What are your thoughts on the "trend" of young men and women today having casual sex partners...

To my understanding these are partners who are available exclusively to one another for sexual purposes only...they may be friends and see each other socially but do not consider themselves to be boyfriend/girlfriend..they have no obligation to be more than a partner on a sexual level only...or...some of them have a casual sex partner but also reserve the right to take home other partners if they are attracted to someone else, and their CSP is supposed to accept this as part of the deal..

I know a few girls who are doing this, and call me old fashioned but I don't understand the arrangement...I recently discussed this with my daughter, and we had differing opinions on the subject...I cannot see how a person can have casual sex with another person exclusively and not develop a feeling of attachment to that person, especially when the arrangement goes on for months, even a year or more.....

I have heard arguments that men have been doing it for years so why can't women...I beg to differ...from what I've seen, if a man does not want to be committed he will "play the field" and not stay with any girl for too long if he doesn't plan on a relationship...

to me it seems like a selfish arrangement, not caring at all about the other person you are with, especially if it involves having sex with someone else as well as CSP whenever you feel like it...for me it opens a whole can of worms....health issues, moral issues, self worth & self respect issues...


K

Oh, I will wait and see what someone else has to say about this...I hope some of the people who are content being a casual partner speak out, because I have MAJOR issues with it.

I also have issues with this arrangement..not toward the people in the arrangement but toward they way they behave while in this type of "relationships"....

Firstly, from what I've seen, people in these arrangements deny the existence of any type of feeling toward the other, commmittment toward the other, or accountability toward the other.....if two people have an exclusive arrangement, then to my way of thinking they are committed to only one person, they have set boundaries and they have expectancies, which makes this a relationship of sorts....and which seems a lot safer than the other option...

with the other option, from what I've been told, the person has a permanent, for want of a better word, CSP, but then also is able to have sex with other people if they choose to do so...so there really is nothing permanent about the arrangement, is the CSP just there in case no-one else looks good enough to take home?..
and what about the higher risk of aids and other sexually transmitted diseases, it's not as if these people know the background of the people they are sleeping with..and this brings with it, for me, safety/moral/health issues....

to me there are a lot more disadvantages to this type of arrangement then there are advantages...

K

In my experience it is mostly the women who want this type of arrangement...so it must be a fairly even pecentage between both sexes...

I don't know any Tuesday/Thursday women:) ...but one of the girls I spoke to about this had a CSP who would ring her up and ask her to come around, sometimes giving her like ten minutes notice, and that was allright with her.....another had a guy she used as a CSP but he was also available as an escort whenever she went out to a social function and didn't want guys hitting on her, sometimes on these occasions there was no sex involved, he was merely an escort....to me this is kinda like they are providing a service but not getting paid for it.....

and I have to agree with you on health issue, with aids so rampant I would of thought the threat of it would be veering people away from these type of situations...but I was informed by the girls I talked to, that they practice safe sex...and they seem to think that covers everything....

I have had this discussion several times and I'm yet to be convinced that it's a win/win situation for those involved...there are just too many question marks as far as I can see...

K

for quite some time as well..

it's crazy :eek:

i heard of summer flings, winter flings, and spring
flings i guess it's the same concept in a sense

but in this day and age i'm definitely not down
with O.P.P like Naughty By Nature :lol: :toast:

peace

;)

Pd..I think it's a bit scary too..especially when I have three children who are all young adults...

in a way I can understand how, for someone who didn't want to be in a fully committed relationship, but still wants some of the advantages of being in one, could do this....and okay, if you only have one partner and you know they don't sleep around it could work....but when there is more than one partner involved, well to me, that's when it starts to get real scary...and very risky....nearly every one of the girls I know who are doing this, justify it with the same excuse....the men have been doing it for years, why can't we?....that just doesn't cut it.....blaming someone else for your behaviour is not a valid excuse for that behaviour.....we all have the choice to do want we want...these girls choose to have this type of relationship and I really think that some of them do not even stop to consider the implications of what they are doing, or what the outcome of it, could be....

K

Kem...dial up sex!!!!!:x:

but I guess that's exactly what it is is...

and I think as well as being empty, it's also a bit trashy when you are willing to be on call for sex...to me that's a loss of self respect....but this relationship lasted for nearly a year and I was told it suited both him and her..so go figure....

compelling!!!!...please elaborate:)

K

well apparently it's also compelling to the female as well...that might be what the attraction is for some....sex on request with no hassles;)

K

Now Now Kem...

don't be so greedy..surely someone as positively charming as your own sweet self would have plenty of women willing and able to shower you with all the attention you need:)

btw...what exactly would the scientific research involve....I need details...can't be misleading the ladies with false information now can I?

K

Not too many serious comments made... But tons of questions. Just for the record.. Casual sex is not old or new... Just more publicized today. And i give it a 50/50 rating. You may win... You may lose... A serious and bitter a chance any single being may be taking a risk at.

K... What would you consider to be the disadvantages. And what do you think are the advantages?

The amount of adults out here with no fathers. And I don't mean teenagers. But adults who did have not their father and some mothers around. And if they were to even sit and have a real conversation with their parents about those mishaps they may find several incidents where casual sex was truly running strong. Only difference in that day in age.. It just was not publicized. The norm had to start from somewhere. Remember the old saying. Every child takes after their offspring... The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

welcome to the discussion...not too many serious comments were made before you joined because it seemed that only Kem and myself were doing all the talking....

I guess if you want to get down to the nitty gritty, casual sex has been going on forever....it crosses all religions, races and cultures...in so many countries men of wealth and standing had mistresses and concubines as well as wives...so I guess that the mistresses and the concubines are really just CSP's...because after all they were used for sexual purposes...on a casual basis...

what do I consider the disadvantages and advantages to be?

if you are in this type of relationship where you are your csp's only partner, I would say that could be an advantage...there are many people out there who do not want to get married these days and this type of arrangement gives you the side benefits of a marriage without the hassles of day to day living and putting as much of an effort into the relationship...you have a partner both socially and sexually, but you do not commit fully to one another, which would work for some people..you can be part of a casual couple but still have your own life separate...

the disadvantages to me come from being a csp with more than one partner...the risk of sexually transmitted diseases, the social stigma of being in this relationship and the moral issues that go with it are all negatives to me....to me there is no point in having a csp if you are going to go out and take someone else home for sex whenever you feel like it...why not just go out and take whoever you like home, but don't have one waiting in the wings as well...and the idea of being on call for sex, to me is degrading to the male or female who lets themselves be on call..as far as I'm concerned this is offering a service and not getting paid for it...because it seems there is no respect involved at all...you are simply there to serve a purpose...and therefore being used...

K

My thoughts...

I don't think it is cool...commitment should be the goal not this...

As much as we want to think men and women are treated the same when it comes to casual sex, things are not the same.

A man can have as much casual sex as he wants and later find a suitable partner and get married. He is still treated as respectable.

A woman has casual sex and she is labeled. Her reputation follows her for the rest of her life.

It's doesn't seem fair but it is fact. Most men do not want their woman to be as sexually experienced as they are.

To this day, when I attend college reunions or a sporting event, I hear some men talk about women as they pass stating, "Yeh, man I had her."

Men and women should respect their bodies enough not to share it with just anyone.

i think that it has gone on for years but it wasn't out in the open until now. these days, folks just don't give a ***%. i'm not gonna lie, i have had "friends with benefits" and i remember being paranoid too... affraid that i was gonna get somethin'. but thank God i'm alright. these days it is just too risky. that's why i am happily invlolved with one man and that's how i'd like to keep it!

Well has far as their comment... "I 've had her." They will say that whether they got it respectfully or disrespectfully... the point was.. They got it.. and well most of the time.. thats all they see.

By the way.. its okay Kem. :)

K do agree with your advantage and disadvantages.
Advantages:
NO attachment
NO schedules
NO call ins
NO status checks
NO he say she say
NO committment except for sexually
NO expenditures on either party

Disadvantages
STD;s
No QT
NO commitment emotionally

*thats all i can think of right now...

But a casual partner is also a friend.... someone you deal with socially... Not a one night stand or your freak for the week type chic. Thats usually someone you done scoped out.. gave the run down... Told them you don't want to settle down. And you meet in the middle. Physically attracted to someone but no time for the relationship.. or even the time to try one. That person could have tried a relationship with them didn't work but physically they made it happen. Casual Partners... varied.. but not always classified as tryph. One must respect themselves in everything they do. And well as far as your name or lifestyle being out on the streets. It only gets their when you put it out their. A man is not look at as respectable because he slept with a lot of women. maybe to another man by definitely not a woman.. and most women don't think its okay.. so they still have to answer to they final Partner. Regardless... All actions whether right or wrong will be held accoutable by that party at some point and time.

As for me.. Been their done that.. and found so much more.. and gave my man the rundown.. as he gave me.. respectable we respect each other.. Our wild days as well as the best one we share together.

Miss Poetik... I feel ya.. their has been days like that.. but not for a long time..... and I will tell anyone... It feels great!!

This is my quote" I done did all I can and want to do with out a man by my side. Everything else... I can do with him right their.. Cruise.. get drunk... go dancing.. whatever" And its like dhat... Gotta be....

I agree with you nearly 100%..

but having three young adult children in todays world teaches you to broaden your mind a little and look at the possibility of other things which I would never have considered....ie..casual sexual relationships...

I would like to think it would be great if boy/girl meet, they fall in love and stay happily married forever after...or at least stay together for a while..that's the way it used to be....but then I got to thinking that maybe all these happy ever after stories weren't so happy after all...maybe people just stayed together because that was what was done....truth be told..I'm glad I'm not young and single and out looking for that special someone....because it's a whole other ballgame nowadays...it seemed so much simpler years ago...

