When do you kick "FRIENDS TO THE CURB"
long story short. i am friends with this guy. he intoduced me to his then girlfriend. they are now married and have a son. ok so me an the wife hit if off and stuff. e-mail each other, hung out at the house, club, concerts, used to do her hair, shopping, the whole nine yards right. she said i was her friend. i thought we were straight too. they came to our house, we went to their house, we did birthday parties and everything. her hubby was cool with my hubby and all that right.

so she got fired from her job about 2 1/2 months ago, they had to move into another apt cause they couldn't keep up the house note (understandable), the car broke down and lets just say everythang tween her and him ain't all peaches and cream. Nawl we ain't talkin divorce or nothing like that. Anyway, all this time she has not picked up the phone to say hey ***** i'm still living. I mean i went to columbus for her baby shower after knowing her for only a few months but because her hubby which i met first asked i said ok. i've tried to call her on several occasions. no answer. her hubby knows something is up, but i've told him it's between she and i. i don't want him or my hubby caught in the middle so to speak.

It's been 3 months since I've talked to her. Now i'm pissed off because you don't claim to be someone's dawg and then when **** hit the fan you clam the hell up. No calls, no e-mail NOTHING.... would I be wrong to call her out and be done with the "FRIENDSHIP"?

One

what you've described; her problem is not with you. Some people have a way of clamming up, as you say, due to embarrassment and shame. I know, you've been pursuing the friendship out of the kindness/goodness and concern of your heart.

Show her you know how to be a friend and be there when she comes out of her shell. It'll be all right to get on her a bit...let her know you thought she'd dropped off the side of the planet....let her know you thought it was your breath, etc. But be there for her when she's ready. No need to be twisted and on the verge of dropping her. Give her time. Pray for her and the fam...since you know things aren't peaches and cream... don't add to the spoilage. It takes nothing from you to take the high road. Your being there, even in her silence, will show her how it should be done.

Somebody once extended this same type love to me. I had to give thanks that I wasn't kicked to the curb....I was taught what a true friend is, and how going "ghost" on folks with no word, is harmful to feelings. I learned how to be a friend from that experience. Glad I came back.... glad she was still there. We're even tighter now, because of HER example of unconditional love toward me.

Just my humble opinion.

peace

alyce

I agree with Alyce, people respond to situations differently. Some of us talk to others about our problems, and then some of us drop out of sight. Sometimes when you are going thru something, you just don't want to talk to anybody, you withdraw inside your own little world until the storm is over or until you can handle it better. You don't necessarily have to be her sounding board in order to prove that you are her friend, just be there when she is ready to talk. Don't take it personally...I can guarantee you that if you two are dawgs like you say, when she reaches that point where she can better handle the situation, then she'll reach out to you, until then just be there with the tissue paper ready to wipe away some tears.

you all are saying to me and alyce you crazy (the breath). Continue to be there for when and if she decides to come around. I've done that for the past 3 months and still nothing from her. How long do I let this go before I say anything another 3 months?

I agree people deal with situations differently and that's what make us who we are, but gosh yall I do deserve some type of something. I deserve better than three months of silence. I'm not trying to be all up in the business. Her hubby and I are still cool and don't say it's because he's a guy. I mean he and my hubby are straight as well. I ask him about her but not as much because like I said I don't want him in the middle of what ever it is you know. He got enough to deal with as it is and I don't wanna add no sticks to the bundle they already carrying.

again...as long as it takes...she may never speak on this issue, some people have a problem with discussing personal problems....you just have to be understanding, no matter how long it takes....I've been in her situation...I remembers times when I have shut down and shut everybody out...I just didn't want to talk about it, and the more people tried to get me to talk the more I withdrew. Regardless if they want to share their problems or not, it shouldn't dictate whether you're going to do away with them....just be there in case she needs you.

Peace.

you right, preciate the words they mean a lot.




One

no problem...that's what I'm here for.

'Zorbsh'n ... if my friends kicked me to the curb when i deserved it ... i'd have no friends at all.

:heart:

Destee

LOL u are so true probably why i ain't got none ha ha ha

Zorbsh'n ... if a friend kicks you to the curb ... were they really your friend?

:heart:

Destee

Sometimes, life just happens. We outgrow people, or, they outgrow us. Even among school kids, there are, what they call 'associates'; OK to talk to, but they can't trust them...so they don't get too close.

We all have had those Ace Boon Coons from 'back in the day', but some folk just can't stand to see you doing well...so they jet, and drop a bomb on you that it's YOUR fault that they left in the first place.

I've got several friends...and so do many of us...whom I've cried with, stayed up with, prayed with, and helped through. They got to where they wanted to go...and my phone has fallen silent. After all, they have 'arrived' and don't need someone in their corner to spur them on. They WERE friends...but they chose NOT to be friends any longer.

Friendship is a choice...and there ARE some folk that we need to kick to the curb...and some folk who may feel that they can kick us to the curb. Funny thing though...the very person who throws you over to the side is the first person who is boiling with envy when someone picks YOU...someone who just likes you for YOU...as a friend.

I can count on my two hands the number of close friends that I have...and I treasure each one of them. Especially the folk here at Destee's place.

When I call y'all FAM, I mean it! Even when we fuss, argue, and fight...we are still FAM.

That's what friendship is all about.

If you want a real friend...show yourself friendly. If folk don't, and are only after what you can do FOR them...they ain't friends, they are 'associates'.

Mike Ramey