Sisters have been meeting every night this week to begin a process of building a positive and supportive relationship with each other and to discuss topics that are of importance to us.

Last night during "Sister Chat" we recognized that times are critical for us and we need to step up and take responsibility for our own behavior. We realize that there are issues as well as achievements in our community that we contribute to. We think it's time to act as comrades and activists in order to eradicate the ills that plague us as a people and to help build a stronger, healthier community.

We see value and importance for us to become a resource to each other, especially our younger sisters, we recognize the power that comes from joining together to resolve our "women" issues and to lend each other support and genuine compassion.

Although we care about our Brother Warriors and sincerely appreciate and respect their opinions, there are those times when Sisters want to discuss some "sensitive" issues that the presence of men might inhibit them or make them feel uncomfortable.

Having conveyed that, the Sisters that participated in "Sister Chat" last night considered the possibility of creating a private forum for women only. However, we want the opinions of other members before anything is done to create it.

Destee.com has always promoted an open and accessible community and we don't want to do anything that might give the impression that we're not.

So, we hope our members take the time to participate in the poll and post their opinions soon. As always, we value your input and appreciate your participation.

Peace! :heart:

Good Morning My Sister Queenie !!!! :wave:

I'm shocked that we are considering a private forum for anyone in this community. We have always had every door wide open to all who call this home. Proposing this private area for Sisters is a major change from the way things have been done in the past. I do believe its time has come and there could be no more worthy reason for implementing this change. The opportunity to mentor, encourage, guide, and possibly save even one of our own beautiful Sisters is well worth all that must be done.

When i first sent out the notice, inviting Sisters and Brothers to join us in "Sister Chat," i couldn't see any reason why Brothers should not be able to sit in. It was only after meeting a couple of times that i came to the realization that having Brothers present hinders us from fully realizing the goals we've set. Some of our Brothers contributed their wisdom to the discussion, making very valid points. Unfortunately, we are not interested in the male perspective right now. We see our Sisters hurting, suffering, in need of love and guidance that only another Sister can properly give. Steel sharpens steel. In addition, i noticed when it was only Sisters in the room, the discussion was open and flowed freely. As soon as a Brother walked in, the discussion was subtly suppressed. There are topics that many Sisters would not be comfortable discussing in the company of Brothers. It's all about respect and decency. Not everything is meant to be discussed in front of everyone. Noticing these slight changes when Brothers joined us, gave me reason to believe that our effort may be better served by having a private forum. I want my Sisters, especially the young Sisters, to be free to share whatever they have on their minds ... without regard to phrasing it properly and respectfully because gentleman are present.

We are in a critical time. Our families, communities, children, parents, jobs, lives are unstable and in disarray. Sisters making poor choices and decisions, often because they've not had anyone that cared enough to listen and help guide and direct them. No one to vent to or bounce thoughts and ideas off of.

A person can't do better if they don't know better. I was blessed to have a Mother that taught me how to do better. She taught me how to be a good Sister, Mother, Lover, Friend, Wife, Person. If she had not taught me, i'm not sure that i'd know. Since i and others have been blessed to know how to do and be better at some things, it is our responsibility to help our Sisters, if we can. While my Mother taught me all that she knew, she didn't know everything. No one does. I'm hoping my Sisters can share with me the things that they know, that i don't.

We love our Brothers and this effort is for our Brothers. It is for our families, for our lives, for our success in the struggle that our Ancestors started so very long ago. This is a continuation of all that has been done in the past. This is the least we can do. Sisters coming together in love and our Brothers understanding the need for us to do this.

Please vote and share your opinions. Sisters especially let us know. If you don't see a need for this, then there's no reason for us to do it. It has to be the majority of us believing that there is some merit in this effort and willing to work until we realize the reward.

We did have another wonderful meeting last night! We'll be meeting again tonight at 8 pm ET and at 10 pm ET on Friday night. I hope more of our Sisters are able to join us.

:heart:

Destee

Now I know after last night's Sister Chat that our sisters who have graced us with their presence will respond to this question! It was raised AGAIN last night questioning whether it would be possible to have a private section here so that we might continue building, bonding, and collective self-nurturing.

Des, I know you said you would need time to consider how or if this would be possible, but in the meantime sisters...it would help us tremendously if you could let us know whether to even bother pursuing this venture.

Peace and looking forward to the feedback!!!

:thanks:

HUMPF................ RIGHT ON I could not AGREE MORE THOSE GOOD FOR NOTHING MEN! ok they good for one thing but can't they just do that and SHUT UP!

YAWL HAVE SOME NERVE!!!!!!!!!

Yeah I heard all that gooble de goop, all it sounds like to me is EXCUSES to CUT a BROTHER OUT! NOPE DON'T AGREE I DO NOT! But yawl don't care what I say ya gonna do it anyway SHAME on YAWL I don't care how good your intentions are its just not fair. I really don't see the need!

I ain't mad at ya I feel I have plenty to add sometimes a brother just needs to listen & learn, what he's doing wrong and how it affects a sistah maybe we can stop the pain or change the flow of the river, but since yawll wanna cut us out we won't have a chance

YAWL GO AHEAD and do your thing YAWL already got one night now yawl want ya own room whats a brother supose to do?

We are a Family and how things affect the whole of us matters greatly. In spite of what UPPIE thinks, no final decision has been made, and everyone's opinion will be taken into consideration. So please do share it.

:heart:

Destee

Jacuma, peace and thank you for the encouraging and thought provoking comments. What you've asked us to consider is exactly what we are doing. No final decision has been made at this point and you can rest assured that nothing will be done by any community leader to disrupt the peace and harmony found here in our community.

As Destee said, we value everyone's opinion which is exactly why we started this thread instead of being bodacious and selfish enough to exclude other's in this decision-making process. The only reason this came about as a topic was due to the success of Sister Chat and how women have responded to the opportunity to come together in "private" to share their thoughts without being distracted by men. Some women also felt that something more might be desired as an extension of Sister Chat in order to lend more frequent contact and create continuity between Chats.

As leaders of Sister Chat, Destee and I felt it was important to "test the water" so to speak, to see how others felt about the idea. So thank you and Uppie for providing us with feedback because it's very helpful and greatly appreciated.

Queenie :)

I love the Idea of a SUMMIT and contrary to anyones opinion I fully support the SISTAHS CHAT. I think it beautiful but a room just for yawl? hmmmmmmmmm I just have to wonder what yawl doing in there? I bet yawl up in there planing and ploting how to make an UPPIE VOODOO DOLLS I know yawl wanna get me but I am not gonna make it easy for ya! NO ROOM! Chat is cool I'll stay out of your way when yawl in there I think thats fair I can just see the mass production of UPPIE DOLLS for EVERY WOMAN and then the world wide marketing!

Uppie...quitcha gripin' and cast your vote in the poll. :)

Technically since this is a topic that was based on Sister Chat (which is already for women only), and since this is a topic on Message for my Sisters, shouldn't only women vote?

That being asked, as a brother weighing in on the subject I would have to vote against it. I fully understand the need for closed door meetings. However, I believe that there is too much we can learn from each other.

I read women's magazines like Essence and Sister to Sister (I am secure enough in my manhood to admit that.......lol), because I want to know the issues that effect my sisters. I feel this is important to know because I want to be a benefit to my community, as well as a desire to be informed.

As men and women, we improve interactions with each other by talking and having discussions. If I don't know what women want, and what are their concerns. Then it would be impossible to deal with them and relate to them on a day to day basis.

Ultimately I think this sets a dangerous precident. Continual and expanding closed door meetings in my mind will lead to us being more in the dark about each other. I might be wrong but I fail to see how a closed forum would accomplish would a closed chat wouldn't.

By the way PAN that's my point exactly, futhermore this site is dominated by women They already out number us so we if vote nay and they vote yeah who wins? Plus the issue of this suedo vote is hidden in "MESSAGE FOR MY SISTERS"
GRANTED we men are the babaling idiots you think we are ladies but even a blind retarded man can see through this farse ummmmmmmmmm I mean VOTE

The following is a summary of an email discussion I have embellished to make a point no one is quoted and this is my summary of a mans perspective

The difference between love and sex between men & women

You can date a woman for a year and once she gives you sex she feels like this is saying to you I love you now and we are in a relationship. Of course after waiting so long for the sex the brotha
Is gonna accept it and then worry about the feelings afterwards.

