The National Fatherhood Initiative has started a bus advertisement campaign to promote fatherhood in black communities. Featured on many buses & benches are pictures of black children giving messages of their disappointment over not having a father in their lives. While I appreciate the overall point, I am not sure how effective this will be. I think the breakdown of the black family (of which the decrease of the black father is a major part), is one of our most important issues. However I wonder if these ads are over-simplifying an extremely complex issue, much like the "just say no" ads over-simplified drug abuse during the 1980s. What does the rest of my Destee family think? Can an absent father be shamed into becoming a part of their children's life?

I am a child with an absent biological father and I do not believe he would be shamed into becoming what I call a father.He is simply the man who helped make me I believe.I love him,but he does not deserve that title as a father.I don't think a bunch of pictures of children wanting their fathers should make him want to be in my life.He should do it on his own and maybe I would appreciate it. :deal:
thanx for sharing this :wink:

A sad face of some black child, alone at a bus stop will, not phase the mindset of man who is removed emotionally, physically and psychologically from his own seed. I also wonder how many of these fathers are absent because they are imprisoned, dead or otherwise, taking into consideration the state of the black male population today. Also, I personally know many black fathers who are very involved in their child or children’s lives. Unfortunately, it is my belief that they are often overlooked and do not have a voice in the efforts made to re-build fatherhood in the black community.

I’m wondering what studies were conducted and what the data revealed to implement the strategy of which the campaign was based. Logically, there should have been surveys conducted with absent fathers, I don’t know this but the campaign should be designed around the mindset of an absent father, whatever that may be. I personally, would rather see compelling statistics regarding the futures of these children as well as two-fold campaign that also speak to mothers regarding decision-making and behavioral patterns that may also be contributing to this vicious cycle.

This subject has some many layers and so many directions to which it could be handled; it’s hard to wrap your arms around it. I think that we should be looking at more solution based campaigns to help the children who have immediate needs such as our black children who are wards of the state, roughly making up 40 to 45 % of adoptable children in the US and numbers that double in large cities.

I don’t think we can wait for absent fathers to step up; our energies should be invested into programs that have proven to offer effective mentorship, self-esteem building and social/academic/life planning direction to our fatherless or orphan children.

Just a few thoughts, I’ll stop here because this subject is so comprehensive but in short, I agree, I don’t think the campaign will be effective. Shame is not the answer.

A sad face of some black child, alone at a bus stop will, not phase the mindset of man who is removed emotionally, physically and psychologically from his own seed. I also wonder how many of these fathers are absent because they are imprisoned, dead or otherwise, taking into consideration the state of the black male population today. Also, I personally know many black fathers who are very involved in their child or children’s lives. Unfortunately, it is my belief that they are often overlooked and do not have a voice in the efforts made to re-build fatherhood in the black community.

I’m wondering what studies were conducted and what the data revealed to implement the strategy of which the campaign was based. Logically, there should have been surveys conducted with absent fathers, I don’t know this but the campaign should be designed around the mindset of an absent father, whatever that may be. I personally, would rather see compelling statistics regarding the futures of these children as well as two-fold campaign that also speak to mothers regarding decision-making and behavioral patterns that may also be contributing to this vicious cycle.

This subject has some many layers and so many directions to which it could be handled; it’s hard to wrap your arms around it. I think that we should be looking at more solution based campaigns to help the children who have immediate needs such as our black children who are wards of the state, roughly making up 40 to 45 % of adoptable children in the US and numbers that double in large cities.

I don’t think we can wait for absent fathers to step up; our energies should be invested into programs that have proven to offer effective mentorship, self-esteem building and social/academic/life planning direction to our fatherless or orphan children.

Just a few thoughts, I’ll stop here because this subject is so comprehensive but in short, I agree, I don’t think the campaign will be effective. Shame is not the answer.


Maybe this campaign should have started when the first white man raped our women on the plantation and refused to recognize the child as his own.

