Are you a teen and feel pressured into having sex? Read this article about Black teenage girls and share what you think.

http://www.teenpregnancy.org/about/announcements/news/pdf/Chicago%20Sun%20Times%201-22-03.pdf

Queenie :spinstar:

I don't feel pressured but I do like that topic cuz I see too many pregnant and love sick females these days it's rediculous.

Thank you Queen for this report. I truly don't believe in premarital sex. It is only my opinion. We have so much time to think and consider about having sex. There's still college to look foward to, getting our own car (if we don't have one yet), getting an apartment. Being both an adult and also youthful for our age. This report has truly given me the opportunity to see the analsis of our society. Once again thank you.

i believe that a person can have sex when they feel they are ready whether that age is 17 16 or 23...i think that a person can do what they feel...sex for me isn't really an issue though...i have of course thought about it...even performed some sexual acts but...i stopped after a while...i didn't want to go THAT far....and get myself pregnant
:heart:
-story

Thank you Sister Queenie for sharing this article. It said, "Young black girls do not feel valued," and i think that says it all. It seems that having sex for some Sisters, is their attempt to get the validation that they so desperately seek. An attempt to make themselves worthy. "If i give my body to him, he will love me." ... "If i give my body to him, he'll know i love him." ... "If i give my body to him, we'll have evidence of our love." ... Unfortunately, giving one's body to someone brings none of these things.

All of these things ... love, worthiness, evidence of the love ... should be present looooooong before the act of sexual intercourse, and if they aren't, having sex isn't going to make them magically appear.

It's at this point we often hear the heartbreaking stories of Sisters that hoped for too much and are now facing life altering circumstances, alone.

If Sisters (both young and old) valued themselves as they should, they would not be allowing folk inside of them, without having the greatest of assurances, that that person was worthy of being inside.

Sister SensualReality ... Welcome to the Family !!! ... glad you're not feeling the pressure. How are you able to avoid even the pressure of having sex? I would imagine that in general, it is most everywhere. Are you involved in extra-curricular activities at school, do you have a very present Family keeping you close to them, have you simply chosen to surround yourself with those who have goals for their lives and who recognize their own value and worth? How are you doing it Sister, we need all of our Sisters to know! :)

Sister Eisha ... haaaaaaaay ... great response and i'd not expect any less from you! Such a beautiful and focused young lady you are! Keep up the good work Sister!

Sister The_Story ... haaaaaaaaaaay ... certainly a person "can" have sex whenever they want, at all of the ages you mentioned, but is it best for them? If a young lady is doing "what is best for her" at 16, would she be having sex with anyone?

There is so much out here trying to convince us of how little we are worth, we must take every opportunity to counter these attacks.

Any suggestions Family, on how we can let our Sisters (both young and old) know how valued and important they are, both individually and collectively? Any little things we can each do in the course of our days?

:heart:

Destee

Thought provoking for sure, Destee. I think one of the things we can do for ourselves is to get in the habit of positive self talk. Sometimes when the going gets tough, all we have other than God, is ourselves. So if we don't love ourselves, or at least like ourselves, where does that leave us? A pretty grim existence indeed. Just like we feed ourselves negative images, we can nourish ourselves with positives about ourselves. It can start with something as small as congratulating yourself for accomplishing something that was difficult. If it was difficult for you to get out of bed this morning, congratulate yourself on that. Hard to walk down your street because of what is going on around you? High five on that one. Made it through another day at school or work? Praise yourself for a job well done, even if you didn't ace that test, or get that promotion, you made it through. All this may sound trite, but it's a way to start building your self esteem, it's just a small step that can lead you up to the next level in your life. And, particularly to the young ladies, there are so many levels, layers to your existence. We never really attain all the regions of greatness inside of us. And we have so much strength and beauty inside of us, truly, even though some days, I know, it is difficult to see. Peace.

I have sex...and I used to feel pressured but evutually, I made a choice to continue having it becuase I enjoyed it. Now I know all if the risks and I protect myself. I do everything I need to do.

Sister Watzinaname ... thank you for these wonderful suggestions! Not hardly trite Sister! We must all start at the very beginning and oftentimes that is the lttle things ... shoot, that's all most of us have, are the little things ... so thank you for these encouraging suggestions ... building ourselves up every day in little ways ... matter of fact Sister, how can we build others up if we aren't doing it for ourselves ... all on point, keep 'em coming ... thanks again!

Sister SwtT ... you're 18 and considered "grown" in this country, able to make your own decisions, doing the things you want ... you're entitled to that Sister and i'd never try to take it from you. I'm glad to hear that you are aware of all the risks and do what you can to proect yourself. Remain as safe as possible always.

:heart:

Destee

What happens when...

An attractive and academically inclined 17 year old young woman tells you that she likes to date white boys because she's tired of the way that some Black boys approach her, talk to her and what they let her know they want from her sexually. Very open...very crude...very disrespectful of her.

