What disciplinary actions do you take with children who steal? I am experiencing a 10 year old who steals. She is not my child but she is like my child. I say this because she is here at my flat alot. On several ocassions I suspected that she was stealing from my house, But I did'nt want to accuse her unless I was sure. I was reluctant to inform her mother because I was'nt sure it was in fact her.
I have a large family full of children. My neighborhood is fruitful as well. Children flock to my house because they are friends of my children, neices, and nephews whom ages range from 14-4. If they are hungry or lonely or need someone to talk to or even just a place to go, my door is always opened.
When I was young, my mother was the same way and so am I. Well anyway, this child has stolen small things like a box of cake mix, earrings, and recently two coins that I collected. I asked my niece about it and if she had seen anyone with them. Her mouth dropped and just as I suspected it was this young child. I confronted her and asked her about it but of course she denied it. I told her that she did'nt have to lie to me but to admit that she was wrong. But she did'nt. So I told her that I was going to tell her mom in hopes that she would confess. Usually when she has done something I tell her this and she in turn tells her mom before I do and we discuss it.
However when I told her mother of this incident, although I sensed she doubted this, she still heard me out and admitted that in the past she has stolen from her. Her boyfriend asked me about it and replyed that he did'nt know her to steal as to accenuate that she don't. He suggested that I don't let her in my house anymore but my heart can't do that. I know here mother's situation with trying to hold down two jobs to support her family and she is gone most of the times.
Her partner is not her children's father and has'nt been around that long nor does he interfere with disciplining her two girls because of a past experience with another woman and her children. I know I am putting myself at risk of her stealing again, but I can't close my door on her. She is just a child who needs her mother to be home more but her mother needs to work to keep a roof over their heads. I just was wondering, what suggestions do you have for dealing with a child who steals?

Whoop her til them coins fall out her pocket. :nono: Just kidding.

Well, I would ban her from the house until the stuff turned up. In the meanwhile, if anything else comes up missing then you may be wrong about accusing her. That's a tough one. I think if you are pretty sure that she took it, you have to protect your stuff. What good will having a child with
sticky fingers in your house do? If you're not sure then I would say keep investigating and tell all the children that come in the house that if anything else comes up missing...no one will be allowed over...period. Somebody knows what's going on, and somebody will tell if "The Spot" is in jeopardy.

Thank you much Kente!
Those are somethings that I have considered But what concerns me also is That her mother works from 3pm until 10p at night. In the meantime these little ones are practically on their on. Her sister who is 11, tries to be as responsible for her 10 year old sibling as much as an 11yr old can. If something happens to them because I closed my doors I would feel terrible. As a parent, I feel sort of responsible for them and is having trouble breaking down my maternal ties that influences me to be concern for them as well. In my neighborhood I am one of the few parents who watch out for them as well as my sisters. It's going to be tough to go through this kind of withdrawel, But I know I need to draw a line somewhere.

Thank you for your suggestions! I could just whoop her though! :lol:

I hear you as far as keeping your door open goes. That's a very cool thing to do especially for kids that aren't related to you. Well, if I was in that situation I think I'd just make it clear (to everyone) that stealing will not be tolerated in my house. Then if it happens again, maybe you should consider it. I feel you though, because a 10 and 11 year old should not be left unattended for 7 hours. That's too much time to get into some nonsense.


Some suggestions:

1. Whoopin
2. Random search before leaving your house
3. Invest in a lie detector
4. Put locks on everything valued over $5.00
5. Pay one of the kids to be your informant (snitch)

I'm kidding (I'm in a good mood today) :tongue:

it could be a lack of parenting her and she had to pick it up from someone
stealing is a wrong thing to do , I try to teach my kids not to never pick anything
up that don't belong to them this starts in the house.
Now if you know for a fact this child is stealing a good spanking will do
and then a talking to sho them where it's wrong to steal and let them know
what happens to people who steal some not so lucky and lose their life over
taken something , even if it's a friends child if they stealing from your home
don't allow them back for a while and they will miss being around sometime
their is a simple solution to a problem
let me think on this and how to handle a child who visit steals without harm but
guiding to curb the stealing

That kid would have to earn my trust back and work off the debt....make her do things to ammount to the value you put on what was stolen.....dont hit no one elses kids. If you cant get her to stop and teach her right from wrong, tell her she is banned from your house.

