This column is in response to those who don't 'think' that Black fathers are pulling their weight in the home. The reality may cause you to think!

WHEN WILL BLACK FATHERS BE ALLOWED PEACE?

The African American father of today is carrying a triple load.
First, a firm MAJORITY of us are working to support, provide, and raise our OWN families.

Second, a firm MAJORITY of us are helping to ‘mentor’ or ‘raise’ children from single parent homes.

Third, a firm MAJORITY of us are working IN and AROUND many of our local communities to help steer many of our young men AND young women away from the streets, and into responsible and upright living.

In my neck of the mighty Midwest, we have Black fathers who are patrolling the hallways of local high schools. We have Black fathers (along with Black mothers) who patrol one of our major shopping malls a few hours per weekend to keep OUR young people from running headlong into trouble with the law. We have other Black fathers working in their local houses of worship with young men in their congregations. We have other Black fathers working with youth who have been incarcerated, or jailed for crimes committed.

You won’t see many of us doing these things, because it is more important--in our view--to get the job done, rather than pose for the cameras, or appear on talk shows explaining why we do, what we do. But it SURE would be nice for many in our communities to take the time to remember that they have gotten where they are thanks to TWO people. A Black mother and a Black father.
Not only is this the truth, and not a ‘self-esteem’ lesson, but also this is REALITY.

But it SURE would be nice to find some peace, among our people, in many of our communities. I’ll be happy to explain why, in just a few lines.

SELF-ESTEEM MORE IMPORTANT THAN TRUTH?

African American men in general, and African American fathers in particular have been poked, prodded, studied, examined, and re-examined over the last 30 years by a host of sociologists, psychologists, MSWs, counselors, ‘Think Tanks’ (both Democrat and Republican), economists, feminists, multi-culturalists, diversity speakers and media pundits--of various races.

We’ve been ‘chewed on’ by our women (single and/or married), ‘gossiped about’ in various magazine publications, and ‘grilled’ by our youth.

But then--along comes Michael Jordan who honors his late father.

But then--along comes Tiger Woods who honors his father.

But then--along comes the Williams sisters who honor their father.

And ALL the critics can find is that the soft, fuzzy, feel good ‘self-esteem rhetoric’ has been firmly replaced by the truth of a strong WORK ethic! The critics find that there are SOME--if not MANY--Black fathers who still believe: “If you WANT something, you have to WORK for it--and self-esteem DOES NOT pay bills, win scholarships, or championships!”

Yes, say what you want about the problems that may plague our communities. However, many of the problems can be traced to three things: Rebellion, Compromise, and a lack of listening to one’s father!

Yes, the feminized mainstream entertainment and media may portray that ‘Father DON’T Know Best’, but the truth is right in front of many of us. Dad is pretty wise, as he’s come through the battles of life and helped put YOU here!

A GRIM REALITY:

If I may get biblical for a moment, one of the Ten Commandments holds that we are to honor BOTH our father and mother, so that our lives may be long upon this earth.
To make it short and sweet, we can’t honor one OR the other, we have to honor BOTH! Not because it is ‘politically correct’, but because it is RIGHT!

I’ve noticed over this past summer the flurry of articles about why young men are not entering nor graduating from many of our colleges and universities as fast as young women. Could it be that they don’t want to go where they are NOT wanted? I’ve also read a few articles on why young men are not ‘anxious’ to get married and raise families.

Could it be that many young women are fearful of commitment?
Among the brotherhood, it is common knowledge that more than a few young men have had the ring, the preacher, and the rice ready--but the young women wanted to ‘find themselves’ and nixed the idea of marriage.

Then, to round out my summer, I read several articles and commentaries about what fathers ‘should’ be doing, or are ‘not’ doing, or ‘can’t’ do. Well, unless one has taken a good look at what fathers ARE doing, could it be that the critics don’t want to see?
The grim reality of many an ‘expert’ is that they often comment without doing their homework. If they have an ax to grind about their own upbringing, why try to paint ALL fathers with the same brush, just because THEIR father wasn’t perfect.

