Or is it about unity at all?

Perhaps its solely about self preservation, wherein we become one dimensional opportunists.

What say ya'll? While you formulate a response, think about this for just a second..

Those who attempt to reform the world must first reform themselves. In order to be followed by others in the way to a better world, they must purify their inner worlds of hatred, rancor, and jealousy, and adorn their outer worlds with all kinds of virtues. The utterances of those who are far removed from self-control and self-discipline, who have failed to refine their feelings, may seem attractive and insightful at first, but they will not be able to inspire others - or, if indeed they do, the sentiments they arouse will soon die away.

Personally, I think both women and men are looking for unconditional love but don't know how to give it. In order to experience great love, you have to risk the pain of not having that person one day. That can occur through death or other situations.

One should not compromise their self-respect or their self-esteem for the sake of a relationship. Love is uplifting. If it isn't, then it is imitation love, lust, obsession or dysfunctional.

My parents considered our family a team. A team can't win without a plan, a play, a goal...And when one player of the team is hurt or has an off night, the other team members must pick up the slack or lose. And a team has a leader...

So is it then, that we have no idea of what to contribute to a relationship, or what to be in a relationship because we have not refined our own minds?

I think Thandi has seen me write before about us not being taught how to embrace one another. We have certainly perfected tolerance (well putting up with one another) but do we seek others highest good - or do we embrace that part of others that is advantageous to us?

I also think a problem with relationships is people settle...No one will have everything you want, but you should be happy with that person. Friends first...

Regina your words sound familiar.

But I do want it all.

The best of the big three: Communication, Sex, and Financial Security - and I want you to want all three of them equally and with just as much fervor as I do.

Is there something wrong with that?

What's partaking in the privilege or marriage if you're living beneath said privilege.

If someone is willing to sign up for your idea of "virtue in dysfunction" then knock yourself out.

I am and want to have peace in my home for I desire it in totality.

Now I will take the breath of life out of a man, but I am not going to fight with a woman - any woman - whether spouse or not.

Certainly matrimony is not a utopia, but the heart of said she seek the utmost for your lover and do so with harmony at heart.

I will and can walk with little qualms about it. You can keep your sleeping with the enemy stuff.

Bobby and Whitney's marriage is bearing NO FRUIT! Zero, zilch, nada. (Not that I look to them anyhow..)

..or the other not forming a wall of resentment, that may be as equally taxing to tear down?

What of the years lost, my dear Elmo? Can you redeem that time?

Oh, and no way you're 19. You're just waaay to smart, ya know? :rolleyes:

Elmo, you're too young to be talking about this sort of stuff anyhow. Shouldn't you be in the library getting your study on?

Goodyman..

I believe that too many people want that "once in a lifetime" fairytale kind of love..which for the most part doesn't exist ..real love is hard work..relationships are hard work and each partner has to give as well as take and make compromises and sacrifices...only those two people involved will know how much they can compromise/sacrifice/give in a relationship to make it work to their satisfaction..and I also think it's a good idea to think rationally before you make requests to a partner concerning their input into the relationship...if you expect it of them, then you also must expect it of yourself, whatever it is...it's a two sided coin, different but the same....

K

Elmo...

how did you arrive at the conclusion that Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown make a "good couple"?

talk about your proverbial rocky road...these two paved the way..and what about the effect their dysfunctional relationship has on their little girl....people who love each other don't continually try to wreck each others lives to prove that love...their relationship is not only dysfunctional..their love is....and it's also destructive and shows no sign of recovery unless they change their lifestyle....this is a classic example of what not to do in a relationship...

K

When you come back to America, please join the Black
Congress. I will be joining after I finish graduate school.
I love to debate on these issues. I promise not to embarrass
you to BAD :nuts:

pd

Trent Lott stepped down as a result of the action of
Black Congress and the NAACP

Reach a little deeper with the facts sweetie before
you lead other people under your direction

ok

peace

if you would rather burn in hell than join the Black Congress,
then how do you feel about joining the NAACP and other
organizations?

again, you don't have to join anything already established,
but please DO SOMETHING.

pd

Kitana said:

Goodyman..

