I am new to this site and there is a circumstance that I feel that I do not have anyone to turn to. I may only be 19 years old, but please hear me out: I have had a rough childhood, abuse, neglect, etc. Also I have posted a poem on here, so you'll probably see me on here on the poetry forum page.

WARNING: THIS MAY BE A LONG MESSAGE, BUT PLEASE BARE WITH ME.

I was a student at a high school of the name of Central High School in Kansas City, Missouri. I was adopted at age 15. She was very rude and used me for money. I did not like that at all. It was very sickening. I had money that came in the mail for me through the government and she gets her hands on it before I can even touch it. She threatened to kill me and hits me and everything. She was very volatile towards me and the other children in the household. She had a boyfriend and she would come up with these farfetched things about him and me that I stopped asking him for help on my homework. So I endured her disrespect for 3 years. And when I turned 18. I decided to get a job at a public library. I also went to school in my senior year. And I met this teacher who was new to the school district and he taught Spanish. Technically, he majors in music and his minor is Foreign Language (Spanish). We talked and talked during orientation. I met him on my birthday, which was August 20th 2001. I talked about how eager I was to go to college and continue my education. The school year started 8/27/01. He talked to this teacher who also taught Spanish. She was so mean and nasty and had hygiene problems (hair not taken care of, menstruation smells, etc). The students did not have any respect for her. He used to take her home everyday, and she was just as nasty and mean to us. She was a black bigot, also. She talked about how the students' mother shouldn't have produced them and how they should be exterminated in gas chamber and facetious things like that.
But on the weekends me and the Spanish teacher that I talk to had always met at the job on the weekends to help me with scholarships. Then I would thank him and he went on home. I also had an additional job on the school grounds as a bus monitor. So I had to get up extra early in the morning, and walk to school. The male Spanish teacher would always invite me into his classroom to put my head down and get a little rest until it was time for me to go outside and monitor the bus arrivals. When it was raining, he offered me an umbrella and told me that I can keep it. He was so sweet and nice to me. He gave me money if I needed it.

But on September 25th 2001, two weeks after the terrorist attack, my adopted mother kicked me out of her home because she did not get any money for me in the mail and the little money I was making at my job she tried to swindle me out of it as well and I refused to give in, so she threw me out. So I stayed with my cousin and her family. I got along with her family real good without any problem. I got my hair permed and everything. I was just experiencing being my own woman. My cousin and I would always have woman-to-woman talks when I wasn't able to get to sleep at night. We would laugh and joke about things. So this Spanish helped me transfer my money to a new bank and everything. He paid for my deposit to start the bank acct. He took me every payday to deposit my check. I would stay after school with him and he would take me to work and he would be there late at night to take me back to my cousin's house. I finally confided in him one day that my mother kicked me out and how she treated me. He stated, "I would let you stay with me, but that would be crossing student/teacher relationship." At least he was nice enough to help me call shelters. I told him, "I am doing fine with my cousin to tell the truth."

A week later he asked me, "Would you object if you were in my custody?" I told him to give me a while to think about that. He took that female mean and nasty Spanish teacher home and when he dropped me off, he asked me the same question. And I told him that I would not object. He claimed he wanted a teenage daughter. He wanted to do an adult adoption. He was 52 and I was 18 at the time.

So I decided to trust him and that female teacher
told the principal and tried to get him fired. So they argued and argued and he decided to stop taking her home. He told me that I am just as important as she was.


We started living together October 8th 2001 and he started making sexual advances at me two weeks after we started living together and things ended up leading to another. (Kissing on the stomach, breast, tongue action sexual encounters etc). I can't even explain if it felt good, but when you read this post, assume what you want.


I had decided to resign at my job at the public library on the 31st of October 2001 because I was falling behind in schoolwork. So I decided that I will finish school and I will work later. November 4th 2001, I had to switch schools just because of the rumors that decided to pop up and he was about to lose his job. He treated me more of a girlfriend than a daughter. He kept on saying that we are father and daughter, but he kisses me in an undaughterly manner (on the neck, tongue action, etc). But anyways, the school he met me from was spreading rumors, saying that I am this teacher's girlfriend and that I am his wife, and he came home and told me one day that someone said that I was bragging and saying that I was 'shacking up with him.' And I did not, but I do not know if he really believes me. So he suggested that I should not go to that school anymore to visit my friends at anytime. All too soon, I ended up graduating early in the school, due to the fact that I had more credits completed, so I started English 110 in University Of Missouri Of Missouri - Kansas City. I finished a semester there with a passing grade. But still I told him that I regret for going to Central High School if I wasn't going to be able to see my friends because of this. He told me that I do not have to feel guilty about it. I am confused about this. Can't you readers tell that I am so far?