Make the threat and give her a set ammount of time to learn the difference between right and wrong, and repay the debt......tell her if she did not live up to what you expect in the given period, she will not be allowed within your doors or even on your yard for a year. (and mean it!!)

it may be wise to tell her Mother and also let her know she can't come back
over to play until she learn that stealing is wrong and admit she took something from your home i agree with MrBlak statement and mean what you say but it's the right
thing to do and tell her mom what she doing the problem lay within somewhere at
home maybe her mom not giving enough attention kids do things for attention
sometime they like something and will pick it up and keep it not understanding it was
stealing she could be confused about what stealing really is a talking to may help

Wow! Just look at the voices of my Brothers! :D
I read all of yous suggestions earlier but could'nt
respond right away. I was'nt home and did'nt have time.
I think all of yall suggestions are great and I will apply
them to my situations. I'm also surprised that my sisters
did'nt spray no knowledge up in here.
YOU GUYS ARE WONDERFUL! :jumping:
Brotha Kente, your comment forced me to find humor in this
stressful situation and I thank you for makin me Smile!
You have all blessed me with great ideas and I truly appreciate them
from the core of my soul! :kiss: :grouphug: :thanks:

PurpleMoons, I tried to start a coin collection as well....but I kept running out of money, and I had to spend them. ;) Kente417Mojo had great advice. Although you want to help these kids (which is admirable), you also have to protect your valuables. Until you find out whodoneit......lock up all your stuff & nail everything down!

I tried to start a coin collection as well....but I kept running out of money, and I had to spend them.

Lol! It's funny you should mention this because that is what sent me after the coins in the first place. LOL!

I've been collecting the state coins every since they came out. The philadelphia mint and the denver mint. I have all the Philadelphia mints and most of the denver ones. I have'nt seen any for this year as of yet.

The two coins that has gone missing is the gold indian head dollar. That one is easy to replace but( please bare with my spelling of this one) The Susan bieantnie coin I have'nt seen for years now and hope I come across it again.

Unfortunately Brotha Panafrica, I know it was her because everytime something has gone missing she was the only one around at the times. Also I have retrieve items from her that she attempted to take. She tried to past the blame off on someone else but the items was in her possession. I should have pulled her card on it then and there, but I thought that the humility of being caught would have straightened her out. I know as a kid, that did it for me me. I was wrong not to get her mother involved in those incidents. I know better now.

Sister PurpleMoons ... when i first read this, i didn't know what advice i could possibly give. Bless your sweet heart. It's a blessing that this Sister / Mother has you as a friend. With her working 2 jobs, man, she should recognize the blessing you are to her, and help you raise her child ... as properly as yall can. This story has so many more important issues in it, than if the baby is stealing or not. She's 10 years old and can't be held totally responsible for what she is doing. Her Mother is required to work 2 jobs in order that they survive, which keeps her away from the babies. She has a man (living with them?) that is questionable. Is she leaving the children with him, then they come down to your house? Obviously he's not available or willing to help take care of the babies, which might not be a bad thing since you mentioned some incident with other children ... and my mind is thinking the worst. Protecting our babies from being violated by adults is a much greater concern than protecting them from stealing. I aint no psychologist or nuth'n ... but what if something already happened, and this is the reason for her "acting out." I don't know Sister, i'm just sharing what my mind is thinking. I don't mean to make the burden on you any heavier. You are not her Mother, and you really can't be ... you can be the support system that you have been, for as long as you can. Only you can determine how far you can go.

As far as the baby goes, i'd talk to her. Just me and her. I'd let her know how much i love her, and how much i love having her visit with me. Let her know that she can talk to me if she wants to, about anything. That i'd do anything for her that i could. I would let her know that i am more than willing to be here for her ... but i must be able to trust her ... in oder to do these things. I would then talk about how important trust is, and if you can't trust a person, you don't even want to be around that person. How a person you can't trust, will lie, steal, cheat ... do anything ... and this is not a good person. I would tell her that i believe she took my stuff and i cannot live in my own house and have to watch my stuff ... because that would mean i live with people that i can't trust ... and that's a terrible way to live.

