the cucumber incident....

alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they make love n the dark. hoping to free him of his
inhibitions, she flipped on her reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find a cucumber n his hand.
"is this", she asked, pointing to the vegetable, "what u've been using on me for the last 5 years?"
"honey, let me explain..."
"y, u sneaky bastard!" she screamed. "u impotent son of a -"
"speaking of sneaky," her husband interjected, "maybe u'd
like to explain our 3 kids."

a recently widowed jewish lady, called golda, was sitting on a
florida beach. she looked up and noticed that an elderly gentleman
had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby, and began
reading a book.

smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him.
"hello sir, "how are you?"
"fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"i love the beach. do you come here often?" she asked.
"first time since my wife passed away last year," he replied.
"do you live around here?" she asked.
"yes," he answered, continuing to read.
golda persisted. "do you like ***** cats?"

with that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto
hers, whipped off both their swimsuits, and gave her the most
passionate ride of her life. as the cloud of sand began to settle,
Golda gasped and asked the man, "how did you know that is what I
wanted?"

the man replied, "how did you know my name was katz?

as a young man, norton was an exceptional golfer. at the age of 26, however, he decided to become a priest, & joined a rather peculiar order. he took the usual vows of poverty, chastity, but his order also required that he quit golf & never play again. this was particularly difficult 4 norton, but he agreed & was finally ordained a priest.
1 sunday morning, the reverend father norton woke up & realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful & sunny early spring day, decided he just had 2 play golf.
so... he told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick & convinced him 2 say mass 4 him that day. as soon as the associate pastor left the room, father norton headed out of town to a golf course about 40 miles away. this way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet any1 he knew from his parish.
setting up on the 1st tee, he was alone. after all, it was Sunday morning & every1 else was n church! @ about this time, saint peter leaned over 2 the lord while looking down from the heavens & exclaimed, "u're not going to let him get away w this, r u?"
the lord sighed, & said, "no, i guess not." just then father norton hit the ball & it shot str8 towards the pole, dropping just short of it, rolled up & fell n2 the hole. it was a 420-yard hole n 1!
st. peter was astonished. he looked at the lord & asked, "y did u let him do that?"

the lord smiled & replied, "who is he going to tell?"

LOL Doc ... these are cute ... :)

... and you're very welcome

:heart:

Destee

childrens book titles that didn t catch on (4 som reason)

1. Yu r different & that's bad
2. the boy who died from eating all his vegetables
3. dad's new wife robert
4. fun 4-letter words 2 know & share
5. hammers, screwdrivers & scissors: an i-can-do-it book
6. the kids' guide 2 hitchhiking
7. kathy was so bad her mom stopped loving her
8. curious george & the hi-voltage fence
9. all cats go 2 hell
10. the little sissy who snitched
11. some kittens can fly.
12. that's it, i'm Putting u up 4 adoption
13. grandpa gets a casket
14. the magic world inside the abandoned refrigerator
15. garfield gets feline leukemia
16. the pop-up book of human anatomy
17. strangers hv the best candy
18. whining, kicking & crying 2 get ur way
19. Yu were an accident
20. things rich kids hv, but u never will
21. "pop! goes the hamster" ... & other great microwave games
22. the man n the moon Is actually satan
23. ur nightmares r real
24. where would u like 2 be buried?
25. eggs, toilet paper, & ur school
26. y can't Mr. fork & ms. electrical outlet b friends?
27. daddy drinks b/c u cry

Doc ... dontcha think each joke should have its own thread, instead of many in one thread?

:)

i m sure ur right. i trust ur experience & judgement n these matters implicitly (& the fact that u also liv n alabama)

sorry bout that. will do

ohhhhh no need to apologize ... no harm done at all ... I was just thinking that allowing each joke to stand on its own, allows the responses to it ... to be separated from the responses to other jokes ... all is well ... do it however you'd like Doc ... 'specially since you liv n alabama :)

:heart:

Destee

just what i needed a fat laugh !!
hahahahaha!!!

d@mn... triflin'!

Too funny!!! lol

More, Doc... more!

these are funny...LOL. I needed a pick-me-up. Thanks.:D

them pieces were funny as hell
that 2nd joint is a knee slapper

peace
khasm

lmao. ha!ha!ha!