Older sisters, we must show our younger sisters the way. They are making far too many mistakes in their relationships and lives. We must be role models and guide them.

What are you doing to assist in guiding our young sisters so they don't make the mistake of becoming a mother too young?

dis be a far cry unto every home
yes sistah of age need to clamp down and show
them the fast lane is a bad lane for their lives
this what need to be in every community
i would love to hear what sistahs have to say !!!

Man , I AM the age which you're speakin of...I just tell my girls to protect themselves and get on birth control...I'm off the sex market til marriage I recommited myself but you gotta understand that sumtimes you can talk til your blue in the face and STILL stupid girls get pregnant.....(Mistake my butt:mad: )it ain't cool! But it starts in the home, wether poeple recocognize that or not

yes indeed it do ......not just big sistahs but bruthas as well
i teach and speak all the time for these gurls to stay in school
and worry bout sexuality later
most wanna try it because they gurlfriend did
or some guy pushing them ova da edge a bit
but one whom do this is not a great friend
ur on point swtT.....................

I talk to parents and children all the time about the benefits of waiting to allow one's self to grow and develop into a mature thinking and behaving person, able to take on the responsibilities we might not otherwise be prepared to handle. However, I don't "preach" to people because I don't see where that does any good.

It's important for those of us that call ourselves "role models" not to be hypocrits. Young people aren't stupid and they see right through the lies. How many of us, including parents, practice what they preach?

It's an extremely tough time for our young girls these days. So much sex is all around us and almost everyone is exposed to it in some way shape or form. It stimulates the natural curiousity in us.

Girls seem to be developing physically at younger ages these days or maybe it's today's fashion that makes it seem that way. Some parents seem not to be mind how their children look when they leave the house. In fact, they're mostly the one's choosing their clothes.

Part of the problem is with older men having sex with and fathering babies by young girls too. Our young boys are not always the father. How do we keep our daughters out of "harms" way and teach them how to say NO and mean it?

Is it realistic to expect that girls and boys will, on average, choose sexual abstinence over indulgence in this day and age? How can we teach our sons and daughters the importance of waiting when they see so much loose and sexual behavior all around them? Are our children getting "permission" to have sex by people other than parents when they receive free birth control devices?

How old do you have to be to have sex? How old do you have to be to legally drive a car or drink alcohol in America? How old do you have to be to afford paying for prenatal and childbirth expenses?

NNQueen,

We definitely must be proactive. One place to start is our own home and family. I don't have any children, but every so often, I teach a class for family members. Each child receives a book, "What's happening to my body for girls or What's happening to my body for boys". We talk about issues and they open up to me easier than their own parents. It has become a big hit. We discuss the pros and cons of certain decisions.

This is definitely a new age and children are maturing faster than ever. We must continue to work toward stronger families and communities and teach our children to be at peace with their decisions despite the peer pressure from others. We must try our best to protect our children from certain aspects of corruption. It is definitely harder to do that now.

Also through my volunteer work, I try to make a difference. If our children don't get positive attention from family, they will seek negative attention. Some children are in communities where they never see an intact family or know anyone who graduated from college. They live what they know until they are exposed to something different. We must work to give them opportunities. This is why I am so adamant about parents working together for the sake of their children regardless of their differences.

All very good points, Regina! I would be interested in knowing more about the class you teach to families, what some of the issues are that youth raise and how you respond to questions.

Also, what is some of the advice you give to parents to encourage them to work together for the sake of their children regardless of their differences?

I think that would be excellent information to have available here at the Forums, don't you? This is another proactive way that we can begin to broadcast solutions in direct relationship to issues and concerns that are raised.

What do you think?

Peace!

I have a class for the girls and a class for the boys. This works best and keeps the embarrassment at bay. At the beginning of class, they are given a test of twenty questions. The test covers basic things they should know about their bodies and other information. Most of them flunk the test! They are shocked because they think they know everything. One question for the girls is, "What is the correct term for a female's monthly cycle?" I have gotten all kinds of answers.

I have visual aids, charts and provide other classroom materials. We have hands on assignments. I am honest with the children when they ask questions, even personal questions about how I have dealt with issues. I give them examples of decisions others have made. I stress to them a smart person is one who learns from her/his mistakes but an even smarter person learns from the mistakes of others. Some of the questions I get are "How do you properly insert a tampon (girls)? and Why do I sometimes wake up and the bed is wet (boys) because a part of my body is reacting in a weird way?

After the class, I treat them to dinner. They like the class and I have had a lot of positive feedback from their parents also. Some of the parents have talked with their children about various topics and some haven't. It opens the door for communication and lets the children know we are trying to show them the way.

I encourage parents not to involve their children in adult matters. Don't let them be your sounding board when you are upset with the other parent. Don't put the children in the middle. If you truly love your children, love them enough not to be bitter and emotionally scar them. Don't try to ruin the other parent, emotionally or financially, because in the end, the children suffer. I encourage them to not fight it out in the courts, but work together through some sort of mediation. Their finances are only going to the lawyers and the people in the court system when it should go towards their children's future. I am so tired of seeing the court battles over trivial issues. Our children deserve a childhood where they don't have to worry about food, shelter, clothing or continuous conflict at home. It is a fact that when fathers are allowed to be more involved in their children's lives, the children suffer less financially and emotionally.

I think it a good idea. Let me know if you would like me to do an outline of the course, etc.

Peace, my sister.

Regina, please check your email and holla back!

Peace! :)

I am in the age of young girls and I don't have sex and if I do have sex I will protect myself with birth control. I plan to have sex when I get married. Every girl is different. All girls aren't alike. My mom talks to me all the time about sex. Even though I am very tempted to have sex I do not succumb to temptation because I know sex before marriage is wrong. But if I do have sex before I get married I will ask God to forgive me. Reply if you have something to say about what I wrote!!!!!!!! :)

it's nice to see you have it map out and know that
sex is a pleasure not a must but if you do fall the the act
of sexuality not just take birth control pills but also protection!
allow self to value the act of love & sex when time come
you will know !!! ya on the right track

Originally posted by DestinyLove222
I am in the age of young girls and I don't have sex and if I do have sex I will protect myself with birth control. I plan to have sex when I get married. Every girl is different. All girls aren't alike. My mom talks to me all the time about sex. Even though I am very tempted to have sex I do not succumb to temptation because I know sex before marriage is wrong. But if I do have sex before I get married I will ask God to forgive me. Reply if you have something to say about what I wrote!!!!!!!! :)

Destiny, it sounds like you are a well discriplined and thoughtful younger person. It's good to see evidence that parents and children are having important conversations like this and that young people are willing to listen to sound advice. You also admit to the temptation and as many of us know from firsthand experience, it's not always easy.

Thank you for sharing and it's good to have you here!

Peace :)

Yes, Destiny. You have made the right choice. You are a role model in your peer group. I pray they learn from you.

Destiny,..I am about to be a thorn in your side......

You sound like a typical little girl... I am in a older category . I too said the same thing that you yourself have said but people get older and they get caught up into the world? Yes, sex before marriage is wrong but ....HOW LONG CAN YOU HOLD OUT????? Believe me, I know a lotta girls who said the same thing...They have two kids and they's 18 All girls ain't alike but let me ask you what makes you so different? You have a burning curiosity just like everyone else. Just like all the other virgins

soon sex will seem to control ya mind of curiosity but
as i said be open mind about it be careful with it and
protect it.............who has da rites to an virgin !!!

SwtT...your reaction to Destiny's remarks confuses me. Are you not pleased that she's choosing to remain a virgin for the reasons she's given? Why do you compare her to the girls you know that said what she did and turned out doing the opposite? She has admitted to being tempted, yet she hasn't succumbed to the temptation. Isn't this praise-worthy? Shouldn't we be uplifting and supporting Destiny for having made a choice and sticking to it so far? Don't you think that a woman can say one thing and actually do what she says? Don't you believe there are women who are virgins until married anymore? Am I misinterpreting what you wrote?

Not at all NNQueen. You didn't misinterpet me at all:) She just sounds typical to me. They all say the same thing and I'm sorry but sounds like a 14 year old girl looking for praise as she writes it. Like she's trying to impress someone by saying "Hey,I'm a virgin, Give me a good job sticker". Sumthing about that just....ugh I dunno NNqueen..Majority of the time, people don't do as they say but hey? I could be wrong and true, I'd be happy for Destiny IF I WAS WRONG.....but I'll be blunt and frank...I don't think she can hold out:)

Statistically speaking SwtT, you're probably right that most young women don't hold off from having sex until they're married. But I still think we shouldn't ridicule or discourage the efforts that many might make.

