Mike Ramey
08-29-2003, 10:41 PM
RESURRECTION--OF THE GRAY HEADS
Brothers, lest you think that you know me, let me introduce myself.
I am a ‘Gray Head’.
Or, for a better and more up-to-date term, I am a proud, card-carrying member of the ‘Old School’.
Now, over the last few years, a few older members of the opposite sex have been making headlines and bylines about how some ‘younger man’ has paid them a compliment, or ‘swept’ them off their feet, or ‘treated’ them better than men ‘their’ age. Their writings, ranting, and bragging remind me of a conversation that happened between two good ‘sistahfriends’ a few years back.
One sister had never married. Her friend had been married three times, and all three of her husbands eventually died. As the two women sat in the widow’s mansion before a roaring fire with glasses of their favorite beverage, the single woman looked up at the mantle and saw the three urns of ashes of her friend’s ‘dearly departed’. She remarked to her friend: “Hazel, I’ve never been married…but you’ve had husbands to spare. What’s your secret?” Hazel sipped her drink, and smiled. “Monique, I made sure that I keep them ALL ‘tired and happy’ at HOME!”
Now, I don’t know about you…but THAT’S true wisdom.
It is ONLY something that one can learn along the road of maturity.
WHEN DID YOU DISCOVER ‘IT’?
It seems that one of the more interesting reflections of our day is for younger people to ‘banter’ about wisdom. Books clog store shelves, articles criss-cross the Internet. Television shows eagerly display the ‘under 30’ crowd discovering wisdom like it was a lost treasure from a forgotten age. My pastor, the Rev. Dr. Fitzhugh L. Lyons Sr. of Indianapolis, Indiana echoes some real wisdom:
“If you THINK that you truly know…just keep on LIVING!”
Young…and not-so-young folks will eventually ask a Gray Head: “Well, how old were you, when you woke up and discovered the ‘keys’ to life?” Please keep in mind that I am speaking from a man’s perspective. If the truth be told, many, many, many women won’t admit to their age--plus ‘only their hairdresser knows for sure (LOL)’. If you really want to see an older woman smile on her next birthday, say that she one of the three following ages: 18, 21, or 25. Then, STOP brothers. You’ll have a friend for life!
That is WISDOM.
But I digress.
If the truth were told, I’m one of those ‘rare’ breeds of brothers who always wanted to ‘be’ older. When I was younger, I would ‘hang out’ at times with the older brothers playing checkers at the Barber Shop. I would make it a point to listen to discussions that my parents had with some of their friends on the political issues of the day. I was older than my years, because I had prepared myself to be older. I liked older people because they seemed to have it going on. My wife is even a few years older than I am--because I have always admired older women.
But, that’s another story…for another day.
However, if I would have to pick an exact age, I would have to pick the age of 30.
To me, that’s when the ‘lights’ came on--and my brain was home.
Brothers, I might as well make it plain. You can’t develop, nor have the capacity for wisdom, unless you LIKE to hang out with older people and LISTEN carefully to what they have to say. Learn from their battles. Find out what strengths and weaknesses that they possess, accept the good--and drop the bad.
Wisdom, as the Bible proclaims, is always searching for a man who wants to make room for her. When wisdom comes searching for you, don’t pretend that you are not at home. Open the invitation, and invite wisdom IN!
MAY PLUS DECEMBER MAY EQUAL TROUBLE:
It has been said that one cannot teach an old dog a new trick.
That’s not entirely true. If an old dog wants to learn, a new trick is nothing to them, provided the dog had enough wisdom in the first place to understand that learning something new would benefit them in the long run.
On my ‘real’ job, a new computer system was ushered in. Some of the older workers were starting to quietly rant about taking their ‘retirement’ and heading home, rather than to ‘deal’ with the new technology. Last time I checked, not only were these older workers still on the job…they had mastered the ‘new trick’ in the form of this new computer system.
I--like you--have read and heard about older men/younger women or older women/younger men dynamic. Oh, folk go on and on about how ‘great’ and ‘satisfying’ the relationships with a younger love can be.
In reality, brothers, if you ‘pick’ right, it will ‘be’ right.
Buzzing around from flower to flower may be great for bees…but not for men. Famed inventor Henry Ford was asked once, how he had stayed married for such a long time.
Ford, without batting an eye, spoke some truth:
“Stick with one model…period!”
Truth and wisdom go hand in hand.
As I mentioned in a previous column, a 40-year-old man cannot hoop, chase, dress and drink like a 21-year-old. However, the 40-year-old can TEACH a younger man something far more important: How to reach the age of maturity with their character, morals, and mental faculties intact.
A HIDDEN REALITY OF MARRIAGE:
Brothers, this piece of wisdom is NOT found in many marriage books…except in the Bible. Your wife is a direct reflection of Y-O-U. Thus, as a husband, it is your duty to train and mold your wife into being all she can be, to the glory of God and to your faithfulness as her husband. On the other side of the coin, the same can be said about your wife. She is to be your ‘helpmeet’, the woman who ‘completes’ your picture of all that you can become, to the glory of God and to her faithfulness as your wife. One wise woman remarked: “It is the DUTY of a wife to HELP her husband BE all he can BE!”
I do realize that this kind of talk may spur some fireworks among some singles.
Well, get married and see IF I am making this stuff up! Step up, marry up, and make your OWN marriage work! ‘Living together’ is NOT marriage. ‘Weekends at the house’ is NOT marriage. A ‘union’ with someone of the same sex is NOT marriage.
That’s the ‘real deal’ from a Gray Head.
The conventional wisdom of our day has women seeking to train men to whom they are NOT married to in the first place, and vice versa. Nevertheless, SHOULD you be blessed to get married, brothers (and sisters), school is in session 24/7. You will be training one another, and pouring your best qualities into both the relationship--and each other.
Believe me, you will be tested on your wisdom.
One fine evening, yours truly and my Queen were out on the town for a well-deserved evening out. Some sweet young thing crossed our path. Firm, tanned, and lovely. My wife asked me straight out (as only wives can do): “Well, what do you think of her?” Without thinking twice, I squeezed my wife’s hand. “I like what I’ve got…because I don’t have the time, nor patience to TRAIN another woman.”
Do your OWN research and see if what I have written is true.
One thing about being a Gray Head is that I know what works, and what does not. It boggles the mind the number of men and women whom I know, or heard about, who try to burn the candle at both ends--only to wind up ‘burning up’ and losing true happiness with their OWN wives and husbands. I would mention some names at this point--but you already know whom I am talking about.
Brother, if you REALLY want to have a ‘new’ wife, become a ‘new’ husband!
And the wives said AMEN!
SETTING A TRUE STANDARD:
With more and more strands of gray mixing in with my hair, I have ‘beaten’ the socially proclaimed ‘odds’ of failure that some delight to place upon Black Men. You know--or have heard of some of these:
*Premature death from violent crime.
*Doing time in jail or prison.
*Drifting from job to job.
*Being negligent of one’s education.
*Not being able to find a ‘good’ woman.
Plus I find myself enjoying life more as an older man, than I did as a younger man. But, many, many older brothers--including my own father--laid the foundation:
*God is your friend…if you want Him to be your friend.
*Hard work is not a sin.
*Loyalty to your own wife is a win.
*Honesty keeps your butt out of jail.
*Run with the right crowd…and you’ll go to the right places.
Please don’t give me the ‘excuses’ that there are ‘too many’ single parent homes for our children to be successful. If the right foundation is placed into a child, they will--eventually-- become successful. Such is life. Such is wisdom. Such will increase your chances of becoming a Gray Head yourself. And, there are many, many, many younger brothers who will appreciate what you have to say; when you find that your own hair contains streaks of gray.
While society may ‘clamor’ for youth, youth is only good for the short term.
Wisdom comes from the old…and there is still a lot of teaching going on.
As I amend one popular saying from a day gone by: “Young may be in, but Old is where it’s AT!”
And the older brothers said AMEN!
MIKE RAMEY is the author of THE MANHOOD LINE. A monthly, syndicated column written for men from a biblical, business, and common sense perspective. Emails are welcome to manhoodline@yahoo.com. ©2004 Mike Ramey/Barnstorm Communications International (15).
Brothers, lest you think that you know me, let me introduce myself.
I am a ‘Gray Head’.
Or, for a better and more up-to-date term, I am a proud, card-carrying member of the ‘Old School’.
Now, over the last few years, a few older members of the opposite sex have been making headlines and bylines about how some ‘younger man’ has paid them a compliment, or ‘swept’ them off their feet, or ‘treated’ them better than men ‘their’ age. Their writings, ranting, and bragging remind me of a conversation that happened between two good ‘sistahfriends’ a few years back.
One sister had never married. Her friend had been married three times, and all three of her husbands eventually died. As the two women sat in the widow’s mansion before a roaring fire with glasses of their favorite beverage, the single woman looked up at the mantle and saw the three urns of ashes of her friend’s ‘dearly departed’. She remarked to her friend: “Hazel, I’ve never been married…but you’ve had husbands to spare. What’s your secret?” Hazel sipped her drink, and smiled. “Monique, I made sure that I keep them ALL ‘tired and happy’ at HOME!”
Now, I don’t know about you…but THAT’S true wisdom.
It is ONLY something that one can learn along the road of maturity.
WHEN DID YOU DISCOVER ‘IT’?
It seems that one of the more interesting reflections of our day is for younger people to ‘banter’ about wisdom. Books clog store shelves, articles criss-cross the Internet. Television shows eagerly display the ‘under 30’ crowd discovering wisdom like it was a lost treasure from a forgotten age. My pastor, the Rev. Dr. Fitzhugh L. Lyons Sr. of Indianapolis, Indiana echoes some real wisdom:
“If you THINK that you truly know…just keep on LIVING!”
Young…and not-so-young folks will eventually ask a Gray Head: “Well, how old were you, when you woke up and discovered the ‘keys’ to life?” Please keep in mind that I am speaking from a man’s perspective. If the truth be told, many, many, many women won’t admit to their age--plus ‘only their hairdresser knows for sure (LOL)’. If you really want to see an older woman smile on her next birthday, say that she one of the three following ages: 18, 21, or 25. Then, STOP brothers. You’ll have a friend for life!
That is WISDOM.
But I digress.
If the truth were told, I’m one of those ‘rare’ breeds of brothers who always wanted to ‘be’ older. When I was younger, I would ‘hang out’ at times with the older brothers playing checkers at the Barber Shop. I would make it a point to listen to discussions that my parents had with some of their friends on the political issues of the day. I was older than my years, because I had prepared myself to be older. I liked older people because they seemed to have it going on. My wife is even a few years older than I am--because I have always admired older women.
But, that’s another story…for another day.
However, if I would have to pick an exact age, I would have to pick the age of 30.
To me, that’s when the ‘lights’ came on--and my brain was home.
Brothers, I might as well make it plain. You can’t develop, nor have the capacity for wisdom, unless you LIKE to hang out with older people and LISTEN carefully to what they have to say. Learn from their battles. Find out what strengths and weaknesses that they possess, accept the good--and drop the bad.
Wisdom, as the Bible proclaims, is always searching for a man who wants to make room for her. When wisdom comes searching for you, don’t pretend that you are not at home. Open the invitation, and invite wisdom IN!
MAY PLUS DECEMBER MAY EQUAL TROUBLE:
It has been said that one cannot teach an old dog a new trick.
That’s not entirely true. If an old dog wants to learn, a new trick is nothing to them, provided the dog had enough wisdom in the first place to understand that learning something new would benefit them in the long run.
On my ‘real’ job, a new computer system was ushered in. Some of the older workers were starting to quietly rant about taking their ‘retirement’ and heading home, rather than to ‘deal’ with the new technology. Last time I checked, not only were these older workers still on the job…they had mastered the ‘new trick’ in the form of this new computer system.
I--like you--have read and heard about older men/younger women or older women/younger men dynamic. Oh, folk go on and on about how ‘great’ and ‘satisfying’ the relationships with a younger love can be.
In reality, brothers, if you ‘pick’ right, it will ‘be’ right.