Let's say she attends a racially diverse public school where white young men approach her in the opposite way and she prefers dating them as opposed to the Black young men, who now don't like the fact that she dates white boys and thinks she's a traitor.

What if she says, when asked why, that she isn't ready to have sex and many Black (boys) don't want to accept no for an answer, whereas, white (boys) continue to treat her with respect when told no.

When it's suggested that she wait and hold on until a young Black man comes along who will treat her respect, what if she exclaims why wait, when I can date and attend parties and school events like the prom now and have fun at the same time?

Should this young Black girl wait for a Black boy. Should she reject the attentions of white boys? She has excellent grades, participates in many school activities, including serving as a tutor and teacher's aide, she aspires to go to college and wants a social life as well.

As a parent, what kind of conversation do you have with this young woman who feels caught in the middle due to the racial divide in this country?

Peace,
Queenie :spinstar:

Hmmm. I had a situation with my daughter when she was a bit younger. Some of the schools weren't racially diverse, some were predominately whte. So the few black boys there, all the black girls wanted, and my daughter said none of them liked her. But she felt as though some of the white boys did. I told her that when she was in a more diverse setting, this would change, and it did. But until that time, I just told her that not all black guys will dismiss her, and not all white guys will always be the answer, as it were. She ended up going to the prom with a white boy who hung around all different ethnicities, but just acted like himself. They were just friends, and that's all either of them wanted.
I suppose what i am wondering is, does this young lady just want to be sociable, and have an escort so to speak, or is she just itching to go out on a date. Sounds like she just wants companionship. I would see where her head is at, talk to her about not all black boys being skirt chasers, and not all white boys are gentlemen.

Sister Queenie ... most 17 year olds are still in high school, so encouraging them to focus on the important things, which is not boys, would be my approach.

My daughter is 19 and when she was 17, she was concerned about going to college. Being the first in her immediate Family to go, she had lots of work to do, mostly on her own. The research, applications, recommendations, everything ... so boys, Black or White, weren't nearly at the top of the list.

So if this 17 year old came to me with these types of concerns, i'd tell her to be patient, don't be in a hurry to attach herself to any man. With so much sex in the media, i realize it's not easy for adults, let alone teenagers to do ... but i'd challenge her to try.

From 17 years old, to the time a young lady is able to fully take care of herself ... her own education, her own rent, her own car, her own job, her own good credit ... the world and men will look completely different! :)

I'd tell her not to be discouraged, by what appears to be a lack of good Black men ... for what God has for her, no one can deny. I'd say stay encouraged young Sister.

:heart:

Destee

Destee, it doesn't matter to me if I was considered "grown' or not...In my eye, I am not grown until I start paying the bills, which I don't do, so I am not. Really in my opinion, you have to be ready from all the aspects,...emotionally, females are very emotional when it comes to that . Physically, spirtually, and mentally...you might be "grown" mentally, but could you be grown physically when that nurse comes into a room with a positive test for an STD?...Being grown means so much more to me than just being 18...:)

Hello Sister SwtT ... the only reason i referenced your being "grown" is because you said the following ...

I have sex...and I used to feel pressured but evutually, I made a choice to continue having it becuase I enjoyed it. Now I know all if the risks and I protect myself. I do everything I need to do.

To me, having sex is something that "grown folk" do. If you aren't "grown" but are engaging in "grown folk stuff" ... then you're not making good decisions. If you aren't able to pay your own bills, if you are not emotionally, physically, and spiritually ready to handle all the "grown folk consequences" of "grown folk acts" ... then you should not be doing them.

You can't just pick the "grown folk stuff" you wanna do ... and be a child when it's convenient for you.

If you're grown, then be grown ... if you're not, then you probably ought not be doing "grown folk stuff."

:heart:

Destee

Answer to first question: Sex has been offered to me on plenty accusation....I lost count after a while...I've done some down and dirty stuff...not saying sex IS down and dirty but this is something I don't feel I'm ready to do yet....because I know after sex there is some kind of emotional bonds that women tend to go through and as a WOMAN I don't feel I'm ready to be emotionally attached to a male prospect yet. I'm still in high school and I know I'll be ready some day. To me, premartial sex doesn't matter....I just think everyone has their own time limit that they should take....and for an adult to try and tell you different is certainly out of their juridiction......that's jus my oppinion.....but I do feel you should wait until you're ready to deal with the consepuences and all that.

Answer to second: About the girl being only attached to white boys. I think that it is just crazy. The skin color doesn't matter. Well, I can't talk because I'm only attracted to light skinned boys but I don't think it's right to just deny a whole culture your love. Who know maybe her soulmate is BLACK as night and day. No one has control over who their soul mate is. I think only God can answer that one. But in this situation. I just think it's wrong. Any maybe the girl should reconsider her actions and statements towards black people.