Then the month of February he calls himself adopting me. He told me, "That it was symbolic, meaning that we are pretending like we are father and daughter so these Central High School administration would not assume anything." Then he told me, "It seems like there is never a lack of someone running their mouth, without hearing the facts. They think that I am trying to get you to be my girlfriend or something. I am not that stupid. I don't touch female students," when he and I both know that is a lie.

Before the adoption went through, this teacher and me were getting into stupid little arguments about nothing. I wrote this letter to a close friend about me and this teacher and how he has been kind of keyed up lately. It was not a harmful letter at all. Well the letter came up missing and ended up in his binder. Obviously, he read it and misinterpreted it, thinking that I was bad mouthing him. While the letter was coming up missing, he refused to help me look for it. That is how I suspect that he had something to do with it. Then he started withdrawing from me more and more that it was making me sick. He acts like he did not want to be bothered at night anymore, but he gets real jealous when I talk about another man who likes me, and he tries to act like a boyfriend. It is so weird. He keeps on claiming that he would be crazy to marry a 18 yr. old woman but yet he told me that this adoption is more like a marriage and that I am like a wife to him.

In March, he calls himself teaching me how to drive and he was barely there to teach me to tell the truth. I taught myself. He let me drive by myself on a permit status, knowing that that is considered as illegal. During this month, I had something happen to my car, transmission trouble. And I called him at Central High School and he suggested me to come home and he will be there at 3:00. He did not get home 'till 5:30 pm. I questioned him about it and he snapped at me like it wasn't important. I also felt that he was messing with this other student, because he keeps on going up to her job, sneaking her money, and he is coming home treating me like a piece of trash. She was pregnant and I honestly feel that she could care less what happens to him, but I was the one at him, cleaning, fixing lunch, and everything when she is doing nothing but running the streets, getting knocked up by man after man who is now behind bars due to a warrant. But yet he messes with her anyway. I think because of a letter that I wrote, he calls himself 'fixing' me. People that I went to school with up there is telling me that he be touching on students in his classroom.

In the month of May, facetious jokes saying things like, "Guaranteed or your daughter back." He was talking about me. I felt that he is trying to replace me with the student I suspect that he is messing with behind my back.


In June 2002, I had applied at Apple Market grocery and got hired on the spot; I needed some clothes to wear so when I get my first paycheck, I was going to buy some clothes. Well I felt that he is trying to tell me how to spend my own money. He used another reverse psychology by saying, "Go on ahead. I don't need your money. I make three times as much as you make anyway." He has been hollering at me sometimes and saying that I am a causing problem and he knows that that is not true. The Apple Market managers were bigoted against blacks and I am black and they also fired me for no reason.

That is part I

THE SUMMER HAS PASSED. MOVED TO CAHOKIA ILLONOIS, ARGUING, BUT AT LEAST WE MADE IT. THE HOLY SPIRIT, WHICH IS MY GRANDMOTHER HELPED ME THE BEST WAY SHE COULD.


Here's part II:
But the problem is that the principal did not renew his teaching license because of this, so I feel like I am at fault because he is taking it out on me and denies that he is. He is now working at the worst school in Illinois. We moved from Raytown to St. Louis. And it is ten times as worse as the last school he was employed in -- a lot of violence in the school, police coming everyday, false fire alarms, etc. And he plans to resigns, because he claims that he does not have a degree in Special Education. He would come home and make fun of the special education students and most of them are brighter than he thinks. I bring his lunch up there everyday and the students tell me how my "dad" treats them. He teaches K-12 and when I am in there when the second graders are in there. They always say out loud. "We don't like Mr. Hailey (my "dad"). We like your "daughter". Those second graders are so innocent and adorable. They always come over there and sit by me and talk to me in class. And they listen to me when I watch them sometimes, because unlike my "dad", I don't holler at them when they are loud and disrupting the class. That is why they have respect for me. He interviewed at a Catholic School to see if he can get a job in vocal music. He did not get hired because the principal in the Kansas City schools said that he touches on teenage girls. And that he cannot manage a classroom. But in ways I feel like he is trying to chase me out of the home to make it look like I am the one who has chosen to not be around or to make it look like it is all my fault and bring some other woman in who is supposedly "waiting in the wings" to replace me, which is sickening. This is because he is telling me that I want to have the last word. Now it seems like we cannot get along as good as we did anymore. He had just called me crazy a few days ago. When he sat up there and called me crazy, I sometimes think, "You are one who is crazy by picking up on a high school student." It is a lot of things that I have found out. I found out that he couldn’t get a teaching job at Springfield schools because they said that he was touching a female student.

I am currently attending college. I might be a teacher like him, but A SERIOUS TEACHER! The problem is that I feel that he is trying to throw these little obstacles in the way of me going to college. For example: Not too many nights ago, he came home from work, claims that he had a bad day and that he needed me to just be there and be supportive and understanding. I agreed with him, got out of his face asking questions. And was doing what I am doing now, got on the computer, and he usually notifies me when he is ready to go. But this time he just got up and walked all the way home just to get his car and I did not have my keys with me. So I could not drive around looking for him. Instead of my studying, I had to get park rangers to look for him. Then he still makes me look like I am guilty for nothing. He made it look like I was turning him in when I was looking for him. The people who work at the library like me, but they don't like him. The first thing that the park ranger asked me was "Does he have a mental problem?" So I had to spend half the night looking for him, and the park ranger told him, "Although she is an adult, your daughter had a right to be upset that you did not tell her where you were going." So he got mad, came home telling me, "They always take the woman's side, regardless if she did something or not. This walk away stuff happened the night before I had an exam in psychology class. I was doing so well in that class, but I needed that extra time to study in that class. The next day I took the test and I have received and 29/50, which is a F, and he acted like he did not care about that when I told him what grade I received. I felt like he meant to make it hard for me to concentrate in school. Then two days later, he bought me a greeting card, saying, "I'm sorry for what I did. Let's try to be friends and it will not happen again." Now I am at the library on this day typing this up and he is so scared to come to library because he knows that he was in the wrong for leaving me like that. And after I post this I have to do some extra credit in that class in order to keep my grade in line.


We have been arguing about this 'cheating' business with that student. Every time I bring it up, he explodes like crazy he gets mad, cursing at me, calling me names and slamming things scaring me. He says, "I wish you will drop this s***, you make me so f***** sick, you b****!" I have never heard him talk to me like that before. I thought that he was going to hit me and he told me to get out of his house and that I am crazy for thinking that, when he threatened to "crack" one day. Then he takes it back and says that he does not want me to go. After he exploded at me and cursed, stomped and threw things, he told me, "Honey, I am not that stupid to mess with female students. If I was then I would've been caught a long time ago." And he started saying this stuff to make me out as a liar. He also said, "I have never fooled with teenage students, unless you call it 'fooling' with you." Then he asked me questions that he already knows the answer to. He asked me "Have a ever messed with you, fooling with you, trying to get touchy-feely with you? I certainly wasn't." I didn't respond, because I know for a fact that he was. Then he comes to me and tries to say that he is sorry for what he said and tries to be affectionate and I pull away. And he gets even madder and says, "Fine then, since you want to be like that. In addition, I have also lost friends here and there because of this teacher. This cycle has been going on for months. I am getting to the point where I am scared of him to tell the truth. I am scared to breathe wrong without making him mad.




I feel funny about this. He is diabetic. The problem is that he acts like he does not want to be around me as much anymore for the past few months, every since the adoption went through. He acts like he does not want me here anymore. I try to cheer him up and he gets real irritated and he cusses at me, or calls names, or say things like "you make me sick", or I wished I hadn't taken you if you were going to pull this stunt." In other words, he would say that when he says hurtful things to me and he acts very insensitive to my feelings. I asked him last month, "Why have you been acting like you don't want to be around me?" He said, "Do you want to be here? Do you want to be my daughter, because I feel like you don't want to be my daughter anymore." I COULD HALFWAY BELIEVE AND NOT BELIEVE THAT HE SAID THAT when he started making the sexual advances on me first. I am definitely confused about that. I started acting more of a daughter to see if that would make a change? I wanted to know a couple of things:

1. Am I doing the right thing by trying to act more of a daughter, regardless if he likes it or not

2. Is he willing to be a father and I am not quite picking it up as well as I should or what?

3. Could someone please tell me what he wants from me?

I am in the quicksand and need to get out before I sink.

i have to agree with Keme ......time to make a change
move on with life and end da madness dis not reality quest
but a myth of false juction.....Keme is right !

OPEN YOUR EYES!...need i say more

Sometimes people are motivated by what they are familiar with, your background clearly has been abuse, neglect and lack of emotional support.
I read your story and I feel sadden because you do not know the difference.
In your search for someone to love you, you have gravitated to what is most familiar to you, which is sexual abuse and neglect. This is not love, this man is a pedophile, he preys on young women & children like you. You are just another one of his victims. First, I suggest that you get as far a way from this man as possible, secondly if you have the strength to do so, report him to the nearest authority because he has clearly been doing this for some time now. Thirdly, seek counseling, this is the only way you can overcome your past and move forward with your life in a normal fashion. You are still very young, you need to be aware of what real love is, it is not sexual abuse. I pray that you have the strength to do what is necessary.

God bless you