I like treading on what some call a "touchy" subject. So I decided to put my boots on and tread like there ain't no tomorrow. So what are your thoughts?

I'm gon' have to go with Kemet on this one...
JUST SAY NO :nono:

Dayyyummm Blak :devil: ~ I know you don't do this yourself,
so why you want to evoke some ****?!

My stomach gets weak at the very thought of it...
so much that I can not even articulate and organize
my thoughts around to speak ~

I'll have to take the 5th for right now, maybe I'll come
back in with a more intelligent thought to add..


:uzi: :mad:

Guess I'll have to shoot you now!

Why people of African Descent should NOT take White people as mates or lovers, and be careful in having them as friends, associates, partners or comrades:

1. It goes against history: one does not love, serve or fraternize with the enemies of one's ancestors.
2. It goes against reason: it is not logical under a system of White World Supremacy.
3. It goes against what is natural and traditional: "The lion does not sleep with the tiger even though they are both of the cat family".
4. It develops in Black people a high level of Black Inferiority.
5. It disrupts the Black Family which is the basis of the Black Community: the Black Man and the Black Woman are natural compliments.

We are told by White liberals and Yuppie socialists that ideally you should love and associate with that person or those who love you and respect you regardless of colour (or gender, hmmmm, another topic for a later date). But the history of our relationship with those of European descent all over the world in the last 500 years slaps us awake to the reality that even today they are focused on our destruction. Individually we may have good and pleasant relationships with White persons, but their collective consciousness, shaped by their history, makes them see us: Black Males, as their natural enemies, and Black Women as their mammies and objects of exotic sexual play-things. This does not mean however, that you SHOULD be with someone who is Black if they don't treat you with respect, loves you with a healthy disposition and is there to support you unconditionally. It does mean though that in knowing who you are, and where you come from, that you must consciously develop a loving, respectful and supportive relationship with those of African descent for the survival and progress of our community. For those of us of African descent in the world of Eurocentric Supremacy, we must never forget that: "The personal is the political". Unfortunately this mindset is essential to our survival as a people......

:heart:

I am with Kemet......Just say no!

The topic says interracial. Duhhhhhh

Why in the fuqk does it have to be with some white MOFO? Dang. When are people going to get offa that ole BLACK/WHITE dichotomy mental chain?

I date, snuggle and cuddle with any woman irrespective of race. Love is love.

:love:

I love women.

When love comes I am not going to choke myself with a bowties and bean pies of AFRICAN AMERICAN CULTURAL POLICE policies of paranoia.

Love is love.

No time for mental baggage either. Away with the pain lets live and love baby.

:heart:

The lion and the cat is a loada bull. :rolleyes:

Aint no such thing as BLACK COMMUNITY. I dont see no GUN TURRETS protecting the best interests of your community.(invaders247)

It is not interracial dating that corrupts your community it is practices of noncoalition that has many AZZZZZED OUT, disenfranchise when FATSO SHARP-TON is all your community has who stands up and run for president.

May as well get the comedian D.C.Curry to run for PRESIDENT.

I FEEL WE SHOULD STAY WITHIN OUR OWN
BUT MANY OTHERS SEE IT AS O~KAY
NOT ME ~~~!!
I PERSONALLY LOVE MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK SISTAH'S
REAL QUEENZ NOT MAKE BELIEVE ONE
I THINK AND SAY NO!
JUST MY POINT OF VIEW.

Too much emotional stress... I'm with Kem, just say NO!

<whoo!> thats a heavy question. I agree with the others. Just Say NO!:eek:

I believe in interracial relationships. But of course there's parameters that
need to be applied:

1.) The individuals SHOULD NOT have inferiority complexes
2.) It should only be pursued if a person of your own race is not available

Some people are attracted to those outside their own race because they
have a hatred for themselves and don't even realize it. I further believe:

Black people should be in relationships with those who are the same skin
complexion as themselves. Ex: Halle Berry with Ginuwine(because they're
both light) and Wesley Snipes with supermodel Alec Wek (because they're
both dark). I think Black people have too much of a problem with marrying
someone a little lighter than them so their children won't be too dark and
vice versa.


Peace and Blessings

Relationships, whether inter-racial or not, should not have "if/and/but" stipulations tied to them.

Janiah if you want to be with someone, be with that person because of the type of person he/she is. Be with that person because of the way he/she treats you. Be with that person because he/she brings you joy. Limiting yourself with certain color restrictions within your own race practically screams "Color-Struck". :eek:

Let me say again that when it comes to interracial dating ~ just say no, but when it comes to black men ~ I :heart: them from blue-black to high-yellow.


:love:

DATE AS U WISH WITHIN YO OWN
IF HE/SHE IS DARK BROWN TONE
COCOBUTTER SKIN LIGHT AS LONG
AS ITS WITHIN YO OWN.......EVERY
THANG BE COOL OUT SIDE THAT !!
NO WAY NO GOOD NO NO!!:nono: :nono: :nono:

Correct me if this is what I am hearing.

Say no to interracial dating...for the survival of the black community???

(My response to this was too long...I confess...if you get bored, just skip over it)

By the majority consensus on this subject, it seems to me that the majority of you, are against interracial marriage, mainly for the survival of the race here in America. I also noted that mostly women commented with "JUST SAY NO", while most of the men remained...silent...hmmm. Only a few spoke up for the love of the sistahs. Nexis loves the sistahs to and I am inclined to agree with his viewpoint. ( He posted too many times consecutively and I went too long...SMILE)

People...this is NOT what is hurting us and keeping our numbers (we have been stagnant at 12% for years now) down in America.
Believe me, this is NOT because of interracial dating and marriages only. It's a combination also, of other things like AIDS, homicide and abortion.

AIDS

I personally believe that AIDS is subtley being introduced into our neighborhoods as well as the obvious ways of unprotected sex and drug use...Remember the Tuskegee Syphilis Project. More frightening is this statistic: blacks now account for about 57 percent of all new infections with the human immunodeficiency virus, or HIV. Among those age 13 to 24, the rate is 67 percent.

Homocide

The leading cause of death in 1990’s for Black males ages 15-24 was homicide. This age group makes up less than 1.6 of the general population of America. Genocide at our own hands.

ABORTION

Sisters, if what some of the brothas are doing, in crossing over to the white race, is hurting our black community, we be guilty of the same and even worse for at least the brothas are not killing their children before they take their first breath. I hate to be blunt (but then again I don't) but there are way too many of us choosing to destroy the life of our children in the womb. The death rate to put it in simple terms...ALARMING. For several years now, over 20% of all abortions committed in America, have been committed by black women, with the rest being divided among, orientals, hispanic and whites.

In 1938, Margaret Sanger (founder of Planned Parenthood) laid out her reasons for pursuing the Negro Project. She claimed in the project proposal, “The mass of Negroes, particularly in the South, still breed carelessly and disastrously, with the result that the increase among Negroes, even more than among whites, is from the portion of the population lease intelligent and fit, and least able to rear children properly.” That year, Sanger obtained a $20,000 grant from Albert Lasker to begin the project.

The Negro Project is an ongoing project that few blacks know about. I just learned of it myself 6 months ago. It's original and ongoing purpose is one of the best kept secrets in America today.

"Margaret Sanger had a broad following among rich whites who favored eugenics. Eugenics was the theory that social progress depends on reducing the birth rate of “inferior” races or ethnic groups. Followers of eugenics thought that people in these groups should be discouraged from having children."

FACT:
Minority preborn children are being aborted at more than twice the rate of white preborns (in 1988, 57.3 per 1000 women for nonwhites, compared to 21.2 per 1000 women for whites). (Abortion Factbook, 1992 Edition, The Alan Guttmacher Institute).

If this concerns you and you want to know more, Visit some of these sites: .The Successful Ongoing Negro Project (http://http://www.cwfa.org/library/life/2001-05_pp_n-project.shtml#sanger)

Is It Genocide??? (http://www.pregnancycenters.org/batonrouge/abortionafican.html)

Eugenics (http://www.all.org/issues/ab17a.htm)

Like God, I believe that people should be given a choice, but not at the risk of another's life. Abortion is a woman's choice, but it is not her right. The taking of life for convience sake will never be right.

“... I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live.”
—Deuteronomy 30:19

In terms of the survival of the African American community, we as a people, should deal with the swords first and deal with the thorn (interracial relationships) from the heart. There is one thing we must understand...black men are our brothas, but they are not our property. Sure some have inferior complexes, some are programmed by the media to think that white is better. Hollywood pushes it (interracial relationships) for the purpose lessening the chance of a major race war. They figure that if a black man is given all the white women he can stand, he will become docile on racial issues and not want to fight, lest he be fighting against his white women and children. Their movies concerning blacks are movies made of mostly of "machine gun harry types with a white woman by his side ". Take note of this, the next time you go to Blockbusters or Network Videos...look at the covers, then go figure.
This appeals to many of our black brothers' ego, making him feel better about himself.

But in all of this, still, interracial marriages are not moral wrong. Some brothas truly felled in love, because of the character of the woman, who just happened to be white. It's only wrong, when the brotha dates or marrys BECAUSE the woman is white. Herein, he loses out because the benefits of a sistah in this instance far outweighs the benefits of any other race of women. My opinion...okay?

Let me boast, tho it be vanity. Black women maintain their good muscle tone (every where, which is why many of their white slave masters preferred them over their wives when it came to sex) and most will not see a wrinkle on their beautiful skin until they are age 50. Where as her white counterpart begins to show signs of aging at the tender age of 25. By the time most white women are forty, her face is not the ONLY thang that has begun to sag. So if a brotha marrys for the skin color and the hair (which starts graying very early, thus over 80% use hair coloring to hide), I say he gets what he deserve...hahaha. Hence, you do not see many elderly black and white couples...He married for cosmetic reasons. When she begins to age at a rate much faster than he, he often gets out of the marriage because he cand deal with the fact that she looked like his much older sister instead of the wife of his youth. Nor can he deal with her intense insecurity when he comes into the presence of a black woman. Many walk as puppies on a leash, keeping their heads looking straight ahead, not seeing or speaking to you his sista. In the case of "broke down" white women, this particular brotha either felt he couldn't do no better or he has a serious complex prob.

