Hello all,
I am a virgin by choice and now I am at that point were I am truly ready. I am not seeing anyone right now and a friend of mine told me to just ask a friend to have sex with me to get it over with? I only have one male friend that I would consider but I think he has feelings for me and I would not want to hurt his feelings because I would just be using him. What do you all think?
:help:

Heyyy Sista Aisha!

Welcome to Destee's! Sister we also have voice chat and online classes. Drop in sometimes and hear the voices of our beautiful people. We have all kinds of discussions there also. Come in and share your voice!

As for what I think Sister, Let me ask you a question you can ask yourself, What makes you feel that you are ready? Is it hormones, curiosity, Love or all of the above? Sister may I ask how old you are? Because age too plays a huge factor in your question. You have a precious gift and to give someone apart of yourself that you won't ever get back is a very big step. Such a precious gift should be given to someone you love and loves you dearly. Sex is'nt all it's hyped up too be. What makes it wonderful is the bond that is shared between two consenting adults. Something you can cherish in your thoughts without regrets. Take your time. Wait for that special someone. It will be more exciting and passionate then giving yourself to someone you are not totally sure about. If you decide not to wait, please make sure you protect yourself! Condoms and birth controls should be excercise in your activity! Sex can be a dangerous experience if it's taken lightly! Please Sister, put more thought into this! Weigh the positive and the
negatives before you do something you might regret for the rest of your life.

first don't let no one tell you to have sex with anyone
also age play a big factor in sexuality i wouldn't do it
with a friend just to break virginity it's wrong to use one's body
secondly , how do you know your ready to break such a precious
jewel to a man that might not care , is it so wrong to save your self
for the right man a soulmate a husband ? what is the sutton Rush to
have sex is it out of peer presure? , mindful curiosity ? , you just want
to break virginity ? these are question you ask self and within deeply
know what you want and how u want it this not a game but a thing
to real know are you really ready to start this life's venture and know
the values of safe sex and how to protect self from the many things dat spreads
but i wouldn't do my friend .......i say no and it's wrong less this will be your mate
it can hurt the friendship you two have .

Dear Sister,

Listen to these guys. Everything changes after sex. If you think the man may like you but haven't given yourself time to really get into his heart before you get into his bed you will never get into his heart. But the atmosphere of your friendship will change no matter how much he reassures you that everything is okay. In your heart of hearts you will know that it is not.

Some people will urge you to go on and do things not because they care about you but because they want you to think they are cool. Use your own brain not your "friend's."

I know you will make a wise choice.

What i'll tell u will sound some strange but i think dat be a virgin nowadays is an honour!Just wait patiently n u'll find the appropriated person!Please follow my advice n sex will be very sweat n full of luv for ya!
Peace
Lloyd

You have a precious gift and to give someone apart of yourself that you won't ever get back is a very big step. Such a precious gift should be given to someone you love and loves you dearly. Sex is'nt all it's hyped up too be. What makes it wonderful is the bond that is shared between two consenting adults. Something you can cherish in your thoughts without regrets. Take your time. Wait for that special someone. It will be more exciting and passionate then giving yourself to someone you are not totally sure about

you said it perfectly purplemoons

Hello all,
I am a virgin by choice and now I am at that point were I am truly ready. I am not seeing anyone right now and a friend of mine told me to just ask a friend to have sex with me to get it over with? I only have one male friend that I would consider but I think he has feelings for me and I would not want to hurt his feelings because I would just be using him. What do you all think?
:help:

I think you should come to L.A. Just kidding sista. In my opinion you should not do it just to get it over with. Wait...the time will come. If you are ready, and have to have it now, I would go to a friend. I would suggest waiting though because you don't want to just do it because you have the urge. Not the first time anyways. I don't know..that's a tough one. My advice...just wait and the right time and person will present itself. There's going to be plenty of people trying to rush you....so don't rush yourself.

First I want to thank you all for your encouraging words and to PurpleMoons for such a warm welcome. To answer some of your questions, I am 26 years old and it is hormones and curiosity that has me wanting to do this. I also live in a prodominatley white city where about 98% of the black men turn thier nose up at black women and dont want anything to do with us. :cuss: There is a lot of interracial relationships here, so I feel at this point that the only black man I will get will only want me for sex. Not that I am ugly, I get lots of attention when visiting other places. Kente417 I am from LA so I'm feeling you there, I really think I would find love out there but not here. I was always that person that said I will wait until I fall in love or until I get married but I don't know how much longer I can wait. The guy that I think likes me pretty much wants to have sex with me. I have known him for 7 years and know what he is really up to I just don't know if I want to take a chance and find out that he is really seriuos about me. I know your virginity is special but again I am 26 and I feel like I really am missing out on something, especially when listening to friends talk about it.