WOULDN’T TRADE A THING:

In truth, there are NO perfect earthly fathers or mothers. Our parents were not perfect, and neither were their parents.
Confidentially, society--no matter how it may try to ‘spin’ itself--is not perfect as well! But, African American fathers are NOT the problem; they are part of the solution!

America has found out the hard way that famed saying of T. D. Jakes: “A nation of women can not raise up a nation of men!” That became clear on September 11th, 2001 as the nation watched scores of Black and White men--many of them fathers--rush into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon to save lives. Or the Black and White men--many of them fathers--who took on various hijackers on those planes that missed their intended targets.

Those fathers deserve to have peace.

So do the REST of us.

As a father, I’ve had my share of heartaches and headaches, but I wouldn’t trade one of them to be a ‘wise’ critic of fatherhood. To those who like to criticize, but don’t have kids of their own, here’s a novel suggestion: Put aside your selfishness and ‘self-esteem’, get married, and have some kids of your own!

Then, you will understand what I’ve been writing about.

Then, you will understand what your OWN fathers have tried to tell YOU!

Mike Ramey is the author of THE MANHOOD LINE. A syndicated, monthly column, written from a biblical, business, and common sense perspective. Email welcome to manhood line@yahoo.com. ©2002 Mike Ramey/Barnstorm Communications International (3).

in total agreement Mike u hit a masterful piece of reality here
a billboard showcase a talk show host
man ya so right here i'm jumpin and saying Amen
somebody finally bringing da truth out........Thanks my two sons
had to read this ....... speaketh as u feel brutha coz ya words
alive and real ......(( I HEAR YA ) loud and clear

Now, all we got to do is pass it on!

Print it off so some of their friends can see it. Get the discussion started! Your sons are going to be the NEXT generation of Black Fathers on the horizon. They've got to learn about Black manhood NOW, because the feminized, mainstream forces of this world are going to try to make Punks out of them.

Keep the faith, man. Sounds like you've got two great future warriors there in the Windy City.

Mike Ramey

Mike ya right because i've seen the down side of it
that's making a mad destructional bliss in da man hood
of the furture Kingz , study show this transaction forming
to a ball of creation indeed this need to be pass on in ever
household that bare a male most def i'll be pushing trying
to teach and show what a true man is how a true man stand
thanks 4 this very much needed info...

Well thought out...well articulated...well said! This is an excellent message. I don't know where brother Ramey went, but I wish he would return to give his wisdom to Destee.com!

That's deep.

Mike

I concur with the others....

Although I disagree with the METHOD and REASONING most bruthaz use in having and taking care of their children....most of them are atleast making an attempt to make things work.

Actually I see just as many black fathers with their children as white fathers with theirs.


Three things I see that disturb me:

1. I don't like how so many bruthaz are having children out of wed lock

2. I don't like how so many bruthaz are separted or on bad terms with the mothers of thier children.

3. I don't like how so many bruthaz have/make children without first planning on how they will take care of them and provide financial support for them and the mother.


So yes, most of them have their heart in the right place, but are un disciplined and organized...so the damage is still being done.

Mike

I concur with the others....

Although I disagree with the METHOD and REASONING most bruthaz use in having and taking care of their children....most of them are atleast making an attempt to make things work.

Actually I see just as many black fathers with their children as white fathers with theirs.


Three things I see that disturb me:

1. I don't like how so many bruthaz are having children out of wed lock

2. I don't like how so many bruthaz are separted or on bad terms with the mothers of thier children.

3. I don't like how so many bruthaz have/make children without first planning on how they will take care of them and provide financial support for them and the mother.


So yes, most of them have their heart in the right place, but are un disciplined and organized...so the damage is still being done.


Ralfa'li, true dis! I don't think most African American men know what being a father is all about, as so many of our children(males and females) grow up without dad...

