Alkebulan
09-15-2002, 03:28 PM
a new priest at his 1st mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. after mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. the monsignor replied, "when i am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, i put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. f i get nervous i take a sip." so the next sunday, he took the monsignor's advice. at the beginning of the sermon he got nervous & took a drink. he proceeded 2 talk up a storm. upon returning to his office after mass he found the following note on his door:
1. sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. there r 10 commandments, not 12
3. there r 12 disiples not 10
4. jesus was consecrated not constipated
5. jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***
6. we do not refer to jesus as the late j.c.
7. the father, the son, and the holy ghost are not referred to as daddy. junior, & spook
8. david slew goliath he did not kick the s**t out of him.
9. when david was hit by a rock & knocked off of his donkey don't say he was stoned off his ***
10. we do not refer to the cross as THE BIG T
11. WHEN JESUS BROKE BREAD AT THE LAST SUPPER HE SAID,"TAKE THIS AND EAT IT, FOR IT IS MY BODY", HE DID NOT SAY, "EAT ME"
12. THE VIRGIN MARY IS NOT REFERRED TO AS THE " MARY WITH A CHERRY."
13. THE RECOMMENDED GRACE BEFORE A MEAL IS NOT: "RUB - A- DUB - DUB-, THANKS FOR THE GRUB, YEAH GOD."
14. NEXT SUNDAY THERE WILL BE A TAFFY-PULLING CONTEST AT St. peter's not a peter-pulling contest at st. taffy's
1. sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. there r 10 commandments, not 12
3. there r 12 disiples not 10
4. jesus was consecrated not constipated
5. jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***
6. we do not refer to jesus as the late j.c.
7. the father, the son, and the holy ghost are not referred to as daddy. junior, & spook
8. david slew goliath he did not kick the s**t out of him.
9. when david was hit by a rock & knocked off of his donkey don't say he was stoned off his ***
10. we do not refer to the cross as THE BIG T
11. WHEN JESUS BROKE BREAD AT THE LAST SUPPER HE SAID,"TAKE THIS AND EAT IT, FOR IT IS MY BODY", HE DID NOT SAY, "EAT ME"
12. THE VIRGIN MARY IS NOT REFERRED TO AS THE " MARY WITH A CHERRY."
13. THE RECOMMENDED GRACE BEFORE A MEAL IS NOT: "RUB - A- DUB - DUB-, THANKS FOR THE GRUB, YEAH GOD."
14. NEXT SUNDAY THERE WILL BE A TAFFY-PULLING CONTEST AT St. peter's not a peter-pulling contest at st. taffy's