Well, I'm 24. I lost mine at 16.. why? Because I wamnted to know what everyone was talking about. I wish I could forget my first. Not the most pleasent experience there. If I had to do it all over again, I'd have waited a bit linger, and at least for someone that I loved. (Hate is such a harsh word, don't you think?) Honestly, except for conceiving my son, I have no real use for sex in my life right now. That may disappoint some people, but I'm not here for them......... If you feel you are ready, nothing will stop you. However, you would do well to do yourself a favor and choose wisely. Remember, for every brother that passes you up, there is another one waiting for you.

MHO,
Toya

WOW your pretty old Aisha, I thought you where another 16 or 15 year old girl.

You may feel like you are missing something special but just think what makes it special. With anything else in life you know that if you want to make something special you don't just do it any old kinda way. You take your time, make thoughtful choices, consider what you are doing and h ow you are doing it. Here is a list of some of the things you will miss out on by waiting
1. regret
2. disease
3. unwanted pregnance
4. bad reputation (once it is becomes known that you are willing to have sex with someone who is just a friend you will be seen as a woman who doesn't have very high standards. Some unscrupulous men may even lie and say they did it with you and people will believe them because you did it before. You know how gossip goes. They don't give you the opportunity to deny it. People just start looking at you funny and showing a little less respect and you never know why. This can happen even if you just let it be known that you are looking for someone to have sex with even if you never actually do it. You may not care what peple say but the man who is that special someone who can make sex a wonderful experience may stay away if he thinks you are loose because a special man wants a special woman.)

bTW, I am 39 so don't let anyone tell you you're old. The bags you are packing now are the ones you will carry at my age.

I understand how you would be curious to know Sister. Listening to my girlfriends too arouse a desire for me to know also.

When I brokedown and experimented with sex. It was just awful. It was awful because no love was involved, Just lust. I cursed my girlfriends for fabricating thier first time. Not to say that your first time will be the same as mines but it is very much possible. Have you consider dating outside of your city? This can be an option for you. Also, one thing I've notice about hormones is it goes up and down. One minute you might feel sexual stimulated and the next minute you don't. I say this say, don't let your hormones influences your dicision because it too will pass. Your friends might tell you all the glamor of sex but secretly the might even envy your decision to stay a virgin! Just something to think about! Whatever you decide, I wish you love and happiness!

Thanks Ladies! I have decided with help from your encouraging words to just wait. I will try to date outside of my city, although the next big city is about 60 miles away, it is worth a try. I didn't think of having a bad reputation (thanks River) and I don't want that. Just so there is no misunderstanding, I do not regret waiting until 26 to have sex, again I am a virgin by choice. I chose that not just for myself but for my unborn children, I lived in a poor single family home and want better for my children. I am at the point in my life where I can at least provide a lot more for my children financially than what I had, which is more than what my friends that had children at an early age can say. So if I seem old then that's fine with me, because not having any children over the years keeps me looking good. :D Thanks again ladies and God Bless you all.

:wave: Heyy Aisha!

Here is an article by one of
our very own columnist
here at Destee's.
I thought it would make
an interesting read to
help assist you in
your struggles.

Here below is the link!

http://www.destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9590

WHY DON'T YOU DATE THE BROTHER AND GET TO KNOW HIM AS MORE THAN FRIENDS BEFORE YOU SLEEP WITH HIM. YOU NEVER KNOW, HE COULD BE THAT DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH. IT'S OBVIOUS THAT YOU DON'T SLEEP AROUND. SO THE FACT THAT YOU WOULD CONSIDER GIVING YOURSELF TO THIS GUY, TELLS ME THAT HE HAS VERY GOOD QUALITIES THAT YOU ADMIRE. WHO KNOWS, HE MAY BECOME WAY MORE THAN JUST A SEX BUDDY IN THE LONG RUN.

Bigtown may be right. The man may turn out to be that special someone or he may not. Be sincere when and if you do date this man. As women we know when a man is just dating us for sex and we write such men off as dogs. Now the shoe is on the other foot so do unto others...

I am glad you came to a decision. Stay centered Sistah

Nice article River. Thanks for sharing I will print and take a friend. :D

It seems that's all that's wanted of me (sex) these days, so I'm not sure what's going on with these women. Anyway, if you're not interested in a relationship with the dude then don't waste time sleeping with him. Wait it out, or if you just HAVE to do it then find a guy who only wants that with you. It appears you have decided to wait, which is cool. I hope you stick to your guns.