This thing has bothered me for more than 25 years... It has torn our communities to shreds, and all the while we have African people saying that FATHERS AREN"T NECESSARY... One of these persons is one of my, and the world's, favorite and most celebrated writers, Ms. Toni Morrison, whom on more than one Oprah Show, I've heard say, that babies born outta wedlock is alright as long as the family support system is strong.... Bull doo doo!

Is the Family Support all Female??? That aint no family - unless family is defined as mama and her 5 lil chillun... That's a confused people who think a man is not necessary to the family... and I must say that it is a confused man who grows up without the guidance of a man and father... That is why so many of our young brothers are so angry and resentful and distrustful of the older generation of Black Men - and women for that matter...

O.K., end of my rant...

Peace!
Isaiah

Isaiah

Repect



The reason why so many people are casualy saying that "fathers aren't necessary" is because we have a massive government that not only protects but provides for many of our women and the children we produce with them.

When it comes to provision....they don't rely on thier men...

They rely on the goverment for jobs, social benefits, health care.


When it come for protection....they don't rely on thier men anymore...

They rely on the police, the sheriffs, the judges, lawyers to keep order, protect them, and get retribution.


So they figure that men aren't "needed" anymore.

They may want a man every now and then for entertainment or sexual pleasure, but men aren't needed in their lives anymore...not even as fathers.



You're right about so many young bruthaz growing up angry, hateful, and resentful.

Most young bruthaz grew up without a father in the home..or atleast an abusive one.

The only person who ever did for them was "mamma" so they only trust and respect women.

They still harbor that hate and resentment towards that man who abandoned them and every black man they see on the street sub-concioiusly reminds them of the father that was never there.

This is why so many of our young bruthaz wouldn't think twice about snatching out a gun and killing that person who represents "daddy".

The reason why so many people are casualy saying that "fathers aren't necessary" is because we have a massive government that not only protects but provides for many of our women and the children we produce with them. When it comes to provision....they don't rely on thier men...They rely on the goverment for jobs, social benefits, health care.
When it come for protection....they don't rely on thier men anymore...
They rely on the police, the sheriffs, the judges, lawyers to keep order, protect them, and get retribution. So they figure that men aren't "needed" anymore. They may want a man every now and then for entertainment or sexual pleasure, but men aren't needed in their lives anymore...not even as fathers.

This is all true, but this didn't happen over night. All these social patterns, and change in the family structure of the African American community was literally decades in the making. However too many of us have been slow to react to it.

Ralfa'li, true dis! I don't think most African American men know what being a father is all about, as so many of our children(males and females) grow up without dad...

This thing has bothered me for more than 25 years... It has torn our communities to shreds, and all the while we have African people saying that FATHERS AREN"T NECESSARY... One of these persons is one of my, and the world's, favorite and most celebrated writers, Ms. Toni Morrison, whom on more than one Oprah Show, I've heard say, that babies born outta wedlock is alright as long as the family support system is strong.... Bull doo doo!

Is the Family Support all Female??? That aint no family - unless family is defined as mama and her 5 lil chillun... That's a confused people who think a man is not necessary to the family... and I must say that it is a confused man who grows up without the guidance of a man and father... That is why so many of our young brothers are so angry and resentful and distrustful of the older generation of Black Men - and women for that matter...

Brother Isaiah:

It is obvious that people who grew up without a father would not realize the importance of having a father. This attitude will become even more prevelant from generation to generation. Currently we have families who had gone through 3 or 4 generations without having a father present. Another pattern that is increasing which many in our community don't want to address is that many children are being raised by grandparents. In other words an increasing amount of mothers in our community are abandoning their children as well. I remember an example about 5 years ago when I was working for a Child Study Team in Baltimore. We had a IEP meeting for a 10 year old boy. His 65 year old great grandmother came as his guardian. This lady spoke to us about how "tired" she was of taking care of all these kids. Her children left their kids with her...her grandchildren left their kids with her. I could see this little boy having children himself in about 5 or 6 years (which is now), and also leaving them for great-grandmom to take care of. We have dysfunctional values being passed down from generation to generation in our community, and too many of us don't want to do anything to change it!