Buzzing around from flower to flower may be great for bees…but not for men. Famed inventor Henry Ford was asked once, how he had stayed married for such a long time.
Ford, without batting an eye, spoke some truth:
“Stick with one model…period!”
Truth and wisdom go hand in hand.
As I mentioned in a previous column, a 40-year-old man cannot hoop, chase, dress and drink like a 21-year-old. However, the 40-year-old can TEACH a younger man something far more important: How to reach the age of maturity with their character, morals, and mental faculties intact.
A HIDDEN REALITY OF MARRIAGE:
Brothers, this piece of wisdom is NOT found in many marriage books…except in the Bible. Your wife is a direct reflection of Y-O-U. Thus, as a husband, it is your duty to train and mold your wife into being all she can be, to the glory of God and to your faithfulness as her husband. On the other side of the coin, the same can be said about your wife. She is to be your ‘helpmeet’, the woman who ‘completes’ your picture of all that you can become, to the glory of God and to her faithfulness as your wife. One wise woman remarked: “It is the DUTY of a wife to HELP her husband BE all he can BE!”
I do realize that this kind of talk may spur some fireworks among some singles.
Well, get married and see IF I am making this stuff up! Step up, marry up, and make your OWN marriage work! ‘Living together’ is NOT marriage. ‘Weekends at the house’ is NOT marriage. A ‘union’ with someone of the same sex is NOT marriage.
That’s the ‘real deal’ from a Gray Head.
The conventional wisdom of our day has women seeking to train men to whom they are NOT married to in the first place, and vice versa. Nevertheless, SHOULD you be blessed to get married, brothers (and sisters), school is in session 24/7. You will be training one another, and pouring your best qualities into both the relationship--and each other.
Believe me, you will be tested on your wisdom.
One fine evening, yours truly and my Queen were out on the town for a well-deserved evening out. Some sweet young thing crossed our path. Firm, tanned, and lovely. My wife asked me straight out (as only wives can do): “Well, what do you think of her?” Without thinking twice, I squeezed my wife’s hand. “I like what I’ve got…because I don’t have the time, nor patience to TRAIN another woman.”
Do your OWN research and see if what I have written is true.
One thing about being a Gray Head is that I know what works, and what does not. It boggles the mind the number of men and women whom I know, or heard about, who try to burn the candle at both ends--only to wind up ‘burning up’ and losing true happiness with their OWN wives and husbands. I would mention some names at this point--but you already know whom I am talking about.
Brother, if you REALLY want to have a ‘new’ wife, become a ‘new’ husband!
And the wives said AMEN!
SETTING A TRUE STANDARD:
With more and more strands of gray mixing in with my hair, I have ‘beaten’ the socially proclaimed ‘odds’ of failure that some delight to place upon Black Men. You know--or have heard of some of these:
*Premature death from violent crime.
*Doing time in jail or prison.
*Drifting from job to job.
*Being negligent of one’s education.
*Not being able to find a ‘good’ woman.
Plus I find myself enjoying life more as an older man, than I did as a younger man. But, many, many older brothers--including my own father--laid the foundation:
*God is your friend…if you want Him to be your friend.
*Hard work is not a sin.
*Loyalty to your own wife is a win.
*Honesty keeps your butt out of jail.
*Run with the right crowd…and you’ll go to the right places.
Please don’t give me the ‘excuses’ that there are ‘too many’ single parent homes for our children to be successful. If the right foundation is placed into a child, they will--eventually-- become successful. Such is life. Such is wisdom. Such will increase your chances of becoming a Gray Head yourself. And, there are many, many, many younger brothers who will appreciate what you have to say; when you find that your own hair contains streaks of gray.
While society may ‘clamor’ for youth, youth is only good for the short term.
Wisdom comes from the old…and there is still a lot of teaching going on.
As I amend one popular saying from a day gone by: “Young may be in, but Old is where it’s AT!”
And the older brothers said AMEN!
MIKE RAMEY is the author of THE MANHOOD LINE. A monthly, syndicated column written for men from a biblical, business, and common sense perspective. Emails are welcome to manhoodline@yahoo.com. ©2004 Mike Ramey/Barnstorm Communications International (15).