I don't know if you can shame a male-child into being a man and father to his children. That has a lot to do with the character or lack of. I think if a male does not want to grow up and take responsibilty, shaming might have the opposite effect. It's either in them to do it or it's not in them.

Peace Sekuma

I’m not sure what your saying or what your statement has to do with my previous remarks…

But your reply seems contradictory and somewhat vague…

You say

I think if a male does not want to grow up and take responsibility, shaming might have the opposite effect.


And then you say…

It's either in them to do it or it's not in them.


Could you elaborate? Help me to understand your point.
Do you feel a campaign premised on the strategy of “Shame” will work or not?

First of all my name is Sekhemu, not sekuma, please be careful with the name!
There no contradictions in my reply to this thread. Once again. if a male does not have it in his character to be a father, then it's just not in him. How much simpler can I make this. In addition. By shaming him you may cause an opposite effect. In other words he could lash out at the mother or the child, or if he does decide to take time to spend with the child, he would be doing so under duress and I doubt his actions would be from the heart.

With respect to the actions of white males during slavery. Think about it... white males are privilaged. after 250 years of Miscegeny, how many white plantation owners will admit to having a child by a black woman, much less raising him like a norman human being.

So if you wanna go around sounding the alarm about the absentee black father, let's start with white males first.

So I say, not every male makes a good father. some may indeed make a good husband, but a poor father. To be quite honest. Too many sistahs are not taking the time to find out the difference of the two, before they open their legs to these fellahs This is part of the problem

I do not think that men can be shamed into being fathers. Some of the place themselves in or are in insurmountable circumstances which prohibit that or they just plain out do not care.

As for me my father tried to be in place however, he was a victim of the prison game. And he languished in prison and when he came home when I was about one or two (Paraphrasing from mama), he was hanging out with too many dope dealers and hoods and thus my mama raised up.

My Father was not able to be a father because he had too much to deal with in his own life as a man. An Attempt at fatherhood by him would have been futile because he had his own demons which would have inhibited him from doing so.

However, he did try sometimes to come into my life and my bitterness and anger rejected his pleads to try to be a dad. Thus I think in some situations it is a two way street. People hold onto to bitterness and anger too much and they push their fathers away; moreover, I understand that the person has a right to be angry and bitter because of their father being transparent and not a parent; but still, their must be some comprise. Angerness and bitterness will only make the situation more dilapidated than it already is.

Last year I decided to write my father a letter and apologize for my bitterness and anger towards him:

http://www.manasia.net/dad.htm

In doing so I released a lot of bitterness towards him but I also created a path for change in his life. It seems that after that letter he is finally on the right track, he is doing pretty good for himself right now, he has a few things to work on, but he is doing better than his usual which is prison.

I truly believe that programs must be created in order for others to fill in the role of missing fathers, blaming the white man does nothing. For 24 years I blamed the white man and guess what, My Daddy was still absent. It was not until I took the first step forward that he actually was able to rest easy within in his soul; thus, creating an environment perfect for catharsis which now has made this boy finally become a man.

In conclusion, I believe that shaming is not going to help anything, there is a mode of shaming right now within the court system (I.E. Locking you up for not paying child-support, taking away your license, garnish wages and etc.) but these methods are usually ineffective. Deadbeat dads are released usually within in a 6 month period and are back to their same old ways, or they just pay support and never show up. Another alternative to solving this problem with education; I think that people should be educated about childbirth and the consequences of it, I think that people should practice safe sex and to be honest with you, I think people should try to abstain until they are married; however, I know that is difficult so with that said safe sex should be practiced. I think boys and girls should have more classes in school which deal with raising families and the consequences of having them when you are not ready. And the last key ingredient is love. We ought to love that missing father, we should not hate because hate suppresses our divinity; but with love comes peace and understanding and a sound mind; however, this does not mean just take your missing father back with full exoneration, it simply means love and forget not because when you hate and always remind, you only get more angry, bitter and frustrated.

Thank you for reading my post and if it was convoluted I will be happy to clear up the confusion and chaos.

Maybe this campaign should have started when the first white man raped our women on the plantation and refused to recognize the child as his own.

I don't know if you can shame a male-child into being a man and father to his children. That has a lot to do with the character or lack of. I think if a male does not want to grow up and take responsibilty, shaming might have the opposite effect. It's either in them to do it or it's not in them.

I didn't think it was possible, but for the first time, I agree with you...100% :spinn: It definitely has to be in him. Shucks, you can't even shame a man into pulling up his pants so that the bottom of his butt cheeks will not show. Instead he appears to have this shameless pride that leads him to believe that women love to see this type of material...not realizing gays really love it. So if you can't shame them into improving their appearance, you certainly can shame them into taking care of their children...as you said, that's something that's either in them or not.

Joyce

It seems like you are on another subject.......but I get what you are saying

It seems like you are on another subject.......but I get what you are saying


Everything I said is inter-related :)

I didn't think it was possible, but for the first time, I agree with you...100% :spinn: It definitely has to be in him. Shucks, you can't even shame a man into pulling up his pants so that the bottom of his butt cheeks will not show. Instead he appears to have this shameless pride that leads him to believe that women love to see this type of material...not realizing gays really love it. So if you can't shame them into improving their appearance, you certainly can shame them into taking care of their children...as you said, that's something that's either in them or not.

Joyce


True, True, True. Yes you're right.... gays are definately loving the booty and underwear being exposed. It is my understanding that this way of wearing pants comes out of prison. Hmmmmmmmmm :fairy:

Again I think this is too complicated of an issue for a "shame" bus advertisement campaign to deal with. There are many factors which contribute to the extremely high number of fatherless households in the African American Community. Imprisonment is one factor, economics is another, as is societal & family norms. Fatherhood is a learned behavior, men learn how to be fathers from their fathers. I am a black man who is involved with my child (1 daughter to this point). Being a father to any & every child I have was never an issue to me, because that is how I was raised. More specifically I learned that a man should take care of his children by watching my father, who has always been in my life. My father learned how to be a man & a father by watching my grandfather (who learned how to be a father by watching his). I say all this not to brag, but to illustrate how patterns & values within an individual household influences the behavior of children.

In most African American families there is no father present in the home, and as a consequence, most African American men don't have a clear reference of fatherhood. In most single mother households the children grow up to also become single parents, which leads to a societal acceptance within the black community, that it isn't necessary to be married or committed to have children. The historical origins of this does indeed go back to the days of slavery, as Sekhemu pointed out. It was during slavery where the black family was 1st broken apart. From white slave masters fathering children with female slaves, to slaves being forbidden to marry, to slave fathers being sold to different plantations than their children. These patterns, which took place over hundreds of years corrupted the image of the black family in America. The welfare policies which give financial aid to poor families so long as the father isn't present, has further perverted the formation of the African American family. Many African American families have not recovered from these historical events, and it would be naive of us to not factor them into the current state of the black family. There have indeed been systematic efforts by the government to promote fatherless ness within the black community.

This point is further proven when comparing fatherhood in other black communities in the Diaspora. No other black community in the world (Africa, the West Indies, or Europe) has the high percentage of absent fathers that exist in the African American community. What we have in this country is not common to black people, it is unique to African American, and we need to take an in-depth look into why that is.

Again I think this is too complicated of an issue for a "shame" bus advertisement campaign to deal with. There are many factors which contribute to the extremely high number of fatherless households in the African American Community. Imprisonment is one factor, economics is another, as is societal & family norms. Fatherhood is a learned behavior, men learn how to be fathers from their fathers. I am a black man who is involved with my child (1 daughter to this point). Being a father to any & every child I have was never an issue to me, because that is how I was raised. More specifically I learned that a man should take care of his children by watching my father, who has always been in my life. My father learned how to be a man & a father by watching my grandfather (who learned how to be a father by watching his). I say all this not to brag, but to illustrate how patterns & values within an individual household influences the behavior of children.

In most African American families there is no father present in the home, and as a consequence, most African American men don't have a clear reference of fatherhood. In most single mother households the children grow up to also become single parents, which leads to a societal acceptance within the black community, that it isn't necessary to be married or committed to have children. The historical origins of this does indeed go back to the days of slavery, as Sekhemu pointed out. It was during slavery where the black family was 1st broken apart. From white slave masters fathering children with female slaves, to slaves being forbidden to marry, to slave fathers being sold to different plantations than their children. These patterns, which took place over hundreds of years corrupted the image of the black family in America. The welfare policies which give financial aid to poor families so long as the father isn't present, has further perverted the formation of the African American family. Many African American families have not recovered from these historical events, and it would be naive of us to not factor them into the current state of the black family. There have indeed been systematic efforts by the government to promote fatherless ness within the black community.

This point is further proven when comparing fatherhood in other black communities in the Diaspora. No other black community in the world (Africa, the West Indies, or Europe) has the high percentage of absent fathers that exist in the African American community. What we have in this country is not common to black people, it is unique to African American, and we need to take an in-depth look into why that is.


Very well said, you spelled out many of the points I made and added some very crucial ones as well brotha

Peace

True, True, True. Yes you're right.... gays are definately loving the booty and underwear being exposed. It is my understanding that this way of wearing pants comes out of prison. Hmmmmmmmmm :fairy:

:driveby:Now that's a thought! That is probably why we are having such a noticable problem with some black men in the "down low" syndrome. Prison has got to have something to do with it. But that's another subject ain't it. Why don't you start the thread and we do some discussion on it???

Joyce

sure thing

*Ahem* getting back to the topic:

Karen Hunter (a fantastic journalist, and radio personality in the NYC area) wrote an article for the NY Daily News about shaming young ladies into not becoming teen mothers. Her comments quite easily applied to out of wedlock births in general. She was lamblasted by angry sistas, who questioned her motives & approach. Although I don't think "shame" is the answer, I pretty much agreed with what sister Hunter said. I again think it has become accepted in the African American community that having children out of wedlock with no committment (or no clear committment) is okay. Children are being created in our community with no regard to what type of father these children will have (no regard to the type of man, the woman is having unprotected sex with). The proof of all these patterns is the lack of birth control being used among sexually active people in the African American community. The affect of this is that we have a community full of broken homes & an extremely high STD rate. Both patterns severly limits the prosperity of the community. Shame? Everytime I see these stats...everytime I see a family struggling without a father's support, I feel enough shame for 20 men. However, my shame won't help them, because I am taking care of my family. What we don't need is shame, what we need is education. We have to educate people in the African American community. We have to educate black men about the importance of being a father to their children. We have to educate black women about their choices of sexual partners, and what to value in a man (quality of character, instead of flash). We have to educate both about the value of the two parent household, about the importance of using birth control, about the importance of abstinence.

here is a link to the Karen Hunter article mentioned in the previous post:

http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/157629p-138208c.html

I truly believe that programs must be created in order for others to fill in the role of missing fathers, blaming the white man does nothing. I believe that shaming is not going to help anything, there is a mode of shaming right now within the court system (I.E. Locking you up for not paying child-support, taking away your license, garnish wages and etc.) but these methods are usually ineffective. Deadbeat dads are released usually within in a 6 month period and are back to their same old ways, or they just pay support and never show up. Another alternative to solving this problem with education; I think that people should be educated about childbirth and the consequences of it, I think that people should practice safe sex and to be honest with you, I think people should try to abstain until they are married; however, I know that is difficult so with that said safe sex should be practiced. I think boys and girls should have more classes in school which deal with raising families and the consequences of having them when you are not ready. And the last key ingredient is love. We ought to love that missing father, we should not hate because hate suppresses our divinity; but with love comes peace and understanding and a sound mind; however, this does not mean just take your missing father back with full exoneration, it simply means love and forget not because when you hate and always remind, you only get more angry, bitter and frustrated.

This is all very well said Manasiac. Education is the only method that can begin to make a impact on this situation. Programs like the National Fatherhood Initiative are a good idea, but we need something specifically for the black male. While there are many similarities towards raising children across race, too many issues affect the African American/Black family specifically that needs to be addressed. Chief among these specific barriers to fatherhood is the prison system, and the economy. If a man can not get a job, or is imprisoned, then his ability to take care of his children is obviously limited. Providing mentors for children without fathers is also important, as is providing education about planned parenthood. The fact of the matter is, this is a political issue...one of the highest importance. Drug Use, High Unemployment, High Prison Population, Poor School Systems, and a High Number of Single Mother Homes (estimates between 66-77%) are all inter-related. There are direct correlations between these trends within the African American community.

This is all very well said Manasiac. Education is the only method that can begin to make a impact on this situation. Programs like the National Fatherhood Initiative are a good idea, but we need something specifically for the black male. While there are many similarities towards raising children across race, too many issues affect the African American/Black family specifically that needs to be addressed. Chief among these specific barriers to fatherhood is the prison system, and the economy. If a man can not get a job, or is imprisoned, then his ability to take care of his children is obviously limited. Providing mentors for children without fathers is also important, as is providing education about planned parenthood. The fact of the matter is, this is a political issue...one of the highest importance. Drug Use, High Unemployment, High Prison Population, Poor School Systems, and a High Number of Single Mother Homes (estimates between 66-77%) are all inter-related. There are direct correlations between these trends within the African American community.


Indeed, well said Manasiac. Excellent points you and Panafrica
Panafrica I read Karen Hunter's article written a couple of months ago. I agreed with just about everything she said, save for the shaming unwed teenage mothers. But her point was well taken. SHame is lost in the black community to a large degree. This has a lot lack of guidance.

Peace

Thank you brother Pan for reading :-) and thanx brother Sek.

I'm pressed for time and didn't have time to read all the responses, but I will get back to them.
As far as absent fathers being shamed into taking care of their children...I believe this may work for some absent fathers. I personally have tried to show my childrens dad (my husband)the shame in not doing for his children. How having money, but spending it on new shoes, expensive name brand clothes, and even giving friends money while I struggle with the needs of his children has no honor in it. Still he's not shame, nor does he care. I had to realize nothing I said or did would make him stand up and be responsible. What did slightly affect him was his children asking for things...lQQking him straight in the eyes..He knows he needs to do more. Lack of heart and will that's what I think the problem is. It may take children telling how their lives were affected not having a father there to make some men realize the importance of being a positve figure in their childs life. I don't believe every father will be touched because the truth is many fathers are not there is because they don't want to be. So whatever method we come up with, I still believe it's a matter of will, the will to do the right thing.

You bring up the other side of the table Nita.....from those who aren't able, to those who aren't willing.

...and I relied on Him to provide for me and my children.

It's not easy raising children alone, but somehow I made it. Even when I didn't acknowledge Him, God was always there for us. I didn't have to prostitute myself to have food on the table. One friend of mine shared with me how she had to have sex with the baby's daddy in order to get money for food.

It never has to come to that. And that is the wrong thing to do.

No matter how my daughter's father would lie about me or try to put his wife in the position of "mother", it never worked. They didn't want me to have any interactions with her when she moved in with them. But, bear in mind, I had already raised her from infancy. She was 19 when she moved in with them, so I had already taken care of business.

The root problem was that he was already SHAMED. It didn't take me to badmouth him; people who knew me and my character were aware of his neglect of the child. He was in the limelight years ago and people were shocked when it was revealed that he had a daughter. Very shocked because he never mentioned it.

My son's father kept away from his son, too, due to being scared to ruffle his wife's feathers. The child was born a few years before she came into the picture, and yet he raised her daughter who was fathered by another man.

