I like treading on what some call a "touchy" subject. So I decided to put my boots on and tread like there ain't no tomorrow. So what are your thoughts?

I'm gon' have to go with Kemet on this one...
JUST SAY NO :nono:

Dayyyummm Blak :devil: ~ I know you don't do this yourself,
so why you want to evoke some ****?!

My stomach gets weak at the very thought of it...
so much that I can not even articulate and organize
my thoughts around to speak ~

I'll have to take the 5th for right now, maybe I'll come
back in with a more intelligent thought to add..


:uzi: :mad:

Guess I'll have to shoot you now!

Why people of African Descent should NOT take White people as mates or lovers, and be careful in having them as friends, associates, partners or comrades:

1. It goes against history: one does not love, serve or fraternize with the enemies of one's ancestors.
2. It goes against reason: it is not logical under a system of White World Supremacy.
3. It goes against what is natural and traditional: "The lion does not sleep with the tiger even though they are both of the cat family".
4. It develops in Black people a high level of Black Inferiority.
5. It disrupts the Black Family which is the basis of the Black Community: the Black Man and the Black Woman are natural compliments.

We are told by White liberals and Yuppie socialists that ideally you should love and associate with that person or those who love you and respect you regardless of colour (or gender, hmmmm, another topic for a later date). But the history of our relationship with those of European descent all over the world in the last 500 years slaps us awake to the reality that even today they are focused on our destruction. Individually we may have good and pleasant relationships with White persons, but their collective consciousness, shaped by their history, makes them see us: Black Males, as their natural enemies, and Black Women as their mammies and objects of exotic sexual play-things. This does not mean however, that you SHOULD be with someone who is Black if they don't treat you with respect, loves you with a healthy disposition and is there to support you unconditionally. It does mean though that in knowing who you are, and where you come from, that you must consciously develop a loving, respectful and supportive relationship with those of African descent for the survival and progress of our community. For those of us of African descent in the world of Eurocentric Supremacy, we must never forget that: "The personal is the political". Unfortunately this mindset is essential to our survival as a people......

:heart:

I am with Kemet......Just say no!

The topic says interracial. Duhhhhhh

Why in the fuqk does it have to be with some white MOFO? Dang. When are people going to get offa that ole BLACK/WHITE dichotomy mental chain?

I date, snuggle and cuddle with any woman irrespective of race. Love is love.

:love:

I love women.

When love comes I am not going to choke myself with a bowties and bean pies of AFRICAN AMERICAN CULTURAL POLICE policies of paranoia.

Love is love.

No time for mental baggage either. Away with the pain lets live and love baby.

:heart:

The lion and the cat is a loada bull. :rolleyes:

Aint no such thing as BLACK COMMUNITY. I dont see no GUN TURRETS protecting the best interests of your community.(invaders247)

It is not interracial dating that corrupts your community it is practices of noncoalition that has many AZZZZZED OUT, disenfranchise when FATSO SHARP-TON is all your community has who stands up and run for president.

May as well get the comedian D.C.Curry to run for PRESIDENT.

I FEEL WE SHOULD STAY WITHIN OUR OWN
BUT MANY OTHERS SEE IT AS O~KAY
NOT ME ~~~!!
I PERSONALLY LOVE MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK SISTAH'S
REAL QUEENZ NOT MAKE BELIEVE ONE
I THINK AND SAY NO!
JUST MY POINT OF VIEW.

Too much emotional stress... I'm with Kem, just say NO!

<whoo!> thats a heavy question. I agree with the others. Just Say NO!:eek:

I believe in interracial relationships. But of course there's parameters that
need to be applied:

1.) The individuals SHOULD NOT have inferiority complexes
2.) It should only be pursued if a person of your own race is not available

Some people are attracted to those outside their own race because they
have a hatred for themselves and don't even realize it. I further believe:

Black people should be in relationships with those who are the same skin
complexion as themselves. Ex: Halle Berry with Ginuwine(because they're
both light) and Wesley Snipes with supermodel Alec Wek (because they're
both dark). I think Black people have too much of a problem with marrying
someone a little lighter than them so their children won't be too dark and
vice versa.


Peace and Blessings

Relationships, whether inter-racial or not, should not have "if/and/but" stipulations tied to them.

Janiah if you want to be with someone, be with that person because of the type of person he/she is. Be with that person because of the way he/she treats you. Be with that person because he/she brings you joy. Limiting yourself with certain color restrictions within your own race practically screams "Color-Struck". :eek:

Let me say again that when it comes to interracial dating ~ just say no, but when it comes to black men ~ I :heart: them from blue-black to high-yellow.


:love:

DATE AS U WISH WITHIN YO OWN
IF HE/SHE IS DARK BROWN TONE
COCOBUTTER SKIN LIGHT AS LONG
AS ITS WITHIN YO OWN.......EVERY
THANG BE COOL OUT SIDE THAT !!
NO WAY NO GOOD NO NO!!:nono: :nono: :nono:

Correct me if this is what I am hearing.

Say no to interracial dating...for the survival of the black community???

(My response to this was too long...I confess...if you get bored, just skip over it)

By the majority consensus on this subject, it seems to me that the majority of you, are against interracial marriage, mainly for the survival of the race here in America. I also noted that mostly women commented with "JUST SAY NO", while most of the men remained...silent...hmmm. Only a few spoke up for the love of the sistahs. Nexis loves the sistahs to and I am inclined to agree with his viewpoint. ( He posted too many times consecutively and I went too long...SMILE)

People...this is NOT what is hurting us and keeping our numbers (we have been stagnant at 12% for years now) down in America.
Believe me, this is NOT because of interracial dating and marriages only. It's a combination also, of other things like AIDS, homicide and abortion.

AIDS

I personally believe that AIDS is subtley being introduced into our neighborhoods as well as the obvious ways of unprotected sex and drug use...Remember the Tuskegee Syphilis Project. More frightening is this statistic: blacks now account for about 57 percent of all new infections with the human immunodeficiency virus, or HIV. Among those age 13 to 24, the rate is 67 percent.

Homocide

The leading cause of death in 1990’s for Black males ages 15-24 was homicide. This age group makes up less than 1.6 of the general population of America. Genocide at our own hands.

ABORTION

Sisters, if what some of the brothas are doing, in crossing over to the white race, is hurting our black community, we be guilty of the same and even worse for at least the brothas are not killing their children before they take their first breath. I hate to be blunt (but then again I don't) but there are way too many of us choosing to destroy the life of our children in the womb. The death rate to put it in simple terms...ALARMING. For several years now, over 20% of all abortions committed in America, have been committed by black women, with the rest being divided among, orientals, hispanic and whites.

In 1938, Margaret Sanger (founder of Planned Parenthood) laid out her reasons for pursuing the Negro Project. She claimed in the project proposal, “The mass of Negroes, particularly in the South, still breed carelessly and disastrously, with the result that the increase among Negroes, even more than among whites, is from the portion of the population lease intelligent and fit, and least able to rear children properly.” That year, Sanger obtained a $20,000 grant from Albert Lasker to begin the project.

The Negro Project is an ongoing project that few blacks know about. I just learned of it myself 6 months ago. It's original and ongoing purpose is one of the best kept secrets in America today.

"Margaret Sanger had a broad following among rich whites who favored eugenics. Eugenics was the theory that social progress depends on reducing the birth rate of “inferior” races or ethnic groups. Followers of eugenics thought that people in these groups should be discouraged from having children."

FACT:
Minority preborn children are being aborted at more than twice the rate of white preborns (in 1988, 57.3 per 1000 women for nonwhites, compared to 21.2 per 1000 women for whites). (Abortion Factbook, 1992 Edition, The Alan Guttmacher Institute).

If this concerns you and you want to know more, Visit some of these sites: .The Successful Ongoing Negro Project (http://http://www.cwfa.org/library/life/2001-05_pp_n-project.shtml#sanger)

Is It Genocide??? (http://www.pregnancycenters.org/batonrouge/abortionafican.html)

Eugenics (http://www.all.org/issues/ab17a.htm)

Like God, I believe that people should be given a choice, but not at the risk of another's life. Abortion is a woman's choice, but it is not her right. The taking of life for convience sake will never be right.

“... I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live.”
—Deuteronomy 30:19

In terms of the survival of the African American community, we as a people, should deal with the swords first and deal with the thorn (interracial relationships) from the heart. There is one thing we must understand...black men are our brothas, but they are not our property. Sure some have inferior complexes, some are programmed by the media to think that white is better. Hollywood pushes it (interracial relationships) for the purpose lessening the chance of a major race war. They figure that if a black man is given all the white women he can stand, he will become docile on racial issues and not want to fight, lest he be fighting against his white women and children. Their movies concerning blacks are movies made of mostly of "machine gun harry types with a white woman by his side ". Take note of this, the next time you go to Blockbusters or Network Videos...look at the covers, then go figure.
This appeals to many of our black brothers' ego, making him feel better about himself.

But in all of this, still, interracial marriages are not moral wrong. Some brothas truly felled in love, because of the character of the woman, who just happened to be white. It's only wrong, when the brotha dates or marrys BECAUSE the woman is white. Herein, he loses out because the benefits of a sistah in this instance far outweighs the benefits of any other race of women. My opinion...okay?

Let me boast, tho it be vanity. Black women maintain their good muscle tone (every where, which is why many of their white slave masters preferred them over their wives when it came to sex) and most will not see a wrinkle on their beautiful skin until they are age 50. Where as her white counterpart begins to show signs of aging at the tender age of 25. By the time most white women are forty, her face is not the ONLY thang that has begun to sag. So if a brotha marrys for the skin color and the hair (which starts graying very early, thus over 80% use hair coloring to hide), I say he gets what he deserve...hahaha. Hence, you do not see many elderly black and white couples...He married for cosmetic reasons. When she begins to age at a rate much faster than he, he often gets out of the marriage because he cand deal with the fact that she looked like his much older sister instead of the wife of his youth. Nor can he deal with her intense insecurity when he comes into the presence of a black woman. Many walk as puppies on a leash, keeping their heads looking straight ahead, not seeing or speaking to you his sista. In the case of "broke down" white women, this particular brotha either felt he couldn't do no better or he has a serious complex prob.

For the most part though, the sistahs got it going on as we posses the greater number of the most desireable men on the planet...black men. The majority of chocolate delight, remain in the hands of black women. Though the whole world is his grocery store, when shopping for a good woman, he is still choosing the black woman overall. That says a lot for us, so I don't worry about the ones who marry white...that's their personal business. We should first concern ourselves with what is really eating away at the black community from the inside...AIDS, Homicide & Abortion.

Well that's just my two cents worth. Gosh, look how long I went.
Just ah sistah who loves her people, I guess huh. Forgive my babblings...Thank Ya!

With interacial dating there are many people that are against it, but I see no reason why there should be a problem. For myself, I date who it is that respects me and cares about me...no matter what color.

I used to believe that folk should stay within their own race. My main reason for this was quite selfish, almost feeling a physical pain (heartache) when I saw a black man with a white woman. I somehow took this very personal. As though I had something to do with what every black man did and who he did it with.

I've grown beyond this kind of thinking (for my own sanity's sake) and understand that folk will embrace love where they find it. If that happens to be in the arms of someone of a different color, background, class, religion, (and even same sex), so be it. If God gave them the ability to choose, who am I to take that choice from them?

I have my own life to maintain, make decisions for, figure out and give account of ... no whole buncha time to worry about anyone else's.

Should you - should you not? We (or most of us African-Americans) are the result of inter-racial relationships. Enough said about that. I find that all relationships require a lot of energy to keep them flowing in the right direction. I would have great difficulty in adding race to the mix. Dating other that African-American brothers (another subject) is not for me.

I use to get angry when I saw
a black man with a white woman
and sometimes I still do, but not for reasons of jealousy or disgust for the white race. I too, have personal issues on dating outside my race. I have to be honest and say, for me...its just too much bad history and knowing my African American history, I wouldn't be able to adapt.
I don't think thats racist, I think thats real. My problem with interracial dating, is some, need to really dig deep and find out the reasons.....why? Cause it ain't always about love, There are some white women/men who are married to a black woman/man, but don't like black people and the black woman/man knows this and just goes along with the program.

There are some black men/women,
who hate themselves so much, they won't look twice at the opposite sex of their race. I have a problem with
black women/men who go into these relationships and lose themselves. either before or after they are in them. Their attitudes are completely assimulated to the point where there is no more love of themselves or love or respect for their own people. I have heard (some)black men say that, "thats why I don't date a black woman...they to mouthy, I got to work to hard, or white women are more understanding" or (some) black women say, they all thugs, they don't want nothing, all they wanna do is
sit up in your house and sponge, they all leave their kids, a white man can get me the things I need."

Then these atitudes have children, place themselves in a bubble....like the outside world don't exist. Theres no racism.....no color barriers....everything is honkey dorey (no pun intended). While in the real world, once, they send their children out
in it. Their called.....zebras, n*****s, and all the other desparaging names that people use to describe them.
Then they come home and the parents say....its their problem, you just continue to be you. Now what that does, is it sets that child on a path of confusion, anger, hating themselves
and a series of identity crisis..that they may never recover from.
I believe, this is a matter..you can't choose going into lightly....if the world were different, it wouldn't matter.

Ultimately, the decision to date interracially will have long range
effects on everyone involved. If this is completely understood,
and you are comfortable in your own skin.....and your children(especially the black parent because, it is his black heritage that will be attacked most often) are taught the necessary
tools to combat racism.....and they completely understand their heritage.

Then the children will grow up stable and healthy. I have a brother who is married to a white woman....and I have seen first hand the results of a interracial couple, who took their kids (2sons) moved into a all white community, raised the children there and neither child was exposed to the
their black heritage, only by way of their father's skin and racist remarks.
My brother had totally assimulated himself into that world. Now his 21 year old son, is filled with hate, anger and don't know who he is......and the 15 year old is on his way to the same fate.

Again, the decision is more then just the two people involved, society has a way of putting things into perspective for you, its sad.....but reality...just the same. For some the adjustments may
lead to confusion and shame. If you can get pass those adjustments with true understanding, with out
losing yourself then......

love will conquer all



Epiphany :heart:

Many good responses (and I have read them all). Excellent points made by Epiphany, Asabagna, Kemetstry and Joyce. As a 28-year-old Afrikhan wombman born in this foreign land where my Afrikhan family (including all of you) and I are under constant psychological warfare, I find it difficult to find a suitable mate within the Afrikhan race, not to speak of races outside of it. In my opinion, the average Ebony man is so incessantly indoctrinated by the ways, thoughts and practices of the anglo saxon white supremacist dominant culture, that it becomes too cumbersome a task for me to have to constantly work to pull him from out of his brainwashed state. Time and again, I meet and briefly date otherwise good, decent Ebony men, and then have to let them go because I discover that they possess an inferiority complex that is too deeply rooted for me to have the patience to deal with long-term, struggling to resolve it.

My countless observations have led me to conclude that far fewer Afrikhan women have allowed themselves to remain brainwashed than have Afrikhan men. This explains why there is an obvious trend of black male/white female couples, while there is no such TREND with Ebony wombmen. All that said, I decided not long ago that although I have no interest in ever having a white male head my household, and the ideal situation is for an Ebony man to head my household, my options are open to "some" other men of color. I can't be 40 years old still waiting for a suitable Ebony man to step up to the plate.

As much as I hate to have to admit, I would prefer to date a non-black (though non-white) man who appreciates a strong, proud black woman regardless of whether she is "cocoabutter light" complected or "dark brown" (notice the difference in connotation and phrasing when a black man refers to different shades of Ebony women), than to date a black man who is color-struck or who has been with white women. The natural Afrikhan way is to look at the opposite sex and see a spirit, not physical characteristics, with the exception of seeing a general reflection of the self and gravitating toward it. It is clearly a sign of self-hatred when an Afrikhan is more excited about the idea of going to the deepest level of intimacy with someone who has historically symbolized and epitomized his/her death and destruction than he/she is about the idea of going to the deepest level of intimacy with someone who was created most closely in his/her own image. An even deeper indication of self-hatred is when an Afrikhan is more excited about reproducing offspring that do not look like him/her than wishing to reproduce offspring that closely resemble him/her.

That's about genotype. Now, let's talk culture. The european culture is an altogether different and opposite culture from the Alkebu-lan culture, and I have no intention of sacrificing my own culture to meld with theirs. Sexually, there are alien acts that anglo saxon women tend towards, that may have been introduced to Ebony men who have been sexually involved with anglo saxon women. When I hear Ebony men proclaim that they "love" women in general, that tells me that they have no boundaries, regardless of the situation of the world they live in. It tells me that they are ignorant of or in denial of the crucial differences among the cultures, some of which may be antithetical to the Holistic well-being of the Afrikhan. I have seen black men who are constantly trumpeting the "Black Power" message turn around and be with a white woman. Black people are not empowered by being naive enough to pair with those who are only ostensibly their ally, and insidiously their enemy. I also feel it is not in the best interest of an Afrikhan to pair with anyone from a non-Afrikhan culture who has an anglo-saxon supremacist complex. It is my strong conviction that the vast majority of caucasians are racist/white supremacist, and that the vast majority of those (especially caucasians) who date/marry interacially do so for unsound reasons. In my opinion some of the caucasians who date Afrikhans are even more racist in their thinking than are most caucasians who date their own people. Beware of the caucazoid female who dates only Ebony men. That is the caucazoid who perceives Ebony men through the lens of her most racist ancestors, who lusted sexually after Afrikhans because it seemed taboo (because Afrikhans were thought of in the same way as animals--horses, dogs, etc.).

In closing, I will say that one cannot "LOVE" anyone else if he/she has not learned to love him/herself. Those who love themselves naturally seek to reproduce themselves, not to dilute the blood of their progeny. As for the comment about all of us being products of interracial relations, that sounds like an attempt to convince oneself (and others) that we are not really Afrikhan. You/We are what your/our dominant genes say you/we are. You/We are Afrikhan and nothing less.

WELL SAID NIA..... I LKE HOW U BROKE I DOWN
FROM WITHIN SELF........I SEE NOW MORE WOMEN
DOING IT AS MEN ......

Asante sana, Dada $RICH$.
(Thank you very much, Brother $RICH$).

Kemetstry-

I trust that you did not arrive at that slanderous conclusion maliciously. Feel free to explain yourself.

:nono:
Kemetstry-

You have failed to qualify your slander of me.

You took my comment entirely out of context. I never stated that I would prefer to date non-black men. NEVER. In no uncertain terms, I stated that my #1 preference is an Ebony man. I did, however, add that not just ANY Ebony man, simply because he is Ebony, but a non-color-struck Ebony man who can appreciate (me for who I am). Let's get it together, now. :nono:

You wrote:....." Your assumption is that a non color struck black male is so rare that he may be difficult to find."

That is not an assumption, but fact. Based on my own personal experience. And YOUR assumption is that a "color struck" black male can only be "struck" on light complected women.

You wrote: "I for one like dark meat and know many that feel the same."

Then you and they as well are "color struck" (trusting that you are implying that you prefer a dark complected woman over a light complected woman). For myself, I have no preference when it comes to Ebony men, in terms of appearance. Light, dark, medium, what ever. The person's "shade" (or even their outward appearance in general) has nothing to do with his or her fundamental Self. I don't find one shade or the other more appealing. Do you? RACE, on the other hand, is far more complex a characteristic than can be dismissed as a mere outward trait. RACE has a great deal to do with the type of individual you are dealing with. RACE is political, social, cultural, etc. And especially political. We need not have those types of divisions WITHIN our own culture. We didn't create them, we need not welcome them. Let the white folk keep them amongst themselves.

You wrote: "The trend as you so slanderously put it, is away from BWAs."

I'm not familiar with that particular acronymn.

You wrote: "Which unfortunately has become 'tre chic' amongst many females in our community."

I can neither agree nor disagree until I know to what type of female or relationship you are referring.

You wrote: "Please go to the census data and you will find that black men's daliances away from our community is a recent phenomenon."

I never said it wasn't.

You wrote: "All through the 1900s sisters have far out paced us."

In terms of dating outside of the race?

You wrote: "But even with that on either side, it is rare for us to go outside our race."

False. If it were rare, I would not see it every single day, be it in the workplace, supermarket, classroom, department store, on the street, on television, you name it. Something that is rare is "rarely" seen. Perhaps you mean that it is less common than is dating within the race. That may or may not be true. If it is 40/60, or even 30/70, or even 20/80 (with 1/5 of us jumping the fence), that's disturbing. And not rare.

You wrote: "People tend towards the familiar. Their environment fits that bill."

And nowadays, white folk in particular are about as familiar to black folk as are other black folk. Most of us (or you) have conformed so much to "American" (european) culture, that we have lost our uniquely BLACK identity for the most part. Additionaly, most of us have to deal with white folk daily in some capacity. Even if we live in predominately black neighborhoods, or attend black churches, etc., that does not mean that our own people are more familiar to us. Most of us work the avg. 8-10 hour day, engulfed by "others".

:wave: :wave: :wave:

Welcome ~ Welcome ~ Welcome

So glad to have you here participating in the discussions with us. I saw Kemetstry's first response to you and was going to whisper to you then that <he has issues>, but it seems you can handle him okay. :)

So I'll just say hello and let you know you're free to make yourself at home here.

from the majority of comments on this thread, it seems as if we are mostly referring to black/white relationships....why?

there are people of every colour in this world...black and white are only two of them...

personally, I like to think I am free enough to look past the colour of a persons skin and see what is in their heart...not what shade their skin is...

just a thought....

K

I would like to clarify my words above....

I did not in any way mean to imply that anyone who has posted before me has made a statement that is racist toward any other..
and I fully understand everyones comments...about two races coming together...

my thought was simply made from an observation that most people (including me) automatically combine a black male/female with a white male/female when thinking about inter-racial dating or marraiges...

I guess it's the same thinking that associates an asian woman with a white man, as a mail-order bride....as I have heard many people say...

we live in a world where a coloured skin automatically means you are a lesser human being in some peoples eyes...my eyes are colour blind..

so I'm hoping my words above did not offend anyone who has posted before me...

K

.

Much thanks to you, Destee, for the very warm welcome. It is a pleasure being a part of this forum, and sharing thoughts on important issues. Previous post (???) was in response to he (Kemetstry).

Kitana~

Ironically, the fact that darkness of skin colour has been made to be a mark of inferiority tends to be the reason that many Ebony people (particularly men) focus their energies on uniting with caucasian mates. It is overcompensation for a mental and spiritual poverty that results from having an inferiority complex. The ultimate way to overcompensate is to gravitate to caucasians, not other people of COLOUR. The "black/white" focus is prevalent because they are polar opposites, and because "black/white" is by far the most common type of interracial match. For many understandable reasons, I suspect that most people don't have a problem with interracial dating among people of color, which is why that type of I/R is rarely examined. It's not nearly as big a deal.

Kemetstry-

Not ignoring your suggestion, but may I ask whether you know of more Ebony females or more Ebony males who are in or have been in I/Rs? Just curious. Moreover...

I would like to preface my next comment by stating that I am in NO WAY attempting to "justify" interracial relationships as held by Ebony females, but we must respect the fact that there is a disproportionate number of females on the planet vs. males, and specifically, a disproportionate number of Ebony females (far larger number) vs. Ebony males. That being the case, there are not enough Ebony men to go around for all the Ebony women who outnumber them. I like to think that the vast majority of us prefer a monogamous union. In short, if there are more of "us" in I/Rs, then the gender disproportion would explain that situation. Theoretically speaking, that is. I personally know full well that there are plenty of decent Ebony men out there who are single and available. So I am not saying that there is such a scarce number of "good black men" that we are forced to miscegenate. Also, there are more upwardly mobile Ebony women than Ebony men. That's not my opinion, but fact. I suspect that it is mostly the high socioeconomic status Ebony women who are in the I/Rs. I can only think of 5 Ebony women whom I know personally, that are with non-black men, and all five men are caucasian. One of the women is a news anchor, one a retired social worker, one I'm not sure of her occupation although she is my cousin, one (unmarried) directs a Reproductive Freedom organization, and the other peddles Mary Kay cosmetics (at the pink car level) and works also with securing employment for physically challenged persons. In that example, the class status varies, but I can think of countless Ebony males who are with non-Ebony women. The first one that comes to mind is my father, who is married to a white woman who is his third wife. Just looking through my family, there are all kinds of white faces (non-male) that got in via marriage or just shacking or just non-marital involvement. :bomb:

As an African American woman living in a community where there aren't many African American Men, I am all for Interracial Dating.

You know what I find very interesting? We oftentimes hear men and women alike (of the Ebony race) offering explanations for why they choose non-Ebony mates. A typical explanation (coming particularly from the female side) is that there are no opposite sex potential mates of the same race in close enough proximity to enable oneself to date within the race. Well, what I find very interesting and ironic is something that comes to mind that an Ebony man recently confided to me. He stated that in his line of work and study (some branch of Physics; possibly Quantum), he is surrounded by nothing but white folk, and that he is well aware that once he gets into his career a bit more fully, he will have even less proximity to Ebony women. For this reason, he had been taking an active role in social justice work, in an attempt to deliberately place himself in the company of his own people. I was practically speechless upon hearing and learning of such a dignified and extraordinarily loyal position. I'm sorry, but if one Ebony man can go the extra mile, anyone can. Unless, of course, you simply are attracted to or prefer other races.

I personally live in an ethnically diverse neighborhood and city, but that has nothing to do with my dating pool. I don't see myself finding a mate within my neighborhood, and not necessarily within my city. It seems rather apparent to me that we all place ourselves in situations and circles that expose us to a certain pool of people whom we consider to be ideal prospects for a mate.

Staying in UR own race takes a lot of extra stress of UR heart,the parents or family may not like to see U coming,, and that in itslef is uneeded stress. black people race mix too much just like the american Indians did, all U C R many afro - americans mixed w/indian blood and where did it get thier race? Almost extinct it is less of them than any other race on the earth, so if their is a crisis in thier community they have no real power behind them just a select few of pure indians which has not help their communtiy as a whole. I am not against IR dating but I wouldn't do it. My chocolate a-day keeps the doc. away, too much drama for me to date outside+I just love the brothas. How they feel about black women is a totally differnet topic, I get jocked all the time by white guys in my class and latinos guys all the time, but brothas seem to have thier thoughts of beauty in other races, and I'm not saying all but many of them do, and they holla and say it's the sistas fault, If U R going 2 IR date don't blame it on anyone or treat the sistas like s**t, just go on and black women should not down our delicious chocolate just because U have a white man. That is trifling to me. Just be real and know that we R all human who R bound 4 mistakes, let's not blame one another, if U hate on UR own race, how can U have Luv 4 another?

Abisha,

We are right --->here<---. You and I both know full well, based on years of experience and observation, that apparently, the AVERAGE Ebony man prefers non-Ebony women, right? Nevertheless, Kemetstry has been trying to convince me that census data contradicts our observations, instead concluding that it is Ebony women who go outside of the race in large numbers (much more so than do Ebony men). It's really a rather insignificant debate, but when my eyes are seeing one thing day by day (a trend in black male to white female pairings), and census data reports another (trend in black female to non-black male pairings), then it makes you wonder. If there are all these Sistahs out there jumping the fence, it seems to me they must be doing so "in the dark", because I simply do not see it on the streets. When it is the other way around however, I see it all the way from elementary school students, to teenagers to young adults to full adults (black male/white female), DAILY.

BTW Kemetstry, before making any hasty conclusions, let's do the math. The U.S. population is what, 13% Ebony? So 13% of perhaps 280 million is 36.5 million? Correct any of these numbers if I have it incorrect. And of the 36.5 million, probably 2/3 are female? So maybe 24 million are female and 12.5 million are male? Alright. Hypothetically, 20 million are women and 10 million are men; hypothetically. If the census data says that 7 or 8 million Ebony women have non-Ebony mates and 5 million Ebony men have non-Ebony mates, then that still means that more Ebony men are misdirected than are Ebony women (it would mean that 1/2 of them walked out, whereas quite a bit less than 1/2 of us have turned away). I would like to see the data in order to check the facts more carefully.

I think that true love is colorblind. . .so if it's love and not novelty, I'm for it. As for Wesley Snipes and those like him (I went there), a persons color or ethnic backround doesn't determine their personality, and a woman of another race can have just as many if not more opinions than a black woman. Now for those brotha's and sista's who for some silly reason think of interracial dating as a means to "better" establish themselves in "society", I can't help but think, "Where did your parent's go wrong?"

@Nia
I do agree with U about the brothas 2 1 point because, many of them seem 2 date outside and marry ut side freely. The thing I have problems with is when a blackman downs the sista and up build the white woman when they R 2 gether. Like hate on sistas, that kind of brotha is a sell out. Also a sista who lowrate alll brothas just because she has a white man, that is ludacris. Self balck luv starts from the black man and woman raising thier family 2gether and gaining our race back. Many black women R bieng left behind in this IR dating. Some men leave the kids behind as well. Some start new families w/thier new found love, they leave thier family and call the IR rel. love. I say don't leave a black family behind and call it luv, casue it aint. However many brothas R out there doing thier thang, and staying w/thier family. It takes a strong brotha in this society 2 do that, B cause these women R putting themselves off on our men and I think it has a lot 2 do with, many of our men R tired of us trying 2 look white, skin bleachings and fake hair, look at who we have become, almost like the bride of frankenstein,fake hiar nails , in some cases a crappy attitude. Just the other day I saw a beautful young black couple they had their baby and, before I could get back 2 the gas pump the woman had a real loud boaustrous mouth yelling at her man like he was her child, "look at U , U got the wrong kind of gas,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She did not stop but kept on ranting and raving until the car pulled off. We don't have the family structure that we use to have and many of the older females are not there 2 teach the young how 2 treat a man. The forieng women have this attribute over us and they R taking our men. This all starts from growing in a family enviornment. We nee 2 stick together 2 show our children how 2 love .:(

While I have sat back and read the full content of this post i have one question here. What statistics are any of you pulling from that leads you to the assumption that black men prefer to date outside of their race. Growing up in a extremetly diverse culture and living in many different areas of this country i don't find your opinions justified. But i shall reiiterrate that they are your opinions and i would hope they do not turn to assumptions.

Oooops, that point has passed already.

Bottom line, the society we werew born in, raised in and live in is enthnically diverse. Whether one finds if right of wrong it is a personal choice. As for me i don't date outside of my race. Why, simply because i prefer black, Ebony or whatever title you want to give them. Plus what i see is that when a black man dates outside of hiw race he is ostricized and criticized by black women who basically didn't want him in the first place. Some feel that this man dating out of his race is "scraping the bottom of the bowl" (not my opinion but a stated comment by a nubian woman who read this topic). When a black woman dates outside her reace, she is accepted and sometimes considered victorious.

There is a sad double standard here that seeps strongly out of some of the responses here...

I will say that was my opinion, and no I have never dated outside of my race and don't have the need 2, there are plenty of brothas who are attracted 2 me so thank God I don't have a problems with that one. I don't see anything wrong with IR dating but if we race mix 2 much our black race will fade away like the american indians, who race mixed with everyone black or white, now the government doesn't mind giving land to a select few. Like the issue in London when hair braiding was banned by law because if was deemed unsanitary by the profession of cosemetology only because they don't know how to do it. If we don't have enough people fight with us, and that means the people that have similar interest, we will loose.

don't and never wanted to date anything but EBONY
but don't hate on others who do, only Hope it's LOVE
and not self hate. But can't help but wonder why so
MUCH HATE IS DIRECTED AT THE BROTHERS IN HERE

I have not said 1 negative about the brothas so there are 2 sides 2 every story and I feel that some people may have negative experiences that they can't get over, but that happens 2 both men and women. I don't think anyone is berating the brothas in here. Brothas R :) cool with me:D

In response to Kemetstry's 12/7 comment at 7:07am,

I detected that you may have been trying to front on me, Brother. Frankly, and with all due respect, I could really care less if you made "typical female" comments or any other type of comment. Freedom of speech is something I respect and enjoy the free exercise of, myself. You don't know me; you can't offend me. And I don't recall having "misquote"d you.

You made some on point comments, and I agree with all you stated. Those ebony men AND women who berate their Ebony counterparts while having feelings of adequacy that are based on the fact that they have a non-Ebony mate have some serious issues with self. They are NOT "color blind"; no one is in a color-struck society. They are more aware of "color" than any of us, and choose their mates based on how much lighter is their skin.

You wrote: "Self balck luv starts from the black man and woman raising thier family 2gether and gaining our race back."

To that, I say, "Ashe".

You wrote: "Many black women R bieng left behind in this IR dating."

Which I don't see as a problem, for they are better off alone than with an ebony man who is shallow, brainwashed, whitewashed and has issues with being Ebony.

You wrote: "Some men leave the kids behind as well. Some start new families w/thier new found love, they leave thier family and call the IR rel. love. I say don't leave a black family behind and call it luv, casue it aint."

So true. Any male who can abandon his own offspring, to go after some other woman, regardless of her race, is not in love, but the opposite, he is in "hate"....with himself. No way you can look at your own reproduction of your own image and walk off toward something else and call it love. It is self hatred, period. To leave your Ebony image for a caucazoid image is an entirely different level of self hatred. It is a more severe, more debilitating, more relentless self-hatred, for it is less detectable, and more complex.

You wrote: ".....the woman had a real loud boisterous mouth, yelling at her man like he was her child, "look at U , U got the wrong kind of gas,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She did not stop but kept on ranting and raving until the car pulled off. We don't have the family structure that we use to have and many of the older females are not there 2 teach the young how 2 treat a man. The forieng women have this attribute over us and they R taking our men. This all starts from growing in a family enviornment. We nee 2 stick together 2 show our children how 2 love ."

I couldn't agree more. Our young women are taught nowadays that the "bitchy" attitude is the way of the black woman, among other stereotypical traits, and the young women buy into this, particularly when they never had a healthy set of parents to model themselves after, and the viscious cycle rotates continuously. But the bottom line is that not all Ebony women are that way, not all of them are clueless about how to treat their mate, care for their children and home, behave in public and interact with the larger society. I believe that the segment of Ebony women that fits the "nasty attitude" construct is smaller than we try and make it seem. Now do not get me wrong, we Ebony women have been trampled over and disrespected for so long and by so many--our newest assailants being our Brothers--that we really cannot help but develop a thick skin that may be accompanied by a "take no *&%#" attitude. So although much of the bad attitudes are unwarranted, a lot of our Sisters are rightfully scorned. That is CERTAINLY not to suggest that it is ever justifiable, wise or dignified to emasculate a man/mate who treats you well, just because you are a bully or hothead.

Dnommo inquired:

"What statistics are any of you pulling from that leads you to the assumption that black men prefer to date outside of their race?"

These statistics: a day does not go by when I do NOT see a MINIMUM of one couple that is black male/white female. When I only see one, I haven't traveled much that day. Conversely, PLENTY of days go by when I see absolutely NONE of my Sisters latched onto some non-Nubian descendant of the cavemen. That's all the evidence I need. But to compound that evidence, I rarely have ever even heard an Ebony woman speak ill of Ebony men and in the same breath speak highly of non-Ebony men. On the other hand, there have been countless occasions when I have witnessed ebony males speak ill of Ebony women, and praise non-Ebony women, or speak ill of Ebony women who have distinctly Afrikhan physical features, while flattering the physical features of Ebony women who more closely resemble the treacherous mutant race of females. I hope that answered your question.

Dnommo suggested: "Growing up in a extremetly diverse culture and living in many different areas of this country i don't find your opinions justified."

Although I have not lived out West, throughout my 28 years, I have lived all over the East, in the Midwest and Southern U.S., and I see the same sickening sights wherever I go. True story...just today, I was preparing myself to greet what I thought to be one of my Soul Brothers, at a Travel Plaza. The brother had a head full of fully developed locks that had obvoiously been growing for a number of years, and I just knew he had to be conscious and pro-Alkebulan. I couldn't wait for the cashier to get done talking to me, so I could make this brother's acquaintance. No sooner than I had almost done a right face, what of all things comes bounding into the joint to drape itself around him, but some ghastly looking, blue-eyed she-devil? I was appalled. I was confused. Although I had seen the same situation before, I couldn't shake the bafflement. I'm trying to figure out what is with these black males who pass themselves off as some Rootsman of some sort, and their lifestyle is in total contradiction.
I just don't understand.

Dnommo wrote: "But i shall reiiterrate that they are your opinions and i would hope they do not turn to assumptions."

Neither opinion nor assumption, but OBSERVATION.

Dnommo wrote: "Bottom line, the society we werew born in, raised in and live in is enthnically diverse."

Bottom line, the society we were born in, reared in and live in is racially hostile and racially intolerant. Different people of color react to the hostility and intolerance in different ways. Many black men react by being with non-Ebony women, and particularly with caucazoid women. That way, they believe that they have won the war against their white male oppressor. WRONG. They have LOST, because his main aim is not to keep the black male away from the caucazoid female, but to keep the black male away from the Ebony Wombman.

Dnommo wrote: "Plus what i see is that when a black man dates outside of hiw race he is ostricized and criticized by black women who basically didn't want him in the first place."

Please don't turn this into a lengthy debate. Those black males who flock to white females because they have been rejected by Ebony females turn to caucazoids because they could not get a light, bright, ****-near-white Ebony female to date them. Therefore, they REACT by choosing white. I've got cousins who fit the bill. I've got associates who fit the bill. I have acquaintances who fit the bill.

Dnommo wrote: "When a black woman dates outside her reace, she is accepted and sometimes considered victorious."

I believe that she is generally accepted because there is no evidence that she chose the male because of his whiteness. The white male is not a hot commodity among us, Brother. They want us, but WE DON'T WANT THEM. You can throw out all the statistics you want, but I have a whole lotta Ebony women in my circle, and not a single one is chasing an anglo-saxon fantasy. I know a LOT of people, and move about in a LOT of circles. The white male is not, to Ebony women, what the white female is to Ebony men. Period. No two ways about it.

To the Brother who said there is "hate" for the Brothers in this forum:

I would not :argue: with my :heart:Brothers:heart: if I did not

:luv:
:love:
:luv:

them.....

would I? You didn't hear how loudly my :heart: was thumping when I read some of the pro-Nubian:love: comments the Brothers in here made?

For the record:

Brothers in this forum, Nia Maishani LOVES:luv:LOVES you with a PASSION. ALL of you! No two ways about it.

But as a Nubian woman, I still have to speak my mind...

I live in CA and there is nothing here but non~black counterparts. The Black communities are gone, and that is all U C here are IR daters, it's strange 2 C AA couples together. The men seem to not even feel comfortable looking at another black woman here. Some of the black women have gotten so lonely that thier co-worker who may be non-black in some cases show more luv than a brotha has in a long time. You get tired of being lonely. Sometimes non-ebony seem to appreciate the ebony skin more. The University I go to, everyone in my class is married and are with the father of thier children and they are all caucasian. I'm suppose to be more mature than that , but I can't tell you how jealous I feel of the respect they have for one another, they have had many problems through out thier marriages but somehow they respect their families enough not to leave. IR daters have harder times than AA, but the men seem to have strayed more so than the women . I have never dated IR and never intend to, I will stay true 2 my peeps but I don't want to live alone 4 ever . It is very sad 2 C AA women breaking down now~days. Here in CA. a AA woman was arrested 4 beating her son 2 death. The younger generation of women may not be as strong as the older, she was unemployed and boy do I know how it feels here to be unemployed. I actively searched for a job 4 2 years here in Cali. and they do not hire blacks very often, they usually hire whites or mexicans. I have 3 children and go to school so I need a part-job and have not gotten one, just for a test, I cut style a wig to look like my own hair, and immediately I got hired,hhhmmm I wonder why? Cali. is now Mexico and mexican supervisors are growing in numbers and many will never hire black, this is a new growing problem here in Cali as well as IR dating. Our people are getting hit from all sides. Whoa!! "We still must believe God" .

:D Endee, Abish ala?? hahaha

That is the point many black women are tired of being alone, personally I could not date non~black but many women feel they have nothing to hold on too. Maybe the men feel the same way , I don't know.

Abisha,
That is what i was saying. As i have visited California (and was involved with a black woman from there) i find that there is a major difference from one coast to another. The West coast seems to have a smaller nucleus of AA whereas here on the east the ratio is opposite. A friend of mine recieved culture shock when they came here and saw the large amount of blacks. I didn't understand it until i visited Los Angeles and discovered that what i mostly saw was hispanic and white. I understand your point but i am simply saying that there should not be a double standard in here. I lived in Omlahoma for years and the culture shock for me was harsh. The truth is that i was sought after by white woman more than the black woman. But i never strayed. I choose black women simply because of the area i grew up in. If i lived in the midwest of the west and the environment was different then i might consider dating outside my race but i don't live there. I have seen the different which is why i cannot say it is wrong to date outside the race if it comes down to survival. You do what you must do but don't let the thoughts of the minority cloud your judgement.

Overall, i understand your situation.

I am so into ... "grown folk do what they wanna do" ... till it is my pat response for most choices I hear folk have made. They are entitled to their choices, as I am entitled to mine.

If we accept this premise, there will be little room for anything that resembles bashing.

Thank You Abisha for joining us and signing my guest book! :)

@Abisha-
Know what Sis, I would be no good in your area. Would have to relocate. I totally feel where you are coming from with the wig situation. A couple of years ago when I was between jobs, I actually had to break down and purchase a wig (can you believe it?) in order to conceal my natural hairstyle that the europeans are not ready for. As a matter of fact, I think the idea was presented to me by another Sister who has locks. It's a shame we have to go to these measures for white folk, but until I can get in gear and establish my own establishment, well...

But I have chosen a line of work (temporary until I complete Law school) where I don't have to pretend to be eurocentric or a conformist. I coordinate a youth outreach program, a job I landed after going on the interview with locks in full bloom (I did actually have a scarf headband on, but still). I do have a funny story though about going on one interview with the wig on--I saw my mother later the same day, and she pointed out that not only could you see the netting on the back of the wig, but a lock and attached cowrie shell was peeking out through the netting in back. How embarrassing; I thought I had been meticulous. Anyway, back to the discussion.

It was an interesting issue you brought up about our Sisters breaking down and losing it in various ways. The way some of them take their dejection, humiliation and dissatisfaction with life out on their children is extremely disturbing and an urgent issue that needs to be resolved. And another prevalent phenomenon among Ebony women, resulting from the ways we are portrayed and treated, is the situation of Ebony women settling down with (Ebony) men who are no good for them. It is an indisputable fact that most black women will hook up with a lazy, loafing, good-for-nothing black male before they will choose white. I think that part of it is that we don't want to crossover if there are still black men left, and the other part is that, generally speaking, Ebony women do not recognize their worth. Or either they underestimate their worth. I am asked often by men and women alike how come I am still unmarried. Simple. I know my own worth, and I know who I am. Brothers who have propositioned me have all been either unworthy or didn't know who they are, or both. I'm not trying to get married just for the sake of being married, like many women I know. But I know for a fact that there are PLENTY of worthy Brothers out there, who know who they are. I just have to find one who is unmarried, down-to-Earth, independent, and not too far outside of my generation. One who hasn't been with a white woman. (it's not too much to ask)

"Then the haterade the brothers are feeling must be some subconcious projection by some of you Nia. Because if you had bothered to look up the facts as I had asked, you would not still be spouting the inaccuracies."

Kemetstry-
Why are we arguing over apples and oranges? I have witnessed with my own eyes one reality, and you are offering me an entirely different reality that is based on "statistics"? Statistics can be manipulated to say anything you want them to imply. Census data is faulty, because a large percentage of the population did not even participate when the gov't was collecting the data. Furthermore, exactly how does "spouting inaccuracies" and not bothering to look up the statistics equate with being hateful? :rolleyes:. If our accusations do not apply to you, why get offended?

"Your emperical observations are not equivalent to the facts. You seem to be too willing to find more comfort in myths. I see a lot more black women going with white men, hispanics, etc."

Kemetstry, if it will make you happy, I will look at the data. I am unaware of where to locate it, so please do the honor of directing me to the proper resource. By the way, are you telling me that you see more Sisters in DETROIT dating outside of the race, than Brothers?

"And by the way, me telling you it is foolish to wear sandles and a sun dress in a snow storm, is NOT fronting you off."

LMAO! Was that supposed to be an analogy? I missed the parallel.

"Going outside our race is STILL rare. But until the last 10 years you guys were out doing us 100-1."

Now Kemetstry, 100:1? So Exaggeration is necessary?

"And I started off making pro nubian comments "...Just say no!..."

:heart:*thump*

"I choose black women simply because of the area i grew up in. If i lived in the midwest of the west and the environment was different then i might consider dating outside my race but i don't live there."

Actually, for most of my childhood and adolescence, I grew up in predominately white neighborhoods. I even went to a couple of schools where I was the ONLY student of color in the entire school. It was very common when I was in integrated schools, for me to be the only Ebony student in my classroom, or one of two Ebony students in my class. The situation never led me to develop a proclivity to seek white male companions, although at many points, my best girlfriend (and all my friends) was white. Even when I was in middle school, living in a basically all white neighborhood but getting "bussed" to an integrated school, my eye was always on some Brother. Never on the white boys. And the black boys (and girls), for the most part, rejected me, with the exception of a very select few. In most of their opinions, I talked white, walked white, dressed white, was built white, and behaved whitely. That did not stop me from seeking their approval and companionship. I have ALWAYS known where I belonged. By the time I got to the dating age though, (high school), I had relocated to a predominately Nubian city. So I suppose if I had been stuck in an all-white city where I had no affinity whatsoever with the Ebony community, maybe I would have wound up settling. But probably not. Lastly, if I can witness groups of Jungle Fever-having caucazoid females making the trek outside of their suburbs to place themselves in the company of Brothers every time there is an Ebony event taking place here (annual Reggae festival, Bob Marley birthday celebration, etc.), then I know that anyone who truly wants to be with their own can make some sacrifices as well. Or maybe I'm just misinformed.

...and I reiterate Destee's comments.

My apologies for congesting the thread.

wOW THANKS FOR SHARING THAT SIS.

It is against our rights as a person for us to to be made to wear our hair straight, if it naturally isn't and I have found that natural hair is so bold, flamboyant naturally until the beauty is unconcievable to ones who does not have this attribute. You should have seen this lady from Ethiopia; super skinny looked just like she was a super model her natural was so out there if Snoop Dogg would have seen her she would have been in his next video,. I have only seen the natruals in the 60's movies and to see how beautiful our hair looks natrurally long is almost majestic. I wear my hair in about 10 cornrows, because like many of our AA men; I want my hair to grow with out the fuss of chemicals. Now I have managed my hair with a perm and with the corn rows, my hair has grown so fast now it's growing like it did when I was a kid. We have been taught and trained that we are not beautiful with the natural curls we posses, but only if we let that hiar grow, it turns fluffy after awhile. I talked about this subject before,and feel that this is not like a psychdelic hair style where you have to put special things in it to look like it does, if we are required to fight fight for our (so-called ) country than we should have rights like others and wear our hair free, like they do. They wear thier hair natural from the roots and wash and wear, we should have the same rights and should not have to restrict our hair in false braiding. Wearing a natural is not a special tasks like some are lead to believe. If you waear a spiked hair do , that is a special tasks for your hair, but our hair comes out naturally beautiful from the scalp, no one else is restricted from wearing their hiar natural from the scalp and we should not have those restrictions. I could see if we had to do special things to our hair to get it in a natural, then I would call that rebellion, but how can it be rebellion when it comes natural. Corporate needs to change, since many of us are fighting for our country and come home to the same old stereotypes. Shame! Shame! Shame!

I love it here and than k God 4 U, it really takes a strong person to do what you have done, and I have nothing but admiration for Blacks that make it in a society such as this one, because although there are many obsticles we still shine . This is a place, a safety net for many and the atmoshere here is so diffrent from other sites, it's an amazing peace and calm, even if there is disagreements, there is much respect. God Bless U and Merry Christmas!!:toast:

Kemetstry ... the topic is interracial dating and my response was regarding it. I was simply suggesting that those who do date outside of their race ... do so because they wanna.

Is that better? :)

Now if you want to apply my thought to all things ... "grown folk do what they wanna" ... that can be easily done as well, because most grown folk do what they wanna do, regardless of and perhaps even, in anticipation of, the consequences (i.e, prison time).

I said nothing about right or wrong.

Awwwwww Abisha :love:

Thank You !!!

You leave me speechless, you're very kind, thank you :heart:

Abisha ... be sure to get ready for the Birthday Party :party:
And if you have any suggestions for games, please share them in
the Birthday Forum with us ... and vote on when the games should begin! :)

I'll be there for sure:toast:

Kemetstry ... you are just too deep for me ...

but for me...I want to live with...live for...love with...share with...educate with...grow old with...procreate with a blak/ebony/afrikan man!!!!!


Now, I can't say that it doesn't pinch nerves when I see I/R couples...maybe it's love (doubt it) maybe there are issues of self hatred and insecurities...also we have to look at the media.

I believe it was Nia who made a comment on "conscious" brothas that may or may not be locking that have white counterparts.
I also find this disturbing...they know the history and still choose to have "relations" with them??

There are Afrikan men here in Buffalo who are from Senegal that I work with. They teach the dance and drum, we travel, perform educate and they are also with white women. Every Saturday this instructor gives us history after dance class. With his white counterpart also participating, he openly shares that WE are the dominant race, all peoples originate in Afrika and even went as far as to say that we are superior and they have NO Culture. He also referred to Cheik Ante Diop and the proof you could find in his book. Learn your history...learn your culture...save your culture...but is he??? Yes and NO...

Okay... so why did he leave a sistah...a beautiful Afrikan sistah (one in Amerika and one in Senegal) to come to BUFFALO and be with this clingy, bologna smelling, blak man lovin white woman???

Yes...did I hear someone say

HYPOCRYTE

BTW...I dated a puerto rican: he was possessive/domineering/a weed head and an alcoholic

When I was a teenager I had a friend who was white...thought he was black...we were cool...he tried to kiss me...tried to buy me with gifts/clothes/flowers etc...and...we also had sex (something I regret to this day)...