Why u show such links!itz just like u r showing us that sex can only affect girls n i don't agree!So,dont be hurted,but i think when talking about sex,u should try to find b/4 links about both side.
Peace

Me I a virgin and proud I feel that I don't have to have sex with my boyfriend to prove I love because I didn't want end my life early with getting an STD or pregnant because of sex. Also I see girls who are just addicted. My friend told me that he was this girl's first. And when they broke up, she became wild and couldn't handle the pressure. Now she got a kid. See I can't be dealing with that. I don't think I'm emtional ready for that

Does race matter when choosing a man? Because I don't think so. Should I really be concerned with finding the right "black" man? Can't I just be concerned about finding the right man, period?

I've never dated a white guy but if one showed interest, I'd give him a chance just as soon as I'd give a Brother a chance. I can't see myself missing out on a great relationship with somebody just because Sisters are telling me that I'm black and I'm suppose to wait for the right black man to come around.
:confused:
Help me out here ladies...

Hello sister Ndeep:

Your response was not related to the topic of the thread (teens having sex). Your thoughts would be better suited in its own thread. If you are not a teen, you should try placing them on the sister forum.

I'm feeling you sister, but I was more or less making reference (perhaps I should have stated) to the question NNQueen posted on the thread.

Sorry... her last question. (She posted the thread)

Okay that's fine Ndeep....by the way, I'm a brother!

Well, i must admit, this summer that just past, was really a test of my strength. I also do not believe in premarital sex but that it isn't morally or ethically right and I practice abstinance. But this past summer, i had been going through some extremely tough times, and my mind had gottin very weak. But instead of me going to God and asking for the strength to make it through, i turned to one of my closest guy friends. And instead of him tryin to encourage me and tell me to hold on, he took advantage of the situation and put tremendous presure on me to let him take my virginity. For a while, i stayed true to my beliefs and I would say "no" but he never gave up or stopped asking, in fact he just put even more presure on me. Not one phone conversation would go past with out us spending atleast an hour talking about being a virgin and why should im staying one. So I got tired of his pestering and i said to him "aight J im tired of you askin and i see your not going to stop until i say yes, so i guess we can just go ahead"...those were my exact words. I never heard him that happy in my life or ever again. that night we made plans to spend a weekend together and it would happen somewhere with in that time. But i made him promise to make it very special for me. I told him the type of lighting, music, scents, bedding, just everything ild always wanted when i losed my virginity, and he willingly accepted the terms. But as the time grew closer and closer, i started to really come to my senses, i would sit down and reason with myself, by often times saying.."Melanie, you cant be serious. You know GOd is not pleased with this". For God was the only way i made it through the whole thing. So as we got to maybe 2 weeks away from the appointed date, i just couldnt go through with it, I mean i had tons of girls younger and even older than me, who i was trying to be a role model for, who absolutely tried to mimic everything i did. and that would not have looked good at all if i were to let my standards down just like that. So i just told him that i could go through with it, and like i had suspected, he wasnt tryin to give it all up just that easy. But i simply told him, if you continue to do this, im sorry but we can no longer be friends. I guess he'ld rather have me as his friend than as his sex partner, because im happy to report that I am still a virgin, and im much stronge mentally, and hes still my friend. So i just encourage both girls and guys to keep your selves pure, and hold tight to you precious gift, for all good thing will come in due time. And i promise you that it will all worth your wait. Because you dont have to just settle for what right in front of you, For GOd has an awsome mate for each and lst one of you and one of the greatest gift that you will ever give them ( in my opinion) would be your purity.


Stay Strong My Brothers and Sistas....!... :lift:

Itz sure that nowadays sex is smtg really important for the youth b/c of many purposes!But,as i notice,itz just like sex can be bad only for...the girls?!?WHY DO U TALK ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCE N FORGET ABOUT THE GUYS?Should we understand that we can't bear anything?

Well I am a person whom is very cautious and as my bf calls it parinoid. If we were to do anything I would go to every length to protect my self. Hence getting the depo shot keeping with appointments him having contraceptives the works. And that's every time! But I don't have to worry bout him because he a man about his, we both have ambitions and are near graduation of highschool so we wouldn't do anything to jepordize that no matter how horny we both were our dreams of sucess apart and together just weigh more on our conciences.:coffee:

Well I am 20 years old and I am still a virgin. I must admitt that I am going through alot of temptation right now when it comes to sex. A few weeks ago, I was completely innocent. Now, I have had my first kiss and oral sex but I realize now that I' m not ready for sex yet. I love being a virgin but at the same time I want to experience some sort of affection. I am just going to have to distant myself with my boyfriend.

There are a lot of moments in my life where someone has pressured me into having sex. I've matured since then though. I don't feel the pressure at all. The simple answer is NO, not until I find my husband. If they can't take that then..:getout: