if u had a dear friend who just kicked up a relationship wit u
and the two of u made compassionate love and a week later
he or she tells u it was nothing but a heat of passion and dat's
it so back off how would u feel.....:confused:

I know a few who feels cheated yet confused left wondering
why it had to happen anyway . if dis happen to you what
would u say to them and can ya friendship continue after
a relationship of a hot lustful notion !!????:confused:

i might very well feel all of the above hurt, confused, loss of friendship & cheated out of relationship on a different level. but there r sooooooo many variables 2 this possible scenario.

" if u had a dear friend who just kicked up a relationship wit u
and the two of u made compassionate love"

1stly, f she truly is a 'dear friend', it would not b possible 4 her 2 just kick up a relationship, b/c we re already n a relationship. we re dear friends. i value my friends just as much, & sometimes more, than my luv interests. (they frequently treat me better & last longer too) 2nd. its not like i m an innocent bystander n this. last i checked, it takes 2 to tango, so, my cooperation was needed at some point. corny as it may sound, any1 i b/c romantically involved w, at this stage of my life (i.e. older) started out as a friend first 4 sure, so it is only from my friends that i attempt any romance anyway.

mayb i m wrong, but i m thinking that both of us knew, b4 the actual luvmaking, that we were feelin something other than strict friendship. so, f 1 or both os us just got 'all hot & bothered' momentarily, & just said, hell w it, lets do it, f we r both around the same age & approximate level of maturity, we r both equally responsible 4 the consequences. i think the real problem comes when 1 feels that this changes everything & they wish 4 it 2 continue on this new, more physical plane, & the other feels that it changes nothing, or, its more like, well, i always wondered what _________ would b like n the sack, now i know.

there is also the matter of just what the depth and length of friendship we had prior 2 the sex. n the case of some1 i d known 4 well over a decade, & been especially close to, i would expect our friendship could survive such an encounter, no matter which way it turned out. of course, i m saying all this theoretically, i ve never had it happen. i couldn t really answer the poll b/c i couldn t decide which emotion i d b feeling the strongest & b/c it would depend on the variables i mentioned & i think, many more.

Thankz Dr.Parker indeed u r on track and correct
yet even as the two feel this bliss i've seen so many
friendships crash on the grounds of misunderstanding
as feeling fly east & west surely i agree with u that to
start a relationship u must become friends but their was
a few i know that was only friends for ova 20 years and
like that one day one thing lead to another and it happen
but one side walked away with no resound reason and
asked that their be no longer any ties as friends this was
very confusing and surely a hurted soul but why!?
was it that she was to ashame of what happen ?
hummm!!!
u have some great points here
i guess will never know til it slap us in the face
as true friends u can mix things up and still be
as it always was da love is tops as friends even
if the two had sex or a mini relationship
i feel most walk away due to shameful acts .

i had to say lost a friendship only because i know me and i'd be the one running for the hills...especially if it was in the heat of the moment and afterwards that person attached themselves to me as if suddenly after sex we'd become an intimate couple (god that sounds jacked up don't it??..lol). i've had something close to that happen...i didn't allow it to go as far as it could of, but even so i really didn't want to be around him for a period of time. is that fair? no...i don't believe so, but i felt very uncomfortable. and even after stating that i value our friendship too much as it is to delve into another area of emotions with him and listed the reasons why, he continued to push (or attempt to anyway...)so Li performed a disappearing act. we're trying to mend fences now...but i'm still a little leary of his intentions at the moment.

indeed it's hard to face da friendship that transformed into a
relationship and da sex thing in a heat of da moment would be
messed up and after that one runs away like it was an shameful
act not many get deep as they treasures the friendship in the first
place

i agree in theory...some people tend to be somewhat possessive even when the situation doesn't garner it...

yes but sometime things turn in a form of passion and
they do see eye 2 eye and then after a heated come on
i've seen it happen and friendship split up coz the facts
is they can't face each other from what happen
now is it a mind game ????

i don't think that it's a mind game...not between the two anyway. i see how it has the potential to be a difficult situation for some and no big thang for others. in all honesty whether it's fair or not, i blamed the other person for attempting to take advantage of a situation of which he was well aware of...i considered him to be a very, very good friend of mine and intrusted him with some information which included feelings that i was having (which had nothing to do with him). i do realize the role that i played...but hey...what can i say? i do see both sides of the equation.

Thankz again u have open up some doors so i can see whats
out their before me .......yes i too have a dear friend and indeed
the impact of it all has it's notions we share personal feelings
but we also know theirs a stopping point
bu in the heat of the moment can ya passion be controled ??

:nono:

The poll does not seem to be working, but I wanted to vote "loss of friendship", for none of the other options would apply. Actually, not even the loss of friendship option would apply, because I would not personally place myself in such a position.

It seems to me that there is a tendency among many (if not most) people to gamble with their self-respect, reputation and emotional health (if not medical health) in the name of winning a few moments of physical pleasure. I would submit that this is excusable behavior among young, immature, misguided youth, but I cannot extend that excuse to anyone of adult years, who should know better. Sexual intercourse does not "just happen" among mature, intelligent adults. And whenever intercourse among mature, intelligent adults occurs outside the context of a committed relationship--where the two parties hopefully hold pre-intercourse discussions that establish where they both stand--it is with the understanding that they are mutually USING one another for purely instant gratification purposes.

So to say that I should feel confused or hurt or cheated would be to ignore the fact that I should be responsible enough for my own actions and role in more or less inviting such victimization. Bottom line: people (especially in the Ebony community) MUST STOP being sexually irresponsible, MUST STOP being unaccountable for their irresponsible sexual behavior, and MUST STOP sexually abusing one another. Because sexual relations outside the context of a committed relationship is nothing more, nothing less, than sexual abuse, whether mutual or not. Unless it can be categorized as rape however, there really are no victims, but essentially two sadists, a sadist and masochist or sadomasochistic role-playing.

Nia indeed u hit it on the head
i so agree we must control of lust
in a heated moment to not be labled
such foolished sexual cast as a misfit
friends r friends
lover to be lovers
Thanks 4 da read & reply

i would feel all the things you could fill in in the list
because what people dont understand...the momant you become intemate............you become intimete......nether a friend or lets just say some one who loves you would not do that to you

I agree Thanks for you view on it !

I am really cautious when it comes to sex with friends because sex can complicate things. One person may be thinking that this was the beginning of something while the other just sees it as sex. Now you are messing with a person's feelings and she may get hurt and the friendship could come to an end now. Sometimes you just have to say no.

yes indeed we have to see beyond the lust
and understand true friendship the heart of a true
friend will never bend so low
NO ! is correct
never will i cross ova and lust for my friend
Thank u for your wordz & wisdom Nfant

Dear friends don't cross the line. Some people pretend to be your friend to get the sex eventually...some even wait for years.

You have to weed out the true friends from "I'll wait for a weak moment" person.

yes Regina ya ever so right their are many who awaits
a prey a solo target for such sexual acts
friendz must be weaved out coz yes within years they will
strike with a lustful hope if one be of weakness
they shell be a perfect prey!

I've been friendz with a young lady for ova 17 years
we been through thingz and when she was weak never did i
attack like a lustful madman

yes at one point when we shared a beautiful day together
she softly kiss me on the cheek to thank me for a sweet day
but never has we cross our friendship with a one night of
passion no matter who burn & yearn
I respect her and all my Queenz whom are my friend

Thanks for ya wordz of wisdom & knowledge !

:o IF HE TOLD ME HE WANTED A RELATIONSHIP, LIKE "LOVE" RELATIONSHIP WITH ME, THEN JUMPED CAMP AFTER WE HAD SEX, YAH I'D BE PISSED, CUZ THEN U LIED TO ME AND BY BEING GREAT FRIENDS THAT'S SOMETHING U DON'T EXPECT. I PROBABLY WOULD END THE FRIENDSHIP, AFTER SMAKIN HIM.:rolleyes:

but as great close friends this shouldn't take place anyway
so many get confused with the fact of friendship & soulmates
it should feel real funny within to go this way
to love a friend is a partner who respects
to romance a friend is a myth of self destruction
due to the nature of what they might become as
emotional feeling flair up !
friendship is a pair of hearts that goes out and reach within
also comfort but not to a point of lust

I would definitely feel first hurt, then confused and cheated. To make love to a dear friend would be sacred to me. I would cherish that moment and not treat it as a trifling matter even if it did only happen once. How can it just be a heat session when two people who are so close make passionate love? It's not that simple. Any friend that would treat such a moment that way is confused their selves, and might be masking deeper feelings. I have been in this situation before, and never have I treated such a situation lightly. You should be able to be honest with your friend afterward even though awkward moments may ensue. If they were your best friend before, you should be even closer now. The worst thing for two friends to do after making love is to shut down communication between each other, and go into denial. If you think you will risk your friendship by making love, then you better think twice before hopping heatedly into the sack! Shattered emotions and confidence in one another afterward is not worth a quality friendship going down the drain!

indeed Legacy i feel u deeply and respect the facts
also i've seen where one was deeper then the other
to where he/she would continue on in life as friendz
as the other see it as more where their was a break down
or even madness ended a friendship after relations
now i think it can happen where friendz so close and share
a compassionate moment together has gone on as friendz
but sometime the weakest one of da two can feel used
it's best that hittin' da sack shouldn't happen a true friend
wouldn't force this mask upon a friend , we truely should
think and look deep before such act or pose on a friend
my heart won't let me do it when she become my friend
then that's that and at all cost i will try to protect her emotions
her feelings and her wishies..........friendship is a bond
not a mask of love dips
but what do i know !!!
i like how u see this ova all u have a way with words
thanks Legacy for the visional light u share

Some serous lack of communication there. "You "should have known what you were getting into before you made that passionate love then you could base your decision on that.

yes Rain .........but it was a heat of a moment out of
friendship they took it their but one didn't want a
aftermath no ties no relationship !
surely this happens
it shouldn't happen in the first place
friends are friends
but i've seen where friends has become mates in love
and still together but both went in knowing where they
was headed
it's not a communication problem , it was a one night thing
that went wrong one wanted more and the other left it at that

surely this type of action is all around us
we fall into it and sometime get lost

i would completly feel hurt and ready for revenge...i know that revenge isn't good but im not there up stairs:).

well felt sistah ......surely we do have a revenging mold
hurting from the facts that one open up and was what seem to
be played ...this why we all have to be ready for our emotional
lustful notions or the mental mind game of what could be
from a friendship ......friends should be friends nothing more
nor less most can find that true friendship is sometime better then a relationship when no one on the sexual level
i hear ya tho ......Thankz for the read

Having had almost the same happen to me, I can say I was confused, hurt and felt i had lost a friend. I never felt cheated because it was something we both wanted...then again thats the expected feeling when you love someone and think you are taking the friendship to a higher level when he just thinks he is only having the best of both worlds... great sex and a great friend! The emotional rollercoaster is inevitable!!!

zoya true dat indeed
sometime it's wise to allow self to be friends
but when sexuality play a role then the level
goes up a notch but sometime we can handle it
and sometime thangs crumbles

Thanks for the reply and wordz of knowin as u been there