Isaiah

Repect



The reason why so many people are casualy saying that "fathers aren't necessary" is because we have a massive government that not only protects but provides for many of our women and the children we produce with them.

When it comes to provision....they don't rely on thier men...

They rely on the goverment for jobs, social benefits, health care.


When it come for protection....they don't rely on thier men anymore...

They rely on the police, the sheriffs, the judges, lawyers to keep order, protect them, and get retribution.


So they figure that men aren't "needed" anymore.

They may want a man every now and then for entertainment or sexual pleasure, but men aren't needed in their lives anymore...not even as fathers.



You're right about so many young bruthaz growing up angry, hateful, and resentful.

Most young bruthaz grew up without a father in the home..or atleast an abusive one.

The only person who ever did for them was "mamma" so they only trust and respect women.

They still harbor that hate and resentment towards that man who abandoned them and every black man they see on the street sub-concioiusly reminds them of the father that was never there.

This is why so many of our young bruthaz wouldn't think twice about snatching out a gun and killing that person who represents "daddy".

Yes, brother, those are the very sad facts of Black Life in the 20th Century... It's sorta like those African Governments accepting those IMF Loans following independence... They felt, like we did toward Welfare, that they had a little money somethin' somethin' to play around with for the first time... Didn't realize white man aint givin' up no dollar bill y'all lessn there's strangs attached...

That interfered with our internal process altogether - devastated Black Communities worse than CRACK, I think... When I was a young boy I couldn't bring anything into my house that moms and pops didn't sign off on... If they found that I had, I had some explaining to do, and the explanation better be good...

No Father in the home, and mother raising 5 and 6 children by her lonesome meant the loss of control of many of those children... They could bring drugs and the gun into the house, and ill-gotten drug profits, and mama didn't even know the half...in some cases she didn't even care, and in others, she looked the other way if she was gettin' paid...

The other side of the welfare issue is that Black Men made the choice of attempting to mack off the little income Black Women got from the Gov't... Many of us didn't compute that working hard for YOUR OWN is wiser and more fulfilling than schemin' and scufflin' after a sister's aid to dependent children check like a macaroni and cheese pimp... Just saying that to say that Brothers played their part in allowing the Government to take over our families, too... Can't get a job, then make one as your ancestors did, and have done... Those choices these cats made have left us a legacy of destructive devastation...

Peace!
Isaiah

Isaiah

Respect

Many of us didn't compute that working hard for YOUR OWN is wiser and more fulfilling than schemin' and scufflin' after a sister's aid to dependent children check like a macaroni and cheese pimp... Just saying that to say that Brothers played their part in allowing the Government to take over our families, too... Can't get a job, then make one as your ancestors did, and have done... Those choices these cats made have left us a legacy of destructive devastation...

I couldn't have agreed with this more even if it had came form my own mouth.

Whatever happens in our community, the ultimate responsibility lies with us as black men.

Too many of us would rather beg for a job than start one of our own.

We too often beg for acceptance in a society rather than trying to make one of our own so that perhaps we'd get to the point where others would beg for OUR acceptance.

Great commentary Brother Ramey. The facts don't always speak for themself. :wink:

This is deep Brother Preach On The Reality Is in Your Words

Isaiah

Respect



Whatever happens in our community, the ultimate responsibility lies with us as black men.

Too many of us would rather beg for a job than start one of our own.

We too often beg for acceptance in a society rather than trying to make one of our own so that perhaps we'd get to the point where others would beg for OUR acceptance.


****, can I quote someone banished from our midsts???? Yep, sho nuff!
Peace!
Isaiah

Brother Isaiah:

It is obvious that people who grew up without a father would not realize the importance of having a father. This attitude will become even more prevelant from generation to generation. Currently we have families who had gone through 3 or 4 generations without having a father present. Another pattern that is increasing which many in our community don't want to address is that many children are being raised by grandparents. In other words an increasing amount of mothers in our community are abandoning their children as well. I remember an example about 5 years ago when I was working for a Child Study Team in Baltimore. We had a IEP meeting for a 10 year old boy. His 65 year old great grandmother came as his guardian. This lady spoke to us about how "tired" she was of taking care of all these kids. Her children left their kids with her...her grandchildren left their kids with her. I could see this little boy having children himself in about 5 or 6 years (which is now), and also leaving them for great-grandmom to take care of. We have dysfunctional values being passed down from generation to generation in our community, and too many of us don't want to do anything to change it!

Hey, brother Pan, this escaped me long ago, but it's on point... It goes back to the thread by sister Cursed Heart regarding Maturity of Black Men... Wherever the parental emphasis lies in a family, that is the direction in which a child will go...

I am beginning to see the universe as applied science, man... It's like Chemistry and Physics, which are governed by laws... Stuff don't happen by chance, or a roll of the dice... The dice only rolls when we roll it, and the wheel spins on account of us spinning it... Parents who expect their children to fail, will give them a plan to fail that will not fail... Same with those who expect the children to succeed in school, or get married, or own a business...

Y'all don't believe that there are parents out here who actually believe their children will go to jail in their lifetimes, and actually hand them the road map for their excursion??? Oh, yessss, because that stuff don't happen by accident...


Peace!
Isaiah


Peace!
Isaiah

This column is in response to those who don't 'think' that Black fathers are pulling their weight in the home. The reality may cause you to think!

WHEN WILL BLACK FATHERS BE ALLOWED PEACE?

The African American father of today is carrying a triple load.
First, a firm MAJORITY of us are working to support, provide, and raise our OWN families.

Second, a firm MAJORITY of us are helping to ‘mentor’ or ‘raise’ children from single parent homes.

Third, a firm MAJORITY of us are working IN and AROUND many of our local communities to help steer many of our young men AND young women away from the streets, and into responsible and upright living.

In my neck of the mighty Midwest, we have Black fathers who are patrolling the hallways of local high schools. We have Black fathers (along with Black mothers) who patrol one of our major shopping malls a few hours per weekend to keep OUR young people from running headlong into trouble with the law. We have other Black fathers working in their local houses of worship with young men in their congregations. We have other Black fathers working with youth who have been incarcerated, or jailed for crimes committed.

You won’t see many of us doing these things, because it is more important--in our view--to get the job done, rather than pose for the cameras, or appear on talk shows explaining why we do, what we do. But it SURE would be nice for many in our communities to take the time to remember that they have gotten where they are thanks to TWO people. A Black mother and a Black father.
Not only is this the truth, and not a ‘self-esteem’ lesson, but also this is REALITY.

But it SURE would be nice to find some peace, among our people, in many of our communities. I’ll be happy to explain why, in just a few lines.

SELF-ESTEEM MORE IMPORTANT THAN TRUTH?

African American men in general, and African American fathers in particular have been poked, prodded, studied, examined, and re-examined over the last 30 years by a host of sociologists, psychologists, MSWs, counselors, ‘Think Tanks’ (both Democrat and Republican), economists, feminists, multi-culturalists, diversity speakers and media pundits--of various races.

We’ve been ‘chewed on’ by our women (single and/or married), ‘gossiped about’ in various magazine publications, and ‘grilled’ by our youth.

But then--along comes Michael Jordan who honors his late father.

But then--along comes Tiger Woods who honors his father.

But then--along comes the Williams sisters who honor their father.

And ALL the critics can find is that the soft, fuzzy, feel good ‘self-esteem rhetoric’ has been firmly replaced by the truth of a strong WORK ethic! The critics find that there are SOME--if not MANY--Black fathers who still believe: “If you WANT something, you have to WORK for it--and self-esteem DOES NOT pay bills, win scholarships, or championships!”

Yes, say what you want about the problems that may plague our communities. However, many of the problems can be traced to three things: Rebellion, Compromise, and a lack of listening to one’s father!

Yes, the feminized mainstream entertainment and media may portray that ‘Father DON’T Know Best’, but the truth is right in front of many of us. Dad is pretty wise, as he’s come through the battles of life and helped put YOU here!

A GRIM REALITY:

If I may get biblical for a moment, one of the Ten Commandments holds that we are to honor BOTH our father and mother, so that our lives may be long upon this earth.
To make it short and sweet, we can’t honor one OR the other, we have to honor BOTH! Not because it is ‘politically correct’, but because it is RIGHT!

I’ve noticed over this past summer the flurry of articles about why young men are not entering nor graduating from many of our colleges and universities as fast as young women. Could it be that they don’t want to go where they are NOT wanted? I’ve also read a few articles on why young men are not ‘anxious’ to get married and raise families.

Could it be that many young women are fearful of commitment?
Among the brotherhood, it is common knowledge that more than a few young men have had the ring, the preacher, and the rice ready--but the young women wanted to ‘find themselves’ and nixed the idea of marriage.

Then, to round out my summer, I read several articles and commentaries about what fathers ‘should’ be doing, or are ‘not’ doing, or ‘can’t’ do. Well, unless one has taken a good look at what fathers ARE doing, could it be that the critics don’t want to see?
The grim reality of many an ‘expert’ is that they often comment without doing their homework. If they have an ax to grind about their own upbringing, why try to paint ALL fathers with the same brush, just because THEIR father wasn’t perfect.

WOULDN’T TRADE A THING:

In truth, there are NO perfect earthly fathers or mothers. Our parents were not perfect, and neither were their parents.
Confidentially, society--no matter how it may try to ‘spin’ itself--is not perfect as well! But, African American fathers are NOT the problem; they are part of the solution!

America has found out the hard way that famed saying of T. D. Jakes: “A nation of women can not raise up a nation of men!” That became clear on September 11th, 2001 as the nation watched scores of Black and White men--many of them fathers--rush into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon to save lives. Or the Black and White men--many of them fathers--who took on various hijackers on those planes that missed their intended targets.

Those fathers deserve to have peace.

So do the REST of us.

As a father, I’ve had my share of heartaches and headaches, but I wouldn’t trade one of them to be a ‘wise’ critic of fatherhood. To those who like to criticize, but don’t have kids of their own, here’s a novel suggestion: Put aside your selfishness and ‘self-esteem’, get married, and have some kids of your own!

Then, you will understand what I’ve been writing about.

Then, you will understand what your OWN fathers have tried to tell YOU!

Mike Ramey is the author of THE MANHOOD LINE. A syndicated, monthly column, written from a biblical, business, and common sense perspective. Email welcome to manhood line@yahoo.com. ©2002 Mike Ramey/Barnstorm Communications International (3).


Thanx for the props.

This column is in response to those who don't 'think' that Black fathers are pulling their weight in the home. The reality may cause you to think!

WHEN WILL BLACK FATHERS BE ALLOWED PEACE?

The African American father of today is carrying a triple load.
First, a firm MAJORITY of us are working to support, provide, and raise our OWN families.

Second, a firm MAJORITY of us are helping to ‘mentor’ or ‘raise’ children from single parent homes.

Third, a firm MAJORITY of us are working IN and AROUND many of our local communities to help steer many of our young men AND young women away from the streets, and into responsible and upright living.

In my neck of the mighty Midwest, we have Black fathers who are patrolling the hallways of local high schools. We have Black fathers (along with Black mothers) who patrol one of our major shopping malls a few hours per weekend to keep OUR young people from running headlong into trouble with the law. We have other Black fathers working in their local houses of worship with young men in their congregations. We have other Black fathers working with youth who have been incarcerated, or jailed for crimes committed.

You won’t see many of us doing these things, because it is more important--in our view--to get the job done, rather than pose for the cameras, or appear on talk shows explaining why we do, what we do. But it SURE would be nice for many in our communities to take the time to remember that they have gotten where they are thanks to TWO people. A Black mother and a Black father.
Not only is this the truth, and not a ‘self-esteem’ lesson, but also this is REALITY.

But it SURE would be nice to find some peace, among our people, in many of our communities. I’ll be happy to explain why, in just a few lines.

SELF-ESTEEM MORE IMPORTANT THAN TRUTH?

African American men in general, and African American fathers in particular have been poked, prodded, studied, examined, and re-examined over the last 30 years by a host of sociologists, psychologists, MSWs, counselors, ‘Think Tanks’ (both Democrat and Republican), economists, feminists, multi-culturalists, diversity speakers and media pundits--of various races.

We’ve been ‘chewed on’ by our women (single and/or married), ‘gossiped about’ in various magazine publications, and ‘grilled’ by our youth.

But then--along comes Michael Jordan who honors his late father.

But then--along comes Tiger Woods who honors his father.

But then--along comes the Williams sisters who honor their father.

And ALL the critics can find is that the soft, fuzzy, feel good ‘self-esteem rhetoric’ has been firmly replaced by the truth of a strong WORK ethic! The critics find that there are SOME--if not MANY--Black fathers who still believe: “If you WANT something, you have to WORK for it--and self-esteem DOES NOT pay bills, win scholarships, or championships!”

Yes, say what you want about the problems that may plague our communities. However, many of the problems can be traced to three things: Rebellion, Compromise, and a lack of listening to one’s father!

Yes, the feminized mainstream entertainment and media may portray that ‘Father DON’T Know Best’, but the truth is right in front of many of us. Dad is pretty wise, as he’s come through the battles of life and helped put YOU here!

A GRIM REALITY:

If I may get biblical for a moment, one of the Ten Commandments holds that we are to honor BOTH our father and mother, so that our lives may be long upon this earth.
To make it short and sweet, we can’t honor one OR the other, we have to honor BOTH! Not because it is ‘politically correct’, but because it is RIGHT!

I’ve noticed over this past summer the flurry of articles about why young men are not entering nor graduating from many of our colleges and universities as fast as young women. Could it be that they don’t want to go where they are NOT wanted? I’ve also read a few articles on why young men are not ‘anxious’ to get married and raise families.

Could it be that many young women are fearful of commitment?
Among the brotherhood, it is common knowledge that more than a few young men have had the ring, the preacher, and the rice ready--but the young women wanted to ‘find themselves’ and nixed the idea of marriage.

Then, to round out my summer, I read several articles and commentaries about what fathers ‘should’ be doing, or are ‘not’ doing, or ‘can’t’ do. Well, unless one has taken a good look at what fathers ARE doing, could it be that the critics don’t want to see?
The grim reality of many an ‘expert’ is that they often comment without doing their homework. If they have an ax to grind about their own upbringing, why try to paint ALL fathers with the same brush, just because THEIR father wasn’t perfect.

WOULDN’T TRADE A THING:

In truth, there are NO perfect earthly fathers or mothers. Our parents were not perfect, and neither were their parents.
Confidentially, society--no matter how it may try to ‘spin’ itself--is not perfect as well! But, African American fathers are NOT the problem; they are part of the solution!

America has found out the hard way that famed saying of T. D. Jakes: “A nation of women can not raise up a nation of men!” That became clear on September 11th, 2001 as the nation watched scores of Black and White men--many of them fathers--rush into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon to save lives. Or the Black and White men--many of them fathers--who took on various hijackers on those planes that missed their intended targets.

Those fathers deserve to have peace.

So do the REST of us.

As a father, I’ve had my share of heartaches and headaches, but I wouldn’t trade one of them to be a ‘wise’ critic of fatherhood. To those who like to criticize, but don’t have kids of their own, here’s a novel suggestion: Put aside your selfishness and ‘self-esteem’, get married, and have some kids of your own!

Then, you will understand what I’ve been writing about.

Then, you will understand what your OWN fathers have tried to tell YOU!

Mike Ramey is the author of THE MANHOOD LINE. A syndicated, monthly column, written from a biblical, business, and common sense perspective. Email welcome to manhood line@yahoo.com. ©2002 Mike Ramey/Barnstorm Communications International (3).

I have an Elder-Uncle who was in Texas last week, getting His house ready as He also is relocating from California. We were sharing some moments we had with my Dad who passed 16 years ago. I was telling my Uncle how there were things that Dad told me, in His infinite Wisdom, that I am just now figuring out what He was talking about.

"Then, you will understand what your OWN fathers have tried to tell YOU!"

Yeah, so true. I still feel my Dad's presence and have started meditating more to commune with His Spirit.

I was one of the last family members to spend time with Dad the weekend He passed and we talked about some problems we had over the years and I told Him how I had NO REGRETS because I learned from good times and the bad so we were at PEACE in those Last Days.

I feel very fortunate to have had such a positive relationship to my Dad (who once told me I never wanna hear you call me Father!) at times I just wish that He was still here to advise me on how to be a better Dad myself.

Brother Isaiah:

It is obvious that people who grew up without a father would not realize the importance of having a father. This attitude will become even more prevelant from generation to generation. Currently we have families who had gone through 3 or 4 generations without having a father present. Another pattern that is increasing which many in our community don't want to address is that many children are being raised by grandparents. In other words an increasing amount of mothers in our community are abandoning their children as well. I remember an example about 5 years ago when I was working for a Child Study Team in Baltimore. We had a IEP meeting for a 10 year old boy. His 65 year old great grandmother came as his guardian. This lady spoke to us about how "tired" she was of taking care of all these kids. Her children left their kids with her...her grandchildren left their kids with her. I could see this little boy having children himself in about 5 or 6 years (which is now), and also leaving them for great-grandmom to take care of. We have dysfunctional values being passed down from generation to generation in our community, and too many of us don't want to do anything to change it!


Yeah....this was one of the most distressing facts that I had to deal with, especially when I taught a Learning Handicapped class.

Hey, brother Pan, this escaped me long ago, but it's on point... It goes back to the thread by sister Cursed Heart regarding Maturity of Black Men... Wherever the parental emphasis lies in a family, that is the direction in which a child will go...

I am beginning to see the universe as applied science, man... It's like Chemistry and Physics, which are governed by laws... Stuff don't happen by chance, or a roll of the dice... The dice only rolls when we roll it, and the wheel spins on account of us spinning it... Parents who expect their children to fail, will give them a plan to fail that will not fail... Same with those who expect the children to succeed in school, or get married, or own a business...

Y'all don't believe that there are parents out here who actually believe their children will go to jail in their lifetimes, and actually hand them the road map for their excursion??? Oh, yessss, because that stuff don't happen by accident...


Peace!
Isaiah


Peace!
Isaiah



The rapping of the black man. When we are inslaved the first thing that had to happen was the seperation of the father from our family. There were alot of the situations in which the father had to removed from the family structure in order to break the will of the father as well as the family. In alot of cases we were breed like cattle and sold upon maturity or our fathers were sold before we were born. over the course of a couple hundred years it is a mere miracle that we were able to reassume some sort of family structure within our own communities because we have all lost touch with our original familes during the trade of our ancestors. One that this is factual about hu-mans or animals or most living enities is that it can be trained. some call it learned behavoir. When means by a system of witnessing or practing a consitent action in motion the living entity begins to repeat said action of moition as if it was involuntary. however the implant of acceptance and duplication of behavior or said action is voluntary. Which is why some men go against the stero typic reality of black men and go against the grain and be good fathers. We have learned in slavery that we must look at everything materialistic thing we receive is to be treated and desired with the most repect and loved. We know place this love above human life and we express this love every day. Televison programming provides us with some thing new to love everyday. In this day and time until of all our people choose another reality for themselves they will continue to accept the one we were given. Like the excellent DR?sholar krs one stated"loves gonna get u,gonna get u" We love money more than a family.