Sex is a natural thing and people are meant to experience it. Our bodies are designed to have sexual relations when it matures to the point when it's ready. Nature doesn't place an AGE on it, people do. Nature doesn't dictate the circumstances in which it should happen, people do. Nature doesn't judge whether it's right or wrong, people do.

For whatever reason people want to wait or not wait is their business. Who are we to judge them right or wrong. If she decides not to wait, then what are we going to do? Run behind her with a smirk on our faces taking pride in the fact that she proved someone right that she didn't wait saying "I told you so"? Will it make her a liar and a hypocrit? Watch out for those glass houses.

What if she is a 14 year old girl looking for praise? Why is that bad? As far as I'm concerned there's not nearly enough praise being meted out in our community when people deserve it. Let her wear her badge of honor, the same as you deserve yours for deciding to practice abstinence. If that's what you want to do for whatever reason you choose to do it, then you deserve praise, encouragement and recognition. Doesn't mean you're looking for it, but if others admire what you're doing, they'll praise you for it.

Go ahead and be blunt and frank in expressing your opinion as everyone should be. But I, for one, will be supportive of those that are making an effort to be the type of person that most of us find admirable, and that includes YOU.

Peace!

YAWL tawk the TAWK but do you really walk the walk I am there everyday !!!!!!!! I mentor young women not on abstinanace but on their lives I tell them its not what you do but its the choices you make. Do you see this guy as a father? SEX is SEX we all want it and crave it and we all know what good SEX IS! So why wouldn't young girls and boys crave what we all crave? It's in their face 24/7, have you really gone into the inner city and become a big brother or sister? Or you preaching from the pulpit? Kids will not respect you! You just like Granny and Momma! If you ain't in the trenches with them they don't believe a word you say! You don't have to live their lives but show that you have seen or expirenced what they going through! (The NANCY REGAN campain "JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS" yeah that worked millions of crack addicts later) Show them whats out there in the real world talk to them about choices show them examples of bad choices they watchin BET MTV and ABC thats as real as it gets! And if TV is all about SEX what do you think they gonna do? As women you must be bold enough to share your life expierences good bad and ULGY! As men we must put the bone down and alllow the babies to be the kind of women that we would want as wives! Tell them what we look for in a wife, cause they believe its the women in the videos shakin their butts and gyrating their pelvis. If you wanna have an effect on the babies having babies then you gotta picture the world from their EYES and show them whats wrong with THEIR VIEW (cause like Martin said) "YOU'VE BEEN TO THE MOUNTAIN TOP and YOU HAVE SEEN THE OTHER SIDE"

NNQueen, you have a very good point:) True tru. Bt that girl ain't 14.shes 16..................;) No real point there I m just pointing it out.....

UPTOWNE, Regina, NNQueen and myself are not trying to preach!!!!!! We have all been up there and true, we all do point out all the things that you are commenting on but we on't preach. If you took around you, more people are DOWN IN THOSE treaches and just talking to kids about sex. Sex isn't a taboo issue but face it, The kids between 11and14 are vurnerable....Yea, I said 11.....More and more little girls are trying to shake their a$$es like in those videos. As you,a man, are talking abou the type of females in these videos...We kno that thats just a chea fling there but the woman that yu're looking for as a lifetime partner is the one that just might be keepin their legs closed:shrug: We share al the expericence of sex with the yyounger generation....You, as a man, are you willin to talk to younger men about fatherhood??? Not preachin.....but just talkin..................

SwtT...keep doing what you're doing young sister! Keeping it real! :heart:

Peace! :)

I also think a lot of teen pregnancies (especially black teens) comes from the parents not being supportive of their childhood. If a parent is extremely and ridiculously strict while raising their child, and use anger to talk to their child about certain subjects (i.e., sex), and a parent says things such as "if you do this I'll kill you!!" or "kick you out" and so on and so forth, then the child will be more tempted to taste forbidden fruit without any source of protection. I think that after our teenage girls reach a certain age, for example 15, we should talk, support, and be there for our teenagers. Because, whether the world likes it or not, teenage sex is an issue that cannot be changed or ignored.