I believe that too many people want that "once in a lifetime" fairytale kind of love..

Probably so, but I don't. I want to know if my mate has enough fortitude and introspect to seek the highest for herself and her lover without making any excuses.

..which for the most part doesn't exist ..real love is hard work..relationships are hard work and each partner has to give as well as take and make compromises and sacrifices...

We all know this. The challenge is not to give and take and sacrifice down the road, it's to get level set going in, or remove ALL obstacles in the way of total harmony and unity in the relationship. For example:

Don't expend too much energy into THINGS if there is no harmony. Why invest in a house, when it's not going to be a home?

Children? Why? Just another thing in the way that takes away from what we should be doing for one another. Let's get committed to us, before we bring another into this world.

Elmo, you write you're going to grad school. Good. Do it now. Don't do it when your well into your marriage, especially if things are not peachy. It's one more thing to hinder your growth as a couple. You see what I'm saying?

pnly those two people involved will know how much they can compromise/sacrifice/give in a relationship to make it work to their satisfaction..

I agree..

and I also think it's a good idea to think rationally before you make requests to a partner concerning their input into the relationship...

Can you explain this Kitana? What would be an irrational request.

if you expect it of them, then you also must expect it of yourself, whatever it is...it's a two sided coin, different but the same....

I can get with this, once you explain the other one.

Elmo..what does perfectionism have to do with relationships? Give me some examples please. You say this:

1.A one time mess up can end the relationship before it's officially started and or damage relationship to irrepairable measures.

What one time mess up? Adultery? Betrayal? Give me an example then I'll tell you why I'd leave you for your one time mess up, Elmo.

2.Perfectionists expect the impossible from lover and or promises that are unattainable at the most.

Like what? Effort? Humility? Loyalty? What?

3.Perfectionists suck, some even resort to finding a woman of different culture,race and or creed as a legitimate solution.

Hey, sometimes leaving in and of itself is the solution. What the person does after that is irrelevant, right? You should be concerned that it got so bad that that man or woman had to leave, Elmo. What factors led to his departure? Can I get a testimony? (Not to mention that 19 years old is about 7 years too soon to be in any serious relationship anyhow. Good grief, Elmo!)

Goodyman...

when I said that too many people want that fairytale kind of love I meant that too many go into a relationship expecting it to be an easy ride....and it's not....a relationship is not something you can enter into saying you want this or that, because it changes all the time..people change, going through the phases of our lives, so therefore our relatonship must change as well....and because of this you must make sacrifices/comprises and give, somewhere down the road....you can not remove all obstacles in the way of a relationship in the beginning of a relationship and expect to have that relationship last for a lifetime.....it may start off great but then there will be a change and new obstacles will appear.....

thinking rationally concerning your requirements for a relationship to me means that if you expect a certain quality in your partner, then you must also expect your partner to want set qualities from you as well....too many people fall in love and then try to change the other..to me an irrational request is setting down rules and requirements that are supposed to last for the duration of the relationship (when you think this relationship will last for all time), there are some things you can state that you will not tolerate, and thats fair, but there are some things that may happen later in the relationship that you might learn to tolerate....a realtionship never stays at the same level..it will change all the time...you have to work out how to change with it (compromise)
and sometimes you can't have everything your own way (sacrifice).

K

Let me drop my 2 cents right in, I agree with Regina when she posted that a person should not compromise his or her self-respect. The playing field has to be equal or your ego will find you by yourself. People want too much from the other person. Want know more than you can give! Identify between want and need. I want a lady with a job so I make sure I have a job, if she is not working do to the depression that is a different story. There is no book to dating so you will have to expect some tough times and a lot of trial and error.

I agree Nfant. You have no business asking for something that you can't also bring to the table. When you find yourself compromising more than the other partner and after much discussion, is it time to call it quits?