My son does not hate his dad even though it took nine years for him to come back into his life. He loves him just the same. The reason is that my grown son is a Christian and we are taught to LOVE. He keeps in touch with his father and I would overhear him telling his dad that he loves him.

I talked with his father some time ago and he shared with me his regrets for not being there for him. That is his SHAME. And not once have I ever told my son that his dad was "no good". When my son was in high school, he would spend winter and spring breaks with his dad and half-brother. I made sure he's in touch with his other paternal relatives, including his grandmother. There has never been any animosity and they all love him and are proud of his accomplishments. When he goes off to college this fall, we plan to give him a "send off" party - we are so proud of him.

Brothers and sisters, there is PEACE today in my life. There is peace with both fathers. My daughter's stepmother and I have NEVER had any hard feelings since she is a excellent character of the Proverbs 31 woman. She came into my daughter's life when she was about 11 and has always cared for her.

As for my son's stepmother, she does not like him and to be honest, I have yet to lay eyes on this woman. She's seen me and lives in fear that her husband will want me back because I'm doing good and I'm very attractive for a 46 year old diva (smile). She didn't want my son to stay with them, so he would spend the day with them and sleep at his grandmother's.

She had been warned by grandmother, aunt and uncles to NEVER harm him. She has a problem.

I don't believe in trying to "shame" a man. If he's not doing his job, he's already shamed.

Trust in God to help you through. To be honest, I've done a better job at childrearing than many who had a man with them all the way.

Now, my kids are grown and doing well. And I thank God for helping me through it all...He never left us alone. I didn't have to prostitute myself or sell illegal drugs to have a meal and roof over our heads.

You see, I put God first as my provider and He provided it all. Even if any of you do not have an earthly father, the Heavenly Father is there 24/7 and He will take care of you. Trust Him!

So true sister....Always put God first for He will and always Shall provide.

Thank You so much


:wave:

So true sister....Always put God first for He will and always Shall provide.

Thank You so much


:wave:

Thanks, Sister Nita. I share this for encouragement to others. I know a lot of women who never badmouthed the absent fathers and did their best for the children. These women made it because they trusted in God. Sometimes the fathers come around, sometimes not, but God is always there.

I thought it might be time to re-visit this topic!

Panafrica, I'm glad you brought this up again because I had not seen it before and it is of interest to me.

I've read the earlier opinions and I'll give mine from my own perspective and I hope you understand that though the situation may be similar, my experience and thoughts thereof may be slightly different in this part of the world.

In most cases absentee fathers are not required to pay child support (we call it maintenance) for their children. This is due to a combination of factors including acccess to justice, lack of awareness and poverty. I won't dwell on this as this is not the point of the thread.

Now, someone mentioned (I will paraphrase) that women need to recognize that not all men are father material before they "open their legs to them". Besides me thinking that was generally an inappropriate statement (and this is a total side issue...I do not want to go into a long "in my culture" debate as experienced in another thread...I am forward looking ;) ) I would like to point out that men too should be ready to face the "consequences" of their actions before they deposit their sperm in anybody!

Saying that some men are father material and others not does not excuse father's failure to fulfill his responsibilities as a parent.

Imagine saying "well some women are mother material and others are not"...there would be an uproar. Besides we are taught that women are naturally nurturers etc. and we are not taught the same about men. This is probably why you have "exceptional fathers" (basically those who I think are doing what any parent should be doing anyway). Basically my point is that there are double standards somewhere there that just don't sit well with me.

When it comes to shaming...well what exactly is "shaming"? I think we all interpret shaming in different ways. However I do agree with the general sentiment that shaming does not necessarily mean reform. It may compel but not reform. Shaming is not a positive thing but again I think it can be applied in some cases where a father is blatantly irresponsible and thoughtless.

Over here (as I'm sure is the case in many places) single mothers are SHAMED...there is no mention of the fathers. In other words it is a woman's problem and anyway "who told her to go opening her legs?". The same is not said about men. Her only "hope" is that the father or indeed any man marries her to lift the shame. Double standards also apply when it comes to the valuing of virginity etc.

