what is the age gap u feel is o'kay in a relationship
i've found that most females seek a older man !
yet lots of men eye a woman younger
now i know one guy who is well in his late 40's
having a relationship with a young 22 year old
is this o'kay or do you feel he's craddle robbing???:confused:

Hi My $$RICH$$NESSSSS ... :love:

Men have forever wanted females much younger than themselves, and young women have wanted older men. Older women and younger men are getting into it more (openly) now as well. In the example you gave, he is old enough to be her father, but it's not unheard of. I think as long as all parties are adults and willing, no one can really say anything.

Personally, I've never done the younger man thing but I've been seeing some real hunky, fine, mature, intelligent, hunky young men and well ... never say never. :wink:

Nawww ... i'm just kidd'n ... :look:

:heart:

Destee

I think as long as the woman involved is of age, then it is their business...she must be looking for something she can only find in an older man, be it maturity/stability/financial comfort or she just may be attracted to him physically as well...he may have the whole package...although I have to say if the age difference is some 20 years or so, I wonder if they think about the future, when she's 40 he's 60 etc....I think this is when the age difference would start to be more noticable....especially if children are involved....also not to be negative about men but from what I've seen of these types of relationships, it is more acceptable for a man to have a younger female than it is for a female to have a younger man....

K

Maturity is definitely something that both parties should possess. Another is understanding. You have to be mentally and emotionally mature enough to recognize and be able to address the adversities that may present themselves, understanding that because of the age difference, the two of you may not necessarily have the same slant on things.

All in all, I agree, as long as both parties are of legal, consenting age, then it's all good!

Oh, btw, I'm 39 and my hubby is 28. ;)

yes but at the age later in life like Kitana said how would it look
and for him whom maybe 65 and she's in her prime surely i've
seen the play come in coz she feel he's to old now cheating
done unto his love he has for her and same as for a woman surely a man will cheat i've watched it happen ....
looking down the road into what maybe
when u see pass 20+ years and together for 30 it's been known
that the mate still love but cheats ....hummmmm! just don't
understand it. why !????

Thanks all for your reply it opens up what i wonder how others feel

it's true indeed i must say i too was broken by a older woman
to learn the sexual side of a relationship and i've been the teacher to a younger woman on her first tyme
but Keme.......what about later in life how do one see it when
the tyme spread gets far wide and the young see need for another young one .......where do it leave the older mate !??

Rich...it seems to me that when you have a fairly large span of years between a young wife/partner and an older husband/partner, it seems the older you get the more the generation gap widens....you have two people who for the most cases will be at two different levels or stages of development in their lives..now I know for some couples this works, but it would seem that in a lot of cases it would not..especially when there is a young active wife and an older inactive (in a lot of ways ) husband..I'm not talking just sexually but also physically and socially..for some, this has to cause problems....and I also know it is a lot different for a child born to older parents to relate to them on a lot of issues, than it is for a child to relate to younger parents..and children born of these unions also risk losing their parents at a much younger age....

K

Kem...
could you define "older female"...what age span are you talking, generally when you speak of a younger man's first sexual experience being with an older woman....

K

kitana when keme said that i my self was a task of dis
it was when i was 19 i was wit a woman 28

yes i agree coz we all know the problems that come to play
i see it i know it ........ just my thing is why cheat !!
i feel that the younger partner should just move on but i also
know that in some relationship a child is within and she don't
wanna move on but yet she makes his life more understandable
to why he feel da way he would sometime she can cause him to
stop sexually / physically/ & mentally as his heart becomes cold
so cheating become a game .......why !?

Rich...cheating happens in all kinds of relationships, and personally I don't think it happens solely, in this case, because of the age difference....like in any case where one partner cheats, it is usually because they are just not committed to the relationship, for whatever reason...

in any case though, serious thought about the future should take place before the relationship begins, too many don't take the time to think about it in the long term, and then, someone is going to get hurt...

just my thoughts...

k

Being serious...

In cases where the male is late teens having sex with a female over 21, do you think this is more a sexual experience for sex itself or an ego trip for the young male, getting a head swell ( no pun intended ) because he has attracted an older more experienced female...

and maybe in instances like this, younger male/older female might be the norm, but I think in later years the younger female/older male relationship is more common...

K

in both cases it's known that the young male has been wit
older females but yes now today i see more younger females
with older males ....
to some they look at the facts that they have an older woman
and sexual active do make a few head big
but one's seeking love / respect & happiness just feel it's what
they both wants
cheating yes comes in all walks of relationships
but i have seen that many who is in a spreaded age relationship
has cheated on the grounds that their mate is too old now!!
why get into it if down the line u will feel the age spread !?

i know a lot about this one from personal experience. my first was 38 while i was 18. that's twenty years. my mom had me when she was 19, and my dad was like 35. i have always been attracted to older men and i have had my share of sugar daddy's too. even now, my boyfriend is 26 and i am 19. i think that it's okay depending on the maturity of the younger adult . i waited until i was older to lose my virginity and i don't regret it. and that's considering the fact that all my friends lost theirs at about 16 or younger. 18 didn't make me an adult but i felt mature enough to make that decision... so overall, i think that any age difference is okay as long as both are adults...

yes but what about when he's much older and u still in a groove
what happens then !????
do u walk away....hummm!
do u cheat.....
do u just say forget it and stop like him
do u make him
see that's when age come crashing down !
what will u do???

i'm young but i'm also aware of all the ***** going on out there. not only do i feel like this is "the one" but i feel that i am also protecting myself from the diseases spreading around. so... i won't be the one trying to get my groove on... and if he even dares too... well we'll just have to cross the bridge if we ever get there.

thanks sistah u sound like u got it all together
indeed love da one u wit......

fa sho RICH... thanks! :D

likewise dear Queen !

RICH,

I'm 22 and just had a 46 year old man hit on me...mind you, I Look my age...24 years old tops!!!

lol...

but seriously though, I prefer guys around my age....

too far apart may mean different goals...I don't want the other pressuring me for a family!

good choice as the two can grow tofether

yeah...when it comes to dating guys...i like them with in five years of my age...preferably my senior

great choice .......now go love da one ya wit
and be loved by him stay within ya age line
alwayz ..

well I think to each his own...i know a couple MADLY in love still wit a 15 year age difference...They are so mushy its nauseous if u R around too long lol :)

it can happen but truely after another 10 to 12 years things will
be looked and judge differently due to the age gap
i too know of a nice couple with a gap in age of 17 yrs.
and it was so sweet after 20 + yrs together but like over
night things change he was more home bound and wheelchair
bound as she still had the spark !
but she love'd him so much that she left him home alone
while she party her inner feelings took a turn knowing he
was much older and now this why hold self down because
he can't move don't mean i can't ....this was words heard
he weep in tears today from a mushy sweet love that now hurt
so bad ...now u hear if i was 10 or 12 yrs younger i could or i would !
see my point is it's nice if it works but for how long ???

Thank you for sharing your view and knowledge on this matter

I have no problem with the age spread as long as both parties are consenting adults. I am a young cat and I like to holla at the mature ladies. The key word is mature, she can be young or old. More older ladies are at the maturity level I can tolerate than these younger females because the older ladies have been there and done that. I donot have to put up with the childish games with some younger females like calling and hanging up, trying to fight me, use me for my money, and/or insecurities. Well young females can be just as mature, too. These older ladies usually be real cool to hang with also. It is not always about the sex thing. Some young females feel like they are royality and want the man to continously prove himself to her.

More of, maybe I am just a boy-toy to these women or maybe these ladies are just appreciative of being treated like a lady instead of that ,"Hey Shawty" "Hey baby" line. Furthermore, these more mature ladies be up front, approach them the right way or keep walking. I like that, no games!

Although, when it comes to marriage most likely it will be with a lady more my age or younger.

point well made thank you for sharing your inner thoughts
and yes when one sex is older he/she is more matured but
as time continue to tick and life moving fast forward seem like
theirs alwayz a break down and laps of meannings of their relationship ........men they cheat mostly when the female mate is older they alwayz have someone some where on the side .

as to a woman she will go out and in time meet a mate to
play N' please her needs when he the mate slow down and
no longer feel the mood this all come to play by age gap
he been their , done that and not missing nothing new in his mind as to she want to try things ..
but as u made the final statement when it come to marriage
who do you call the woman of your age not that much older more mature woman ......point made .

now we ask is love a fare game .........NO !

Personally I have no problem with it. Age has never been a determining factor for my relationships.
If the two are compatible(spiritually,emotionally, intellectually, maturity) what is the problem??
Now what I do have a problem with, is older men purposely seeking out young women in hopes of molding her.
That is not the way a relationship should work.
A friend of mine is in a relationship with an older guy, he has smothered her, manipulated her..diseased her mind..in other words..
She still thinks...he knows me..he's wiser..etc..
yea right..nothin a crack head can tell me..
I disagree with that relationship, because I have seen how it has changed my friend..and not for the better..
She gained him..but she lost her identity..
now she wants out..but dont know how...hmm
and he lives in her home..dont pay bills..just there..
to be continued...gonna stop fa now..before I get pissed!:cuss:

sudden truely i feel you and yes what you say is true
but there is a stopping point to an age spread in any
relationship surely if you mate up and he's older like 15
to 17 years and once you reach 49 still full of fire just think
he's that much older and not so full of fire like you
i've seen it too many times happen she will find the fire
and before you know it the cheatting game come to play
or simply let go.......on the other hand you speak on
No it's not right to try to control your mate at any point or age
and have them not believe they are who they are ... I also saw this happen and the drama it brings to the mental mind
trust me i'm not saying that a age spread is not good but how
far is enough 5 years , 10 years , maybe more and then the
question comes up again for how long !?
thank you sistah for sharing this upon us and what you feel ...

I had to come back and repost, this very topic has affected me personally. I can only speak from my own experiences.
I was one who dated beyond the 5 year age difference.
At 15, I dated a older man, who was 6 years older than me.
At 19, I dated a older man, who was 8 years older than me.
I can honestly say, now that Im much older and wiser, it would not have been my first choice. When I was 15, I did not see age, all I knew, I was in love. It didnt matter if I hung out with friends, grades didnt matter, activities didnt matter. Nothing mattered but this man. I must say, I was very naive. I had to grow up way too fast, and a baby didnt make it any better. Things were happening so quickly, last time I looked up it was 8 years later. I was the adult. I let a man raise me, I let this man mold me into an angry young woman. Ive learned more from that one single relationship, that will last me a lifetime. Im not proud to say I dated a much older man, like its the thing to do..But I went through it early, I came out a much wiser adult. I consider myself an old soul, it could have been contributed by the relationship, or could have been what attracted me to him in the first place.
Who knows.. I rather have lived it then and know what I know now.
When is the age difference to big of a gap?
I dont know. If the young woman or man is of legal age, that individual can determine what suits them.
If two people love each other and seriously commited to one another, I feel that age shouldnt be an issue.
If you are accepting this person in your life, you are also accepting that this person is much older, aging, and set in his/her ways.
It's up to each individual to decide what kind of mate they want to date or spend the rest of their lives with.

i feel you on the situation with your friend. i was there before. to make it even worse, he was my first and he was 19 years older than me. i was stuck on him... thinking that becuase he was my first, i would be with him forever. but i did eventually see that he was trying to mold me... thank God, i got myself out of that one.

it's true the way order or younger mates are treated
when the age gap come to play not only men try to mold
a younger woman to their likings but a woman do it just the same trying to raise a boy as her child yet sleeping with him
this issue is far deeper then we know and the shocking tales
behind the stories untold but inside this spread of age gap
i try to unfold the hidden secrets of a relationship as this play out
like you said being together feeling happy and in love
the mate that was on the same base with you not trying to mold
you to be what he or she want and this the crash of a relationship
so it's the age gap that one's use to be of power some get trap
in it and never come out !
i have to agree most time men do use the age power to
control a younger woman and i've seen it also seen older
males run themself nuts trying to keep her .
Life is more then that pretty face or sexy body or simply
younger mate the age do have a bigger role then spoken
on ......
Thankz for sharing this sistah's and expressing the feelings
and what u both been through just one of the few that wake
up in time and know the differents.

I think males and females deal with the age spread, as far as, admiration and attraction, all the time (i.e., an interesting professor, a mentor, personal advisor). Life and love is about learning and experiences. When people think progressively, like a lot of people in this discussion forum, they are always displaying and yearning deepness, open-mindedness and boldness, in every aspect of their lives.

Now, if what floats your spiritual, mental and even sexual boat shows up and it’s 20 years younger or older, would you all of asudden become a conservative moralist and turn it down, just because of an illusive reality and/or concept called age (remember, physicist say, that even TIME is a concept)?

Man, you have African cultures, that don’t even celebrate or recognize birthdays! I think it’s only the sexual aspect of this question, in the puritanical American sense that brings about the scrutiny and judgments. You know… is it right or is it wrong?

Peace, Love and Ashe,

Sun Ship

P.S. – All of my commentary is dealing with people, over the age of consent!

When people think progressively, like a lot of people in this discussion forum, they are always displaying and yearning deepness, open-mindedness and boldness, in every aspect of their lives

Ashe Sun Ship...I agree with you completely

you have displayed much and thank you for the reply on this
subject male & female has been torn by the facts of age different
in many ways it's true and i agree with you to a point we all have
accepted it being younger but as life goes on there has been a stopping point for many to not reach back for a younger male or female as i search the feelings of how many think on this age thing and most have said the same that in a relationship reality
most do have mates younger or older but it's not the facts of
right or wrong but can it last without the over powering
mind of the older mate who use the witts and knowledge to mold
and make the relationship be what they want it to be is trapment

in today's world everything is a concept
not only sexually but mentally and physically too
a relationship is more if the two really want it to work
but when the older mate become less affective not sexually
the other half tend to keep moving this how the american world
circle around it's been going on for a long time like we in the
third world lovin with whole heart in a relationship can work
there are some who know it works and there are some that it
has crash for them and when you seek the answers they say
well and i quote:: she was really to young or old for me anyway
or he was just too old and even hear he was a baby too young
play like a child this show again the age thing , we living in the
american concept i am no way able to say whats best but i agree
that in making a choice for a mate to live and love let it of the same age bracket as one self not even then a happy relationship
is promised it is what the two make out of it
so many been there and know and theirs a lot of us yet to fine out if it works for them or not
the gap can be a rude awaking.....

i have been in a relationship
where the male was much older....13yrs older
it had it good times as well as bad....
he had to learn i had been raised raise his kids...
i didnt need a father i need a mate...
so for me it took part of me ....
but i think much older or just older or even same age
you will always have your ups and downs...
everything is to be 50-50 but you also need
to talk out stuff inside the relastionship....
to even make it work...regardless of the age...
anything is possilbe if
you work at it to understand each others needs...
so thats my view on this

good point sistah as u stated even the relationship was
sweet and it had that sour moment the mate of age was
on a more raise thing then focusing on ya feelins and the
out come was a mentally lost or part of a soul .................
we all can bounce back but the fact still remain that it would
be better if the mate is more closer to same age
now i must say again i truely know some relationships where
the female is the oldest and how sweet they are together
been together for 27 years and another one where the male is the age different and this relationship also working beautifully
of 20+ years so it's really what you make of it and how you treat
your mate that might be younger , it's been said and quote me now it could be a myth but when in a relationship with an older mate at some point the older mate become the aggressor , more controlling ........Thank u sistah blkangel for your input.

This one hits home. I have always had a preference for older gentlemen, but NOT THAT OLD!!!

I was going to pose a question earlier today in the forums, then tonight I happen across this one. I have been trying to get RID of an older suitor for TOO LONG now. It turns me off BIG TIME when old cats try to push up on me. As I stated before, I prefer a gentleman to be older, but NOT old enough that he looks to be my grandfather!!!

I think the widest age gap I've had in a relationship is 19 years, when I was like 25 or 26. But this present dude is like 55 years old, and LOOKS IT. I'm 30. I just got done telling him today, that A. I'm not trying to get into a relationship right now, I just got out of one, and B. If I were to be interested in getting into a relationship, I do have my eye on someone potential (who is YOUNG, although I didn't mention that to him) and C., I'm not going to accept any lunch & dinner date requests from him, because that would be to lead him on, and I'm not interested in him like that. So why in Hades is he STILL coming up with reasons I should change my mind?!?!?

In short, these men who are WAY older try to FORCE a younger woman to be interested in them (James is not the first, he's one of three I can think of off the top of my head). And they try and use their money as leverage to get a Sista to give in. While, like any woman, I don't mind being "treated", I can NOT be BOUGHT, and I'm NOT impressed by dead presidents.

O.k. I'm rambling and off topic. In my opinion, it is NOT o.k. for a man in his late 30's on up to hit on an 18-22-year-old. If I as a 30-year-old woman see those females as practically babies, then I know the men see them as practically babies, yet they are such perverts, they want to molest. That sounds strong I know, but it's my concrete opinion. I'll be quiet now.

At my present age of 30, I would feel comfortable dating a man anywhere from maybe 29-49. ALTHOUGH, I think it was last year that I met a gentleman who charmed the heck out of me, and had me ready to be his with no question, and he was I think 52, but I promise I had no clue he was a day over 38.

very good enough reason ......not everyone feel like you do
and think age don't matter but i feel you and say it do matter
to a point thank you for sharing a true tale of this with us
it also give me more the reason to say what i say in the whole
nutshell ya words was caressed very much sistah

As long as people are of the legal age of consent and are attracted to each other, then why should age matter? What's important to me are levels of maturity which would include the ability to overcome and effectively address any issues or social pressures that stem around age in this society. There's a saying, age is nothing but a number...

so true NNQ
but i still feel at some point age make a different
it's been a wide open thing for many years and mostly it's all up to the mates but i have seen where most feel trap in a unbalance age relationship

Brother Rich, I can understand how some people might feel that way but all that says to me is they didn't give sufficient thought prior to getting involved or didn't spend enough time exploring the relationship prior to making a commitment. It makes you wonder what the attraction was in the first place. But on the other hand, there are those couples that can make that transition very smoothly. Anna Nicole Smith sure seemed to have no problems with the age gap between her and her deceased spouse.

thank you for the wonderful imput ....
i guess this will forever be open when it comes to views surely it can work out and be long lasting and it can cave in as well
then the question come what would you do or feel about such a age spread in your love life?? and we all answer our self these i my self have dated younger females then me but i also have a age where i don't dip to low never wanted a female older then me from start so now how far will i go ?? answer most times be deep within but i understand your point of view on it thank you.

As long as people are of the legal age of consent and are attracted to each other, then why should age matter? What's important to me are levels of maturity which would include the ability to overcome and effectively address any issues or social pressures that stem around age in this society. There's a saying, age is nothing but a number...
..................
Brother Rich, I can understand how some people might feel that way but all that says to me is they didn't give sufficient thought prior to getting involved or didn't spend enough time exploring the relationship prior to making a commitment. It makes you wonder what the attraction was in the first place.

I couldnt have said it better myself my sister...

hey thanks triniti for the agreement reply on this
i guess many look at it differently at some point
but i know it can be but for how long will it last?

clarify for me my brotha...how long will what last?? :)

what i'm saying is how long will the relatioship last when the age is gap far in between they work out but
for how long i have saw so many fail once one mate get to the age of where they now do less or be as active even tho the relationship was very much fill with
understanding and togetherness why is the change !
but i have seen a few not many that do last til death do one part .....

Examples of all things that should be considered BEFORE getting involved and making commitments. When people only live in the here and now, their vision is extremely narrow and limited which often leads to impulsive behavior based on superficial emotions only. Thinking that is confined to, "This person makes me feel good," is not enough to consider when you commit to someone on a long-term basis. If you live long enough, common sense should tell us that we're going to change in many significant ways--we won't think the same at 50 as we did when we were 30. We won't look the same and we may not act the same. Responsible "love" should take all those things into consideration as one thinks about connecting to another human being in a meaningful way. If someone is older and has a relationship with someone much younger and doesn't realize that they and the other person will change over time is just plain naive and narrow minded. In my opinion, all things are possible if you believe that. Nothing man-made is insurmountable or can't be achieved. I believe that all of us have the power to overcome superficialities such as age if we have reached a level of awareness that makes us realize that it is only issue if we make it one. Nothing more, nothing less.

Just my opinion...

Responsible "love" should take all those things into consideration as one thinks about connecting to another human being in a meaningful way....Nothing man-made is insurmountable or can't be achieved. I believe that all of us have the power to overcome superficialities such as age if we have reached a level of awareness that makes us realize that it is only issue if we make it one.

Sister Queenie I love the way ya do what ya do lol :) so astute...

Furthermore brother Rich...whos to say how long anything lasts. If lifes lessons were known before hand than there would be no reason to "live". Make age an issue when you seek love, then it will continue to be an issue whenever you attempt love. That "responsible love" sista Queen speaks of, understands the changes that come with living life and is ready and willing to love regardless. :) but that beez me lol :)

Rich...my brotha...I do understand your view...and I totally agree. That is why I date women who are within a 5-year age range of my age. I have charmed a many women...younger and older...and it has been fun. However, for a commitment, I want to have many first experiences with the woman I'm with. If the woman is too young, then I've gone through the transformation she will go through...maturity or otherwise. If she is older, then she has gone through the transformation that I have yet to go through. So, as NNQueen has expressed so elegantly, I must make a responsible decision when choosing my queen. (pun intended) :D

So, to avoid the issue that Rich is speaking of, I have made the responsible decision as NNqueen has spoken of...and I choose to date someone within a 5-year age range. This is the choice that I have made for myself. However, someone else may make a responsible decision to be with an older or a younger person KNOWING the situation that Rich speaks of.

...btw, I want children...that usually knocks out a lot of the older women...although some are willing...and able. Dang, I love the Black women with whom I socialize. :D

I think it's all about the individuals involved and how well they are secure in themselves. Although, it seems that it is usually easier for men to date or marry younger than it is for women to do it. My husband is 32 and I'm 23. I've been married five years now. Times have been problematic at times and I'm sure the age difference played it's part. But we were and are committed to working through things and thus we persist on. Maturity is extremely important in relationships where the age difference is great. Automatically the older party will most likely feel wiser; parent like. That's why I think society is fine with men marrying younger. When women do it, people start looking funny and gossiping. Also, in the case of women marrying younger and she has children older or close to the same age as the man, things usually get turbulent. If a parent of yours married younger after a divorce would you all be fine with it?

thank you for this well said imput on the age spreading
and you have raised a good question !
surely many will say no ..because of the age closeness
if a woman get involve with a younger man that's the same age as her son ....he would look at it way differently like a buddy time not trying to control him
this will bring big turbulent in the home ...
this how i see it ....not saying i'm right but my view of it