:heart: :heart: PLAY :heart: :heart:

SwtT ........I hear you but allow me to agree that we disagree! 1st and formost its never personal with me, so for you to gather a small peanut gallery to back you is uneeded. I know that I was lucky child not a good child LUCKY! And I am thankful that my life turned out ok, but everyone is not GOOD nor are they LUCKY!

I work with kids on a daily basis I am vice president of a youth organization and I specifically run a program for teens 14 thru 20 I spend at minimum 20 hours a week with kids. I know how they think, what they like, where they go, what they do and what they say when their parents elders or teachers ain't around! I am not an expert on kids, but I can feel their pulse. This is not my profession and I am not paid. I do it out of pure love for my people. I try to stem the tide of the future generations making bad choices. I am not doing it alone but there is very little help. I constantly ask young men women to stop by and share their life stories (they to busy doing their own thang) I ask sucessful people in the community to stop by and share, same story that goes for parents too and on and on. It seems that the only people that are willing to come fourth are the ones that got caught up! So like I said you talking the talk but you ain't walking the walk. YOU ( and that YOU is PLURAL and is directed at anyone who thinks they out in the trenches) have to mentor someone not preach from the safety of your life! With all the images and pitfalls peerpresure lack of parenting /moral values. Some of these young people come from single parent homes their mom was a teen mom, that's all they know! Some just aspire to get pregnant get section 8 and an apartment of their own. Unless you take them by the hand and show them that you care and that there is more to life then their myopic view, all you are doing is preaching! You may feel that you're getting through and in some cases you will. But I can tell you first hand that once you leave their presence, they are waving their hands like you just gave them a truck load of horse manure. All you doing is talking loud and SAYING NOTHING! BE a MENTOR not a PREACHER!

I think we should be concerned about people that are "mentoring" our children too. Not everyone that calls themself a mentor is necessarily a positive influence.

Children don't need a substitution of one negative influence for another. Even though some people have the best of intentions when they attempt to be a mentor, they are often full of biases that could do more harm than good.

Mentoring relationships are not always easy to build and can't be forced because it takes the cooperation and support of both parties involved. They can be rife with problems just as relationships between parents and their children can be.

I would question anyone who mentors our youth and at the same time be guilty of not practicing what they "preach."

Is there a system for screening and scrutinizing "mentors" to make sure they are on the up and up and teaching positive coping skills by example?

Big Brothers AND Sisters of AMERICA DOES A VERY GOOD JOB AT SCREENING churches offer good mentors but we know all to well that their track record is not the best BBSOA is a great organization if you are interested start there!

I'm not sure if age has that much to do with it although I agree that older and wiser through experience is a good combination.

There are so many different influences (peers, media, elders with not so good examples), surrounding todays youngsters, that even with a good upbringing, sometimes these influences can easily sway the values a child has learned at home.

The way I learnt was to be individual, and NOT to follow the crowd. However, not all of us are strong headed and are able to say NO to anything, not just having unprotected intercourse.

Sadly, children are still having children so rather than judge (as many do), we can encourage those who have started to bear children early, to get back into the education, work, or anything they are interested in creatively and make them aware of all the help there is available for them so that they can still make it!

We need to set an example to show what is achievable for our children to have better for their children i.e. education, work, supportive family and friends, and positive energy.

Granted, not everyone has all these things around them but a lot can be achieved in a few years and you can still be young before having children. I've done it! So what I'm saying to any of you who are young parents and reading this, KNOW that it is possible as long as you don't let anyone make you loose focus of your dreams. Everyone has a dream of some sort, just follow it, be dedicated to it and if you don't feel that you can do it for yourself, please do it for your children.

:heart:

Ladies and Gentlemen ... this is a wonderfully encouraging thread! Thanks to everyone who has contributed and a special thanks to our Sister Regina for starting it! :toast:

Regina and Queenie ... the two of you were discussing how we might be able to provide more information to the young ladies that frequent here ... what came of that? Regina you have so much encouragement to share in this regard! Isn't this wonderful! I was thinking that we could have a chat (perhaps for Sisters only?) where we could all come together, young and old, and share. Regina you mentioned that it works best when the males and females are separated. We have a great opportunity here and it would seem such a waste not to take full advantage of it. What say you ladies? :)

DestinyLove222 ... i think you are deserving of much praise!!! :toast: Whether you are seeking it or not, you deserve it! It's not easy with so many temptations out here, so many opportunities to have sex ... you press your way toward the goal you've set for yourself and choose to abstain from engaging in pre-marital sex. This is a WONDERFUL thing Sister! Please stay focused! I'd love for you to ask your Mother to join us here on the forum as she's obviously done a fantastic job with her own baby and may be willing to share some of her wisdom and insight with other young ladies that may not have that same level of encouragement in their lives! Yesss ... please ask your Mother to join us!!! :)

By having a forum and hopefully a scheduled voice chat, where we can come together and discuss these issues, encourage each other, learn from each other ... will go a long way in helping our youth to avoid the many pitfalls, traps, and snares that are laying out there waiting to twist their lives up.

Voice Chat Discussion ??? What would be a good time? We could meet once a week? I'm ready ... let's talk it out.

:heart:

Destee

Destee, great idea! Just let me know when...

Des, I contacted Regina to follow-up our conversation and I never heard back. I'm glad you followed through because I agree this as well as many other topics here would be great discussion topics for Voice Chat. I'll be in the room tonight so if you want, we can discuss details then.

Peace :heart:

Ohhhhhhhhh Boy !!! :jumping: I'm soooooo excited !!!! :jumping:

Wow ... this is what it's all about!!! Regina can you join us in voice chat tonight, let's say about 8 pm ET? We have 2 chat rooms once you login to voice chat and we'll be meeting in the GENERAL DISCUSSION room. No special equipment is required. It's good if you have speakers (so you can hear what's being said on the mic) and if you have a microphone (if you'd like to be speaking and Sister Regina, we want you speaking!). If you don't have these things that's okay, because everyone can participate by reading and typing text.

I'd like to invite any and all Sisters that want to join us as we begin the building and healing process! Wow!!!! This is beautiful!!! We have so much to offer each other ... i can hardly wait! I'm so excited!! Just think ... our coming together, to encourage and talk to each other may possibly keep one young lady from making a "not-so-wise" decision!!! WoW!!! Okay ... let me breathe !!! :)

Okay ... to enter chat just visit this URL: www.*************/chat
From there, all you have to do is enter your Username. Please try to get in before 8 pm ET so we can work out any bugs ahead of time. If you do have problems, just post them here and we'll try to walk you through them!!!

Wow ... C'mon My Sisters ... Let's Do This!!! :)

Regina ... will you be able to log in tonight @ 8 pm ET?

:heart:

Destee

Looking forward to it!! :toast:

Talk to you tonight!

SISTERS!!!!

For those that didn't show up last night, you missed some great conversation in Voice Chat. The atmosphere in the room was warm, respectful and we had FUN!

Trust me, you won't want to miss out on the opportunity to share in the discussion and have a great time with your sisters. Men joined us last night and are welcomed to join us again all this week as we continue our discussion of "Children Having Children." We start at 8 pm EDT and you might want to arrive a little early so you can get a seat!!

Peace!!! :wave: :heart:

Children Having Children (a video) http://www.buyindies.com/listings/9/2/AIMS-9299.html

According to the Congressional Black Caucus Foundation improvements seen in lower teen pregnancy rate among Blacks:

"The study also found that the teenage birth rate decreased 14% for blacks living in urban areas, more than any other minority group. In 2000, 21% of black women living in cities who gave birth were teenagers, compared to 17% of black women living in suburbs. The teenage birth rate also dropped 5% among urban Hispanics and 9% for urban Asians."

http://www.cbcfhealth.org/content/contentID/1554

I am in the age of young girls and I don't have sex and if I do have sex I will protect myself with birth control. I plan to have sex when I get married. Every girl is different. All girls aren't alike. My mom talks to me all the time about sex. Even though I am very tempted to have sex I do not succumb to temptation because I know sex before marriage is wrong. But if I do have sex before I get married I will ask God to forgive me. Reply if you have something to say about what I wrote!!!!!!!! :)

Keep in mind sistah, GOD will always forgive you. He forgives us all when we make mistakes. Sex is not a sin. It is just something that enters the mind too early and needs to be controlled in whatever way you choose.

Cedric Denson