Offensive Language

I think the family needs to create a real framework for what is called offensive language.

I understand that some members feel like I am offensive every time I speak and that is understood and respected and it will be rectified; I will not make speech that is considered inflammatory and personal, I will make an effort to analyze the thought before it is released; however, I would like to make the following comments.

I do not think someone coming in chat and telling us that THEY'RE EXERPIENCES MAKES THEM AN AUTHORITY AND US IDIOTS is helpful. That is very offensive in itself that someone can come and just say were idiots because we do not know what they know. Comments like these should also be considered offensive in nature.

Moreover, I think that if you present yourself as an authority on an issue. That you should be able to defend your authority, if a family member makes an opinion about your presentation or ideas, that this should not be considered a personal attack. I think personally people try to yell personal foul when someone debates their ideas and not them. People debate my ideas all the time and you never hear me call personal foul.

I also think that topics should be presented in the room in a non-passionate manner or there should be some balance to the passion. A lot of the comments that are deemed offensive by some that I make are responses from their passionate view about their Ideas. Too many times people attempt to argue with passion and very little logic or factual data, which makes their argument seem *uninformed* and this is how feelings end up being hurt because they feel like someone does not share their passion. In actuallity, it is not their passion that is not shared it is the view or opinion of the subject at hand.

In conclusion, I think that if you cannot handle debate about your topics or about your ideas, you should not present them at all. It is not fair to the family for someone to be an absolute truth about an issue. Proper debate about a subject causes learning. Anyone who presents a view, opinion or argument should be able to defend it particularly if they are truly *passionate* about the subject. Debate can be healthy, but I feel it is misunderstood, discouraged in regard to our discussions and placed subservient to emotions.

I will however, make a conscientious effort to mitigate my approach, so to not have my good intentions for increased awareness, enlightenment and education misinterpreted.

Thank you in advance for your reading and understanding.

i hear you man...i grew up with a cat just like you...so i kinda know where you are coming from...the advice i can give you, if you are willing to take it, is this: water down you approach some and your intentions will shine through more effectively. i speak my mind same as you, and in real life i am more aggressive, because this is a big fish eats little fish world we live in...but in the chat forum, it's best to follow the golden rule...i'm saying all of this because i wish for you to remain here and contribute your unique perspective to the fam...btw...drop some more poetry in da forum son...
one love
khasm

i feel ya no one is an idiot cause one may be more advance then the next don't make
another be less .......it's not right if one is caught speaking at another member name
calling will be delt with (dat's front line stuff)

I think the family needs to create a real framework for what is called offensive language.

The framework is there, bruh. You're just learning it via baptism by fire...learning as you go if you will.

I understand that some members feel like I am offensive every time I speak and that is understood and respected and it will be rectified; I will not make speech that is considered inflammatory and personal, I will make an effort to analyze the thought before it is released; however, I would like to make the following comments.

I give you mad props for willing to change those things in you that will make the community better. Dapz.

I do not think someone coming in chat and telling us that THEY'RE EXERPIENCES MAKES THEM AN AUTHORITY AND US IDIOTS is helpful. That is very offensive in itself that someone can come and just say were idiots because we do not know what they know. Comments like these should also be considered offensive in nature.

And they are offensive. But, it's how we respond to them that will make this a positive or negative learning experience for all involved.

Moreover, I think that if you present yourself as an authority on an issue. That you should be able to defend your authority, if a family member makes an opinion about your presentation or ideas, that this should not be considered a personal attack. I think personally people try to yell personal foul when someone debates their ideas and not them. People debate my ideas all the time and you never hear me call personal foul.

Here again, how you do something is a little more important than what you do. A nuclear bomb isn't always the answer to a disagreement or a heated debate.

I also think that topics should be presented in the room in a non-passionate manner or there should be some balance to the passion. A lot of the comments that are deemed offensive by some that I make are responses from their passionate view about their Ideas. Too many times people attempt to argue with passion and very little logic or factual data, which makes their argument seem *uninformed* and this is how feelings end up being hurt because they feel like someone does not share their passion. In actuallity, it is not their passion that is not shared it is the view or opinion of the subject at hand.

We can not control anyone's passion. That is theirs to control as they wish...as is ours. In most cases, if we stick to the topic and not deviate, the conversation can be enriching to all involved.

In this type of situation, consciousness is very important. What's more important to you: (1) being able to say whatever you want to and however you want to say it or (2) getting the person you're speaking with to understand your view? How you respond to the person is dictated by the answer to that question.


In conclusion, I think that if you cannot handle debate about your topics or about your ideas, you should not present them at all. It is not fair to the family for someone to be an absolute truth about an issue. Proper debate about a subject causes learning. Anyone who presents a view, opinion or argument should be able to defend it particularly if they are truly *passionate* about the subject. Debate can be healthy, but I feel it is misunderstood, discouraged in regard to our discussions and placed subservient to emotions.

I agree with you to a certain point. We have had some great discussions/debates...on the forum and in chat. All of them have not been misunderstood or discouraged. I wish you didn't feel that way. However, if you stick around, you will find that we have some live discussions or debates where everyone learns something.

I will however, make a conscientious effort to mitigate my approach, so to not have my good intentions for increased awareness, enlightenment and education misinterpreted.

Again, I thank you for taking this step. Dapz.

Thank you all for reading my post.

I will however, make a conscientious effort to mitigate my approach, so to not have my good intentions for increased awareness, enlightenment and education misinterpreted.

Thank You Brother MANASIAC.

When i read "I think the family needs to create a real framework for what is called offensive language," ... i immediately thought of curse / swear words. I think our policy is pretty clear regarding that. For those that aren't aware, we have a list of voice chat rules, which you can review at your leisure.

www.destee.com/chatrules

As i read your comments above Brother MANASIAC, i see you're not really speaking of "curse / swear" words, but rather ... offending someone in the way we respond to their contributions to the discussions. I hope i got it right, let me know if i didn't.

I think we all have different levels of sensitivity, which is a good thing. Unfortunately, this community is pretty much formed around my level of sensitivity. This is probably not a good thing, but trust that it has evolved over the years ... it was more sensitive than it is now!

I believe that if we are truly trying to "increase awareness, enlighten, and educate," the greatest work goes in the presentation. If we ... hit our Sister or Brother hard, as soon as they walk in the door ... beat them down with their own words ... immediately show them how wrong they are ... challenge their every word and comma ... we're going to lose the opportunity to reach our goal. We kill our own hope before it even gets started good.

If we use the approach you suggest Brother MANASIAC, we would never have had the opportunity to know your true wonderfulness. I've seen you offend (in my opinion), spoke to you about it, issued warnings, labored with you ... all in an effort to embrace you. I've said this to you before, that i do these things because i know you are 25 - my own son's same age - and if he were not presenting himself in the best of manners, i'd hope someone would be patient with him and help him to do it better. You are a wonderful young man, funny, articulate, educated, wise in many ways, but your presentation is sometimes lacking. So we (the Moderating Team) have chosen to work with you, embrace you, love you ... not beat you down. This is the Spirit in which we live, if we can, for even this has its limits.

Perhaps the Brother that you quoted doesn't even realize the way he's perceived by some. Perhaps he is in need of a little guidance, like all of us are. Certainly i want everyone to feel free to share their opinions, but only in the best of manners ... and i do expect more from established Members, who know how we live here ... than from those just walking in the door.

It's a challenge to be a home to so many, with so many varied opinions, and ways to present those opinions. I've always said that we can't be all things to all people, and we're not trying. It is our goal to provide a peaceful, loving, warm, and inviting community for as many of our people as possible. I appreciate your help in making and keeping this our reality.

Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee

Thank you Destee. All Points Well Taken.