When you first started "dating" a man and eventually had sex with him, was it love? In most cases no, it was just sex. Some men never make that transition, it still remains sex, we will eventually start to care for you, and all that, but the sex will still remain just that sex. Only it's with someone we care about then of course male ego kicks in we get possessive and we don't want anyone else to enjoy you, so we put a ring on your finger to "ensure" that we're the only one

If a sister is stressed out or, whatever... sex is the last thing on her mind. Men on the other hand, can have sex whenever the opportunity arises
Since we are talking about the way men & women equate love and sex, why is it that sometime after the wedding vows are taken the idea of "taking care of your man", walks out the door. In other words, in most marriages why does the sexual relationship decrease? Does this mean that she loves him less, or was it simply a form of bait? Not to mention in relationship a lot of times sex is used as a treat for doing good or to punish a brother with that Hawaiian lackanukkie for doing wrong

WOMEN always give a list of sorry excuses why sex decreases after marriage
1) Children require a lot of time and attention.
2) Attentions may be redirected to family issues.
3) No need to "prove" you are the one
4) Sex has become predictable - not exciting any more.
5) Sex is used as a weapon or an obligation.

Why can't it continue as a married couple? What's the difference, in terms of lives stressful events, once you get married. The notion of sex should NEVER EVER be thought as some sort of treat or punishment. It should be done because you want to... that's where the problems of marital sexual discord start. (Before marriage a Sista is doin' all kinds of stuff. then get married and the stuff stops!!!!) How come I can't get it as much as I want when we were dating now that we're married ALL BETS ARE OFF! If you were freakin' it when you were dating, you should still be freakin' it when you get married. Otherwise, it looks like you were putting out just to get married. And now that you're married, you no longer have to put out
.
Its like you have to scheme to get the drawers like you was some single guy. Then of course if you have been a "good boy" and have done all the things she wants you to do or have bought the new stuff or whatever you get the obligatory sex in exchange for the favors. You would think that when you marry someone that things would be easier and the sex would be that much more abundant and accessible. I guess that’s why some men cheat? And If the man cheats, he expects to be taken back because it was just sex and she didn't mean anything to him but men rarely forgive a woman when she cheats because he believes that when she gives it up to another man she really likes him and that her virtue has been diminished

Now ladies I given you a wealth of issues, now stick that in your Tuesday night chat and I'll be here Wednesday to holla at cha

Ummm...Uppie...hold that thought.

Did you vote brotha or are we to surmise from your completely off the topic disseration that you agree that sistahs should have a private room?

Oh, and btw, this thread was not HIDDEN as you suggest even though it is in the forum for sistahs. As you can see, men who come here and are obviously interested in what the sistahs are doing, seem to find their way around here pretty well.

Cast those votes before it's too late.....................

I'd like to make TWO QUICK points, then I won't address this topic again.
#1 I see humor in everything, yes I do have a wry dry wit. But understand I do jest!
2nd I really have no intrest in joining women on womens topics of sharing personal healing transformation and upliftment, I have no objections, do as you like! However my objection is that this is a new forum, (voice chat) it is just starting to heat up with chat, and yawl wanna run off in a corner and close the door and post a sign that says No MEN ALLOWED. It isn't like the fellas get together in our own room to discuss sports or whatever. There are so few men that come to chat that if yawl start your pvt room, everyone will be in there and and it will be poinless for us to even come here! You have your own night ladies I don't see a reason to exclude us any further.

#2a As for my topic that was a sugestion of things that we could discuss when we do have a mixed room chat, only a suggestion. I spiked it with just enough hot sauce to bring the room to a simmer
#2b I truely believe the vote is pointless because of the female male ratio on this site, divided among gender lines and gender issues the women will win hands down
#2c Although DESTEE and NNQUEEN sincerely believe that to ask others for thier imput before they decide the response will always be bias and tainted because of the factors I stated.
#2d I have no fear of what you discuss about men or any other topic! It doesn't concern me!
#2e What I am concerned about is that I will be excluded from a room that I have been visiting and chatting in for over 6 yrs! I've seen so many come and go and when this new niche came along we lost other people to technolgy and the enforcement of rules!
#2f Now from the ash's I see the rise of an even brighter fire. Not only do yawl wanna hog the fire but yawl want us to stay outside in the cold

#2h Yes QUEENIE I DID VOTE I AM THE 1 "NO!"

#2i I did say two quick points, yawl just taking a long time reading it!

:D @ Uppie

I think another opposition I have to a closed door female forum is that in my opinion racial ties are more important than sexual ties. More specifically, I feel that our position as black people, and as a black community is more important (or should be more important) than male v female. Because of this I again think we have to much to learn from each other to keep one another in the dark about issues of importance..........just my 2 cents.

Personally, I feel that sistas and brothas are attempting to connect as halves to become wholes rather than as wholes to become one. This strategy is doomed to fail as it has been in recent times. Remember that conferences, lectures and books continue to be produced to set the records straight about who did and who does what amongst black people, along gender lines.

Less ye not forget that "black men/white women" "independent black women" "brothas and commitment" "black women in hip-hop" "respect among brothas and sistas" are hot button topics sure to raise the feathers on any fowls neck and create a nice line in the sand divide amongst black women and men. I call them the "Dat yo fault!" debates.

A balance of sista only, brotha only and sista/brotha building will secure that one group isn't progressing or regressing over the other.

Certain issues amongst us as groups and as a whole won't be resolved (or at least productively addressed) with half-built merger attempts. Mergers are successful when a meeting of the minds happens between two level parties resulting in effective action.

Sistahoods + Brothahoods + Sista/Brotha Merger = Unity (or some semblance of it anyway)

Ademidemji I'm a sista. Just thought I'd make dat right dere clear.

My post was meant to express that we NEED to have sista only and brotha only conversations. That we are always trying to crash into one another without healing as men and women first.

I realize after reading my post that it sounds ambiguous.

I'll make it clear that I am in favor of us having sistahoods (to heal as women and deal with our issues amongst each other) and brothahoods (for the same purpose), so that when we do come together it isn't as people looking for reasons to blame or defend but to merge successfully.

Sistas NEED to bond anyway, we got some blocks and wedges that need to be busted from between us.

I stand by my statement but in the context it was meant to be in, the progression of one with the regression of the other will aid in securing our decline as people.

I'm for both, healing as individual groups and as people.

Balance, whoop dere it is.

No problem sis.

Healing within our own groups will not detract from our upliftment, it actually will smolder some of the fires we see cropping up between the genders.

I also want to see more of brothas healing amongst themselves so that the "divide and conquer" doesn't become anymore of a tool than it already is.

When we build amongst ourselves (sista to sista and brotha to brotha), we can then build better together.

Thank you Ademidemeji for giving me an opportunity to study our posts and gain clarity and understanding from each other.

XXPanthaXX

Your questions were more adminstrative, I thought they were mostly to Destee and NN. I'll give em a crack though.

Locked room, visible to others but only accessible to the sistas, could be a password or could be a signup or recognition system since some of them know most of the folks on here. Its cool to have other groups as long as the purpose is very clear it is and it serves and something empowering...such as a sistas chat or a brothas chat.

Like I said, this is more administrative so y'all gonna have to figure all that out, but what I've posted are how I see things could go.

I'm a planner like you so I understand your perspective as far as the logistics.

Originally posted by XXPANTHAXX
My Sister as of this post I have yet viewed any answers to any of my questions I posed earlier in this thread . . .
Your Brother in our struggle
-Jacuma

Brother Jacuma, I must apologize for not being more specific in responding to your many and very important questions raised in an earlier post. Please give me the opportunity to try and answer them now if I may.

Originally posted by XXPANTHAXX
Hotep Family
Sister NNQueen and Sister Destee . . . Have we thought about the logistics of an endeavor like this? ie. Will it be password protected? How would it be enforced? Would it be visible at all?
your Brother in our struggle
-Jacuma

As you know Brother Jacuma, I'm not technically inclined so Destee would have to answer any technical questions such as you raise here. Of course, if what's required is more work than we feel is necessary, or costly to implement and maintain, this whole idea is a moot point, don't you think?