So in my context there are not only say economic or poverty issues underlying absentee fathers but also CULTURAL ones that let men off the hook and even encourage them to spread their "seed" far and wide without abandon. The effects of that are devastating. Whenever this is brought up by me for example I am accused of man-hating etc and yet I am addressing the way we have been socialized and the system in which we operate. We need some serious reorganization and desocialization which does not stigmatize single mothers, does not allow men to go scott free, and works for the benefit of all involved. I don't thing shaming is the way to go for either fathers or mothers. But I feel that society needs to take a strong stance against absentee fathers and indeed any absent parent especially for the child's economic needs.

I don't think a absent father would be shamed into coming a part of a child life
so many fathers so young and have no idea or depth to fatherhood it will be
a none affective mission one way we can curb in my mind is to teach our younger
men to uphold the fatherhood and be a father to thy child because we can't reach
many older men to return and help raise thes children aboard the life of our today's
world

WILL THE REAL MEN AND FATHER'S STAND UP AND MAKE A CHANGE A DIFFERENT!
i say yes to fatherhood .

Panafrica, I'm glad you brought this up again because I had not seen it before and it is of interest to me.

I have a lot of interesting topics which you haven't read Fanyamambo! :D

This is a complicated issue because there are so many factors involved. It is particularly complicated in the African American community because we have developed a culture of single parent households. Indeed in another thread I started on a similar subject. I noted that when a child is not acknowledged in our community. That child is not such abandoned by the "father". The entire father's family (the grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins) abandon that child. This suggest a communal acceptance of this behavior, and I think it needs to be explored further.

I agree with you Fanya that fathers should take care of children, whereever and how ever they are created! Although the double standard placed on women when it comes to child rearing is unfair. I believe it exist because biologically the greater burden is on the women anyway. I say this not to justify, but to get a sense of origin. I have no respect for fathers who don't take care of their children. Also being a man who has no children outside of marriage, and who has been involved in every aspect of my daughters life (from the time my wife told me she was pregnant until today)....I do not condone this behavior!

One thing I find fascinating, and I would like to know more about is how common single parent houses are in Kenya? This would give me a greater sense of how much this is a problem with Blacks world wide, or how much is just an African American issue. Again for your reference the current estimates on out of wedlock childbirths in the African American community is 70% (and rising)!

I'll try and dig up some statistics on Kenya...but I can confidently say there is definitely a rise in single parent households and teenage pregnancies. One of the results of this (of course also due to poverty - over half of the Kenyan population live on less than one US dollar a day ) is that there are a lot of street children.

The traditional extended family network is breaking down. There's increasing urbanization and industrialization. People are preferring cohabitation to marriage these days...

Got to run...more later...hopefully I'll be back with stats if any exist!

This is sad to hear Fanyamambo...I think a study must be done to connect the link between poverty & child abandonment!

No, I don't think men can be shamed into caring for their children. Sure, they may feel bad about it, but the truth is, most men still view child rearing as "women's work." Even some men that are there, in the home, still aren't there, in their children's hearts. And, raising a child goes beyond child support and food on the table -roof over the head. Too many men, and women, think that taking care of a child means money. Money is important, but anybody can write check. It has been said that any fool can be a daddy but it takes a real man to be a father.

To be a Father to a child is giving love and affection the time to share
in activities and places together helping with homework and teaching
the child being there in the child needs something many men lack to do
and do put all the work on a mother the feeding and pamper changing
all the wonderful things a Dad should do , men will never be shamed for
things like this just a caring concern father would even if the two parents
not together still both can play a major roll in the life of a child and bring
up a fruitful child to manhood / womanhood strong but on the flip side we
have some men that do all above and don't get credit or prased for the work
and we have many women who are worse as a mother who gave birth !
women are evening up the score to a near tie as un caring men these things
i see around me every day.