A discussion started in another thread about disciplining Black children. Some people believe that Black children need to be disciplined differently than other children, particularly white children. Some of us believe in the old saying: "spare the rod, spoil the child". Spankings, to some, are one of the most effective ways to discipline our children. Parents that support "spankings" think they are a good way to get the right attention of the child, send the message that what they did was unacceptable and forces them to learn not to repeat the behavior. Sort of like Pavlov's dog theory.

Some people also don't believe that parents can "negotiate" with their children because parents and children aren't equal. To some extent, these parents don't believe that spanking a child is abusive and when the rod is spared, children don't grow up to become leaders in our society.

It's widely known that most Black children were/are raised under the "spanking" rule. Not many of us can testify honestly that we never got one while growing up. Some of us would probably even agree that we deserved some form of punishment, but wished we could have "negotiated" our way out of getting a "spanking" if it was possible.

There are all sorts of ways and techniques that our parents use to get our attention when they think we did something wrong. Staring down, pinching, slapping, hair pulling, thumping, spankings and yes, downright beatings, were among the arsenal used by parents to let a child know they didn't like what they did. It's all become a part of our African-American tradition. But I wonder why many of us believe that this is the tried and true method that makes us who we become as adults?

To say that we are who we become due to the "spankings" we received is scarey to me. Administering and teaching discipline is one thing, but my question is, is spanking the only way or even the best way?

In addition to this discussion, some people believe that our children are running amok in our society today and the reason is largely due to the fact that Black parents are hesitant to spank their children anymore because they fear being charged with child abuse. First of all, do you think this is true and secondly, do you think that the child abuse laws in America are part of a racist conspiracy theory to perpetuate the continuing oppression of Blacks? My reason for this question is because if white people have learned that Black kids get "spankings" as part of their disciplinary regimen, to take that option away from Black parents, will put their homes in chaos and Black families, primarily children, at greater risk for committing acts that will land them in trouble with the system.

What are your thoughts?

Peace :spinstar:

there is no doubts indeed the spank rule is
very affective in many ways then one it helps set
standards in the home it set forth respect for the
parents and it also allow the children to know in
right or wrong what they face a good spanking
this indeed is viewed differently but also like a great
triditional thing in mostly every home the one who
spare the rod is because the rod was laid to them
so the choice is to not spank but talking will not help
when a child is yet so young it's better to spank and
save them from trouble then to let them control you
as they reach an age of teenhood then talking sometime sink in better then the belt....spanking will also help stop the high risk
of black children being hit with trouble and making wild acts
yes it really all start at home with the parents even some still
go on the wrong path it's not that they didn't know better or was
spared the rod growing up
if you set a standard from earily age of a child life as they grow
then yes u can spare the rod but the look expression is the key
i was not beaten but yes got many spankings but the look
was the key moma look at u one way u know to hush or sitdown
dad give u the eye and u know what to do this was strongly done
in my childhood days ...good spanking is keeping control
and saving a child from the system , jails , trouble it go on & on
just how i see it and was raised up under the belt.

I think you need to spank your kids. I don't think you spank them for everything they do wrong. But some things, they need to feel it, to understand that they can never, ever do that again. Sometimes they need to :bawling: in order to learn.

I think you need to spank your kids. I don't think you spank them for everything they do wrong. But some things, they need to feel it, to understand that they can never, ever do that again. Sometimes they need to :bawling: in order to learn.

As an adult, I don't enjoy being hit. If my boss reprimands me by hitting me, I'd be, resentful, afraid or vengeful.
I feel it' s the same with children. Children don't enjoy or deserve to be hit.
Adults spank kids out of their own personal embarassment, frustration, lack of communication, and learned behavior from when they were children themselves.

We tell our kids not to hit other kids but turn around and spank them when they display behavior and attitudes we deem unaccaptable. This is a very damaging way to handle disciplining. Many times children don't even understand why you're punishing them. Hitting creates fear and resentment.
I don't think either is effective or conducive to raising a healthy child.

I think that the question to spank or not to spank depends on the child. With some children, simple punishment (no tv, no phone, etc) is effective. Then, you have those that need something a little extra to understand the point that you are trying to get across. I got plenty of spankings...beatings as a child and without them, I would not be where I am today but that is only because I was one of the ones who didn't care about not having tv or phone priviledges. I considered those types of punishments getting off easy but when it came down to getting a beating, I thought twice about doing what it was that I was about to do. I would have liked to negotiate my way out of a beating but that wouldn't have stopped my behavior. I would have been lying through my teeth say that I would "never do it again" or "I'll try harder next time". All b.s., basically saying "yeah, I'll say whatever you want me to say as long as you don't hit me".

HerukhuMaat, I don't think adults should be spanked. If you do something wrong at work and your boss spanks you, you need to lay your boss out. You can call me up, I'll help you. But you are an adult, not a child. Some children need to feel it for them to understand. It's not always the parents lack of communication, but sometimes the child's lack of understanding. I work with kids, and I've been around kids that needed to be spanked and around kids that it just took words. Depends on the child. I'm all for spankings as long as the spanker doesn't cross the line into abuse. When I was a kid, I got spanked. I got spanked a couple of times. After a spanking, I never made that mistake again. As I got older, my parents discplined me differently. My mother would bring me into the kitchen and tell me to cook with her while she talked to me about what I did wrong. My father and I would clean together and talk about what I did. After a certain age, spankings weren't nessecary. When I have children, if I have to, I'll spank them. Not because I'm mad that my parents spanked me, but because I see the benefits of it and how it helped me. I'd like to think that I'm a pretty complete and decent person. My parents raised me well. I want to try to raise my children along the same lines that my parents raised me.

As I got older, my parents discplined me differently. My mother would bring me into the kitchen and tell me to cook with her while she talked to me about what I did wrong. My father and I would clean together and talk about what I did. After a certain age, spankings weren't nessecary. When I have children, if I have to, I'll spank them. Not because I'm mad that my parents spanked me, but because I see the benefits of it and how it helped me. I'd like to think that I'm a pretty complete and decent person. My parents raised me well. I want to try to raise my children along the same lines that my parents raised me.


When you have children, you'll probably think differently.
Now... let's not be silly, I hypothetically made the reference to a boss because they signify an authority figure, not because my boss (I work for myself, by the way) has hit me. It just amazes me how one can hit an innocent defenseless child as a form of discipline. If you hit an adult, an adult would surely hit back, come back and kill you or inform some type of law enforcement authority. Regardless, if it were an adult, there would be some type of ramification.

My parents disciplined me too with the belt. Sometimes it was for things that were simple misunderstandings. When I got beatings I just found more creative ways to trick my parents. I can say beatings only taught me to become a better liar. I also developed some fear for them as well as resentment. Beating someone is usually used when you want to instill fear, to break them down through force. Make your will bend. Beatings also made me defiant to authority and authority figures. I grew up as a good kid. Never stole or been arrested, or in trouble with the law (never even a negative experience with law enforcement). Don't smoke or drink. Did well in school. Started my own business.
I didn't turn out too bad, but imagine what more I could have accomplished
with more understanding and positive reinforcement.

However, I attribute that to good family values,not beatings. In fact I can point to negative experiences and negative personality traits that are a direct cause of fear or defiancy that was a direct result of beatings. My father told me that if he had to do it all over again he wouldn't have administered beatings. He watches my son and I interact and even reminds me to not be so hard on him in some cases. Adults often put adult problems and situations on children.
The realm of the adult and the realm of the child are very different. We have to put ourselves back into the child realm sometimes when relating to our children.

Parents who are obsessive about perfection in children, are being abusive in a different way. They live their lives seeking the acceptance of their parents and burn out very early in life. So what kids need is love, support and attention. Not criticism and abuse.

but it's true some kids need it a little as a parent
it's our means for the best of the child or children
surely mostly everyone has a spanking in life or will
due to some badly acts sometime talking or the right
punishment can help like daydream stated no T.V , outside
or any fun things but sometime it really do help until you
but a belt to their behind .......it's not crul or taking self
anger out on them because i had a wonderful child hood
and i also one that had the teaching from the belt it made
me a better man a very great Father and a heart of goodness
it's all about what we spank our children about and most time
they already know why this spanking is taking place
talking to a child who is bad in school will not make them better
it go in one ear and out the next i know i was one of those kids
but that belt made me get into the books and learn that very
spanking that made me learn is today greatful
i learn to own my own business today
sometime a spanking can save a life ....this a fact
some kids are raised in nice hoods and better living but a
lot of blacks are not so lucky and have to come up in the
danger zones of Drugs , Guns , Gangs , and lot more crap
in the streets so we have to come down to keep our children
from falling by the waste side a spanking can't hurt and later will be thankful not saying beat a child but the belt is alright
for the right reasons .....
we all have different points of view but where i'm from and what
i know my children & grandchildren will know that respect and
learning is the key in life so when they go wrong i will lay the belt to them .....
surely one day they will thank me for it
for not that will run over you in time
peace

My daughter is now 16 years old and hasn't had a spanking since she was 12. She didn't really get spankings much before age 5 but got about 6 good ones between ages 5 and 12. I know for a fact that she fully understood WHY she recieved that type of discipline instead of her usual no tv or extras. I never BEAT my daughter because there was no need to do that. Many times she would be in check with a simple "showing"of the belt.
I have always been able to communicate well with her, and a choice to give her a spanking was more about consequences rather than my parental shortcomings. If she was deliberately disobedient...testing our boundaries, she would get a spanking. It worked wonders as I have not had to discipline her in that way for almost 5 years.
She has a good head on her shoulders, she is approaching womanhood beautifully and I'm proud of the person she is. She is in no rush to be an adult, she is not fast, she does not hang in the streets, and she is enjoying her last few years of childhood.

Some of her friends run away from home, slap and curse their parents, and skip school...and brag about how their parents never spank or discipline them. Those kids are far from INNOCENT and defenseless. Spanking does not equate criticism...and is far from abusive.

indeed very well said i truely agree and i too
didn't have to spank my kids like a daily meal
only when needed my son is 11 and had 3 spanking from
me in his young life but i will bare down when needed
so far he's a good child to be a boy growing up in the
heart of the Gangs & Drugs so i think the few spankings
did him good i just pray he continue his good ways and
stay on the path of GOD

indeed very well said i truely agree and i too
didn't have to spank my kids like a daily meal
only when needed my son is 11 and had 3 spanking from
me in his young life but i will bare down when needed
so far he's a good child to be a boy growing up in the
heart of the Gangs & Drugs so i think the few spankings
did him good i just pray he continue his good ways and
stay on the path of GOD

I still don't agree with this spanking issue.
It never surprises me how people still don't think outside the cube. We live in a society where people wonder why there isn't more peace in this world. A society where we preach diplomacy over brute force. I've learned however to never to underestimate human hypocrisy. If we cannot communicate with people (our kids) on the very early level of development without using brute force then what does that say about us as a people. If you cannot communicate effectively on the basic social level ie. your family at home then how can you communicate with your fellow workers.

To put it plain and simple, it's basic microcasm and macrocasm. Don't be upset when children.. that eventually become adults... deal with discipline and frustration through violence. I can't speak for everyone, however I do know that I want optimum for my children. I'd rather prepare them with all the tools for combat and preparation in this world as possible. Whatever tools they choose or don't choose is up to them. We are affected by our environment. So I choose to raise my children in one that is free from gun play and violence. I know it is difficult to shield them from everything, but if I can put them one step ahead of the game.. then that increases their options of becoming even greater people.

I really don't think you are thinking outside of your cube. For the most part, I believe each and every individual on earth will always have similar experiences with varying outcomes. Everyone who is spanked will not join a gang or become a serial killer. You don't have to agree with what I do in my home because you do not live here. In my opinion, there are levels of discipline starting with my house rules, to reminders, to discussions, to restrictions, and lastly the belt. If you're able to keep your child in check without a spanking for his entire time living under your roof - GREAT!

My daughter has a friend who lives around the corner. He can't stay in school to save his life because his mother doesn't believe in spankings...and no one other than her can discipline her child. He doesn't seem to think he has to listen to anyone because there are NO CONSEQUENCES. He minds her, but no one else. He cant even attend public schools anymore, at least none in our district and it's not because he is violent, he simply feels his mother can shield him from rules. She won't spank her kids...but someone is waiting to beat this kids tail cause he will not yield to rules or regulations outside of the home. I think he'll end up in jail- and what a rude awakening that will be when he is grown and realizes in real life there are consequences for not abiding by rules...but of course that is my opinion.

In short, to each his own. I've never spanked my daughter while angry like you assume WE ALL DO. It's always been discussed, she knew what to expect because she surpassed all the levels of discipline. That is simply life.

In short, to each his own. I've never spanked my daughter while angry like you assume WE ALL DO. It's always been discussed, she knew what to expect because she surpassed all the levels of discipline. That is simply life.

Very well put. I don't ASSUME that anyone on here spanks their children. I'm just going on by what people here have posted. What you do in your own home is your business. I do believe in consequences for actions. Children must be disciplined. Parents need to have a plan for their children in life or society will plan their child's life for them (ie. criminal justice system).

The child of the parent you mentioned isn't taught to respect anyone but their own mother. Spankings don't make a child necessarily respect anyone. That's something that has to be taught and supported first in the home.

Whatever methods a parent uses for disciplining is up to them. In learning how to be a better parent I often like to try to find methods that will work that will help make my child a well rounded individual. Challenging some older and conventional ways are necessary. I look at this issue the same way I look at healthcare. If my parents fed me certain foods, that were fatty or not good for my optimum health which predisposed me to diabetes, hypertension, and heart disease, this dosen't mean that they meant to kill me. The fact that you grew up and it didn't have any visible affect on you (until you met your senior age) still dosent' negate that it was overall harmful to your health.

Certain behaviors, dietary or others may be generational however I feel that some of it has to be questioned to promote our overall and future health.

i feel everyone point but that's how it is
this don't mean you are being abusive
just laying some belt to their behind
i am very happy you can raise your children in a gun free
place but all of us not so lucky so we just teach and pray
hope to live another day and our children do become very
well off young men & women
job & home have no connections when it come to children
i am happy my parents spanked me it made me a better man
a better person a more understand kind heart i'm doing just
great from it and i have no marks to sho i was ever hit
but i feel you on your way of thinking .......now feel mines
because i disagree

Man, when I first saw this thread “To Spank or Not To Spank” in the "RELATIONSHIP FORUM"!! :eeek: :eeek: ...and sister NNQueen's, name as the thread’s originator :confused: ...??????

I just...couldn't believ... "I just" :jawdrop:

Then it made me scratch my beard and go h-mmm_mmm. :confused:

Sister Queeenie sort of gettin’ deeper than deep here...

Thank god, I quickly clicked on the link and started reading. :lol:



seriously though :)


Peace Sister Queenie :wave: and again seriously,

I think raising and rearing children is probably one the most challenging experiences any adult can take on. On one-side it’s not this suffocating and impoverishing vortex that some people want to make it, for a lot of our problems with being parents is based on a lack of knowledge and wisdom. But, on the other side there are a lot of balancing acts and hard decisions that have to be considered. This spanking question has never been a great debate in our community, even though it may be a legitimate one.

One thing, I have always been concerned about, is that, when we remove certain ideas and beliefs of yesterday, are we always prepared to replace them with cultural mores or religious ethics that are as effective or more effective than what has been removed.

It’s like the old adage referring to “throwing the baby out, with the bath water”.

When spanking was a predominant form of punishment in the African American community, it ranged from the sensible type of correction, with a lot of discussion (usually mama preachin’ alot___lol) to the extremes, of years ago, when this culture thought is was allowable for men to spank their wives.

I always find it amazing that we believe it’s all right for the authorities to lay hands on “truly “ unruly individuals, in order to subdue that person, if they are endangering a citizen or encroaching upon someone else’s civil rights, but we believe we should have a hands-free and defenseless approach to our children.

The worst thing in the to world is to watch a child, run over the authority and respect of their parents. I am especially sensitive to this, when it comes to single moms and their male-children.

"Some" of our young men and now young women are running into the jaws of danger and death, at full speed. And their disrespect for their elders, their selves, each other and the world around them, is at an all time high. Believe me, I don’t think it’s because of too few or too many spankings. It’s just a lack of discipline, correction and direction.

And before the outside world, starts an even more vicious disciplinary campaign on our children; we need to circumvent our children undisciplined and dangerous actions, “BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.”

Some of us may, go as far as spanking our children, but the world is killing them and many of them are destroying each other.

Peace,

Brother Sun Ship

lol@Sun Ship...I'm so pleased that you ventured in and found that I was speaking of the G-rated version. :laugh:

I think that the dialogue here about the merits of spankings as a form of discipline, is good. In modern times it's often classified as "tough love." I'm sure we know those who deliver spankings for every little thing and often without explanations or reasons given. There are some parents, when under stress, wield out spankings in anger and frustration, and to the detriment of not only the child, but to the family as a whole. Fortunately though, from what I'm reading here, there are those who give thoughtful consideration to how they interact with their children and all to help them develop into productive and considerate adults. In these situations, when used as a last resort, maybe the child learns to respect the reason for the discipline and not how to circumvent it and still do what they want anyway. I guess the bottom line is to know your child(ren) and do what you have to do, when you need to do it. When you act responsibly, it's then that you earn respect.

Peace :spinstar:

Quote Sister NNQueen,

“I think that the dialogue here about the merits of spankings as a form of discipline, is good. In modern times it's often classified as "tough love." I'm sure we know those who deliver spankings for every little thing and often without explanations or reasons given. There are some parents, when under stress, wield out spankings in anger and frustration, and to the detriment of not only the child, but to the family as a whole. Fortunately though, from what I'm reading here, there are those who give thoughtful consideration to how they interact with their children and all to help them develop into productive and considerate adults. In these situations, when used as a last resort, maybe the child learns to respect the reason for the discipline and not how to circumvent it and still do what they want anyway. I guess the bottom line is to know your child(ren) and do what you have to do, when you need to do it. When you act responsibly, it's then that you earn respect.”


Unquote



Peace Sister Queenie,

That was a very well balanced post, Sister Queenie. I was thinking, if I should call my mother and ask her did she”… wield out spankings in anger and frustration…” when she was raising the 5 of us, as a single mom. For I’m sure we stressed her many times (_lol) and I’m sure she was going to make sure our foolishness, at times, was going to be, to our own detriment and not hers. :lol:

But honestly, I think all that my mother gave us, from spankings, to wisdom, to spirituality, to loving touches and words, is the only reason I’m still alive and have survived so long. For, we grew up in a few, pretty tough environments and spanking was the least of our worries, even when we didn’t fully understand, all of the dangers of life and the reasons for discipline.

Peace


P.S. – defining the word “love(-ing)” in the context of mother to child “usually” goes without questioning, in a natural relationship.

I got spanked..I did fear my parents a little. I know my parents loved me and they explained to me why I got what I got. I know kids who don't get spankings. Their parents try to talk everything out. Some of those kids walk all over their parents. I watch some of these morning shows like Muary or Ricki Lake. And they have all these kids acting the fool with their parents. You're telling me that if a kid curses his parents they don't deserve a spanking? If a kid hits their parents, they don't deserve a spanking? I got spankings for things like disobeying my parents or being disrespectful to another adult. I took it and learned my lesson. I love my parents for laying down the law the way that they did. I didn't like it at the time, but I wasn't suppose to. The combination of love and fear worked for us. Worked for my sister, my cousins, and close friends of the family. In my experince, spankings work. They aren't always needed. But in those cases when they are...they work wonders.

yes i have to agree that it really works for the best
i truely don't believe that if a child or children never
get a spanking they will be so highly raised and never
feel the warth of a belt just the feed of talking we all know
that this not really true to bring young teens up they will
like it was stated run over you because they know nothing
going to happen but those who know about the belt also know
that if they act bad , mess up , or do any out the way thing
what will happen it is rare you fine a KID who been raised from
the common rule or history of family on spanking will never
dis re spect their parents
so now let's do the math here
just talks , no belt helps but not cure as they get older
a control factor move in talks out the window now ready
to strike back at the parents , street ridden now 6+ years
jailed a lost child ......lay the belt , talk as needed understanding
a respectful child , college bound , better emotions & feeling
no jail happy + future in life
i say this if my mom & dad had not spanked me truely i would
have felt they didn't love me ....
as my mom use to say ...baby i'm not about to spank you
because i'm mad or want to hurt you nor am i doing it because
you are bad but for what you did and because I LOVE YOU !!!
those words stayed with me forever and here i am a well respected person a man who care and better from the little
spankings ........There is no wrong in spanking a child
i will never believe that not once ....but i say that's beautiful
for those who don't have to spank and talking really do help
but it's really a myth that it make a child better i know
spanking do because i am a living wittness to it .......
you may not want to hear it but spanking save lives!

you may not want to hear it but spanking save lives!

Okay, Brother Rich, I never looked at spankings from this perspective before, but you might have a point! :)

Peace :spinstar:

as my mom use to say ...baby i'm not about to spank you
because i'm mad or want to hurt you nor am i doing it because
you are bad but for what you did and because I LOVE YOU !!!
those words stayed with me forever and here i am a well respected person a man who care and better from the little
spankings ........There is no wrong in spanking a child
i will never believe that not once ....but i say that's beautiful
for those who don't have to spank and talking really do help
but it's really a myth that it make a child better i know
spanking do because i am a living wittness to it .......
you may not want to hear it but spanking save lives!

Hmm.. I guess if you say that works for you, I guess it did. However, from my experience with child education and development, the attention span of a child goes with their age. The attention span of a 3 year old is rated around 3 minutes... maybe a little more. If you punish a child for something they did
5 hours ago.. they don't really understand why you're punishing them. Children have different behavior cycles at different ages. It helps to realize this so that we know what is age appropritate behavior and what is not.

I nor my friends spank our children. Their ages ranges from the ages of 6 months to 9 years old. None of these children have discipline problems and are very respectful children. They are given consequences for their actions.
I think that some of us know some children who don't get beatings and are highly disrespectful and undisciplined. In those instances, several factors may be present such as the parent(s) refusing to discipline their child for ANYTHING at all, single parenthood, parent(s) too frustrated or to busy to take an active role in raising their child or simply, the parent dosen't respect anyone themselves!

We all know people who have got beatings growing up and still grew up bad. It starts with discipline period. It also has to do with knowing and understanding your child. With anyone, your best attributes on the flipside are you worst attributes. For example someone who is very calm an collected may also be too laid back. We just have to recognize gifts, attributes and personalities of our children, and deal with them in a way that will empower them. There is no cookie-cutter solution for all children. My best advice would be to get to know your children. They're probably more like yourselves than you know :)

i think beatings depend on the child....sometimes u have a couple of knuckleheads that need there ***** skined but other times i think its due to let them slide...don't let them get by with everything...but don't beat them for anything either...i think if u balance it in a good way...than everything should be fine....
:heart:
-story

my background is n science &, i m a big believer n the emperical method of obtaining reliable information, when feasable & practical. the following is offered primarily as an observation, a possible option that u may wish 2 explore & is not meant 2 criticize anyone s particular method of child rearing, o k? i confess, i m not a big believer n corporal punishment.

corporal (physical pain) punishment has repeatedly been documented as 1 of the least effective methods of regulating behavior or implementing lasting behavior modification. while u (& i m using the generic u here) may not agree w these findings, i defy anyone 2 produce a university or independant credible research abstract thats been published, that demonstrates its effectiveness over other techniques. n every research paper i ve read that dealt w this, corporal punishment was more effective than only ONE other option: doing nothing.

most parents could benefit immensly from attending a class or studying a mannual on operant conditioning. this is really just a fancy term for: reward. the major operating principle behind op con is this: behavior that ultimately produces reenforcement (or reward) is more likely 2 b repeated than behavior that doesen t. humans r above all else pleasure seeking organisms. now, u hv 2 read that statement carefully 2 get the picture, it says, above all else. the urge 2 avoid punishment or pain is second on the hierarchy. but that gap is significant because what that means is that f something provides sufficient pleasure, & f that postulate is correct, humans, yes, even little humans, will suffer pain n order 2 get 2 a reward. does this ever happen n real life? yes, it happens all the time, u just hv 2 know how 2 recognize it.

bringing the messege a little closer 2 the topic at hand, what that means is this: u can produce greater changes & longer lasting behavior modification of children, dogs, cats, dolphins, & yes, even rats & men, by REWARDING them when they do good than u can by punishing them when they do bad. this is really a simple & cosmicly beutiful principle of life, but 1 that parents find difficult/impossible 2 accept. one of the major problems w it is that it flys n the face of how they, the parents, were brought up. 'my daddy (mama) spanked me (us) when we misbehaved, & c how well we turned out?' yeah, well, some of our parents also: grew up w/o indoor plumbing (go 2 the outhouse), watched a 14" b&w tv, f they had one at all, & drove a car that had a top speed of 50 mph, f they had one. i don t c anyone trying 2 hold onto those.
i ve also had black parents tell me that this sounds like some white mumbo jumbo, or something that white households would practise, at which point i usu ask them f they think that we, black parents, should hv any less regard 4 the feelings of our children than they, white parents, do? it is simply a technique, an option, & it can b any color u want it 2 b.

another problem is that its implementation requires a totally different mindset 2 administering dicipline. parents today, as a general rule, all 2 frequently ignore good behavior. but let something bad happen & the child becomes the center of attention. therein lay the paradox. every child craves attention. so, this type of pattern sets up a scenario where, under some circumstances, a child will intentionally misbehave b/c any attention, even negative attention, is better than being ignored. w operant conditioning u must gradually change the platform. good behavior must b attended 2 & rewarded & it is misbehavior that should b ignored.


now, admittedly, watching 11 yo jimmy back the caddy out of the driveway n a downpour, during rush hour, while ur husband is laying underneath it, changing the oil, as u spot a highway patrol cruser coming around the corner will surely test ur resolve...... o k, just kidding. as w all dicipline methods there r limitations & exceptions. not all errant behavior can b ignored & some clearly shouldn t b. but the soundness of the principle remains. and although it should go w/o saying, i must add that the reward must b something the child perceives as a reward. rewarding jimmys good report card by allowing him the 'priviledge' of scraping off the encrustations on aunt patty s bunions is prob much more of a reward 4 her & unlikely 2 produce the desired effect n him.

as u can c, this method does require a heavy time investment & is much less 'handy' than the nearest belt, but unlike the belt: it doesen t leave welts or bruises, u can t b arrested 4 it, it doesen t teach violence as a solution, it can b performed anytime, anywhere w/o embarassment 2 u or the child, and it is user & recipient friendly. there r an infinite # of ways the program can b set up. i know 2 parents that use the star method. good behavior is rewarded by placing a magnetized star (or whatever) on a level of the fridge that can b seen but not reached by the children. accumulated stars can b traded n 4 any variety of 'goodies'. there r even different sized stars that indicate different magnitudes of reward. misbehavior usu results n not getting a star. really egregious behavior can result n the removal of a star (u d b amazed at the pain & heartbreak this engenders).

does this system always work? no, but n 95% of the cases where it doesen t, the problem is at the implementation (i.e. parents) level, not at the childs. remember that phrase that u ve seen around that says, there s no such thing as illegitimate children, only illegitimate parents? well, i can almost say the same thing when it comes 2 behavior & dicipline. there r actually hardly any bad children at all n the world, but there is an abundance of bad parenting & poor diciplinarians.

brother herukhumaat, i jus wanted 2 re-post this n support of ur enlightened perspective & applaud ur exemplary insights. what i hv discovered is, anecdotally reinforced or faith based beliefs whether on child dicipline, or any other topic r generally indellibly entrenched 4 the life of the believer, sort of like imprinting. the accumulation of facts or penetrating logic capable of dissuading them does not exist anywhere in the known universe. they hv a gr8 deal of time, energy, and loyalty invested n defending these beliefs, & they know they r correct. how do they know? they just do.

once a conclusion has been reached n this manner (immaculate misconception ), postulates 2 the contrary r doomed. rebuttal evidence is invariably specious, flawed, misguided, patently untru, biased, outdated, inapplicable, or otherwise invalid. their postion, on the other hand, has attained the lofty status of an immutable aphorism, and, as such, is unquestioned, or at least shld b, by every1 except u! keep up the good work bro.

Alkebulan, Say what you will.

HerukhuMaat,Let me know the outcome of how things are when your child is as old as mine. She'll be 17 in a few months.

I still believe that 6 spankings over 6 years is not bad...for the most part her discipline was long talks and restrictions...which she probably hates even more than just getting the spanking. If you paid attention at all, most of the people who were doing the spankings (on this post) weren't immediately reaching out forthe nearest belt and I know for a fact that my daughter never had a bruise or a welt on her body that was put there by me.

Rewarding her GOOD deeds over the years has probably been highly beneficial, which is why she really hasn't needed much disciplining/reminding over the last 4 years...her teen years at that, and she has been a dream to raise. So don't think for one minute that someone who has occasionally spanked their child is a one-dimensional parent.

If I had to listen to a long-winded speech every time I did something wrong coming up....I would have surely run away from home. I 'll take the 4 spankings I got in my life over that any day. My father never laid one hand on me in his life, my mother did that. My father loved to talk, often times getting side-tracked and off topic. I usually forgot what I had done to deserve the SPEECH about 15 minutes in and usually tuned him out.

Hey.....Remember Slavery?


No, our ancestors did not get spanked, but they did get hit. They got hit for doing something as simple as relaxing their muscles. Sometimes parents are too hard on the kids. I agree with Non-spanking absolutely.

I will need to read all the other posts before I go any further to gain a better understanding, because I am not a parent yet, and I am right now stating 99% that I will NOT hit my children.

You see, I was beaten too much by many people in my childhood days. Not one of those beatings taught me anything. They just put scars all around my body, and I had to go to school to hear about how my mother was arrested for beating me, and then they see the scars. That was embarrassing. And I was spanked just for being outside with my older cousins playing around 1 hour past my curfew. What is wrong with just "Go to your room, you are not to go outside for XX amount of days or whatever? Why the physical abuse?

It is unecessary, cruel, painful inside and out, and not a good way to raise children.

I am everything that I am, and my discipline is estimated by how well I raised myself. I did not need to destroy my skin and body to learn to do the right thing. My people just did not raise me right.

You get your people around, and swear like a storm with your kids right there. They hear you, regardless of if they are 1, 2, or 3 years of age, they hear that. I am one of the only people that I know that dealt with so much violence stricken upon me, and turned out to be a non-violent person.

You hit them - they think it is okay to hit others. Then you want to beat them for hitting someone.

You yell at them - they think it is okay to yell at others.

You swear at them - They think it is okay to swear at others.

YOU DO IT AROUND THEM, THEY THINK IT IS OKAY TO DO IT AROUND OTHERS. BILL COSBY TALKED ABOUT THAT, EVEN THOUGH I HOPE YOU KNOW MY THOUGHTS ABOUT HIM.

But the point is, keep them positive, and they will not do much negative that deserves a spanking. That means keep them under your nose. The smartest kids I know do not get beatings, and they are kept under the nose of their parents.

Do the same. Keep the kids out of trouble, and they will not need abuse. Better yet, they can and will do the right thing.

Cedric Denson

there has never been anything wrong wit a little spanking and yes i've
known it to do lots of good i say spanking a child gives them a direction
a path and reward them just the same then holla and always the long speech
if my parent had not tame by behind a few times i would be behind bars today
it help me understand some facts and reasons it made me a better man
trust me it's nothing wrong with a spanking to get your point across to a child
every home / family is different and the surrounding are different the trouble
they face from the streets and so call friends makes a different a parent knows
when it warren a spanking or a talking .

CEDRIC:

You seem to have a good idea of what you want to do and a plan. That is all you need. Do not allow anyone to tell you how to be a "black" parent. Do not follow like a sheep either. Look to the parenting practices of many and take what is good and leave what is garbage. Not everything black parents did in the "good ole days" was good at all....yet some aspects of their parenting was good. Take what you need.


Sorry to hear you had crappy parents. The important part is that you can admit it while many black folk will not cause it is easier to follow a bad example, than start a new trend in the fam tree and set a good one.

MrBlak

CEDRIC:

You seem to have a good idea of what you want to do and a plan. That is all you need. Do not allow anyone to tell you how to be a "black" parent. Do not follow like a sheep either. Look to the parenting practices of many and take what is good and leave what is garbage. Not everything black parents did in the "good ole days" was good at all....yet some aspects of their parenting was good. Take what you need.


Sorry to hear you had crappy parents. The important part is that you can admit it while many black folk will not cause it is easier to follow a bad example, than start a new trend in the fam tree and set a good one.

MrBlak

Thank you very much MrBlak, that mean't a lot to me.

You know, I am not trying to get everyone on my side or anything, but here on Destee, you people respresent at least 90% of the tips that I learn in being a great parent. When I was younger, I did not want children. I did not know anything about raising kids back then. Now, ever since I have had kids running up to me with the biggest hugs felt around the world, I feel that I am capable of being a good father to my kids and others. The more I pay attention to Destee.com and the people on it, the more intellectual I become.

I just believe in raising children around me at all times, because I know that they can stay out of trouble and learn at the same time with me. I got out of hand when I was writing that post. You all are talking about "spanking." I got spankings from my foster parents simply for joking with my foster sister by telling her she was not the finest in her high school. But then again, you look back at your childhood and realize all of the things that you did wrong and say "I should not have done that." That whole week my foster mother was bragging about how she spanked this person and that person over the past years. I figure that since I did not behave bad enough for a spanking, she had to find the littlest reason to do so.

The rest of my family gave me brutal beatings. I do not like the idea of sending my child to school with scars all over their body because I allowed them around the wrong group of friends, and my kid just came in upset telling mt to "shut up." You can spank a child for reasons like that so that they do not say it again, but you do not need to beat them for it. Or you are upset in lieu of a rough day at work, and your kids start to irritate you. I don't think spanking your kids for irriating you is going to solve your problem. Beating them is worse.

But yeah, I just got spanking and beating all mixed up, that's all. It's just surprising how all of the spankings and beating I got did not teach me a darn thing.

The more I pay attention to Destee.com and the people on it, the more intellectual I become.

Awwwww ... this is so nice to read ... thank you Brother Cedric Denson.

In spite of the things you've experienced, it's obvious that you've not allowed them to harden your heart or break your Spirit. Such a blessing. You are a wonderful young man and i'm certain you'll make a great Father!

Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee

Alkebulan, Say what you will.

HerukhuMaat,Let me know the outcome of how things are when your child is as old as mine. She'll be 17 in a few months.

I still believe that 6 spankings over 6 years is not bad...for the most part her discipline was long talks and restrictions...which she probably hates even more than just getting the spanking.

If I had to listen to a long-winded speech every time I did something wrong coming up....I would have surely run away from home. I 'll take the 4 spankings I got in my life over that any day. My father never laid one hand on me in his life, my mother did that. My father loved to talk, often times getting side-tracked and off topic. I usually forgot what I had done to deserve the SPEECH about 15 minutes in and usually tuned him out.

Wow. We're talking about optimum here CarrieMonet. Why is it that we think we should accept mediocrity from ourselves as a people.

Just because our parents may have only beat us a total of 6 (six) time in our lives dosen't mean it's still not damaging. Optimum means that you expect and are entitled to the best. Yes you want your car to get you from point A to point B, however you still want it to accelerate quickly from the red light. You still want your car to break on demand while getting your from point to point. So if we can provide our children with the optimum mental stability then why shouln't we.

Let's look at it in a more proactive light. Instead of saying that the 6 beatings also kept her in check, why not say hmmm...whatever else I was doing kept her in check. The talks and the restrictions were essential in her development and if that worked the majority of the time...or if the talks had the most OPTIMUM effect, then why were the beatings even warranted at all.

Some parents beat or yell at children because they themselves are frustrated. Children live in their own world and it's all about them. When children (who are just small or phyically immature adults) do things that are percieved as bad or undisciplined it is because they're seeking attention. They're crying out for help or guidance.

We often view and treat children through adult eyes, when we really need to deal with them at their level. The realm of the child is different than the realm of the adult. We as adults realize this but are so caught up with our own lives that we choose not to remember what it was like to be a child.

I do not spank, however I'm still working on watching the things that I do say to my child. I yell at times and that may be just as worse and damaging than beatings. Sometimes it is just as important of HOW you say things as what is being said. My child often cries when I do speak to him very harshly. My son is 3 years old but very articulate. I yelled at him one day and he said to me:"Daddy please don't yell at me. I'm your son".


I'm all for stern warnings. However, when I do yell or speak sternly I follow it up with a hug and let them know that I still love them. It's important to let your child understand that certain things, behavior-wise cannot and will not be accepted. But it's just as important for children to know that you are objecting to a behavior and not rejecting them as a person in the process.

So let's do what's optimum for our children so they can get from point to point in life, faster, safer, and more efficiently.

HerukhuMaat I like your point about black people accepting things becuase "it could be worse". We need to set the bar higher for ourselves and always improve on the parenting of the past.

I have heard parents say "I dont abuse my kid...hitting a kid over the head with a metal pipe is abuse". They say that to justtify whipping the @#$% out of a kid for every little thing.

As for those who say it does not happen often, if they a using objects to do it and/or leaving welts the damage is still done. To deal with a kid open handedly only as a true last resort....not the last resort you use every other day, ....is good parenting IMO. I have seen that work many times.

Black people like to not break down corporal punishment, because then they would have to look at themself more critically. There is a difference between spanking (open hand), and beating with an object. Studies have shown that children who are spanked occaisionally with an open hand turn out much better than those who dont get it and way better than those who get beaten with switches and belts.

Black people as usual though wanna make excusses for what they went thru talking about slavery and how thats all black people knew....give me a break. Slavery is long over. There is no need to whip a black child ever. That makes the parent feel better. They feel a spoiled child is any child that does not suffer as much pain as they did as a child. So they carry on about how great they turned out (with no one else testifying to that), and basically give an ends-justify-the-means argument. Then they dismiss any proof that beatings CAN have negative effects. They speak on who is in jail....funny...I didnt know one had to go to jail to have turned out "bad"....apparently most people turned out "good" then. Also, many people in jail DID get beat. Not everyone in jail was born after the early 80s and had parents who let them get away with everything.

Then there are those who know they dont need to use an object but use the bible as an excuse to do so....funny thing, I didnt know shepards whipped sheep with those "rods".

People point to kids who dont get hit being out of control....guess what??? Their parents never taught them how to act!!!!!!!!!!! That is the main point. I have seen strict parents never lay a hand and get well balanced kids....I have seen kids that got beat and turned out bad. There is more to parenting than hitting, otherwize any one over 12 who can swing a belt would be a great parent.

JMO

MrBlak

Well, that is great some may not have to spank their child. But that don’t determine if a child becomes bad or good. They pick their life, as they become adults. so to tell me it makes them bad I disagree they pick what road they wanted to go down as young adults. That spanking they got ain’t got nothing to do with it.

Well, that is great some may not have to spank their child. But that don’t determine if a child becomes bad or good. They pick their life, as they become adults. so to tell me it makes them bad I disagree they pick what road they wanted to go down as young adults. That spanking they got ain’t got nothing to do with it.
Yeah.....if you teach a child to be responsible and think about what they want, and instill in them a drive to succeed, you will have done more than any ***** whooping ever could for their success in life. :spinn:

You can install what ever you like in a child but that don’t determine, if they will take that road. They will do much of what they want to do. You can teach a child to be responsible. But that don’t mean they will follow that either. You can place all you wish in a child. But it’s that child becoming an adult, which is willing and wanting enough out of life to follow in which was instilled,to do right.

You can install what ever you like in a child but that don’t determine, if they will take that road. They will do much of what they want to do. You can teach a child to be responsible. But that don’t mean they will follow that either. You can place all you wish in a child. But it’s that child becoming an adult, which is willing and wanting enough out of life to follow in which was instilled,to do right.

So lets throw our hands up in the air and leave it to fate?? :confused:

I think you are from the school of thought that kids are born bad or good. am I right? Just wondering.

Hmmmm…. It’s not about if they are born bad or good. And no I am not from
Any school of sort thought that a child is born bad or good. But common sense must be place. Regardless what you want your child to be it don’t always fall that way. I don’t care how much you train or instill in them. It’s a thing of principle; if that is the way they choose to live, regardless of how they were raised.

I worked in the system for 10 years with so-called bad kids and young adults.…. some had spankings, some ain’t never felt a spanking. Some come from very good homes some not. So what happen to the ones who ain’t had no spanking, why are they in lock up?…because they choose to not install what they was taught? Or is it because they didn’t get a spanking when needed?


Do you have kids?
Do you work with kids?
Do you talk to kids?
just wondering :confused:

No I dont have kids. I am more on your side than you think. I have spent so much time arguing with folks (with and without kids) who saw the belt as a magic wand. To them everyone who got bet turned out good and everyone who didnt turnedout bad. I have not seen evidence of this.

Common sense is exactly the stance I am tking so why do you question whether I have the "expertise" to hold such an opinion when yours aint that different from mine? Is it an age thing?

Also, I am lost as to what exactly is your stance on this.

Why would it be an age thing? And I wanted to know your background in dealing with kids and young adults, not so much "expertise" but knowledge in dealing with kids. True a belt is not a magic wand. But sometimes a child need more then a talking to, talks don’t always help, yet a spanking don’t either, or what you install in a child. And folks without kids really don’t know if they never had the experience in dealing in rising a kid. You may be on my side but some things you stated just seems to me your only trying to find/figure out a reason why one most spank a kid and I don’t think you will find the true meaning until you have kids of your own IMO

Fair enuff, but when did I say I was against spanking all together?? Quote it for me.

As for becomming a parent, any fool can be a father, and any girl who reached puberty can get knocked up...many have. What gives them the right to act like experts? If one only knew about parenting from their experience with their own child, they wouldnt know much.....alot of it is time and observation of lots of parent child situations....What mkes your eyes different from mine in observing?

Also, mny parents out there have many kids and still dont know what the hell they are doing...simply reacting on emotion and anger. Then anything good that comes of it is becuase they were a "good parent" and anything bad is simply becuase "that kid was born bad".

This is what worries me about your position....you leave yourself enuff room to do the above.

How old were you when you had kids and what did you know at the time? Just wandering?

First off everything we do, we learn as we grow, your not born or raised to be good or bad parent. I didn’t state my eyes are different but my knowledge is good. I have 3 kids and raised 3 nephews, and work with kids. They have minds and feelings as well. They are human. And don’t let my time working with youth lock up fool ya I am younger then you think. :wink:

A child is not born bad or good, like I said we learn as we grow. If a child becomes bad or good its not b/c of the parent. Its b/c they took what was installed/learn as kids we (parents) only set the standards. If they pick a different road how is it that parents fault? Was it because they didn’t get a spanking or b/c they did? Or is that parent just a bad parent? So where are you trying to go with this?

Kids have peer pressure, some have low self esteem, some just go with the flow to just fit in. hint; we have leaders and we have followers. So your not gone sit here and tell me its what you install in a child, nor that a child is born bad or good. And depending how you were born determines if you will be a good parent.

And like I said we learned as we grow, there is no hand book or a wrong or right way to raise a child you do the best you can and use common sense. Just because so and so raised their kid one way don’t mean it will help you raise your child. Each case is different, each child is different….so what’s your point?

we stand the same and agree with the spanking...then it was to be a general discussion with my simple first reply. You turn it to more so i am giving my opinions and my thoughts. and i will state my points.. on your comments of the born bad or good. itmaybe some more but i aint looking for them.

I think you are from the school of thought that kids are born bad or good. am I right? Just wondering.

if you teach a child to be responsible and think about what they want, and instill in them a drive to succeed, you will have done more than any ***** whooping ever could for their success in life

I do and will spank a child! Not all children need a spanking though. It really depends on the character of the individual child. In my experience I never had to spank my oldest. She was the kind of child who would listen because the consequences wasn't something she was willing to face.

Now my Baby Sisters kids is a different breed! Shoot! Try telling them little ones to get in a corner!

Hmph! They will tell you what they are not going to do and believe me they wont do it. You will have to physically pick them up and place them in a corner, but dont blink for one minute because they will be kicking and fighting their way out of that corner!

A spanking don't mean nothing to these little ones. They take a spanking anyday and end up wearing you out! What I find that works for them sometimes is you got to take things from them.

For instance, My niece loves to go outside, But everytime she gets outside she acts a fool when she don't get things done her way. She starts running around, falling and laying all over the ground, screaming and hollering at the top of her lungs like somebody done stole something from her. What I did was stop taking her out! I told her that from now on we will be in the house while everyone else is outside enjoying the day. I explained to her through all the screaming, why we weren't going out. We was on lock for about 2weeks. Everyday she cried to go out and everyday I told her why we weren't going out. Eventually we went out, She started to act up and I said to her, Come on, We are going in the house, Baby sister straightened up real fast. She goes back to her negative behaviors every now and then and I go back to the routine.

Then there are the ones who won't move until you spank them. They do every deed that they can think of to weigh down your patiences. I find that these little ones be suffering from exhaustions. They don't know that they are tired and get very frustrated. They start acting out like the devils got their back. A spanking granted usually bring these one back to reality! When these little ones start acting out I point out to them that I know that they are tired. I tell them I don't want to spank them and for them to just come on over here and lay down, but if that doesn't work, well, you know what happens next.

My point is that every child is different. Some you will have to spank and some you won't. You have to analyze each and make your asessment. Spankings don't mentally damage a child unless it is not carefully consider whether a child needs a spanking or not.

Some parents don't know their children and use a spanking as a solution to they own lost of patiences and frustrations. In many of these cases a spanking turns into a form of abuse.

I am not against a spanking! I have had my share and believe me you, I know I needed them. It has made me personally, more respectful and consciences of my elders and others.

My point is that every child is different. Some you will have to spank and some you won't. You have to analyze each and make your asessment. Spankings don't mentally damage a child unless it is not carefully consider whether a child needs a spanking or not.

Some parents don't know their children and use a spanking as a solution to they own lost of patiences and frustrations. In many of these cases a spanking turns into a form of abuse.

I am not against a spanking! I have had my share and believe me you, I know I needed them. It has made me personally, more respectful and consciences of my elders and others.

I am with you this sis ^5

Awwwww ... this is so nice to read ... thank you Brother Cedric Denson.

In spite of the things you've experienced, it's obvious that you've not allowed them to harden your heart or break your Spirit. Such a blessing. You are a wonderful young man and i'm certain you'll make a great Father!

Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee

Thank you very much Destee. I teel you it has been an honor to be able to speak my mind on Destee, and find out what is right and what is wrong with the words that come out of my mouth. As the Gift from God that I am, I am obligated to learn from the past, manage in the present, and give back to the future (our children.) Day after day after day I meet new parents with children who spend 10 minutes with me, and just want to be around me for the rest of their lives. I was just with a parent yesterday who had a beautiful 2 year-old girl. She had so much fun being around me, that when it came bedtime, she cried as she was carried away from me to the bed. This is like the 4th time this week something like that has happened. I don't know what it is. Other adults do a better job with kids than I do, and they do not leave them sad and crying.

Thank you Destee for your post, and I look forward to continuing to hear from you!

Cedric Denson

^5 Sister Angel!!!!!!

First off everything we do, we learn as we grow, your not born or raised to be good or bad parent. I didn’t state my eyes are different but my knowledge is good. I have 3 kids and raised 3 nephews, and work with kids. They have minds and feelings as well. They are human. And don’t let my time working with youth lock up fool ya I am younger then you think. :wink:

A child is not born bad or good, like I said we learn as we grow. If a child becomes bad or good its not b/c of the parent. Its b/c they took what was installed/learn as kids we (parents) only set the standards. If they pick a different road how is it that parents fault? Was it because they didn’t get a spanking or b/c they did? Or is that parent just a bad parent? So where are you trying to go with this?

Kids have peer pressure, some have low self esteem, some just go with the flow to just fit in. hint; we have leaders and we have followers. So your not gone sit here and tell me its what you install in a child, nor that a child is born bad or good. And depending how you were born determines if you will be a good parent.

And like I said we learned as we grow, there is no hand book or a wrong or right way to raise a child you do the best you can and use common sense. Just because so and so raised their kid one way don’t mean it will help you raise your child. Each case is different, each child is different….so what’s your point?

we stand the same and agree with the spanking...then it was to be a general discussion with my simple first reply. You turn it to more so i am giving my opinions and my thoughts. and i will state my points.. on your comments of the born bad or good. itmaybe some more but i aint looking for them.
The only one I see turning this into something more is you. My first response to you was supposed to be in agreement with what I thought ws your position. Then from there you seemed to change your position just enough to disagree with everything I say...it makes me wonder if you really know what my position is or you just want to pigeonhole me into what you decided I am. I have been thru this before...very typical of discussions with black people. :maddd:

Well think what you like
for i dont judge but since you are
i gave my points on comments you made...
i will not be back in this thread.

Peace
Angel

No I dont have kids. I am more on your side than you think. I have spent so much time arguing with folks (with and without kids) who saw the belt as a magic wand. To them everyone who got bet turned out good and everyone who didnt turnedout bad. I have not seen evidence of this.

Common sense is exactly the stance I am tking so why do you question whether I have the "expertise" to hold such an opinion when yours aint that different from mine? Is it an age thing?

Also, I am lost as to what exactly is your stance on this.
not to be an *** but if you don't have kids it's hard to tell folk how to raise kids.....I personally spank my kids when they deserve it or in my eyes deserve it anyway.....however you don't just beat the brakes off a kid with no explanation as to why you did it ...there has to be both the hard hand and letting them know why they were punished the way they were...and in reality the longer I am a parent I realize just how much I don't know...we're all making this up as we go no one has a handle on how to be the perfect parent and anyone that says they do is a lie,,,,just like another post I saw about manhood we as men are making this up as we go doing the best we can with what we have and hopefully hopefully our kids will turn out at least as good ( hopefully better in my case) than we are. .....

If you don't whoop your kids you're asking for trouble. There are time when you can let them slide. It's not always necessary to "light them up". If you don't at all...you'll be one of those parents in the grocery store embarrassed after your kid tells you to "shut the @&%# up mommy!!" If you do whoop them you owe it to them to give them an explanation why. Don't just spank them and tell them go to bed. That does nothing. If all they are going to get for misbehaving is a time-out then don't be puzzled when your kid doesn't respect you or anyone else for that matter.

@ Kente: Plenty of kids never got the hell beaten out of them and turned out fine....A parent that controls the behaviour of their kid keeps their kid in control...physical punishment is not the be all end all, I have seen parents never lay a hand and control kids, I have seen parent slap kids only when needed and raise good kids too.....to whip a kid with objects is a CHOICE not a necessity...I dont give a **** what anyone says....people go overboard becuase they cant parent.....it takes an IQ of 3 to beat....but much more to parent. This is stuff I have seen with my own two eyes and had confirmed by people who work with problem kids in school, by people who work with kids in corrections and by people with kids.

Blacks are just one track minded....so I repsectfully.....but COMPLETELY disagree.

@ Missisippired: My opinion have all be confirmed as I stated above...I have also seen with my two eyes....my eyes see as well as any parent's.....though some people choose not to process some things that come before their eyes....I respect your standpoint though. By the way...I have told no one how to raise their kids.....people get pissed at me for simply giving an opinion they dont like....I have seen many childless people try to tell others with kids how to raise them....BUT since they reccomended the usual "black", "beat em half to death" formula, nobody questioned it.

peace to both a you.

Blacks are just one track minded....so I repsectfully.....but COMPLETELY disagree.

We're ALL one tracked minded?? Really? Thank god my daughter doesn't think so. Maybe I'll have her join this forum.Why don't you read all posts thoroughly before responding.

We're ALL one tracked minded?? Really? Thank god my daughter doesn't think so. Maybe I'll have her join this forum.Why don't you read all posts thoroughly before responding.

Unfortunately on this subject and a hand full of others, blacks are locked into certain ideas soooo much that the only time I find other people stepping out with "different opinions" is when I acted as the lightening rod and attracted all available hatred for my "different" opinion.

When people have to be scared to say something that others are not....the community is not open minded on that particular topic.

Mr.Blak it's not that I'm pissed or even hot by what you said my point is I can't tell anyone how to drive if I don't know how to myself, it's easy to sit back and look at parents and such and form opinions on how you think children should be raised but until you've gotten to do it your opinions are like a glass with a hole in it ..it just don't hold water.... and I never said beat your kids half to death but I do believe in a strong hand like I said but with explanation ...I don't just walk into my son's room and start throwing body shots because he's there .......like I said none of us and I mean none of us has a handle on the perfect parenting formula we are all making it up as we go just trying to do the best we can some spank some don't both types of kids for the most part turn out ok some turn out to be messed up on both sides so which is right ...no one knows....but don't think that I was hot as you for what you said....and in the same vein though I try not to ...on a general basis anyway...take advice from someone who has never done what I'm trying to do ...that would be like you telling me how to fish but have never wetted a line.. so we will have to agree to disagree on this point...

Mississippi from can to can't

Be safe be cool but if you can't be both at least be quick!! :smokin:

Mr.Blak it's not that I'm pissed or even hot by what you said my point is I can't tell anyone how to drive if I don't know how to myself, it's easy to sit back and look at parents and such and form opinions on how you think children should be raised but until you've gotten to do it your opinions are like a glass with a hole in it ..it just don't hold water.... and I never said beat your kids half to death but I do believe in a strong hand like I said but with explanation ...I don't just walk into my son's room and start throwing body shots because he's there .......like I said none of us and I mean none of us has a handle on the perfect parenting formula we are all making it up as we go just trying to do the best we can some spank some don't both types of kids for the most part turn out ok some turn out to be messed up on both sides so which is right ...no one knows....but don't think that I was hot as you for what you said....and in the same vein though I try not to ...on a general basis anyway...take advice from someone who has never done what I'm trying to do ...that would be like you telling me how to fish but have never wetted a line.. so we will have to agree to disagree on this point...

Mississippi from can to can't

Be safe be cool but if you can't be both at least be quick!! :smokin:

I have no prob with you and was not being specific to you about the getting angry thing. I know very well all I can do is offer an opinion...these are debate forums, not parenting instruction. I just get mad when my opinion is not respected.

You are not like most I have necountered who dont care who has kids or not....they just care that thier "black" opinion is supported.

All I care is that I can put my opinion out there....call it useless if you like but I have gained this knowledge from more PARENTS and child youth workers than I can count on one hand. I had my opinions and did not back them at first but in the last year I have started finding people willing to discuss with me their opinion and I now know that even though I aint got kids yet...many people who have kids...some full grown kids, and many who work with problem kids and youth think that I will do the job of parenting well if I stay the course and continue to study up on things.....there is nothing wrong with preparing for lifes biggest exam rather than sitting back and saying I will just do the "black" thing what ever that is.

Also, at least I am thinking critically on it. Black people that dont like my positions would rather I run out and knock up a girl and then think about how to be a parent when I already messed up my life creating a kid irresponsibly....I guess you cant impress people.

Anyways, I respect you dont want to learn from me....cause I NEVER attempt to teach what I dont have expertise for......but next time someone agrees with your parenting ideas and they dont have a kid....I hope you tell them they hold no water too just like me. (not that your opinion is far off from mine btw now that you explain) It has to apply accross the board to be real you know?!! You gotta cut of non-parents of all ages and all opinion equally. There are more people on this board you gotta ignore too by the way.

peace

Mr. Blak don't worry I also cut off folk who agree with me on things they have never done because I believe they are simply parroting what they heard me or somebody else say....I want them to experience it ( whatever it may be) do some thinking on it make some mistakes and then form some type of opinion and at that time then we can conversate on it...but I do respect that before you have a child you are looking into it and actually thinking about what you are doing before you do it wish I would have had to foresight to do that but hindsight is 20/20 ....yeah we actually pretty much agree on the issue...my main thing is do something discipline your kids how you feel is correct but do something tell them what is expected then when they step outside of that do something ...don't let them kids run over you because that's when we run into the real trouble......oh I know there are always folk to be ignored...I probably should ignore myself sometimes....
Mississippi Red :smokin:

Blacks are just one track minded....so I repsectfully.....but COMPLETELY disagree.

It's not about being black. It's about disipline. Some agree with it and some don't. I'm not saying whooping children heals the world, but I think you can only give kids time-out so many times before they start thinking daddy's a joke. You definately have to be able to communicate with your kids better than you dicipline them. You have to do both. I don't think you can do one or the other. There are kids that get hit for the smallest things without anyone ever telling them why it was wrong in the first place. Now that's wrong. Then there are kids that are told time and time again that something is wrong and they still do it. Why? Because they know if they do it again the parent will only tell them "no, time for another time-out". No kids respects time-out. Kids will respect a nice butt-whoopin when they know they deserve it.

It's not about being black. It's about disipline. Some agree with it and some don't. I'm not saying whooping children heals the world, but I think you can only give kids time-out so many times before they start thinking daddy's a joke. You definately have to be able to communicate with your kids better than you dicipline them. You have to do both. I don't think you can do one or the other. There are kids that get hit for the smallest things without anyone ever telling them why it was wrong in the first place. Now that's wrong. Then there are kids that are told time and time again that something is wrong and they still do it. Why? Because they know if they do it again the parent will only tell them "no, time for another time-out". No kids respects time-out. Kids will respect a nice butt-whoopin when they know they deserve it.

Fair enough......but I will never sit and outright agree with someone I meet until I know to what level they take it. I hear "whipping", "whooping" and immediately feel the rage building (my blood boils). I was never against physical punishment.....just the large number of blacks who cross the line. That is why I fight so feircely.

If I ruled the world, corporal punishment would not be outlawed....but it would be STRICTLY controlled thats all. Its just an "thing" I will not move on even when I do eventually have kids and do all the things I hated about my parents, I will feel the same way.

We will have to agree to ..... partially agree. :peace: :shades:

Fair enough......but I will never sit and outright agree with someone I meet until I know to what level they take it. I hear "whipping", "whooping" and immediately feel the rage building (my blood boils). I was never against physical punishment.....just the large number of blacks who cross the line. That is why I fight so feircely.

If I ruled the world, corporal punishment would not be outlawed....but it would be STRICTLY controlled thats all. Its just an "thing" I will not move on even when I do eventually have kids and do all the things I hated about my parents, I will feel the same way.

We will have to agree to ..... partially agree. :peace: :shades:

Sounds good man. I agree, some people do take it to the extreme. Spanking is the first and only option to many. I would prefer not to at all, but in my mind there is a time for it unfortunately. It's not like it's a pleasant thing to do. I do see what you're saying though, because some people hide behind the belt instead of learning how to be a good parent first.

You know, I thought back to my childhood and some of the spanking I got... A lot of times, we parents spank our kids for some behavior that WE are scared of. Like that old thing where the parent asks the child if they are o.k. and the child says yeah, and the parent goes good becuase I'm going to kill you.....

When certain things happen, you're always glad your child is okay, but you also want to make it perfectly clear that they are to never even dream of doing it again. I got spanked the most between ages 5 and 8. Those seem to be the demon ages, don't they?

My son is in that stage where I'm telling him no, and he's looking at me like I'm crazy. I have tapped his hand lightly and pointed to whatever it was and said no. So now, when he sees me coming, he throws his hands in the air and hands me whatever he was playing with that he shouldn't have been! LOL

Seriously, some good points have been made here. I guess it just depends on the situation and the person. When my son understands more words, I will talk to him, explain to him why he shouldn't do something... But in the case of my oldest nephew (he's 6) you can talk until you're blue in the face and he will not listen to you to save his life! When you go towards him with that belt or your hand in the air, he takes off running. My sister starts with a look, then goes into time out, and then he gets thumped if he's still acting crazy.

I am in favor of spanking a child. I have a 1year old little girl, yes, I plan on spanking her when she misbehaves, NO I will not beat her as I have seen some Parents do!. You have some kids who know EXactly what they are doing- those are the ones who needs the spanking. Then, you have the ones who really don't know that what they are doing or have been doing is wrong, so you'll have to discipline them differently. Thats what I believe anyway. For example, if a child is getting bad grades in school -I wouldn't whip her/him, I would try to find out why and correct the problem- not using physical force. But, my child is being downright disrespectful, you betta' believe he/she will be meeting Ms.Gucci!!

I don't think parents should spank. For instance, a child hits his/her sibling, and you spank them..saying don't hit ! Isn't that sending a double message. Secondly, the fear in that child's eyes is enough to break a heart. I saw a video on spanking children. I wanted to cry. There are other non violent ways...to get the point across that what they did was wrong, something that promotes growth..that gives a more positive result. There is nothing wrong with discipline..What type of discipline it is, is where the problem lies. Spanking shouldnt even be the last resort..it shouldnt be a resort at all. Also from a psychological standpoint..spanking can provide a sexual stimuli for the spanker...that's if their mind is sick like that.

spanking is not violent, but it allows the child to know of wrongdoing
everything a child does don't have to reflect in a spanking but some do
warrant it when needed , spanking is not to place fear in a child heart or eyez
but give them a direction between right and wrong, i bet this psychological is
a white man with no children that's for freaks not parents who care
talking sometime don't reach a mind of a child it go in and out and they still do
the same thing , never has it been wrong to spank nor harmful until one's let
their anger control them .....The law of GOD speaks on it not trying to quote
the saying but spanking a child while they young helps bring a fruitful seed

we all have different views of to spank or not to spank and from the great
stand point both is o'kay it's how every parent want to raise there children
if one elect to not spank it's fine but note one's who do is fine as well we
can judge the household of others but i agree spanking is not harmful nor
bring forth danger to that child but leaves a guiding path between right & wrong

trust me sitting a child in a corner don't work nor other less discipline actions
when a child is young and active
if there any truth this can harm children or make them worse change their
life and so destructive please let me know i like to know the truth !

I don't get NO sexual stimulation from spanking a child- that's sick!!!. There are some children tho' that needs a good poppin'! :nono: :spank:
Nisa,do you have children or nieces and nephews?. What would you do if you had a child that talked disrespectfully to you, what would be your form of punishment if any @ all? :confused:

WOW, $Rich$,I ain't never read a thread of yours that went past six lines. I must say that I am very impressed with what you had to say! Thread on Brotha'!!!!!

I don't get NO sexual stimulation from spanking a child- that's sick!!!. There are some children tho' that needs a good poppin'! :nono: :spank:
Nisa,do you have children or nieces and nephews?. What would you do if you had a child that talked disrespectfully to you, what would be your form of punishment if any @ all? :confused:


I said for sick people. I have no children. But the spanking. That's against my personal beliefs. Im not knockin yall..I disagree. I got popped with belts and all that sh*t, and I COULD NEVER DO THAT to my child. There would be punishment..but to spank them, ha never. :( Lemme come back to you on the punishment for that. Maybe the soap lol. Oh by the way i have a niece that is 3 months, when she gets older I will not spank her, that is not my role, sheesh. I wouldn't spank anyone.

i hear you on that , but once u bare children it will all change
children need at some point a spanking it helps , so you mean
after all the small spanking you recieve it didn't help at all or
did it hurt to a point where hate set in the mind or heart because
most of the tyme it help you become more right then wrong
i thank my parents for every spanking i got it really made me a
better person and a more compassionate heart and one who do
beat there children need a beating themselves .

Just have children and you will see all that goes into raising them
right and teaching them right from wrong it will require a spanking
at some point talking don't work always when they young and so
active......it won't hurt them or your heart but showing you care
and love it TOUGH LOVE YOU KNOW !!!!!! we all need that .

1hotvirgowoman ....sure i do you will find many i've spoken in
that went way past three lines but happy u notice my pen ...

No Prob' $Rich$, I give credit to where credit is due' Fo'Sho'!
:bowdown: :dj:

I don't get NO sexual stimulation from spanking a child- that's sick!!!. There are some children tho' that needs a good poppin'! :nono: :spank:
Nisa,do you have children or nieces and nephews?. What would you do if you had a child that talked disrespectfully to you, what would be your form of punishment if any @ all? :confused:

Sister Virgo, although you directed your question to Sister Nisa, if I may, I'd like to also respond to it because I think it's a very good question.

First let me say that I believe that any form of discipline (to some they call it punishment) should fit the behavior (who some refer to as a crime). So, in answer to your question of what would someone do if a child talked disrespectfully to you, if it was me, I'd first have to consider what it was that the child said and look at why they felt the need to say it. If the child was merely emulating my behavior and felt a sense of threat or disrespect from me, then I'd have to weigh that in terms of how I would respond. If I'm rational thinking at that moment, I'd probably apologize to the child for behaving in such a disrespectful way because I could then understand how they must have felt if I had talked to them that way.

On the other hand, if I had given the child no reason to lash out at me because I was merely doing what I felt a responsible behaving parent or guardian should do to nurture the child, then there may be a number of things I'd feel the need to do, one of which might include a spanking depending on what they said. A spanking may, however, not be my first reaction but if this was repititious behavior by my child I would not hesitate in the least to exhaust legal options to assert my responsibility to discipline that child.

Is spanking a child illegal now? Anyone know?

Queenie :spinstar:

Sister Virgo, although you directed your question to Sister Nisa, if I may, I'd like to also respond to it because I think it's a very good question.

First let me say that I believe that any form of discipline (to some they call it punishment) should fit the behavior (who some refer to as a crime). So, in answer to your question of what would someone do if a child talked disrespectfully to you, if it was me, I'd first have to consider what it was that the child said and look at why they felt the need to say it. If the child was merely emulating my behavior and felt a sense of threat or disrespect from me, then I'd have to weigh that in terms of how I would respond. If I'm rational thinking at that moment, I'd probably apologize to the child for behaving in such a disrespectful way because I could then understand how they must have felt if I had talked to them that way.

On the other hand, if I had given the child no reason to lash out at me because I was merely doing what I felt a responsible behaving parent or guardian should do to nurture the child, then there may be a number of things I'd feel the need to do, one of which might include a spanking depending on what they said. A spanking may, however, not be my first reaction but if this was repititious behavior by my child I would not hesitate in the least to exhaust legal options to assert my responsibility to discipline that child.

Is spanking a child illegal now? Anyone know?

Queenie :spinstar:

In Michigan it's against the law. That doesn't have anything to do with my decision however

the way you spank a child is illegal to beat or tourcher a child
by burns / water / bend of body parts /locking in a dark space/place
retain food ect.... but a spanking is not illegal no where it's not what
you do but, how you do it , when it come to bad behavior we all weight
in on the facts or matter at hand surely we all as children had an spanking
i will forever say spanking is good and helps in a way you can't see now
but will before the end did you know sometime a spanking save lives !
better to bend a child while they young or they will bend you or you will
be in jail one but know children are the most beautiful thing in a woman /
man live who care if you let them get by is speaks loud you don't care
spanking is a plus always has and always will spanking builds respect
it helps direct a path of a child some fall off still but 90% don't and become
all you hope they would be it also just part of many family tridition to harmony
within the home , don't fall in the hype that spanking is a crime or they being
victimize you will find they love you for it later .

Sistah' Queen, I like and agree with your logic. The Crime should always fit the punishment!. Children are an example of us. If we walk around disrespecting other Folks', in turn our child will pick up on these habits and do likewise. So, it's all about us as Parents too!. On the other hand, some kids are rebellious. Even though they had proper home training,some still decide that they want to disobey!. Sometimes, those were the kids that didn't get spankings,I'm not gon' say that all kids that didn't receive whoopings turned into bad seeds,nooo, I'm not gon' say that @ all, for some of those kids turned out to be decent adults.

In Michigan it's against the law. That doesn't have anything to do with my decision however

Thank you Sister Nisa. I had no idea it was illegal to spank a child in Michigan. Do you have any idea how they define what a spanking is? A tap on the buttocks versus several slaps on the behind with a hand? I'm sure if you use something other than your open hand it might be prohibited. What do you know?

Queenie :spinstar:

If it is illegal to spanks one's child in Michigan, I wonder what the juvenile justice courts look like?

Pan i bet it's full !........ if it's empty then the juvenile centers are full
with children .

It's not full., lol otherwise the jails would be full of mothers and fathers. Michigan is doing just fine Now in California you have a problem...a girl killed her mom because she spanked,it's illegal there as well, I used to live there.

lol.......i hear ya well in CHICAGO we spank and do it good
and these kids love us for it !
THE SYSTEM ......

So, can I interpret the laws against spanking a child to mean that this society doesn't encourage physical discipline of children who disobey or break rules of their parents? :thinking: Is spanking a child, used as a form of discipline, considered an act of violence against children because America detests violence? I would find this extremely interesting if this was the case because of the vast number of ways that violence is demonstrated in this country, primarily in our penal system. More and more children are killing their parents and the judicial system wants to heavily debate as to whether they should be tried as adults because they are still considered "children". When does a child become old enough to discipline for the things they do that are just plain wrong? What about the children in Columbine? As we can see, some states make it illegal to spank a child when they're young enough to learn better from it but it's more than okay to send them to the gas chamber, electric chair or die from a lethal injection when they are adults.

This is contradictory don't you think?

Queenie :spinstar:

Great point NNQueen i must say it resound like it ......then it's much confussion

so the only discipline of a child is through the court system & law makers ???
Juvenile centers
Jail
or death

I find it hard to understand because i know a good old spanking can save
more then a few from the system that's set up for us we still loose a few but many
are saved to become lawyers , Doctors , Teachers , and good parents themselves
it's just part of our history and the way we bring our children up .

Light em up like lil firecrackers. They'll thank you for it later.

Drop me a line

deb0 a spanking is fine but to light'em up would be harash to the child
but like they use to say burn that butt up and watch how this child make
you proud !

A very good topic indeed. This could go into a lot of areas, for children as well as adults. From the beginning of our lives in terms of understanding things, we've been given a system of "reward and punishment". In church it was be good and you'll go to heaven...be bad and you go to hell. Santa only brought the children what they wanted "if" they were good. If we obey the law we remain free and in good standing, if not, then it's off to jail and we change your social standing.

Even in relationships we find that affection and intimacy are often incorrectly used as weapons based on how one partner accepts the other partners behavior. The question of spanking a child has to be based upon the childs development and attitude of what's acceptable behaviour in the home and if they fully understand the nature of what they did that was unacceptable.

Strike one might be punishment, and that's mearly to see if and how they respond to the punishment. The second act of the same nature not only informs the parent that the punishment did nothing for them or meant nothing to them, but it equally allows the parent to understand that the child now knows and has chosen to repeat the same action because they incorrectly think or assume that "all they are going to get is the punishment again...(and in their little mind, they can handle that).

It is at this point that the line of communication may or may not be drawn in terms of who means business, who is the parent and if what the parent says is meant to be followed. No matter what the action it must be tempered by and with love and communication so that there is no misunderstanding on the childs part concerning family, home rules and their position in the home and in the hearts of the parent.

Therefore the idea of ripping their behinds becomes a personal one based upon those factors...cause there are very clearly children who only respond to or have a fear of having their behinds torn apart, and as such, tend to stay in line so as not to be on the receiving end of that pain.

According to FIA, the present state of law is that:

1) Parents cannot spank their child. Spanking, even with clothes covering the bottom, is severe physical abuse. Parents are only to use time out, reasoning and loss of privileges.

2) Parents cannot engage in physical self defense to protect themselves from a physically hostile teenager. An act of self defense by a parent is severe physical and emotional abuse. Parents are to use reasoning, time out and loss of privileges only and must sacrifice their physical safety for their violent teenager's safety.

3) Parents cannot argue or talk about adult subjects, such as family finances, in front of their children. These are subjects that the child has no control over and creates extreme emotional distress in the child. FIA has classified this area as emotional or environmental abuse and/or neglect of the child.

4) Parents with low income are neglecting their children's basic needs.

Low income parents cannot provide for the proper medical, physical or emotional needs of their children due to their limited income. The parents' failure to obtain middle income jobs means environmental, medical and emotional neglect.

5) Parents that fail to take their child to the family physician for colds, flu, sniffles and mild congestion, or parents who fail to obtain a family pediatrician are neglecting the medical needs of their children. FIA has classified this as medical neglect.

6) Parents who own pornographic materials, such as magazines, books, video tapes, and conceal such materials from their children have created environmental and emotional neglect of their children. Parents who own and hide such material run the risk that children will find these material and view them causing emotional harm to their children. FIA has classified this as environmental neglect.

7) Divorced, single parent families seem to be targeted by FIA as high risk environments for emotional and environmental neglect. Most single parent families are low income and of course, according to FIA, cannot provide for the basic needs of the children as measured against middle income standards.

In Michigan, they will also disarm you if you spank your child. This woman,even though it is not stated in the article, has forever lost her right to arms.http://www.gunowners.org/klspank.htm :uhh:

Mom Convicted of Slapping Daughter
By Jim Suhr
Associated Press Writer
Friday, November 14,1997; 9:27 a.m. EST

NOVI, Mich. (AP) -- A woman who disciplined her wayward 14-year-old daughter with a slap in the face, giving her a black eye, has been found guilty of misdemeanor assault and battery.


Kathi Herren, 32, said her conviction Thursday sends the wrong message for parents who want to disciple their children.

"You're going to have a bunch of out of control teen-agers; doing whatever they want," she said. Jurors "have no idea ! what they've done."

The count carries a penalty of up to three months in jail and a $500 fine, although Judge Brian MacKenzie said he had no intention of sending her to jail.

I personally believe in a spanking and I really don't give a care what laws have been incorporated. One minute you can go to jail for spanking the next you are being questioned why there was no discipline in the house to prevent certain actions as the child grows older. No I don't think that a child should get a spanking for everything because each child is different. At 3 years old now I tell my child that mommy and daddy don't want to spank you for everything. When she is in trouble I let her no when she is going to get a spanking and when she is not both times she will still tell us what's wrong. When she wrote on my white walls like she was Picaso I spanked her butt. When she bucked up to another child at the daycare I talked to her both times she talked to me. Has she wrote on my walls or bucked another child? No.

Thats absurb! You do realize what they are doing? They are stealing the rights of parents to provide their children with information that molds them to become individual thinkers. Parents won't have a voice in the learning process of their children. The system will takes over the rights of that child, feeding him/her as little information about real life situations. Controling their individual righs to think for themselves.

If you can control a childs mind, and then that child grows up to raise children of his/her own, you are creating a generation of people who don't think for themselves, who have limited information, who just do as the are told.

Many people are so busy focusing on the war, politics, and economics, when decisions to restrict parents rights are being gradually stolen from them. When everythings settles down, and the new laws start to take off in rapid speed, it will be too late for decent parent, (who encourages their children to learn all that there is,) to do anything about it.

People better come up out of the illusions that are distracting us from the real cause. New World Order is real! It isn't some story designed to put fear in the minds of people. If you are not afraid and unaware, shame on you!!!!

IT'S NOT THAT A LOT OF OUR PEOPLE ARE UNAWARE...THEY ARE FILLED WITH SHEER FEAR !!...AND THEIR FEAR SCARES THE HELL OUT OF THOSE OF US WHO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO. CAUSE GUESS WHAT?

WHEN YA LOCKED DOWN, BEAT DOWN, MEDIA PERSECUTED AND DRAGGED THROUGH THE STREETS...WHAT HAPPENS? ASK JESUS. HOW MANY TIMES DID HE SAY THE ROOSTER WOULD CROW BEFORE THEY WOULD DENY EVEN KNOWING HIM? WELL IN 2005 THAT SAME ROOSTER WOULDN'T EVEN GET HALF OF THE FIRST CLUCK OUT HIS NECK !!!

:bye: Were in big trouble, arent we?

I believe in spankings, but I think they're overrated in the black community. What matters most is that you give your child structure and discipline balanced with love and affection. If a child is raised properly, he or she simply won't need to be spanked, because they will be acting good most of the time.

As far as whether the spanking laws have an effect on how blacks discipline their kids... it won't on me. The only thing I'd do differently than what my parents and grandparents have done is I'd do the spanking at home.

I'm the step-father of 3 kids originally from Nigeria. I'm married to a white american and eventhough all three kids are from a previous marriage, I've been raising them since they were quite small.I married there mother when the oldest was 6 and the other 2 kids were (4 and 3). When we first married I noticed that the kids behaviour was very bad. My wife was not a believer in spanking but I convinced her and she has been pro-spanking ever since. Now kids are 12, 10, and 9.

Our permanent home is in Namibia but we travel worldwide as I work for an NGO and currently we are in Sri Lanka. I feel really bad for Nigerians that live in Western countries as they cannot properly discipline their kids. That's one of the reasons why we have decided to make africa (namibia) our home.

We are very strict with the kids and discipline is enforced with the cane. We have noted that having the cane hanged in the living room alone has an effect on the kids behaviour as it acts as a deterrent.

I'm the step-father of 3 kids originally from Nigeria. I'm married to a white american and eventhough all three kids are from a previous marriage, I've been raising them since they were quite small.I married there mother when the oldest was 6 and the other 2 kids were (4 and 3). When we first married I noticed that the kids behaviour was very bad. My wife was not a believer in spanking but I convinced her and she has been pro-spanking ever since. Now kids are 12, 10, and 9.

Our permanent home is in Namibia but we travel worldwide as I work for an NGO and currently we are in Sri Lanka. I feel really bad for Nigerians that live in Western countries as they cannot properly discipline their kids. That's one of the reasons why we have decided to make africa (namibia) our home.

We are very strict with the kids and discipline is enforced with the cane. We have noted that having the cane hanged in the living room alone has an effect on the kids behaviour as it acts as a deterrent.

Oyelowo ... Hello and Welcome ... :wave:

Are you saying that you are a Black Man that is beating his white step children with a cane?

What kind of cane is this? Like a candy cane, or is it like a big heavy stick?

You leave it hanging in the living room so they can see it? Oh my, this sounds like child abuse to me.

I guess if she's letting you do them that way, it works for yall. Do you beat her too?

Looking forward to your response. Thanks for joining us and sharing your discipline tips.

:heart:

Destee

Adults spank kids out of their own personal embarassment, frustration, lack of communication, and learned behavior from when they were children themselves.
I think this is more true than not.
I received beatings. The "thick belt with four holes per row, from a man 6' plus" kind of beatings.
And only once did I deserve it.

The only time I personally condone spankings is when the child is so stubborn that they refuse to listen to reason bc they insist on having it their way. In many instances this can be dangerous. Because if you are teaching the child to come in at a certain time, or not to jump out into the street, or to stay away from wall sockets/receptacles-and that child does as he/she pleases-then perhaps the child should "get the rod" so that they might get the point.

I cringe when I consider the possibility, though, that many of us have the whippings embedded in us from our received abuse during slavery.
But I feel certain that it is true to at least some degree.

As for the system, a whipping is the last thing about which the