We live and we learn...I've always been involved in afrikan dance but it wasn't until college that I was exposed to "consciousness".

Some of us DO learn from our mistakes!!

Lovin our blak kings!!!!!!

:heart: :love: :kiss:

Although true people can be with who they want to be with, but I find it ironic that whites asians and latinos frequently choose thier own race and we don't, when it comes to us , it's like if we don't agree with IR dating we are hateful and raciscits, when there is a whole host of non blacks who choose the same road and are not criticized. We blacks seem to be reprimined for choosing to be with our own;like why do you want to live close mined? Others who love thier own nothing is said. Don't get me wrong you do have those non blacks who date outside of thier own but it is very rare for them to settle down and make a family with them. Look at Jennifer Lopez. It seems as if the black men are very free with themselves, if you look in the dating ads the black men will have any race (no discretion of what he wants)anything, the non black men will specify and say latina, white asian. They usually specify the women who have light skin. There are women from India, Aboriginal, and etc. with dark skin you never hear any man asking to be with them, they are beauties too, but I wonder why, maybe they are not popular enough, like us black women. Now I am not saying all black men are this way, because they are not. I think Black men should date balck women. Non blacks can find love in the black race but most of them choose to find a love in thier own race. Why do we have to be so different?

simply coz we choose to venture off like strays just gotta test da water but this don't bother me at all i am me and what i like
and they r whom they be for what each like i have no shame
in my sistahs nor a brutha if they wish to date outside so be it
it maybe still going on as men being lynch for dating this way
but it's a free world .........don't mine me none just thinking
outloud..

Other races don't have the problems we have like self hatred, in many cases we treat other races with more respect than how we have treated our own, and in dating the same thing applies. Meaning it's nothing wrong with dating outside, nothing at all, but others choose thier own in droves. In Cali., that is all I see loving Married Mexican families with thier husband ,wife children. They look so good , when it comes to us the man is by himself with a child or the woman is by herself with 3. It is something deadly wrong for us to stray away from one another in droves. Here you don't see black family togetherness at all. Is this the wave of the future for us? No us

Poetess... what the "Hell" are you on about!? You sound like a "Bitter Black Woman"... if you lost a man or many men to "White Woman/Women"... I think you need to check your attitude.... It appears that you have an unconscious disrespect for Black Men.... you seem more intent on fostering conflict instead of understanding and cohesiveness between Black Men and Women. I don't date or want to date a white woman, but I also don't want a "Bitter Black Woman" who is confrontational and has a healthy disrespect for me specifically or other Balck Men, generally. Check your history, check what is going on between Black Men and women around the word, and also in your community. You will see that most Black Men are in relationships with Black Women. True, they may not be ideal, and Black Men I will admit have a lot to do with this, and we have a lot to answer for in how we treat our Black Queens. Even though your above comments/rants (I don't consider it poetry, NOT even BAD peotry) have some truth in it, it is NOT the truth about the dynamics of the relationships between us. Be wise.

Mr. Asabagna, and other's who have comments about the posted poetry. First of all I am not a bitter women nor have I personally lost a black man to a white woman. There is no white women clever enough to take my black man, however the poetry posted was designed for a customer I design Custom-Poetry for my customers and this particullar customer of mine has developed low self-estem as a result of what the poetry decribes. I did not inform you of this to hide behind it, however I'm not blind and I am intouch with what goes on in society. I do not bash black men I love them dearly, however black men are guilty of every single line. What you need to do is a reallity check on what's being stated and try being a reallist about what's really going. Each and every line is true: perhaps your negative opinion about my poetry simply describes you? For the record opinions are like (A) holes we all have one. If the shoes fit's wear it! NO OFFENCE INTENDED JUST STACKING TRUE FACTS!!!!! Might I suggest YOU check your history and what's going around you, it appears you have a real problem with truth?

LOL..... I rest my case...............

Poetess and Asabagna ... have I missed something :confused:

Where is this poetry you are speaking of Asabagna ... Poetess ??

I looked back in this thread but could not find what you all are talking about. I wanna read it too. :)

:heart:

Destee

Destee
I'm not sure what happen to the thread but I will re-post it!

Some take offence to "Sisters, Sistas Make no Fuss" and it was not written to offend any body, it's just stacking real every day viewable facts.:D

Sisters Sistas Make No Fuss

Sisters, sistas make no fuss you’re every thing she desires to be, let us discuss.

Your naturally kinky wavy hair, wouldn’t you know she’d dare?

Your naturally full lips, for her is only a myth.

Your naturally plump boobs wouldn’t you know she had to have some too.

Your naturally dark tanned skin she had to tan just to fit in.

Your naturally full but-tock; is something she can only achieve by working on round the clock.

As for your black babies, all she can produce is a maybe?

As far your black lingo, when she speaks it, it’s mangled and tangled.

Our black men are just not comfortable with skin they’re in, so he forsakes his very own kin.

He treads on uncharted waters and has forsaken his Mother, Sisters and Daughters.

Oh, but hold on, he’s black and he will come back.

Weather you go and get him or she sends him back. He cannot fit in her world, simply because he’s black…And that’s a fact.

History has reigned her superior, look around; now she’s inferior.

Sisters, Sistas make no fuss, be comfortable with the skin you’re in unlike hers it’s thick, not thin.

You are everything she desires to be seen; because you are that beautiful Nubian Queen.

Fret no more, I have just told you the score, you are all that, because she constantly perpetrates you behind your back.

Brother’s, Brother’s can’t you see; your sister’s are admired by her in every degree.

It has been said black men do it because it’s the trend; when in fact they are both uncomfortable, with the skin they’re in.

Face the facts so you don’t have to retract or regret that your beautiful black women had no choice but to turn her back.

When it’s all said and done; the black woman has already won.

So Brother’s don’t bash her because of your shortcomings, be fair and admit you just can’t deal with a real woman.

Don’t let crossing the line make you bitter towards your very own; eventually it will make you want to moan or even grown.

God made you black and no man can change that.

So Sistas, make no fuss because you’re strong and bold; when it’s all said and done only the truth will hold…You are that admired precious pot of gold.


(stay tune for Brother's Brotha's Can we Talk)

Brothers Brothas can we talk
Brothers Brothas can we talk, let’s put and end to all the squawk.

Brothers hold on to your black women she loves you, she needs you, she’ll never turn her back…again I say hold on…so you don’t have to retract.

My Brothers you are strong and brave don’t let the opposite race cause you to stray.

Brothers: You are being watched by the white man, as you know he is the clan, with every chance he gets he’ll throw you in the can…just look at situation at hand.

Your Mother raised you as a black man, not to be lovers of the clan. Is this the thanks she gets, because you don’t apply your black wit?

Crossing the line for some is mistaken for grace and if it’s grace than it shouldn’t turn you against your very own race.

History has showed how treacherous she is with her schemes, when in fact she’s not as clever as she may seem.

Brothers you are so uncomfortable with the skin you’re in…so you desire her…I question that trend?

She desires you only because you are a stud, but when the chips fall she’ll treat like mud.

She comes after you for pure sexual pleasure, but there’s so much more to life than pleasure…What about Measure?

What about your beautiful black treasure, now that’s something she can’t even measure.

True enough you are well endowed. Don’t think with it…and forsake black women and child.

Whether you go home or she sends you back. You cannot fit in her world, simply because you’re black…And that’s a fact.

She tears your manhood down by wanting to strip you of your black crown…hold on to your root, when it’s all said and done she’ll give you the boot.

Why cross the line, only to fine, you’ll have to crawl back…in due time.

She’s perpetrates your beautiful black Queen just so she can be seen my Brothers…please don’t be green.

Brother’s, Brothas can’t you see; your sister’s are admired by her in every degree, you’ve already got that fine black Queen, as for her it’s merely a dream.

Your sisters are neither jealous nor trying to cause any rebel just trying to protect her interest from that blue-eyed devil.

Stand tall, you and your black women can have it all. She’s worthy for you to adore, together you can soar.

You are both strongly desired, as a black-couple you are to be admired.

God made you black; no man can change that.

Brothers Brothas can we talk; re-examine your actions and your walk…so we can put and end to the entire squawk.

I have just told you the score…need I say more?

Poetess great is the joy of heart when the words of the wise are spoken in due season, these poems are right on time ,:toast: I LOVE :love: your post:wave:

Thank You Abisha

I know I came in late on this poem, but sista gurl I just had to let you know that the poem...Sistahs, Sistahs Make No Fuss is totally off the chain...my, my, my, my, my! :jumping:

The poem to the brothas is well written also, but I must say some brothers who crossover, actually crossover for love sake. In other words, what I'm trying to say is that some, however, few it may be, are comfortable in their skin. :) They just happened to fall in love with someone who (these brothas in particular, don't bash black women) happen to be white. However, for the most part, most who crossover, will, like you said...be BACK!

The problem with this though is that some black women (I know some personally) don't want a brotha who has been with a white woman. They feel that this is a sure sign that he is weak minded and has not come to grips with who he truly is. He was probably bashing the sistahs when he was with his white woman,
now he wants to bash white women when he crosses back over.
This attitude stinks with some sistahs and he is termed as "two-face". When it comes down to it, he should not be bashing anybody, because we are all equal in God's eyesight. We simply have different physical features on the outside for the sake of significance and variety. If I was God, I would have gotten bored
dipping into the same pot and pulling out the same type of folks with no color change or other variations. :) He has always been a God of variety and everything He made is good. With some of the brothas I've seen, I would say God did an extra ordinary job on them:D Those be some gorgeous thangs for the eyes to behold. Good salve for sore eyes.

Anyway, I truly felt your poem all the way. At my workplace, the sista's are always getting envious stares. This poem was way too tight sistah gurl.

Joyce

Now folks and fam, let's put the guns and knives on the table,
This 'Interracial Tale' has gotten some of us UNSTABLE!
I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE after more than 480 years,
This ONE TOPIC is the cause for so many fears!

As a people, we're worth more than 680 Billion (and counting),
Instead of 'worrying' we should shouting!
We've beaten this horse until its dead--and glue!
Now YOU take a walk in a Brothers' shoes!

You see....

Back in the Bible, we ALL came from the Motherland,
This was part of God's Master Plan!
Adam and Eve were the color of the earth;
(White folk weren't though of...this is a subject of mirth!)
Miriam Tried to put her lips on Moses,
Was made a Leper--she was almost pushing up Roses,
All because he married a Dark Skinned Queen,
To God it was a joy, but to some it was obscene!

If I remember my Bible right,
Solomon and Sheba came out alright!
They thought Paul was a Real Black Man,
Didn't use Coppertone, had that 'natural' Hebrew tan!
John on Patmos couldn't stay White;
Heston, Douglass....nowhere in sight.


Sisters....
Brothers love you with all their might;
But on THIS issue, some of y'all ain't Right!
You'll DOG a brother who dates/marries a White (or another raced) woman;
But, SOME of you won't give him the time of day, when HE'S ready AND willing;
He's working two jobs and going to graduate school,
SOME of y'all think he's a FOOL!
When HE'S ready to wed,
He spies you in another culture's WEB!

So...Let's...
Put all the cards, out on the table, whether its oak or cherry!
Why didn't y'all get mad at Halle Berry,
with Travolta, Monster's Ball, and now a new Bond fable?
(Could it be...you didn't WANT to see?)
Her BLACK husband didn't stick around for cable,
He walked out the theater, as quick as he could;
Don't tell me where he 'Should' have stood!
But, I won't be shocked if divorced papers were served;
All because Halle was in her own little world.


Roll Call....
Roger Ebert has a BLACK wife,
Diana Ross has been flirting...ALL of her life;
What about Grace with Roger Moore?
Gladys Knight left Les Brown,
Now She's a Mormon Clown!
Dionne Warwick, that Psychic Bore,
So many others...Haven't got time for more!
Sisters...If YOU ain't the 'property' of a Black Man, or Black Race;
HE ain't YOURS, unless you waive his ring in our face!
If NO BODY owns you, YOU CAN'T OWN!
Getting mad and full of envy will put you in a HOME!


You'll note...
There are a few of You who want the BROTHERS to keep silent when some of y'all have been 'dating/marrying' white!
You want the BROTHERS to be restrained when you bag a Norweigan for the night!
You want the BROTHERS not to be seen when you've dated Korean!
(Are you starting to get at my true, blue meaning?)


Let us...Keep on....
Walking in a Brother's Shoes....
'If' we 'date/marry' white, some of y'all have the blues;
'If' we 'date/marry' black, some of y'all have a fit;
'If' we 'date/marry' red, some of y'all act like you've been bled;
'If' we 'date/marry' yellow, some of y'all act like we're out our head!
It's a big, big world, and oceans of blue;
We should be saying: "If you find love...GOOD FOR YOU!"


A Black Man will only go where he is invited;
If he's not with you...don't GET excited!
If you've got you OWN man, love him ALL the more;
DON'T be worried about what goes on NEXT DOOR!
From the posts and poems and words I've seen,
Sisters are more upset with a Black Man's 'color scheme'
If I may, be so BOLD!
Love does not come with a COLOR CODE!

(I'm heading for a close, here...)

Put youself in a Brother's place...
We've been PROPOSITIONED by EVERY race!
Whistled at by women of every color,
Hounded by women old enough to be our mothers,
Called by girls from every sphere,
(Some of them 'shaking it' beyond their years!)
Chinese, Japanese, Italians from Rome;
Thank GOD I'm married and I tell them to LEAVE ME ALONE!
If you are a Male Black Teen's Mother,
Your phone's been ringing off the hook, it won't let you slumber!
ALL kinds of girls steadily calling,
Sisters today are constantly trawling;
YOU'D better teach HIM what girls to stay away from,
And from ALL temptation, he'd better RUN!

My Sisters...Like I said from the start...
Take a walk in a Brother's shoes,
Let the RIGHT MAN to you be true blue;
Don't 'fake' concern for the 'strength' of the race,
We've been here since the dawn of time and we ain't going no place;
If YOU are concerned about who's dating The Black Man,
DON'T play games if a BROTHER asks for your hand;
Sure, some relationships DON'T work out,
But, chalk it up to experience, please don't pout!
And, if you feel the urge to beat the IR Horse...its DEAD...its GLUE!
Please take the time to think....
And Walk in a Brothers shoes!

You see, We're linked by heritage...through and through!
Who A Brother Date's shouldn't matter to you,
If your hand is empty, and there is no ring;
Don't help God by having a fling!
If you want a man, don't get uptight!
He's gonna find you, if you are UPRIGHT!
Be the best you can be, and he will too!
When the time is right, he will find you!
But when you feel envious, and tempted to sin;
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE....Read my words AGAIN!

Cause, it's ALL about LOVE

Mike Ramey

crossing da line ..... i agree wit Keme......y'all better listen to him

Rich and Kem: Sometimes, ya have to be off the hook to make a point. And, on this matter...the brother's have been damned if they do, damed if they don't, and need Johnny Cochran just to go out on a date!

Hopefully, when more of the brotherhood responds, issues like this will 'die out'. Then we can ALL get back to the business of praying FOR one another, instead of 'layin lips and keys' on one another.

Victory!

Mike Ramey
:eek:

Actually I could care less whose bed a brother wants to get in that is his business, however is becomes everyones business when they leave a pregnant woman behind. That happens to often in the black community. The woman is pregnant and is left behind, the child in most cases never knows his father. Statistically Other nationalities seem to feel that if they make a baby with a female, that is an indicater that he has a family now and they try to do the right thing and make a commitment. Many of the black men blame the woman soley if a child is invovled after an intimate union, and turn and hate or despise the female and the child. Most of us women are sick and tired of the relationships that end this way. When we are black we must keep our pants up and live upright, when you are any other race it's ok to have sex on the first date because that black man is so in love they get married the next day. If a black woman does it, the brother leaves and she deserves what she gets too, according to some of you. To me it seems that other nationality of women get by with sexual sins with flying colors and it's alright with you brothers because no matter what she does just so she is not black it is fine with you, your love for her is as deep as the deepest sea and it's ok because that is the way God wants it. Statistically black women will raise children and children will be thier only family, that sounds like a curse not a blessing, and it is our fault because we should already know that we are not loved as much as other women are cherished by not only thier own but by our most treasured black men, how lucky they are.

I know that I have ebony skin
according to man everything I do is a sin,
if I have sex like all the rest
I am condemed for trying to find the best.
If I have a child with my ebony King ,
"On My Own" is the song I will sing.
Come to me with your sting
for I am black , I am only your fling.
You meet me to only give temporal pleasure
but to any other you desire destiny forever
Why am I here left to cry and fear
To have sex,children and no man near
The love of man is not my only reason to live
But without love what kind of love can I give
Without love what kind of love can I recieve
non ebony is loved by all
ebony is so differnt
only a God in heaven can help us feel tall
If it were not for him I would have no love at all
Without my Ebony King near I will cry a silent tear
Together with his children I will be
I hope they don't grow to despise me

i agree wit ya sistah !!!!

It all boils down to choice! I may not like it. YOU may not like it. But, Adults...like Destee said...have the freedom to make their OWN decisions. You can advise all you want, but folk have to make their own decisions.

And, with all of the poetry and verse flying on Black Love, it still boils down to you and your household. It matters NOT what the CULTURE is doing. Are YOU raising (within the walls of your house) YOUR children the right way? If you are NOT married, but HAVE children, I've seen single parents raise some GREAT kids, regardless of who controls the mainstream press...or not.

If you are NOT married, and don't have children, you are putting forth the hope that when HE finds you, HE will be the one GOD wants you to have, and you are both going to be going the SAME direction...with the same plans, and the same concern about the family. I PRAY that you DO have the right man come into your life. A strong, caring, loving, Christian Black King, and he will treat you like the Queen you deserve to be treated.

But....

Until that time comes, you have to play the cards you are dealt in life. And you have to realize that people have the freedom to do, act, and live the way they want to. It may upset you, but its their life. God, as powerful as HE is, cannot overrule a person's freewill.

Let me also add this. It is your perception, and opinion, that Black Women are 'penalized' more harshly by others because some of them didn't keep their morals up. In reality, NO ONE is going to skate past GOD with lose living. It is not a good idea to think that folks are going to get away with something because their morals are bad...black, white, yellow, brown, or red. To 'envy' someone (or a group of someones) because they seemingly 'get away' with loose living is a farce at best.

WE DO RESPECT OUR WOMEN...but many of them don't seem to care if Black Men do, or don't....save many of the honorable sisters and brothers I have met in this fam. The fam on Destee.com's boards is the exception...and I hope the rule! WE have to change our people's attitudes by RESPECTING OURSELVES FIRST...meaning, no shacking, cheating, creaping, or sleeping around, AND living this message to the best of our abilities on a daily basis.

As far as the other cultures...well, look at their own toteboards. They dominate the welfare rolls, the abortion mills, and the media. People of color have fewer abortions, there are fewer of us on welfare, and more and more of us have great marriages, own our own homes, and have children who are not in trouble with the law.

The PERCEPTION created to try to destroy us is that the Black Man is not responsible, and the Black Woman is independent! These 'lies' have backfired on the perpetraitors! Columbine didn't happen in the 'hood, but in the 'burbs! More and more white kids are on Ritalin, Prozac, Zoloft, and a hundred other drugs.

IF that ONE man finds you; that ONE BROTHER whom you've been praying for, your WHOLE perception WILL change. Until then, keep on believing it CAN happen, if GOD wants it to happen.

Mike Ramey

Choices choices we must make
Make the right choice for God's sake
or the wrong path you may take
the right way you forsake
When it comes to love
you can not fake
if you hurt a Golden heart
thier soul the world will scrape
if God they do not accept
with the devil they will be kept
and thier broken heart is left to wept
The Sea of Choices we are at
I'm sure your mother told you that
If your father is not there
Think of him when you look through the air
If you call him and he does not answer
Don't let it eat your soul like a Cancer
Color has no function
but the choice to not to choose black is only an option
Chioces choices we are free to make
becasue no ones soul we could give or take
ONly God in heaven has that choice
being black in this world is groovy but we have lost our voice
We lost our voice because of how shocked some of us are
because the choice we make may leave a permenant scar.
Others are chosen as I stand by the way side
sadly wishing to be chosen before I die

The unwanted ebony queen to some it seems that life is mean
Many of us have not flowing hair
instead it seems as if we have shampooed out hair with Nair
We put on wigs to have a radiant flair
we want to look as others do
but only ourselves we do fool
We could never look differnt because of our skin
That is the way our lives began
Trying to fit, shape or mold our lives
to be accepted by this world before we die
Our only acceptance is God above
He will hold our black skin in his arms
and give us love from above
He told me my skin is as soft as a dove
What manner of man is this that would lay down his life for a ebony freind
Jesus did not turn me away because of my ebony skin
no matter what his color was he told me I am his kin
He did not look at my skin and skip me
thank God praying to him is free
because if it cost money Minorities would be left out
because ebony skin always does without
There are reasons but we're always the poorest
the ones who carries the most dealdiest diseases so they say
but thank God we can have him and all we have to do is Pray

Abisha: WHEN you get married, invite the fam to the event!

The last two weddings I went to, the Queens looked very happy with their Kings. Those two Queens didn't look 'forgotten' to me!

It only takes the RIGHT man to make the RIGHT woman happy. If THEY are happy, and going to same direction...that's all that matters.

Like Destee said (and I'll paraphrase) "You can't tell ADULTS anything...they are going to DO what they WANT!"

I hope that you are posting your poetry in the poetry section; there are a lot of people who should read your words. But, I haven't changed my 'opinion' and you haven't changed your 'opinion'. We just have to agree to disagree! That DON'T mean, I don't respect you...and I TRUST it goes both ways!

Mike Ramey

I don't disagree with you Mike , I know we all do what we want and I am not a slave master to try and hold a brother down in chains, I am free and so is he so how ever our people turn out let it be.

Peace

Abisha:

Like the Bard said back in the course, and never through,
"To Thine Own Self--Be True!"
I KNOW those Wedding Bells will ring,
Once a King discovers you, his Queen!
I know many have said, Black folk are down for the count,
And continue to highlight our troubles, for them to mount;
But, WE trust In Christ, he died for us,
He also rose...no muss, no fuss.

BUT...

Those 'naysayers' have troubles too;
Ritalin, Prozac, Zoloft bills due.
Abortion rising, homes breaking up,
Other cultures on welfare--this is more than enough!
They try to burn OUR houses down,
Yet, the torchers contine to look like CLOWNS.

Just be encouraged, and never stray
Get ready for your own wedding day!
Give your King that love you write about,
He'll be a man above men whom others will shout!
Don't give up, I know I'm through;
Rest in what God has provided for YOU!

Mike Ramey

:love:

The hardest word in the English language is WAIT!

Mike Ramey

I don't see anything wrong with it....

We are all in a sense...looking for a kindred spirit that we can grow and learn with....whose to say that the spirit you are in sync with is in a shell that is not of color....that you should run, not walk away?

We are more alike than we are un-alike....

Abisha ... Hey Sis ... :love:

I want you to know that you are not alone. There are many single black women, raising children by themselves, often wondering why they are having to bear the weight of a task meant for two. I too am a single mother, 3 babies. While reading your posts, I feel your pain and discouragement. Beautiful poetry by the way and like Mike, I think you should share it in the poetry forum.

Sis, you are not alone. We, you and I, have found ourselves in this situation and must be as positive and hopeful about it as possible. So much depends on our frame of mind, how we view and process things. Our children are watching, learning and depending on us to show them how to best deal with life situations ... when the sun is shining and when the skies are dark.

It's not always easy to focus on the positive things in our lives, when we have storms raging all around us, when our hearts are heavy and we're tired of struggling and fighting ... but we must dig deep within ourselves to do this anyway. The babies are depending on us. It's our duty to show them how.

Abisha, no relationship comes with guarantees and in this day and time, the chances are great that it won't last forever. Let's fast forward 20 years, your daugher has married, had children, and for whatever reason ... divorced. She finds herself raising babies alone. What would you say to comfort her heart? What will she have to look back on, from her own childhood, for direction and guidance during her rough times? You must prepare her now, by the way you deal with life situations, for this and all possible things she may experience in the future.

For me personally, I find it very easy (at this point in my life) to focus on the things that I do have and stay busy thanking God for them, praising Him that He saw fit to bless me so abundantly. If I begin looking at all the things that I don't have, gosh, I could spend the rest of my life depressed.

My daughter is about to go away to school and I am finding myself teaching her more and more, these last few days we have together, to be thankful for what God has blessed her with ... rather than crying about the things He has yet to give. I want her to hone this skill, because the little things she's crying about now, will not compare to what she has yet to experience ... and I want her to know how to look up, be thankful and go through like the victor she is. I want her to be able to teach my grandchildren, so it's important that I teach her.

I tell her that God is able to do all things and if she finds herself going through something that is unpleasant, she must go through, thanking God in the midst of it. We don't always know why, or to what specific good this situation can be ... but if we believe and trust that God is the head of our lives, and He has control of all things ... then there can be peace and comfort in the midst of any storm.

Abisha, be encouraged my dear darling Sister, know that what God has for you, no one can deny you. If you believe like your poems indicate ... your days will be filled with much joy and peace ... in spite of the fact that you don't have everything you want ... right now this minute.

:heart:

Destee

@ Destee

I am not happy to see that I am not alone
I don't want other ebony queens to sing this song
I wish we all had no troubles
and no one to burst our childhood bubbles
however that is not how life goes
as our troubles mount our spirit will grow
and we have our spirit from God
even in the time of Amastad
God sits high and he looks down low
he made all of us and he enjoys this show
because we are made to help each other when our resources are low
God has used us to help each other flow
and sometimes what we reap is what we sow
what we get is what we give
whether live is good or not we must live
God is our day that walks us through the night
he gives us each other to go our plight
Ebony Kings and Queens at work or school or play
let love each other so our help will stay
Let God love you all you must do is pray
Pray for those who have gone astray
because they will come back some other day,
one day they will see
that all you have to do is pray and you will be free
love has no color so people say
why are the non ebony sisters getting all the play
if all one needs is a soul mate to love
and pretend there is no color involved
if that were so
Ebony queens would not be left
as a past fixture upon a shelf
If color was blind why are so many Ebony Queens left behind?

Tysha Lema

ps. Destee you are a great Ebony Queen, and I think I will post this in the poetry section too!! hahaha:toast: You have encouraged me so many ways, God Bless U

Abisha ... you encourage me as well and I think you are a great Ebony Queen ... :love:

Tell me if I'm wrong, but I hear this "woe is me" or "woe is us" message in your words ... which makes me want to share this story my Mother shared with me years ago ... when I was wallowing in my own pity ...

Momma told me that God does not love me any more than He loves the homeless woman who is living out of a cardboard box with her 3 children. Momma said, the difference between me and her is that I am crying about my situation (safely inside my own home) but that woman is thanking God that things are as good as they are.

Many women are raising children alone, for a number of reasons, white ones too. Certainly white folk have had (and perhaps still have) more opportunity than we do. Add all of their opportunity to the fact that some black men choose them over us ... can't help but hurt.

But Abisha, why focus your eyes in that direction? Especially since it causes so much pain. Instead, look at our Sisters (and Brothers and their children) dying in Africa from AIDS, starvation and a host of other things. Look at the women in Afghanistan who just a few months ago could be killed at any man's whim. Many of these same women now digging out their loved one's corpses from rock and rubble, living in what we would consider terrible conditions. Look at the woman, here in America, with children who she can't control, pacing every night wondering where they are or when they will come home. Look at the mother who is raising babies alone and they are sick and she can't afford to buy them medicine or provide them quality health care. Look at the woman who has a man but he's beating her every day. Look at the woman who has a husband, yet she feels so all alone. Look at the woman who must bury her child. Then look at us, our problems seem so trivial. There is peace in our home, our children are healthy and safe, we can look into their bright, shiny, smiling faces ... and know we are blessed. We have much to be thankful for ... so much so ... that there is little time to mourn the things we do not have (including a man).

All of these examples, including yours, are real. We choose where we want to focus our energies. If we choose to focus in an area that brings our heart sorrow ... we will be sad. If we choose to focus in an area that provides evidence beyond a shadow of a doubt ... that we are blessed ... then we will be happy. It's all a choice.

Trials and tribulations are a part of life, as much a part as death. While we would hope that none ever have any, that none would ever die ... that's just not life. Not real life anyway.

Just wanting you to stay positive and be encouraged for a spirit such as yours deserves nothing less. God Bless You Too.

:heart:

Destee

I thank God Destee that I have a significant other in my life at this time, but I still remeber what it is like to feel as if , I am standing on the side line and wanting to get chosen or loved, as sad as it may sound , I want to let others know that there is someone who shares the pain, the same pain and understands their hurt, I am doing well now but I ask the Lord not to let me forget where I came from and how it felt to be there. Many times just because things are o.k. for me , it does not mean some other Ebony queen is in my position. I am talking to the queen who wants to give up the fight, and no we may not be in Afganistan but suicide rates in this country is soaring, we may not live in a cardboard box but many are dead inside. Better living conditions but the end result seems to be the same (tragedies) they are all around. I may not understand the Afgani plights in which I am sure they have some, but I do know and understand what it is like to be in the desulate shoe feeling no love and I just wanted to express , like Job did in his book in the bible; while in his darkest night God helped him to see the light. In no way would I complain but I do acknowlegde that being Ebony you experiance certain pains. Many may take it easy and light but so many others have a man in thier life to help them fight. I don't see myself as negative at all, I feel that I am expressing what many are ashamed to say, because they don't want toehrs to know they feel that way, not angered at interracial dating, but sad because non black women seem to be the only ones mating.

I think many ebony kings think that we are angry at them for IR dating and that is not it at all, many of us are sad and we don't hate the white women because they can not help it because the males from all around the globe desire them, that is the way they were born and I am not mad at our men for choosing them , I could care less who they choose but there are too many black women with thier kids as their only family, for the Afgans it takes a war to separate them from the love of their life , but here in the states there is war , but it is so mental that it is destroying our family units , it is a silent killer of black families. Statistically the black community is in trouble, big trouble is dying out and for some reason , if color is so blind why are the majority of blacks separated from one another? If color was blind like they say we would be in the mix of society not the ones that get left out so many times. And no I am not saying the whites are mistreating us, I am talking of how we mistreat one another .

many women act angery when they see an IR couple and they do that to cover the saddness . We have no right to feel sad when we see a lovely IR couple walking down the street, and actually it's quite childish but it seems to be a natural feeling in all races , other women do not like to see black women IR dating their races either. I don't know if they are sad about it like us or not , but they clearly show thier distaste for it also. The families of IR daters also display this behavior and some cases they display a worse spirit than anger but hatred. What the problem is with it I really don't know but every race is feeling uncomfortable about black/white dating. A white can date an Asian and not be looked upon as a disgust, but you let a black be with any other race and all hell breaks looks, you can see it in people's eyes like it is so disturbing. Other races can mingle and not be noticed. Color is not blind

one uncle is married to a japaneese woman
another uncle was married to a white woman
have one uncle married to a hispanic woman
my gradfather's mother was white
my father's mother was a creek indian

saying all this to say not one of us is 100% pure anything. I've read the responses here and some were down right funny others make you think. Men no matter what color leave women and vice versa. My black uncle left my white aunt for no apparent reason.

color has nothing to do with it. you like who you like. you marry who you marry. we all bleed red when we get cut.



My 2 cents anyway

I think if many of the black women were white in our society today many of them would be married at least they would have gotten the chance to say I was married first and then left with kids, but many of the men these days just want a taste of the ebony and no marriage. However they get a taste of the vanilla and marry them right away, they may leave later but to me there is more respect and no hit and run when it comes to them, as much as it goes on in the black community/black male black female)kids & man gone
black male / white female ) Marriage /Kids/man gone

and I am only speaking statistically for what I have seen in the United States,

I am not trying to step on anyones toes here or make enemies but white women are sought after by all races of men , not just the brothas , God made us all and he did not make black women to be a statistical night mare and raise children all alone, there are women of other nationalities raising children alone, but black women seem to be record breakers, and I hear from too many brothas " why drive a pinto when you can have a Mercedes?"

White women seem to have it made better these days as far as being the desired package, according to many of our brothers they got it all. I'm not mad at my brothas who choose that way, that is their life and what ever makes them happy they should do and not look at what no one else says. Who cares if you desire the white queen if you want her go with that and forget about others think, or feel or how we look, because no race wants to see the black paired with nothing but black
some whites don't like to see black and white
some asians don't like to see black and asian
some latinos don't like to see black and latino
but white and asian can hang out
white and latino can hang out
asian and latino can hang out
no one seems to notice
but when black is invloved it's a big crime all the time
if your black get back , that is what some people think
but you do what you want to do with your own life, you are the one who is living it.

Wow...I so do not see things that way... I just look at it like some black men like white women...but some white men like black women. People of different races mix...may we all become people of color some day.

I do not believe in what the statistics say about being a single parent, because I have been married with children for ten years to a beautiful black man...life is what you make it...and in chosing a mate you should choose wisely. Do you see a star and then aquire it, or do you see a piece of coal and try to pressurize it into becoming a diamond. If it doesn't work, you should check yourself and your choices...aren't we all somewhat in control of our destinies. I find that you are less likely to get stuck on things like interracial dating, once you have lived a little and experienced different things in life. I choose not to judge..."do you" is what I say about it.

After 12 years of marriage it is not easy to say "oh well it didn't work for me" and maybe a person made a good choice but sometimes in life somethings change beyond your control , whether you check yourself or not . When you have children it is not easy to look in thier faces and tell them check yourself daddy isn't coming back, he is out making a new family with his pants down.

i agree because if a man wants to leave he will leave no matter what the color of his mate. Oh yeah and the white men as well as other races do have a thang for the sistas. I know for a fact. Like red said if you try to change a person eventually it will blow up on ya, color be damned.


One

No one is God and can't change anything, and if I have to be with someone I feel that I have to change I woulnd't want him anyway. God is the one who does the changing and if God can't do it it can not be done and if a situation will blow up it sure won't blow up on me cause I wouldn't allow that, and don't believe in chasin no man who don't want me.

Yup.

stares meet us as he and i walk down the pathway
eyes intently upon me, then glancing over his way
my thought relays the cause being only because
I am woman
slightly pleasant to the eyes of the opposite gender
Yet he holds another perception
one that many have held before
one that many still hold today
and i still am filled with surprise
and maybe a little bit of confusion as to why
you see, he thinks
they stare because we belong
to different ethnicities
he being black
i be east indian
so our differences exist
yet when i look into the mirror
all i see is anita j, a person,
not an indian, i see a spirit,
i see my self, the beauty that lies
in my potential, and the pain that exists
from all my wounds, and still the strength
that lies in my determination to rise above
all of my past scars
and i see him, as a person as well,
not as a African American man, but as a soul
with a kind and gentle spirit,
hard working and patient,
intelligent and fun to be around...
still i know that
he and everyone else sees me in the physical sense
more than i have ever seen myself
so i am left slightly stuck
pondering the questions
am i wrong for not seeing myself more as
the culture i was born into
are they wrong for not seeing that we all are
God's creations, human beings before anything else
or is it all relative in this space and time
on this physical plane meaning that no one is wrong
and we all just have our own way of viewing things...
If the answer be the latter, then i suppose acceptance
and tolerance must be exercised by all for all,
and that sometimes you have to be willing to meet
someone half way to teach them and to be taught...
we are all traveling on a journey...
for life is all about learning lessons...
but something still feels uncompleted
in the cypher of thoughts
that spin through my head
so i'm left still wondering
still pondering
the natures we all tend to possess
my own history
the way that i was raised
searching for a way to bridge the mental gap
that lies between this river of thoughts flowing
steadily in my mind
right now...


1 LOVE
peace and blessings unto you...
always,
anita j.

"...I am Queen, Mother,Earth and Moon almagamatively
And my reflection, He be King, Father, Sun and Sky collectively,
Together, we interconnect as oneness, to create and maintain,
The universe, balance and harmony, so always strive to obtain,
Knowledge of Self..."

-Excerpt taken from the piece, Knowledge of Self, by Anita J.

Purchase Anita J.'s book, The Painted Shades of My Soul, online at http:www.buybooksontheweb.com or by emailing paush@hotmail.com

for real, interracial dating...that's all i know... i've never considered myself anything other than a person so i've gone out with whoever i wanted to go out with....based on my personality and spirit and their personality and spirit...i'll crack the mirrors and let the sharded pieces of glass fall before i allow another's opinion to halt my happiness in that arena. for real. it's crazy...we talk about how blinded our eyes are to the truth and we are too wrapped up in materialism and blahzay blahzay and can't see how wrapped up in color lines our eyes are ensnared as well. i would never say forget your history. never do that. but loving you doesn't have to mean not loving anyone else. teach everyone to respect everyone's culture. I'm not just studying my own culture. i'm studying other's as well and loving that. cuz in life there is so much more. but to each is their own i suppose. so hey, live your truth and walk with your light. we'll all get to where we need to be in the end anyway.

1 LOVE
peace and blessings unto you...
always,
anita j.

:angel: Regarding the previous posts on interracial dating, most individuals addressing this issue have unknowingly revealed just how ethnocentric our dating patterns have become. Because most individuals have a comfort zone in which they date or interact, our social circles contain groups of people who we are somewhat familiar with. Usually, those individuals are somewhat like us in education, occupation, age, race, income level, and interests. Thus, race is a factor in determining compatibility, but it is not the only factor that one takes into account when selecting a mate. Surly, we all have preferences regarding these compatibility factors, but does a preference for light brown skin sistas make me racist? No, I think not. :bomb:

In fact, when I attended college, my first girlfriend was white with blonde hair and blue eyes. At the time, I found white girls attractive because they were considered “taboo” by the sistas and black culture in general, so my natural curiosity and defiant streak demanded that I chart forbidden territory. To my surprise, they were normal women who lacked the necessary skin pigment to make them black, and they had to deal with the same issues that the sistas dealt with. Although there were some cultural differences in religion, food, and music, we enjoyed our time together all the more.

Ironically, the problems that our relationship experienced came from outside the relationship and were not internal in nature. Staring at us as though we were from Mars, many whites and blacks revealed their deep-seated fear of unwanted sexual competition. The white males appeared to be terrified by the idea of their potential mates being pared with individuals outside of their race, and most black females seemed to exhibit the same behavior. In fact, on several occasions some verbalized their disgust with vulgar comments. :uzi:

I have noticed that the interracial daters have an attitude problem as well as the crowd they claim to have an attitude with them. :rolleyes: I was at work on my cash register one day, and I saw this brother with a white lady, I felt in my heart , I could care less, it wasn't my man, I proceeded to ring their items. I tried to talk to the girl , just being friendly and she had a NASTY STANK attitude towards me, I was not about to let my feelings get hurt, I continued to ring ther items. I talked with the brother and he was totally cool.:toast: , I have noticed that many IR couples are mean, and what ever you go through you should not put it off on an innocent person that have done notheing to you. I said nothing mean to that lady, actually I was trying to nice and was going to tell her they were a cute couple. In many cases when I am out and I greet a couple, I generally greet the female first, and if she is not friendly , I won't say a thing to thier boyfreind, but in this case, I let a brother know I was not mad at them:maddd: :love: for thier love , but sometimes you brothers need to check out these women you are out with , they may not be sending out the correct messege . I notice the IR daters that date black men , have a nasty attitude and when they have children , some teach them against black women , it's not always the public that picks on you. What about the people who try to be nice to you,it's not my fault because , some other sista made you mad:maddd: or feel bad:eek: by rolling their eyes. What about the people who could care less about what you do , you try to give us a bad rap as well. That is what makes a good relationship go bad, is when you try and put everyone in one bag, and that shows that you still have not lost your prejudice ways:mad: hating on sistas for no reason, when you go out treat all people as individuals, and don't put all people in 1 bag . I am tired of IR daters that have attitudes with everyone, and racially profile and put us black women in only 1 catergory, I think it's really childish . Stop blaming attitudes on other people and start looking at you . :uzi: Some people are always going around trying to blame others:confused: look around it may be you at fault as well. People could care less who you are with , Who cares . IR daitng is as old as dirt and it's nothing new about it. :puke: , soem of the attitudes from those relationships make you want to puke . Stop being so paraniod not everyone is out to get you, gosh!:eek:

at UbZo: you said;
i agree because if a man wants to leave he will leave no matter what the color of his mate. Oh yeah and the white men as well as other races do have a thang for the sistas. I know for a fact. Like red said if you try to change a person eventually it will blow up on ya, color be damned.


My point is :

Yes many men have a thing for te sistas, but they don't leave thier community, their children, thier wives , and thier love for their people. What I mean is yeah many men will try it out but know who their family is after they have sex .

Some black men allow SEX with another individual to cloud their judgment and cause them to leave their innocent family behind , who suffers later. Other men seem to know their end of the rope , and they know it's not the IR fling they had.

White men Latino men Black men cheat, but who has the highest rate in the o****ry for actually not claiming most of the kids they help to bring into the world? Who is most likely to divorce? Statistics point out , it takes a 911 incident for a white man to actually leave his family behind, but what does it take for a black man? A little argument? A little fling? Is P_ _ _ y that important with a none black that once you do it, you have to leave your whole family behind? My point is other men statistcally stay with thier wives and statistically black men can't get beyond underwear , many just go around planiting new families with their pants down , like he is the MAN and having babies outside of your race doesn't make you more of a man or less of one. What is the remedy the whites have that keep the majority of them together, and truly live till death do us part? They work it out through thick and thin, through cheating and through arguments, and with some of us black folk, all it takes is a few arguments and you just give up when it 's a black marriage. When it's a non-black marriage , some try so hard to keep it and they have tried harder than they ever tried despite all heart aches and pains.

I know a brotha who married this white lady and he was an officer of the law, well he came home from work and she had another brotha in her bed, yep caught in action. He caught her 7 times more and his mom finally told him , son leave her alone, NOW I KNOW IF THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A SISTA,IT WOULD NOT TAKE HIS MOTHER TO STEP IN AND SAY THAT, HE WOULD CANCEL HER OUT THE FIRST TIME SHE DID IT....

If an IR relationship makes you feel you can breathe again, my brotha breathe on, I surley aint mad at 'cha'

:angel:Sadly, your arguments are not about interracial dating, but instead focus on the lack of cohesion within the bonds of modern day black families. Although you can blame this lack of cohesion on a black male’s attraction to females of other races, this position would be extremely naive in nature. Any causal analysis of this lack of cohesion between brothers and sistas in intimate relationships has to take a multifaceted approach. Is the brother in the relationship the product of a broken marriage, and is he simply mimicking the behavior of his father? Is the sista trying to establish a long-term relationship with a brother who is noncommittal, and simply wants to make a “Booty Call”? Why is the brother noncommittal? Do social economic factors play a role in his inability to support his children? Does the brother hold any religious beliefs in a higher authority other than himself? Does peer pressure play a role in this lack of cohesion, and if it does then what is its role? What does the sista bring to the relationship? Is she actually a Queen, or a peasant with high aspirations? Is he a King, or a despot waiting to subject you to his will? :bomb:

I feel to eaches on.

@ Nightglance

What ever the case maybe our people are dwendling away, our love for one antoher is critically at a non-existant phase.

All white men don't act as kings, nor all White women act as queens but some how they make it anyway through thick or thin, they make their families work, whether they made an intentional family or not.

Of COURSE it is not all the black male, but the majority of black women are caring for children, and don't know where the male is.

Daddy or the word daddy for many children is like the word: Santa Claus because like Santa, he is always talked about in a good way , but never seen.

Many of the Fathers need to step up to thier responsibilites and they help to bring into the world and relize it is not all the females fault, it is thier fault as well. Stop leaving the women to raise children on thier own soley.

If you think society is hard for you to make it, how about a female with children, life will be very hard for her, more harder than one can imagine.

There is no difference from a white man and a black man, the only thing is many of us make excuses and say, oh he had a harder life and never knew how to be a daddy,

well if he is having enough sex to have children , he need to start reading books that are availble for fatherhood.

What if females begin feeling like the male, I was weak as he was and chose the wrong mate and began giving away their children to the Foster care system, and leaving their children behind and allowing the system to make money off of black families that chose not to be a family anymore, the way we hate on each other if the females got that weak, the systme would make millions off of us per year.

you are right Nightglance this is way off topic, but getting back to the origianal topic, I still thing that many IR couples are very mean towards the public and take prior expereinces out on innocent people that have no intentions to hate on them and I think they should stop putting everyone in the same bag, and they are pointing the finger at us being mean ; they are pointing 3 more fingers at themselves because they can have some "I PUT ALL OF YOU IN ONE BAG" hateful attitudes towards others as well.

IR couples you are not the only victims we are victimized by your nasty attitudes as well. Stop taking out your mean streaks on nice people.

i'm an african american female with a strong sense and knowledge of self. i appreciate and love my Blackness. i love nothing more than a strong Black man. i am not, however, opposed to interracial relationships simply because of the fact that i believe we should love each other as we love ourselves. it sounds elementary, but i don't have to worry about getting mad and intimidated when i see a brotha with someone other than a sista. i am a product of years of race intermixing. if i claim to be against that, then i wouldn't love myself. my brother's baby's eyes are as blue as the caribbean sea, if i claim to be against interracial relationships, should i not love my niece? we have to be careful when it comes to racial issues. i believe that when we come to love and be comfortable with who we are (individually) then we will come to appreciate and love others in the way that Christ does. i don't know about you all, but i don't want to harbor feelings that go against what i know to be true.

somalirain

I think that inner-racial dating should not be a topic of discussion. It's a personal decision that should not be scrutinized by society.

:nono:

Considering the history of black/white race relations in amerikkka (up to and including the present), there is a definite need to discuss race relations, not excluding interracial dating (particularly involving black-white pairings). In MANY instances, it is not always a simple matter of someone choosing a mate who "happens" to be opposite race. In many cases, it is a matter of folk using the opposite race to make a political statement against their same-race counterparts. Thus, an issue that needs to be discussed.

...primarily black men. The practice of lynching Brothers who either were involved with white females or merely wrongly accused of either being involved with white females or winking at them or whistling at them, etc. is not in the very distant past, either. A cousin was drowned by some white boys a couple decades or so back for being involved with a white girl. That superficial elevated status of the white female that was the cause of my cousin's murder is still no less salient in 2002. Again, we MUST continue this dialogue.

How dare you come through here and not speak to me, kemetstry. :smash:

The other day, as I was seated in a restaurant with my nephew, a white woman and black man stepped in. The woman and I briefly made eye contact. I smiled, and then I met his eyes. They were filled with resentment and anger, almost accusatory in nature. Needless to say, I was somewhat stunned. You see, I am enlightened enough to realize that ours, is an evolving world. Races have
been mixing for x amount of years, and hardly any of us are "pure". But, there are others that would happily disagree with my views, white and black; male and female. And that's fine, but this is about my views, so feel free to disagree.

The Myths
Myth1:
A select number of people believe that by dating one of another race means they will be more sexually pleased. Thus creating the "hot Latino lover", and "hung black stud" stereotypes. I have been in interracial relationships before with Hispanic, white, and mixed men. From my experienced perspective, there were no noticeable differences. Meaning that most men were well endowed, and all pleased me sexually, emotionally, and otherwise. Although some
relationships were not that pleasant, I realized it wasn't because of their race/ethnicity, but rather a clashing of personalities. So why do so many assume that the "grass is greener on the other side?" It is because, they are ignorant. They don't realize that no one group of people can fit into one exact category. If some of these close-minded people actually stepped into the real world, they would realize there is a multitude of personalities,
morals, values, ethics, etc, in every race.
Myth2:
I have been told by many of my black male friends reasons why they exclude black women as their partners. Some believe black women have "attitude", and are too out-spoken. Being a black woman, and being raised by one I can say, "not true!" Black women are strong. For years we have had to raise children on our own (not always our choice), becoming our families main source of income. We have also had to deal with absentee/dead beat fathers (our own as
well as our children's). Of course based on the above reasons as well as plenty of others, we find it hard to become the "submissive" female. That in no way means, that with a little time, and trust we can't fulfill that more gentle, and less abrasive role. Most black women yearn to be just that, a mother, and a wife, but it is the lack of support from our community and male counterparts that keep us hostile. And black men, going through their own
life difficulties, it seems, will never understand this about their mothers, and sisters, and daughters. This is such a problem, that now black women are increasingly dating interracially. Not because they have a preference for white men, but because they are so disenfranchised with black men that they choose to look elsewhere.
Myth3:
Black men on white women: They are more subservient. One of the biggest myths is that white women are these subservient sluts, who will give any man money. The first time I heard that one, I thought it was hilarious.
Myth4:
White men and women are "freaky": Black women are starting to look outside of the black community for mates. These women have become fed up with black men and the black community in general. They feel that they are constantly overlooked by loud and proud "O.J's". Some also believe that a white man will do what a black man won't do. Mainly oral sex. Black men also believe the same about black women. It confuses me how misguided the black community is
about it's own members.

...some very good points.

Personally, I'm not with it.

A lot of brothers step to white women because they see it as so much easier to deal with them than with a sister.

Also, if you look around, they practically throw themselves at brothers, therefore it's easier to get at 'em.

Like just the other day I was on the subway. There was one brother sitting down, about four sisters standing around him talking to him, just casual conversation, and ONE white girl.

She just HAD to squeeze her bony hips between the sisters and cop a squat on the brother's lap. And he let her.

Maybe he wanted to get the sisters jealous, but it just made me see the white, I mean light.

i don't like black white relationships at one time i did like and date white guys but i notice that what can they do that a black man can't do i just don't approved of that type of relationships and i have always felt this way just never said anything about it so i left it alone so now i need to mention it real bad now.

Wow what an expereince lilnea16, it's good to be with someone you can trust, and build your life with someone that can identify with you. God made man for woman but if someone makes you feel uncomfortable , stay out of it. The most important thing in your life is education, and if you are in school or planning to go to school, that should be your main focus, relationships may come and go but your education no one can take away from you, and you can make big cash as a professional black, and most of all keep God as number 1 and he will see you through to safety from all things and help to stabalize your life,families life and etc.

Thanks for posting :-)

I don't see anything wrong with interracial dating. You love who you love. However, Black men are so beautiful!

LOVE IS LOVE AND IN TODAYS SOCIETY WE ARE ALL ONE COLOR IN THE EYES OF GOD.THE OUTSIDE COLOR IS ONLY THE COLOR OF THE HOUSE THAT WE TEMPERALY OCCUPY.IN SPIRITE WE ALL MANIFEST IN A HEAVENLY HERE AFTER.WE ARE ALL CREATED IN THE IMAGE OF GOD AND CORRECT ME IF I AM WRONG;GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES.MUCH LOVE SHAKA ZULU.

There are beautiful people in all shades and colors as well as jerks, we have to get along with people who get along with us. Some blacks don't treat each other in the correct manner, and some whites don't treat each other in the correct manner, and sometimes you just can't look at one's color and think just becasue they are black and you are black , they will love you, or just because someone else is white and you are black , they will hate you. Sometimes you find the freindlist faces in another color. And sometimes you find them in your own color. I think what ever makes you feel comfortable.

Abisha and Shaka,

Amen!

I say who ever treats you right go for it. I may hate to see a sistah with an other race but I rather see that sistah with a white guy who treats her good then a black guy who mistreats her. We need to stop this self hate against blacks also. All this light skin and dark skin bickering is nonsense. People may have their preference but know one is better than the other. If know one else what yall sistahs I do!!!

I agree with you Nfant because that is God's plan to see us happy and color should not be a main factor of beinng happy with another person, God made all of us to love all. It just kind of scares me if there are not blacks left or interest of black issues fade away, if there are not many black left , black issues will be non- existant. I guess I am scared of our people totally fading away, because now days we can see very well and are choosing not to choose one another in droves, we are all mixing and there is not anything wrong with that, but I kind of miss the old fashioned communities, and when you hear a car that drives by thumping rap songs loudly, it use to be a brother, but now days in Cali. there really are no brothers left. I miss just seeing the brother walking down the street or blasting his fat stereo system and you can laugh at all of the stuff he has put on his car, or say look at that brother you can tell he is a black man by the way he walks, but there are not many left to watch. As a child growing up I never knew times would be like this, I'm not saying that times are bad because they are not, but I just miss the comical days and the togetherness. In Cali. black neighborhoods don't exist and to tell you the truth I am use to it now, but I still remember what it was like.

I mean no disrepect to all of the other wonderful people out there, I just miss seeing the black negihbors, and there aren't any here in Cali. , That's ok I'll live but things are different from the way they were when I was coming up, when there were black communiteis and the neighborhood was close knit, maybe it's all good that times are changing, maybe we need a change like this one, I just have to adjust and we all do. Who knows why God is allowing this type of change to happen in our community, I am sure it is a needed change, if it was wrong God would not allow it. This is what God wants and that is why this is happening. Maybe I am weak but God does not want us to have the spirit of fear but of love and of power and of a sound mind, so although I see us fading away into history I will hold on to God's unchanging hands and try not to fear for our future, because we think we are carrying ourselves but God has carried us this far not to leave us.

I will ask God to give me a sound mind in all this, because fear will only bring worry and why worry about a situation I can not change.

Black women are not standby equipment.

There are millions more unattached black women than unattached black men. Deducting from that total those black men unavailable due to substance abuse, unemployment, incarceration, involvement with white women and homosexuality results in a bleak demographic landscape for black women. Black men, certain types, will play their demographic advantage to the hilt by treating many black women as standby equipment. They play the system for what it's worth, and the pool of unattached black women is the system they play.

All too many black men choose to take on the role of sultans on the black social stage, the privileged few among the unattached many!! Black women are their standby-equipment harem girls, from whom they expect appropriate tributes. Being put on standby status means that the polygmaous sultan deems yo to be a harem girl whose services are not required for the moment. To wait on the shelf until his whim deems otherwise. Should the sultan tire of one harem girl, there are plenty more, and not all are black. Sultans cannot uderstand why any harem girl would find fault with their system. Their view is that harem membership is ample reward enough and black women should be gratelful. You have no LEVERAGE over these sultans, because they have no incentive to change. There's nothing to be gained. don't be fooled by the ficticious carrots they dangle to induce black women to pull their social lives along. They offer nothing of substance. SHOULD YOU LIMIT YOUR SOCIALIZING TO CERTAIN TYPES OF BLACK SULTANS, your only rewards will be empty promises and endless reassurances, as far into the future as the eye can see. Black women that make the mistake of taking on the role of standby equipment status leave themselves no choice but to contort their lives to fill the role expectations that go with being a spare tire.

Standby equipment is a role with no room for emotional growth. Do not trim yourself down to suit a sultan's lowly expectations. Standby status is a game you are predestined to lose. Closing your mind to reality in front of you blcoks you from moving beyond standby status. Walk out and find a game with better odds.

Solution to the Shortage of black men:

Millions of white men are interested in dating black women. 57% of single white men are open to dating interracially, compared to 51% of single black women. (Source Washington Post and Jet 10/1995).

White men who have never married, or are divorced, widowed or separated outnumber similarily disposed adult black women more than 3 to 1: 29.2 million white men, compared to 8.4 million black women. There's plenty to go around.

The odds are even better for single black women with associate's, bachelor's or advanced degrees. Single white men with such degrees outnumber similarily disposed black women more than 5 to 1: 7.2 million white men, compared to 1.3 million black women. There's even more to go around for black women with degrees. Remember, almost 60% are open to dating interracially.

*****I'll tell you where many black men are!!....they're living in the SUBURBS with their little white trophy girls and HER family. They're making little self hating mixed babies while they're busy SELF-HATING on themselves.

Hmm... My boyfriend (not black) asked me why most of his black friends were with non-black women. I didn't have an answer for that directly, but I said not all black men date/marry non-black women.

My father was a successful black man... he married my mother, a black woman. My cousin married a black woman, and he turned his life around.. he went from being a 'thug' to a decent man. There are a few other examples I know of personally.

I think black women need to expand their horizons because of the shortage of black men period.
*********************************************

It is time black women started dating out. Out as in interracially out. Out as in dating white, Latino, Asian and Native American men out. Here are a few reasons why I think dating interracially isn’t only an option, it’s a necessity:

Kobe Bryant, Tiger “Cablanasian” Woods, Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, Jason Williams, Scottie Pippen, Cuba Gooding, Quincy Jones (each of the four times he was married), Clarence Thomas (thank goodness), Taye Diggs. All are married to or dating white women. We can’t list the number of brothers in the NBA, the NFL and Major League Baseball who date white women exclusively. There just isn’t enough disk space.

Now imagine if I said Oprah, Halle, Vivica, Jada, Vanessa, Erykah, Lauryn, Whitney, Aretha, Venus and Serena were all married or engaged to white men. Or if I said they only date and marry white men and have no time whatsoever for black men. Imagine if it were true. What would be the response of black men? We all get the picture, and it’s not a good feeling.

The message these men’s dating pattern sends to young black women and black men, as well as the rest of the American public, is that black women are not worthy. They are not beautiful enough; they are not deserving enough.

Interracial dating is all for the good. In the best cases it leads to greater understanding between the races. Let me say this at the outset: I am an interracial dater. My primary criteria are respect, compassion and absolute devotion. The best scenario for humanity is for us to love without regard to race, class or ethnicity.

I have no problem with anyone dating interracially, but what I do consider pathological is the trend wherein many successful black men date and marry only white women. It’s as if having a white woman on one’s arm is a barometer of success for many black men, like winning a playoff ring.

The dating habits of these black men reflect the corrosive effects of slavery on their thinking: The notion that the white woman, the prime jewel in the white man’s crown, is a symbol of status, of achievement, of long-established standards of “beauty.”

It is a sad fact of life that people often attach greater value to things that are desired by others. Right now black men are under the mistaken impression that because black women have refrained from dating interracially in significant numbers, especially since the interracial dating boom in the sixties, the only option available to us is black men. They mistakenly believe that no other group of men desires us. And that if they do want us it is only as an after hour, behind-closed-doors booty call. Of course this is far from the case. Other men have always approached black women.

But because of history and the deleterious effects of slavery, discrimination and racism, we have often been skeptical of their reasons for pursuing us. Understandably, when invited out by white men we wondered if they were just trying to see what it was like with a black girl, if they believed the sex was wilder and more primitive, or if they were motivated by a guilt complex.

Further, the myth, perpetuated by slavery and racism, is that white men don’t see us. Though untrue, this myth makes it harder for us to trust them. The fact is that during slavery, when black humanity was questioned, white men constantly bedded us. It was rape – the assertion of the powerful over the powerless – I agree, but if they desired us when we were deemed the ‘other,’ almost alien, why would they now no longer do so?

It doesn’t make sense. Sure, the efforts of the media, by and large, have been to render the black woman’s beauty, intelligence and desirability invisible, or to make her an unattractive, ball-busting harpy, with strange hair, strange skin, strange ways. But all of that hasn’t stopped white men from wanting us.

In fact, according to US census figures black female-white male marriages have quadrupled in the last decade. There’s a simple reason for this, besides our beauty and intellect: the natural attraction that occurs between human beings given exposure and proximity. Black women are graduating from universities and entering the professional workforce at twice the rate of black men. We are working much more closely with white men. This gives the lie to the black male professional’s excuse that he can’t meet or find black women on his level. More than any other group of women, black female professionals tend to ignore economic disparity when marrying. This also undermines the frequent assertion by black men that black women are more materialistic than white women, and hence unattractive as marrying partners. If we were so materialistic we’d be pursuing and marrying only men on our socio-economic level, frequently white men.

Though the number of black females dating interracially is increasing it is still minimal compared to the number of black men dating and marrying white women. This is because most of us are still suspicious of white men. I say it is time black women stop approaching interracial dating with an inferiority complex; approach it from a position of strength. Believe me, white women do not question why black men desire them. These girls have the ultimate diva complex. We need to take a lesson from them. Believe in our beauty, our intellect and our strength. The same power and instinct we use to weed out the jerks and weirdoes from among black men can be utilized on white, Latino, Asian and Native American men.

Let’s face facts: there is a limited pool of black men. White women have been wandering into our section of the pool for a very long time. It is time we wandered into theirs. There’s no reason to keep the pool color-coded. Jim Crow is dead in the toilets, at the restaurants, and it’s about time it was buried when it comes to dating, sex and marriage.

Until black men see that black women are wanted and desired by other men, until they see that we have options and are not entirely dependent on them for our emotional, spiritual and physical needs, many of them will continue to treat us like second-class citizens, the leftovers at the smorgasbord, the dish that nobody wants.

It is time we black women reasserted our selves. Start dating out. Don’t do it out of revenge. Don’t do it to teach them a lesson. To do so would only cheapen and debase us. Do date out so we can broaden our options and our horizons. Do date out because the human family is a smorgasbord of possibility. Do date out to strengthen our respect from, and our future with, black men. Let’s value ourselves. Let’s free ourselves.

Maxine Smith....free lance author NYC

When someone says, `I can't find a Black woman so I'll get me a White woman;' or if they say, `All Black women are this or that,' that is frequently a rationalization when they actually are seeking out the White person because they feel that Whites are superior."

Social psychologist Dr. Julia Hare says that ironically, these same Black men often are the ones who ostracize Black women when they date White men. And Brothers are incensed by Black women who say they marry White men because Black men don't know how to treat a woman." In addition, many people assume a White man is with a Black woman because of her sexual prowess or that he thinks he owns her. They assume that a White woman is with a Black man because of his sexual prowess, or that he is attracted to her because she represents the "forbidden fruit." Both mindsets reflect our history of being enslaved by Whites.

In reality, say relationship therapists and Black women themselves, many Sisters end up dating and marrying White men because they have difficulty meeting and connecting with Black men. Dr. Hare says many Black women, especially college-educated, professional Black women, believe there is a shortage of Black men on their income and status levels. "Black women marry. White men because they want to make a commitment," says Dr. Hare. "They are maturing and their biological clocks are ticking. They want to find a man who they feel will love them. They realize they have to look elsewhere if they want to start families."

Dr. Hare cautions that Black women and Black men both should not mistakenly think that those of another race can or will love them more or treat them better than those of their own race. She explains that society expects women to "marry up" or better themselves by their choice of husbands. "But a good Black man may not be able to be defined as we define a good White man," explains Dr. Hare. "If the Black man doesn't have the job, financial security and nice home, then we assume he is not a `good Black man.' But that is not fair. We have forgotten about the spiritual qualities that the UPS driver and other blue-collar men may bring to the relationship."

Nadine Kijak of Chicago says she did not marry her husband, Zbigiew (who is Polish) because she could not find a Black man. She married him because of "the friendship, the compatibility, the fact we fell in love."

Nadine met her husband five years ago while waiting for a girlfriend at Michael Jordan's restaurant in Chicago. Four months later he proposed marriage in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. They married and honeymooned at a resort in the Caribbean.

The couple say they have not experienced any negative backlash in Chicago, but they did get some glares and stares when Nadine took her husband to Mississippi to meet her family. "We were sitting in a restaurant in Jackson. We had different dishes, and she was feeding me from her plate, like she usually does," recalls Zbigiew. "All of a sudden all conversation stopped in the restaurant. It was quiet. I said, `Oh, honey, we're the center of attention.' We were holding hands and everything. No one ever said a word; it was just the way they looked at us. It really wasn't nasty though."

Even in Mississippi, times are changing and social taboos are dissipating. But Dr. Poussaint and other relationship experts caution those in or considering interracial marriage to examine their motives and those of their mates. "Couples should examine what they are doing and why they are doing it. In the '60s, White people married Blacks to prove they were not racist. That's not a good reason to get married," says Dr. Poussaint. "Occasionally you still get the rebellious White person who feels the best way to hurt their family is to marry a Black person. And we should not assume that White people are better than or more honest than a Black mate. And others need to examine issues around rejecting partners because they are Black. When someone says, `I can't find a Black woman so I'll get me a White woman;' or if they say, `All Black women are this or that,' that is frequently a rationalization when they actually are seeking out the White person because they feel that Whites are superior."

Self-sabotage is the result of an internalized death wish or an inability to take care of oneself in the world. Some marginalized people destroy themselves out of despair. Some Blacks die in gang wars. Some Native Americans drink themselves to death. Being abused reinforces the death wish since the abuser uses the victim, and does not see the victim as a person in their own right. Abused people begin to believe that the abuse is "their fault," and they punish themselves through self-sabotaging behavior.

People who feel worthless are often shamed by their parents and others. They are told they are not good enough. These people may continue to engage in self-sabotaging behaviors to maintain their shame. This validates that they actual are worthless. Maintaining shame perpetuates the death wish. Shame is almost always related to addictive behavior, suicide, and other forms of self-sabotage.

Colorism, or the practice of placing value on color tones, is a direct result from slavery: the house Negro versus the field Negro, Meeks said, adding that the practice evolved from assimilation into white America. Blacks who worked in the slave owner's home frequently received better treatment than other slaves who toiled in the plantation fields. Often, slaves with lighter skin tone were a result of sexual relations or rape between the slave owner and his female slaves, whose offspring received education and special favors not available to other slaves. Crawford agrees: “No wonder an incredible number of us are still driven to `pass' for European and hide among them.”

Colorism has affected blacks in a variety of ways, from self-hatred to self-affirmation at the expense of other skin tones. The exact number of light-skinned blacks who shed their blackness to pass for white, is a guessing game, yet nonetheless a significant one. Crawford of Morehouse College wrote: “As of the year 1950, the defectors had soared to 12,000 per annum. By 1980 the yearly tally was 17,000. If the number held steady during the 1980s - conceivably it was greater - then during that decade alone, some 170,000 persons abandoned black identity and the black American community. Even a conservative estimate would place those who slipped away to pass for white in the 60 years from 1930 to 1990, at some 630,000

Sassysassy COMMENTS:

I date White men all of the time and I date them because I'm attracted to them as a human being!!!!! Whenever I choose to date a white man, it's not because I am trying to make a black man jealous or because I'm fed up with black men or trying to achieve status. I honestly feel this is usually many black mens excuse for choosing white girls!!!! What kind of true love is that????? I guess the white chicks should wonder a little more about a brothas motives when they are approached by them!!!!! ??? The man that I choose to be with just happens to be the right man at the right time , NO OTHER MOTIVE involved :) and it's that simple and true. TRUE LOVE IS THE BEST!!!!

Black Male ; UNEAK's comments:

I don't want to bash white women at all, many are lovely, HOWEVER I can totally agree with what Darrell Lige said in that letter. Here where I live just outside of Toronto there are a lot of white people and a lot of asian people. So there is a good mix of interracial dating going on between blacks and other races. I have no problem with that at all; find your soul mate and be happy. But my brother for example is 27 yrs old. He will not go near a black woman because he is too frustrated and does not want to put effort into "getting some". So he chooses white women because he can get "things" fast with no hassle. To be honest, I can say that many of my close male friends (regardless of race) just want sex, and the quickest way for them to get it is to date out side their race. And they love to experiment with different races as if there is something different about the sex (???). But then when it comes time to settle down, they go back to their own.

To me there is nothing wrong with dating out side your race. But do it for the right reasons; follow your heart when you are finding a mate. Just like how darrell mentioned his love for black women, I can agree 100% with every word. I never expect others to comprhend that love for black women, just respect it and don't take offence to my preference.

@NuThetaF88, I am glad you posted that. Thanks!

BRNSugarBear comments:

Rilla, I sure feel you about what you have been saying!!! It's because of all the things I went through with black "MEN" that I now have my white king. Not all black men are dating white girls, but I can't seem to tell out HERE!!!! It seems like every single black man in Cali is with a white girl!!!!! So I decided to drop my own Califorina bomb shell!!! It's kind of sad and alarming to see all these regular and not to mentions famous black men with only white women. Sidney Portiers wife, I saw her close up, ewwwww he has an uguly white *** wife. I was shocked when saw her at the Oscars with my man. I look at it like [censored] !!!!, if you can have your white girls, then I am going to have my white king. We'll raise our baby right!!! Oh well !!!! BTW,
my white king says most white girls stink. Just joking....lmao

From: Donmacdaddy
Message-id:

You are sooooo wrong!!!!! There are lots of white guys that find you attractive and actually like that independent streak. I for one have not dated other than black for 6 years and married a very independent, chocolate skinned woman with a 2 boys. We have been married for 2 weeks now but have lived together for 3 years. It took that long to talk her into taking the chance because she had such crappy luck with the black guys in her life. I am the only white guy she ever dated and she would never have gone out with me if I had'nt been so forward with her. I saw her at a convenience store, liked her walk and talk, and asked her out through her sun roof as she was backing up. She said she was too shocked and actually gave her pager number. She finally went out just to see what this crazy *** white dude was all about. Well to make a long story short, we clicked and it has taken me this long to make it official even though she has worn my engagement ring for 2 years. My point is---don't underestimate your appeal and don't be afraid to flirt a little and give the guy some encouragement. Sometimes it's hard to cross that line and all it takes is a little tug. I do know some white guys who just want to sample but you will sniff these guys out real quick. They act self-conscience and are slow to mention there new dates to family members. Watch out for these slimeballs but remember this is not the 50's and good white men are attracted to good black women. I dated a lot of black women[hoochies too] before I met MRS. Right and I got used a few times because I was blinded by outside beauty. I finally found her though and I am so happy. I know some very good black men, but I see more well off players and thugs though. If you want a responsible, stable black man, they're out there, but the competition is stiff. If you just want a good,responsible,loving man then turn up all the stones, not just the black ones.

True Love knows NO colour.

My cousin thinks the same way you do and she is single fair in complexion, long waist length hair.Can you beleive that all the wrong types of black men ask her out, they can't say her hair is fake as many of them claim they can't stand but she run into the ones that like to play with life and are not serious? She refused to bow to their negative requests .

Can you beleive that all of her white friends date and marry black guys? you are right that IS where they all are, if they are not on drugs or incarcirated they are in the arms of non-black women, and it's nothing wrong with that, if that is what makes them happy, I think they should go for it. My cousin has never dated a black male in her life because she said the types of men that seem promising, like the nice type of educated black male, actively seek non-black women prefferabbly white. So she never gave it a second thought she ran to be in the arms of a white male. Truly color doesn't matter it 's quality of the person's heart.

We are females too we are not unchosen m but we choose not to date non-black, but I think we should chose other men who are available regardless of color, why should we be the only ones going MANLESS & WAITING for black men that are not available to us.

I think the younger generation of black women will do as my cousin , never dating a black male, because they already know what the black man will do ,Play Games. Why sit by and let them play with us .

Just because a man is black doesn't mean he will like black women, and just because a man is white does not mean he is not interested in black women.

Your theory has been very enlightening to me and to others as well, I'm sure.

God Bless You
Thanks morenaseis

:toast:

>>>>My cousin thinks the same way you do and she is single fair in complexion, long waist length hair.Can you beleive that all the wrong types of black men ask her out, they can't say her hair is fake as many of them claim they can't stand but she run into the ones that like to play with life and are not serious?>>>>>>>>>
************************************************** **

Luckily your cousin has figured it out in time. It took my enitre twenties before I figured it out. Many (not all) black men were with me because I was "close enough to white"!! It was inconceivable to me, that a man I perceived as so beautiful could actually look at me and see his reflection. Since I was a reflection of him (black), he could never give me what I needed since he hated his own reflection. I personally "feel" my race (unlike many of the new NEO biracials raised by these "self hating" men and their scared delusional white wives) and it knocks me out to see black men run over beautiful black women for a white woman. I have seen black men overseas, leave the side of stunning professional black women for the first bruised and skinny white prostitute they could find. Oh, and don't go to Canada with a group of black men, they lose their minds!!

I truly believe that the white woman is not the problem. She should be pitied since she (in many cases) is gaining an emtpy pit of a man that hates his own skin color. He is a man that is using her as a piece of status and as a tophy (I know, I can relate!).

I had an Asian friend ask me "why do I not see black men date black women??"....LOL. I was floored and didn't know what to say at first!!!

I was at an establishment not too long ago and a very nice looking black man sat next to me. He immediatley started telling me why he didn't like dating BLACK WOMEN!!! I guess he ASSUMED I was latin...lol....Assumption being the lowest form of intelligence, he was quickly dismissed and I had a bad taste in my mouth. If any of the white men I ever dated, would ever dog his entire race of women, he would have been dumped in a fat second.

Anyway, I don't believe in excluding black men, but black women NEED to open up their options!! Black men are not waiting for them.

Cya,

mseis

:eek:
I'd have to say that I don't like the idea of interracial relationship, though I am not in control of the men and women who indulge in this practice. I feel as though only a Black man is able to understand the strife that I face being on a daily. If I'm married to a White man and I have a hard day on my job due to some racial issues, I don't think that I could come home and my White husband understand totally what I am feeling. There is too much having to explain the situation there. On the other hand, if this were a Black man that I was married to he would need no breaking it down for him, for he already knows what I'm going through.

Although I would love to see more Black on Black love, I cannot control the masses...what a **** shame!

I am a product of an interratial marriage. I don't look mixed, I look black. I don't have "good" hair, so for the most part people always say something when they see my white parent.

I love black men. I've tried being with a white man (two in fact) and it's definitely a different experience. White people don't smell the same as us because of the different types of foods they eat along with skin care, hair care, etc. They also haven't experienced the same issues so relating to us is a little difficult.

When I see people of different races together, it upsets me because they never think of the children they may have and how it will effect them. I choose to date within my race so that my children will not be confused about what they are nor will they be subject to critizisim that society will inflict.

People in interratial relationships need to get a grip and stop being so selfish. If you have children they will grow up with issues from not being accepted by either race.

An AOL website claims that most white females that make over 50K a year don't want to date black men. That's probably true, but I'm not particularly surprised or concerned. As a black woman, I'm more concerned with black men who refuse to date other black women.

Is love blind?

A few years ago, I met a very attractive, articulate, professional black man at a charity event. I was so excited to meet him that night that I even added a comment about him during the speech I gave later that evening.

Following the speech, I eagerly approached him at his table. He smiled and we talked for a moment before he politely introduced me to his girlfriend. I was disappointed that he was involved in a relationship, and to be honest, I was even more disappointed that his partner was a very, very average looking white woman.

Despite my disappointment, we exchanged business cards and agreed to stay in touch, which we did. Over the years, my new friend told me about the difficulties of his relationship. His girlfriend apparently had repeatedly cheated on him, which actually surprised me. From my perspective, the girlfrien definintley had the better end of the deal. She had no reason to be cheating on my friend.

For the life of me, I could not understand why my friend was so upset about the end of this relationship. From my narrow perspective, he should have been happy to be free to find a better partner. But love doesn't let go easily. My friend was heartbroken, and I was confused.

I had tried to make my friend into something he wasn't. I had wanted him to date black women also, like himself, but he seemed so uninterested. I had learned something new about interracial dating. Some black men simply aren't interested in other black women.

Another friend, a successful black professional, often complained to me that he could not find black women of his "caliber." Black women, he said, were often loud and difficult and uneducated with 2 or 3 children. After searching for a year or two, he settled down in a relationship with a white woman who worked as a nurses assistant. It seems my friend was actually less interested in his partner's caliber than in his race.

Why couldn't he just tell the truth? He did not want to date a black women!! He wanted a white woman instead. To catch his eye, a black woman would have to be twice as gorgeous and twice as successful as an average white woman!!!

A sensitive issue

Although some would prefer to sweep the issue under the rug, interracial dating is still a very controversial subject in the black community. Yet anyone who dares to question almost any form of interracial dating is immediately challenged, criticized and dismissed by the "PC police." Those involved in interracial relationships are often the most sensitive about the issue when questions are raised.

For the record, I think adults should be free to date whoever they want. I have dated a virtual rainbow coalition of men in my life, including blacks, whites, Latinos and Asian-Americans. Today I prefer white men, but I would not entirely rule out the possibility of dating someone of my own race.

Interracial dating doesn't bother me. Nor am I bothered by segregated dating, as when whites prefer other whites or blacks prefer other blacks. I think this is a natural extension of our comfort levels with people like ourselves. Nevertheless, such preferences — particularly when they become absolute exclusions — could reflect some level of sel loathing.

Why do we exclude our own?

What does concern me is when black men consciously choose not to date other black women. I can understand when a black man dates outside of his race. I cannot understand when a black man refuses to date within his race. Such exclusion, it seems to me, is rooted in deep self hatred.

A few years ago I met an attractive black man in Los Angeles. "I usually don't date black women," he told me, "but I find you intriguing." I guess he thought I should be flattered, but instead I was disturbed. Rather than see me as his equal, he saw me as some sort of scientific oddity.

Of course there are intelligent black women out there. Anear black men announce they've "given up on black women!!!" after an unsuccessful relationship. "Black men have too many issues," one white woman told me.

All relationships have issues. In fact, interracial relationships must often navigate through difficult questions of racial comfort and sincerity that don't appear in most same-race relationships. In interracial dating, we often find ourselves asking, "Does this person see beyond my race or will he show his true colors when the chips are down?"

Whatever issues white men face, self hatred is not one of them when it comes to their racial identity. That's why I'm more concerned about black men excluding other blacks than I am about white men excluding other whites from their respective dating pools.

In a culture that devalues black males and elevates white males, it is not likely that white male racial self-exclusion is rooted in self hatred than it would be with black males. After all, white men have no reason to hate themselves in a society that reinforces their privilege. Black men, on the other hand, are repeatedly assaulted by messages that communicate our alleged inferiority.

Let's face it — why should I chase somebody who doesn't want me? I have no interest in spending my time trying to get a prejudiced black man to look at me in a bar . I'd rather spend my time talking to that cute, intelligent white man. A man that doesn't see my color as a stepping stone to ill perceived status!!

you are dropping so much knowleged sister you need to write a book, why should we as black females be punished by our own men, and their insecurities, by remaining unchosen and pick over by them, if we are not picture perfect, they are gone out of the picture of our lives.

monesis you said:In a culture that devalues black males and elevates white males, it is not likely that white male racial self-exclusion is rooted in self hatred than it would be with black males. After all, white men have no reason to hate themselves in a society that reinforces their privilege. Black men, on the other hand, are repeatedly assaulted by messages that communicate our alleged inferiority.

Let's face it — why should I chase somebody who doesn't want me? I say AMEN

I have no interest in spending my time trying to get a prejudiced black man to look at me in a bar . AMEN!!

I'd rather spend my time talking to that cute, intelligent white man. If the black man don't want black,black have to get back and find someone who does...

A man that doesn't see my color as a stepping stone to ill perceived status!! Wow that would be very sad, and sounds like usery and they really would not love you, but love what they think you can accomplish.

Girl you need to publish QUICK!!!

I know as well as any woman how hard it can be to find the right mate- you know, one with ambition, a good job, an interest in women and a legible road map to a woman’s “G” spot. But honestly, how hard can it be for white women? Let’s face it, being in the majority does have its advantages. If four attractive, well-connected white women are having a hard time lassoing love in a mega metropolis like NYC, you know it’s tight on sisters. Given these grim statistics one might ask a sister, “where are the best places to find single, black man?” I read the other day that Home Depot has become the new, meat market for white folks. It’s pegged as a great place to find home-owning mates who know their way around a dry wall. I was there the other day and was surprised to see an attractive brother in the appropriate age-range (see above paragraph) saunter onto my aisle. I was shopping for a new air filter for my heating system and asked his opinion. No, it wasn’t a front, I was genuinely in need of help. He was helpful, but seemed a little afraid to make eye contact. Either he was blinded by my beauty or he had a sister lurking in the wings with a pocket-sized frying pan. Where are the best spots to find available black men in your city?
Our biggest problem is that there isn’t a whole heck of a lot for us to choose from. Census Bureau statistics show that in 1994, African Americans made up only 12.7 percent of the U.S. population. About 5.5 percent of that are male and of that, it appears that about 4 percent are single or otherwise available. If you are like me, a 30-something woman who dates within the age range of 33-39, that takes the number of available men down to about 3 percent. Now, here’s where it gets tricky: I’m a college-educated woman with a pretty good career, so naturally my first instinct is to look for someone with a similar life experience. If you’re looking for a college educated black man, age 33-39- the percentage is probably no more than 2.5%. An educated black man with a successful career (and I’m fudging here) probably 1.5 percent. An educated black man with a successful career who is heterosexual –maybe 1 percent.

So, let’s say I’m a sister looking for love among 1 percent of the population. Most of this 1 percent can be found in cities and surrounding suburbs with large black populations like Chicago, Atlanta, Washington, D.C., New York, Oakland and Detroit. So what are my chances of finding a single, 33-39-year-old, heterosexual, college educated, successful black man in my area? About .16 percent. Yes, that’s one sixth of one percent.

NOW- what are my chances of finding all of this in a man who is ALSO kind, honest, mature, non-commitment phobic and with whom I’m compatible? Uh…you do the math. All I can say is that if they were to do an African American version of HBO’s quintessential chick flick, it would have to be called “Sexless in the City.”

Written by a friend of mine!!!!

>>>you are dropping so much knowleged sister you need to write a book, why should we as black females be punished by our own men, and their insecurities, by remaining unchosen and pick over by them, if we are not picture perfect, they are gone out of the picture of our lives. >>>>

You know, the sad part about this is the fact that even if we are "picture" perfect" as black women, it doesn't matter!!! The issue is not that "these" black men "hate" black women. The issue is that they hate themselves!! They see their "reflection" in black women, a reflection they can't stand. A reflection of their "blackness". It took me years to figure this out. I, someone who "feels" her race, could never concieve that these "black MEN" that I loved sooooo much would NOT like their OWN skin color. It was absolutely stuning to me. I remeber being baffled as a child living overeseas on military bases. I would see professional black female medics, electricians, air controllers, security officers, crypto technicians dateless...no dates....I would see black men marrying the first bruised and toothless white H o that they came across. Many actually married these women and sad to say, the only prerequisite was that they be white!!!! NOT all of course...but enough to make you go hmmmmm??

This kind of reminds me of Jesus Morenisis because he wanted to be recieved by the Jews whom he loved so much, and they not only hated on him but they spit on him,got a whip made of glass and rocks and beat upon him ,mocked him. He was less than city trash to them. He was one of them a born JEW, but who recived him better? Whether he washed his hands or not, sit in the seat next to the sinner or not, raised the dead or not, saw him in all his perfections, mking provisions to feed many with only a few baskets of fish and bread, oh just like black women he was a provider for his diciples and many others who were in need, he had an open kitchen with little or no help. Out of all those mircles he was despised by his own. Like black women are hated and despised by our own. We get married have thier children and they leave us and expect us to be strong , mentally , financially sexually, and spiritually. They leave and say hold the fort down "til" I come back. Sadly many have never return from their escapade of new found freedom, leaving us as sole provider for all the bills , health care for children, financial care and etc. , With no help they then began to curse us and say: Oh you have fake hair, you fuss too much, your too independant. But the real problem is that we are too black. It is ashamed for a WHITE man to come in and show a BLACK man how to love his own, but black men do not appreciate the beauty of a black woman, but White men Latino men and other men from all over internationally knows the beauty of black women and can appreciate our beauty and just because they love us does not make them hate their own. It is possible for them to love all instead of having a one track mind and say like many black men do " I don't want no black B_ _ _ h all she does is this or that" They stereotype us and want us to rid our children just as if we had children from an alien but the majority of black women that are left with children come from both black parents, they act as if the black women has gone with an alien and they don't want to be seen in publeic with her and ehr 3 alien (from outer space)children. They act as if we are freaks because we did not have have abortions and we are punished for not giving our children away to foster care. If every black female gave away every child she had or aborted all of them, they would just make up another excuse because they just do not love us anymore ,we would still be hated by them.

What did Jesus do when his own no longer recieved him?
He did not beg the JEWS he lfet them alone and went to the ones who was interested in him, I aint going out beggin for no black man to hold my hands no more, if they don't want me then I don't care, it's good to go for who like you because whites guys are as fine as black men, oh well!!!

I adore REAL black men. And they love me too. They are friends, family, and heros who are NEVER haunted by the truths that I pen, because they live as shining exceptions to them. To those brothers who are my enemies, whom I disrespect and loathe with passion and glee: If the shoes that you find herein fit you, then lace them up and STEP OFF!!!

For every single mother, there are MORE absent fathers! For every exhausted grandmother, forced to rear her grandchildren, left by the selfish, abusive, incarcerated, there are MORE grandfathers who have been absent for DECADES! For every Black woman who dates white men, there are FAR MORE brothers who date white women exclusively. Whoopi Goldberg is bashed for dating rich white men, while O. J. Simpson is praised as some hero for marrying (and murdering) a teen-aged waitress who was a high school dropout.

I adore REAL black men. And they love me too. They are friends, family, and heros who are NEVER haunted by the truths that I pen, because they live as shining exceptions to them. To those brothers who are my enemies, whom I disrespect and loathe with passion and glee: If the shoes that you find herein fit you, then lace them up and STEP OFF!!!

They saw Black men get power and uphold the white man's concept of beauty, while denigrating the natural Black woman as unattractive or second..........

Does their 'GOD' find fault with the many ills affecting the Black community because of ruthless, stupid behavior by Black males. Indeed, he bypasses the fact that Black males colloborated with the original white devil, slaveholders in getting his own woman, in shackles and brought to the white man's midst. Of course, not all Black males participated in this ultimate betrayal, but enough did, that Africa was left decimated. Not only that, but once the Black woman was on the shores of Amerikk, there are many incidents recorded where the Black male, who was promoted to overseer, in some cases, would himself sexually harass and violate the Black woman, so much so, that she would run away to get away from such cruelty. One recorded incident shows the Black woman, living in the woods, among alligators, snakes, and other vicious animals, for fear of her well-being, by Black males, if she returned. Her death would have been on such black males head.

Some black males, have beaten, violated, oppressed, killed Black women, yet certain religious segments, speaking of 'nation time' have only heard the voice of God, make specific laws against Black women, while making no exceptional 'mule' laws against Black males who have brought drugs into the community, systematically killing one another, betray one another, refuse to educate themselves, steal, kill and destroy from innocent Black men, women and children, Their SO-CALLED GOD, ignores the greater evil, to CURSE THE BLACK WOMAN AS A BETRAYER TO THE BLACK MAN FOR TRYING TO BETTER HER FAMILY AND HERSELF. Such Black women, when not seeing the above mentioned on-going atrocities, saw Black men prefer the white woman, or those closest to white, while denigrating the natural hued Black woman. They saw, Black men get power and uphold the white man's concept of beauty, while denigrating the natural Black woman as unattractive or second class. They saw this and many other evils, and their reaction was to better themselves, by educating themselves, and working but the Black male segment who embraces this demonic ideology saw, and sees, their efforts as BETRAYAL OF THE BLACK MAN.

This dangerous, brutal, savage, mentality that embraces such ideology is set to destroy the Black woman. Such organizations and individuals who embrace such evil, will be quick to cry 'Black power' and "I'm against the MAN for mistreating my woman', but that ideology shows that they are mistreating their women by so embracing it. 'A nation's rise to greatness, depends on how it treats its women' and if you believe your 'woman' if you will, is responsible for your sorry plight, you cannot very well, love, or respect that woman, rather you hate that woman.' Hence, if you hate the woman, you cannot rise to prominence for you do not have the wherewithal to protect, respect, and uplift the woman.

Oh, I could go on and on, with the affects of dangerous ideology on the mindset of warped, confused, colored boys, who are not fit to be called Black. These overgrown brutes do nothing but show themselves ultimate losers, who cannot think a rational thought to save their lives, and since, we see rampant self-afflicted death via gang bangings, and the such, we know that the ilk has allowed the white devil to keep them enslaved brutes to their godless will. Hence, the fight for liberation that goes on by righteous Black women, must arise and not only oppose the white devil, but these wounded brutes, who are hell-bent on hating and destroying the Black woman. They weren't or aren't man or wise enough to stand up to the white devil, so like the ultimate, cowardly, weaklings that they have been turned into by their white masters, they show themselves so, in promoting such ill doctrine against the one person who would see them do well, if they act righteous, the AWESOME BLACK WOMAN! So be it, awesome Black woman, FIGHT THE ENEMY WITHIN AND WITHOUT FOR THE DIVINE REMAINS WITH YOU ALONE, AS ALWAYS!!!!!

Well now this is always interesting.....

I will date any other race of men, but WHITES (including all those of any European ancestry). There is no way in hell! Why would I date the most inherently evil race upon the planet that have committed heinous sins and atrocities against not only my people, but others of the world as well. There are so many more reasons I could expound upon as well--but that one is enough for me to say -NO! Besides my BEAUTIFUL, BOLD BLACK BROTHERS ARE THE ONLY GODS I NEED!

What bothers me sometimes is that often people try to prejudge the intentions of another or analyse them and judge their choices upon who they date.

I think everyone should feel free to date who they want, I certainly do not pass judgement on the dating choices of other people. Who they choose is entirely up to them, I just wish everyone can be happy and have peace in themselves.

I will not divulge or justify who I date but the most essential element to me is the heart. I look at the heart of the man if it is good then he does truly deserve to be your King and treated as such.

Where there are cultural differences yes it does require more patience and tolerance, however I feel with love these issues can be overcome. Everyone should just feel free to date and love a person from whichever race they want to and be happy.

peace to everyone

Well stated Empathy!

For me love is where it is. If you like someone from a different race then why not be with them.We always need to grow and to see humans as humans is a way to start. Also I think that you have to ask yourself why are you there for instance I have heard that "sorry" battle that white girls are dumb so that why black guys are with them, or black women want a man to treat them right so they date outside there race. Overall date who you feel is right for you As india irei you know the truth by the way it feels live it.

I was just asking myself when I think of interacial dating I think of black and white.

I never have and doubt that I ever will date a man that is not a Black Man. So much of what makes me me has been shaped and molded by my experience and knowledge of what it means to be a Black Woman. My world view, what I find attractive, how I decorate my home, what I wear and how I wear it, what I eat and how I prepare it, what I drink and how I 'take' it have roots (not all but for most cases) in an African community. This is not to say, that I'm not well versed and cannot appreciate other cultures, but it is to say that when it comes to the most intimate of intimate relationships, I must choose a brother who looks like me, loves me for me and my African culture and hertigate and, most importantly, who I don't have to justify or explain my core to because he has lived it and loves it as much as i do!

There is nothing wrong with interracial dating. I believe that many people participate in interracial dating for the wrong reasons. If a person dates outside the race and defends their actions by saying that there are NO quality partners to be found ; then I think that the person should do some soul-searching to rid themselves of that ignorant thought. The bottom line is, people are people. Color doesn't count, personality does. But if a person dates their race exclusively, all power to them.

WOW! WATS WRONG WITH U PEOPLE???? How can u say all this when ur fighting for equality? Im not a biased kid, I say that beauty is beauty no matter wat color it is. If i liked a white/asian/hispanic or watever girl, then I wouldnt say "Power 2 the People, stay back" then wat could i say if i hear a girl from another race say "I think he's cute, but he's just sooo....black"? How are u going to show them that we are not only is our skin beautiful, but our minds are too when we're isolating ourselves??? Plus, half black people are usually beautiful: Look at Russel Simmons' wife, Mariah Carey, or Amerie.
Thats my opinion.

Now now Fifty, calm down. You've been here a hot minute and you're already getting your blood pressure up. By the way, welcome and thanks for sharing your opinion. :)

I don't think there's anything "wrong" with people here. We've just expressed how diverse we are in our thinking, which all stems from the different experiences we've had in our lives.

We've been influenced by different things and different situations. We make choices because of how we think and feel. Everyone has the right to choose whomever they want to spend intimate time with and it's good that some are showing that they give a lot of thought to it instead of just rambling around blindly. Even though we may not see eye to eye on our reasons for choosing our friends or partners, it isn't a bad thing unless there's something psychotic about those reasons.

Because we can now choose whomever we want to be with it makes life interesting and exciting because finally, we can make these choices. There was a time when we couldn't.

So for whatever reasons we have posted that reflect our thoughts on the topic, I wish everyone well in their pursuit of love, happiness and tranquility.

when I see a black man with a women outside of his race, I feel a little uncomfortable. I think that he,s ashamed of his race and
sending a message out that black women are not suitable partners. But as I step back to evaluate the situation in most cases I find that to be true,However, on the other hand we can't help who we fall in love with. One never knows the destiny of their fate until they are face to face with the situation. So I have to believe that each individual have a born right to make their on decisions about their mate. As my decision is to stand steadfast to my black man. I've met some interracial couples and their love is indeed magical as well as beautiful.

My mother is black and my father is white. They love each other so much and I resulted. Love shouldn't be political. Love is Love.

I think people are people no matter what color or shade, size or shape,some are bad and some are not in all races not just one. C'mon people let's be real with each other.

We are all the same there is no difference in whites and in blacks and if you think you are different than you will be different, the bible even says what ever a man think so is he.

Well.....

I am the result of an interracial couple..... But... I can't see myself dating an asian man.... I'm not even open to it....

Everyone has their likes and dislikes.....if you like/love someone... love them.... if you don't like them.... avoid them..... if they are white, black, asian or whatever..... No one chose to be black or chose to be white.....

that is just my opinion.... :D

I have no problem with interratial dating...as long as it is for love, not for stereotypes example:
black Men = big dyck, Mandingo,
White Women= money, submissive, long hair, dont complain like black women
black women= animalistic, uncontrollable, attitudinal,
white men= money, getting over on
asian women= submissiveness, geisha girl
latin men= lotharios, latin lovers
latin women= exotic, eye candy, "ay papi" attitude
IF YOU OPEN TO LOVE ALL RACES REGARDLESS OF STEREOTYPES, HECK, WHO AM I TO JUDGE? BUT IF YOU EXCLUDE WHO YOU DATE AND LOVE BASED ON PERCEIVED STEREOTYPES OF OTHER RACES OR BECAUSE YOU DATED A FEW OF YOUR OWN KIND AND THOSE BAD APPLES SPOILED THE WHOLE BUNCH IN YOUR OPINION...THEN YOU HAVENT TRIED HARD ENOUGH! DANG! BLACK MEN: UNTIL YOU DATE EVERY BLACK WOMEN ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH AND YOU STILL SAY WE COMPLAIN TOO MUCH OR ARE GOLDDIGGERS OR ALL THAT OTHER ISH YA'LL LIKE TO ACCUSE US OF, THEN STEP! BECAUSE WHITE WOMEN ARE GETTING SMART AND THEY AREN'T GONNA TOLERATE YA'LL SORRY BUTTS ANYMORE

One day I saw a 60+ year old white woman attached to a 45 year old brother, when the brother saw me in their view he snatched his arm away from her grasp, clearly he was ashamed of their relationship. When I took a second, more focused, look at them I realized I was not comfortable with their realtionship, I felt it was ugly -- that feeling was straight from the gut.

Now, as for the issue of interracial relationships, generally, the above matter notwithstanding, I have no major complaint about it, in fact the children produced from such unions often bridge a visual, and cultual gap between the races. I see value there.

As for my personal preference, Black is the only way for me.

@ big ned69 that is a shame but some people actually feel that way about us and it's mostly our own men, other men do not see us like that.

"black women= animalistic, uncontrollable, attitudinal",


@Azn-Sunshine, do you wish to express why you would never date an asian man?

I have nothing against asian men..... I'm just not sttracted to them..... *shrugs

They are actually very sweet, know how to treat a lady like a lady, I am having the best time of my life. I have never had so much fun, we really enjoy being together .

I mean..... I'm not dissing you for dating an asian man....If you are happy... I think it's beautiful..... I'm just not open to dating asian men...... that's just me.

Thanks for saying it is beautiful because when we are out I look at us in the mirror, I think we look like a cute couple too. Thanks for the compliment AZN Sunshine.:toast:

Azn-Sunshine,
I can understand you not being attracted to asian men. I used to think that they were less "masculine" because they were usually shorter/smaller than me. And the media only makes them out to be nerds. Anyway there are so many fine asian men at my univ. and they are sooo nice.

i have to agree w/ bigned69.....if for love then cool, but if not then i consider u a sellout. i myself have dated outside the "boundaries" and it was an experience that i would not take back for the world. i guess i am more accepting of it b/c my older brother never had preferences on who he dated(white, mexican, black, asian). it just didn't matter. and b/c of that i have a niece and 2 nephews that are Guatemalan and Black. and they r beautiful and much loved just as much as my other nieces and nephews that r Black. if the love is there don't deny it b/c u just might be missing out on the greatest gift that GOD is offering.

It is quite understandable to want to stick with your people, but still I don’t see it as wrong or bad to marry out… perhaps not the ideal but as long as you love each other … race or nationally shouldn’t matter that much. As an African, my ideal partner would be someone from my country … even better my ethnic group… but at the end of the day if I can live happily with someone else from outside my culture then it is fine by me.

As an outsider, I don’t see much difference between white and African (black) American… sorry I don’t mean any harm… so don’t be so fast to pick up your axes

I don’t also mean to intrude in your space but I find your forum interesting … I hope you don’t mind me budging in

^5 LOL they are beautiful outside and in

I personally couldn't do it, but to each their own. It used to piss me off no doubt, but if it's wrong...everyone will have their day. It's unfortunate, but it's reality at the moment...(i don't believe that's coming out of my militant ***)

Well this is always a touchy subject for most. Considering that I'm French, Indian, black and yes some white somewhere mixed in with that, should I dislike part of myself? We are not all 100% anything and looking at the way the world is today it doesn't look like we'll stop it from occuring. We need to evaluate ourselves. I think that what makes us not want to deal with it is that we don't know how. Yes it was hard back in the day but this is today so we have to live in the now. It's funny when people see me becasue they try to figure out what I have in me, they see my name and try to figure out where it came from. I can reply to all of that I came from God and I have his spirit in me that is my race! We all have to do what we do and be happy with that.

I say don't do it. First I'm gonna assume that its dating between a black person and a white person, although it could be between other racials groups also. Considering the global impact of white privilege/white supremacy, to me interracial dating seems like a dead end street. Simply because the white person deep down will not respect u although he/she will appear to have respect for u. However, since this white supremacy thinking has been drilled into their minds since birth, there is absolutely no way that this person will ever consider u an equal..

Although u might have been duped in thinking that he/she does not see your color, but only see "who u are on the inside", the white person in his/herself knows otherwise..So I say again, leave it alone, don't do it! White people only look at Blacks as sexual objects and that is the only reason why I think a white person would ever want a "relationship" with a blackman or woman. Their racism is still imbedded on the inside although they will try their hardest to convince u otherwise...

I have never dated outside of my race, since I'm now married to a black woman it's safe to say I never will. I have made this choice for political reasons and practical reasons (I don't find white women in particular that attractive). While I don't support inter-racial dating, I think we as a people concentrate (obsess) too much on the issue. One particular incident brought this to my attention.

Almost 2 months ago my wife's best friend, who is a white woman from Spain came to visit. We were all walking in a mall in Baltimore, with my daughter being held between the three of us. Literally every where we went, we kept getting dirty looks from sistas who apparently assumed I was with the white woman, and that my daughter was mixed (this happened at IHOP as well). It was my wife who pointed out the dirty looks that we were receiving, so I know it wasn't my imagination. At one point it looked like three women were going to step to us, until 2 of them finally called the 3rd one back. I was waiting for them to come, so I could tell them I was married to the black woman and that my daughter isn't mixed. She is lightskinned; however, so am I, and she has a fro like Angela Davis. Not that it would have been any of their business to begin with.

That is the conclusion I drew from that episode. It was amazing, I have never, and I mean never received that type of attention from sistas before. That I could literally turn the head of every black woman in the mall. Not when I'm walking with my wife, certainly not when I was single. It took the belief that I was with a white woman to get that attention. What is the point? Even if I was with the white woman, I would have been unavailable to the woman who were looking at me with jealousy and loathing. Why waste your time with a man who is not available to you?

So in conclusion, while I still do not support inter-racial dating I will never again obsess over it. I have better things to do (including making my beautiful African woman happy). I think we as a people should concentrate instead on those that date within the race, or expand our options with looking to date black people from other countries (see my dating across the Diaspora thread on the PanAfrican forum).

Beware of the caucazoid female who dates only Ebony men. That is the caucazoid who perceives Ebony men through the lens of her most racist ancestors, who lusted sexually after Afrikhans because it seemed taboo (because Afrikhans were thought of in the same way as animals--horses, dogs, etc.).

I don't think so. The analysis of this has gone way into other areas of love. Did anyone mention love?

How sad that we are to be kept in boxes of other peoples thoughts. What is right or wrong? What would the neighbors think... she is his trophy... ?? He is hers??

Wow, why don't you just pick apart love to death?

There are barriors that all people have to overcome, regardess of color... man and woman in marriages that fail... Do you really think it would be race?

There was a lot of hate goin' on here... some in between the lines. With some of these attitudes, I don't have to wonder why races never meet in the middle...

Hopefully, people loving someone of a different color.... will be viewed as just love... someday.

Cindy
You should be aware that white people live in a different world than non white(blacks, hispanics, native americans etc..)therefore they have a difference experience. For one they have skin priveledge because of who they are . Whether you like it or not America, wait my mistake, in fact this world is based on a system of white supremacy, I thought you knew that? Therefore, this entire world caters to white people. On second thought I'm not a least bit suprised that the statement was made, in fact it was expected.
Peace Cindy

Being white... I have had to struggle for everything that I have. Should I blame this on being married to the two black men that I have been married to? Or, should I blame the fact that my marriages went bad because I am a white supremacist?
From personal experience, my marriages did not fail because of race, they failed because of the issues between men and women. Until you are in a unconditional love... inter racial marriage... you would never see what I mean. You may just have to have the experience before you can cast the stone. I see people struggle with getting jobs everyday... I try to help them... and I do know that there is a lot of white supremacy out there... I am not ignoring it. But then, I thought that we were talking about love... I didn't think that love had a color.
I love people unconditionally... unless they are *zzhole. I have found them in every color.
This is 2003... are we going to live by past standards? This is like a person that I know who will not let go of my past mistakes... the fact that we broke up and I dated... then we were married later... 10 years later... I still hear about the person that I had dated. Wrong. And what did this do? It tore up our marriage.... Made it too hurtful for me to stay with him. Funny thing, I never complained constantly about him hitting me...
It is called forgive and forget. You may think me stupid...but I have a high regard for marriage and also my husband. I know what made me uncomfortable ... I know that I can't live with things thrown in my face that are long in the past.
I don't expect anyone to understand me... all I am saying is if two people love each other... who will cast the first stone at them?
Is it for anyone of us to judge anyone?

If my father and mother didn't do that I would never have been born!
And i love being a hafbreed; you can dismiss everything you don't like in both cultures and take on anything you like.
(My father is from india and my mother is from suriname)
I hope you are not offended by my presence here, because you really seem to have strong opinions about inter racial mixing or is that just about the mixing of black/white????

I say love has all colors and if that man is white, black, or purple..go for it.. F the bull

Cindy said:This is 2003... are we going to live by past standards?


Cindy the past is the past and can not be erased, the system today is built on the standards of the past, for instance black will loose thier rights to vote in the year of 2007 we have to resubmit and partion for us to regain the rights to vote. Interracial daters are not the cause of this at all.

I am interracially dating at this time and it does not seem like I am, because I see him as a person that I love, he sees me the same way and I feel such comfort and feel so loved now that I am with him. The black race has lost thier hold in community togetherness a long time ago, now the black community is fading toward non existance. You will not have to worry about interracial dating too much longer because every one will know great people who has a significant other that is not the same race, and it matters how they get along , not at the stares they receive. If someone does not like how you look as a couple that is thier problem, and this is your life and you have to do what makes you and your mate happy. Don't let the bias's of others stop your love, enjoy yourself we only have one life to live here on earth and God meant for people to be people and we are to love each other, despite of race/color/creed...

"The black race has lost thier hold in community togetherness a long time ago, now the black community is fading toward non existance"


Do you really think that will happen? I really really hope it doesnt'.
But if it does we only have ourselves to blame.
Sometimes it seems that bp can love everyone but eachother.
I hope I never (willingly or not) contribute to this non-existance you speak of.:cry: :puke:

When I was growing up my Mom would always say,"Don't bring home no white man." So i never dated outside of my race until I met my husband. I was very hestitate to get into a relationship with but once I did the sparks flew. He treated be the way I wanted to be treated. It had nothing to do with color.:heart:

I have contributed to the fade because I finally found someone who love me back:love: , I searched for years and refused to look else where, it's like staying in one town, and never leaving that small town , a town that does not have enough water for me, every one else seem to get water but me, I am thirsty and condemed for choosing the only available water(Mookie) which is nasty water and you know it, but it's the only one available to you , I wait for years but I'm thirsty now and hear from others that there are cities running with water, good water (non-mookie)and when you leave that little town you realize that there are cities, mountains , oceans, jungles, swamps, I found that there are many different flavors of water like , spring, distilled, carbonated, cherry and etc. but it all serves the same purpose to quech your thirst, plus lots of entertainment that God had made for us to enjoy, why miss out on love for the support of a race that is already lost love for one another, loss love did not start with me, but the end result leave so many black women alone , I am sure I can contribute to the black race by doing something more than climbing in the bed with a black man to keep our race strong, there are other things I can do to contribute,because the availability of brothers are so few now days. One day I just decided to give it a try, and a different flavor happens to be the love of my life and he is the best relationship I have ever had in my entire life, I finally found someone to love me back. I was tired of being thirsty for love and my thirst is finally quenched in the arms of a different flavor of water. In the black race there are plenty of Non Mookie's out there I just was not lucky enough to run into any non-mookie's and decided to try a different flavor this time , and cupid.:heart: bent back his bow and let the arrow go as Sam Cooke sang. If only mookie is available to me why should I wait till I rot, no way I want to enjoy the love of a fresh love instead of rejecting love because of the package it's wrapped in.

@Abisha

I am happy for you, really I am.
But I just refuse to believe that God brought us here so we could vanish because some of us" lost love for one another"
I know there are plenty of black people that love one another and once they bagin to teach their kids to love their beautiful black selves we will be better off.:)

You are correct GOD does not do any of the evils that are about these days, we are a people that are at fault for our own failures in this generation, all we have left to do is to teach our own children because the community as a whole has lost it's hold on the youth long ago, the youth are basically lost and looking for gudiance for a community that is no longer there. Of course blacks love each other but togetherness has gone down the drain many moons ago, and the true contributor to the fade is when we as a community lost togetherness and the blame is not on me, and I am not God and refuse to carry the weight of a community by staying with my own, if I stay with my own that means I will stay lonely and loveless, why pass up a love that loves you back, to fight for a cause that no longer exist?

"The black race has lost thier hold in community togetherness a long time ago, now the black community is fading toward non existance"

hmmmm.....Abisha I'm not sure where you're getting your information ,but Black folks ain't going nowhere, despite the lack of "community togetherness". We(Black/Afrikans) were the first people here and we are gonna be here long after other peoples have gone. In case you didn't know White people have the lowest birth rate/population growth on the planet. There birthrate is at zero. So for every one person that is born one also dies so that and I'm sure other things account for their zero population growth. Now tell me how can a people survive without reproducing? Its amazing to me how people are so caught up in this hollywood type love scenario. Not to say that love isn't important because of course it is, but it seems that some people view"love" from what they've seen in hollwood fairytales.

I know what my ancestors went through for me to be here and I don't apologize for not agreeing with interracial dating. Alot of the Native "Americans" don't agree with it because they want to preserve their ancestry and their culture, so are they wrong? Should they all just say well I'm gonna procreate and marry out of my culture because I'm in love eventhough that means diluting their ancient culture and possibly losing it along with their ways and languages. etc..?
Not to say that people can't date interracially, but everyone cannot and should not do it because it means cultural suicide. Just like everyone should not and cannot become homosexuals because there will be no reproduction and we all would be extinct. Certain things just go together period!! Why is it that everytime a Black person doesn't agree with interracial dating something is wrong with them, but when whites or other people refuse to do it then thats o.k.. and thats just how they are.
I'm sick of us as Black people always defending our views because they aren't "politically correct"", what the hey does America know about "politically correctness" anyway? It was politically correct when they were lynching men, women and children and sexually mutilating them all in order to bring home a "souveneir" for the family. We as Black people are the most tolerant and loving people I can think of, we tolerate everything and everybody but when we actually go against this backwards american style culture then we are deemed as angry, or wrong or even racist, go figure...

@abisha,
"why pass up a love that loves you back, to fight for a cause that no longer exist?"

You shouldn't and I never said you should.
But you were talking like the situation in our community is hopeless. And it seems that was the second time you said something like that so I had to respond.

I am no scholar when it comes to relations but the stats I have seen lately don't look so good, the stats I saw seemed as if we will wipe out soon. But recent stats I have found indicates differently, I found this today @ http://www.census.gov/prod/2003pubs/p20-541.pdf

The stats I saw last year indicated a totally differnt picture, and It was mostly women and children. With the stats no one can tell for sure because anyone can make up stats but we have to treat each other with love , even if we do not agree on everything.

The stats I have provided above indicate that there are many of us, but what is our make up? Is is mostly women and children?:maddd: Is that the new families of the black race today? 38 percent of us marry , and while married we make the most children,that leaves 62 percent of us possibly having children and never marrying . Out of all the races why are we on the bottom when it comes to marriage? :maddd: Are we less moral? or is it because we love each other less! :maddd:


I have waited for love from brothers for many , many , many ,years. The only brothers that seem to be interested were taken already and wanted me to be in the mix. That is not love and I did not fall for it. There are plenty of good bro. in this world, but somehow we missed meeting one another in life. A compatible bro. never came my way , after the divorce of my husband of 12 years,and I will not sit by and grow old and feeble waiting for him, in my life that is the cause that no longer exist.

A relationship with a black was my original thought but being with a black male is not reality for me, becasue love came in another package. Why should I turn love down because he is not black. I don't want a mookie for a man so I began to look at other options and the doors were open all the time for me to date IR, but I was too shy to answer the call, I did not think that true love could come in another color, my decision not to IR date based on color was foolish, and now that I have I am only sorry I didn't answer sooner. I was foolish to beleive that I could only find love in one color when God has created many colors and varieties. I am going to go have some fun now:toast:

What I mean when I say " why fight for a cause that no longer exist" , I am referring to love only! not the fight for our people!

The bros. I met had no love to give because they were already taken. The only availbale bro. I met was my husband of 12 years, after we broke up there were no available bros. that approached me. There were plenty of available non-bros. that wanted a chance but I was not bold enough to give it a try but now I just got tired of hanging around for years with no man. The common statistic a family built of women and children, I am tired of being in that bracket in my community.

Available bro. would not give me a second look because they see me as a woman with kids, in thier minds they may say,"huh I dont' want a woman with kids or take care of another man's baby, they stereo type me as a woman that laid up and had many children without getting married and because I have kids they act as if I am banished or cursed. What do they want me to do give my kids away to foster care and start a new family with them ? I think not! should I be punished because I had kids that I am caring for before I met them? If a bro. takes on a woman with children , it helps to build our community and make it stronger, but if you run away it leaves our community vunerable and each one teach one is gone out of the window. God bless the men that love the women with children, because we could be your mother or your sis.

"Like some women are carnal and ask men "What kinda job you got?, Some men ask women how many kids you got?":D

Hey Abisha,
I just wrote you a detailed reply but for some reason the entire thing got lost or deleted now I have to start from scratch again...darn..ok here goes..

My reply to you was regarding the statement you made which was "the black race has lost their hold in community togetherness a long time ago, now the black community is fading towards non existance".
I've read your replies and you say that you're no scholar well I'm not either, I'm just observing and learning like everyone else. I just find it very ironic that when a Black person states that he/she is not comfortable or does not agree with interracial dating and/or marriage then they are automatically viewed as wrong by white people especially the "liberals" and also by their own people.

However, when a non black person for example hispanics, native americans, asians, indians, and even white people refuse to date interracially then its o.k. As I said before I have personally heard many Native Americans on the radio, mind you its liberal radio at that, state that they are against interracial dating/marriage with anyone especially with whites. Are they(Native Americans) labeled as wrong, backwards or even prejudiced? No, its o.k. for them to say that. If its o.k. for them to feel that way then why is it that when Black people(who are people of color also)say the same thing they are viewed differently?

Now if two human beings love each other then fine, who am I to condemn their love. However, I have noticed that in America anything that is Black is considered ugly and bad and anything that is white or closer to white is considered pure and good by this culture, so thats why I question interracial dating by Black people. I know that our senses are constantly bombarded by that kind of stimuli(black=bad, white=good, pure). If love is that pure and strong that it can totally shine through that type of constant conditioning then fine. Those were the questions I presented in my post, and if you or anyone else on this forum can help me to understand this dilemma then I would be grateful.

Furthermore Abisha I don't think you have to explain your relationship to me or anyone else. I'm not aware of myself or anyone else condeming you or anyone who dates/marriages interracially for your decisions. You have a right to think the way you think and to feel the way you feel, however nothing is wrong with asking questions.
Peace

Mahogany Brown said: I just find it very ironic that when a Black person states that he/she is not comfortable or does not agree with interracial dating and/or marriage then they are automatically viewed as wrong by white people especially the "liberals" and also by their own people.


I think God has placed thoughts in the minds of all of us and some are directed to preservation, and those that have preservation convitions should stick to those convictions with no remorse. This is how we have lasted this long, and it is how other races have lasted as well. No matter how many of us mix up there will be groups that will not and those are the ones called to preserve race purity. If there were no race purity than race would not exist any more, and that is not the way God intended, he wanted the diffferent races to exist as well as mixtures of races. Both seems to balance out everything.

Everyone has a call in thier lives like bees are to carry pollen from place to place people have callings on thier lives too and some are called to be doctors, some are called to be teachers, some are called like Destee and open an online forum for us to express ourselves as a people. What ever our call is we will feel it from the heart . We will have a conviction in our hearts to do what God has called us to do. I use to have that conviction but no longer have the convction of soley staying in my race. I see nothing wrong with those who want to and condem no one for their thoughts or actions we are all people. I think no one else has the right to try and change you or say that you are wrong for your convictions of staying with your own people.

However, we are not suppose to sit in misery or make our lives a living hell waititng for an available bro. to show up and he may never show up times goes on and you age siting and waiting. When there are real men who would love to love you , for you . If your not down with that I see nothing wrong with saying no, I have said no to IR dating for many years. I am just one who had a conviction and got tired of waiting for the right Bro., with that note I will say this: Maybe God was showing me that my love would not be a bro. but he will be a good non-bro. that is not a taken man.
After meeting him I am no longer convicted to stay with a black man, I was only a reject to the black man according to some of thier harsh standards on black women. I love the one who loves me back. Just like Jesus he went to his own but his own recieved him not. Sometimes a man is not honored in his own country.

Now that I am no longer available and bro. see me with a non-bro.,I get too much attention from the brothers but when I was available they were not.

This was a very good subject that will affect us all in our life.
I feel that we all were created on this earth equally.
God is not partial, and created us to mix and create all kinds of people, to not mix would be like only being able to have chocolate ice cream for the rest of your life, how much fun and how delicious to try so many flavors to see which taste you prefer.

abisha:"Now that I am no longer available and bro. see me with a non-bro.,I get too much attention from the brothers but when I was available they were not."

That is too true.

I ve got no problems w/ IR because I really dont' know who God has planned for me but I pray he's of color.
But this obcession blacks have for whites is sickening, that is their business but must I hear about "pretty babies" and "good hair" all the time.:puke2:
And then the bashing other black people. :devil:

I feel you are entitled to date whoever you want.
If that person treats you right, it's nobody bussiness.
Now it's a different thing when you just exclude your race from the bunch.And ONLY date outside your race.
Yet still it's that person bussiness, but in my mind is
denying your own which is a problem.But thats that persons problem.
Mind your bussiness and stay out of other affairs
when it comes to that.Though you may reject it for yourselves don't
downgrade others for not feeling the way you do.

like Malcom said, if you put milk in a cup of coffee it loses it's power. LIke the Asabagna said, if you look at history, mixing has never benefited black people. In fact it's created a caste society. We all know what that has done to our psyche

When no availability is there in your own, the other choice is to accept love when it comes.

If I am thirsty in a dry desert for many years of not having fresh water, I see my people but they have water, but not available for me and suddenly I meet a white man that has good available water and he is willing to share it with me, but because he is a white man to refuse water would only be my torture and suffurage alone.


I am not willing to wait for the rest of my life, my Ex-Husband is long gone and I don't know where he is....Life Goes on

OOOOKAY. My take? Do what you want! But believe this if you are quick to see bad in Black people but slow to see it in others or quick to see good in others but slow to see it in Black people-those individuals in I/R I do have a problem with. Ex.-Black women on some particular predominantly Black boards(i.e-TMJS-Tom Joyner's) run down Quincy Jones for dating and marrying white women but high five Robert DeNiro for marrying and predominantly dating Black women. Now Black men criticize DeNiro for the 'slavemaster' thing. No my criticism with DeNiro doesn't concern that. My criticism is that if DeNiro was a Black man doing the same **** thing, many (not some) Black women will call him a dogg or an old busted down playa! I'm a member of an interracial board (chill out-I'm married to a Black woman,thank you). I just became a member to satisfy my curiosity of are Black interracial daters HATE black men or women? To some degree no(depending on individuals) and yes (again, depending on individuals) I was on a thread discussing DeNiro and revealed what little I know about the guy (Relax, I like him as an actor) in his marrying and dating habits. Now from others on that thread, they did relate a lot of stuff that I did not know and even if they were true or even half-true, DeNiro would be a dogg and an old playa if he was a Black man. Is the reason of my ditty of, if you quick to see bad in Black people and slow to see it in others, was me thinking of Robert DeNiro. Now interracial marriage is OK, long as you are true to self. Harry Belafonte, Sidney Poitier and Lena Horne. Just because they had white mates do not diminish that they fought for Black people. Even with Lena looking at her husband in a whole new light when he questioned her of being in the public eye for Civil Rights during the movement. That moment DOES define being in an interracial relationship, SHE WAS VERY ANGRY AT HIM AND IT WAS at that moment during her marriage that she saw her husband as a white man. She yelled at him for a time and she calmed down and broke it to him what it was about, but she was not sure that he really understood at that time, but that WAS the only (and maybe a few times) that she ever questioned her relationship.

Waiting for years is not considered "Quick to See Bad", if you read my post carefully , I have stated that "Good Available Bros. are out there!"

But you choose to pick the negative parts and display them as the gospel.

The good ones just happened not to love me, although the brols. interested were taken , I still don't consider them bad" but just a bit misguided. As many bros. have stated ; Too Many Sis. Go for Mookie!", well no one spoke of the sis. who don't go for Mookie, but sit and wait like a good little girl....Wait , Wait, Wait until she is no longer youthful or desired by any. I want to be loved now and later, Just because I was not desired by available bro. does not mean I am putting down my whole race.

It is a mere explanaition of my thoughts. Every race has their good and bad but I can not speak for another race, I can only speak of the race that I know from my own personal expereinces. I am not dissing any body, my own did not recieve me for years, instead of loosing hope, I began loving the one who loved me back. I meant no harm or Offense to anybody:0).

Whooooaa, Abisha-back up. I was really not addressing ANYONE. Just giving an opinion. I/R does work and also not work. I did not bash Black people who interracially date. Some do have problems and some don't. About your relationship specifically-Be Happy! Edit-By the way Lena Horne related that story herself in an interview. Yes, she acknowledged that he eventually understood her position, but she was having doubts about him understanding at THAT moment.

WOW
I never knew that about Lena horne.
But I wonder how come she didn't see that about him before she married him. I seriously doubt he ever showed interest in her culture and could say something like that. I would have divorced him that same day, that's one reason why I kinda avoid american wm. But if a bm said that i'd probably :puke2: too.

yaphet al-wynn
"! I'm a member of an interracial board (chill out-I'm married to a Black woman,thank you). "
Hummm, MID?


Abisha,
I totally understand what you are saying, Lord knows I do.
But its soooo good to see bw/bm in loving relationships w/ eachother.:heart: :love:
But I also love to see bw in loving relationships.
:love:

blackeyes, on the board-you be right!

yaphet al-wynn thank you for your participaiton and your reply to my thoughts, and blackeyes thank you for understanding.

***** DA WHITEMAN/WOMAN!
JUST SAY NO!

Respect....im_the_truth

Thanks for sharing your opinion, but it included one of the banned words which was automatically asteriked out. It would be appreciated if you'd please not go around this feature as you did above. However your opinions are always welcome. Thanks for understanding.
Peace..

HOW CAN SOME OF U SAY THAT U SHOULD DATE "ur own" WE ARE ALL "our OWN" aside from the color of our skin there isnt a difference btwn us. PPL need to wake up n understand that if u care about someone it doesnt matter what there color is. I say love everyone. Doesnt matter what color u r if u r a good person im gonna like u no matter wat

Does anyone agree with me or am i on my own?

I don't agree with you. We have seen time and time again, that mixing with whites or even arabs has done nothing but created a color caste culture. Where a premium has been placed on lighter skin people the world over.

There is also the issue of our ancestors, by mixing with non black people we lose the inheritance and guidance of the ones who serve as a medium between ourselves, and our cretator. Malcom X said it best. If you keep pouring milk into coffee it loses it's power.

you're on your own.

politically, historically, culturally and socially - there are a multitude of real issues that can be addressed before inter-racial relationships can be deemed appropriate.

i find the less politically and historically trained a person is, the more likely they are to say "go for it."

Ok i can see sorta where ur coming from but all in all thats just sick. LOSING POWER? is that what life has come to? u cant love someone else cuz of their color cuz of a power issue? i mean what happened in the past happened in the PAST.... let it go. for gods sake we are in the year 2003 slavery and all that other bull**** happened a long time ago... i have known a black man since i was in 3rd grade. Im a huge athlete n bc i was a GIRL i wouldnt get picked for bball at recess now this boy took the chance n picked me n I blew all the other guys away. Im not currently in love with this guy n im glad he gave ME the chance. Im sorry u have to see things from ur narrow minded point of view but its america n u can think n agrre or disagree with anything u want. I completly respect ur opp. n i respect u i just wish u could see where i am coming from

im now*** currently in love**********

I applaud you loveveryone for that statement you made up there b/c I agree...you can't help who you fall in love with.and if you fall in love with a white man, I think thats how Fate wanted it to be...You can't fight love

SwtT well im glad somebody agrees with me cuz it makes me very uspet that ppl these days sometimes cant look past ur flaws or ur COLOR n see who u really are. THis BLACK man that i fell for brings out the best in me n no matter if the person is prange, blue,white,black or green when u find that someone that makes ur heart skip a beat u cant help it, u care about that person n that is it. Love is colorblind..... its some ppl who arent-

ifasehun- im waiting for ur response i want to hear what u say...i have a very open mind n i would like to hear what u have to say on the matter aside from what u already have said

alright well im outta here, anyways if anyone wants to write me an email on this matter hotsportsgirl1@hotmail.com is my address

hotsporsgirl@hotmail.com****

why would you come on a black website and ask what we think about being with white people, Did you get booted out of the BET message boards. Maybe you're perpetrating under a different user name. If you wanna get down with YT, you go right ahead. THe fact remains that black people have challenges and are fighting oppression at the hands of white people every single day. If't funny you should say we should let it go. yeah right... go tell that crap to the JDL or the ADL. Jews don't forget what happenend to them, what you think passover is about.


Lastly. if you don't understand the metaphor of milk and coffee maybe you need to take a crash course in Political science and read the Destruction of African civilization by Chancellor Williams

sekhemu who are u talking to?

Originally posted by loveeveryone
Ok i can see sorta where ur coming from but all in all thats just sick. LOSING POWER? is that what life has come to? u cant love someone else cuz of their color cuz of a power issue? i mean what happened in the past happened in the PAST.... let it go. for gods sake we are in the year 2003 slavery and all that other bull**** happened a long time ago... i have known a black man since i was in 3rd grade. Im a huge athlete n bc i was a GIRL i wouldnt get picked for bball at recess now this boy took the chance n picked me n I blew all the other guys away. Im not currently in love with this guy n im glad he gave ME the chance. Im sorry u have to see things from ur narrow minded point of view but its america n u can think n agrre or disagree with anything u want. I completly respect ur opp. n i respect u i just wish u could see where i am coming from

i am an adult. a husband. a father too. i have a responsiblity to my community and my family. that responsibility supercedes my right to "fall in love with whom i want."

go to http://iabolish.com to read about slavery going on TODAY by the way. which is my point exactly. we must not allow our lack of awareness cloud our decisions. race is such a potent topic for a reason. have you been to any of the other forums here? we are talking about the historical and political terrorism of arabs and europeans upon the black person almost weekly. there is lots to read and refer to.

i am well aware of what you can and cant do in america.

unforunately, i am more concerned with HOW you exercise your freedom, not in how you REMIND me of your freedom. truly liberated people know they have freedome regardless of law and they base their choices on something greater.

love between a single man and woman is not the most important thing. and if that love clouds your view of how that persons people treat yours - then you are doing yourself a dis-service.

i dont have the energy to illuminate the existence of racism in the us today. i think you know whats going on. you choose to view it as incidental rather than pivotal to our realizing our FULL freedoms. which are by the way not represented by Puffy or Baby buying new bentleys. so you will have to do your own research on whats going on and decide to look realistically at that -

but as for relationships. life is a bit more serious than that. you owe yourself to your community. first and foremost. ...even white people know that. or ...ask the Jews. they definately know this.

ifasehun i ddint mean to offend u n maybe im not looking at it in the same perspective as u r n u kno i dont exactly see how u see all ur views but im still sticking with mine. i think u have some great points n the whole thing about slavery i didnt mean it isnt going on today im well aware it is what i mean that is wrong but as a 15 year old explaining my reasons y i think inter-racial DATING is acceptable n trying to understand where ppl are coming from when they are saying **** like they think whites should date whites n all that other stuff thats what im arguing about. About the rights n stuff like that i didnt mean it in a matter of talking down to u for as well as i kno ur a very intellgient person n im still a 15 year old girl who feels strongly about my opinions. I think u express ur opinions very well n all im trying to say is sometimes we judge ppl too quickly by the color of their skin.

do u have anything else to say? ifasehun?

i had no idea you were 15. i apologize if i was talking down to you. as one of our youth, i would encourage you to speak your mind and form your own opinions - but above all else - research and ask your elders to share.

when i was your age i would routinely go to see some older folks that i trusted and just talk about life with them. they were non-judgemental and i got a lot of info that came in handy from time to time.

now when i see them - all of us as adults - we teach each other in many ways - and quite often, i find myself still learning. lol

-- i gotta say i am impressed with you being on this forum at 15, especially when all the 15 year olds in my neighborhood are outside grabbing each other's fannies and blasting the stereo all day.

peace to you sister.

everyone has their opinions and inner thoughts
and i see this was expressed to the fullest also

it's not to judge by color nor creed but by reality

ifasehun well i flattered that ur impressed. I live in a city where there is a lot of diversity yet there is rarely an effort to trying and get to kno other cultures and other ways of life. As a 15 year old n knowing the small amount of info that i kno not a lot of ppl my age(that i kno of are open minded) well i believe without an open mind u will get nowhere in life. I look at everyone point of views b4 i say a word bc u shouldnt judge anyone no matter what. Im an athletic, intelligent person n i hope one day i can bring society n different neighborhoods closer together. Im white im well aware of that but i hope nobody judges me b4 they get to kno me. Im open to anythin n i will take ur advice n get some more research n learn from my elders. lol i apprecaiate ur convo with me even if im a lil 15 year old. I have a lot of ambition n dreams n i wish some day we can all quote in quote "get along" email me sometime hotsportsgirl@hotmail.com id love to hear what else u have to say n maybe u can teach me a few things- thank u :)

o n one more thing.... about the ppl in ur neighborhood....... lol they go to skool with me, trust me i kno lol, i kno:) but u kno what some of those ppl are my friends n some arent..... i figure if they respect me i can offer my friendship to them... im far away from a ****, i have never done drugs or drank n im friends with many groups in my skool, so i can see how other ppl feel. im crazy about a black boy n i get sooo much S**t about it but im young n i dont care what other ppl think.... that boy respects me n he treats me like a queen plus ive known him for a long time. But i gotta go to my bball game lol but i wish u the best wit ur family n all so ill talk to u later

one of the most caring, honest, loving, passionate and attractive men that i've ever known is white, as white they come, with blond hair and blue eyes. and we connected like no other before or after him but, distance just didn't work out. if it could.... i'd be with him forever. he was truly my soul mate. i would date him again. i'd date another white man. i'm a quarter cubana so i love me some latin men as well. i guess the point i'm trying to make is that love is colorblind in my heart. and i hope that it will also be that way in my children. you never know who the person will be for you. it's understandable it you're not attracted to that person. i can't fault you for that, but....

if we can't see past color then how can we ever expect for other races to see past us black?


THAT BEING SAID, GOD DIDNT' PUT ANYHING, BESIDES MY BABIES, ON THIS EARTH MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN BLACK MAN. i don't care what shade, tone, type, build or height. THERE IS NOTHING THAT EVER WAS OR WILL BE THAT BETTER THAN A BLACK MAN!

unless he's tall and chocolate with a bald head or a low haircut.
my personal fave.

stay up my people

I am so down with you!:toast: I totally agree with your theory. That is how it was in Bible days, it was not the color of your skin, it use to be where you are from or where you were born. However Moses got into heated discussions with his family about his choice of chocolate and Aaron wife,(Moses sister in-law) was cursed for just speaking of thier diversed union. I think if people love one another and get along well, leave them and let them love. Life is too Da** Short for Hate....:love: If you find love no matter what the color is you are blessed, because love is so hard to find. God made different people for a reason, and we are not suppose to get bored but by choosing our own only. Be adventourous you might find out that we are all the same. Are you scared to step out? Well I was until I got tired of waiting years for Mr. Right wrapped in Chocolate. I never found him and would be alone right now if God did not touch me with the boldness to step out, and forget about the shade of skin, I was interested in love and so was he, I forgot that he is not black . There is no difference in black/white/asian somaon/hawaiian/latino/indian/arabs and so on, we are all people.

People will try and group off though that is only natural to want to be the race on top, and some will hate on mixed unions, but if you love the one you are with , you will have no time to look around to see who is viewing you with so much hatred, let them hate and get all the ulcers, keep on loving and let go you will stay healthier without all that crud in your thoughts.:toast:

Hate to tell you. Moses was not white based on that particular story. The schism between Moses and his family about his wife was really of culture (desert people) and his wife being of darker hue (not really that) some ancient Hebrews WERE very dark. They together, probably were of Black and brown than Black and white. Edit-the white of the curse has to do with the disease of leprosy where people did get a pallor (paleness) about them.

Many people use to tease me when i was younger, and say that I was NOT black...because i am a mixed chile...guess what...I dont give a d@mn.
though i dont ignore my rainbows colors...
I AM black.
Interracial dating...let others choose who they please...I love me my brothas but...if they choose not to love me...then whomever the Lord please to bless me with, then he will bless me with the capability to love him for who/what he is as well.

I have a notion for all the pro-integrationist on this thread. It's about modern day India. Maybe all you know or don't know of the Dalits in India, also known as untouchables. Well these are the black people of India, the Dravidians or original inhabitanst. You probably know India has a strict color caste system. The dalits are on the bottom of this caste. they are routinely raped, burned, unemployed and not even allowed to share eating utensils with the other Caste. This is what mixing has done to our people, and yes this is an extreme on the part of the lighter castes. But look at our country today. We can't walk down the street or look in a magazine without some advertisement endorsing silky, shiny straight hair. Why is it that... in this country blond haired people are considered the epitomy of privilage and power? Because that's what the status quo wants to project and maintain. If you notice anytime a black person, particuliarly entertainers, bleaches their hair, their status is elevated. So if integration is all good, then why do black people spend so much time and resources trying to be something we are not. In the 60's and early 70's we loved and embraced our natural features, but once we were able to move out and live next to white folks, all of that went away. I wonder why!

@ Sekhemu I did not know all of that existed within India thanks for sharing that information . I also think that others try hard to spend money on themselves too. When they are done with the breast implants,lip enhacements, tanning, and curly perms, really I think we end up spending the same money in the end, also I think we end up almost looking alike, when we get the perms, skin bleaches and breast reductions,hehe. I'm sure God looks and laughs at us all. We end up looking the same,"pampered". If you check out the picture on the cover advertisement for Coyote Ugly, who looks great?? We all do but we of color have to know that we do. We think that we should be all natural when others are not, they cheat beauty by getting facelifts , but implants , dimppled chins , mud baths and other forms of pampering and I think we are doing the same thing. I think it's cool if a person wants to dye thier hair purple, if they think they look good in it. Sometimes I wear punk rock jewerly with the black lipstick and eyeliner when I go out, not because of my IR dating because I did that before I met him. I wear the black make-up and the silver studded belts because that is just my style. I think we all strive for beauty but a certain select few are recognized or featured on the cover of a magazine for thier beauty. Are Hawaiians beautiful, like the Hula dancers of course are they featured for their beauty often no! But just because they are not featured on the cover of magazines does not make them less beautiful,their esteem is still lifted because they look good and they know it. We have to think the same way even if we never get featured in Vogue.

Don't let the standards of beauty rain on your parade... I admire Little Kim and her boldness to try an assortment of colors for her make-up and hair, she looks good wearing all of it, by defyiing the "People of color don't look good in that", I think it's not a matter of what you wear, it's how you wear it and if you wear it with class.

Abisha my sista as usual u are on point:)

Trinity said:...I love me my brothas but...if they choose not to love me...then whomever the Lord please to bless me with, then he will bless me with the capability to love him for who/what he is as well.


That was the situation I was faced with loving to met a bro. who loved me too, I waited and it never happened. My knight and Shining Armored studd was not meant to be a bro. When love knocked on the door I answered the call instead of being too choicey" If I can't have a black man , than I won't have a man at all", huh thoughts went out of the window when I met my love, no guilt here I feel good about my decision to accept what God have given me, and I never felt better in my whole life.

Abisha you are quite welcome. But there are few things I need you to be clear about, 1. I made the points about black people looking white simply because.... this is a society that is controlled by a system and institution, predicated on the notion of white supremacy. The mere fact that black people go out of their way to emulate euro-centric standards of beauty speaks for itself. So please don't get stuck on the that one example, it was simply a means to show you the grip that this system has on our thinking and bahavior. 2) it is a positive step for you to be here and want to learn more about your people, because obviously white people aren't giving you this information. which leads me to my 3rd) and last point. If you surround yourself with black people that are fervently aware of the struggles before them, and those that faught and died of who's shoulders we stand on, you will quickly find out how many white people are comfortable being around you. How many whites do you know will tell you that black people are due reperations? When whites say they want to live in a color blind society, for the most part, I believe... they mean they don't want to be called on the carpet for being racist. They want to claim they don't see color, but we all know that's not the case. i.e. racial profiling, bank redlining, affirmative action et al. WHites as a whole, and there are a few exceptions like, John Brown, Ramsey Clarke, William Kunstler and their ilk, have not and are not friends of black people

Sekhemu said:


The mere fact that black people go out of their way to emulate euro-centric standards of beauty speaks for itself. /How many whites do you know will tell you that black people are due reperations?\

We all emulate one another whether we realize it or not./How many blacks will say that if it were not for whites that fought along with the blacks who struggled added power to our struggle. For whites who hated us thier were whites who did not hate , but they assisted the underground railroad system, by hiding us in thier homes inside of underground tornado holes. For many that hate there are many that love and we should focus on the positive.

It depends on us to bring out the good or the bad in each other.

Which do we choose?? My past does not have to be my future Things can change if we let them. We have to remeber out past and remeber that we were helped by the same race we were hurt by. Split Decision?? I think the good out weighs the bad. If not the KKK would have killed us all by now. We have been saved by Gods grace and many whites who know when **** aint right, they just won't go for it. Some may not feel comfort around us, but those same people will not tolerate murder and schemes, and vice versa.

Then explain Rosewood,Tulsa OK, East St Louis IL (where Josephine Baker is from and why she pledged never to come back to the US). Sure, whites have helped us, but as Malcolm X (sure he ain't no saint but doesn't mean what he said was not true)said when he split off from the NOI after his hajj and started his own organization)-he was asked-can whites assist? He stated plainly_(I'm paraphrasing-don't have the actual quote)white people are all not evil and some do have good intentions but they can help but they cannot lead or advise, Black people themselves must get themselves together before asking anyone else to help. Edit-For my short time on here-I have not bashed white people as a whole and neither am I going to worship and praise them on the whole either. Just taking each and every one of them on a case by case basis.

Since the advent of interracial threads on here (and other boards that I am on-subject du jure). My opinion is that individuals can do what they want. Any women are my preference(I'm married but have preferences like anyone else) but American white women are not at the top of my list due to the history. I pm'ed Destee on a matter, that is, if she can confirm it one way or the other. Now as I said before-if you believe Black men are scarce and you want to expand your options-do so. But be honest. If a white person or any person for that matter does you wrong will you admit it? Black women ARE so reluctant to admit that they had a bad experience interracially dating with white or other men, but are quick to tell of bad experiences with Black men and lump all Black men together. But don't lump all white,asian or whatever men together if they had bad experiences with one or many. Not letting Black men who interracially date off the hook either. This is only my opinion on the following-when pressed a Black man that interracially date will admit to BAD experiences quicker tha a Black woman who interracially date.. Just my opinion. If your opinion or judgement is different-love to hear it.

yaphet al-wynn said: Black people themselves must get themselves together before asking anyone else to help...

I totally agree and hope that I am not coming across to readers that we must bow to anyone, but I want my readers to know that there is positve and negative in situations, that does not mean that we should not help ourselves.

Speaking of IR dating this is my very first time and I love it! So far there are not any complaints..:toast: we are not here to bash bro's but are just sharing real life expereinces. If there are negative experiences with other races no one is afraid to post them, other races don't bite.:(

Abisha, sistah, I find it a little curious that you have gone to such lengths to defend the acts of white people on a website dedicated to the freedom and uplifting of black people. Do whites have to be included in every theater and circle of our lives in Amerika. Yes whites did help black people on the underground rail road and yes whites did help us in the civil rights era. But more of them did not. And as far as you asking how many blacks will admit that whites added to our power in the struggle, many of those whites were Jews who jumped on the band wagon by giving money to blacks to fight , because whites did not allow them access into country clubs, where deals were, and are signed and sealed. Where are those whites now that you say helped us in the struggle? I'll tell you where they are, they're executives, mostly white women, and white men, who've been complicit with the court system, by making sure affirmative action continues to be unraveled. You say the good outweighs the bad or else the KKK would have killed us all by now. Well the KKK were the judges, the farmers, the police officers the factory owner, the department owners in the south. By killing us, who do you think is gonna take the place of blacks working low paying jobs in those days? Mexicans? yeah right! You say whites will not tolerate murder and schemes. really? Self hatred is the root cause of black on black killing, but your friends, the white man has been conspicuously silent on this issue. oops, my bad, whites are color blind right? Most white people today are not joining our struggle regarding reperations, gentrification or any other struggle, dramatically affecting us as a whole. THe majority of whites do not have to hate us to affect us. They simply can be indifferent, which most of them are. The whites that do have direct control over our lives are the head of various institutions. Consequently... their racism has had a detremental affect on our economic well being. Obviously many blacks have been co-opted and compromised, often unwittingly... co-conspire to bring about our own demise. i.e. continuing to spend our money with the enemy. So I don't care about the few well intentioned whites who have no problem with black people. THe MAJORITY of them do?

ONCE again you miss my point about emulating white people. Do you understand that they control the images that we ingest on a day to day basis? Do you not understand that over a period of 400 years how the constant re-inforcement of white standards and mores, have a direct bearing on how we see ourselves vis a vis caucasions...particuliarly, with regard to self-esteem. Are you telling me that black people influence the maority of white people in the same manner? how many whites do you see walkin around wearin dashikis and kente cloth. If you are happy with a white man and promote IR's and believe that whites are our friends perhaps you should start an interracial board.

Sekhemu
You say (whites) will not tolerate murder
whites are color blind right? how many whites do you see walkin around wearin dashikis and kente cloth?


First of all I have not generalized by saying All Whites, some whites will not, some whites are colored blind , how many blacks walk around in dashikis and kente cloths I have not seen many.

Sekhemu,
I totally agree about the emulating whites part. Black people are sad, I am sorry but we all know that if relaxers/pressing were banned most bw would probably never leave their house. But it's not only blacks most minorities around the world love whiteness and can only see them in a positive light. But it's not their fault.
It's funny I always hear blacks in ir defending whites but NEVER the other way around, and it's always bw. Unless someone is attacking ur particular partner, why defend them?

Anyway, black people spend way too much energy on other blacks IR dating/marrying. My cousin says they really dont' have anything to contribute to black/the community anyway. I am not saying all that but, let em go black people, let em go.

There are too many conscious black men/women who dont' have animosity toward eachother, aren't obcessed w/ whiteness. Why can't we focus on them, like someone said, focus on the positive.
We could really invest this energy in our youth, because they lack self love and dont' value education. That's why so many seek validation form others, esp. whites. Black people arent' being taught to love themselves, I think that's the root of most of our problems today.

DONT' SLEEP, BLACK PEOPLE, DONT' SLEEP:heart:

Abisha don't play semantics here please, you know full well when I say whites that means by and large, the majority of them. So don't try to divert from the issue, if you want to defend whites then you go right ahead, as I said previously, your doing so is very, very suspect. As far as how many black people I know wearing kente cloth and dashikis. I know plenty. I live in NYC, perhaps you see what you want to see. But then again you're the integrationist. But you come on a website started by a black woman. God Bless you Destee. I find it interesting after the long disertation I posted, all you can point out is "how many blacks wear dashikis and kente cloth" A totally bogus argument. THe point of me stating, how many whites wear kente cloth or dashikis.... was to illustrate the fact that whites are not, I repeat... are not influenced to the same the degree that we are by them. If you don't know that you must have your head in the sand, This is evident by the simple fact that all of us in this country speak european languages and not the other way around

It is a historical matter of fact that any CONQUERED people are forced to speak the language and adopt the customs of their conquerors. So if you want to spend the rest of your days with mighty whitey be my guest. As I said before this board is by and for black people. I would be hard pressed to see where inter-racialism is encouraged here .

Abisha my sista i am happy for u that u have found love...:)

Sekhemu said:
you know full well when I say whites that means by and large, the majority of them.


I never claimed to be a physcic or a mind reader, no I do not know unless you communicate with me and tell me. If you want to banish me from the black community just because I don't agree with you that is not right. I am not taking up for anyone but I am speaking my mind, if you do not agree with that , it does not mean I am not interested in my people , if I were not I would not spend time to post here.

@Trinity ^5

Abisha, no. 1 you don't need to be a psychic to understand my points. I made very concise arguments regarding how whites.... overall feel about blacks, based on their indifference and complicency. no.2 I don't want to banish anyone that disagrees with me, besides I don't own the power to make that decision. However I noticed you have conveniently neglected or are unable to take me to task on the substance of the positions posted above

You say you are interested in your people, it seems to me you are more interested in what your people's response as it relates to IR's. In fact attempting to solicit a reaction, perhaps to ease your concience? We are all speaking our mind here, however much of you speaking your mind has been an attempt to defend white people who you say have helped us in our struggle, and you still have not answered my question, where are those white people today helping, that you say were there in the 60's.

Do you not know that affirmative action has benefitted white women more than any one else. You as a black woman pose a diamtrical threat to them in corporate america. No my sistah this is not a discertation to berate you, or knock you because you like to be with a white man, this is a demonstration of a critical analysis of the machinations and the implicit racism on the parts of white supremacy... as it relates to black people and people of color in general.

Nobody gave black people anythig in this country. I don't know how old you are, but I was born in the 60's and I got to see up close and personal, the raw and uninhibited agression of Jim Crowe. Black people were the one's getting lynched and raped and firebombed. Not whites. Even the whites that joined in the peaceful demonstration were not beat over the head with billy clubs, or hit wth water from fire hoses.

I don't know if you are a student of history or not, but all our civilizations crumbled, because of two fundamental errors; failure to take the advice of our oracles and two; mixing with other races.

by the way the word is Psychic

Don't put every white person in one barrel Sekhemu, like every black person is not the same. I want communication don't assume that I know what you mean. You can think what you want about me, my point is still the same. If you think I am only interested in IR disscussions then that is your thoughts and I am not trying to change them. This is a free country think what you will.

Abisha, you need to be a little more intellectually honest here, you are reading what you want to read, I said and have always maintained that most, never did I say all, but most whites. This is called a critical majority. You brought up the IR topic, I simply addressed it. If you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen. If you want to be want to adore and be with a white man that is your prerogative. Like I mentioned before, you don't EVER address the issues I raise. Why is that, particuliarly when you spend so much energy defending whites. Maybe you are white and just playin it off. Personally I could care less how many white people like blacks, the fact is the VAST majority of them think they are superior to us. Do you think this is NOT true? Your title says stop being a racist, a racist has the power to carry out his prejudices on a systemic level. Something I do not have, bias and racist are two different things. I love black people, but have a serious problem with most whites who don't like blacks. Apparently you love whites, don't you. Why don't you just come clean and say you love white people.

My two cents.....

I don't support interacial dating because I believe the Black Man and Woman needs to deal with the love of self before we love anybody else. Black Unity starts with the Love of the Black Man and Woman. I don't see how one can yell black power but turn around and get with a cave dweller. If Black is beautiful than act like it and quit that interacial non-sense. Secondly, people speak of "you can't help who you love"...Well I guess it all depends on what's someone's concept of Love then. For example, to me, Love is more than an emotion, it's also a behavior - which need to be controlled. Master your emotions before they master you. A white woman may be one of the nicest and caring people I met on this Earth, But I will never take her over an "Original" woman because the Black woman is the most unique creation upon Mother Earth. I want to be with a woman who's a reflection of myself (yes physically). I want a woman who's a reflection of my people, A reflection of the women in my family, A reflection of MOTHER AFRIKA!

I will run into alot of women of the caucasoid race who have a beautiful heart but I will not allow myself to get involve with one....some might say Im limiting myself....but I call it staying true to thy self. To me there is nothing more beautiful than the love between the Black Man and Woman.

Shem Hotep

my sentiments exactly Pharaoh Jah. Very well said.

Hotep

i don't really care these are not the slave days anymore we have the right to date or marry whatever race we please that is bull because they are different colors no ya'll can't be together get outta of here with that who ever says yes is just as prejudice as the kkk that is so ignorant

As a black woman who loves herself some proud and strong black man, I just can't bring myself to date men of other races--YET.
It's not that I am not attracted to men of other cultures/races, in fact there have been a few that I found quite attractive. But is attraction a strong enough foundation to build a relationship? I think not.

I am looking for a partner--someone that understands my struggle. Someone from whom I can draw strength. The type of understanding that I am referring to is not empathy, but first-hand experience. I have read volumes of books on american and african history and have asked my elders to tell me stories about their lives because I know that a lot of useful information can be gleaned from listening to other people's stories with an open mind and heart. Because of my education, it is hard for me to imagine myself being able to love someone that looks so like the people that have caused my people so much pain unconditionally. This has nothing to do with racism. Racism is a phobia and I have a very ligitamite reson to fear.

So much of what used to anger black folks in America has been so watered down that individuals think that it is okay for them to use words or express certain thoughts that once upon a time would have been a call for a A** whippin'. I can't imagine a life where I would have to explain why I feel like I was discriminated against or made to feel as if my feelings aren't real.

I know there will be some that are involved in interracial relationships who say they've never experienced anything but joy-- I am happy for them. But let me give you something to think about: When does a racist person ususally show their colors? when they feel threatened. If more interractial couples would be real and honestly talked about the deep seeded hurt that exists in the heart's or every black man and women you may get to hear you partners real opinion. How often in realationships do we test or really ask our partners hard questions? Try asking challenging questions--play devil's advocate. Do they even care that these issues mean alot to you? And if you (the black person) doesn't care, have you asked yourself why? They (your partner and his/her family) didn't do it to us right?

Give me a good black man and I'll love him forever. As for white women getting all of the "good" black men---who said they get all the good ones? People who feel that way need to evaluate their definition of good. Why because he has a little money, a good job? I just want a man that knows why he is meant to be with a black women and understands that only a black woman can help him to get where he needs to be. I will not let the man I love be lazy, he will contribute and he will respect me. If being that way makes a black man not want me--so be it.

I want to end this by sending a shout out to all the white women that think they are doing something slick because they have a black man in their stable because some black women wasn't doing her job to keep him happy--THANKS FOR TAKING THE BUM OFF OF MY HANDS. My man wouldn't want you anyway--no offense. Just trying to keep it real.

Ms. Love

Abisha, you need to be a little more intellectually honest here, you are reading what you want to read, I said and have always maintained that most, never did I say all, but most whites. This is called a critical majority. You brought up the IR topic, I simply addressed it. If you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen. If you want to be want to adore and be with a white man that is your prerogative. Like I mentioned before, you don't EVER address the issues I raise. Why is that, particuliarly when you spend so much energy defending whites. Maybe you are white and just playin it off. Personally I could care less how many white people like blacks, the fact is the VAST majority of them think they are superior to us. Do you think this is NOT true? Your title says stop being a racist, a racist has the power to carry out his prejudices on a systemic level. Something I do not have, bias and racist are two different things. I love black people, but have a serious problem with most whites who don't like blacks. Apparently you love whites, don't you. Why don't you just come clean and say you love white people.

I love all people not just whites, but blacks, hawaiians, chinese japaneese, indian, samoans,and jews and etc. isn't that the way God wanted?