I do agree with you on the stigma attached to men/women sleeping around....it's definitely a double standard and even more so in small communities...and yep..men will brag...not all men, but some will...but then I've heard young women do the exact same thing...and as for the respect issue, I think it's a case of "you get what you give"...it's all up to you...I know the thought of aids is terrifying to me, and we live in a world where we can't afford to think we are invincible, or it won't happen to us...it does, it can, and you have to be careful....

K

again I agree..it seems this is by means a new thing...just that it is more talked about and recognised as a common occurrence now....of all the girls I know of who are in this type of relationship, it seems to be about an even split..some have only one partner, some have more than one....it's the girls who have more than one partner that need to rethink what they are doing, in my opinion..there are just too many disadvantages to this type of relationship...

K

yep I think that just about covers everything ...as far as disadvantages and advantages go....

as for the casual partner also being a friend, I agree, but only if this was a relationship where each person only has the one csp...because these women/men seem to have this partner on a sexual and social level in their life...which brings me back to my original query...how can two people have a casual sex/friendship relationship over a lengthy period of time and not form a personal attachment...I guess some would go into these relationships stating what their expectations are....and letting their partner know that this is all they want out of the relationship...but somehow to me that seems a bit cold...you are sharing way more than your body and I think that for couples who are together for a lengthy period of time..an attachment would have to be a given...
what do you think?

K

they are two disadvantages I never thought of....but make perfect sense....I guess it would make life lonely at times as well, not just the nights...but that's a risk you take huh...

k

Kem that is true... loneliness plays a very big role in that... But it depends upon the person how lonely they want to be. These days many people life styles don't fit commitment and kids. And they don't want it to.

K

I think your absolutely right!!! :) But remember... that many young females as well as some old does not know the importance and sacredness of their body. I for one did not totally understand it myself until recently... and often one must be a believer to follow such a ritual, written in the book of scriptures. (It branches off into a lot other factors surround guided and misguided females) pref. NOT TO DISCUSS ;)

And one doesn't always need feelings to bring forth an attachment. But it really depends on the two who made the agreement and what they were expecting in the joining of each other.
I've seen casual partners who never got attached... One who got attached and the other didn't... One who didn't have a clue... and Ones that just die off.. (not literally) slowly depart from each other LOL... It all depends on the two and what needs they are looking to be satisfied at that time from the opposite sex...(or partner) I think thats what it really boils down to...

Our bodies are not designed for casual sex with multiple partners. Even if one does not get an std, cervical cancer is directly linked to either a woman having multiple partners or her mate having multiple partners. Let's take care of our bodies.

Let me just say that if I were to ever get a divorce, I probably will not marry again and would consider this sort of arrangement, especially if the divorce occured after my 40th birthday.

(Which is coming up)

I will not get remarried, and would, dare I say, go down as a fornicator in the eyes of Yahweh because I will be having sex with someone.

Maybe not all the time, maybe nothing so contrived, but I will have a sex partner.

Funny thing is that where I'm from, I don't see this happening much. I would probably have to lower my standards or move out of Ohio.

Plus, I just could not have sex with anyone. In my opinion, the higher quality the woman, the less likely she would be to sign onto that kinda deal so I would perhaps be outta luck UNLESS the person was married.

I had a woman once say her man worked too much and didn't giver her enough attention and she wanted to have sex a couple of times a month. I didn't do it, but my thing is what was she doing for the rest of the month if he was working, you know?

Anyhow.. this is an interesting topic.

When I was a single man, I just didn't have that kinda luck. Every girl I did it with wanted to be my girlfriend. It wasn't till I got married that females started talking about "messing around".

:rolleyes:

There is so much to comment to, in this thread. I'm going to do a little bit at a time, in different posts.

BTW, Hi. My name is Kim. This is my first day here. Seems to be cool, and filled with many different personalities. I look forward to conversing with some of you. My "original" e-fam resides at www.baduteria.proboards4.com.

"to me it seems like a selfish arrangement, not caring at all about the other person you are with, especially if it involves having sex with someone else as well as CSP whenever you feel like it"

If CSP arangements are consented to by both parties, who is there to be selfish to?.

Personally, I am in a relationship. But I do have many friends who are in similar situations, as those described. I feel much more comfortable with the fact that they are having sex with a "steady" person, rather than picking a guy/girl up from the club, when/if they want sex. I think that the fact that they are friends makes that situation a little more safe.

Looking from the othe end, wouldn't you consider it to be selfish if Nia was sexually attracted to Jeff, and rather than having an unsderstanding that their relationship was soley based upon sex; one was kept in a "committed relationship structure", while the other was there for sex only. That sounds selfish to me. Why lead someone on?

As for the comments towards AIDS, STDs, etc. , the fact of the matter is that those who don't protect themselves during sex...don't protect themselves during sex. That has nothing to do with the type of arrangement that they are in. Just common sense , that some ppl obviously don't have.

Girlchild..I agree, besides the moral, social, and ethical issues involved in this type of relationship, it is also a personal choice...multiple partners on any level does not appeal to me...but I can't judge others on what I believe in...although I do think this a situation that has no real benefits at all...

K

Goodyman...

out of all the types of casual relationships that people get involved with, the one you are talking about seems to be the safest....and I can understand why it would appeal to people in a situation such as you suggest, or to people who want the closeness of a relationship without all the trappings, commitment and responsibilities...I know of a few partnerships who have made this type of relationship not only work well for them, but also to last for years, but in the cases I know of, the two people are being faithful to each other..I guess it really comes down to personal choice and what type of relationship you want or need to have in your life at any given time....

K

Kim..first of all...Welcome..

the words you have quoted from me...were talking about people who have a steady csp but also feel free to also have other csp's whenever they feel like it...a one-sided affair, which is why I termed it selfish...let's say for instance Nia is Jeff's steady csp but she also feels free to have however many other csp's she likes, whenever she likes, and Jeff is just supposed to accept this arrangement...or is unaware of it....to me that is selfish...

as for the issue of std's and aids...as far as I'm aware condoms and other forms of "safe sex" are not 100% guaranteed to work..so whether you are blessed with common sense or not...you still need to consider the consequences of your actions....

you raised some good points here and it's good to have you on the board...

K

For me, casual sex is not an option as it doesn't fit with my personal values. However, I try not to pass moral judgment on other adults that do choose to engage in casual sex. As a parent, as I was raising my child, I passed on the same values that I believe in. Now that she is an adult, she has the right to choose how she shares her body. I am pleased however, that she has chosen to adopt and incorporate the same set of values into her life that she was raised with.

I know there are some people who have reckless and dangerous sex but I also have friends that have casual sex and do so responsibly by taking every precaution possible to avoid STD's. As far as the emotional aspect of these casual relationships, well, that is up to the people involved. We all have the same set of choices we can make. Between abstinance and casual sex, most of here might choose abstinance, but in reality we know not everyone will. So if someone chooses to have casual sex, I would prefer that they do so safely as opposed to reckless abandon.

Finally, I'm sure everyone realizes that just because one partner may be behaving monogamously in a relationship doesn't guarantee that their sexual partner (boy/girlfriend, casual friend or husband/wife) is doing the same. A growing number of Black women in monogamous relationships are still at risk for contracting HIV because their sexual partners are doing something sexually on the side. So whether casual or committed, we all need to be cognizant of the choices we are making.

Casual Sex Partners, or CSP's, goes back to the way back. It's just called by a different name. You take the Paganism and Hedonism orgy-type genre and limit it to just one unmarried, uncommitted couple engaging in intimacy, and what do you have? Looking at it morally it is not acceptable, but in todays society you can make anything sound legitmate,...like murder, but calling it self-preservation for example,...not a very GOOD example, but an example none the less.
Looking at it spiritually, everytime a man and woman engage in intercourse, it is the joining of two to become one, thereby forming a covenant. So if Pimp Daddy is having multiple partners, he's forming covenants with women, messing up the whole "the two shall be as one" spiritual thing. But people keep doing it and doing it, and wonder why there's so much drama and so many talk shows with high ratings making Springer/Ricki/Maury/Montel and Jenny Jones rich. Granted in A.D., kings were permitted to have more than one wife and concubines, but what made God angry was when the king were taking women who were forbidden because they worshipped idol gods. Then the man was to have but one wife-rule came into play, but you can't tell those one percent of polygamists in Utah who live on the edge of society that,....they'll laugh in your face while they feel like they can legitimately bed five women at the same time, and in that five you might have women who are sisters to each other or cousins.
I know I've gone off on a tangent, but it's all intertwined when it comes to being with someone for just casual sex. Feelings come into play whether either party wants to admit it or not. And did anyone on this thread mention any MARRIED partners in this discussion here? It takes two to tango, but the blame falls heavy on the men on this matter. I know counterparts who are heavy-deep into this thing so, that it's all gonna blow up in their face. It hasn't yet, but it will.

i agree with kitana, whole heart. i'm in a situation similar, where the guy has after a year finally been able to admit he cares for me alot. our realtionship has been exclusive far as i know, and we had agreed on this, however we are not "boyfriend and girlfriend and that is what i want, i am making a choice todayif he doesn't want to be serious, im out forever. no looking back casual sex is a bad idea. set boundaries. always.

On a primal level casual sex partners suit the need for physical release without the emotional attachment. This is convenient for individuals who want sexual gratification without emotional connection.

Now being an early twenty something I have been through this phase of my life when I wanted nothing more than the physical relations, because I did want to become attached to the person. I always looked at my intense sexual desires as a NEED, and not as a WANT. I think many people confuse the two. Just because the desire is intense does not mean you need it. Often people yearn for what they are lacking spiritually, and use sex as a subsitution for love and affection.

Honestly when I was out for the conquest of the flesh I was guarding my heart, trying to warrant against heartbreak, so I would not even become remotely attached to the object of my lust. In my mind I had defined a clear line of my physical and emotional desires. I did not want a commitment (or so I told myself), but at the same time I wanted closeness, and the sex. With this type of reasoning it lead me to have two or three lovers, each to meet a specific need or desire.

Many casual sex partners are bottom line about lust! It's sex on demand with one call. No hassles. No getting to know you. No wining & dining, or annoying small talk. No wait periods. Instant gratification! That is definitely the problem in American society, everyone is in search of satisfaction, at some pretty desperate measures. It is damaging to whirl from arm to arm, and bed to bed of different men and women. Sex then moves from a sacred union to a recreational activity, which it was never intended to be. Also many people do not realize spiritual connections called soul ties are forged with each individual you sleep with. So not only are you laying down with that person, but every person that person has lain with, and on and on. That is a vast intermingling of spirits, and then you wonder why you are crazy and driven after certain relationships with some people! That is dangerous and damaging physically, spiritually, and emotionally. The body is supposed to be a temple, and should be kept and maintained with high regard, not treated as damaged goods to be bartered about for free trade!

It takes great dedication and determination to disciplines one's body and mind not to engage in such wreckless behavior. You definitely have to examine the motives behind the behavior. There are deeper spiritual and emotional issues that you might need to deal with, as I found to be true with myself.

Sex can be a beautiful and deeply spiritual experience in the right situation. Your body and spirit is not to be used so freely by everyone as I have learned. I'm not saying its always easy to resist the urge to swing the way of a mouth watering brother, but I have to practice restraint and focus. Sometimes I barely make it, and sometimes I fail altogether, but in order to master my flesh I have to keep at it. No one is responsible for your actions, but you. So when the urge is so unbareable find positive activities to engage in: activism, meditation, prayer, family & friend gatherings, community work, music, art, and poetry----anything that is spiritually edifying and allows you to vent and channel your energy.

Legacy... in those times.. I found my Education, and employment - 2 jobs (making money) to substitute the need.. Keep me busy and focused on other things....

Kem... they only end strange if you allow them to end strange... Hopefully your lover was a friend... or close to it...
Otherwise... it should've been expected... their was nothing their in the first place other than a physical attraction...
Out of site... out of mind....

I am a youngster. I'm 19 and I think regardless of how old you are and how rauchy you can get at times. Is giving up such a precious part of your body worth it. I'm no virgin and trust me being in college and caring about the guy I m with make it even harder not to have sex but we don't. Women want to be equal like men, but when it comes down to it,we let a man enter our body and no matter if they are a boyfriend, friend or a casual sex partner, our emorions some how find it's way into the mix and we are always looking for love when it was never there to begin with. Is the stress really worth it. I say Celibacy free your mind. I think all these women that are saying yes I like and crave casual sex is say I'm afraid of really tristing a man because he may break my heart so I'll pretend I only want sex and may be he'll stay. I think they foolinh there self and that's why Aids and HIV is running so rapid through the African American womens community.

Peace and Blessings My Sistas

I have to admit,

I was in a relationship like that and it didn't last long at all.
Like you said feelings do get in the way which changes things a lot.

I also did't like the person I was turning into, It just didn't feel right being with someone in that way without loving them.

I have now commited to waiting for the right person before having sex with anyone else again.

One:heart:
:)

I think you would have to be pretty cold inside to even allow yourself to get involved in a csp relationship.
Someone is going to get hurt in the long run, women mostly because we are so emotional with our feminine makeup.
It seems like cheating to me, if you are just allowing someone to gratify themselves with your body with the idea that you are not worthy of their true self.
Cheating yourself from the act of true love, you cannot replace the joy of making love to someone you are inlove with.
To only replace it with empty banging coupled with dangers.

Our thinking is formed by the culture we live in. What is "promoted" as wrong or unacceptable in one culture, may not be perceived the same way in another.

Originally posted by miki99
Why so much anti-sexuality?
Too much lying, pain and dying about a simple physical act. Most of us have lied about, 1. what we did. 2. Who we did it with. 3 Who we wanted to do it with. 4 Was it good to you?
Does every human being, in every culture wrestle with these sexual problems? Is this love-sex struggle universal?
In most traditional African cultures there was acceptance of sexuality in and out of marriage and rites of sexual initiation and expression were almost universal.
Emotional support was provided members of the same sex/age groups and extended family. Love, or emotional attachment were communsal and not individual.
The Nigerian musician, Fela A. Kuti had 29 wives. Several of them were the happiest women I have met. Some were sad. Some run away. Most stay. They provide emotional support and guidance to each other. Fela is allowed to attend to other matters without worrying about spending quality time. One of them said she "has 28 wives too".
To BeChillin'
I hope you find some- or somone soon for the sake of your self (body) and soul (mind)

Do Black women in America have hang-ups about sex?

Do we base our sole opinion about sex on our religious beliefs or is something else contributing to our way of thinking?

Why do we describe certain sexual behavior as "casual"? The opposite is "serious". Does casual sex in the context of this thread mean "without love" and serious mean "with love"?

If what miki99 says is true about most African cultural beliefs when it comes to sex, then where did we learn our current beliefs?

Some will, some won't. Are the some that do wrong somehow?

Thumbs Up
I think sometimes
Naw I wont say that
Its nothing wrong with it

Wow, Brother Tantrum, as you can see, this is a very old thread. It just goes to show you, as much as things may change, some things remain the same.
Thank you for posting.

Peace,
Queenie :heart:

Wow, Brother Tantrum, as you can see, this is a very old thread. It just goes to show you, as much as things may change, some things remain the same.
Thank you for posting.

Peace,
Queenie :heart:

Yes sweetie I see this is old
I just feel if you are single
Just have fun-Life is short
You only live once sis
Much Love 2 You

I was seeing someone right after my divorce yrs and yrs ago.
We had great sex,conversation,we did music together, he rapped ,I sang, he cooked for me and I cooked for him.We went out and we drank and talked about alot of private issues, mostly he talked because I wasn't feeling him this way! Needless to say it lasted for 6yrs! He got so serious and I didn't, I never caught anything and neither did he.Neither one of us were the sleep around type! We still talk every now and then.He was my friend,companion and lover and if I decided to deal with someone else I would tell him and use protection with them but not him!
He was what I needed and wanted at the time.
I was in an abusive marriage and I wasn't feeling too good about me or men.
He gave me a sense of freedom from all the madness!
Boy did we have fun! He's married now, I'm happy for him.


Everybody you meet is not ready to commit or ready to marry you.
Get to know them, like them, love them , that's not having casual sex, that's a lover and a friend, that's what's wrong with relationships today, they want to marry and have a family before they truly know what they are commiting too!
Even if I try I can't have casual sex they always fall in love or like with me.

It might start that way but it never finishes that way for me!:flowers:

Even if I try I can't have casual sex they always fall in love or like with me.

Sister Heart :heart:,

I can relate to this statement. I don't know quite how to word this but, some women and "casual" sex are extremely incompatible. Some women have a quality about them, that makes them easy for men to love. Maybe it's their spiritual nature, I'm not quite sure, but they exude this aura that when men are permitted to experience their essence, they don't ever want to leave. These women tend to maintain "friendships" for life, which is why they can't have too many sexual partners.

MHO,
Queenie :heart:

What are your thoughts on the "trend" of young men and women today having casual sex partners...

To my understanding these are partners who are available exclusively to one another for sexual purposes only...they may be friends and see each other socially but do not consider themselves to be boyfriend/girlfriend..they have no obligation to be more than a partner on a sexual level only...or...some of them have a casual sex partner but also reserve the right to take home other partners if they are attracted to someone else, and their CSP is supposed to accept this as part of the deal..

I know a few girls who are doing this, and call me old fashioned but I don't understand the arrangement...I recently discussed this with my daughter, and we had differing opinions on the subject...I cannot see how a person can have casual sex with another person exclusively and not develop a feeling of attachment to that person, especially when the arrangement goes on for months, even a year or more.....

I have heard arguments that men have been doing it for years so why can't women...I beg to differ...from what I've seen, if a man does not want to be committed he will "play the field" and not stay with any girl for too long if he doesn't plan on a relationship...

to me it seems like a selfish arrangement, not caring at all about the other person you are with, especially if it involves having sex with someone else as well as CSP whenever you feel like it...for me it opens a whole can of worms....health issues, moral issues, self worth & self respect issues...


K

Kitana ... gosh ... i miss you Sister ... where are you?

:heart:

Destee

Sister Heart :heart:,

I can relate to this statement. I don't know quite how to word this but, some women and "casual" sex are extremely incompatible. Some women have a quality about them, that makes them easy for men to love. Maybe it's their spiritual nature, I'm not quite sure, but they exude this aura that when men are permitted to experience their essence, they don't ever want to leave. These women tend to maintain "friendships" for life, which is why they can't have too many sexual partners.

MHO,
Queenie :heart:

There are people sistah that come into your life and give you what they know you need and want.
Some will be out to play and some will stay!
I am only 30 but I know I'm not a whore or a one night stand because being with me and them being with me beauty inside outweighs the pleasures of the flesh!
I have dated the so called playas,gangsters,the sociably acceptable, the ones that are hard to love and nobody and I mean nobody is here to live and love alone! I have laid in the bed with men and never sexed them and they hold me tighter than a stocking on a womans flesh!
I am not the type of woman who is out for your gold, looks or popularity I am out to be beside you and guide you and if we are riding on the same wave it's inevitable that you'll ever forget us!
There is not one black man that I've encountered who doesn't know the content of my character and the intent of my heart!
I go deep sistah, beyond what they say and do, I look into his eyes and if he's real he looks into mine and you can't turn away from the truth!
We neglect to look any further than our own selfish wants and needs and this will keep us alone and in the dark forever!
If you want to know the answer to an unsolved mistery you'll seek and find reality and facts and know they were not born into the fashist(sp) world we live in, they adapted to be acceptable , forgetting the real you and the real me!The me and you that makes we possible!:love:

I can't get down with the CSP, it ain't right.
To allow some no name ***** in my triangular
prism and feel this magic, won't happen. I'm a
not a virgin, but I ain't a h@e. Just not poppin off like that.

I know people who do it ...but dag on it - the **** is just absurd to me.



Where have values & self worth gone? :flame:





I cringe every time i hear some say we can be friends with benefits. :fight: I feel like going HOMEY the Clown on them -- and bopping them over tha head and saying "ZAKIYA DON'T PLAY THAT" :getout:



:explode: :explode: :jam: :bam:


oh yeah and :happens: DONT just happens.



be bac after i calm down

I know people who do it ...but dag on it - the **** is just absurd to me.



Where have values & self worth gone? :flame:





I cringe every time i hear some say we can be friends with benefits. :fight: I feel like going HOMEY the Clown on them -- and bopping them over tha head and saying "ZAKIYA DON'T PLAY THAT" :getout:



:explode: :explode: :jam: :bam:


oh yeah and :happens: DONT just happens.



be bac after i calm down
I feel u on that.

Casual sex , it was a lot of that going on back in the day
but today age and time not lone women but men
shouldn't want casual sex anymore too much out
there to bite ya the rise of STD and HIV and all the
other stuff they fine .......
Women should value themselves
beyond casual sex and time we teach our children the value
point of life and to save their cookie those one nighters can
be a deadly night but kids under peer pressure or lack of known
fall into the mist of casual sex with different partners

I for one never like it , but if she not a virgin then you going
behind somebody, but to live in the temple of multi partners
is playing yourself into acts of bad deeds too many teens as
well alduts doing it right today.

These younger people some don't know or been taught
some like to venture with other partners for numbers of
reasons and some don't care
Understanding the values and worth of such gift is nothing
to toss around this become the break through for many kinds
of STD's and other virses , men need to be aware as well and
know that driving in every parking space is not good or make them
any better just a subject to break out

This casual sex not for me !

Their are many who don't mine sex partners without any strings
commitment or relationships no more then bed room fun and some
not aware of their partner other bedroom fun time else where
this why it's important to know your partner / mate or lover .......

Teaching kids now will save a lot later of being used / fooled into bed
or taken like a train running 100 MPH something to think about.

What are your thoughts on the "trend" of young men and women today having casual sex partners...

To my understanding these are partners who are available exclusively to one another for sexual purposes only...they may be friends and see each other socially but do not consider themselves to be boyfriend/girlfriend..they have no obligation to be more than a partner on a sexual level only...or...some of them have a casual sex partner but also reserve the right to take home other partners if they are attracted to someone else, and their CSP is supposed to accept this as part of the deal..

I know a few girls who are doing this, and call me old fashioned but I don't understand the arrangement...I recently discussed this with my daughter, and we had differing opinions on the subject...I cannot see how a person can have casual sex with another person exclusively and not develop a feeling of attachment to that person, especially when the arrangement goes on for months, even a year or more.....

I have heard arguments that men have been doing it for years so why can't women...I beg to differ...from what I've seen, if a man does not want to be committed he will "play the field" and not stay with any girl for too long if he doesn't plan on a relationship...

to me it seems like a selfish arrangement, not caring at all about the other person you are with, especially if it involves having sex with someone else as well as CSP whenever you feel like it...for me it opens a whole can of worms....health issues, moral issues, self worth & self respect issues...


K

It's the reason(s) why relationships and marriages in our community are so f**ked up today. Maybe we have become a bit too casual with sex. Leading to casual relationships. Everything is so casual that when baby comes along, brothers feel that they can casually skip out. And maybe rightly so.

:happens:

It's the reason(s) why relationships and marriages in our community are so f**ked up today. Maybe we have become a bit too casual with sex. Leading to casual relationships. Everything is so casual that when baby comes along, brothers feel that they can casually skip out. And maybe rightly so.

:happens:

I'm sure the baby wouldn't think it's 'rightly so.'

I'm sure the baby wouldn't think it's 'rightly so.'


The baby is never thought of in these situations. Isnt there enough empirical evidence out here in the world to show you that?!!?

The baby is never thought of in these situations. Isnt there enough empirical evidence out here in the world to show you that?!!?

Obviously the baby isn't thought of, but if the mother decides to have it after it's conceived both parents need to take responsibility, not just one. Otherwise, the child will grow up feeling empty and rejected, and in some cases doomed to repeat the same pattern.

It's the reason(s) why relationships and marriages in our community are so f**ked up today. Maybe we have become a bit too casual with sex. Leading to casual relationships. Everything is so casual that when baby comes along, brothers feel that they can casually skip out. And maybe rightly so.

:happens:

Than the brother should wear a rubber for both him and her so no mistakes will be made!

Obviously the baby isn't thought of, but if the mother decides to have it after it's conceived both parents need to take responsibility, not just one. Otherwise, the child will grow up feeling empty and rejected, and in some cases doomed to repeat the same pattern.


Well we'll see what the court rules. But for the record, if momma had thought of that, she would have gotten a commitment 1st.

Stupid is, as stupid does

Than the brother should wear a rubber for both him and her so no mistakes will be made!


:lol: No, the sister should have kept her clothes on and legs closed. In most cases, the brother isnt around afterwards.

One day, maybe yall will learn

:lol: No, the sister should have kept her clothes on and legs closed. In most cases, the brother isnt around afterwards.

One day, maybe yall will learn

Okay, let's cut to the chase here. Are you saying that a Sista should be married to a Black man before she has sex with him?

Okay, let's cut to the chase here. Are you saying that a Sista should be married to a Black man before she has sex with him?

Psst.... he's trying to excuse doggish behavior by shifting the responsibility to the other half. Old ways die hard.

The majority of people aren't going to wait for marriage to have sex and they shouldn't have to. People forget that not all of the broken homes and single parent households were caused by casual sex/ premarital sex. We have 55% of failed marriages to thank for a lot of that. Casual sex is a part of life and it will never change. Some people just don't want commitment. Some may say the man is responsible for wearing a rubber. Well, I feel that both parties should exercise some responsibility. With that being said, I also think the female is the one who has the most choices in this matter. She can choose not to have sex. She can choose whether she wants the baby or not. She can choose to use birth control or not. She can choose whether or not she wants to care for the child with or without the father's help. The man's only choice in the matter is not to have sex or wear a condom. So with so many choices, comes responsibility. We can say that both should do their part, but anyone who puts the responsibility on the man more than the woman is totally ignoring the fact that she has twice as many cards in her hand.

:lol: No, the sister should have kept her clothes on and legs closed. In most cases, the brother isnt around afterwards.

One day, maybe yall will learn

Well you should keep ya happy stick under control and your hormones in the closet.
Then maybe you wouldn't have fatherless black children and unwed black mothers working two jobs to support the half he wasn't mature enough to.
So maybe when you go home with a five dollar paycheck because child support took the rest,maybe you will learn!
I don't want to put the blame on either party but your outlook is one sided.
Maybe teenage men don't stick around afterward but two adults who are dealing and have consential sex will have sex again if it's more than just sex or some real good sex!
Smooches:smooch:

The majority of people aren't going to wait for marriage to have sex and they shouldn't have to. People forget that not all of the broken homes and single parent households were caused by casual sex/ premarital sex. We have 55% of failed marriages to thank for a lot of that. Casual sex is a part of life and it will never change. Some people just don't want commitment. Some may say the man is responsible for wearing a rubber. Well, I feel that both parties should exercise some responsibility. With that being said, I also think the female is the one who has the most choices in this matter. She can choose not to have sex. She can choose whether she wants the baby or not. She can choose to use birth control or not. She can choose whether or not she wants to care for the child with or without the father's help. The man's only choice in the matter is not to have sex or wear a condom. So with so many choices, comes responsibility. We can say that both should do their part, but anyone who puts the responsibility on the man more than the woman is totally ignoring the fact that she has twice as many cards in her hand.

I can agree with this!

The majority of people aren't going to wait for marriage to have sex and they shouldn't have to. People forget that not all of the broken homes and single parent households were caused by casual sex/ premarital sex. We have 55% of failed marriages to thank for a lot of that. Casual sex is a part of life and it will never change. Some people just don't want commitment. Some may say the man is responsible for wearing a rubber. Well, I feel that both parties should exercise some responsibility. With that being said, I also think the female is the one who has the most choices in this matter. She can choose not to have sex. She can choose whether she wants the baby or not. She can choose to use birth control or not. She can choose whether or not she wants to care for the child with or without the father's help. The man's only choice in the matter is not to have sex or wear a condom. So with so many choices, comes responsibility. We can say that both should do their part, but anyone who puts the responsibility on the man more than the woman is totally ignoring the fact that she has twice as many cards in her hand.

Kente, more and more men also are being jacked up for child support payments, so that's another choice he must consider: to have his paycheck garnished or not.

In thread after thread here, it seems that some men here want the women to take the lion's share or all of the responsibility for unplanned children.

Are y'all saying that the average man out there is just not capable of being responsible for his sexual behavior? I'd hate to think that. Or are y'all just trying to give the man an out? I'm just trying to get a better understanding of this.

Kente, more and more men also are being jacked up for child support payments, so that's another choice he must consider: to have his paycheck garnished or not.

In thread after thread here, it seems that some men here want the women to take the lion's share or all of the responsibility for unplanned children.

Are y'all saying that the average man out there is just not capable of being responsible for his sexual behavior? I'd hate to think that. Or are y'all just trying to give the man an out? I'm just trying to get a better understanding of this.


No, I'm not trying to give men an out. I didn't say that men are any less responsible for their actions than women. You read my post and interpreted it that way, simple because I said women have more options. I said both parties should be held responsible, but the fact is women can prevent an "unplanned pregnancy" more than a man can. She can prevent it before and after conception. A man does not have that luxury. There is no such thing as an "unplanned pregnancy" anyways. Once a woman gets pregnant and elects to have the child, regardless of financial and relationship stability, it's planned. Men don't have that option. Women are the ones that are given "outs", not men. She not only has power over what happens to the child in the event of pregnancy, she has power in what happens to that man also. Way too much power for the vast majority of women, yet women still want the man to take the bulk of the responsibility, even when it has to do with something that's going on inside her body (yet ironically, women will never allow men to have a part in the decision to have the child at all). Like I said in another thread, women love positioning themselves out of the way or responsibility, even when they have way more options. Women also have way more birth control options. There are more programs to assist women financially in the event of a child. The court systems cater to women. All these things are in place to empower women, yet women feel like it's the man's sole responsibility if they get pregnant? Men are no more and no less incapable of controling themselves than women are. Women still lay down and open their legs. They also elect to have the "unplanned" baby.

No, I'm not trying to give men an out. I didn't say that men are any less responsible for their actions than women. You read my post and interpreted it that way, simple because I said women have more options. I said both parties should be held responsible, but the fact is women can prevent an "unplanned pregnancy" more than a man can. She can prevent it before and after conception. A man does not have that luxury. There is no such thing as an "unplanned pregnancy" anyways. Once a woman gets pregnant and elects to have the child, regardless of financial and relationship stability, it's planned. Men don't have that option. Women are the ones that are given "outs", not men. She not only has power over what happens to the child in the event of pregnancy, she has power in what happens to that man also. Way too much power for the vast majority of women, yet women still want the man to take the bulk of the responsibility, even when it has to do with something that's going on inside her body (yet ironically, women will never allow men to have a part in the decision to have the child at all). Like I said in another thread, women love positioning themselves out of the way or responsibility, even when they have way more options. Women also have way more birth control options. There are more programs to assist women financially in the event of a child. The court systems cater to women. All these things are in place to empower women, yet women feel like it's the man's sole responsibility if they get pregnant? Men are no more and no less incapable of controling themselves than women are. Women still lay down and open their legs. They also elect to have the "unplanned" baby.

Kente, I would expect a man to take half of the responsibilty, not the bulk.

Both a man and a woman can prevent a pregnancy beforehand. Both can use contraceptives. For a woman to prevent having a baby after she becomes pregnant involves abortion, and some women consider that murder. So for some, that's not an option.

The reason I asked this question and the reason why many women keep arguing that it's only fair that the man assume his share of responsibility for children is because this is probably the most important issue addressed on this site.

The bottom-line question for many Black women these days is: How reproductive should I be, considering I will more than likely have to go it alone? Believe it or not the answer to this question affects how many Black babies will be born.

So I keep asking this question with the hope that the answer will change.

The bottom-line question for many Black women these days is: How reproductive should I be, considering I will more than likely have to go it alone? Believe it or not the answer to this question affects how many Black babies will be born.

So I keep asking this question with the hope that the answer will change.

Well, my answer to that question would be to make sure you're on birth control if you're having sex with a man that you don't want a child by. Plain and simple. Also, I have seen women claim they don't believe in abortion until they have that first kid and see the financial responsibility they have to endure. Also, they change their toon when they see that having a baby won't keep that man you're trying to trap around. Then that second pregnancy happens and they all of a sudden have no problem exercising that abortion option. Funny how that works. Women go at it alone because they choose to in many cases. Yeah, there are cases where men leave for no reason, but not all case...like most of us pretend it is. That question makes it seem like women have no part in getting pregnant by these men that have no intention on staying and taking care of their responsibility. Aso, there are times when men are willing to be there, but WOMEN do not want to be mothers or wives. They'd rather be clubbing and acting single w/ no kids. I've seen this a lot and I'm not even old. So, a woman's reproductive choices have nothing to do with that man, but it has to do with herself and her decision making. If she has herself together and knows what she wants and who she wants it with, then she'll know what kind of man to allow inside of her.

Kente, I would expect a man to take half of the responsibilty, not the bulk.

Both a man and a woman can prevent a pregnancy beforehand. Both can use contraceptives. For a woman to prevent having a baby after she becomes pregnant involves abortion, and some women consider that murder. So for some, that's not an option.

The reason I asked this question and the reason why many women keep arguing that it's only fair that the man assume his share of responsibility for children is because this is probably the most important issue addressed on this site.

The bottom-line question for many Black women these days is: How reproductive should I be, considering I will more than likely have to go it alone? Believe it or not the answer to this question affects how many Black babies will be born.

So I keep asking this question with the hope that the answer will change.

When it's all said and done we'll be the ones responsible whether he's there or not!
That's why I only have one baby and she'll be 10 this year!

When it's all said and done we'll be the ones responsible whether he's there or not!
That's why I only have one baby and she'll be 10 this year!

Gurl, I give Sistas like you bigtime credit for being able to go it alone. :terrific: I wouldn't be able to do it. I ain't that brave. LOL!!

If not for Sistas like you, our population could come to a screeching halt.

Gurl, I give Sistas like you bigtime credit for being able to go it alone. :terrific: I wouldn't be able to do it. I ain't that brave. LOL!!

If not for Sistas like you, our population could come to a screeching halt.

Thank you sistah Riada.
I appreciate that, sistahs like me don't hear that often.
The crazy part about is he was my husband not a one night stand or causal partner,boyfriend yet he has been the cruelest of them all!
Life's funny like that but I still had the last laugh!
Toast sistah gurl!

Thank you sistah Riada.
I appreciate that, sistahs like me don't hear that often.
The crazy part about is he was my husband not a one night stand or causal partner,boyfriend yet he has been the cruelest of them all!
Life's funny like that but I still had the last laugh!
Toast sistah gurl!


Sis. you’re very welcome. You don’t know how much I salute you.

I worked for years as a therapist out of a sliding scale counseling center that offered a slew of medical and psychological counseling and intervention services. My clients were mostly families and these families turned out to be working and middle-class women with children of all ages. I heard just about every reason for women to be raising children alone, but still there sat that woman and her child or children on one side of the table and me on the other side.

After hearing variations of the same story over and over, I began to try to find out WHY this happens and my search brought me to Destee’s. My time here on the message board has come to an end—end of month, end of money, end of search. I’ve seen enough of the puzzle.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to make a decision about my own life—marriage, children, and living happily ever after. Yeah, right!! I’ve twisted this situation around and looked at it from many angles. This has been a struggle, but I’ve decided I won’t take the chance of ending up like my clients. As I said to Kente, I kept hoping the answer would change, but from all the forecasts, it won’t change in time for women like me.

My partner is wonderful now, but will he be there for me and the children for the duration? He may turn out to be a “Mookie.” LOL!! Will I end up at somebody’s counseling center when I’ve discovered I can’t go it alone. In the final analysis, I’m no different from the women I counseled, so why wouldn’t what happened to them happen to me. I’m a big risk taker, but I won’t do it with my children’s lives.

So I will indulge myself, travel, meet lots of interesting people, do volunteer work, and continue to help to raise my nephews. That will have to be enough.

It’s been nice knowing you. You’re a very warm and loving person. Your daughter is fortunate to have you for a mom. Take care.

Sis. you’re very welcome. You don’t know how much I salute you.

I worked for years as a therapist out of a sliding scale counseling center that offered a slew of medical and psychological counseling and intervention services. My clients were mostly families and these families turned out to be working and middle-class women with children of all ages. I heard just about every reason for women to be raising children alone, but still there sat that woman and her child or children on one side of the table and me on the other side.

After hearing variations of the same story over and over, I began to try to find out WHY this happens and my search brought me to Destee’s. My time here on the message board has come to an end—end of month, end of money, end of search. I’ve seen enough of the puzzle.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to make a decision about my own life—marriage, children, and living happily ever after. Yeah, right!! I’ve twisted this situation around and looked at it from many angles. This has been a struggle, but I’ve decided I won’t take the chance of ending up like my clients. As I said to Kente, I kept hoping the answer would change, but from all the forecasts, it won’t change in time for women like me.

My partner is wonderful now, but will he be there for me and the children for the duration? He may turn out to be a “Mookie.” LOL!! Will I end up at somebody’s counseling center when I’ve discovered I can’t go it alone. In the final analysis, I’m no different from the women I counseled, so why wouldn’t what happened to them happen to me. I’m a big risk taker, but I won’t do it with my children’s lives.

So I will indulge myself, travel, meet lots of interesting people, do volunteer work, and continue to help to raise my nephews. That will have to be enough.

It’s been nice knowing you. You’re a very warm and loving person. Your daughter is fortunate to have you for a mom. Take care.
this statement makes no sense at all.
if you have a suitable partner who is agreeable you should move forward with him.
you need to seek therapy by yourself or with your partner to resolve these issues.

I think society has preached enough to women about their choices and responsibilities. No one is saying women shouldn't be responsible... we're just tired of being blamed 100% of the time for broken families.

And as far as abortion, adoption, etc. these are options black women are considering. Most of the kids in foster care are black, and an alarming number of black women are also getting abortions (someone had even posted a thread about it one time). Granted, I'm pro-choice, but I still view abortion as I would any other surgical procedure... it should be not be viewed as a woman's first option.

Anyway, a man that has sex without a condomn not only increases his risk of getting a woman pregnant, but also getting HIV. Even if he abandons the baby, he can't abandon a STD, if he gets it. Men should be taught that a moment of pleasure isn't worth it by their mothers, fathers and society just like women are. I know I will preach to my sons as much as I would any daughter I might have.

this statement makes no sense at all.
if you have a suitable partner who is agreeable you should move forward with him.
you need to seek therapy by yourself or with your partner to resolve these issues.

I don't think she's talking literally.

I interpreted it to mean that any woman could have her relationship fail, even if she does everything 'right' and the man seems 'right.'

Sis. you’re very welcome. You don’t know how much I salute you.

I worked for years as a therapist out of a sliding scale counseling center that offered a slew of medical and psychological counseling and intervention services. My clients were mostly families and these families turned out to be working and middle-class women with children of all ages. I heard just about every reason for women to be raising children alone, but still there sat that woman and her child or children on one side of the table and me on the other side.

After hearing variations of the same story over and over, I began to try to find out WHY this happens and my search brought me to Destee’s. My time here on the message board has come to an end—end of month, end of money, end of search. I’ve seen enough of the puzzle.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to make a decision about my own life—marriage, children, and living happily ever after. Yeah, right!! I’ve twisted this situation around and looked at it from many angles. This has been a struggle, but I’ve decided I won’t take the chance of ending up like my clients. As I said to Kente, I kept hoping the answer would change, but from all the forecasts, it won’t change in time for women like me.

My partner is wonderful now, but will he be there for me and the children for the duration? He may turn out to be a “Mookie.” LOL!! Will I end up at somebody’s counseling center when I’ve discovered I can’t go it alone. In the final analysis, I’m no different from the women I counseled, so why wouldn’t what happened to them happen to me. I’m a big risk taker, but I won’t do it with my children’s lives.

So I will indulge myself, travel, meet lots of interesting people, do volunteer work, and continue to help to raise my nephews. That will have to be enough.

It’s been nice knowing you. You’re a very warm and loving person. Your daughter is fortunate to have you for a mom. Take care.

Thank you Riada:flowers:
Don't be afraid to move forward because of the women you've counceled.
That doesn't mean it will happen to you.
There are very good hardworking single black men who are waiting on a good strong women as yourself to marry and start a family with.
If he turns out to be a mookie LOL that's not your fault.Or you could turn into a laquisha and say uh uh mookie get ya chit together right mf'n now!
Make sure you are ready alone as well as with your partner to make it official.
I see too many women rush into marriage,pregnancy without knowledge of self.
Then again my girlfriend got her a good husband from casual sex go figure:rolleyes:
He is a little older,works hard,they have a house,two cars,one child and they vacation alot.He really takes care of home!
If you have a winner go all the way!:flowers:

I don't think she's talking literally.

I interpreted it to mean that any woman could have her relationship fail, even if she does everything 'right' and the man seems 'right.'

James just wants to be difficult!
It's too early to be so surly(sp)
Get you a gallon of french vanilla coffee:eek: :haha:

Okay, let's cut to the chase here. Are you saying that a Sista should be married to a Black man before she has sex with him?


Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. That's what sisters use to do and the family was a lot more stable.

Psst.... he's trying to excuse doggish behavior by shifting the responsibility to the other half. Old ways die hard.


1. I believe I am the one that defined Mookie for the loser he is

2. I think there is no excuse for both versions of dogs

Well you should keep ya happy stick under control and your hormones in the closet.Uh, closing the legs will solve the happy stick issue, wont it?
Then maybe you wouldn't have fatherless black children and unwed black mothers working two jobs to support the half he wasn't mature enough to.Too many sisters have chosen to brong the children into the world without a proper family. It is your choice by law!
So maybe when you go home with a five dollar paycheck because child support took the rest,maybe you will learn!Two thirds of the sisters out here in the situation, receive NO child support from the Mookie they had unprotected sex with
I don't want to put the blame on either party but your outlook is one sided.No, my outlook is on point
Maybe teenage men don't stick around afterward but two adults who are dealing and have consential sex will have sex again if it's more than just sex or some real good sex!Teenagers arent MEN!
Smooches:smooch:


I think we have just identified what the real problem is

Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. That's what sisters use to do and the family was a lot more stable.

But that's not reality!
Furthermore women were 15 and 16 having sex and getting married having 9-10 babies when now they label you as a big ole **** when you do it now.
Men were hardworking and dependable and alot more mature..
Family men instead of let's roll the dice and see how much ***** I can get until my willy falls off!
Sisters use to do when brothers use to do remember that!
My grandmother never worked a day in her life when she met my grandfather.
Of couse she was only 16 and he was 40.
She kept the house clean and raised the kids and he provided.
You don't see that too often on both parties.

I think we have just identified what the real problem is

And what is that?
You fail to see the neglect on both parties!
If women are the sole issue maybe it's because she has been dealing with jestures instead of kings.
It's ok for a man to screw 30 women but oh no that same man wants to marry a good clean girl!
Ha! what a joke!

I think we have just identified what the real problem is

Your qoutations are really sexest!
At least I admit to some issues we as women are facing but you seem to think we are the issue here alone!
It takes two to tangle!

But that's not reality!It quite literaly was reality at one time
Furthermore women were 15 and 16 having sex and getting married having 9-10 babies when now they label you as a big ole **** when you do it now.Dear, this hasnt been that long ago. Try the 70s and 80s
Men were hardworking and dependable and alot more mature..They still are. Accept those that come from oow households. The prisons are full of them
Family men instead of let's roll the dice and see how much ***** I can get until my willy falls off! Men have always rolled the dice. Sisters said no!
Sisters use to do when brothers use to do remember that!No
My grandmother never worked a day in her life when she met my grandfather.
Of couse she was only 16 and he was 40.Every woman in my family worked. They followed Proverbs 31. Most of the women in my hood worked as well
She kept the house clean and raised the kids and he provided.
You don't see that too often on both parties.


That depends on which neighborhood you live in. But it's becoming increasingly rare. When sisters go back to doing what they us to do, brothers will go back to singing 'My Girl', instead of 'Back That Thang Up!!'

That depends on which neighborhood you live in. But it's becoming increasingly rare. When sisters go back to doing what they us to do, brothers will go back to singing 'My Girl', instead of 'Back That Thang Up!!'

:wine: I agree with the last part!
That's what I was trying to say!
I think you like debating with me!:devil:

And what is that?That many of yall think a teen male is a man
You fail to see the neglect on both parties!I dont fail at all. I'm not absolving the one that made the choice to bring to term
If women are the sole issue maybe it's because she has been dealing with jestures instead of kings.Please explain why any self respecting woman, in the day of AIDS and incurable std.s would allow a jester into her, unprotected, in the most intimate way possible?????
It's ok for a man to screw 30 women but oh no that same man wants to marry a good clean girl!Its only ok because 30 skanks continue to allow it to happen. Over and over and over and over...
Ha! what a joke!


Now please answer my question

Your qoutations are really sexest!:lol: You are infinitly more sexist than I
At least I admit to some issues we as women are facing but you seem to think we are the issue here alone!YOU have NEVER admitted any such thing!!!!
It takes two to tangle!

You keep ignoring the law, I notice. Why?
Yall want a guarentee. Life doesnt come with that.

SAY NO TO MOOKIE!!!!!!!!

Kemestry, I'm telling you right now, after this, I don't want to read anything else about Mookie. In fact, Mookie is banned from the community. Now go give him a decent burial and let him die in peace. :spank:

Sister Heart....girl you have me laughing. Did you really mean when you wrote: "It takes two to tangle? I'm laughing because I've heard it put a different way....but the way you wrote it works too. :lol:

Queenie :spinstar:

You keep ignoring the law, I notice. Why?
Yall want a guarentee. Life doesnt come with that.

SAY NO TO MOOKIE!!!!!!!!

SAY NO TO SKEEZERS MOOKIE!:jumping:
AND FOR THE RECORD STD'S ARE PREVALENT IN SUPPOSE TO BE MONOGAMUS RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGES.
LOOK AT TERRY MCMILLIAN!
STOP ROLLING THE DICE SO SKEEZERS WONT HAVE TO GAMBLE WITH YOUR GAME PLAYING AND PIPE LAYING!

Kemestry, I'm telling you right now, after this, I don't want to read anything else about Mookie. In fact, Mookie is banned from the community. Now go give him a decent burial and let him die in peace. :spank:

Sister Heart....girl you have me laughing. Did you really mean when you wrote: "It takes two to tangle? I'm laughing because I've heard it put a different way....but the way you wrote it works too. :lol:

Queenie :spinstar:
Girl sometimes you have to show these men who really run the show!:coffee:

Kemestry, I'm telling you right now, after this, I don't want to read anything else about Mookie. In fact, Mookie is banned from the community. Now go give him a decent burial and let him die in peace. :spank:

Sister Heart....girl you have me laughing. Did you really mean when you wrote: "It takes two to tangle? I'm laughing because I've heard it put a different way....but the way you wrote it works too. :lol:

Queenie :spinstar:

When yall bury Mookie, I will

:explode:

SAY NO TO SKEEZERS MOOKIE!:jumping:
AND FOR THE RECORD STD'S ARE PREVALENT IN SUPPOSE TO BE MONOGAMUS RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGES.
LOOK AT TERRY MCMILLIAN!
STOP ROLLING THE DICE SO SKEEZERS WONT HAVE TO GAMBLE WITH YOUR GAME PLAYING AND PIPE LAYING!


You still didnt answer my question. Cant can you

SAY NO TO MOOKIE!!!!

Kemestry, I'm telling you right now, after this, I don't want to read anything else about Mookie. In fact, Mookie is banned from the community. Now go give him a decent burial and let him die in peace. :spank:

Sister Heart....girl you have me laughing. Did you really mean when you wrote: "It takes two to tangle? I'm laughing because I've heard it put a different way....but the way you wrote it works too. :lol:

Queenie :spinstar:


And I left the womens thread, geez!

.o0( Wondering who the Mookie is in your life )

And I left the womens thread, geez!

.o0( Wondering who the Mookie is in your life )

Keme, it's really starting to make me wonder why you seem obsessed with Mookie and the attention only YOU claim he gets from women. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you are jealous of this fictitious character.

Don't you know any positive brothers and sisters who are contributing something of value to the Black community and if you do, is it too much to ask you to share more of that information with us than about this alter-ego?

Other moderators including myself, are constantly looking to you to help set the tone in these discussion by being more positive and solution-oriented. We're still waiting and remain hopeful. Please.....help us Keme, to build the community by not constantly DWELLING on all the things that you think women do that may be harmful to the community. Can you please try to work with us here?

Thanks in advance.

Queenie :spinstar:

And I left the womens thread, geez!

.o0( Wondering who the Mookie is in your life )

YOU!
Let me ask you something!
Tell me what a real man is in your eyes since you are quick to label brothers you don't know as mookie?
Every brother has his perfections and imperfections, you are not the king of judgement when it comes to men just because you are a man!

Keme, it's really starting to make me wonder why you seem obsessed with Mookie and the attention only YOU claim he gets from women. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you are jealous of this fictitious character.

Don't you know any positive brothers and sisters who are contributing something of value to the Black community and if you do, is it too much to ask you to share more of that information with us than about this alter-ego?

Other moderators including myself, are constantly looking to you to help set the tone in these discussion by being more positive and solution-oriented. We're still waiting and remain hopeful. Please.....help us Keme, to build the community by not constantly DWELLING on all the things that you think women do that may be harmful to the community. Can you please try to work with us here?

Thanks in advance.

Queenie :spinstar:

If I didn't know he was a man he sounds like a bitter woman!:getout:

If I didn't know he was a man he sounds like a bitter woman!:getout:

So young, yet so wise!

Queenie ;)

I interpreted it to mean that any woman could have her relationship fail, even if she does everything 'right' and the man seems 'right.'
yes, and so what? i could get hit by a bus, that doesn't stop me from crossing the street.
there are many bad things that can happen, so what!

So young, yet so wise!

Queenie ;)


You cant even admit your ex is a Mookie and you wanna call me bitter?????

You cant even admit your ex is a Mookie and you wanna call me bitter?????
are you, like deaf? sisters ask you to lay off and you keep barreling along like you don't hear.
the more you talk, the more it seem like you are what you be calling others.
chill means chill man.
what's up?

are you, like deaf? sisters ask you to lay off and you keep barreling along like you don't hear.
the more you talk, the more it seem like you are what you be calling others.
chill means chill man.
what's up?


I'm not deaf at all. But I'm not into pandering like some are.

I'm not deaf at all. But I'm not into pandering like some are.
when a moderator speaks to you it is time for you to listen up.
that is not pandering, that is respecting the rules of this house.

You cant even admit your ex is a Mookie and you wanna call me bitter?????

Keme...I think you have me mixed up with someone else when you wrote this BUT I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and pretend you meant this for me and respond.

The only mookiness about my ex was that he was a Kappa, same as you.

Nuf said.

Peace,
Queenie :spinstar:

Keme...I think you have me mixed up with someone else when you wrote this BUT I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and pretend you meant this for me and respond.

The only mookiness about my ex was that he was a Kappa, same as you.

Nuf said.

Peace,
Queenie :spinstar:

Whoa, you're a Kappa, man?? Not cool at all. But whatever.

Keme...I think you have me mixed up with someone else when you wrote this BUT I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and pretend you meant this for me and respond.

The only mookiness about my ex was that he was a Kappa, same as you.

Nuf said.

Peace,
Queenie :spinstar:


You know you like KAPPAs. I'll bet you're even out tonight with them. They are up there this weekend

Yes, this was meant for someone else, sorry :D

when a moderator speaks to you it is time for you to listen up.
that is not pandering, that is respecting the rules of this house.


Now I'm beginning to understand why you were involved in the drama with the other guy.

You are the one making this personal. You cant seem to have a disagreement without doing that.

I also notice, when facts are presented, you have a problem with that as well.

Why?

Whoa, you're a Kappa, man?? Not cool at all. But whatever.


Uh, what you got against frats? Or is it just one in particular?

Now I'm beginning to understand why you were involved in the drama with the other guy.

You are the one making this personal. You cant seem to have a disagreement without doing that.

I also notice, when facts are presented, you have a problem with that as well.

Why?
i am simply calling on you to show some respect for the house and all that entails.
a man who actually was as intelligent as you pretend to be would not have such difficulty with that concept.

That depends on which neighborhood you live in. But it's becoming increasingly rare. When sisters go back to doing what they us to do, brothers will go back to singing 'My Girl', instead of 'Back That Thang Up!!'



"When sisters go back to doing what they us to do, brothers will go back to singing 'My Girl', instead of 'Back That Thang Up!!'[/B][/QUOTE]"


Ahhhh the power invested in US. There were plenty of good wholesome women around when "Back That Thang UP" was released!

Next........

:explode:

When yall bury Mookie, I will

:explode:

Then rest in peace My dear Brother Kem.........:crying:

LOL

"When sisters go back to doing what they us to do, brothers will go back to singing 'My Girl', instead of 'Back That Thang Up!!'[/B]"


Ahhhh the power invested in US. There were plenty of good wholesome women around when "Back That Thang UP" was released!

Next........

:explode:[/QUOTE]


Btw, the Mookie thread is up. Some very intersting responses thus far

i am simply calling on you to show some respect for the house and all that entails.
a man who actually was as intelligent as you pretend to be would not have such difficulty with that concept.


I did and do respect. Even if some dont like the response. Should I take everything that another says as disrespectful, simply because I dont agree with it??? In a public forum, people can simply skip the commentary. They dont, because it strikes a nerve. Unless you are willing to explore why, there is no point to even having a discussion

Then rest in peace My dear Brother Kem.........:crying:

LOL


You know you still have a thang for your Mookie. :pie: :smooch: :skillet: :bam: :fight:

But how long do we need to keep wallowing in a perpetual cycle of dysfunctional BS? You take a crap then drop and roll in it. Some people recognize stink and learn to move on to fresh territory. You seem to want to take up residence in it and invite people over to visit. Not a good thing, Brother. Just .....let.....it......go! (No pun intended of course) :explode:

Queenie :spinstar:

You know you still have a thang for your Mookie. :pie: :smooch: :skillet: :bam: :fight:

Have you sought therapy for your condition? There are thousands of threads here for you to contribute to....deep, thought-provoking discussions are happening all around you, yet you seem to remain stuck in your padded cell mumbling and drooling about this mookie of yours. It's sad.

Queenie :spinstar:

But how long do we need to keep wallowing in a perpetual cycle of dysfunctional BS? You take a crap then drop and roll in it. Some people recognize stink and learn to move on to fresh territory. You seem to want to take up residence in it and invite people over to visit. Not a good thing, Brother. Just .....let.....it......go! (No pun intended of course) :explode:

Queenie :spinstar:


Quit stalking me.....geez!

I'll let it go, when yall let him go

Casual sex IS Mookism. And you know it!

You cant even admit your ex is a Mookie and you wanna call me bitter?????

This was meant for me.
Borther kemetstry I'm going to break it down the only way I think you'll be able to comprehend.
First, who are you angry with?
The brothers you state who are mookies or the women that label you as so.
You donot know my ex-husband,yes he made mistakes as we all have in our lives but he was a good black man just not good for me!
You don't have to agree with me but godammit you're going to respect me.
You have not lived my life, If I love someone I will walk through fire and swim through sharks for them.
Me this woman,this strong black woman has challenged many endeavors in life!
I have been loved,beaten mentally and physically,laughed many days and cried many nights so whatever you have to say about me or anyone else I have loved rolls right off my back like shower water.
Stop degrading black men you know nothing about based on your assumptions and ignorance.
You want to feel like you are the only black man that's not a mookie than so be it!
But while you are alive and living in this imperfect world you are not without imperfections!
Look inside yourself and concentrate on your reflection in the mirror and the truth that lies inside of your heart will be revealed.

This was meant for me.
Borther kemetstry I'm going to break it down the only way I think you'll be able to comprehend.
First, who are you angry with?All of you who are hell bent on having men take responsibility for their acts while validating things like casual sex. Doesnt this seem a little contradictory?

The brothers you state who are mookies or the women that label you as so.Both are a detriment to the community. Both are denial

You donot know my ex-husband,yes he made mistakes as we all have in our lives but he was a good black man just not good for me!Then dont dog him about what he did. And you are in denial, which is what I'm talking about. If he did as you outlined, there is no way around it.

You don't have to agree with me but godammit you're going to respect me.I have always respected, even when disagreeing. You have a tendency however, of taking any negative comments about anything in a skirt, as an attack on all women. You also take pointing out the obvious, especially if you have done it yourself, as a personal attack. Neither are true

You have not lived my life, If I love someone I will walk through fire and swim through sharks for them.
Me this woman,this strong black woman has challenged many endeavors in life!I can hear Helen Reddy singing in the background
I have been loved,beaten mentally and physically,laughed many days and cried many nights so whatever you have to say about me or anyone else I have loved rolls right off my back like shower water.
Stop degrading black men you know nothing about based on your assumptions and ignorance.I only talk about what you havbe told me, and you're proving my point

You want to feel like you are the only black man that's not a mookie than so be it!Please, outline when I have ever stated this?

But while you are alive and living in this imperfect world you are not without imperfections!Common decency is NOT perfection. You have something wrong with aspiring to a better nature?????

Look inside yourself and concentrate on your reflection in the mirror and the truth that lies inside of your heart will be revealed.


I reflect all the time. Thats one of the reasons I can talk as I do. I dont make these statements in a vacuum. I listen to people from all races, creeds, colors, religions and genders. I also am a student of history. I embrace my faults and correct them immediately! That isnt perfection, its just common sense

I reflect all the time. Thats one of the reasons I can talk as I do. I dont make these statements in a vacuum. I listen to people from all races, creeds, colors, religions and genders. I also am a student of history. I embrace my faults and correct them immediately! That isnt perfection, its just common sense

So although, we donot agree, you respect my experiences as well as my opinions?
That is all I ask for as me being your sistah for life as you being my brother beyond limitations.
Understand Kemetstry, although I donot know you personally, I have known you my entire life and we,me and you are not beyond correction or perfection, we are seeking life as it seeks to find us in every way!
Understand as you understand I am not asking your permission but for your understanding as I am learning yours through your eyes and demise as well as you are interpetiting mine!
MUCH LUV TO YOU FOR THE SUN CANNOT RISE AND FALL WITHOUT THE EYES TO TELL SO!:flowers: :flowers: :ilu: I LUV U BROTHER:ilu:

What are your thoughts on the "trend" of young men and women today having casual sex partners...

To my understanding these are partners who are available exclusively to one another for sexual purposes only...they may be friends and see each other socially but do not consider themselves to be boyfriend/girlfriend..they have no obligation to be more than a partner on a sexual level only...or...some of them have a casual sex partner but also reserve the right to take home other partners if they are attracted to someone else, and their CSP is supposed to accept this as part of the deal..

I know a few girls who are doing this, and call me old fashioned but I don't understand the arrangement...I recently discussed this with my daughter, and we had differing opinions on the subject...I cannot see how a person can have casual sex with another person exclusively and not develop a feeling of attachment to that person, especially when the arrangement goes on for months, even a year or more.....

I have heard arguments that men have been doing it for years so why can't women...I beg to differ...from what I've seen, if a man does not want to be committed he will "play the field" and not stay with any girl for too long if he doesn't plan on a relationship...

to me it seems like a selfish arrangement, not caring at all about the other person you are with, especially if it involves having sex with someone else as well as CSP whenever you feel like it...for me it opens a whole can of worms....health issues, moral issues, self worth & self respect issues...


K

The above quote is the post that started this thread four years ago. There have been many responses since then, including my own I believe, and the thread continues to thrive to this day because so many people have varied opinions on the topic.

I'd like to ask a question, though, without having to read every single post. If answers have already been given, then please forgive my laziness but indulge me anyway.

Based on how you (the reader) feels about "casual" sex, where do your opinions about it stem from? For example, are they rooted in your religion, social/cultural views, etc.? Are your opinions judgmental relative to how you think about people who engage in "casual" sex? Why do you think it's "wrong" or "right" to have "casual" sexual relationships?

Just a few simple questions....

Queenie :spinstar:

So although, we donot agree, you respect my experiences as well as my opinions?
That is all I ask for as me being your sistah for life as you being my brother beyond limitations.
Understand Kemetstry, although I donot know you personally, I have known you my entire life and we,me and you are not beyond correction or perfection, we are seeking life as it seeks to find us in every way!
Understand as you understand I am not asking your permission but for your understanding as I am learning yours through your eyes and demise as well as you are interpetiting mine!
MUCH LUV TO YOU FOR THE SUN CANNOT RISE AND FALL WITHOUT THE EYES TO TELL SO!:flowers: :flowers: :ilu: I LUV U BROTHER:ilu:


If I didnt respect you, we wouldnt be having this or any other discussion. I dont suffer idiots well.
I'lll respect you in the morning too :lol:

You know you still have a thang for your Mookie. :pie: :smooch: :skillet: :bam: :fight:

Yeah, got nuthin; but love for ya Bruh:coffee:

Yeah, got nuthin; but love for ya Bruh:coffee:


Wha??????????????????????????????????

Did I say something that wasnt true?


:bullseye:

Wha??????????????????????????????????

Did I say something that wasnt true?


:bullseye:


NO.....:tennis:

The above quote is the post that started this thread four years ago. There have been many responses since then, including my own I believe, and the thread continues to thrive to this day because so many people have varied opinions on the topic.

I'd like to ask a question, though, without having to read every single post. If answers have already been given, then please forgive my laziness but indulge me anyway.

Based on how you (the reader) feels about "casual" sex, where do your opinions about it stem from? For example, are they rooted in your religion, social/cultural views, etc.? Are your opinions judgmental relative to how you think about people who engage in "casual" sex? Why do you think it's "wrong" or "right" to have "casual" sexual relationships?

Just a few simple questions....

Queenie :spinstar:

I'm single now. Formerly married. My thoughts are people are going to have "casual sex" irregardless of my opinions, right or wrong. Therefore I don't really stress it. I think this has always occured during history. I think my opinions are based on the fact that I can't stop any individual from casual or any type of sex, whether I agree with it or not. So I don't really get stress over it. I tend to stay out of people's bedrooms or behind their closed doors.

I have in the past engaged in "casual" sex...and I wont say that I will "never" again do it, but as a choice, just for today, I choose not to. Not based on any religious or philosophical ideology, but just based on the fact that I know, for me, it's just not psychologically healthy. I think I'm at the age where I need more from a woman, not just her body, but her unique perspective on things I may not see as a man. I may need her just for comfort purposes, just to be around. It feels good.

I tend to think we need each other, in commitment. That is where I have found the most joy with a woman. Just the solid feeling of comradeship. Some one to go to war with, to walk thru those tough times with. Someone who is around to laugh with, or cry with. I've never found that in "casual" sex, so I tend to stay away from it.

What I have found is that somewhere these CSP relationships get a bit messy. My aunt used to say "when 2 people lay down, one gets up with feelings"...and I found that to be true in some instances. One of the partners, after several sexual encounters, wants to take it beyond the "CSP" game and really hook up. In the past sometimes it was me, sometimes her. That's when it gets messy. But I've also heard of marriages coming out of the CSP relationship, so I guess it's all good.

It's just not me at this time. I love too deeply. And I found out that the best sex, is committed sex. On a wholistic level, that works best for me.

Most, if not all, the sexual problems expressed on this board are problems that only occur with casual partners.

We are not likely to establish long term relationships with someone who can meet none of our needs and is unwilling to adjust. So when we are with someone we love and care about we can teach them, show them what pleases us.

You can't do that with a casual partner. They're either good or they're not. If they're not good to you they're be good to someone else so don't complain.

The above quote is the post that started this thread four years ago. There have been many responses since then, including my own I believe, and the thread continues to thrive to this day because so many people have varied opinions on the topic.

I'd like to ask a question, though, without having to read every single post. If answers have already been given, then please forgive my laziness but indulge me anyway.

Based on how you (the reader) feels about "casual" sex, where do your opinions about it stem from? For example, are they rooted in your religion, social/cultural views, etc.? Are your opinions judgmental relative to how you think about people who engage in "casual" sex? Why do you think it's "wrong" or "right" to have "casual" sexual relationships?

Just a few simple questions....

Queenie :spinstar:
Those are interesting questions, Queenie,

Religion just basicall makes people feel guilty for doing things but doesn't really give them the power not to do them. Some people have power naturally and will accredit it to some religion but there really is no difference. So I can't really look at religion.

But it's more about how I feel about my body and the way it is to be treated. I just don't feel comfortable with the thought of a man who wants nothing else from me using my body to relieve himself as if the entrance to my womb were a toilet.

Freeing myself from religious dogma did not free me to live just any old kinda way as if the immediate pleasures of my material body can be indulged with no spiritual consequences. We cannot suppress the spirit to the point of not caring about anything but getting laid and expect our spirits to be strong and support us when we come to a crossroads.

Judging others? well it depends on what is meant by judgement. If judging means I will give someone the cold shoulder. Then no I do not judge. If judgement means recognizing that the same spiritual laws apply to all of us humans whether we believe in them or not, then yes I judge. If judging means not joining someone in demeaning behavior just so they will feel better, then yes I judge.

People are gonna CSP regardless of my view or judgement on their behavoir. I just dont take a "black/white" viewpoint on it...there could be reasons unknown to me why they do it, possibly stemming from childhood or whatever.

but there are some long-term CSP relationships that I know of, that has been going on for years. I dont think these people want total commitment, I guess they just like how each others bodies feel...there must be something there, but they are just not willing to commit to each other on the deeper level you are talking about.

everyone has their reasons for being in a CSP, either it be just spontaneous sex, or just to combat loneliness or just plain sexual attraction to a certain body type.

As I said, at this time, it's just not me.

abstract... unconsciously i think you made a very good point. Long term CSPs involve a commitment. It may not be a total commitment;however it is there nonetheless. it is impossible to give yourself to a person over a regular or semi-regular basis and not fell anything. regardless of whether these long term CSPs realize it or not they are in a some form of a relationship. there is a connection there. if there wasn't then that person would move on to another individual within the first few weeks.

it may be a personality flaw however i'm unable to partially give myself to someone at the same time fully giving myself to someone. i'm just not built like that... or at least i think so.

NO.....:tennis:

Why dont yall just go and shoot your Mookies and get on with life?

We basically talkin about booty calls here arent we..?well,i thought they worked out until someone caught feelings...and i realized that i couldn t do em like that...so now i stay away from being a CSP...
lol