cook.

Man, you both are funny......
James, I'm too through with you on that subject, I would never divorce my man over that superficial junk!.But it was funny still.....

Indya, I happened to be one of the lucky ones who didn't lose my shape post-pregnancy. In fact, I was told I look even better than before-no lie!. My MOM on the other hand gained like 49 lbs when she had my Older Brother, she was shaped like Beyonce before she got pregnant,then, after my brother she looked like Hootie and The Blowfish,not trying to be funny but it's true.3 kids later, her and my Dad is still having marital problems because of her weight gain and they have been married for 30 yrs.But see, she gained weight because she ate whatever she wanted , she thought that that's what she was supposed to do(she was 19). She's Big but,dammit, She's Beautiful!.


P.S. I wish my Dad would tell her"I Like You Big Girl"

Is this thread "Gaining weight after marriage" or "Why do women gain weight after marriage"?

There is almost nothing being said about men who get fat when they get a ring on a womans finger.

My Post #39 ( and numerous post before that one).

It is also a man's problem. Men get those nasty beer guts and when they bend down they show their crack. Now, I'm sure no woman wants to see that "Plumber's crack". I don't see how that HOT. It's true that both sexes let themselves go and it's not fair to the man or woman. I do think women do it more (from what I've seen), but that doesn't make men anymore right than women are. I just don't see how people allow it. I mean, if I git fat and my woman was fine...I'd be scared. Plus, my sex drive would go down because I don't want to have to lift up a sheet of fat just to get busy. Mine or hers. That's not sexy at all.

You know what Kente. Your comment about how if you gained a couple of pounds and your G.F. was hot that your sex drive would be low made me think about my husband. He HAS put on a little Belly lately and he doesn't seem that interested in sex as much as he used to be. Do you think he is embarassed by his weight gain?. I never thought of it like that. Maybe he feels embarassed to bring it up with me even though he knows that I don't care @ all about it, 'cause see, I Likes'Em BIG!.What is a Man's perspective on his OWN weight gain?

..............What is a Man's perspective on his OWN weight gain?................
i hate my belly.
it has definitely been a factor in my lack of interest, i don't want to get undressed in front of no woman.

I think everyone here needs a hug! :grouphug:

You know what Kente. Your comment about how if you gained a couple of pounds and your G.F. was hot that your sex drive would be low made me think about my husband. He HAS put on a little Belly lately and he doesn't seem that interested in sex as much as he used to be. Do you think he is embarassed by his weight gain?. I never thought of it like that. Maybe he feels embarassed to bring it up with me even though he knows that I don't care @ all about it, 'cause see, I Likes'Em BIG!.What is a Man's perspective on his OWN weight gain?


It's the same as when a woman isn't secure with her body. A man has to deal with the images of great abs and huge arms too. Most men can't live up to that unless they hit the gym everyday and eat like a rabbit. It may be the case. Maybe he thinks that you're not as attracted to him because of it. I know I would have mixed feelings if put on weight. He might be a little embarrassed.

Thank You for your input on this situation, but, how can I get him to see that I don't care @ all about his weight gain?. I never tease him or make fun of him so I really don't get it!.In fact, he makes fun of himself,tho' I believe that he does this to ward off his own embarrassment. A couple of times I suggested that we walk together so that we both can reap the benefits from our excersising, he said"Yeah, Okay" but when I brought it up he said "Let's start next week". What can I do Kente?.

Thank You for your input on this situation, but, how can I get him to see that I don't care @ all about his weight gain?. I never tease him or make fun of him so I really don't get it!.In fact, he makes fun of himself,tho' I believe that he does this to ward off his own embarrassment. A couple of times I suggested that we walk together so that we both can reap the benefits from our excersising, he said"Yeah, Okay" but when I brought it up he said "Let's start next week". What can I do Kente?.

Well, IMO, if he isn't serious about losing the weight then he won't lose it. If it doesn't bother you then maybe that's why he doesn't take losing the weight seriously. I think he should do it for himself if it is messing with his sex life, but there is nothing you can do besides voice how you feel. If it bothers you that he's not as sexual then say something about it. You don't have to make it seem like you have a problem with his appearance, but just the fact that the sex is not the same and you would like to have sex with him more. The bottomline is he has to make the decision to change himself.

Well, IMO, if he isn't serious about losing the weight then he won't lose it. If it doesn't bother you then maybe that's why he doesn't take losing the weight seriously. I think he should do it for himself if it is messing with his sex life, but there is nothing you can do besides voice how you feel. If it bothers you that he's not as sexual then say something about it. You don't have to make it seem like you have a problem with his appearance, but just the fact that the sex is not the same and you would like to have sex with him more. The bottomline is he has to make the decision to change himself.



Yeah, Kente, you're right. Thank You so very much :smooch: