Had to bring this one to the boards in response to a few of the columns I have been blessed to write and post here. Regina Nicholson has a lot to say about how brothers are being treated in the courts on Child Support and Visitation down in Atlanta...

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I think having a close relationship with my Dad and
Granddad helped me to understand people are people,
regardless of gender. I think of all the times my Dad
had tea parties with me. He attended my pageants and
my "girlie" activities. He was my first softball
coach. He helped me grow into a self-reliant woman
and was my football buddy along with my Granddad. My
Granddad was my heart. His words of wisdom and
support were insurmountable. He also supported my
activities. That's why I am a strong advocate for
Dads being a part of their child's life.

I am a resident of Marietta, Georgia which is a part
of Metro Atlanta.

The Georgia Child Support guidelines are horrible and
take into account the gross pay instead of net pay.
The guidelines also do not take into account the
income of the custodial parent which is usually the
mother. Custody of the children most often goes to the
mother without considering the father might be the
better parent.

I am an advocate for children. I work diligently in my
volunteer work with churches and other organizations
assisting children. I see an abuse of the court system
from both women and men, now especially women. Being
female doesn't automatically make one a better parent.
Judges should view a person as an individual, not as a
race, gender or culture. I believe in justice for all
people and each person should be held to the same
standards as everyone else. My family often told me I
had to go the extra mile because of my race. I know
life isn't fair, but the law should be fair and
equitable to all people.


For example, there are many cases in metro Atlanta
where the incomes of both parents are the same or the
woman is making significantly more than her husband.
This is often the case in marriages where both are
degreed professionals and this is often the case in a
lot of African-American marriages. The number of
African-American women with college degrees
significantly differs with those of men with college
degrees.


I have seen several family members and friends live on
the poverty level trying to pay the unrealistic child
support payments when their ex-wife should be equally
responsible for the financial care of the child. These
men, more often than not, do not have access to their
children due to manipulative games played by the
mother.


Why do women strive so hard to have equal rights, but
yet want to have special privileges too? The court
system makes it easy for a woman to falsely accuse a
man of the crime of "domestic violence" with no
retribution for perjury. This is often a ploy used in
divorce and child custody battles.


Why is a woman automatically believed and a man is not
believed? Many innocent people have been made to
suffer because a "restraining order" was issued with
no investigation by the police or no evidence of
wrongdoing. There are many women who are victims of
domestic violence, but each case should be
investigated before a person is assumed guilty.


I have personal reasons for wanting gender
discrimination out of the courts. I have four uncles
who have suffered from the women they chose. I also
have a number of friends who are excellent fathers who
have struggled with the court system. One of my
friends actually won custody of his daughter, but it
was a long, intense, expensive struggle!


One uncle, my mom's baby brother, was a victim of
domestic violence and is now deceased. We miss him
greatly and can't understand how she could be so
vicious. She was upset because he was going out with
his friends. His live-in girlfriend received
manslaughter for her crime in California, although the
DA was going for first degree murder. One juror felt
sorry for her since she was a young mother (not my
uncle's child, although he was more a father to him
than his biological father) and would not relent
unless she was given manslaughter.


The rest of the jurors were so upset, some came to her
sentencing and those who couldn't wrote letters. They
felt she didn't get the sentence she deserved. Even
the judge said he wished he had met my uncle for he
seemed like a wonderful young man. Her defense, it was
an accident! She is now out of prison!


I have contacted several organizations and there are
no support groups for men who suffer from domestic
violence. Needless to say, I gave them an earful,
respectfully of course, about gender discrimination.


Another uncle married the same woman twice who tried
to kill him twice. He is smaller than her and she
would beat him up all the time. The first time, she
cut up his abdominal area and damaged his intestines.
When he was released from the hospital, he divorced
her and dropped the assault charges.


He remarried her because the children wanted their
parents back together. We excommunicated her from the
family and told her she was no longer welcome at our
homes. So, at family gatherings, he would attend with
his two children. We told him he was crazy for taking
her back and asked him how does he sleep at night
lying next to a person who tried to kill him? He
needed help also for wanting to be in a dysfunctional
relationship.


When he left for Desert Storm, she didn't pay the
bills. He came home only to find the bank had
foreclosed on his house. Two years ago, he came home
from work and caught her having intimate relations
with a man she met on the internet. He and the man
started fighting. She ran to get a gun and shot him
four times. He was in intensive care fighting for his
life. He still has two bullets left in him. They are
too close to the spine to remove. He had to retire
because of the pain and recovery from the shooting.
She filed a restraining order on him and stated she
shot him in self defense.


The courts believed her even with her violent history.
He was put on probation. He is now serving time in
prison for violating probation, because with all of
the pain, he turned to alcohol and drugs. She is
walking the streets free as a bird! He has wasted his
whole life on this woman who was his high school
sweetheart.


Another uncle is going through a divorce which started
two years ago and it is still not final! The good
news, he does get to see his daughter on a regular
basis. The bad news, he is broke and tired from the
court fights!


The last uncle story...He is paying child support to
two ex-wives. One uses his child support to pay her
car payment. She has remarried and moved away from the
area. He only gets his son in the summer. His other
child, a twelve year old daughter, is not in his life
even though she only lives 8 miles away. Her mother
will not allow him to see her because she is still
upset over him ending the relationship. She has also
remarried. He pays her around $700 a month. He works
overtime and has a lawn service to make ends meet. He
barely has time to eat and sleep.

I know it is because they chose the wrong women, but
the courts are so biased in the woman's favor. If I
was a man, I don't think I would get married! Not all
women are vicious, but I'm beginning to think at least
80% of them are spiteful and I'm a woman! Women need
to realize, "Okay, the relationship ended. I might not
like him anymore but the children have nothing to do
with our relationship."


Some women think they had a "Virgin" birth without
help from the father!

Why are feminists so eager to come to the aid of of
bad mothers who maim and kill their children but fail
to rally around a good father? Children need contact
with both of their parents. It is so important for
their well-being!

People's rights are being taken away from them, slowly
but surely.

It reminds me of the poem by Pastor Martin Niemöller.
They came for the communists, and I did not speak up
because I wasn't a communist;
They came for the socialists, and I did not speak up
because I wasn't a socialist;
They came for the union leaders, and I did not speak
up because I wasn't a union leader;
They came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because
I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for me, and there was no one left to
speak up for me.


I just don't want to be guilty of not assisting those
who rights have been disregarded. My paternal
grandmother always told me to remember where your
rights end, another's begin.

Regina R. Nicholson

You can easily judge the character of others by how
they treat those who they think can do nothing for
them or to them. ~ Malcolm Forbes

Mike Ramey

She gets a BIG amen from me. This type of stuff does make me not want 2 get married honestly. I don't feel like I could ever completely trust a woman. I keep thinking I'll just wait til I'm older (like in my 40's-50's) when kids R no longer a factor; especially since I refuse 2 date women with kids, and am horrified of having some with a woman who turns out 2 be crazy.

Some of us are called to be single, and some of us are called to be married. IF we would remember to enjoy the state that we are in and be content, we would find ourselves a LOT happier and a LOT healthier.

If you have to hurry after something, or someone, it may not be worth it if you are not secure in yourself.

Mike Ramey

WoW! :eeek:

I can't say that I agree wholeheartedly with everything that was said. I can say that I appreciate wholeheartedly that Mike Ramey shared this with us. :love:

Where do I begin ...

I am a firm believer that very little is more important than a father being in their child's life. I never had a father in mine and realize the true cost of this can never be measured. I don't think any child should be denied what God has given them, BOTH of their parents.

Having said that, I think you are coming down very hard on the Sisters. Unnecessarily So. I do agree that it is more difficult for a man to gain custody of his children. I'm encouraged though that so many are willing to fight that fight for their children ... and many have won it. There are still many more fathers going above and beyond to make their children know that they are there for them. It is a beautiful thing to witness.

But when a man does not do this ... you cannot blame it on the woman.

You mentioned several examples from your own family, of men CHOOSING the wrong woman ... then wanting to blame the woman for everything ... when it all began with THEIR choice. It's called accepting responsibility for ALL consequences that come, as a direct result of one's OWN CHOICE. Not only must they accept this ... but you must also, if you're going to be all up in their business.

Your family is correct, going the extra mile because of our race is necessary. Going the extra mile also includes not tearing down one whole half of the equation, to lift the other half up. Black men are worthy of their accolades, but not at the expense of black women. Your effort is canceling itself out. Both black men and black women have gone through, suffered, been mistreated, need encouragement and uplifting words. You can't tear down one side of the family, the mother or the father, and expect for the children in that family to thrive. Throughout history nothing has been fair for black folk, even less has been fair for black men, and perhaps ... thanks to us, this current generation ... even less has been fair for our children. If you are truly an advocate of the child ... then you must also be an advocate for BOTH mother and father ... because the child needs and deserves positive messages, interactions and encouragement from and about BOTH.

You cannot tear down any one of a child's parents, without tearing down the child.

:heart:

Destee

A few years back, I did an interview with a noted Black Sociologist who was catching some heat because of the way he conducted his research. His line of thought, yes, the negative does exist...but the MAJORITY of Black folk DID manage to stay married and keep their homes together. He defined it as the 70/30 mix...and we are so used to hearing about the 30 percent that did hit hard times that we forget those souls in the 70 percent that hit hard times and manage to keep it together.

Ms. Nicholson is not 'downing' anyone. However, she wrote this to me just to remind myself and others that we get so used to hearing and seeing the bad news, we forget there is some good news out there. There are those who did have fathers, and those who had mothers, and those who had both, who managed to make it alright and are using their upbringing to help others.

Its just another point of view that we don't see or hear enough of on a regular basis.

The media conditions us with a steady stream of bad news everyday. We don't get to see the regular black men and black women because the media has 'deluded' itself into thinking that we only want to see the bad.

Not everything is 'bad' out there. There are those who are doing well. We need to hear from them, every once in a while.

Mike Ramey

Posted by Mike Ramey:
Ms. Nicholson is not 'downing' anyone.

Hmmmmm ... okay Mike :wink:

:heart:

Destee

If you look at most of the black marriages that are successful these days, it is because the woman in the marriage is not trying to control every aspect of it.

With women who need to control everything in a marriage, if there is a divorce, there is often a thirst for revenge. These women are so bent on destroying the father that they destroy their children.

I am not downing mothers. I am trying to show how important fathers are in a child's life.

I agree, fathers are very important in a child's life.

I don't believe it requires saying negative things about mothers to prove that.

:heart:

Destee

Since when is stating a different P. O. V. a negative?

Let's look at marriage for what it is. God intended it to be perfect, and HIS mark is still the goal! Men AND women messed the equation up.

However, one cannot 'blame' the men for the problem. There are some women who have done their share of 'dirt' to destroy the home as well.

The matter as I see it, and mind you it is based upon this letter, is there are views surfacing that paint a fuller picture. For too long, the 'assumption' was that the failure of the marriage relationship rests ONLY upon the man.

Now you have a woman coming forward saying: "Wait a minute, here is what I have found by living my life and my background..."

And, some folk just cain't (and I did say cain't) take the fact that this view exists.

I know a LOT of men and women who are giving Miss Nicholson's letter a wide degree of circulation. Ms. Sears is one of them. And, we are familiar with her work as well, as the CEO of her own Publication and Literary Company.

No one is 'downing' anyone. Just brininging more paint and brushes to the canvas. Hopefully HELPING some one's relationship that may be in trouble.

And helping them to turn it around.

Isn't that what WE as a people are supposed to be about?

Mike Ramey

A house divided shall not stand. Violence is a cry out for help. One must be very careful in the surroundings of there children, if not the child will become a part of this curse. Children learn from there surroundings. There is no pleading with rage. One must remove themselves if not it will destroy all that lives within the same house.

It truly is a shame that black men and women tear each other down and thus tear the child down by fighting it out in court.
I have personally experienced living (thank god I broke off the marriage before we went through with it) with a very controlling woman who had to have everything her way.

She loved being treated the traditional way (I still believe in chivalry), but didn't want to reciprocate at all. I made more than her up to the point that I lost my job, and once I did our relationship was downhill from there. We ended up parting and within 3 weeks of me leaving, she filed for child support knowing that I was currently unemployed. The courts didn't listen and the judge demanded that I go out and look for a job, like I was some deadbeat.

Before the court hearing I used to give her a substantial amount although I wasn't working and even diminished my 401k. The judge didn't care one way or the other and ordered me to pay more. I was only allowed to see and speak to my son at her whims, so I took her to court for visitation. She also had the judge set it to pay her through the courts, so in essence I would owe the state and they can suspend my driver's license and passport if I owe back payments.

I know that all women aren't evil like this, however a woman's attitude does change significantly once she has broken up with her man. Vengance takes over and everyone is laid waste in her fury... Man, woman and child. It''s funny how when we were all on the plantation we had to struggle together to get by day to day. Now we don't even value the strength of having a complete family.

You spoke some much needed truth...and I couldn't have said it any better.

Mike Ramey

Black Boy I Want Be Your Whore
I Am Worthy Of Your Name
By Jacqueline Amos



I sit upon the waters,
with my head in shame,
I the universe the
foundation of your name,
I sit upon darkness
as you tarnish thy name of my
ancestors.
Man changes the laws he can
lay with me, but I am not
worthy of his name.

If I can bare your babies
raise your sons and daughters
rise you when the world say
you are not worthy.
Why am I not worthy of your name.
Nevertheless you think you are greater
than God's spoken words.
Black boy I won't be your whore.

I Black Woman Mother Of Jesus
I Harriet Tubman the black woman that brought
you cross.

My brothers who shame the sanctuary of marriage
Why must I be your back house without honor
are love.

I sit back with tears upon my eyes.
As the slave master raped my babies
and continue to make us the out house
to his little chamber toys.
Brothers against woman
Have you ever asked your self
how did the ancestors feel when
her black man watch on as
the slavemaster used her
as a garbage disposal
and the slave masters daughter looked on.
Have you ever thought how the ancestors (Woman)
felt when the slave master made his black woman
walk through the back door as her black
man looked on.

When a man looks upon woman
as she was the scum of the earth
never giving her honor for the warrior
she is. I sit before the calvary no
longer will I accept being classified
as the whore that lived within horror
because her black man felt she
was not worthy of his name.

Peace and Tounge shall be the
destruction of the black generation
today. What do our children learn
from this history of man.
Give me love and respect
are give me death.
The slave master has lost his key.
Words are weapons the man
is the foundation of his seeds.
A hero is nothing but a sandwich
when you have no honor for
your queen.




Universe I sat before the cross.
The world sits and listen as
you call my name,
black boy I wont be your whore.
I the mother of
creations, I the womb of mind,
I the womb of creations,
have felt the pain
of civilizations.

I reclaim my identity for all man to see.
I have felt
your mothers pain, and her mothers pain,
and her fathers pain.
I the
incubator of the earth,
judge me not by those who come in shame.
I am the
mother of the universe.

Judge me not for like of strength,
judge me as
a warrior.


Take not sides ,
with the slave masters daughter ,
an degrade me for
satins pleasures,
judge me not for my gifts and kindness,
If you have not
felt the gift of love,
I have been the eyes,
that you may see, the
footsteps that you may lead,
the breath,
when it is to hard to breathe.
The roof when theres no where to live.
The milk of your mothers breast,

The words of spiritualism,
when the world has turned its back.
Black Boy I
wont be your whore.

I women who bare kindness of love,
I women who give treasures of the
earth, I women will not come through the back door.

Black Boy I wont be
your whore. Judge me not for your like of empowerment,
judge me not for
your short comings of tomorrow,
blame me not for the slave master trick
analogy, embrace my hands,
that we will walk together. Thy shall not
turn thy back on thy seed,
Mama Baby Daddy maybe,
Genocide by my mans
hand.

I rise you to the heavens,
I shall not strike out with hate against all
black men.
Black Boy I want be your whore,
I where the blood in the
palms of my hand, and the scars on my back.
I never left I still wear the
pain.
I sing the song of the televise revolution,
I sing the songs of
freedom, the bell never rings.
Released the chains of my feet,
the chains of my risk,
but lynched the
love of my black king,
I cry no victim song,
I walk through the valley
of death, singing we shall over come.

Copywriter 2002