Sister Purple ... if it were me, i think i'd continue to embrace the child. Her Mother's not there, her Mother's boyfriend is only bringing more issues to the table it seems ... gosh ... does he work ... why does she have to work 2 jobs and she has a man living with her ... :smash: ... okay okay okay ... calm down Destee ... but gosh ... what do we expect from our children when we choose the ugliest of situations for our own lives, as examples for the babies to follow!

Sister Purple ... you're so sweet, and i can feel the Spirit in you, that makes you want to be the one to reach out and help ... but it can be a blessing and a curse ... because even after feeling the joy of doing all you could, you feel the pain of your heart yearning to do more.

God Bless You and All Yo' Chiren! :love:

:heart:

Destee

I hear you Sister Destee. Yes, the man lives with her and helps out with the bills. He has'nt been there that long, Maybe about four months the most. This sister has always been a hard worker, even before he came along. I worry about children being violated by adults as well. I have experienced such violations. Thats why it's hard for me to close the doors on any child. I had no one I felt that I could tell without being looked upon awkwardly. Surely I could have told my mother, I was more afraid of the reaction that it might have caused her, and my father was a much respected man because of the way he handled certain situation. I could'nt tell him, I would have lost him to prison or worst. These things darken my mind as well. Most of the children do confide in me and talk to me about things that trouble them.

A wonderful thing happened this morning after my last post. My neighbor(her mother) came up to disscuss a little further the actions of her daughter. She felt embrassed and was very apologetic. She said her daughter cofessed to her that she took the coins, Which I thought was a good start for her baby to begin to understand how important it is why she most not steal. she wanted to ban her from my house as well and I told her why I felt we should'nt do this. We both agreed to allow her to continue to visit and came up with a means of discipline for her actions. After she does her chores she is to face me. Her allowance is handed to me and I will give her some chores as well to do for the disappointment that too has afflicted us both. When she came up to give me her little monies, Lookig so innocent and watery eyed, She apologized and I gave her a big hug. I told her that I was'nt mad at her but very dissappointed and that she has to understand why it is very important why she must not do this. She held her little beautiful head down and I told her I'll see her later.

Sometimes It takes a village to raise a child. I did'nt have that opportunity with my children because time has changed alot of people views. Hopefully our comming together will help build this method by example. Just maybe, when our children have children of their own, they to will have the support of their community.

Yes it is a blessing and a curse Sister. But I rather be cursed trying to help our future thrive.

:toast: Glad to hear it worked out in the end.....you are doing a great service to your community and are the kind of neighbour I want once I start a family and settle down.

You never know what can happen Mr.Blak. If we begin to pay all the good things that people have done for us forward, By the time you are ready to start your family, your neighborhood just might be a village of support. :love:

Thievery is a major turn off for me. I have a nephew who needs deliverance from this problem and hope it's not too late.

He's not allowed in my home. He's also very destructive when he visits people's home. I have zero tolerance for stealing, but if the child is very young, they need a talking to. This nephew is 16 and has been in detention homes, but not cured of his problem.

I told him that he was not allowed in my home and he was very angry about it. I told him to DEAL WITH IT because I would BEAT him if he took something from me and I had 100% proof that he did it.

Might sound cruel here, but I don't tolerate stealing. My daughter had that problem and when I called the police on her, it scared her STRAIGHT. Those officers shooked her up so badly that you can leave a $100 bill on your dresser and she wouldn't breathe near it.

If the problem is not nipped in the bud, it will get to the point that they will go in stores and steal.

My son is a security guard and thievery is a daily occurrence at the department store he works at. (He shared with me that the majority of the thieves are employees and the customers are mainly white. Hmmmmm.)

Hmmmm! I don't know if I would be tolerable of a 16yr old relative stealing from me as I would a younger child.

I have'nt had that experience. Thank you for bringing this up! I hope that he can change his ways and I know it is possible for him to change.

This brings a question to my mind, When or at what age should we close the doors on our children? How do we determine when teaching them whats right is a lost cause?

I try to be always hopeful for the best. I am aware that it do turns for the worst. But there is still hope!

Children grasp so much knowledge in their early years. And this is when we have to start teaching them.

We teach them to share their toys, not to play with matches, etc. My kids were taught NOT to pick up things in the store unless I told them. In other words, they didn't just grab candy or a book.

They were taught to ASK for it. If I had the money, I would buy it; otherwise, I would explain that I would get it next time.

The nephew was raised in very unloving conditions (with his mother). His father got custody of him when he was about 12 years old, so at the time, the boy was already lying and stealing.

The boy will go in the store with his dad and is forever taking things, not paying for them. He has a very bad attitude and as for me, I can't be bothered with him. I have tried to reach out to him, but with no good results. My son was going to strangle him for cussing me out, but I told him it's not worth it - just don't hang around him. My son could be a positive example for him, but he does not want to be with him on a stealing spree - you hang with someone who steals, they will usually arrest you as an accomplice.

We have to teach at a very early age and also lead by example. My daughter made negative choices, but when those cops scared her, she stopped. The officers admired what I did even though it was painful. As one officer told her that her mother was trying to keep her from making serious mistakes in life, because eventually, thieves get caught.

I have stolen from my mother before and my family members, so I will say what I think helped me to stop from stealing and committing other acts of crime.

I honestly think there are some kids who really need to see some jail time, sometimes jail works and for others it does not. In my case it did not, after spending 1 year incarcerated I got back out and did 10 months in life and was locked up again for another 2 years for other charges.

I was not afraid of cops, I assaulted them and got beat up a few times, and I created an image in my mind of them being an enemy; thus, I got colder.

Some kids go to jail once and never come back it frightens them and scares them straight. Sometimes it is good but some of us, it is not.

However, I think the key thing that helped me end my criminal career was the fact that I took responsibility for my own actions. I stopped blaming the white man, my parents, my environment, my problems; I realized that I was the person causing the problem.

Once I made this realization, I was able to stop catching felonies and I stopped stealing, selling drugs and everything else I was doing.

I believe that if parents instill this accountability early in their kids. They will not have to worry about some of these problems when they become teens. Too many times, we blame other sources for our kids’ problems, when the problem is really with our children.

I personally believe that no white man or any other person made me commit crimes, I know others have different opinions, but as for my life and me. I know I was responsible. Once I established the responsibility, I changed. Of course, it was not overnight but eventually it came.

Once someone stole from me, I realized the trouble I caused other people, once I had a friend addicted to crack, everything hit home. I truly believe that what goes around comes around. In addition, I am glad it came around in my life at an early age, because I was heading for State Prison on a scholarship.

I must also add, please do not abandon the child; the worst thing we can do is leave the child to the custody of this society. If my mother had given up on me, I would have been in prison, another hole in time. I know it seems difficult, but please do not give up on the kids, just be there for them when they need you the most.

I know change can come; I went from catching Felonies to Filmmaking. From Stealing to winning Speech Championships Nationally, and a host of other things that a boy who was called a failure is now a man preventing the failure of others.

Nevertheless, with all this said the only way change can come is if the person wants it, if they are not accountable for their own actions, this catharsis will never take place.

Thank you for reading.

This is not a cure for all, but it is one way I believe that can help.

Thank You Brother Manasiac for
sharing such a personal experience.

It is indeed a challenge to stand firm
on the faith and hope when we see
our children steadily moving on a
fast pace to prison and or death.

Your testimony is proof on how
our children can change their
ways of thinking. How faith
and hope for our children
should'nt be pushed aside when
their path seems dark.

As adults we should constantly remember that we are not going to be around forever. Our very own children are the ones who are going to set the pace for our Grandchildren. We want their environment to be as healthyand safe as possible for them to grow and learn from. We should'nt turn our backs on the children who are stumbling towards destruction. No, we can not save them all. Many will fall by the wayside, But those who make the most positive changes will voice over the ones who are still falling. If the number of crime and death increase beyond the number of children who try to maintain the straight and narrow, Then our grand children will be in a state of emergency.

So I agree with you Manasiac, That we should not turn our backs on our children, but instead keep trying to find other methods to make them realize that the first step out of a destructive situation is taking responsibility for their very own actions.

Thank you Vj57 and Manasiac for shining much knowledge on this topic! :thanks: