standing in the check out line with Mama, it's finally our turn... Mama steps forward to watch the prices... i put the items on the counter... then i join Mama... the cashier looks me square in the face... smiles... and says... "oh, you're so pretty, to be so dark"... maybe 13 or 14 years old, battling the i'm black & ugly issue, in my ignorance i receive the statement as a compliment...

meanwhile... Mama's insulted and trying to figure why i'm not... not understanding that her child equates being dark w/ugliness...

it took much time to overcome this issue... y'all are familiar with the jokes (so black ya leave fingerprints on charcoal)... and sayings (i don't wanna stay in the sun too long & get any blacker)... though my family loved me & thought i was beautiful... society and even members of my own race helped me think otherwise...

in one of the threads i read... a member mentioned the "Willie Lynch Syndrome" and i thought... that's right on point...

for those not familiar with Willie Lynch and his theory... this is the little i've heard about them...

in 1712 he gave slaveholders the keys to control Black slaves... by taking our differences and making them bigger... using fear, distrust & envy for control purposes... methodically, the old black male was pitched against the young black male... female against male... DARK-SKINNED against LIGHT-SKINNED... (and vice-versa)...

this poison instilled was to be self-refueling and self-generating for hundreds... maybe thousands of years!!!...

so here we are, in 2003, and we still have this syndrome...

are you or anyone you know infected???... how can we break this cycle???

peace

I don't konw how it can be broken, but I'd be rich if I had a dollar for everytime I heard that. It's especially sad when Black folk think it's ok to say it. I might feel a little better if it were coming out of white folks' mouths, but go figure.

i think that we break it by teaching a kind of braven pride in ourselves.

i am reading a lot lately about "conscious parenting" and i am very aware now as a parent that we cant assum our kids are ok or that they understand things. we have to really talk things out w/ them.

in particular we have teach them a kind of positivity that comes off like "what? you actually think dark skin is ugly? are you crazy?" and they have to be as or more confident than the other kids and people they encounter that say different. this kind of confidence can be a positive reaction on your child's peers. they say anytime you actually believe something enough and say it with enough force - others follow suit or shut their trap.

it starts in the home. teach your children to be confident.

Royal_T... i'd be rich too!!! :)... gurl, the cashier was a sistah & she thought she was complimenting me, too...

ifasehun... i agree completely!!!... confidence must be instilled immediately... cause you know children & even adults can be brutal... and if the confidence parents try to instill doesn't outweigh negativity from society... the negative can completely consume the child... and stay with them for a long while... if not their entire life...

thankx for the reads... and replies

peace

my sista, ignorance sees no shade...i've been hurt by brothas & sistas as well as white people when it comes to skine tone and I'm light-skinned.
"Poor chile u so pale, at least u pretty"
"Thank God u look like our family too bad u so red"
"Oh my gosh gurl u R like soooooo pretty but your skin is so fair!"
HOw do we get past it...recognize the beauty of our people before we judge our people. But easier said than done...

triniti424... i feel ya... indeed it works both ways... & it's a shame... will we ever break the chain?!!!... i suppose only time will tell... cause like you said... it is much easier said than done...
thankx for the feedback...

peace

I think that that "brown paper bag" chain is partially broken. It was used to control us--- divide and conquer..... and it has infiltrated our very beings... and it is so **** stupid!

In my family, we range from pale whitish to ebony... one parent dark and beautiful and one parent light-skinned and beautiful...and their children are every shade in between and they loved each and every one of us, perhaps too much....

Many feel that Lighter is better because we perceive that Lighter is easier... I don't believe that. I am the youngest and very light, and that has not given me any edge...no with family and not in life....

And I don't think that most of our people, whatever the hue are down with being who we are.... The rest, the ignorant, we leave...

On my job last year a black sister from New York, was transferred down here... I noticed that she didn't associate with the other sisters and brothers... just our counterparts.... One day one of the counterparts, a female, said in my presence that she didn't like her, for whatever reasons.... initially I just shrugged it off, because I know how our counterparts can treat us sometimes, you know, like when we hang around and they whisper around us, or we pretend that we are with them, and they walk in front or behind? I used to feel sorry for the sis' anf bros when this happened to them.... until I realized how pathetic a situation they allow themselves to be in... anyway, as time went on, and it was obvious how they were distancing themselves from the sister... so one day, I'm sitting in my office, my door is opened, and she came in smiling and took a seat, and she actually said to me and I quote, "You're not really Black are you?" and I said, "Yes, I am."
She looked puzzled, "No, you must be mixed, not a real Black."
Did I mention that she is dark brown? Then she went on to rattle on all this blood fractioning stuff... so my temples are starting to throb okay, and I think of how proud my Grandmother, an Italian, loved us-- her favorite was my ebony skinned older sister, how our father Italian, Indian, Black, was one of those hold your shoulders high kinda brothers, who did whatever it took to take care of his wife and kids and educate them, and would kill us if we let anyone disgrace our Blackness and the pride that comes with it--- even us! As she rattled, I just said to her, "All of us are not Black like you."
So, what can you do? I just keep my distance, work hard, like all the sisters and brothers... love family people is all I can say, love family....

happy69 you have made my day
I am a young fair skinned chile and its nice to know that someone understands :)

its a method made to hurt us not help us...lets jus all make a vow to love and learn :)

happy69... thankx for sharing your experiences... like i said before... indeed this thing does work both ways...

honestly, i didnt' know that our light-skinned sisters & brothers dealt with similar issues... when i was younger i longed to be lighter... if even by a shade... my dad is actually darker than i am... my mother's brown... but now... i gladly embrace my beautiful black face :)...

triniti424 thankx for gracing this thread again... i must admit... i use to think that light-skinned folk had it good compared to me... now i understand that we're in this thang together... i'm feelin that vow to love & learn...

this Willie Lynch Sydrome can linger w/n those giving or receiving ignorant statements... we must strive to wipe out this disease completely!!!... the struggle continues...

peace

NADIA*BINTA my sista if only u knew how many nights i spent cryin to God to make me darker...:(
I KNOW it works both ways i have a cousin same age as I and she is a BEAUTIFUL brown but she hates it...
she dont even know how blessed she is...
I'm just glad you LOVE YOU for you because i have learned the same :)

Triniti, if I may, baby, you are dealing with the wrong kinds of people. I know too, that some of us face these issues within our immediate families; as I was growing up, I knew of cousins whose parents showed favor to the lighter kids, etc... and vis-a-vis... it is up to us to break the chain... I knew that I was lucky, I had a loving family... when I look around today, it saddens me, the things we still let linger into our consciouness... I just cannot do what some people do to themselves...
Because of how I was raised, I used to not believe the claims of some-- especially, bi-racials (black/white) when they made claims against our community-- but I know that the problems that we are speaking of are kind of related but not the same as theirs- and some of them have actually joined with White Supremacy groups, in hopes of being some higher class citizens... but that is a whole 'nother story...

You have to love yourself first, and be around and affiliate with people who appreciate your beauty... and try and understand that we suffer from social diseases that we shouldn't... only we can change this--- when we are being discriminated against, when we are being shot, when we are being maligned, etc.... no one is estimating hue or pedigrees--- when we get that, then we will be okay.

I MUST SHAMEFULLY ADMIT THAT I TOO HAS SAID TO SOME OF MY BROTHAS\SISTAHS HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY ARE FLAUNTING THAT DARK MYSTICAL COLORED SKIN. I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT THIS STATEMENT WAS SO NEGATIVE UNTIL YOU MENTIONED IT. NOW, I KNOW THAT SOME BLACK PEOPLE JUDGE OTHERS ACCORDING TO THEIR SKIN COLOR BUT THAT WASN'T MY INTENTIONS TO DO SO.
I JUST WANTED THEM TO KNOW INSPITE OF WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT MY DARK SKINNED PEOPLE THAT I FOUND IT TO BE BEAUTIFUL,ELECTRIFYING, ENCHANTING, AND MYSTICAL. I DO LOVE ME SOME DARK SKINN. I'M NEITHER DARK OR LIGHT. I MEET SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE. BUT ANYWAY NOT TO GET OFF THE SUBJECT OF MY IGNORANCE, I WILL REPHRASE HOW I TELL MY PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL. I JUST DONT WANT THEM TO EVER BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE NOT BECAUSE OF WHAT SHADE THEY WAS BORN. AGAIN I HOPE I HAVE NOT OFFENDED ANYONE. THAT IS NOT MY INTENTIONS. WE SHOULD ALL KNOW TO LOOK INSIDE OURSELVES AND KNOW THAT THE TRUE BEAUTY SHINES THROUGH FROM WITHIN. IF ONLY I COULD CONVINCE MY PEOPLE OF SUCH THEN THEY WOULD NEVER NEED TO BE TOLD HOW BEAUTIFUL THEIR ESSENCE IS. THANK YOU FAMILY FOR THE WAKE-UP! ALL YOUR REPLIES WAS HELPFUL. I WILL COME UP WITH ANOTHER WAY TO APPRECIATE MY PEOPLE.

happy69 :) thank u...I have learned...and I do know NOW but that came with a lot of trial and tribulation i suppose its the Lords way of lettin the lesson stick so that i couldnt turn around and be the same to one of my own brothas and sistas :)
I have learned that the beauty of being BLACK is we are blessed in MANY shades, hues, tones whateva...and I am proud to be a sista representin for my people :)

Purplemoons I feel u have nothing to apologize for...me myself I LOVE me my dark chocolate (LOL yummy :) ) but at the same time being able to love myself and know myself has opened my eyes to loving others regardless....seeing internal beauty because black is more than a skin color...its an ESSENCE that our people are blessed with :)
WHen i see a sexy brotha (morris chestnut LOL yummy again) I have to smile and appreciate and he is just as sexy as my light toned (Shamar Moore :) yummy again LOL) brotha...but its whats inside that puts them over the top wit me :)
But d@mn if they aint somethin nice to look at LOL :) ;)

LOL! I TOTALLY AGREE WTH YA @TRINITI.