Originally posted by XXPANTHAXX
What happens, when for example other groups decide they want a separate forum? Will they be denied? Based on what? I just want to be sure this is a carefully thought out process before its implemented.....Asante Sana in Advance my Sisters...
your Brother in our struggle
-Jacuma

Of course I can't speak for everyone but it is my opinion that if other groups, i.e., Brothers, would want to create a place for Brothers only and the reason given is determined to make sense as I think the one given by Sisters is, I don't see that they will or should be denied an equal opportunity.

As I wrote earlier, community members can be assured that a lot of careful thought is going into this idea BEFORE any final decision is reached. For me the logic is simple, but I'm learning from reading all the text here, that the impact may be substantial--so no matter how good an idea might be, if it doesn't serve the greater good for the whole community, then maybe it should be nothing more than just an idea.

Personally, I'm not offended by feedback from people who don't agree with me. Everyone's opinion matters here. I'm confident that most people know that men and women collaborating in separate 'fraternities' is nothing new--even in the Black community. It happens for a number of reasons throughout many cultures so why the 'shock and awe' about this, I don't quite understand. But it's interesting. Diversity--not adversity--is truly enlightening.

Why do Sistas even raise the point about feeling the 'need' for a separate room? Well, probably for similar reasons that Destee started this website and why many Black people come here and not hang out just anywhere on the web. It's merely a common bond among women with a common purpose.

We're starting to get some cross feedback in the poll and I'm pleased to see that. The bigger question for me now is, does the poll give the impression that the majority opinion will dictate the outcome? What's the worst that can happen if it does/doesn't? What do you think?

Brother Jacuma, I hope that I have sufficiently responded to your questions. I did so as best I can. If not, just let me know and I'll try to do better.

Peace and with much humility,
Queenie

I know the real deal back in the day sistahs use to slash tires or fix him a nice pot of hot grits then came Lorena Bobbit and she started slashing ummmmm well you know! Now yawl wanna swap slashing stories and trade recipies on how to make "AL GREEN GRITS" and what makes em stick! Yeah its about healing alright " Yeah gurl the doctors say, he won't be using that thing for at least a yr" and I know yawl making them dolls cause all of a sudden I am starting to have a sharp pain in the back of my head on tuesdays nights

lol@Uppie....you're sick!

Again, I want to extend a warm and hearty welcome to our sisters who have never experienced what it's like in "Sister Chat." :wave: It is the only time in this community when sisters can get together to discuss any topic they want without being embarrassed or uncomfortable if men were present. It's not a time to bash men and that was never the intention for creating such an opportunity. We, at Destee.com, responded to a number of women that felt this was needed so that sisters can handle certain issues they felt were too "personal" to handle in front of our men.

Tuesday nights in Voice Chat at 8pm EST. Sisters, bring your mic, any topic and turn your speakers on. I think you'll enjoy the experience! Men, we know some of you are curious as to what we discuss, but please remember this special moment is for sisters only.

Peace! :spinstar:

Queenie, you have really changed my whole perspective....I admire the way you go about your forums and every time the thought is expressed with nothing but truthful thinking on your part..
I'm an admirer and i wanted you to know
keep gracing us with your presence...

praise

Queenie, you have really changed my whole perspective....I admire the way you go about your forums and every time the thought is expressed with nothing but truthful thinking on your part..
I'm an admirer and i wanted you to know
keep gracing us with your presence...

praise

rahstagal, I'm honored by your compliment. :bowdown: Thank you sister. I do my best to contribute in a positive way to our forums and I'm pleased that you find something worthwhile in my messages.

On behalf of all at Destee.com, we welcome you and are glad that you are a part of our community.

Peace and well wishes! :heart:

Ohhh Sister Rahstagal !!! Welcome Welcome Welcome and Sister Gurl, you are missing a great part of Sister Queenie's great contribution to this community ... come to voice chat (http://destee.com/chat) Sister !!!!!! ... she sounds absolutely soothing on the microphone ... i think i remember a Brother saying she could talk a hungry man out of his food ... :) ... in Sister Chat, oh my Sister, the wisdom, love, and support given to us by Queenie is just how it's suppose to be with our people. It is beautiful. So ... i appreciate the oppotunity to speak on our Sister and encourage you and everyone to join in the wonderful discussions, learning experiences, poetry reading, music playing, folk singing, laughing and loving ... and Queenie hangs out too !!! ... when you come in, and she's there, ask her to say "car" on the mic ... it's so cute. :)

Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee