Is is time for black women to consider dating men from other races? There I said it. We tiptoe around this issue like it isn’t happening but each year there are more single black women. Why?

The future of black women and marriage needs some serious consideration as the chances for a black woman to marry decreases dramatically with each year she is over thirty and if she is not married by age forty the chances she will ever marry are almost 100 percent.

In the past four decades, a social and economic revolution has transformed traditional patterns of marriage and family among both whites and blacks. More white women and women of other races are marrying black men. And, black men are increasingly shying away from long term relationships with women who have children. Also, black men are staying single longer than ever.

In 1950, 64 percent of black men age 14 or older were married, but by 1995, that proportion had plummeted to 43 percent. The percentage of currently married white males in the same age category also dropped, but not nearly as much, from 68 percent in 1950 to 61 percent in 1995.

“The sexual revolution of the last two decades has wreaked havoc on black relationships." Young black women are now spending years getting an education and building a career. When they turn to thoughts of settling down, they find a small pool of marriageable black men... "Because available women so far outnumber them, many black men often say they see no reason to make long-term commitment . . . They feel it's safer to 'couple for the moment' and move on."

Marital therapist and radio talk-show host Audrey Chapman worries about tomorrow. "African-Americans are the most unpartnered group in America. Census figures show that 35% of Americans between 24 and 34 have never married. For African-Americans, that figure is 54%." Married black women are even rarer.

Between 1950 and 1995, the percentage of black women 14 or older who were married fell from 62 percent to under 38 percent. Currently, 59 percent of all white women are married, down from 66 percent in 1950. Data collected by census researchers also suggest that fewer than 75 percent of black women can expect to marry sometime in their lives, compared with 90 percent of white women.

Patterson said there are an estimated 772 middle-class black men for every 1,000 middle-class black women, and the gap is widening. Those numbers alone would explain why "the situation is almost perfect for middle-class black men" seeking a long-term relationship, marriage or a family, but more difficult for many middle-class black women, Patterson said.

Forty-eight percent of all black women of marriageable age are either divorced or have never been married (compared with 31 percent of white women). Among African Americans aged 20–39, there are about 10 percent more women than men. An additional 10 percent of males are in prison, and another 10 percent are otherwise restricted by the legal system. Eighty percent of African American graduate students are women. For individuals between the ages of 25 and 55, there are 86.5 black men for every 100 black women. (In this same age group, there are 100.5 white men for every 100 white women.)

Other causes for this black male shortage include tragically high homicide rates (51.4 deaths per 100,000 black men), suicide rates (9.9 deaths per 100,000 black men, compared with 2.0 per 100,000 for black women), and rates of death from disease and accidents.


In addition, black men are far more likely to marry non-blacks than are black women. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the incidence of black-white married couples quadrupled between 1960 and 1990. However, writers have suggested that while black men often prefer fairer-skinned women, black women tend not to prefer fairer-skinned men. Also, African Americans are more in demand as husbands than as wives, some research suggests, partly because black men are seen as slightly more masculine than white men and black women are seen as slightly less feminine than white women.

The media reinforces this image of black men through its stereotypes of African American males as rugged athletes. It has also been suggested that the American government promotes single motherhood for African American women by providing welfare aid and, along with it, a certain degree of economic freedom for these women. This governmental safety net may also aid men in rationalizing their refusal to marry.

The major increase in the never-married population has occurred among blacks. Between 1975 and 1999, the percentage of blacks that have never been married increased from 32 percent to 44 percent while the percentage of blacks who are married declined from over 42 percent in 1975 to 32 percent in 1999, with nearly 23 percent of African American households headed by women with children.

Black Americans are more likely to divorce or separate than whites. Black women also tend to separate and divorce earlier in their marriages and are less likely to remarry. Also lower educational attainment among black males reduces the availability black males as well as marginalized earning power brought about by the lower educational levels, racism and bias.
The divorce rate has had a negative impact on the black community. "Only 18 percent of black women who married in the 1940s eventually divorced a rate only slightly higher than that for white women of that era. But, of that far smaller number of black women who married in the late sixties and early seventies, 60 percent have already divorced."

Today the number of children born into a black marriage averages less than 0.9 children per marriage and today only one-third of black children have two parents in the home." Interestingly, even with the purposeful destruction of black families by slave masters, during the days of slavery a black child was more likely to grow up living with both parents than he or she is today. Nevertheless, as recently as 1960, three-quarters of African Americans were born into a family of a married couple indicating a drastic change during the past 40 years in spite of the success of the Civil Rights and Women’s Movements. , , ,

Currently in the United States about 43 percent of African American homes are headed by women, while numbers of marriageable African American men continue to decline. The U.S. Census Bureau reports a continued drop in the prevalence of African American husband-wife families and an associated drop in the percentage of resident children and marital births in these families. In 1960, the percentage of African American children living in husband-wife families in southern, nonmetropolitan areas was 66 percent. By 1990, it had dropped to 39 percent, indicating that changes in the structure of the African American family and concurrent increases in poverty have not been restricted to the urbanized North.

The bottom line is the black women are staying single through no fault of their own—or is it? By restricting themselves to a small selection pool a black woman’s chances at marriage dwindle each day. If relationships are about love and understanding, perhaps it is time to consider other alternatives—or is it?

in some ways i agree coz indeed the studies show that many
blk females r without a mate while white women have one
by far it's time to venture but i still hope to see our own get to
a complete and settle down
out look ............i thing black women not ready yet to go this
route even as we speak their r 26% who have and another
13% who will....

Our culture doesnot promote it for women--men are able to do one thing while women are expected to do another--still the shortage exists--with the current rate--there are more single women going with married men--more men with two to three girlfriends--more women unmarried--why?--who knows, but maybe it is time for our women to find a little happiness and if that means crossing the street--maybe its time--Ra

;)

it would seem that way, but early mistakes have a way of hurting later in life when we are ready to settle down--true enough that women with children face an even tougher battle, but it isn't because they don't want to be married--having children young and single often impacts later staus--Ra

da outlook of it seem that most unmarried women r young
with children yet they do seek marriage but so few men who
wish dis upon them self as they pose da playa style still their
is a few men who wish to be bonded in a love forever and she
turn away for da single life i've checked dis out far to many times
now we still have many men waiting but is it time to cross ova??

There is clearly a double standard in the black community--men like loose women--they just don't want to marry them--I believe that a woman has every right a man has BUT--the reality is that men hold women to a differnet standard when it come times to marry--our black male culture promotes male promiscuity--the more women the better--a woman can do the same thing BUT at some time in her life some man will hold her accountable--it aint fair, but life often isn't--the fact is few men want a ready made family, especially when they can find women without children--plus men take being men very seriously--among many men--getting married early is a sign of weakness--it is better to hold out--is this always true?--obviously not as witnessed by all the young people who marry--still, the fact remains that each year that a black woman moves past 25, her chances of marrying start to drop while the same is not true for black men--if she has children the chances of her not marrying nearly triples. If a woman happens to be less than attractive then the chances decrease while for men that is less of the case--is it time? We need to get some ladies in here and give us there opinion if its time or not?

Ra

:heart:

so who are the fathers of all these women with children?

though i love black men, if i found someone who i was attracted to, had similar interests and same understanding or at least respect for each other perspective of life, enjoyed being around, etc. then yes, i would consider it.

alot of black men are in jail, gay, and/or unworthy so that reduces our pool to choose from.

i wonder why we place so much emphasis on being married. we are the only animals on this planet who use this concept. other species are not necessarily expected to stay with a mate for life. few do.

and seeing that there are more women than men then the stats are going to show more women unmarried.

also white girls live for the day they get married. they dream of the white dress, big wedding and perfect life from the prince charming. doesn't happen, they find out later. many of them are opting for single motherhood. it seems they too are CHOOSING to become single mothers. it's become a trend.

from my perspective. i don't mind not being married. i've seen the lives of my mother who left my abusive father. i witnessed such violence at a young age, one of my earliest memories at the age of 18 months. i witness an aunt who married 3 times. all of her relationships being abusive in other ways, including physical.

maybe some of us would rather do good on our own than doing bad with a man.

The old song says that "I can do bad by myself--I don'tneed no help to starve to death"--you make a very good point--perhaps it is time that women give men the boot or do what we do--use themwhen you need them--still, there are many sisters who want to be married, but because of all the circumstances you mentioned the pool of marriagle black men is shrinking--personally, I feel that "whatever" makes you happy is the way to go, but I know there is a lot of cultural baggage that goes along with as well as societal baggage that makes life difficult--still I think for those women who want to get married, they should not liit themselves to black men--we would not limit ourselves in anything else we would do including choice of career, where we live, who we associate with, or even what color car we drive--so why we would we limit ourselves in who we love? We need so more women to speak out--SPEAK to Me! Where do you stand?

Ra

:heart:

no we shouldn't just limit ourselves to black men.

we want to stick next to your brothas, we really do.

you know, i don't know of too many women who have said, "i don't want to get married." okay, maybe those that have already been married before. :)

however, women have working, more independent, and don't have those same societal pressures to marry early and become the "happy homemaker" that was present in our parents days. i think we are just more willing to wait longer for that "one" to come along. and yes sometimes along the way, we have children. doesn't mean we are going in the wrong direction though.

if i man could love and take me and my child(ren) then he ain't the man for me. that goes for white, black, and all in between.

LOL! i guess this attitude is why i'm single today. ;)

not at all it's reality and yes most blk women love to
stand by the bruthas yet their r far too many still good
wit great vibe and understanding but women ova look
them for that pretty face or deep pocket now crossing
ova is a big step from where we been and where we came
from but who wants to be alone singing dat old song
now i still feel that theirs a chance to stay within ya own
by all means we all to look at it deep we r few and to fine a
good one is less ........we need to stop ova looking what's
really out their in bruthas u think less of or not so glamor.

well Rich, men need to stopping thinking that women who have children are not worthy or deserving. so it's goes both ways.

too many times we may look at the outer person or not get to know the inner person and pass up a good thing.

here's the thing: a man of another race has to have some soul about them. not just plain, which is how i see most white men.

sorry to any white man who might be reading the board. LOL!

U r so right we do as men ova look our Queenz whom bare child
or children coz we can't take on da responsibility or too sorry 2
face manhood now i do agree, I see this in all races these kind
r not men no way now on the other hand men like my self
see da inner beauty of a soul and when i step in i'm ready to
handle the whole cake not pieces but how many out their like dat
not many yet still a few now crossing ova in some cases need to
be so our men can wake up to reality that our sistahs is far
too precious to toss around and where other races would treat
then as Queenz that they r and like u said it works both wayz
so sistah do a inside check before u diss a brutha like a cass
away coz he might be da one u so need even if ya disire is not
on him , becareful what u choose for it might be why so many
left to bare child alone and bruthas need to stop da smack down
name calling and looking ova da sistah's coz she is da one
trust me no doubt we can pull it off and stay within if we wake up
now be fore it's a total lost
now how many have da soul u so wish of or da beat u so call
upon i can't see it at dis point so crossing ova pushing da button
is not needed yet .......out look is dem but we can ova come it..
try try try !!!!!

we need to stand by each other, but do we stand by each other to our own detriment? That is a tough one--we must be supportive, but we must not support bad behavior--I say date who makes you happy and **** the repercussions--Ra

:cool:

ya right Ra..... if ya heart is their then so be it
coz a lot of times we seem to care when we really dont
like u said we do need to stand by each other side
and we don't and most of us won't what else left but to
cross ova ......no need to be alone or misused by some
**** fool when on the other side of da coin da grass is
green

This thread speaks to me and makes me think, especially concerning my failure rate with black women. While I've always preferred black women I can't seem 2 attract them. I tend 2 attract more white/asian/'other' women than black women 4 some reason. Also, the black women I do manage 2 attract R women that I would not want if I saw them 1st.

What I've always wondered about is if whatever is attracting other races of women 2 me possibly making me less attractive 2 black women. I have no idea.

Also, I do have sort of a thing about not dating women with kids. I just can't make myself do it. As a matter of fact I refuse. The fact is the idea of a ready made family just doesn't seem fair. One of 2 things has 2 occur if I do this. I have 2 step in some deadbeat's shoes and take on HIS responsibility. Or, the father is still in the picture and I have 2 "share" fatherhood with him. Neither of those is very promising. I don't know why I have this extreme bias towards women with out of wedlock kids, even though I know it's reality that more and more women R going 2 have kids already. I just don't want 2 adopt a family. I like doing things the other way around (marriage 1st, kids next). I really don't like the idea that MY woman has some other dude's kids. I know that sounds bad, but I'm being honest.

This is just one of the reasons I'm still single, or always single.

Solo--not every man would come out and say that he is not particularly interested in dating a woman with children, but since you've said it, I will chime in and say that a woman with children is not my optimum choice and it is not for many men--obviously it is a double standard, but that is the way of the world--women with children aren't as attractive to some men as those without them--is it fair? No! But life ain't fair. On the other hand, a man should know that when he becomes involved with a woman with children--THEY ARE PART OF THE PACKAGE--and he better learn how to deal with it in a positive manner if her really cares about that woman. Interestingly, it is documented fact that black women seem to prefer men who are darker and that men are just about the opposite. Now the delimma is what shade? Every light skinned brother or sister ain't necessarily a light skinned brother or sister--it depends on who is doing the looking--believe it or not, my great grandmother was color-struck. She was about a shade lighter than tar but she hated anything black--I didn't understand it growing up and I still don't. Back to single women--bad choices in men, bad decisions and bad luck seem to all be parts of the problem--unfortunately, as men we tend to get away with it--WOMEN DON'T--they are penalized. Should they date outside the race? I say yes and more power to them if they should happen to find happiness--I am for happiness--Ra

:toast:

even now their are many men who also fine a woman
with children better then a woman without and are very
happy in life yes it's true in many ways that the deadbeat
father is around still but that choice is hers we have to
see da other side of the coin before we can call it
now in reality if whom ever so choose to date out their races
then i too is happy for them i'm not color struck or anything
but give me a sistah somewhere somehow someway there
is a woman for me to make me happy without crossing ova.

now that's how i see it.

You are so correct--but when we talk about black women dating and even marrying white men, somehow that seems to be a taboo--it happens, but it certainly isn't approved of--with the number of black men in prison (rightly or wrongly), deadbeat fathers and playas, it seems that dating outside the race is the best alternative is a woman is interested in finding a serious partner--this is one of those shoes that doesn't fit too well when its on the other foot--black men do not deal with this one graciously--women do what you need to be happy--men, leave them alone if you aren't serious unless you both know it--Ra

;)

that's bullschit Kemetstry.

eagles and whales but many other species do not commit for life. it would mean an end to their kind. on other species the males mate with other females, in the nature it is the strongest survive and you can best the male doesn't stay around in these situation either. LOL! he gets ran away by a stronger male. ;)

come'on man, don't you watch the Nature channel. :D

and for the record, i never said there weren't any other species that mated for life. i said there weren't many.

this higher form of life has created many, many problems of the world, including the near destruction of "lower" forms of life - like your eagles. they were just about extinct for a while. no wonder they only mate for life. ;)

Thanks for letting me get in on this great issue, Amun-Ra!

Look, we are going to have to take off the blinders on this one, Fam. Folk are going to marry WHO they want, WHEN they want.

Let's look back. Interracial marriage is NOT the 'dirty thing' that we tend to think it is. It has been going on for a looooooong time. What upsets me is the 'small mindedness' and 'hypocrisy' among our ranks.

Like I said on another post; If Black Men don't own Black Women, and if Black Women don't own Black Men, then what business is it of mine who the sister down the street decides to marry...and vice versa!

Now, IF someone is being mistreated, then there is the potential for involvement. But, where the 'I DOs' are being exchanged, that is an INDIVIDUAL decision between a man and a woman...not a community event!

This 'issue' upsets us more than OUR kids killing each other on the streets of our cities...which is sad.

Another thing...those statistics that were cited. Yeah, I've read the same stats. However, I find it interesting that Black folk can be so 'accurately' counted in jail by the federal government, but the same group of Feds have 'undercounted' us for years in the neighborhoods. "Don't Believe The Hype" written by F. Childeya a few years ago exposed a lot of that miscounting garbage. Plus, how is it that WE are always undercounted...but Latinos (they used to be called 'hispanics' and 'Puerto Ricans'...but there has been a name changes--LOL) are 'accurately' counted in numbers 'surpassing' Black Folks.

Bottom line: Black Women and Black Men don't need 'permission' to marry anyone. The 'race' has existed since the dawn of time, and interracial marriages have been going on since that...and so has racism.

I am married to a wonderful woman who is my Queen...and I am her King. There are some sisters who have trouble with this...and she is black and so are they...and so am I. THEIR problem is that they 'want' into the relationship...thus they 'feign' jealousy and outrage. Well, if the truth be told, God put my wife into my life, and I'd be a fool to 'settle' for some 'jealous' sister just to make the 'race' 'feel good'. Sorry, but a man/woman can only marry ONE person at a time. MORE than that, in the USA, is illegal. So is man/woman sharing.

The REAL problem is between not blacks and whites, but lighter blacks and darker blacks. We've got all the colors of the rainbow among our people...from the highest yellows to the darkest black. But WE still can't get along with each other. In some parts of our community, since my wife is darker than I, she is 'looked down on' by other black folk. This is also true of dark brothers who have 'light' wives....not 'white' wives.

That's my two cents worth.

Mike Ramey

Mike has called it straight--we still haven't heard from the women--it is easy for us men to shoot off out mouths because we aren't affected directly--we do what we want, but I sure wouldlike to hear from more women on this issue--I think Mike's got it right when he says that we don't own each other--we say its past time that women do as they please, but that's just a bunch of hardhead men taking--tell us what you think--and don't be gentle--we like it rough!

Ra

:)