:maddd: I'm mad because sistas think it's better to hate one another than to support each other. Sometimes we all fight the same battles. such as: the baby daddy drama, the wight lose issues and other things. We allow ourselves to become stressed out over the little things, and instead of saving a good friendship we rather destroy it or let it go. I have 1 best friend that is female, a good friend who is female and 3 best male friends who I've been friends with for about 10yrs. Sistas need to support one another :heart:

Respectfully...you can't began to support one another while criticizing at the same time...I believe it starts there.

ZG...you don't think that "constructive" criticism can also be viewed as supportive?

you can't do both at the same time Queen. To me, "constructive" criticism is more on a personal nature. When you make a broad statement like "sistas think it's better to hate one another than to support each other" how can that be construed as "constructive"?...who is the recipient?

I've read other posts by Azzura and she is about solutions, I commend her on her efforts. It just sounded to me like an indictment and not something of a support nature. Notice I said "respectfully"in my reply because I could be wrong in my interpretation of her comment and intentions.

That's all I was trying to convey :)

oh. ok! :)

Constructive criticism doesn't have to be of a personal nature, the person just sees it that way. Some women think any kind of advice that is not seen as "poor baby" type is harsh.

(Young sista here)

So tell me....Where does the healing from the hurt that my sista has caused me by taking my man, by borrowing money and never paying it back, by not thanking me for babysitting her bad a** kids; where does it begin?

Once the pain is gone...How can we fix the problem?

NDeep...many sisters don't trust each other and competing for what they see as a small pool of eligible men. I refuse to compete...life is not a pageant.

We can fix the problem by looking at ourselves and truly seeing what needs to be addressed in our lives. We then reach out to other sisters and assist them.

So refusing to compete; giving each other a bite to eat....K

That might just work. Now we need to alert the masses...Then again "I can't save the world, but I can try to save my little corner"

Let's all work together on this thing.
Thanx for the advice Big Sista

to respond to Azzura's mssg....I believe that things aren't always what they seem and that is how situations come about. I DO believe that we need to support each other more but at the same time it does help to be cautious. There r some ppl that just don't know how to be a friend....or even an associate for that matter. I think we need to be more supportive of our race as a whole.

I Believe also that we need to support our own race, but at the same time, how can you support the person that is out to hurt you. Drama between sistas and Brothas will go on until we learn how to respect each other. I've decided the best way I can help out is to reach out to those who want my love and the friendship I can and will give them.

NDeep,

Your intuition is one of the strongest tools you have in evaluating whether a person means well or not. Keep a positive attitude. I believe there is hope for us but only until we truly address the negativity against each other in an unbiased way.

Older sisters should reach out to younger sisters and show them the way...

Peace my sister and I wish you well.

It's all about a positive attitude....Imma think on that.
Thanx Big Sista

Oohhh boy I only gots 2 female BEST Friends and I treasure them like Gold :) There are those who thrive off the negative sometimes its easier to be negative than to uplift unfortunately it all go back to having self-respect sista's need to learn self-respect to give self-respect.
Me I know my worth so aint no hatin statements that can draw me down (and TRUST I've heard a LOT especially claimin Black and bein MUlTI-Cultural I've got many a horror story. Thats back when I use to get ******y right back not any more I've learned the high road) So they put me down and ya know what I turn the other cheek and compliment b4 they spew words off hate...ya gotta beat them to it wit some joy.
Spread the love...its contagious...trust me...people learn by actions...so if I gotta sacrifice and take a few dirty looks in order to spread a lil sunshine on a sista...I'm a do what I gotta do. At the same time nini08 & NDeep have a point, there's always somethin more to the hostility than one knows.

I've read all the messages here and have seen some great advice and opinions. It's amazing how we can come together like this and arrive at solutions or good approaches to our problems, but it seems tougher to do when we're face-to-face.

I agree, attitudes are the key....our own and those in each of us. Something powerful seems to be affecting our daily attitude about ourselves and about the world around us. I think so many of us get extremely frustrated and depressed about things that we feel helpless, cheated on and victimized. When you think that way, I don't think there's anything positive that can come from it.

Why are we so hurtful to each other? Why don't we trust each other? I strongly believe that we care about each other but we fight hard to convince ourselves that we don't or shouldn't.

Why do some of us choose a "no good" man over a genuine sister friend? Some of us will let a man dawg us, but the first time a sister friend reaches out to help us stop the madness, we're ready to cut her.

I agree Regina, some of us are overly sensitive and no matter what others do to help us, those efforts are often viewed as a threat or another attack even though the criticism may be justified.

Sisters disrespecting others by getting romantically involved with another one's man--it's wrong in my opinion. Sadly, I think the guilty sister knows it's wrong but she goes ahead and does it anyway in spite of how much pain she's causing another sister.

Why do some of us find it so easy to point the finger and yell "guilty" at another sister, when we may be living the same lie but making excuses for our choices?

Why do some of us join the "amen" corner of the etermal sisterhood, then turn right around and creep or talk about each other behind our backs?

Sisters making promises to each other and not honoring them happens because you never know if something valid came up to prohibit her. But what's majorly wrong is if the sister lied and never had any intention of keeping her promise when she made it or if she takes her friend for granted and never tells her why she can't keep her promise. That's wrong!

Some of us are more competitive than others and in the game of life, competition in some things--including relationships--is inevitable and not necessarily bad or wrong. People in society set the rules in the game of love and as long as the rules are abided by, then it can be a healthy situation. I think we all "compete" to some degree in many things we do but somewhere along the line we lost the right spirit so that when someone doesn't get "first place", to them it becomes all about winning and not whether the game was played fairly or not.

nini I agree with you too. Some people don't know what it takes to be a friend. Simply put, everyone doesn't have a "good" spirit and some of these people are Black. Soooo...not everyone that says they are your friend, truly are your friend. It pays to learn the difference early in life.

I always want to look deeper into the psychology of people to find the root causes to explain why they think and act the way they do.

What do social workers do and can they help with some of these issues? I'm curious because I really don't know.

i'm gonna let u ladies come together and hold my thoughts
I like what i see in y'all replys

:smash:

:hot: :o it is my belief, that women, will never be able to withstand each other in great numbers, especially sistas.

too many of us still hold on to that slave teaching, where we were taught to rebel against each other and be jealous.

also, on a larger scale, satan has created enmity between he and the women. this takes away the femininity aspect from us and makes us way to dominant and aggressive.

this is one of the many reasons why we cannot collaborate with one another, and it will only get worse.

Flipping to the other side of the coin for just a moment.

There is evidence that Black women have, do and can get along and even be friends. They can be kind to each other. Although, admittedly some of us do, many of us don't have a slave mentality or rebel against each other or are even jealous of each other. Many Black women are supportive of and find comfort in their friendships with each other.

Traits that I might view as capable, others might call dominant. What I call assertive others see as being aggressive. Angry and frustrated--many Black women feel these emotions and yes, sometimes do express these feelings to others in painful ways. We've reached a point in our society where we now have to learn how to deal with our anger and frustration in healthy ways.

But we can do it and be good to each other.

"Black Women's Organization for Political Action"
http://www.bwopa.org/programs/bwoed.htm

"Just Between Friends: African American Women Celebrate Friendship"
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/stores/detail/-/books/0684846764/reviews/103-6276877-6671801#06848467645000


"The Justus Girls"
[url]http://www.bet.com/articles/1,,c4gb2831-3494,00.html

Azzura ... thanks for another great thread. I too have read all the responses and would like to share my opinion.

I believe we can love, support, encourage and embrace each other unconditionally. I think that we have all been hurt, some moreso than others. Some of us have healed and some are in the process of healing, and some don't even know they've been wounded. We, Black women, have historically been mistreated by most every other People. It's a wonder we can trust the voice in our own head. We've been bombarded with every reason in the world not to trust other Black people, be they male or female. We all have issues. We all have reason to be gun shy. We're afraid, vulnerable, and just hoping that one day our sincere effort of extending our friendship will be met with the same spirit.

With that said, we are here discussing how we can come together, how we can heal, and how important it is that we do. We are the child bearers, the nurturers. We give birth to both male and female, therefore, we must learn to forgive our Sisters and continue building relationships with them, just as we forgive our Brothers and continue building relationships with them. We are the backbone of the family and community. It's terribly dysfunctional that we can't nurture adult female friendships ... but we are raising young girls??!

I will always believe that our success as a People begins with self. Be it this issue we suffer from or any one of the many others. Each of us must challenge ourselves to be the type of friend to our Sisters that we want them to be to us. That's all you have any control over. Nothing else. You have no control over how the Sister down the street treats other Sisters, or the Sister around the corner. You can be an example to that Sister. You can give her to know that not all Sisters are low-down and dirty, seeking to steal her man, willing to cut her throat, talk about her, use her, etc. You can give her to know that the world has sincerely loving Sisters in it. You can be her evidence.

When it comes to trusting someone. You do that gradually. There is a certain level of trust given upon initially meeting someone. You may trust that they're not going to pull out a knife and begin stabbing you, so you stand there and shake hands with a smile on your face. But when you begin sharing your most intimate, detailed, heartfelt "life gems" with people ... let it be because they've given you evidence that they can be trusted. This goes for anyone, not just Sisters.

Let us continue building with each other. Together we can heal from all the pain we have and do endure. There's no doubt in my mind that we love each other. If we love ourselves, we love each other. We are the same in so many ways. In no time at all, people will be saying, "What's up with all this Black Sister Unity!" It all begins with self.

:heart:

Destee

wow...destee said it so clearly and distinctly...i would like to add one thing...in our loving self..finding self...we have already begun to come together...for we are here talking, communicating ..utilizing physical, mental, spiritual and technological tools at this special forum to reach our self and each other