For the most part though, the sistahs got it going on as we posses the greater number of the most desireable men on the planet...black men. The majority of chocolate delight, remain in the hands of black women. Though the whole world is his grocery store, when shopping for a good woman, he is still choosing the black woman overall. That says a lot for us, so I don't worry about the ones who marry white...that's their personal business. We should first concern ourselves with what is really eating away at the black community from the inside...AIDS, Homicide & Abortion.

Well that's just my two cents worth. Gosh, look how long I went.
Just ah sistah who loves her people, I guess huh. Forgive my babblings...Thank Ya!

With interacial dating there are many people that are against it, but I see no reason why there should be a problem. For myself, I date who it is that respects me and cares about me...no matter what color.

I used to believe that folk should stay within their own race. My main reason for this was quite selfish, almost feeling a physical pain (heartache) when I saw a black man with a white woman. I somehow took this very personal. As though I had something to do with what every black man did and who he did it with.

I've grown beyond this kind of thinking (for my own sanity's sake) and understand that folk will embrace love where they find it. If that happens to be in the arms of someone of a different color, background, class, religion, (and even same sex), so be it. If God gave them the ability to choose, who am I to take that choice from them?

I have my own life to maintain, make decisions for, figure out and give account of ... no whole buncha time to worry about anyone else's.

Should you - should you not? We (or most of us African-Americans) are the result of inter-racial relationships. Enough said about that. I find that all relationships require a lot of energy to keep them flowing in the right direction. I would have great difficulty in adding race to the mix. Dating other that African-American brothers (another subject) is not for me.

I use to get angry when I saw
a black man with a white woman
and sometimes I still do, but not for reasons of jealousy or disgust for the white race. I too, have personal issues on dating outside my race. I have to be honest and say, for me...its just too much bad history and knowing my African American history, I wouldn't be able to adapt.
I don't think thats racist, I think thats real. My problem with interracial dating, is some, need to really dig deep and find out the reasons.....why? Cause it ain't always about love, There are some white women/men who are married to a black woman/man, but don't like black people and the black woman/man knows this and just goes along with the program.

There are some black men/women,
who hate themselves so much, they won't look twice at the opposite sex of their race. I have a problem with
black women/men who go into these relationships and lose themselves. either before or after they are in them. Their attitudes are completely assimulated to the point where there is no more love of themselves or love or respect for their own people. I have heard (some)black men say that, "thats why I don't date a black woman...they to mouthy, I got to work to hard, or white women are more understanding" or (some) black women say, they all thugs, they don't want nothing, all they wanna do is
sit up in your house and sponge, they all leave their kids, a white man can get me the things I need."

Then these atitudes have children, place themselves in a bubble....like the outside world don't exist. Theres no racism.....no color barriers....everything is honkey dorey (no pun intended). While in the real world, once, they send their children out
in it. Their called.....zebras, n*****s, and all the other desparaging names that people use to describe them.
Then they come home and the parents say....its their problem, you just continue to be you. Now what that does, is it sets that child on a path of confusion, anger, hating themselves
and a series of identity crisis..that they may never recover from.
I believe, this is a matter..you can't choose going into lightly....if the world were different, it wouldn't matter.

Ultimately, the decision to date interracially will have long range
effects on everyone involved. If this is completely understood,
and you are comfortable in your own skin.....and your children(especially the black parent because, it is his black heritage that will be attacked most often) are taught the necessary
tools to combat racism.....and they completely understand their heritage.

Then the children will grow up stable and healthy. I have a brother who is married to a white woman....and I have seen first hand the results of a interracial couple, who took their kids (2sons) moved into a all white community, raised the children there and neither child was exposed to the
their black heritage, only by way of their father's skin and racist remarks.
My brother had totally assimulated himself into that world. Now his 21 year old son, is filled with hate, anger and don't know who he is......and the 15 year old is on his way to the same fate.

Again, the decision is more then just the two people involved, society has a way of putting things into perspective for you, its sad.....but reality...just the same. For some the adjustments may
lead to confusion and shame. If you can get pass those adjustments with true understanding, with out
losing yourself then......

love will conquer all



Epiphany :heart:

Many good responses (and I have read them all). Excellent points made by Epiphany, Asabagna, Kemetstry and Joyce. As a 28-year-old Afrikhan wombman born in this foreign land where my Afrikhan family (including all of you) and I are under constant psychological warfare, I find it difficult to find a suitable mate within the Afrikhan race, not to speak of races outside of it. In my opinion, the average Ebony man is so incessantly indoctrinated by the ways, thoughts and practices of the anglo saxon white supremacist dominant culture, that it becomes too cumbersome a task for me to have to constantly work to pull him from out of his brainwashed state. Time and again, I meet and briefly date otherwise good, decent Ebony men, and then have to let them go because I discover that they possess an inferiority complex that is too deeply rooted for me to have the patience to deal with long-term, struggling to resolve it.

My countless observations have led me to conclude that far fewer Afrikhan women have allowed themselves to remain brainwashed than have Afrikhan men. This explains why there is an obvious trend of black male/white female couples, while there is no such TREND with Ebony wombmen. All that said, I decided not long ago that although I have no interest in ever having a white male head my household, and the ideal situation is for an Ebony man to head my household, my options are open to "some" other men of color. I can't be 40 years old still waiting for a suitable Ebony man to step up to the plate.

As much as I hate to have to admit, I would prefer to date a non-black (though non-white) man who appreciates a strong, proud black woman regardless of whether she is "cocoabutter light" complected or "dark brown" (notice the difference in connotation and phrasing when a black man refers to different shades of Ebony women), than to date a black man who is color-struck or who has been with white women. The natural Afrikhan way is to look at the opposite sex and see a spirit, not physical characteristics, with the exception of seeing a general reflection of the self and gravitating toward it. It is clearly a sign of self-hatred when an Afrikhan is more excited about the idea of going to the deepest level of intimacy with someone who has historically symbolized and epitomized his/her death and destruction than he/she is about the idea of going to the deepest level of intimacy with someone who was created most closely in his/her own image. An even deeper indication of self-hatred is when an Afrikhan is more excited about reproducing offspring that do not look like him/her than wishing to reproduce offspring that closely resemble him/her.

That's about genotype. Now, let's talk culture. The european culture is an altogether different and opposite culture from the Alkebu-lan culture, and I have no intention of sacrificing my own culture to meld with theirs. Sexually, there are alien acts that anglo saxon women tend towards, that may have been introduced to Ebony men who have been sexually involved with anglo saxon women. When I hear Ebony men proclaim that they "love" women in general, that tells me that they have no boundaries, regardless of the situation of the world they live in. It tells me that they are ignorant of or in denial of the crucial differences among the cultures, some of which may be antithetical to the Holistic well-being of the Afrikhan. I have seen black men who are constantly trumpeting the "Black Power" message turn around and be with a white woman. Black people are not empowered by being naive enough to pair with those who are only ostensibly their ally, and insidiously their enemy. I also feel it is not in the best interest of an Afrikhan to pair with anyone from a non-Afrikhan culture who has an anglo-saxon supremacist complex. It is my strong conviction that the vast majority of caucasians are racist/white supremacist, and that the vast majority of those (especially caucasians) who date/marry interacially do so for unsound reasons. In my opinion some of the caucasians who date Afrikhans are even more racist in their thinking than are most caucasians who date their own people. Beware of the caucazoid female who dates only Ebony men. That is the caucazoid who perceives Ebony men through the lens of her most racist ancestors, who lusted sexually after Afrikhans because it seemed taboo (because Afrikhans were thought of in the same way as animals--horses, dogs, etc.).

In closing, I will say that one cannot "LOVE" anyone else if he/she has not learned to love him/herself. Those who love themselves naturally seek to reproduce themselves, not to dilute the blood of their progeny. As for the comment about all of us being products of interracial relations, that sounds like an attempt to convince oneself (and others) that we are not really Afrikhan. You/We are what your/our dominant genes say you/we are. You/We are Afrikhan and nothing less.

WELL SAID NIA..... I LKE HOW U BROKE I DOWN
FROM WITHIN SELF........I SEE NOW MORE WOMEN
DOING IT AS MEN ......

Asante sana, Dada $RICH$.
(Thank you very much, Brother $RICH$).

Kemetstry-

I trust that you did not arrive at that slanderous conclusion maliciously. Feel free to explain yourself.

:nono:
Kemetstry-

You have failed to qualify your slander of me.

You took my comment entirely out of context. I never stated that I would prefer to date non-black men. NEVER. In no uncertain terms, I stated that my #1 preference is an Ebony man. I did, however, add that not just ANY Ebony man, simply because he is Ebony, but a non-color-struck Ebony man who can appreciate (me for who I am). Let's get it together, now. :nono:

You wrote:....." Your assumption is that a non color struck black male is so rare that he may be difficult to find."

That is not an assumption, but fact. Based on my own personal experience. And YOUR assumption is that a "color struck" black male can only be "struck" on light complected women.

You wrote: "I for one like dark meat and know many that feel the same."

Then you and they as well are "color struck" (trusting that you are implying that you prefer a dark complected woman over a light complected woman). For myself, I have no preference when it comes to Ebony men, in terms of appearance. Light, dark, medium, what ever. The person's "shade" (or even their outward appearance in general) has nothing to do with his or her fundamental Self. I don't find one shade or the other more appealing. Do you? RACE, on the other hand, is far more complex a characteristic than can be dismissed as a mere outward trait. RACE has a great deal to do with the type of individual you are dealing with. RACE is political, social, cultural, etc. And especially political. We need not have those types of divisions WITHIN our own culture. We didn't create them, we need not welcome them. Let the white folk keep them amongst themselves.

You wrote: "The trend as you so slanderously put it, is away from BWAs."

I'm not familiar with that particular acronymn.

You wrote: "Which unfortunately has become 'tre chic' amongst many females in our community."

I can neither agree nor disagree until I know to what type of female or relationship you are referring.

You wrote: "Please go to the census data and you will find that black men's daliances away from our community is a recent phenomenon."

I never said it wasn't.

You wrote: "All through the 1900s sisters have far out paced us."

In terms of dating outside of the race?

You wrote: "But even with that on either side, it is rare for us to go outside our race."

False. If it were rare, I would not see it every single day, be it in the workplace, supermarket, classroom, department store, on the street, on television, you name it. Something that is rare is "rarely" seen. Perhaps you mean that it is less common than is dating within the race. That may or may not be true. If it is 40/60, or even 30/70, or even 20/80 (with 1/5 of us jumping the fence), that's disturbing. And not rare.

You wrote: "People tend towards the familiar. Their environment fits that bill."

And nowadays, white folk in particular are about as familiar to black folk as are other black folk. Most of us (or you) have conformed so much to "American" (european) culture, that we have lost our uniquely BLACK identity for the most part. Additionaly, most of us have to deal with white folk daily in some capacity. Even if we live in predominately black neighborhoods, or attend black churches, etc., that does not mean that our own people are more familiar to us. Most of us work the avg. 8-10 hour day, engulfed by "others".

:wave: :wave: :wave:

Welcome ~ Welcome ~ Welcome

So glad to have you here participating in the discussions with us. I saw Kemetstry's first response to you and was going to whisper to you then that <he has issues>, but it seems you can handle him okay. :)

So I'll just say hello and let you know you're free to make yourself at home here.

from the majority of comments on this thread, it seems as if we are mostly referring to black/white relationships....why?

there are people of every colour in this world...black and white are only two of them...

personally, I like to think I am free enough to look past the colour of a persons skin and see what is in their heart...not what shade their skin is...

just a thought....

K

I would like to clarify my words above....

I did not in any way mean to imply that anyone who has posted before me has made a statement that is racist toward any other..
and I fully understand everyones comments...about two races coming together...

my thought was simply made from an observation that most people (including me) automatically combine a black male/female with a white male/female when thinking about inter-racial dating or marraiges...

I guess it's the same thinking that associates an asian woman with a white man, as a mail-order bride....as I have heard many people say...

we live in a world where a coloured skin automatically means you are a lesser human being in some peoples eyes...my eyes are colour blind..

so I'm hoping my words above did not offend anyone who has posted before me...

K

.

Much thanks to you, Destee, for the very warm welcome. It is a pleasure being a part of this forum, and sharing thoughts on important issues. Previous post (???) was in response to he (Kemetstry).

Kitana~

Ironically, the fact that darkness of skin colour has been made to be a mark of inferiority tends to be the reason that many Ebony people (particularly men) focus their energies on uniting with caucasian mates. It is overcompensation for a mental and spiritual poverty that results from having an inferiority complex. The ultimate way to overcompensate is to gravitate to caucasians, not other people of COLOUR. The "black/white" focus is prevalent because they are polar opposites, and because "black/white" is by far the most common type of interracial match. For many understandable reasons, I suspect that most people don't have a problem with interracial dating among people of color, which is why that type of I/R is rarely examined. It's not nearly as big a deal.

Kemetstry-

Not ignoring your suggestion, but may I ask whether you know of more Ebony females or more Ebony males who are in or have been in I/Rs? Just curious. Moreover...

I would like to preface my next comment by stating that I am in NO WAY attempting to "justify" interracial relationships as held by Ebony females, but we must respect the fact that there is a disproportionate number of females on the planet vs. males, and specifically, a disproportionate number of Ebony females (far larger number) vs. Ebony males. That being the case, there are not enough Ebony men to go around for all the Ebony women who outnumber them. I like to think that the vast majority of us prefer a monogamous union. In short, if there are more of "us" in I/Rs, then the gender disproportion would explain that situation. Theoretically speaking, that is. I personally know full well that there are plenty of decent Ebony men out there who are single and available. So I am not saying that there is such a scarce number of "good black men" that we are forced to miscegenate. Also, there are more upwardly mobile Ebony women than Ebony men. That's not my opinion, but fact. I suspect that it is mostly the high socioeconomic status Ebony women who are in the I/Rs. I can only think of 5 Ebony women whom I know personally, that are with non-black men, and all five men are caucasian. One of the women is a news anchor, one a retired social worker, one I'm not sure of her occupation although she is my cousin, one (unmarried) directs a Reproductive Freedom organization, and the other peddles Mary Kay cosmetics (at the pink car level) and works also with securing employment for physically challenged persons. In that example, the class status varies, but I can think of countless Ebony males who are with non-Ebony women. The first one that comes to mind is my father, who is married to a white woman who is his third wife. Just looking through my family, there are all kinds of white faces (non-male) that got in via marriage or just shacking or just non-marital involvement. :bomb:

As an African American woman living in a community where there aren't many African American Men, I am all for Interracial Dating.

You know what I find very interesting? We oftentimes hear men and women alike (of the Ebony race) offering explanations for why they choose non-Ebony mates. A typical explanation (coming particularly from the female side) is that there are no opposite sex potential mates of the same race in close enough proximity to enable oneself to date within the race. Well, what I find very interesting and ironic is something that comes to mind that an Ebony man recently confided to me. He stated that in his line of work and study (some branch of Physics; possibly Quantum), he is surrounded by nothing but white folk, and that he is well aware that once he gets into his career a bit more fully, he will have even less proximity to Ebony women. For this reason, he had been taking an active role in social justice work, in an attempt to deliberately place himself in the company of his own people. I was practically speechless upon hearing and learning of such a dignified and extraordinarily loyal position. I'm sorry, but if one Ebony man can go the extra mile, anyone can. Unless, of course, you simply are attracted to or prefer other races.

I personally live in an ethnically diverse neighborhood and city, but that has nothing to do with my dating pool. I don't see myself finding a mate within my neighborhood, and not necessarily within my city. It seems rather apparent to me that we all place ourselves in situations and circles that expose us to a certain pool of people whom we consider to be ideal prospects for a mate.

Staying in UR own race takes a lot of extra stress of UR heart,the parents or family may not like to see U coming,, and that in itslef is uneeded stress. black people race mix too much just like the american Indians did, all U C R many afro - americans mixed w/indian blood and where did it get thier race? Almost extinct it is less of them than any other race on the earth, so if their is a crisis in thier community they have no real power behind them just a select few of pure indians which has not help their communtiy as a whole. I am not against IR dating but I wouldn't do it. My chocolate a-day keeps the doc. away, too much drama for me to date outside+I just love the brothas. How they feel about black women is a totally differnet topic, I get jocked all the time by white guys in my class and latinos guys all the time, but brothas seem to have thier thoughts of beauty in other races, and I'm not saying all but many of them do, and they holla and say it's the sistas fault, If U R going 2 IR date don't blame it on anyone or treat the sistas like s**t, just go on and black women should not down our delicious chocolate just because U have a white man. That is trifling to me. Just be real and know that we R all human who R bound 4 mistakes, let's not blame one another, if U hate on UR own race, how can U have Luv 4 another?

Abisha,

We are right --->here<---. You and I both know full well, based on years of experience and observation, that apparently, the AVERAGE Ebony man prefers non-Ebony women, right? Nevertheless, Kemetstry has been trying to convince me that census data contradicts our observations, instead concluding that it is Ebony women who go outside of the race in large numbers (much more so than do Ebony men). It's really a rather insignificant debate, but when my eyes are seeing one thing day by day (a trend in black male to white female pairings), and census data reports another (trend in black female to non-black male pairings), then it makes you wonder. If there are all these Sistahs out there jumping the fence, it seems to me they must be doing so "in the dark", because I simply do not see it on the streets. When it is the other way around however, I see it all the way from elementary school students, to teenagers to young adults to full adults (black male/white female), DAILY.

BTW Kemetstry, before making any hasty conclusions, let's do the math. The U.S. population is what, 13% Ebony? So 13% of perhaps 280 million is 36.5 million? Correct any of these numbers if I have it incorrect. And of the 36.5 million, probably 2/3 are female? So maybe 24 million are female and 12.5 million are male? Alright. Hypothetically, 20 million are women and 10 million are men; hypothetically. If the census data says that 7 or 8 million Ebony women have non-Ebony mates and 5 million Ebony men have non-Ebony mates, then that still means that more Ebony men are misdirected than are Ebony women (it would mean that 1/2 of them walked out, whereas quite a bit less than 1/2 of us have turned away). I would like to see the data in order to check the facts more carefully.

I think that true love is colorblind. . .so if it's love and not novelty, I'm for it. As for Wesley Snipes and those like him (I went there), a persons color or ethnic backround doesn't determine their personality, and a woman of another race can have just as many if not more opinions than a black woman. Now for those brotha's and sista's who for some silly reason think of interracial dating as a means to "better" establish themselves in "society", I can't help but think, "Where did your parent's go wrong?"

@Nia
I do agree with U about the brothas 2 1 point because, many of them seem 2 date outside and marry ut side freely. The thing I have problems with is when a blackman downs the sista and up build the white woman when they R 2 gether. Like hate on sistas, that kind of brotha is a sell out. Also a sista who lowrate alll brothas just because she has a white man, that is ludacris. Self balck luv starts from the black man and woman raising thier family 2gether and gaining our race back. Many black women R bieng left behind in this IR dating. Some men leave the kids behind as well. Some start new families w/thier new found love, they leave thier family and call the IR rel. love. I say don't leave a black family behind and call it luv, casue it aint. However many brothas R out there doing thier thang, and staying w/thier family. It takes a strong brotha in this society 2 do that, B cause these women R putting themselves off on our men and I think it has a lot 2 do with, many of our men R tired of us trying 2 look white, skin bleachings and fake hair, look at who we have become, almost like the bride of frankenstein,fake hiar nails , in some cases a crappy attitude. Just the other day I saw a beautful young black couple they had their baby and, before I could get back 2 the gas pump the woman had a real loud boaustrous mouth yelling at her man like he was her child, "look at U , U got the wrong kind of gas,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She did not stop but kept on ranting and raving until the car pulled off. We don't have the family structure that we use to have and many of the older females are not there 2 teach the young how 2 treat a man. The forieng women have this attribute over us and they R taking our men. This all starts from growing in a family enviornment. We nee 2 stick together 2 show our children how 2 love .:(

While I have sat back and read the full content of this post i have one question here. What statistics are any of you pulling from that leads you to the assumption that black men prefer to date outside of their race. Growing up in a extremetly diverse culture and living in many different areas of this country i don't find your opinions justified. But i shall reiiterrate that they are your opinions and i would hope they do not turn to assumptions.

Oooops, that point has passed already.

Bottom line, the society we werew born in, raised in and live in is enthnically diverse. Whether one finds if right of wrong it is a personal choice. As for me i don't date outside of my race. Why, simply because i prefer black, Ebony or whatever title you want to give them. Plus what i see is that when a black man dates outside of hiw race he is ostricized and criticized by black women who basically didn't want him in the first place. Some feel that this man dating out of his race is "scraping the bottom of the bowl" (not my opinion but a stated comment by a nubian woman who read this topic). When a black woman dates outside her reace, she is accepted and sometimes considered victorious.

There is a sad double standard here that seeps strongly out of some of the responses here...

I will say that was my opinion, and no I have never dated outside of my race and don't have the need 2, there are plenty of brothas who are attracted 2 me so thank God I don't have a problems with that one. I don't see anything wrong with IR dating but if we race mix 2 much our black race will fade away like the american indians, who race mixed with everyone black or white, now the government doesn't mind giving land to a select few. Like the issue in London when hair braiding was banned by law because if was deemed unsanitary by the profession of cosemetology only because they don't know how to do it. If we don't have enough people fight with us, and that means the people that have similar interest, we will loose.

don't and never wanted to date anything but EBONY
but don't hate on others who do, only Hope it's LOVE
and not self hate. But can't help but wonder why so
MUCH HATE IS DIRECTED AT THE BROTHERS IN HERE

I have not said 1 negative about the brothas so there are 2 sides 2 every story and I feel that some people may have negative experiences that they can't get over, but that happens 2 both men and women. I don't think anyone is berating the brothas in here. Brothas R :) cool with me:D

In response to Kemetstry's 12/7 comment at 7:07am,

I detected that you may have been trying to front on me, Brother. Frankly, and with all due respect, I could really care less if you made "typical female" comments or any other type of comment. Freedom of speech is something I respect and enjoy the free exercise of, myself. You don't know me; you can't offend me. And I don't recall having "misquote"d you.

You made some on point comments, and I agree with all you stated. Those ebony men AND women who berate their Ebony counterparts while having feelings of adequacy that are based on the fact that they have a non-Ebony mate have some serious issues with self. They are NOT "color blind"; no one is in a color-struck society. They are more aware of "color" than any of us, and choose their mates based on how much lighter is their skin.

You wrote: "Self balck luv starts from the black man and woman raising thier family 2gether and gaining our race back."

To that, I say, "Ashe".

You wrote: "Many black women R bieng left behind in this IR dating."

Which I don't see as a problem, for they are better off alone than with an ebony man who is shallow, brainwashed, whitewashed and has issues with being Ebony.

You wrote: "Some men leave the kids behind as well. Some start new families w/thier new found love, they leave thier family and call the IR rel. love. I say don't leave a black family behind and call it luv, casue it aint."

So true. Any male who can abandon his own offspring, to go after some other woman, regardless of her race, is not in love, but the opposite, he is in "hate"....with himself. No way you can look at your own reproduction of your own image and walk off toward something else and call it love. It is self hatred, period. To leave your Ebony image for a caucazoid image is an entirely different level of self hatred. It is a more severe, more debilitating, more relentless self-hatred, for it is less detectable, and more complex.

You wrote: ".....the woman had a real loud boisterous mouth, yelling at her man like he was her child, "look at U , U got the wrong kind of gas,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She did not stop but kept on ranting and raving until the car pulled off. We don't have the family structure that we use to have and many of the older females are not there 2 teach the young how 2 treat a man. The forieng women have this attribute over us and they R taking our men. This all starts from growing in a family enviornment. We nee 2 stick together 2 show our children how 2 love ."

I couldn't agree more. Our young women are taught nowadays that the "bitchy" attitude is the way of the black woman, among other stereotypical traits, and the young women buy into this, particularly when they never had a healthy set of parents to model themselves after, and the viscious cycle rotates continuously. But the bottom line is that not all Ebony women are that way, not all of them are clueless about how to treat their mate, care for their children and home, behave in public and interact with the larger society. I believe that the segment of Ebony women that fits the "nasty attitude" construct is smaller than we try and make it seem. Now do not get me wrong, we Ebony women have been trampled over and disrespected for so long and by so many--our newest assailants being our Brothers--that we really cannot help but develop a thick skin that may be accompanied by a "take no *&%#" attitude. So although much of the bad attitudes are unwarranted, a lot of our Sisters are rightfully scorned. That is CERTAINLY not to suggest that it is ever justifiable, wise or dignified to emasculate a man/mate who treats you well, just because you are a bully or hothead.

Dnommo inquired:

"What statistics are any of you pulling from that leads you to the assumption that black men prefer to date outside of their race?"

These statistics: a day does not go by when I do NOT see a MINIMUM of one couple that is black male/white female. When I only see one, I haven't traveled much that day. Conversely, PLENTY of days go by when I see absolutely NONE of my Sisters latched onto some non-Nubian descendant of the cavemen. That's all the evidence I need. But to compound that evidence, I rarely have ever even heard an Ebony woman speak ill of Ebony men and in the same breath speak highly of non-Ebony men. On the other hand, there have been countless occasions when I have witnessed ebony males speak ill of Ebony women, and praise non-Ebony women, or speak ill of Ebony women who have distinctly Afrikhan physical features, while flattering the physical features of Ebony women who more closely resemble the treacherous mutant race of females. I hope that answered your question.

Dnommo suggested: "Growing up in a extremetly diverse culture and living in many different areas of this country i don't find your opinions justified."

Although I have not lived out West, throughout my 28 years, I have lived all over the East, in the Midwest and Southern U.S., and I see the same sickening sights wherever I go. True story...just today, I was preparing myself to greet what I thought to be one of my Soul Brothers, at a Travel Plaza. The brother had a head full of fully developed locks that had obvoiously been growing for a number of years, and I just knew he had to be conscious and pro-Alkebulan. I couldn't wait for the cashier to get done talking to me, so I could make this brother's acquaintance. No sooner than I had almost done a right face, what of all things comes bounding into the joint to drape itself around him, but some ghastly looking, blue-eyed she-devil? I was appalled. I was confused. Although I had seen the same situation before, I couldn't shake the bafflement. I'm trying to figure out what is with these black males who pass themselves off as some Rootsman of some sort, and their lifestyle is in total contradiction.
I just don't understand.

Dnommo wrote: "But i shall reiiterrate that they are your opinions and i would hope they do not turn to assumptions."

Neither opinion nor assumption, but OBSERVATION.

Dnommo wrote: "Bottom line, the society we werew born in, raised in and live in is enthnically diverse."

Bottom line, the society we were born in, reared in and live in is racially hostile and racially intolerant. Different people of color react to the hostility and intolerance in different ways. Many black men react by being with non-Ebony women, and particularly with caucazoid women. That way, they believe that they have won the war against their white male oppressor. WRONG. They have LOST, because his main aim is not to keep the black male away from the caucazoid female, but to keep the black male away from the Ebony Wombman.

Dnommo wrote: "Plus what i see is that when a black man dates outside of hiw race he is ostricized and criticized by black women who basically didn't want him in the first place."

Please don't turn this into a lengthy debate. Those black males who flock to white females because they have been rejected by Ebony females turn to caucazoids because they could not get a light, bright, ****-near-white Ebony female to date them. Therefore, they REACT by choosing white. I've got cousins who fit the bill. I've got associates who fit the bill. I have acquaintances who fit the bill.

Dnommo wrote: "When a black woman dates outside her reace, she is accepted and sometimes considered victorious."

I believe that she is generally accepted because there is no evidence that she chose the male because of his whiteness. The white male is not a hot commodity among us, Brother. They want us, but WE DON'T WANT THEM. You can throw out all the statistics you want, but I have a whole lotta Ebony women in my circle, and not a single one is chasing an anglo-saxon fantasy. I know a LOT of people, and move about in a LOT of circles. The white male is not, to Ebony women, what the white female is to Ebony men. Period. No two ways about it.

To the Brother who said there is "hate" for the Brothers in this forum:

I would not :argue: with my :heart:Brothers:heart: if I did not

:luv:
:love:
:luv:

them.....

would I? You didn't hear how loudly my :heart: was thumping when I read some of the pro-Nubian:love: comments the Brothers in here made?

For the record:

Brothers in this forum, Nia Maishani LOVES:luv:LOVES you with a PASSION. ALL of you! No two ways about it.

But as a Nubian woman, I still have to speak my mind...

I live in CA and there is nothing here but non~black counterparts. The Black communities are gone, and that is all U C here are IR daters, it's strange 2 C AA couples together. The men seem to not even feel comfortable looking at another black woman here. Some of the black women have gotten so lonely that thier co-worker who may be non-black in some cases show more luv than a brotha has in a long time. You get tired of being lonely. Sometimes non-ebony seem to appreciate the ebony skin more. The University I go to, everyone in my class is married and are with the father of thier children and they are all caucasian. I'm suppose to be more mature than that , but I can't tell you how jealous I feel of the respect they have for one another, they have had many problems through out thier marriages but somehow they respect their families enough not to leave. IR daters have harder times than AA, but the men seem to have strayed more so than the women . I have never dated IR and never intend to, I will stay true 2 my peeps but I don't want to live alone 4 ever . It is very sad 2 C AA women breaking down now~days. Here in CA. a AA woman was arrested 4 beating her son 2 death. The younger generation of women may not be as strong as the older, she was unemployed and boy do I know how it feels here to be unemployed. I actively searched for a job 4 2 years here in Cali. and they do not hire blacks very often, they usually hire whites or mexicans. I have 3 children and go to school so I need a part-job and have not gotten one, just for a test, I cut style a wig to look like my own hair, and immediately I got hired,hhhmmm I wonder why? Cali. is now Mexico and mexican supervisors are growing in numbers and many will never hire black, this is a new growing problem here in Cali as well as IR dating. Our people are getting hit from all sides. Whoa!! "We still must believe God" .

:D Endee, Abish ala?? hahaha

That is the point many black women are tired of being alone, personally I could not date non~black but many women feel they have nothing to hold on too. Maybe the men feel the same way , I don't know.

Abisha,
That is what i was saying. As i have visited California (and was involved with a black woman from there) i find that there is a major difference from one coast to another. The West coast seems to have a smaller nucleus of AA whereas here on the east the ratio is opposite. A friend of mine recieved culture shock when they came here and saw the large amount of blacks. I didn't understand it until i visited Los Angeles and discovered that what i mostly saw was hispanic and white. I understand your point but i am simply saying that there should not be a double standard in here. I lived in Omlahoma for years and the culture shock for me was harsh. The truth is that i was sought after by white woman more than the black woman. But i never strayed. I choose black women simply because of the area i grew up in. If i lived in the midwest of the west and the environment was different then i might consider dating outside my race but i don't live there. I have seen the different which is why i cannot say it is wrong to date outside the race if it comes down to survival. You do what you must do but don't let the thoughts of the minority cloud your judgement.

Overall, i understand your situation.

I am so into ... "grown folk do what they wanna do" ... till it is my pat response for most choices I hear folk have made. They are entitled to their choices, as I am entitled to mine.

If we accept this premise, there will be little room for anything that resembles bashing.

Thank You Abisha for joining us and signing my guest book! :)

@Abisha-
Know what Sis, I would be no good in your area. Would have to relocate. I totally feel where you are coming from with the wig situation. A couple of years ago when I was between jobs, I actually had to break down and purchase a wig (can you believe it?) in order to conceal my natural hairstyle that the europeans are not ready for. As a matter of fact, I think the idea was presented to me by another Sister who has locks. It's a shame we have to go to these measures for white folk, but until I can get in gear and establish my own establishment, well...

But I have chosen a line of work (temporary until I complete Law school) where I don't have to pretend to be eurocentric or a conformist. I coordinate a youth outreach program, a job I landed after going on the interview with locks in full bloom (I did actually have a scarf headband on, but still). I do have a funny story though about going on one interview with the wig on--I saw my mother later the same day, and she pointed out that not only could you see the netting on the back of the wig, but a lock and attached cowrie shell was peeking out through the netting in back. How embarrassing; I thought I had been meticulous. Anyway, back to the discussion.

It was an interesting issue you brought up about our Sisters breaking down and losing it in various ways. The way some of them take their dejection, humiliation and dissatisfaction with life out on their children is extremely disturbing and an urgent issue that needs to be resolved. And another prevalent phenomenon among Ebony women, resulting from the ways we are portrayed and treated, is the situation of Ebony women settling down with (Ebony) men who are no good for them. It is an indisputable fact that most black women will hook up with a lazy, loafing, good-for-nothing black male before they will choose white. I think that part of it is that we don't want to crossover if there are still black men left, and the other part is that, generally speaking, Ebony women do not recognize their worth. Or either they underestimate their worth. I am asked often by men and women alike how come I am still unmarried. Simple. I know my own worth, and I know who I am. Brothers who have propositioned me have all been either unworthy or didn't know who they are, or both. I'm not trying to get married just for the sake of being married, like many women I know. But I know for a fact that there are PLENTY of worthy Brothers out there, who know who they are. I just have to find one who is unmarried, down-to-Earth, independent, and not too far outside of my generation. One who hasn't been with a white woman. (it's not too much to ask)

"Then the haterade the brothers are feeling must be some subconcious projection by some of you Nia. Because if you had bothered to look up the facts as I had asked, you would not still be spouting the inaccuracies."

Kemetstry-
Why are we arguing over apples and oranges? I have witnessed with my own eyes one reality, and you are offering me an entirely different reality that is based on "statistics"? Statistics can be manipulated to say anything you want them to imply. Census data is faulty, because a large percentage of the population did not even participate when the gov't was collecting the data. Furthermore, exactly how does "spouting inaccuracies" and not bothering to look up the statistics equate with being hateful? :rolleyes:. If our accusations do not apply to you, why get offended?

"Your emperical observations are not equivalent to the facts. You seem to be too willing to find more comfort in myths. I see a lot more black women going with white men, hispanics, etc."

Kemetstry, if it will make you happy, I will look at the data. I am unaware of where to locate it, so please do the honor of directing me to the proper resource. By the way, are you telling me that you see more Sisters in DETROIT dating outside of the race, than Brothers?

"And by the way, me telling you it is foolish to wear sandles and a sun dress in a snow storm, is NOT fronting you off."

LMAO! Was that supposed to be an analogy? I missed the parallel.

"Going outside our race is STILL rare. But until the last 10 years you guys were out doing us 100-1."

Now Kemetstry, 100:1? So Exaggeration is necessary?

"And I started off making pro nubian comments "...Just say no!..."

:heart:*thump*

"I choose black women simply because of the area i grew up in. If i lived in the midwest of the west and the environment was different then i might consider dating outside my race but i don't live there."

Actually, for most of my childhood and adolescence, I grew up in predominately white neighborhoods. I even went to a couple of schools where I was the ONLY student of color in the entire school. It was very common when I was in integrated schools, for me to be the only Ebony student in my classroom, or one of two Ebony students in my class. The situation never led me to develop a proclivity to seek white male companions, although at many points, my best girlfriend (and all my friends) was white. Even when I was in middle school, living in a basically all white neighborhood but getting "bussed" to an integrated school, my eye was always on some Brother. Never on the white boys. And the black boys (and girls), for the most part, rejected me, with the exception of a very select few. In most of their opinions, I talked white, walked white, dressed white, was built white, and behaved whitely. That did not stop me from seeking their approval and companionship. I have ALWAYS known where I belonged. By the time I got to the dating age though, (high school), I had relocated to a predominately Nubian city. So I suppose if I had been stuck in an all-white city where I had no affinity whatsoever with the Ebony community, maybe I would have wound up settling. But probably not. Lastly, if I can witness groups of Jungle Fever-having caucazoid females making the trek outside of their suburbs to place themselves in the company of Brothers every time there is an Ebony event taking place here (annual Reggae festival, Bob Marley birthday celebration, etc.), then I know that anyone who truly wants to be with their own can make some sacrifices as well. Or maybe I'm just misinformed.

...and I reiterate Destee's comments.

My apologies for congesting the thread.

wOW THANKS FOR SHARING THAT SIS.

It is against our rights as a person for us to to be made to wear our hair straight, if it naturally isn't and I have found that natural hair is so bold, flamboyant naturally until the beauty is unconcievable to ones who does not have this attribute. You should have seen this lady from Ethiopia; super skinny looked just like she was a super model her natural was so out there if Snoop Dogg would have seen her she would have been in his next video,. I have only seen the natruals in the 60's movies and to see how beautiful our hair looks natrurally long is almost majestic. I wear my hair in about 10 cornrows, because like many of our AA men; I want my hair to grow with out the fuss of chemicals. Now I have managed my hair with a perm and with the corn rows, my hair has grown so fast now it's growing like it did when I was a kid. We have been taught and trained that we are not beautiful with the natural curls we posses, but only if we let that hiar grow, it turns fluffy after awhile. I talked about this subject before,and feel that this is not like a psychdelic hair style where you have to put special things in it to look like it does, if we are required to fight fight for our (so-called ) country than we should have rights like others and wear our hair free, like they do. They wear thier hair natural from the roots and wash and wear, we should have the same rights and should not have to restrict our hair in false braiding. Wearing a natural is not a special tasks like some are lead to believe. If you waear a spiked hair do , that is a special tasks for your hair, but our hair comes out naturally beautiful from the scalp, no one else is restricted from wearing their hiar natural from the scalp and we should not have those restrictions. I could see if we had to do special things to our hair to get it in a natural, then I would call that rebellion, but how can it be rebellion when it comes natural. Corporate needs to change, since many of us are fighting for our country and come home to the same old stereotypes. Shame! Shame! Shame!

I love it here and than k God 4 U, it really takes a strong person to do what you have done, and I have nothing but admiration for Blacks that make it in a society such as this one, because although there are many obsticles we still shine . This is a place, a safety net for many and the atmoshere here is so diffrent from other sites, it's an amazing peace and calm, even if there is disagreements, there is much respect. God Bless U and Merry Christmas!!:toast:

Kemetstry ... the topic is interracial dating and my response was regarding it. I was simply suggesting that those who do date outside of their race ... do so because they wanna.

Is that better? :)

Now if you want to apply my thought to all things ... "grown folk do what they wanna" ... that can be easily done as well, because most grown folk do what they wanna do, regardless of and perhaps even, in anticipation of, the consequences (i.e, prison time).

I said nothing about right or wrong.

Awwwwww Abisha :love:

Thank You !!!

You leave me speechless, you're very kind, thank you :heart:

Abisha ... be sure to get ready for the Birthday Party :party:
And if you have any suggestions for games, please share them in
the Birthday Forum with us ... and vote on when the games should begin! :)

I'll be there for sure:toast:

Kemetstry ... you are just too deep for me ...

but for me...I want to live with...live for...love with...share with...educate with...grow old with...procreate with a blak/ebony/afrikan man!!!!!


Now, I can't say that it doesn't pinch nerves when I see I/R couples...maybe it's love (doubt it) maybe there are issues of self hatred and insecurities...also we have to look at the media.

I believe it was Nia who made a comment on "conscious" brothas that may or may not be locking that have white counterparts.
I also find this disturbing...they know the history and still choose to have "relations" with them??

There are Afrikan men here in Buffalo who are from Senegal that I work with. They teach the dance and drum, we travel, perform educate and they are also with white women. Every Saturday this instructor gives us history after dance class. With his white counterpart also participating, he openly shares that WE are the dominant race, all peoples originate in Afrika and even went as far as to say that we are superior and they have NO Culture. He also referred to Cheik Ante Diop and the proof you could find in his book. Learn your history...learn your culture...save your culture...but is he??? Yes and NO...

Okay... so why did he leave a sistah...a beautiful Afrikan sistah (one in Amerika and one in Senegal) to come to BUFFALO and be with this clingy, bologna smelling, blak man lovin white woman???

Yes...did I hear someone say

HYPOCRYTE

BTW...I dated a puerto rican: he was possessive/domineering/a weed head and an alcoholic

When I was a teenager I had a friend who was white...thought he was black...we were cool...he tried to kiss me...tried to buy me with gifts/clothes/flowers etc...and...we also had sex (something I regret to this day)...

We live and we learn...I've always been involved in afrikan dance but it wasn't until college that I was exposed to "consciousness".

Some of us DO learn from our mistakes!!

Lovin our blak kings!!!!!!

:heart: :love: :kiss:

Although true people can be with who they want to be with, but I find it ironic that whites asians and latinos frequently choose thier own race and we don't, when it comes to us , it's like if we don't agree with IR dating we are hateful and raciscits, when there is a whole host of non blacks who choose the same road and are not criticized. We blacks seem to be reprimined for choosing to be with our own;like why do you want to live close mined? Others who love thier own nothing is said. Don't get me wrong you do have those non blacks who date outside of thier own but it is very rare for them to settle down and make a family with them. Look at Jennifer Lopez. It seems as if the black men are very free with themselves, if you look in the dating ads the black men will have any race (no discretion of what he wants)anything, the non black men will specify and say latina, white asian. They usually specify the women who have light skin. There are women from India, Aboriginal, and etc. with dark skin you never hear any man asking to be with them, they are beauties too, but I wonder why, maybe they are not popular enough, like us black women. Now I am not saying all black men are this way, because they are not. I think Black men should date balck women. Non blacks can find love in the black race but most of them choose to find a love in thier own race. Why do we have to be so different?

simply coz we choose to venture off like strays just gotta test da water but this don't bother me at all i am me and what i like
and they r whom they be for what each like i have no shame
in my sistahs nor a brutha if they wish to date outside so be it
it maybe still going on as men being lynch for dating this way
but it's a free world .........don't mine me none just thinking
outloud..

Other races don't have the problems we have like self hatred, in many cases we treat other races with more respect than how we have treated our own, and in dating the same thing applies. Meaning it's nothing wrong with dating outside, nothing at all, but others choose thier own in droves. In Cali., that is all I see loving Married Mexican families with thier husband ,wife children. They look so good , when it comes to us the man is by himself with a child or the woman is by herself with 3. It is something deadly wrong for us to stray away from one another in droves. Here you don't see black family togetherness at all. Is this the wave of the future for us? No us

Poetess... what the "Hell" are you on about!? You sound like a "Bitter Black Woman"... if you lost a man or many men to "White Woman/Women"... I think you need to check your attitude.... It appears that you have an unconscious disrespect for Black Men.... you seem more intent on fostering conflict instead of understanding and cohesiveness between Black Men and Women. I don't date or want to date a white woman, but I also don't want a "Bitter Black Woman" who is confrontational and has a healthy disrespect for me specifically or other Balck Men, generally. Check your history, check what is going on between Black Men and women around the word, and also in your community. You will see that most Black Men are in relationships with Black Women. True, they may not be ideal, and Black Men I will admit have a lot to do with this, and we have a lot to answer for in how we treat our Black Queens. Even though your above comments/rants (I don't consider it poetry, NOT even BAD peotry) have some truth in it, it is NOT the truth about the dynamics of the relationships between us. Be wise.

Mr. Asabagna, and other's who have comments about the posted poetry. First of all I am not a bitter women nor have I personally lost a black man to a white woman. There is no white women clever enough to take my black man, however the poetry posted was designed for a customer I design Custom-Poetry for my customers and this particullar customer of mine has developed low self-estem as a result of what the poetry decribes. I did not inform you of this to hide behind it, however I'm not blind and I am intouch with what goes on in society. I do not bash black men I love them dearly, however black men are guilty of every single line. What you need to do is a reallity check on what's being stated and try being a reallist about what's really going. Each and every line is true: perhaps your negative opinion about my poetry simply describes you? For the record opinions are like (A) holes we all have one. If the shoes fit's wear it! NO OFFENCE INTENDED JUST STACKING TRUE FACTS!!!!! Might I suggest YOU check your history and what's going around you, it appears you have a real problem with truth?

LOL..... I rest my case...............

Poetess and Asabagna ... have I missed something :confused:

Where is this poetry you are speaking of Asabagna ... Poetess ??

I looked back in this thread but could not find what you all are talking about. I wanna read it too. :)

:heart:

Destee

Destee
I'm not sure what happen to the thread but I will re-post it!

Some take offence to "Sisters, Sistas Make no Fuss" and it was not written to offend any body, it's just stacking real every day viewable facts.:D

Sisters Sistas Make No Fuss

Sisters, sistas make no fuss you’re every thing she desires to be, let us discuss.

Your naturally kinky wavy hair, wouldn’t you know she’d dare?

Your naturally full lips, for her is only a myth.

Your naturally plump boobs wouldn’t you know she had to have some too.

Your naturally dark tanned skin she had to tan just to fit in.

Your naturally full but-tock; is something she can only achieve by working on round the clock.

As for your black babies, all she can produce is a maybe?

As far your black lingo, when she speaks it, it’s mangled and tangled.

Our black men are just not comfortable with skin they’re in, so he forsakes his very own kin.

He treads on uncharted waters and has forsaken his Mother, Sisters and Daughters.

Oh, but hold on, he’s black and he will come back.

Weather you go and get him or she sends him back. He cannot fit in her world, simply because he’s black…And that’s a fact.

History has reigned her superior, look around; now she’s inferior.

Sisters, Sistas make no fuss, be comfortable with the skin you’re in unlike hers it’s thick, not thin.

You are everything she desires to be seen; because you are that beautiful Nubian Queen.

Fret no more, I have just told you the score, you are all that, because she constantly perpetrates you behind your back.

Brother’s, Brother’s can’t you see; your sister’s are admired by her in every degree.

It has been said black men do it because it’s the trend; when in fact they are both uncomfortable, with the skin they’re in.

Face the facts so you don’t have to retract or regret that your beautiful black women had no choice but to turn her back.

When it’s all said and done; the black woman has already won.

So Brother’s don’t bash her because of your shortcomings, be fair and admit you just can’t deal with a real woman.

Don’t let crossing the line make you bitter towards your very own; eventually it will make you want to moan or even grown.

God made you black and no man can change that.

So Sistas, make no fuss because you’re strong and bold; when it’s all said and done only the truth will hold…You are that admired precious pot of gold.


(stay tune for Brother's Brotha's Can we Talk)

Brothers Brothas can we talk
Brothers Brothas can we talk, let’s put and end to all the squawk.

Brothers hold on to your black women she loves you, she needs you, she’ll never turn her back…again I say hold on…so you don’t have to retract.

My Brothers you are strong and brave don’t let the opposite race cause you to stray.

Brothers: You are being watched by the white man, as you know he is the clan, with every chance he gets he’ll throw you in the can…just look at situation at hand.

Your Mother raised you as a black man, not to be lovers of the clan. Is this the thanks she gets, because you don’t apply your black wit?

Crossing the line for some is mistaken for grace and if it’s grace than it shouldn’t turn you against your very own race.

History has showed how treacherous she is with her schemes, when in fact she’s not as clever as she may seem.

Brothers you are so uncomfortable with the skin you’re in…so you desire her…I question that trend?

She desires you only because you are a stud, but when the chips fall she’ll treat like mud.

She comes after you for pure sexual pleasure, but there’s so much more to life than pleasure…What about Measure?

What about your beautiful black treasure, now that’s something she can’t even measure.

True enough you are well endowed. Don’t think with it…and forsake black women and child.

Whether you go home or she sends you back. You cannot fit in her world, simply because you’re black…And that’s a fact.

She tears your manhood down by wanting to strip you of your black crown…hold on to your root, when it’s all said and done she’ll give you the boot.

Why cross the line, only to fine, you’ll have to crawl back…in due time.

She’s perpetrates your beautiful black Queen just so she can be seen my Brothers…please don’t be green.

Brother’s, Brothas can’t you see; your sister’s are admired by her in every degree, you’ve already got that fine black Queen, as for her it’s merely a dream.

Your sisters are neither jealous nor trying to cause any rebel just trying to protect her interest from that blue-eyed devil.

Stand tall, you and your black women can have it all. She’s worthy for you to adore, together you can soar.

You are both strongly desired, as a black-couple you are to be admired.

God made you black; no man can change that.

Brothers Brothas can we talk; re-examine your actions and your walk…so we can put and end to the entire squawk.

I have just told you the score…need I say more?

Poetess great is the joy of heart when the words of the wise are spoken in due season, these poems are right on time ,:toast: I LOVE :love: your post:wave:

Thank You Abisha

I know I came in late on this poem, but sista gurl I just had to let you know that the poem...Sistahs, Sistahs Make No Fuss is totally off the chain...my, my, my, my, my! :jumping:

The poem to the brothas is well written also, but I must say some brothers who crossover, actually crossover for love sake. In other words, what I'm trying to say is that some, however, few it may be, are comfortable in their skin. :) They just happened to fall in love with someone who (these brothas in particular, don't bash black women) happen to be white. However, for the most part, most who crossover, will, like you said...be BACK!

The problem with this though is that some black women (I know some personally) don't want a brotha who has been with a white woman. They feel that this is a sure sign that he is weak minded and has not come to grips with who he truly is. He was probably bashing the sistahs when he was with his white woman,
now he wants to bash white women when he crosses back over.
This attitude stinks with some sistahs and he is termed as "two-face". When it comes down to it, he should not be bashing anybody, because we are all equal in God's eyesight. We simply have different physical features on the outside for the sake of significance and variety. If I was God, I would have gotten bored
dipping into the same pot and pulling out the same type of folks with no color change or other variations. :) He has always been a God of variety and everything He made is good. With some of the brothas I've seen, I would say God did an extra ordinary job on them:D Those be some gorgeous thangs for the eyes to behold. Good salve for sore eyes.

Anyway, I truly felt your poem all the way. At my workplace, the sista's are always getting envious stares. This poem was way too tight sistah gurl.

Joyce

Now folks and fam, let's put the guns and knives on the table,
This 'Interracial Tale' has gotten some of us UNSTABLE!
I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE after more than 480 years,
This ONE TOPIC is the cause for so many fears!

As a people, we're worth more than 680 Billion (and counting),
Instead of 'worrying' we should shouting!
We've beaten this horse until its dead--and glue!
Now YOU take a walk in a Brothers' shoes!

You see....

Back in the Bible, we ALL came from the Motherland,
This was part of God's Master Plan!
Adam and Eve were the color of the earth;
(White folk weren't though of...this is a subject of mirth!)
Miriam Tried to put her lips on Moses,
Was made a Leper--she was almost pushing up Roses,
All because he married a Dark Skinned Queen,
To God it was a joy, but to some it was obscene!

If I remember my Bible right,
Solomon and Sheba came out alright!
They thought Paul was a Real Black Man,
Didn't use Coppertone, had that 'natural' Hebrew tan!
John on Patmos couldn't stay White;
Heston, Douglass....nowhere in sight.


Sisters....
Brothers love you with all their might;
But on THIS issue, some of y'all ain't Right!
You'll DOG a brother who dates/marries a White (or another raced) woman;
But, SOME of you won't give him the time of day, when HE'S ready AND willing;
He's working two jobs and going to graduate school,
SOME of y'all think he's a FOOL!
When HE'S ready to wed,
He spies you in another culture's WEB!

So...Let's...
Put all the cards, out on the table, whether its oak or cherry!
Why didn't y'all get mad at Halle Berry,
with Travolta, Monster's Ball, and now a new Bond fable?
(Could it be...you didn't WANT to see?)
Her BLACK husband didn't stick around for cable,
He walked out the theater, as quick as he could;
Don't tell me where he 'Should' have stood!
But, I won't be shocked if divorced papers were served;
All because Halle was in her own little world.


Roll Call....
Roger Ebert has a BLACK wife,
Diana Ross has been flirting...ALL of her life;
What about Grace with Roger Moore?
Gladys Knight left Les Brown,
Now She's a Mormon Clown!
Dionne Warwick, that Psychic Bore,
So many others...Haven't got time for more!
Sisters...If YOU ain't the 'property' of a Black Man, or Black Race;
HE ain't YOURS, unless you waive his ring in our face!
If NO BODY owns you, YOU CAN'T OWN!
Getting mad and full of envy will put you in a HOME!


You'll note...
There are a few of You who want the BROTHERS to keep silent when some of y'all have been 'dating/marrying' white!
You want the BROTHERS to be restrained when you bag a Norweigan for the night!
You want the BROTHERS not to be seen when you've dated Korean!
(Are you starting to get at my true, blue meaning?)


Let us...Keep on....
Walking in a Brother's Shoes....
'If' we 'date/marry' white, some of y'all have the blues;
'If' we 'date/marry' black, some of y'all have a fit;
'If' we 'date/marry' red, some of y'all act like you've been bled;
'If' we 'date/marry' yellow, some of y'all act like we're out our head!
It's a big, big world, and oceans of blue;
We should be saying: "If you find love...GOOD FOR YOU!"


A Black Man will only go where he is invited;
If he's not with you...don't GET excited!
If you've got you OWN man, love him ALL the more;
DON'T be worried about what goes on NEXT DOOR!
From the posts and poems and words I've seen,
Sisters are more upset with a Black Man's 'color scheme'
If I may, be so BOLD!
Love does not come with a COLOR CODE!

(I'm heading for a close, here...)

Put youself in a Brother's place...
We've been PROPOSITIONED by EVERY race!
Whistled at by women of every color,
Hounded by women old enough to be our mothers,
Called by girls from every sphere,
(Some of them 'shaking it' beyond their years!)
Chinese, Japanese, Italians from Rome;
Thank GOD I'm married and I tell them to LEAVE ME ALONE!
If you are a Male Black Teen's Mother,
Your phone's been ringing off the hook, it won't let you slumber!
ALL kinds of girls steadily calling,
Sisters today are constantly trawling;
YOU'D better teach HIM what girls to stay away from,
And from ALL temptation, he'd better RUN!

My Sisters...Like I said from the start...
Take a walk in a Brother's shoes,
Let the RIGHT MAN to you be true blue;
Don't 'fake' concern for the 'strength' of the race,
We've been here since the dawn of time and we ain't going no place;
If YOU are concerned about who's dating The Black Man,
DON'T play games if a BROTHER asks for your hand;
Sure, some relationships DON'T work out,
But, chalk it up to experience, please don't pout!
And, if you feel the urge to beat the IR Horse...its DEAD...its GLUE!
Please take the time to think....
And Walk in a Brothers shoes!

You see, We're linked by heritage...through and through!
Who A Brother Date's shouldn't matter to you,
If your hand is empty, and there is no ring;
Don't help God by having a fling!
If you want a man, don't get uptight!
He's gonna find you, if you are UPRIGHT!
Be the best you can be, and he will too!
When the time is right, he will find you!
But when you feel envious, and tempted to sin;
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE....Read my words AGAIN!

Cause, it's ALL about LOVE

Mike Ramey

crossing da line ..... i agree wit Keme......y'all better listen to him

Rich and Kem: Sometimes, ya have to be off the hook to make a point. And, on this matter...the brother's have been damned if they do, damed if they don't, and need Johnny Cochran just to go out on a date!

Hopefully, when more of the brotherhood responds, issues like this will 'die out'. Then we can ALL get back to the business of praying FOR one another, instead of 'layin lips and keys' on one another.

Victory!

Mike Ramey
:eek:

Actually I could care less whose bed a brother wants to get in that is his business, however is becomes everyones business when they leave a pregnant woman behind. That happens to often in the black community. The woman is pregnant and is left behind, the child in most cases never knows his father. Statistically Other nationalities seem to feel that if they make a baby with a female, that is an indicater that he has a family now and they try to do the right thing and make a commitment. Many of the black men blame the woman soley if a child is invovled after an intimate union, and turn and hate or despise the female and the child. Most of us women are sick and tired of the relationships that end this way. When we are black we must keep our pants up and live upright, when you are any other race it's ok to have sex on the first date because that black man is so in love they get married the next day. If a black woman does it, the brother leaves and she deserves what she gets too, according to some of you. To me it seems that other nationality of women get by with sexual sins with flying colors and it's alright with you brothers because no matter what she does just so she is not black it is fine with you, your love for her is as deep as the deepest sea and it's ok because that is the way God wants it. Statistically black women will raise children and children will be thier only family, that sounds like a curse not a blessing, and it is our fault because we should already know that we are not loved as much as other women are cherished by not only thier own but by our most treasured black men, how lucky they are.

I know that I have ebony skin
according to man everything I do is a sin,
if I have sex like all the rest
I am condemed for trying to find the best.
If I have a child with my ebony King ,
"On My Own" is the song I will sing.
Come to me with your sting
for I am black , I am only your fling.
You meet me to only give temporal pleasure
but to any other you desire destiny forever
Why am I here left to cry and fear
To have sex,children and no man near
The love of man is not my only reason to live
But without love what kind of love can I give
Without love what kind of love can I recieve
non ebony is loved by all
ebony is so differnt
only a God in heaven can help us feel tall
If it were not for him I would have no love at all
Without my Ebony King near I will cry a silent tear
Together with his children I will be
I hope they don't grow to despise me

i agree wit ya sistah !!!!

It all boils down to choice! I may not like it. YOU may not like it. But, Adults...like Destee said...have the freedom to make their OWN decisions. You can advise all you want, but folk have to make their own decisions.

And, with all of the poetry and verse flying on Black Love, it still boils down to you and your household. It matters NOT what the CULTURE is doing. Are YOU raising (within the walls of your house) YOUR children the right way? If you are NOT married, but HAVE children, I've seen single parents raise some GREAT kids, regardless of who controls the mainstream press...or not.

If you are NOT married, and don't have children, you are putting forth the hope that when HE finds you, HE will be the one GOD wants you to have, and you are both going to be going the SAME direction...with the same plans, and the same concern about the family. I PRAY that you DO have the right man come into your life. A strong, caring, loving, Christian Black King, and he will treat you like the Queen you deserve to be treated.

But....

Until that time comes, you have to play the cards you are dealt in life. And you have to realize that people have the freedom to do, act, and live the way they want to. It may upset you, but its their life. God, as powerful as HE is, cannot overrule a person's freewill.

Let me also add this. It is your perception, and opinion, that Black Women are 'penalized' more harshly by others because some of them didn't keep their morals up. In reality, NO ONE is going to skate past GOD with lose living. It is not a good idea to think that folks are going to get away with something because their morals are bad...black, white, yellow, brown, or red. To 'envy' someone (or a group of someones) because they seemingly 'get away' with loose living is a farce at best.

WE DO RESPECT OUR WOMEN...but many of them don't seem to care if Black Men do, or don't....save many of the honorable sisters and brothers I have met in this fam. The fam on Destee.com's boards is the exception...and I hope the rule! WE have to change our people's attitudes by RESPECTING OURSELVES FIRST...meaning, no shacking, cheating, creaping, or sleeping around, AND living this message to the best of our abilities on a daily basis.

As far as the other cultures...well, look at their own toteboards. They dominate the welfare rolls, the abortion mills, and the media. People of color have fewer abortions, there are fewer of us on welfare, and more and more of us have great marriages, own our own homes, and have children who are not in trouble with the law.

The PERCEPTION created to try to destroy us is that the Black Man is not responsible, and the Black Woman is independent! These 'lies' have backfired on the perpetraitors! Columbine didn't happen in the 'hood, but in the 'burbs! More and more white kids are on Ritalin, Prozac, Zoloft, and a hundred other drugs.

IF that ONE man finds you; that ONE BROTHER whom you've been praying for, your WHOLE perception WILL change. Until then, keep on believing it CAN happen, if GOD wants it to happen.

Mike Ramey

Choices choices we must make
Make the right choice for God's sake
or the wrong path you may take
the right way you forsake
When it comes to love
you can not fake
if you hurt a Golden heart
thier soul the world will scrape
if God they do not accept
with the devil they will be kept
and thier broken heart is left to wept
The Sea of Choices we are at
I'm sure your mother told you that
If your father is not there
Think of him when you look through the air
If you call him and he does not answer
Don't let it eat your soul like a Cancer
Color has no function
but the choice to not to choose black is only an option
Chioces choices we are free to make
becasue no ones soul we could give or take
ONly God in heaven has that choice
being black in this world is groovy but we have lost our voice
We lost our voice because of how shocked some of us are
because the choice we make may leave a permenant scar.
Others are chosen as I stand by the way side
sadly wishing to be chosen before I die

The unwanted ebony queen to some it seems that life is mean
Many of us have not flowing hair
instead it seems as if we have shampooed out hair with Nair
We put on wigs to have a radiant flair
we want to look as others do
but only ourselves we do fool
We could never look differnt because of our skin
That is the way our lives began
Trying to fit, shape or mold our lives
to be accepted by this world before we die
Our only acceptance is God above
He will hold our black skin in his arms
and give us love from above
He told me my skin is as soft as a dove
What manner of man is this that would lay down his life for a ebony freind
Jesus did not turn me away because of my ebony skin
no matter what his color was he told me I am his kin
He did not look at my skin and skip me
thank God praying to him is free
because if it cost money Minorities would be left out
because ebony skin always does without
There are reasons but we're always the poorest
the ones who carries the most dealdiest diseases so they say
but thank God we can have him and all we have to do is Pray

Abisha: WHEN you get married, invite the fam to the event!

The last two weddings I went to, the Queens looked very happy with their Kings. Those two Queens didn't look 'forgotten' to me!

It only takes the RIGHT man to make the RIGHT woman happy. If THEY are happy, and going to same direction...that's all that matters.

Like Destee said (and I'll paraphrase) "You can't tell ADULTS anything...they are going to DO what they WANT!"

I hope that you are posting your poetry in the poetry section; there are a lot of people who should read your words. But, I haven't changed my 'opinion' and you haven't changed your 'opinion'. We just have to agree to disagree! That DON'T mean, I don't respect you...and I TRUST it goes both ways!

Mike Ramey

I don't disagree with you Mike , I know we all do what we want and I am not a slave master to try and hold a brother down in chains, I am free and so is he so how ever our people turn out let it be.

Peace

Abisha:

Like the Bard said back in the course, and never through,
"To Thine Own Self--Be True!"
I KNOW those Wedding Bells will ring,
Once a King discovers you, his Queen!
I know many have said, Black folk are down for the count,
And continue to highlight our troubles, for them to mount;
But, WE trust In Christ, he died for us,
He also rose...no muss, no fuss.

BUT...

Those 'naysayers' have troubles too;
Ritalin, Prozac, Zoloft bills due.
Abortion rising, homes breaking up,
Other cultures on welfare--this is more than enough!
They try to burn OUR houses down,
Yet, the torchers contine to look like CLOWNS.

Just be encouraged, and never stray
Get ready for your own wedding day!
Give your King that love you write about,
He'll be a man above men whom others will shout!
Don't give up, I know I'm through;
Rest in what God has provided for YOU!

Mike Ramey

:love:

The hardest word in the English language is WAIT!

Mike Ramey

I don't see anything wrong with it....

We are all in a sense...looking for a kindred spirit that we can grow and learn with....whose to say that the spirit you are in sync with is in a shell that is not of color....that you should run, not walk away?

We are more alike than we are un-alike....

Abisha ... Hey Sis ... :love:

I want you to know that you are not alone. There are many single black women, raising children by themselves, often wondering why they are having to bear the weight of a task meant for two. I too am a single mother, 3 babies. While reading your posts, I feel your pain and discouragement. Beautiful poetry by the way and like Mike, I think you should share it in the poetry forum.

Sis, you are not alone. We, you and I, have found ourselves in this situation and must be as positive and hopeful about it as possible. So much depends on our frame of mind, how we view and process things. Our children are watching, learning and depending on us to show them how to best deal with life situations ... when the sun is shining and when the skies are dark.

It's not always easy to focus on the positive things in our lives, when we have storms raging all around us, when our hearts are heavy and we're tired of struggling and fighting ... but we must dig deep within ourselves to do this anyway. The babies are depending on us. It's our duty to show them how.

Abisha, no relationship comes with guarantees and in this day and time, the chances are great that it won't last forever. Let's fast forward 20 years, your daugher has married, had children, and for whatever reason ... divorced. She finds herself raising babies alone. What would you say to comfort her heart? What will she have to look back on, from her own childhood, for direction and guidance during her rough times? You must prepare her now, by the way you deal with life situations, for this and all possible things she may experience in the future.

For me personally, I find it very easy (at this point in my life) to focus on the things that I do have and stay busy thanking God for them, praising Him that He saw fit to bless me so abundantly. If I begin looking at all the things that I don't have, gosh, I could spend the rest of my life depressed.

My daughter is about to go away to school and I am finding myself teaching her more and more, these last few days we have together, to be thankful for what God has blessed her with ... rather than crying about the things He has yet to give. I want her to hone this skill, because the little things she's crying about now, will not compare to what she has yet to experience ... and I want her to know how to look up, be thankful and go through like the victor she is. I want her to be able to teach my grandchildren, so it's important that I teach her.

I tell her that God is able to do all things and if she finds herself going through something that is unpleasant, she must go through, thanking God in the midst of it. We don't always know why, or to what specific good this situation can be ... but if we believe and trust that God is the head of our lives, and He has control of all things ... then there can be peace and comfort in the midst of any storm.

Abisha, be encouraged my dear darling Sister, know that what God has for you, no one can deny you. If you believe like your poems indicate ... your days will be filled with much joy and peace ... in spite of the fact that you don't have everything you want ... right now this minute.

:heart:

Destee

@ Destee

I am not happy to see that I am not alone
I don't want other ebony queens to sing this song
I wish we all had no troubles
and no one to burst our childhood bubbles
however that is not how life goes
as our troubles mount our spirit will grow
and we have our spirit from God
even in the time of Amastad
God sits high and he looks down low
he made all of us and he enjoys this show
because we are made to help each other when our resources are low
God has used us to help each other flow
and sometimes what we reap is what we sow
what we get is what we give
whether live is good or not we must live
God is our day that walks us through the night
he gives us each other to go our plight
Ebony Kings and Queens at work or school or play
let love each other so our help will stay
Let God love you all you must do is pray
Pray for those who have gone astray
because they will come back some other day,
one day they will see
that all you have to do is pray and you will be free
love has no color so people say
why are the non ebony sisters getting all the play
if all one needs is a soul mate to love
and pretend there is no color involved
if that were so
Ebony queens would not be left
as a past fixture upon a shelf
If color was blind why are so many Ebony Queens left behind?

Tysha Lema

ps. Destee you are a great Ebony Queen, and I think I will post this in the poetry section too!! hahaha:toast: You have encouraged me so many ways, God Bless U

Abisha ... you encourage me as well and I think you are a great Ebony Queen ... :love:

Tell me if I'm wrong, but I hear this "woe is me" or "woe is us" message in your words ... which makes me want to share this story my Mother shared with me years ago ... when I was wallowing in my own pity ...

Momma told me that God does not love me any more than He loves the homeless woman who is living out of a cardboard box with her 3 children. Momma said, the difference between me and her is that I am crying about my situation (safely inside my own home) but that woman is thanking God that things are as good as they are.

Many women are raising children alone, for a number of reasons, white ones too. Certainly white folk have had (and perhaps still have) more opportunity than we do. Add all of their opportunity to the fact that some black men choose them over us ... can't help but hurt.

But Abisha, why focus your eyes in that direction? Especially since it causes so much pain. Instead, look at our Sisters (and Brothers and their children) dying in Africa from AIDS, starvation and a host of other things. Look at the women in Afghanistan who just a few months ago could be killed at any man's whim. Many of these same women now digging out their loved one's corpses from rock and rubble, living in what we would consider terrible conditions. Look at the woman, here in America, with children who she can't control, pacing every night wondering where they are or when they will come home. Look at the mother who is raising babies alone and they are sick and she can't afford to buy them medicine or provide them quality health care. Look at the woman who has a man but he's beating her every day. Look at the woman who has a husband, yet she feels so all alone. Look at the woman who must bury her child. Then look at us, our problems seem so trivial. There is peace in our home, our children are healthy and safe, we can look into their bright, shiny, smiling faces ... and know we are blessed. We have much to be thankful for ... so much so ... that there is little time to mourn the things we do not have (including a man).

All of these examples, including yours, are real. We choose where we want to focus our energies. If we choose to focus in an area that brings our heart sorrow ... we will be sad. If we choose to focus in an area that provides evidence beyond a shadow of a doubt ... that we are blessed ... then we will be happy. It's all a choice.

Trials and tribulations are a part of life, as much a part as death. While we would hope that none ever have any, that none would ever die ... that's just not life. Not real life anyway.

Just wanting you to stay positive and be encouraged for a spirit such as yours deserves nothing less. God Bless You Too.

:heart:

Destee

I thank God Destee that I have a significant other in my life at this time, but I still remeber what it is like to feel as if , I am standing on the side line and wanting to get chosen or loved, as sad as it may sound , I want to let others know that there is someone who shares the pain, the same pain and understands their hurt, I am doing well now but I ask the Lord not to let me forget where I came from and how it felt to be there. Many times just because things are o.k. for me , it does not mean some other Ebony queen is in my position. I am talking to the queen who wants to give up the fight, and no we may not be in Afganistan but suicide rates in this country is soaring, we may not live in a cardboard box but many are dead inside. Better living conditions but the end result seems to be the same (tragedies) they are all around. I may not understand the Afgani plights in which I am sure they have some, but I do know and understand what it is like to be in the desulate shoe feeling no love and I just wanted to express , like Job did in his book in the bible; while in his darkest night God helped him to see the light. In no way would I complain but I do acknowlegde that being Ebony you experiance certain pains. Many may take it easy and light but so many others have a man in thier life to help them fight. I don't see myself as negative at all, I feel that I am expressing what many are ashamed to say, because they don't want toehrs to know they feel that way, not angered at interracial dating, but sad because non black women seem to be the only ones mating.

I think many ebony kings think that we are angry at them for IR dating and that is not it at all, many of us are sad and we don't hate the white women because they can not help it because the males from all around the globe desire them, that is the way they were born and I am not mad at our men for choosing them , I could care less who they choose but there are too many black women with thier kids as their only family, for the Afgans it takes a war to separate them from the love of their life , but here in the states there is war , but it is so mental that it is destroying our family units , it is a silent killer of black families. Statistically the black community is in trouble, big trouble is dying out and for some reason , if color is so blind why are the majority of blacks separated from one another? If color was blind like they say we would be in the mix of society not the ones that get left out so many times. And no I am not saying the whites are mistreating us, I am talking of how we mistreat one another .

many women act angery when they see an IR couple and they do that to cover the saddness . We have no right to feel sad when we see a lovely IR couple walking down the street, and actually it's quite childish but it seems to be a natural feeling in all races , other women do not like to see black women IR dating their races either. I don't know if they are sad about it like us or not , but they clearly show thier distaste for it also. The families of IR daters also display this behavior and some cases they display a worse spirit than anger but hatred. What the problem is with it I really don't know but every race is feeling uncomfortable about black/white dating. A white can date an Asian and not be looked upon as a disgust, but you let a black be with any other race and all hell breaks looks, you can see it in people's eyes like it is so disturbing. Other races can mingle and not be noticed. Color is not blind

one uncle is married to a japaneese woman
another uncle was married to a white woman
have one uncle married to a hispanic woman
my gradfather's mother was white
my father's mother was a creek indian